What makes a friendship last? | Am I Normal? with Mona Chalabi

Transcriber:

I've moved about 20 times in my life.

Prevodilac: Andjelka Stojanovic Lektor: Ivana Korom

Selila sam se oko 20 puta do sada.

And each time that I move to a new neighborhood, a new city, a new country,

Svaki put kada dođem u drugi komšiluk, drugi grad, drugu zemlju,

it seems to get harder and harder to sustain the friendships I left behind.

postaje sve teže i teže održati prethodna prijateljstva.

But right now,

Upravo sada,

sustaining those friendships seems especially important

održavanje tih prijateljstava deluje posebno bitno

and especially difficult.

i posebno teško.

So I'm wondering what is manageable?

Tako da razmišljam kako je to izvodljivo?

How can I keep those friendships afloat without getting overwhelmed?

Kako mogu na najlakši način sačuvati ta prijateljstva?

[Am I Normal? with Mona Chalabi]

[Da li sam ja normalan? sa Monom Šalabi]

To find out, I turned to my two most trusted sources:

Da bih saznala kako, okrenula sam se mojim najpouzdanijim resursima:

data and my mum.

podacima i mojoj mami.

Now, since she hates being on camera,

Sada, pošto ona ne voli kameru,

this puppet is going to be as good as it gets.

ova lutka će morati da posluži.

But before she weighs in,

Pre nego što ona upadne,

I wanted to look at the studies on how friendships fall apart

hoću da pogledam studije o tome kako se prijateljstvo raspadne

in the hopes that I might be able to avoid some of those pitfalls.

sa nadom da nekako mogu da izbegnem te prepreke.

According to one study,

Prema jednoj studiji,

friendships often dissolve because of a lack of opportunity

prijateljstva se obično raspadnu zbog nedostatka mogućnosti

to meet, hang out and connect.

za viđanje, druženje i zbližavanje.

Which may explain why, after a year of isolation,

Što može objasniti zašto, nakon godinu dana izolacije,

some of my friendships feel like they're hanging on by a thread.

osećam da neka od mojih prijateljstava vise o koncu.

The same researcher made headlines

Isti istraživač je pokazao

with the finding that we lose half of our friendships every seven years.

da izgubimo polovinu svojih prijateljstava svakih sedam godina.

Now, before you start doomscrolling through your contact list,

Pre nego što počnete da listate po svojim kontaktima,

you should know that's not quite as severe as it sounds.

trebalo bi da znate da nije toliko strašno kao što zvuči.

Over those seven years,

Za tih sedam godina,

the size of our friendship group actually stays pretty stable.

veličina naše prijateljske grupe ostaje prilično stabilna.

So if you have 20 or 30 good friends now,

Ako sada imate 20 ili 30 dobrih prijatelja,

seven years later,

za sedam godina,

you still probably have 20 or 30 good friends.

imaćete isto 20 ili 30 dobrih prijatelja.

The catch, though, is that 52 percent of those faces will be different.

Caka u tome, je pak, da 52 procenta tih ljudi neće biti isti.

Over seven years,

Tokom sedam godina,

we will replace many of the people in our network with new ones.

zamenićemo mnoge u našim mrežama novim ljudima.

As someone who has had to work more and more from home,

Kao neko ko je morao sve više i više da radi od kuće,

the opportunity to go out and make new friends is pretty limited.

mogućnost da izlazim i stvaram nova prijateljstva mi je ograničena.

It's a luxury I don't often have.

To je luksuz koji nemam često.

And the research on the formation of new friends

Istraživanje formiranja novih prijateljstava

suggest that this takes time.

navodi da za to treba vremena.

A lot of time.

Dosta vremena.

A recent study found

Jedna skorašnja studija je pokazala

that you have to spend between 40 and 60 hours with someone

da treba da provedete između 40 i 60 sati sa nekim

before they can go from an acquaintance to a casual friend.

pre nego što mogu da pređu sa poznanika na opuštenog prijatelja.

They get upgraded to a fully fledged friend

Na prijatelja sa povrenjem se nadograđuju

around 80 to 100 hours,

nakon 80 do 100 sati,

and get elevated to a best friend

i podižu se do najboljeg prijatelja

after you spend at least 200 hours of quality time together.

kada provedete najmanje 200 sati kvalitetnog vremena zajedno.

And the emphasis here is on quality time.

Ovde se ističe kvalitetno vreme.

You might say "hi" to a barista every morning

Vi možda šankeru kažete “zdravo” svakog jutra

or be polite to a coworker,

ili ste učtivi sa svojim kolegama,

but you wouldn't necessarily invite either one over for dinner.

ali nećete obavezno pozvati na večeru ni jednog od njih.

I was feeling a little bit daunted by all of these numbers

Malo sam se obeshrabrila svim ovim brojevima

until I spoke to my mum,

dok nisam pričala sa mamom,

who has a more optimistic take on all of this.

koja ima optimističniji pogled na sve ovo.

"A friendship is essential in your life.

“Prijateljstvo je suštinska stvar u vašem životu.

How does friendship start?

Kako nastaje prijateljstvo?

The first thing is to know that person.

Prvo što morate da upoznate tu osobu.

If you don't want to know these people,

Ako ne želite da znate te ljude,

if you don't open a window of communication,

ako ne otvorite vrata komunikacije,

you will never become friends of them.

nikada nećete postati prijatelji sa njima.

You have to start.

Morate da počnete.

If you want to be isolated,

Ako želite da budete izolovani,

you just shut your windows and look at them,

zatvorite svoja vrata i samo ih posmatrajte,

and they don't look at you."

i oni vas neće gledati.”

OK, so yes, if I really, really want to make a new friendship,

Znači, ako stvarno želim da steknem novo prijateljstvo,

I could go out and make the effort to make a new friend by, say,

mogu da izađem i da se potrudim da nađem prijatelja, na primer,

knocking on my neighbor's door,

kucajući na vrata komšiji

who plays really good music a bit too loudly.

koji pušta stvarno dobru muziku malo preglasno.

But what about my current group of friends?

Ali šta sa mojom trenutnom grupom prijatelja?

Are we all doomed just because we don't get the chance

Da li smo svi prokleti zbog toga što nemamo priliku

to hang out like we used to?

da se viđamo kao pre?

"I think yes, with the friends,

“Mislim da je tačno, da sa prijateljima,

the distance gets further and further if you are not meeting them.

distanca postaje sve dalja i dalja ako se ne viđate.

But it also shows you the ones

Takođe ti i pokaže one

that don't disappear because of the time or the distance.

koji se ne izgube zbog vremena ili distance.

They will be there for you if you need them.

Biće tu za tebe ako su ti potrebni.

So the special friends.

Tako da ti posebni prjatelji

And this difficult time shows you who cares

i ova teška vremena ti pokazuju kome je stvarno stalo

and who is a good person or a good friend."

i ko je dobra osoba ili dobar prijatelj.”

I think she's right.

Mislim da je u pravu.

I don't think there's a magical formula

Mislim da ne postoji magična formula

or a mythical number of hours to chase.

ili mitski broj sati koji ćemo juriti.

This just takes time and effort.

Ovo traži vreme i trud.

So if you'll excuse me,

Tako da izvinite,

I have a good friend that I need to call.

moram da pozovem jednog dobrog prijatelja.