Our story of rape and reconciliation | Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger

Prevodilac: Milenka Okuka Lektor: Mile Živković

[This talk contains graphic language and descriptions of sexual violence

[Ovaj govor sadrži slikovit jezik i opise seksualnog nasilja.

Viewer discretion is advised]

Savetuje se diskrecija gledalaca.]

Tom Stranger: In 1996, when I was 18 years old,

Tom Strendžer: Godine 1996, kad mi je bilo 18 godina,

I had the golden opportunity to go on an international exchange program.

imao sam zlatnu priliku da učestvujem u međunarodnom programu razmene.

Ironically I'm an Australian who prefers proper icy cold weather,

Ironija je da sam Australijanac kome se sviđa pravo ledeno hladno vreme,

so I was both excited and tearful when I got on a plane to Iceland,

pa sam bio i uzbuđen i tužan kad sam se ukrcao na avion za Island,

after just having farewelled my parents and brothers goodbye.

nakon što sam se upravo oprostio s roditeljima i braćom.

I was welcomed into the home of a beautiful Icelandic family

Divna islandska porodica me je primila u svoj dom,

who took me hiking,

vodili su me na planinarenje

and helped me get a grasp of the melodic Icelandic language.

i pomagali mi da shvatim melodični islandski jezik.

I struggled a bit with the initial period of homesickness.

Jedan period u početku sam se malo mučio s melanholijom.

I snowboarded after school,

Posle škole sam išao na snoubord

and I slept a lot.

i mnogo sam spavao.

Two hours of chemistry class in a language that you don't yet fully understand

Dvosatni čas hemije na jeziku koji još uvek dobro ne razumete

can be a pretty good sedative.

može da bude prilično dobar sedativ.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

My teacher recommended I try out for the school play,

Nastavnik mi je predložio da se okušam u školskoj predstavi,

just to get me a bit more socially active.

prosto da bi me malo više društveno angažovao.

It turns out I didn't end up being part of the play,

Ispostavilo se da na kraju nisam bio deo predstave,

but through it I met Thordis.

ali sam tim povodom upoznao Tordis.

We shared a lovely teenage romance,

Imali smo ljupku tinejdžersku romansu,

and we'd meet at lunchtimes to just hold hands

i sastajali smo se na užini samo da bismo se držali za ruke

and walk around old downtown Reykjavík.

i šetali starim centrom Rejkjavika.

I met her welcoming family, and she met my friends.

Upoznao sam njenu gostoprimljivu porodicu, a ona je upoznala moje prijatelje.

We'd been in a budding relationship for a bit over a month

Bili smo u drugarskoj vezi nešto više od meseca

when our school's Christmas Ball was held.

kada je održan božićni bal u našoj školi.

Thordis Elva: I was 16 and in love for the first time.

Tordis Elva: Bilo mi je 16 godina i prvi put sam bila zaljubljena.

Going together to the Christmas dance

Zajednički odlazak na božićni ples

was a public confirmation of our relationship,

je bila javna potvrda naše veze

and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

i ja sam se osećala kao najsrećnija devojka na svetu.

No longer a child, but a young woman.

Nisam više bila dete, već mlada žena.

High on my newfound maturity,

Opijena novootkrivenom zrelošću,

I felt it was only natural to try drinking rum for the first time that night, too.

osećala sam da je jedino prirodno da probam rum prvi put te noći, takođe.

That was a bad idea.

To je bila loša ideja.

I became very ill,

Veoma mi je pozlilo,

drifting in and out of consciousness

padala sam u nesvest i dolazila sebi

in between spasms of convulsive vomiting.

između grčevitih napada povraćanja.

The security guards wanted to call me an ambulance,

Obezbeđenje je htelo da pozove hitnu za mene,

but Tom acted as my knight in shining armor,

ali je Tom nastupio kao moj vitez u bleštavom oklopu

and told them he'd take me home.

i rekao im je da će me on povesti kući.

It was like a fairy tale,

Bilo je poput bajke,

his strong arms around me,

njegove snažne ruke oko mene,

laying me in the safety of my bed.

spuštao me je u bezbednost mog kreveta.

But the gratitude that I felt towards him soon turned to horror

Ali je zahvalnost koju sam osećala prema njemu uskoro prešla u užas

as he proceeded to take off my clothes and get on top of me.

dok mi je skidao odeću i spuštao se preko mene.

