Our story of rape and reconciliation | Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger

Prevoditelj: Dunja Knežević Recezent: Tilen Pigac - EFZG

[This talk contains graphic language and descriptions of sexual violence

[Ovaj govor sadrži eksplicitan jezik i opise seksualnog nasilja.

Poželjna je diskrecija gledatelja]

Viewer discretion is advised]

Tom Stranger: In 1996, when I was 18 years old,

Tom Stranger: Godine 1996., kada sam imao 18 godina,

I had the golden opportunity to go on an international exchange program.

imao sam sjajnu priliku sudjelovati u međunarodnom programu razmjene.

Ironically I'm an Australian who prefers proper icy cold weather,

Ironično, Australac sam koji više voli jako hladno vrijeme

so I was both excited and tearful when I got on a plane to Iceland,

pa sam bio i uzbuđen i tužan kada sam se ukrcao na zrakoplov za Island

after just having farewelled my parents and brothers goodbye.

nakon što sam se oprostio s roditeljima i braćom.

I was welcomed into the home of a beautiful Icelandic family

Divna islandska obitelj pružila mi je dobrodošlicu u svom domu.

who took me hiking,

Vodili su me u šetnje

and helped me get a grasp of the melodic Icelandic language.

i pomogli mi u razumijevanju melodičnog islandskog jezika.

I struggled a bit with the initial period of homesickness.

Na početku mi je nedostajao dom.

I snowboarded after school,

Bavio sam se daskanjem na snijegu

and I slept a lot.

i puno sam spavao.

Two hours of chemistry class in a language that you don't yet fully understand

Dva sata kemije na jeziku koji ne razumijete sasvim

can be a pretty good sedative.

dobar su sedativ.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

My teacher recommended I try out for the school play,

Predložili su mi da se prijavim za ulogu u predstavi

just to get me a bit more socially active.

kako bih se više uključio u društvo.

It turns out I didn't end up being part of the play,

Nisam dobio ulogu,

but through it I met Thordis.

ali tako sam upoznao Thordis.

We shared a lovely teenage romance,

Imali smo lijepu tinejdžersku romansu,

and we'd meet at lunchtimes to just hold hands

nalazili smo se u stankama i držali se za ruke,

and walk around old downtown Reykjavík.

šetali starim dijelom Reykjavika.

I met her welcoming family, and she met my friends.

Upoznao sam njezinu obitelj i ona moje prijatelje.

We'd been in a budding relationship for a bit over a month

Bili smo na početku veze, nešto dulje od mjeseca,

when our school's Christmas Ball was held.

kada je održan školski božićni ples.

Thordis Elva: I was 16 and in love for the first time.

Thordis Elva: Imala sam 16 godina i bila sam prvi put zaljubljena.

Going together to the Christmas dance

Zajednički odlazak na ples

was a public confirmation of our relationship,

bila je javna potvrda naše veze

and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

i osjećala sam se kao najsretnija djevojka na svijetu.

No longer a child, but a young woman.

Nisam više bila dijete, nego mlada žena.

High on my newfound maturity,

Opijena novootkrivenom zrelošću

I felt it was only natural to try drinking rum for the first time that night, too.

te sam večeri odlučila prvi put probati rum.

That was a bad idea.

Bila je to loša zamisao.

I became very ill,

Jako mi je pozlilo,

drifting in and out of consciousness

gubila sam svijest

in between spasms of convulsive vomiting.

između napadaja povraćanja.

The security guards wanted to call me an ambulance,

Zaštitari su željeli pozvati hitnu,

but Tom acted as my knight in shining armor,

no Tom se ponio kao moj vitez-zaštitnik

and told them he'd take me home.

i rekao im da će me odvesti kući.

It was like a fairy tale,

Bilo je to poput bajke,

his strong arms around me,

iz svog snažnog naručja

laying me in the safety of my bed.

spustio me u sigurnost mog kreveta.

But the gratitude that I felt towards him soon turned to horror

No zahvalnost prema njemu uskoro se pretvorila u užas

as he proceeded to take off my clothes and get on top of me.

kada je krenuo skidati moju odjeću i našao se na meni.

