What makes a friendship last? | Am I Normal? with Mona Chalabi

157,443 views ・ 2021-10-21

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Transcriber:
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I've moved about 20 times in my life.
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Prevodilac: Andjelka Stojanovic Lektor: Ivana Korom
Selila sam se oko 20 puta do sada.
00:02
And each time that I move to a new neighborhood, a new city, a new country,
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Svaki put kada dođem u drugi komšiluk, drugi grad, drugu zemlju,
00:07
it seems to get harder and harder to sustain the friendships I left behind.
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postaje sve teže i teže održati prethodna prijateljstva.
00:10
But right now,
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Upravo sada,
00:12
sustaining those friendships seems especially important
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održavanje tih prijateljstava deluje posebno bitno
00:14
and especially difficult.
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i posebno teško.
00:16
So I'm wondering what is manageable?
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Tako da razmišljam kako je to izvodljivo?
00:19
How can I keep those friendships afloat without getting overwhelmed?
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Kako mogu na najlakši način sačuvati ta prijateljstva?
00:22
[Am I Normal? with Mona Chalabi]
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[Da li sam ja normalan? sa Monom Šalabi]
00:25
To find out, I turned to my two most trusted sources:
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Da bih saznala kako, okrenula sam se mojim najpouzdanijim resursima:
00:28
data and my mum.
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podacima i mojoj mami.
00:30
Now, since she hates being on camera,
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Sada, pošto ona ne voli kameru,
00:32
this puppet is going to be as good as it gets.
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ova lutka će morati da posluži.
00:34
But before she weighs in,
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Pre nego što ona upadne,
00:36
I wanted to look at the studies on how friendships fall apart
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hoću da pogledam studije o tome kako se prijateljstvo raspadne
00:39
in the hopes that I might be able to avoid some of those pitfalls.
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sa nadom da nekako mogu da izbegnem te prepreke.
00:42
According to one study,
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Prema jednoj studiji,
00:44
friendships often dissolve because of a lack of opportunity
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prijateljstva se obično raspadnu zbog nedostatka mogućnosti
00:46
to meet, hang out and connect.
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za viđanje, druženje i zbližavanje.
00:49
Which may explain why, after a year of isolation,
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Što može objasniti zašto, nakon godinu dana izolacije,
00:51
some of my friendships feel like they're hanging on by a thread.
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osećam da neka od mojih prijateljstava vise o koncu.
00:54
The same researcher made headlines
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Isti istraživač je pokazao
00:56
with the finding that we lose half of our friendships every seven years.
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da izgubimo polovinu svojih prijateljstava svakih sedam godina.
01:00
Now, before you start doomscrolling through your contact list,
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Pre nego što počnete da listate po svojim kontaktima,
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you should know that's not quite as severe as it sounds.
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trebalo bi da znate da nije toliko strašno kao što zvuči.
01:06
Over those seven years,
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Za tih sedam godina,
01:07
the size of our friendship group actually stays pretty stable.
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veličina naše prijateljske grupe ostaje prilično stabilna.
01:10
So if you have 20 or 30 good friends now,
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Ako sada imate 20 ili 30 dobrih prijatelja,
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seven years later,
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za sedam godina,
01:14
you still probably have 20 or 30 good friends.
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imaćete isto 20 ili 30 dobrih prijatelja.
01:16
The catch, though, is that 52 percent of those faces will be different.
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Caka u tome, je pak, da 52 procenta tih ljudi neće biti isti.
01:20
Over seven years,
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Tokom sedam godina,
01:21
we will replace many of the people in our network with new ones.
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zamenićemo mnoge u našim mrežama novim ljudima.
01:25
As someone who has had to work more and more from home,
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Kao neko ko je morao sve više i više da radi od kuće,
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the opportunity to go out and make new friends is pretty limited.
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mogućnost da izlazim i stvaram nova prijateljstva mi je ograničena.
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It's a luxury I don't often have.
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To je luksuz koji nemam često.
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And the research on the formation of new friends
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Istraživanje formiranja novih prijateljstava
01:35
suggest that this takes time.
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navodi da za to treba vremena.
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A lot of time.