My head had cleared up,

Glava mi se razbistrila,

but my body was still too weak to fight back,

ali mi je telo i dalje bilo suviše slabo da se odupre,

and the pain was blinding.

a bol je bio zaslepljujući.

I thought I'd be severed in two.

Mislila sam da ću se rascepiti na pola.

In order to stay sane,

Kako bih ostala pri sebi,

I silently counted the seconds on my alarm clock.

tiho sam brojala sekunde na mom budilniku.

And ever since that night,

I od te noći,

I've known that there are 7,200 seconds in two hours.

znam da dva sata imaju 7.200 sekundi.

Despite limping for days and crying for weeks,

Uprkos tome što sam ćopala i plakala nedeljama,

this incident didn't fit my ideas about rape like I'd seen on TV.

ovaj incident se nije uklapao s idejama silovanja koje sam videla na TV-u.

Tom wasn't an armed lunatic;

Tom nije bio naoružani ludak;

he was my boyfriend.

bio mi je momak.

And it didn't happen in a seedy alleyway,

I to se nije desilo u prljavoj uličici,

it happened in my own bed.

desilo se u mom krevetu.

By the time I could identify what had happened to me as rape,

Do trenutka kad sam mogla da prepoznam kao silovanje ono što mi se desilo,

he had completed his exchange program

njegov program razmene je okončan

and left for Australia.

i otišao je u Australiju.

So I told myself it was pointless to address what had happened.

Pa sam rekla sebi da je besmisleno baviti se onim što se desilo.

And besides,

A osim toga,

it had to have been my fault, somehow.

nekako je to moralo da bude moja krivica.

I was raised in a world where girls are taught

Vaspitana sam u svetu u kom devojke uče

that they get raped for a reason.

da ih s razlogom siluju.

Their skirt was too short,

Njihove suknje su bile suviše kratke,

their smile was too wide,

njihov osmeh je bio suviše širok,

their breath smelled of alcohol.

dah im se osećao na alkohol.

And I was guilty of all of those things,

A ja sam bila kriva za sve to,

so the shame had to be mine.

te je krivica morala da bude moja.

It took me years to realize

Trebale su mi godine da shvatim

that only one thing could have stopped me from being raped that night,

da je samo jedna stvar mogla sprečiti da budem silovana te noći,

and it wasn't my skirt,

a to nije bila moja suknja,

it wasn't my smile,

nije bio moj osmeh,

it wasn't my childish trust.

nije bilo moje detinjasto poverenje.

The only thing that could've stopped me from being raped that night

Jedino što je moglo da spreči da budem silovana te noći

is the man who raped me --

je čovek koji me je silovao -

had he stopped himself.

da je on zaustavio samog sebe.

TS: I have vague memories of the next day:

TS: Sećanja o danu posle su mi bleda:

the after effects of drinking,

posledice pijanstva,

a certain hollowness that I tried to stifle.

određena praznina koju sam pokušao da ugušim.

Nothing more.

Ništa više.

But I didn't show up at Thordis's door.

Međutim, nisam se pojavio na Tordisinim vratima.

It is important to now state

Važno je da naglasim

that I didn't see my deed for what it was.

da svoje delo nisam shvatao onim što jeste bilo.

The word "rape" didn't echo around my mind as it should've,

Reč "silovanje" nije odjekivala u mom umu kao što je trebalo,

and I wasn't crucifying myself with memories of the night before.

i nisu me mučila sećanja na prethodnu noć.

It wasn't so much a conscious refusal,

Nije to bilo svesno odbijanje,

it was more like any acknowledgment of reality was forbidden.

više se činilo kao da je svako priznanje stvarnosti zabranjeno.

My definition of my actions completely refuted any recognition

Moja definicija mojih postupaka je odbijala bilo kakvo priznanje

of the immense trauma I caused Thordis.

ogromne traume koju sam uzrokovao Tordis.

To be honest,

Iskreno,

I repudiated the entire act in the days afterwards

odbaciovao sam postupak u potpunosti narednih dana

and when I was committing it.

kao i u trenutku samog čina.

I disavowed the truth by convincing myself it was sex and not rape.

Poricao sam istinu, ubeđujući sebe da je to bio seks, a ne silovanje.