My head had cleared up,

U glavi mi se razbistrilo,

but my body was still too weak to fight back,

no tijelo je još bilo preslabo da se odupre,

and the pain was blinding.

a bol je bila zasljepljujuća.

I thought I'd be severed in two.

Mislila sam da će me prepoloviti.

In order to stay sane,

Kako ne bih izgubila razum,

I silently counted the seconds on my alarm clock.

tiho sam brojala sekunde na satu.

And ever since that night,

I od te noći

I've known that there are 7,200 seconds in two hours.

znam da dva sata traju 7,200 sekundi.

Despite limping for days and crying for weeks,

Iako sam danima šepala i tjednima plakala,

this incident didn't fit my ideas about rape like I'd seen on TV.

događaj nije odgovarao mojim predodžbama o silovanju.

Tom wasn't an armed lunatic;

Tom nije bio naoružani luđak;

he was my boyfriend.

bio je moj dečko.

And it didn't happen in a seedy alleyway,

To se nije dogodilo u mračnoj uličici,

it happened in my own bed.

nego u mom vlastitom krevetu.

By the time I could identify what had happened to me as rape,

Do trenutka kada sam ono što mi se dogodilo bila spremna nazvati silovanjem,

he had completed his exchange program

on je već završio program razmjene

and left for Australia.

i otišao u Australiju.

So I told myself it was pointless to address what had happened.

Rekla sam sebi da je uzaludno baviti se onim što je prošlo.

And besides,

Osim toga,

it had to have been my fault, somehow.

sigurno je to nekako bila moja krivnja.

I was raised in a world where girls are taught

Odgajana sam u svijetu koji je učio djevojke

that they get raped for a reason.

da se silovanje događa s razlogom.

Their skirt was too short,

Suknja je bila prekratka,

their smile was too wide,

osmijeh preširok,

their breath smelled of alcohol.

dah im je mirisao na alkohol.

And I was guilty of all of those things,

Sve se to odnosilo na mene

so the shame had to be mine.

pa je i sramota bila moja.

It took me years to realize

Dugo je trebalo da shvatim

that only one thing could have stopped me from being raped that night,

da jedino što je moglo spriječiti silovanje te noći

and it wasn't my skirt,

nije bila moja suknja,

it wasn't my smile,

nije bio moj osmijeh,

it wasn't my childish trust.

nije bilo moje djetinje povjerenje.

The only thing that could've stopped me from being raped that night

Spriječiti silovanje te noći

is the man who raped me --

mogao je samo muškarac koji me silovao --

had he stopped himself.

da je zaustavio sebe.

TS: I have vague memories of the next day:

TS: Mutna su mi sjećanja na sljedeći dan:

the after effects of drinking,

posljedice alkohola,

a certain hollowness that I tried to stifle.

praznina koju sam nastojao zatomiti.

Nothing more.

Ništa više.

But I didn't show up at Thordis's door.

Ali nisam otišao k Thordis.

It is important to now state

Važno je napomenuti

that I didn't see my deed for what it was.

da nisam bio posve svjestan onoga što sam učinio.

The word "rape" didn't echo around my mind as it should've,

Riječ "silovanje" nije odzvanjala u mom umu kao što je trebala,

and I wasn't crucifying myself with memories of the night before.

a ja se nisam mučio uspomenama na prošlu noć.

It wasn't so much a conscious refusal,

Nije to bilo svjesno nijekanje,

it was more like any acknowledgment of reality was forbidden.

nego kao da je bilo zabranjeno priznati stvarnost.

My definition of my actions completely refuted any recognition

Moja definicija vlastitog ponašanja opovrgavala je priznanje

of the immense trauma I caused Thordis.

neizmjerne traume koju sam uzrokovao Thordis.

To be honest,

Iskreno,

I repudiated the entire act in the days afterwards

danima poslije nijekao sam cijeli čin

and when I was committing it.

kao i dok sam to činio.

I disavowed the truth by convincing myself it was sex and not rape.

Poricao sam istinu uvjeravajući se da je to bio seks, a ne silovanje.

And this is a lie I've felt spine-bending guilt for.