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Dosta vremena.
01:38
A recent study found
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Jedna skorašnja studija je pokazala
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that you have to spend between 40 and 60 hours with someone
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da treba da provedete između 40 i 60 sati sa nekim
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before they can go from an acquaintance to a casual friend.
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pre nego što mogu da pređu sa poznanika na opuštenog prijatelja.
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They get upgraded to a fully fledged friend
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Na prijatelja sa povrenjem se nadograđuju
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around 80 to 100 hours,
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nakon 80 do 100 sati,
01:52
and get elevated to a best friend
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i podižu se do najboljeg prijatelja
01:54
after you spend at least 200 hours of quality time together.
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kada provedete najmanje 200 sati kvalitetnog vremena zajedno.
01:58
And the emphasis here is on quality time.
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Ovde se ističe kvalitetno vreme.
02:00
You might say "hi" to a barista every morning
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Vi možda šankeru kažete “zdravo” svakog jutra
02:03
or be polite to a coworker,
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ili ste učtivi sa svojim kolegama,
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but you wouldn't necessarily invite either one over for dinner.
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ali nećete obavezno pozvati na večeru ni jednog od njih.
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I was feeling a little bit daunted by all of these numbers
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Malo sam se obeshrabrila svim ovim brojevima
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until I spoke to my mum,
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dok nisam pričala sa mamom,
02:12
who has a more optimistic take on all of this.
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koja ima optimističniji pogled na sve ovo.
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"A friendship is essential in your life.
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“Prijateljstvo je suštinska stvar u vašem životu.
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How does friendship start?
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Kako nastaje prijateljstvo?
02:20
The first thing is to know that person.
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Prvo što morate da upoznate tu osobu.
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If you don't want to know these people,
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Ako ne želite da znate te ljude,
02:25
if you don't open a window of communication,
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ako ne otvorite vrata komunikacije,
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you will never become friends of them.
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nikada nećete postati prijatelji sa njima.
02:31
You have to start.
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Morate da počnete.
02:32
If you want to be isolated,
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Ako želite da budete izolovani,
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you just shut your windows and look at them,
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zatvorite svoja vrata i samo ih posmatrajte,
02:36
and they don't look at you."
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i oni vas neće gledati.”
02:38
OK, so yes, if I really, really want to make a new friendship,
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Znači, ako stvarno želim da steknem novo prijateljstvo,
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I could go out and make the effort to make a new friend by, say,
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mogu da izađem i da se potrudim da nađem prijatelja, na primer,
02:46
knocking on my neighbor's door,
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kucajući na vrata komšiji
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who plays really good music a bit too loudly.
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koji pušta stvarno dobru muziku malo preglasno.
02:49
But what about my current group of friends?
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Ali šta sa mojom trenutnom grupom prijatelja?
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Are we all doomed just because we don't get the chance
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Da li smo svi prokleti zbog toga što nemamo priliku
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to hang out like we used to?
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da se viđamo kao pre?
02:56
"I think yes, with the friends,
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“Mislim da je tačno, da sa prijateljima,
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the distance gets further and further if you are not meeting them.
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distanca postaje sve dalja i dalja ako se ne viđate.
03:03
But it also shows you the ones
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Takođe ti i pokaže one
03:06
that don't disappear because of the time or the distance.
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koji se ne izgube zbog vremena ili distance.
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They will be there for you if you need them.
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Biće tu za tebe ako su ti potrebni.
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So the special friends.
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Tako da ti posebni prjatelji
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And this difficult time shows you who cares
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i ova teška vremena ti pokazuju kome je stvarno stalo
03:19
and who is a good person or a good friend."
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i ko je dobra osoba ili dobar prijatelj.”
03:24
I think she's right.
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Mislim da je u pravu.
03:25
I don't think there's a magical formula
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Mislim da ne postoji magična formula
03:27
or a mythical number of hours to chase.
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ili mitski broj sati koji ćemo juriti.
03:29
This just takes time and effort.
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Ovo traži vreme i trud.
03:31
So if you'll excuse me,
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Tako da izvinite,
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I have a good friend that I need to call.
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moram da pozovem jednog dobrog prijatelja.
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