And this is a lie I've felt spine-bending guilt for.

A to je laž zbog koje me je izjedala krivica.

I broke up with Thordis a couple of days later,

Raskinuo sam sa Tordis nekoliko dana kasnije

and then saw her a number of times

i potom sam je video nekoliko puta

during the remainder of my year in Iceland,

tokom ostatka moje godine u Islandu,

feeling a sharp stab of heavyheartedness each time.

svaki put osećajući oštro probadanje utučenosti.

Deep down, I knew I'd done something immeasurably wrong.

Duboko u sebi sam znao da sam uradio nešto bezmerno pogrešno.

But without planning it, I sunk the memories deep,

Ali ne planirajući tako, duboko sam potisnuo sećanja,

and then I tied a rock to them.

vezujući kamen za njih.

What followed is a nine-year period

Usledio je devetogodišnji period,

that can best be titled as "Denial and Running."

koji bih najbolje naslovio kao: "Poricanje i bežanje".

When I got a chance to identify the real torment that I caused,

Kad sam imao priliku da spoznam istinsku agoniju koju sam uzrokovao,

I didn't stand still long enough to do so.

nisam dovoljno dugo mirovao da to uradim.

Whether it be via distraction,

Bilo da se radilo o odvlačenju pažnje,

substance use,

konzumiranju droga,

thrill-seeking

traženju uzbuđenja

or the scrupulous policing of my inner speak,

ili budnom nadgledanju mog unutrašnjeg govora,

I refused to be static and silent.

odbijao sam da budem nepokretan i tih.

And with this noise,

A uz tu buku,

I also drew heavily upon other parts of my life

takođe sam iskorišćavao druge aspekte svog života

to construct a picture of who I was.

kako bih izgradio sliku o sebi.

I was a surfer,

Bio sam surfer,

a social science student,

student društvenih nauka,

a friend to good people,

prijatelj dobrih ljudi,

a loved brother and son,

voljeni brat i sin,

an outdoor recreation guide,

vodič za rekreacije u prirodi

and eventually, a youth worker.

i kasnije omladinski radnik.

I gripped tight to the simple notion that I wasn't a bad person.

Čvrsto sam se držao za prostu misao da nisam loša osoba.

I didn't think I had this in my bones.

Nisam smatrao da mi je to u krvi.

I thought I was made up of something else.

Smatrao sam da sam drugačijeg kova.

In my nurtured upbringing,

Tokom mog brižnog odrastanja,

my loving extended family and role models,

moja šira porodica puna ljubavi i uzori,

people close to me were warm and genuine

meni bliski ljudi su bili topli i ispravni

in their respect shown towards women.

u iskazivanju poštovanja prema ženama.

It took me a long time to stare down this dark corner of myself,

Dugo mi je trebalo da se zagledam u taj mračni ugao sebe

and to ask it questions.

i da mu postavim pitanja.

TE: Nine years after the Christmas dance,

TE: Devet godina nakon božićnog plesa,

I was 25 years old,

bilo mi je 25 godina

and headed straight for a nervous breakdown.

i srljala sam pravo u nervni slom.

My self-worth was buried under a soul-crushing load of silence

Moje samopoštovanje je sahranjeno pod teretom tišine koja je mrvila dušu,

that isolated me from everyone that I cared about,

koja me je odvojila od svih koji su mi značili,

and I was consumed with misplaced hatred and anger

i ophrvala su me osećanja pogrešno usmerene mržnje i besa

that I took out on myself.

koje sam iskalila na sebi.

One day, I stormed out of the door in tears

Jednog dana sam u suzama izjurila kroz vrata

after a fight with a loved one,

nakon svađe sa voljenim

and I wandered into a café,

i dovukla sam se do kafića,

where I asked the waitress for a pen.

gde sam od konobarice zatražila olovku.

I always had a notebook with me,

Uvek sam sa sobom nosila beležnicu,

claiming that it was to jot down ideas in moments of inspiration,

tvrdeći da mi služi za zapisivanje ideja u momentima inspiracije,

but the truth was that I needed to be constantly fidgeting,

ali istina je da mi je bilo potrebno da se uvek vrpoljim

because in moments of stillness,

jer bih se u trenucima mirovanja

I found myself counting seconds again.

zatekla kako ponovo brojim sekunde.