I zbog te laži osjećam užasnu krivnju.

I broke up with Thordis a couple of days later,

Prekinuo sam s Thordis nekoliko dana kasnije,

and then saw her a number of times

poslije sam je nekoliko puta vidio

during the remainder of my year in Iceland,

tijekom ostatka moje godine na Islandu,

feeling a sharp stab of heavyheartedness each time.

svaki sam put osjetio težinu oko srca.

Deep down, I knew I'd done something immeasurably wrong.

Duboko u sebi znao sam da sam učinio nešto jako loše.

But without planning it, I sunk the memories deep,

Ne planirajući to, duboko sam potopio sjećanja,

and then I tied a rock to them.

vežući ih kamenom.

What followed is a nine-year period

Sljedeće razdoblje od devet godina

that can best be titled as "Denial and Running."

može se opisati kao "Poricanje i bijeg."

When I got a chance to identify the real torment that I caused,

Kada sam dobio priliku identificirati muku koju sam izazvao,

I didn't stand still long enough to do so.

nisam mirovao dovoljno da bih to mogao.

Whether it be via distraction,

Odvraćanjem pažnje,

substance use,

opijatima,

thrill-seeking

adrenalinskim sportovima

or the scrupulous policing of my inner speak,

ili savjesnim nadziranjem unutarnjeg monologa,

I refused to be static and silent.

odbijao sam biti miran i tih.

And with this noise,

I uz tu buku,

I also drew heavily upon other parts of my life

crpio sam i ostale dijelove života

to construct a picture of who I was.

kako bih stvorio sliku sebe.

I was a surfer,

Bio sam surfer,

a social science student,

student društvenih znanosti,

a friend to good people,

prijatelj dobrim ljudima,

a loved brother and son,

voljeni brat i sin,

an outdoor recreation guide,

voditelj rekreativnih aktivnosti,

and eventually, a youth worker.

a radio sam i s mladima.

I gripped tight to the simple notion that I wasn't a bad person.

Čvrsto sam se držao stajališta da nisam loša osoba.

I didn't think I had this in my bones.

Nisam to imao u sebi.

I thought I was made up of something else.

Bio sam bolji od toga.

In my nurtured upbringing,

Dok su me brižno odgajali,

my loving extended family and role models,

moja proširena obitelj i uzori,

people close to me were warm and genuine

bliski ljudi bili su topli i iskreni

in their respect shown towards women.

u svom poštovanju prema ženama.

It took me a long time to stare down this dark corner of myself,

Trebalo mi je dugo da se zagledam u taj mračni kutak sebe

and to ask it questions.

i postavim pitanja.

TE: Nine years after the Christmas dance,

TE: Devet godina nakon božićnog plesa,

I was 25 years old,

imala sam 25 godina

and headed straight for a nervous breakdown.

i bila na putu da doživim živčani slom.

My self-worth was buried under a soul-crushing load of silence

Osjećaj vlastite vrijednosti bio je zakopan pod teretom tišine

that isolated me from everyone that I cared about,

koja me izolirala od svih do kojih mi je bilo stalo,

and I was consumed with misplaced hatred and anger

a mene su izjedali pogrešno usmjerene mržnja i ljutnja

that I took out on myself.

koje sam usmjerila na sebe.

One day, I stormed out of the door in tears

Jednom sam izjurila van u suzama

after a fight with a loved one,

nakon svađe s voljenom osobom

and I wandered into a café,

i ušla u lokal,

where I asked the waitress for a pen.

gdje sam konobaricu zamolila za olovku.

I always had a notebook with me,

Uvijek sam sa sobom imala bilježnicu,

claiming that it was to jot down ideas in moments of inspiration,

tvrdeći da mi je trebala kako bih zapisala zamisli u trenucima nadahnuća,

but the truth was that I needed to be constantly fidgeting,

no zapravo sam imala potrebu stalno se meškoljiti

because in moments of stillness,

jer bih se u trenucima tišine

I found myself counting seconds again.

zatekla kako opet brojim sekunde.

But that day, I watched in wonder as the words streamed out of my pen,

Toga sam se dana čudila riječima koje su tekle iz mene

forming the most pivotal letter I've ever written,

stvarajući najvažnije pismo koje sam ikada napisala,

addressed to Tom.

oslovljeno na Toma.

Along with an account of the violence that he subjected me to,

Zajedno s opisom nasilja kojemu me podvrgao,

the words, "I want to find forgiveness"

riječi "Želim pronaći oprost"

stared back at me,

zurile su u mene,

surprising nobody more than myself.

ne iznenađujući nikoga više od mene same.

But deep down I realized that this was my way out of my suffering,

Duboko u sebi shvaćala sam da je to moj izlaz iz patnje.

because regardless of whether or not he deserved my forgiveness,

Neovisno o tome je li on zaslužio moj oprost ili nije,

I deserved peace.

ja sam zaslužila mir.

My era of shame was over.

Vrijeme srama za mene je završilo.

Before sending the letter,

Prije nego što sam poslala pismo,

I prepared myself for all kinds of negative responses,

pripremila sam se za sve oblike negativih odgovora

or what I found likeliest: no response whatsoever.

ili za ono što sam smatrala najvjerojatnijim: nikakav odgovor.

The only outcome that I didn't prepare myself for

Jedini ishod za koji se nisam pripremila

was the one that I then got --

bio je onaj koji sam dobila --

a typed confession from Tom, full of disarming regret.

natipkanu Tomovu ispovijest, punu razoružavajućeg žaljenja.

As it turns out, he, too, had been imprisoned by silence.

Ispostavilo se da je i on bio zatočenik šutnje.

And this marked the start of an eight-year-long correspondence

To je označilo početak osmogodišnjeg dopisivanja,

that God knows was never easy,

što nikada nije bilo lako,

but always honest.

ali je uvijek bilo iskreno.

I relieved myself of the burdens that I'd wrongfully shouldered,

Oslobodila sam se tereta koji sam nepravedno nosila,

and he, in turn, wholeheartedly owned up to what he'd done.

a on je svesrdno priznao krivnju za ono što je učinio.

Our written exchanges became a platform

Naša je korespondencija postala platforma

to dissect the consequences of that night,

za seciranje posljedica te noći,

and they were everything from gut-wrenching

koje su bile i potresne

to healing beyond words.

i neopisivo iscjeljujuće.

And yet, it didn't bring about closure for me.

Ipak, nije mi to donijelo mir.

Perhaps because the email format didn't feel personal enough,

Možda jer dopisivanje preko interneta nije bilo dovoljno osobno,

perhaps because it's easy to be brave

možda jer je lako biti hrabar

when you're hiding behind a computer screen on the other side of the planet.

kada se skrivaš iza računala na drugom kraju svijeta.

But we'd begun a dialogue

No započeli smo dijalog

that I felt was necessary to explore to its fullest.

i htjela sam to u potpunosti istražiti.

So, after eight years of writing,

Nakon osam godina dopisivanja

and nearly 16 years after that dire night,

i gotovo 16 godina nakon te strašne noći,

I mustered the courage to propose a wild idea:

skupila sam hrabrost i predložila nešto ludo:

that we'd meet up in person

osobni susret

and face our past once and for all.

tijekom kojeg ćemo se suočiti s prošlošću.

TS: Iceland and Australia are geographically like this.

TS: Island i Australija geografski ovako izgledaju.

In the middle of the two is South Africa.

Među njima je Južna Afrika.

We decided upon the city of Cape Town,

Odlučili smo se za grad Cape Town,

and there we met for one week.

gdje smo se viđali tijekom 7 dana.

The city itself proved to be a stunningly powerful environment

Sam grad pokazao se kao iznimno moćno okruženje

to focus on reconciliation and forgiveness.

za usredotočenost na pomirenje i oprost.

Nowhere else has healing and rapprochement been tested

Nigdje iscjeljenje i ogorčenost nisu toliko iskušavani

like it has in South Africa.

kao u Južnoj Africi.

As a nation, South Africa sought to sit within the truth of its past,

Kao nacija, Južna Afrika nastojala je prihvatiti svoju prošlost

and to listen to the details of its history.

i poslušati detalje svoje povijesti.