But that day, I watched in wonder as the words streamed out of my pen,

Tog dana, pak, gledala sam u čudu kako se reči slivaju niz moju olovku,

forming the most pivotal letter I've ever written,

oblikujući najkrucijalnije pismo koje sam ikad napisala,

addressed to Tom.

adresirano na Toma.

Along with an account of the violence that he subjected me to,

Uz izveštaj o nasilju kom me je podvrgao,

the words, "I want to find forgiveness"

reči: "Želim da nađem oproštaj"

stared back at me,

su zurile u mene,

surprising nobody more than myself.

iznenađujući mene samu najviše.

But deep down I realized that this was my way out of my suffering,

No, duboko u sebi sam shvatila da je ovo moj izlaz iz patnje

because regardless of whether or not he deserved my forgiveness,

jer bez obzira na to da li je on zasluživao ili ne moj oprost,

I deserved peace.

ja sam zasluživala mir.

My era of shame was over.

Moje doba stida je završeno.

Before sending the letter,

Pre nego što sam poslala pismo,

I prepared myself for all kinds of negative responses,

pripremila sam se za sve vidove negativnog odgovora

or what I found likeliest: no response whatsoever.

ili onoga što mi je bilo najizglednije: odsustva bilo kakvog odgovora.

The only outcome that I didn't prepare myself for

Jedini ishod na koji nisam bila spremna

was the one that I then got --

je onaj koji sam dobila -

a typed confession from Tom, full of disarming regret.

Tomovo pismeno priznanje, ispunjeno razoružavajućim kajanjem.

As it turns out, he, too, had been imprisoned by silence.

Ispostavilo se da je i on sam bio zraobljenik tišine.

And this marked the start of an eight-year-long correspondence

A ovo je obeležilo početak osmogodišnje prepiske

that God knows was never easy,

koja, sam gospod zna, nikad nije bila laka,

but always honest.

ali je uvek bila iskrena.

I relieved myself of the burdens that I'd wrongfully shouldered,

Oslobodila sam se tereta koji sam nepravedno sebi natovarila,

and he, in turn, wholeheartedly owned up to what he'd done.

a on je za uzvrat, svesrdno ovladao onim što je uradio.

Our written exchanges became a platform

Naša pismena razmena je postala platforma

to dissect the consequences of that night,

za seciranje posledica te noći,

and they were everything from gut-wrenching

a one su sezale od srceparajućih

to healing beyond words.

do neizrecivo isceliteljskih.

And yet, it didn't bring about closure for me.

Pa ipak, nije mi donela razrešenje.

Perhaps because the email format didn't feel personal enough,

Možda stoga što format imejla nije bio dovoljno ličan,

perhaps because it's easy to be brave

možda zato što je lako biti hrabar

when you're hiding behind a computer screen on the other side of the planet.

kada se skrivate iza kompjuterskog ekrana na drugoj strani planete.

But we'd begun a dialogue

Međutim, započeli smo dijalog

that I felt was necessary to explore to its fullest.

za koji sam smatrala da je nužno da se dokraja istraži.

So, after eight years of writing,

Pa, nakon osam godina prepiske,

and nearly 16 years after that dire night,

i skoro 16 godina od te kobne noći,

I mustered the courage to propose a wild idea:

sakupila sam hrabrost da predložim ludu zamisao:

that we'd meet up in person

da se sretnemo uživo

and face our past once and for all.

i suočimo sa prošlošću jednom za svagda.

TS: Iceland and Australia are geographically like this.

TS: Island i Australija su geografski ovako udaljeni.

In the middle of the two is South Africa.

Tačno između njih je Južna Afrika.

We decided upon the city of Cape Town,

Odlučili smo se za grad Kejptaun

and there we met for one week.

i tu smo proveli nedelju dana.

The city itself proved to be a stunningly powerful environment

Sam grad se ispostavio kao zapanjujuće moćna sredina

to focus on reconciliation and forgiveness.

za usredsređenje na pomirenje i oproštaj.

Nowhere else has healing and rapprochement been tested

Nigde isceljenje i zbližavanje nisu tako testirani

like it has in South Africa.

kao u Južnoj Africi.

As a nation, South Africa sought to sit within the truth of its past,

Kao nacija, Južna Afrika je tražila mesto između istine o svojoj prošlosti

and to listen to the details of its history.

i detaljnog saslušanja o svojoj istoriji.