Knowing this only magnified the effect that Cape Town had on us.

Svijest o tome samo je pojačala učinak koji je Cape Town imao na nas.

Over the course of this week,

Tijekom tog tjedna,

we literally spoke our life stories to each other,

jedno drugom ispričali smo svoju životnu priču

from start to finish.

od početka do kraja.

And this was about analyzing our own history.

Analizirali smo našu prošlost.

We followed a strict policy of being honest,

Iskrenost je bila pravilo kojeg smo se strogo pridržavali

and this also came with a certain exposure,

i to je podrazumijevalo određeno ogoljavanje,

an open-chested vulnerability.

otvorenu ranjivost.

There were gutting confessions,

Bile su to bolne ispovijesti

and moments where we just absolutely couldn't fathom

i trenuci u kojim jednostavno nismo mogli pojmiti

the other person's experience.

iskustvo druge osobe.

The seismic effects of sexual violence were spoken aloud and felt,

O potresnim učincima seksualnog nasilja govorili smo naglas i osjećali ih,

face to face.

licem u lice.

At other times, though,

Katkad smo pak,

we found a soaring clarity,

pronalazili uzvišenu bistrinu

and even some totally unexpected but liberating laughter.

pa čak i neočekivani, no oslobađajući smijeh.

When it came down to it,

Jednostavno,

we did out best to listen to each other intently.

nastojali smo pažljivo slušati jedno drugo.

And our individual realities were aired with an unfiltered purity

I naše su osobne stvarnosti odisale nefiltriranom čistoćom

that couldn't do any less than lighten the soul.

koja nije mogla ništa osim olakšati naše duše.

TE: Wanting to take revenge is a very human emotion --

TE: Želja za osvetom ljudska je emocija --

instinctual, even.

čak instinktivna.

And all I wanted to do for years

Godinama sam samo željela

was to hurt Tom back as deeply as he had hurt me.

povrijediti Toma onako kako je on povrijedio mene.

But had I not found a way out of the hatred and anger,

No da nisam pronašla izlaz iz mržnje i ljutnje,

I'm not sure I'd be standing here today.

nisam sigurna da bih danas ovdje stajala.

That isn't to say that I didn't have my doubts along the way.

To ne znači da nisam imala dvojbi.

When the plane bounced on that landing strip in Cape Town,

Kada je zrakoplov sletio u Cape Town,

I remember thinking,

pomislila sam,

"Why did I not just get myself a therapist and a bottle of vodka

"Zašto si jednostavno ne nađem terapeuta i bocu votke

like a normal person would do?"

kao što bi učinio netko normalan?"

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

At times, our search for understanding in Cape Town

Katkad se naša potraga za razumijevanjem u Cape Townu

felt like an impossible quest,

činila gotovo nemogućom misijom

and all I wanted to do was to give up

i sve što sam željela bilo je odustati

and go home to my loving husband, Vidir,

i vratiti se voljenom suprugu, Vidiru,

and our son.

i našem sinu.

But despite our difficulties,

No usprkos teškoćama,

this journey did result in a victorious feeling

putovanje je završilo s pobjednonosnim osjećajem

that light had triumphed over darkness,

da je svjetlo pobijedilo tamu,

that something constructive could be built out of the ruins.

da se nešto konstruktivno može izgraditi iz ruševina.

I read somewhere

Negdje sam pročitala

that you should try and be the person that you needed when you were younger.

da trebamo nastojati biti osobe kakve smo trebali kada smo bili mlađi.

And back when I was a teenager,

Kada sam bila adolescent,

I would have needed to know that the shame wasn't mine,

trebala mi je spoznaja da sram nije moj,

that there's hope after rape,

da postoji nada poslije silovanja,

that you can even find happiness,

da je čak moguće pronaći sreću,

like I share with my husband today.

kakvu danas dijelim sa svojim suprugom.

Which is why I started writing feverishly upon my return from Cape Town,

Zato sam grozničavo počela pisati kada sam se vratila iz Cape Towna,

resulting in a book co-authored by Tom,

tako je nastala knjiga koju supotpisujem s Tomom,

that we hope can be of use to people from both ends

a koja će nadamo se biti korisna ljudima s obje strane,

of the perpetrator-survivor scale.

žrtve i počinitelja.

If nothing else,

Ako ništa drugo,

it's a story that we would've needed to hear when we were younger.

to je priča koju smo trebali čuti kada smo bili mlađi.

Given the nature of our story,

S obzirom na prirodu naše priče,

I know the words that inevitably accompany it --

postoje riječi kojima je uvijek popraćena --

victim, rapist --

žrtva, silovatelj --

and labels are a way to organize concepts,

njima označavamo koncepte,

but they can also be dehumanizing in their connotations.

no mogu biti dehumanizirajuće u svojim značenjima.

Once someone's been deemed a victim,

Kada je netko označen kao žrtva,

it's that much easier to file them away as someone damaged,

puno je lakše strpati ga u ladicu oštećenoga,

dishonored,

obeščašćenoga,

less than.

manje vrijednoga.

And likewise, once someone has been branded a rapist,

Isto tako, ako je netko obilježen kao silovatelj,

it's that much easier to call him a monster --

puno je lakše nazvati ga čudovištem --

inhuman.

neljudskim.

But how will we understand what it is in human societies

No kako ćemo razumjeti što u ljudskom društvu

that produces violence

izaziva nasilje,

if we refuse to recognize the humanity of those who commit it?

ako odbijamo prepoznati ljudskost u onima koji nasilje počine?

And how --

I kako --

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

And how can we empower survivors if we're making them feel less than?

Kako ćemo osnažiti preživjele, ako se osjećaju manje vrijedno?

How can we discuss solutions to one of the biggest threats

Kako ćemo razgovarati o rješenjima za neke od najvećih prijetnji

to the lives of women and children around the world,

životima žena i djece diljem svijeta

if the very words we use are part of the problem?

kada su same riječi koje koristimo dio problema?

TS: From what I've now learnt,

TS: Naučio sam iz svega

my actions that night in 1996 were a self-centered taking.

da je moje ponašanje te noći 1996. bilo usredotočeno na mene samoga.

I felt deserving of Thordis's body.

Osjećao sam da zaslužujem Thordisino tijelo.

I've had primarily positive social influences

Bio sam izložen pozitivnim društvenim utjecajima

and examples of equitable behavior around me.

i primjerima ponašanja utemeljenog na jednakosti.

But on that occasion,

No tom prilikom,

I chose to draw upon the negative ones.

poveo sam se za lošim principima.

The ones that see women as having less intrinsic worth,

Onima prema kojima su žene manje vrijedne,

and of men having some unspoken and symbolic claim to their bodies.

a muškarci imaju prešutno i simboličko pravo na njihova tijela.

These influences I speak of are external to me, though.

Govorim o vanjskim utjecajima.

And it was only me in that room making choices,

U toj sam sobi ja donosio odluke,

nobody else.

nitko drugi.

When you own something

Kada priznaš nešto

and really square up to your culpability,

i zaista prihvatiš svoju krivnju,

I do think a surprising thing can happen.

može se dogoditi nešto iznenađujuće.

It's what I call a paradox of ownership.

Nazivam to paradoksom priznanja.

I thought I'd buckle under the weight of responsibility.

Mislio sam da ću se slomiti pod teretom odgovornosti,

I thought my certificate of humanity would be burnt.

da će potvrda moje ljudskosti nestati.

Instead, I was offered to really own what I did,

Umjesto toga, ponuđeno mi je da preuzmem krivnju,

and found that it didn't possess the entirety of who I am.

no otkrio sam da ona nije preuzela sve ono što ja jesam.

Put simply,

Jednostavno rečeno,

something you've done doesn't have to constitute the sum of who you are.

nešto što ste učinili nije nužno zbroj onoga tko ste.

The noise in my head abated.

Jenjavala je buka u mojoj glavi.