Knowing this only magnified the effect that Cape Town had on us.

Znajući ovo, dejstvo koje je Kejptaun imao na nas je bilo još jače.

Over the course of this week,

Tokom ove sedmice,

we literally spoke our life stories to each other,

bukvalno smo jedno drugom ispričali naše životne priče,

from start to finish.

od početka do kraja.

And this was about analyzing our own history.

A radilo se o analiziranju naših istorija.

We followed a strict policy of being honest,

Pratili smo strogi zakon iskrenosti,

and this also came with a certain exposure,

a to je sa sobom donelo izvesnu izloženost,

an open-chested vulnerability.

ranjivost otvorene rane.

There were gutting confessions,

Bilo je mučnih priznanja

and moments where we just absolutely couldn't fathom

i trenutaka kad prosto uopšte nismo mogli da dokučimo

the other person's experience.

iskustvo druge osobe.

The seismic effects of sexual violence were spoken aloud and felt,

Potresna dejstva seksualnog nasilja su glasno izgovarana i osećana,

face to face.

licem u lice.

At other times, though,

Drugih puta, pak,

we found a soaring clarity,

otkrivali bismo okrepljujuću jasnoću,

and even some totally unexpected but liberating laughter.

čak i potpuno neočekivan, ali oslobađajući smeh.

When it came down to it,

Kada se sve svede,

we did out best to listen to each other intently.

dali smo sve od sebe da pažljivo saslušamo jedno drugo.

And our individual realities were aired with an unfiltered purity

I naše individualne stvarnosti su oslobođene nefilterisanom čistoćom

that couldn't do any less than lighten the soul.

koja je ništa manje nego razvedrila naše duše.

TE: Wanting to take revenge is a very human emotion --

TE: Želja za osvetom je veoma ljudsko osećanje -

instinctual, even.

instinktivno, čak.

And all I wanted to do for years

I sve što sam godinama želela

was to hurt Tom back as deeply as he had hurt me.

je da povredim Toma podjednako snažno koliko je on mene.

But had I not found a way out of the hatred and anger,

Ali da nisam otkrila izlaz iz mržnje i besa,

I'm not sure I'd be standing here today.

nisam sigurna da bih danas stajala ovde.

That isn't to say that I didn't have my doubts along the way.

To ne znači da nisam imala sumnje sve vreme.

When the plane bounced on that landing strip in Cape Town,

Kada je avion doskočio na pistu u Kejptaunu,

I remember thinking,

sećam se da sam pomislila:

"Why did I not just get myself a therapist and a bottle of vodka

"Zašto prosto nisam nabavila terapeuta i flašu votke,

like a normal person would do?"

kao svi normalni ljudi?"

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

At times, our search for understanding in Cape Town

Povremeno se naše traganje za razumevanjem u Kejptaunu

felt like an impossible quest,

činilo poput nemogućeg pohoda,

and all I wanted to do was to give up

i sve što sam želela je da odustanem

and go home to my loving husband, Vidir,

i da se vratim kući svom dragom mužu Vidiru

and our son.

i našem sinu.

But despite our difficulties,

No, uprkos našim poteškoćama,

this journey did result in a victorious feeling

ovo putovanje je rezultiralo pobedonosnim osećanjem

that light had triumphed over darkness,

da je svetlo trijumfovalo nad tamom,

that something constructive could be built out of the ruins.

da je nešto konstruktivno moglo da se izgradi na ruševinama.

I read somewhere

Negde sam pročitala

that you should try and be the person that you needed when you were younger.

da bi trebalo pokušati biti osoba koja vam je bila potrebna u mladosti.

And back when I was a teenager,

A kad sam bila tinejdžerka,

I would have needed to know that the shame wasn't mine,

bilo mi je potrebno saznanje da sramota nije bila moja,

that there's hope after rape,

da ima nade nakon silovanja,

that you can even find happiness,

da čak možete naći i sreću,

like I share with my husband today.

poput one koju danas delim sa suprugom.

Which is why I started writing feverishly upon my return from Cape Town,

Zbog toga sam nakon povratka iz Kejptauna počela grozničavo da pišem

resulting in a book co-authored by Tom,

ono što će da bude knjiga u koautorstvu s Tomom,

that we hope can be of use to people from both ends

za koju se nadamo da će da koristi ljudima s oba kraja

of the perpetrator-survivor scale.

skale žrtva-počinilac.