The indulgent self-pity was starved of oxygen,

Samosažaljenje kojem sam se prepustio ostalo je bez kisika

and it was replaced with the clean air of acceptance --

i zamijenio ga je čisti zrak prihvaćanja --

an acceptance that I did hurt this wonderful person standing next to me;

prihvaćanja činjenice da sam povrijedio ovu divnu osobu pored mene;

an acceptance that I am part of a large and shockingly everyday grouping of men

prihvaćanja da sam dio velike i svakidašnje skupine muškaraca

who have been sexually violent toward their partners.

koji su izložili partnerice seksualnom nasilju.

Don't underestimate the power of words.

Ne podcjenjujte moć riječi.

Saying to Thordis that I raped her changed my accord with myself,

Kada sam rekao Thordis da sam je silovao, promijenio se moj odnos prema sebi samom,

as well as with her.

kao i prema njoj.

But most importantly,

No najvažnije,

the blame transferred from Thordis to me.

krivnja je s Thordis prešla na mene.

Far too often,

Prečesto

the responsibility is attributed to female survivors of sexual violence,

odgovornost preuzimaju žene koje su preživjele seksualno nasilje,

and not to the males who enact it.

a ne muškarci koji su ga počinili.

Far too often,

Prečesto

the denial and running leaves all parties at a great distance from the truth.

zbog poricanja i bijega obje strane odu predaleko od istine.

There's definitely a public conversation happening now,

Trenutno je aktualna javna rasprava

and like a lot of people,

i kao mnogi

we're heartened that there's less retreating

drago nam je da je sve manje izbjegavanja

from this difficult but important discussion.

ove teške, ali važne rasprave.

I feel a real responsibility to add our voices to it.

Osjećam se odgovornim da joj pridonesem svojim glasom.

TE: What we did is not a formula that we're prescribing for others.

TE: Ono što smo učinili nije formula koju propisujemo ostalima.

Nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to handle their deepest pain

Nitko nema pravo drugome govoriti kako se nositi s najdubljom boli

or their greatest error.

ili najvećom pogrješkom.

Breaking your silence is never easy,

Nikada nije lako prekinuti šutnju,

and depending on where you are in the world,

a ovisno o tome gdje u svijetu se nalazite,

it can even be deadly to speak out about rape.

može biti i smrtonosno progovoriti o silovanju.

I realize that even the most traumatic event of my life

Uvidjela sam da čak i najtraumatičniji događaj u mom životu

is still a testament to my privilege,

svjedoči o mojoj privilegiranosti

because I can talk about it without getting ostracized,

jer mogu o njemu govoriti, a da me ne stigmatiziraju

or even killed.

ili čak ubiju.

But with that privilege of having a voice

No s privilegijom prava glasa

comes the responsibility of using it.

dolazi i odgovornost da se to pravo iskoristi.

That's the least I owe my fellow survivors who can't.

Dugujem to preživjelima koje nemaju tu privilegiju.

The story we've just relayed is unique,

Naša je priča jedinstvena,

and yet it is so common with sexual violence being a global pandemic.

a opet i tako uobičajena jer je seksualno nasilje poput epidemije.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

No ne mora biti tako.

One of the things that I found useful on my own healing journey

Na putu iscjeljenja pomogla mi je

is educating myself about sexual violence.

edukacija o seksualnom nasilju.

And as a result, I've been reading, writing

Čitam, pišem

and speaking about this issue for over a decade now,

i govorim o ovome više od deset godina,

going to conferences around the world.

obilazim konferencije diljem svijeta.

And in my experience,

Iz osobnog iskustva,

the attendees of such events are almost exclusively women.

te konferencije posjećuju gotovo isključivo žene.

But it's about time that we stop treating sexual violence as a women's issue.

Moramo se prestati ponašati kao da je seksualno nasilje ženski problem.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

A majority of sexual violence against women and men

U većini slučajeva seksualnog nasilja prema ženama i muškarcima

is perpetrated by men.

počinitelji su muškarci.

And yet their voices are sorely underrepresented in this discussion.

No oni u ovoj raspravi gotovo i ne sudjeluju.

But all of us are needed here.

Svi se trebaju uključiti.

Just imagine all the suffering we could alleviate

Zamislite patnju koju možemo izbjeći

if we dared to face this issue together.

usudimo li se zajedno suočiti s ovim problemom.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)