If nothing else,

Ako ništa drugo,

it's a story that we would've needed to hear when we were younger.

to je priča koju je bilo potrebno da čujemo kad smo bili mlađi.

Given the nature of our story,

Zbog prirode naše priče,

I know the words that inevitably accompany it --

znam da su reči koje neizbežno idu uz nju -

victim, rapist --

žrtva, silovatelj -

and labels are a way to organize concepts,

i etikete su način organizovanja koncepata,

but they can also be dehumanizing in their connotations.

ali takođe mogu svojim konotacijama da onečovečuju.

Once someone's been deemed a victim,

Čim nekoga odrede kao žrtvu,

it's that much easier to file them away as someone damaged,

utoliko je lakše otpisati ih kao nekoga oštećenog,

dishonored,

obeščašćenog,

less than.

manje vrednog.

And likewise, once someone has been branded a rapist,

I slično, čim nekoga označe kao silovatelja,

it's that much easier to call him a monster --

utoliko je lakše nazvati ga čudovištem -

inhuman.

nečovekom.

But how will we understand what it is in human societies

Ali kako ćemo da razumemo šta to u ljudskim društvima

that produces violence

uzrokuje nasilje,

if we refuse to recognize the humanity of those who commit it?

ako odbijamo da priznamo ljudskost onima koji ga počine?

And how --

I kako -

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

And how can we empower survivors if we're making them feel less than?

I kako ćemo da osnažimo preživele, ako ih teramo da se osećaju manje vrednim?

How can we discuss solutions to one of the biggest threats

Kako ćemo da raspravljamo o rešenjima za jednu od najvećih pretnji

to the lives of women and children around the world,

po živote žena i dece širom sveta,

if the very words we use are part of the problem?

ako su same reči koje koristimo deo problema?

TS: From what I've now learnt,

TS: Sada znam

my actions that night in 1996 were a self-centered taking.

da je moje ponašanje u noći 1996, bilo sebično uzimanje.

I felt deserving of Thordis's body.

Osećao sam da zaslužujem Tordisino telo.

I've had primarily positive social influences

Imao sam pre svega pozitivne društvene uticaje

and examples of equitable behavior around me.

i primere egalitarnog ponašanja oko mene.

But on that occasion,

Ali tom prilikom,

I chose to draw upon the negative ones.

odlučio sam da se vodim negativnim.

The ones that see women as having less intrinsic worth,

Onim koji gledaju na žene kao da imaju po prirodi manju vrednost,

and of men having some unspoken and symbolic claim to their bodies.

a da muškarci imaju neko prećutno i simbolično pravo na njihova tela.

These influences I speak of are external to me, though.

Ovi uticaji o kojima govorim su ipak za mene spoljni.

And it was only me in that room making choices,

I jedino sam ja u toj prostoriji donosio odluke,

nobody else.

niko drugi.

When you own something

Kada ovladate nečim

and really square up to your culpability,

i zaista izađete na čistac sa svojom krivicom,

I do think a surprising thing can happen.

verujem da iznenađujuće stvari mogu da se dese.

It's what I call a paradox of ownership.

To nazivam paradoksom ovladavanja.

I thought I'd buckle under the weight of responsibility.

Mislio sam da ću da se pognem pod teretom odgovornosti.

I thought my certificate of humanity would be burnt.

Mislio sam da će moja diploma čovečnosti da sagori.

Instead, I was offered to really own what I did,

Umesto toga mi je ponuđeno da zaista ovladam svojim delom

and found that it didn't possess the entirety of who I am.

i otkrio sam da ono ne gospodari mojom celokupnom ličnošću.

Put simply,

Prosto rečeno,

something you've done doesn't have to constitute the sum of who you are.

nešto što ste uradili ne mora da bude zbir svega što jeste.

The noise in my head abated.

Buka u mojoj glavi se stišala.

The indulgent self-pity was starved of oxygen,

Prepuštanje samosažaljenju je lišeno kiseonika

and it was replaced with the clean air of acceptance --

i zamenio ga je svež vazduh prihvatanja -

an acceptance that I did hurt this wonderful person standing next to me;

prihvatanja da jesam povredio ovo divno biće koje stoji pored mene;

an acceptance that I am part of a large and shockingly everyday grouping of men

prihvatanje da sam deo velikog i šokantno svakodnevnog gomilanja muškaraca

who have been sexually violent toward their partners.

koji su seksualno nasilni prema svojim partnerima.

Don't underestimate the power of words.

Ne potcenjujte snagu reči.

Saying to Thordis that I raped her changed my accord with myself,

Rekavši Tordis da sam je silovao, promenio se moj odnos prema sebi,

as well as with her.

kao i prema njoj.

But most importantly,

Ali što je najvažnije

the blame transferred from Thordis to me.

krivica je prešla sa Tordis na mene.

Far too often,

Suviše često,

the responsibility is attributed to female survivors of sexual violence,

odgovornos se pripisuje ženama koje su preživele seksualno nasilje,

and not to the males who enact it.

a ne muškarcima koji su ga izvršili.

Far too often,

Suviše često

the denial and running leaves all parties at a great distance from the truth.

poricanje i bežanje ostavlja sve strane na velikoj udaljenosti od istine.

There's definitely a public conversation happening now,

Definitivno je u toku javna rasprava,

and like a lot of people,

i kao i mnoge ljude,

we're heartened that there's less retreating

ohrabruje nas da je sve manje povlačenja

from this difficult but important discussion.

od ove teške, ali važne rasprave.

I feel a real responsibility to add our voices to it.

Osećam istinsku odgovornost da joj doprinesem našim glasovima.

TE: What we did is not a formula that we're prescribing for others.

TE: Naš postupak nije recept koji prepisujemo drugima.

Nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to handle their deepest pain

Niko nema prava da kaže nekom drugom kako da se bori sa najvećim bolom

or their greatest error.

ili najvećom greškom.

Breaking your silence is never easy,

Prekinuti ćutanje nikad nije lako,

and depending on where you are in the world,

a u zavisnosti od toga gde se nalazite u svetu,

it can even be deadly to speak out about rape.

može čak i da bude smrtonosno govoriti o silovanju.

I realize that even the most traumatic event of my life

Shvatam da je čak i najtraumatičniji događaj u mom životu

is still a testament to my privilege,

i dalje svedočanstvo moje privilegovanosti

because I can talk about it without getting ostracized,

jer mogu da govorim o tome, a da ne budem prognana

or even killed.

ili čak ubijena.

But with that privilege of having a voice

Međutim, s privilegijom posedovanja glasa,

comes the responsibility of using it.

dolazi odgovornost njegovog korišćenja.

That's the least I owe my fellow survivors who can't.

To je najmanje što dugujem mojim kolegama preživelim koji ne mogu.

The story we've just relayed is unique,

Priča koju smo upravo podelili je jedinstvena,

and yet it is so common with sexual violence being a global pandemic.

a ipak je toliko uobičajena,

budući da je seksualno nasilje globalna pandemija.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

Međutim, ne mora da bude tako.

One of the things that I found useful on my own healing journey

Nešto što mi je bilo korisno na sopstvenom putu isceljenja

is educating myself about sexual violence.

je učenje o seksualnom nasilju.

And as a result, I've been reading, writing

A zbog toga sam čitala, pisala

and speaking about this issue for over a decade now,

i govorila o ovom pitanju, sad već više od deceniju,

going to conferences around the world.

posećujući konferencije širom sveta.

And in my experience,

A prema mom iskustvu,

the attendees of such events are almost exclusively women.

učesnici sličnih događaja su skoro isključivo žene.

But it's about time that we stop treating sexual violence as a women's issue.

Ali vreme je da prestanemo da tretiramo seksualno nasilje kao žensko pitanje.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

A majority of sexual violence against women and men

Seksualno nasilje nad ženama i muškarcima

is perpetrated by men.

većinom počine muškarci.

And yet their voices are sorely underrepresented in this discussion.

Pa ipak, njihovi glasovi su krajnje nezastupljeni u ovoj raspravi.

But all of us are needed here.

Međutim, neophodno je prisustvo svih.

Just imagine all the suffering we could alleviate

Samo zamislite koliku patnju bismo mogli da ublažimo,

if we dared to face this issue together.

ako bismo se usudili da se zajedno suočimo s ovim problemom.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)