Cara E. Yar Khan: The beautiful balance between courage and fear | TED

Prevodilac: Ivana Krivokuća Lektor: Kristina Radosavljević

When we're young, we're innocently brave,

Kad smo mladi, nevino smo hrabri,

and we fearlessly dream about what our lives might be like.

i neustrašivo sanjamo kakav bi mogao da bude naš život.

Maybe you wanted to be an astronaut or a rocket scientist.

Možda ste želeli da budete astronaut ili kosmički inženjer.

Maybe you dreamed of traveling to every continent.

Možda ste sanjali o tome da obiđete sve kontinente.

Since I was very young,

Ja sam od vrlo ranog uzrasta

I dreamed of working for the United Nations

maštala o tome da radim za Ujedinjene nacije

in some of the most difficult countries in the world.

u nekim zemljama koje su najteže za život.

And thanks to a lot of courage

Zahvaljujući ogromnoj hrabrosti,

that dream came true.

taj san se ostvario.

But here's the thing about courage:

Ali evo u čemu je caka kada je reč o hrabrosti:

it doesn't just appear whenever we need it.

ona se neće naprosto pojaviti kad god vam je potrebna.

It's the result of tough reflection and real work,

Rezultat je jakog promišljanja i istinskog rada,

involving the balance between fear and bravery.

što podrazumeva ravnotežu između straha i hrabrosti.

Without fear, we'll do foolish things.

Bez straha pravimo gluposti.

And without courage, we'll never step into the unknown.

A bez hrabrosti nikada nećemo zakoračiti u nepoznato.

The balance of the two is where the magic lies,

Magija je u ravnoteži između ta dva,

and it's a balance we all deal with every day.

a sa tom ravnotežom imamo posla svakodnevno.

First, a word about my fancy wheels.

Najpre da kažem nešto o mojim opasnim točkovima.

I haven't always used a wheelchair.

Nisam uvek koristila invalidska kolica.

I grew up like many of you,

Odrastala sam kao i mnogi među vama, trčala, skakala i plesala.

running, jumping and dancing.

I love to dance.

Obožavam da plešem.

However, in my mid-twenties,

Međutim, u svojim dvadesetim,

I began to experience a series of inexplicable falls.

počela sam da prolazim kroz niz neobjašnjivih padova.

And a few years later,

Nekoliko godina kasnije,

I was diagnosed with a recessive genetic condition

dijagnostikovano mi je recesivno genetsko stanje

called hereditary inclusion body myopathy,

zvano nasledna inkluziona telesna miopatija

or HIBM.

ili NITM.

It's a progressive muscle wasting disease

To je progresivna bolest gubitka mišića

that affects all of my muscles from head to toe.

koja zahvata sve moje mišiće od glave do pete.

HIBM is very rare.

NITM je veoma retka.

In the United States there are less than 200 people diagnosed.

U Sjedinjenim Državama tu dijagnozu ima manje od 200 ljudi.

To date, there is no proved treatment or cure,

Ni dan-danas ne postoji dokazano efikasan tretman ili lek,

and within 10 to 15 years of its onset,

a u roku od 10 do 15 godina otkako se pojavi,

HIBM typically leads to quadriplegia,

NITM obično dovodi do kvadriplegije,

which is why I now use a wheelchair.

zbog čega sada koristim kolica.

When I was first diagnosed, everything changed.

Kada sam dobila tu dijagnozu, sve se promenilo.

It was frightening news

Bile su to zastrašujuće vesti

because I had no experience with chronic illness or disabilities.

jer nisam imala nikakvo iskustvo sa hroničnim bolestima ili invaliditetom.

And I had no idea how the disease might progress.

Nisam imala predstavu kako ova bolest može napredovati.

But what was most disheartening

Ali najviše me je rastuživalo

was to listen to other people advise me

kada bih slušala kako me ljudi savetuju

to limit my ambitions and dreams,

da smanjim svoje ambicije i snove,

and to change my expectations of what to expect from life.

i da promenim očekivanja u vezi sa ostatkom života.

"You should quit your international career."

„Trebalo bi da odustaneš od međunarodne karijere.“

"No one will marry you this way."

„Niko se neće oženiti sa tobom takvom.“

"You would be selfish to have children."

„Bilo bi sebično od tebe da odlučiš da imaš decu.“

The fact that someone who wasn't me

Činjenica da neko ko nije ja

was putting limitations on my dreams and ambitions

postavlja ograničenja mojim snovima i ambicijama

was preposterous.

bila je suluda.

And unacceptable.

I neprihvatljiva.

So I ignored them.

Tako da sam ih ignorisala.

(Cheers and applause)

(Ovacije i aplauz)

I did get married.

Ipak se jesam udala.

And I decided for myself not to have children.

I samostalno sam rešila da neću imati dece.

And I continued my career with the United Nations

Nastavila sam karijeru u Ujedinjenim nacijama

after my diagnosis,

nakon postavljene dijagnoze,

going to work for two years in Angola,

i otišla na dve godine da radim u Angoli,

a country recovering from 27 years of brutal civil war.

zemlji koja se opravljala od 27 godina brutalnog građanskog rata.

However, it would be another five years

Međutim, tek pet godina kasnije

until I officially declared my diagnosis to my employer.

sam zvanično poslodavcu saopštila svoju dijagnozu.

Because I was afraid

Zato što sam se bojala

that they would question my capacity to manage and I'd lose my job.

da će dovesti u pitanje moju sposobnost da upravljam i da ću izgubiti posao.

I was working in countries where polio had been common,

Radila sam u zemljama u kojima je dečja paraliza bila učestala,

so when I overheard someone say

pa kada sam slučajno čula nekog kako govori

that they thought I might have survived polio,

da misli da sam možda preživela dečju paralizu,

I thought my secret was safe.

mislila sam da je moja tajna bezbedna.

No one asked why I was limping.

Niko me nije pitao zašto hramljem.

So I didn't say anything.

Tako da ni ja ništa nisam govorila.

It took me over a decade

Trebalo mi je više od decenije da prihvatim ozbiljnost NITM-a,

to internalize the severity of HIBM,

even as basic tasks and functions became increasingly difficult.

čak i kako su osnovni zadaci i funkcije postajali sve teži.

Yet, I continued to pursue my dream of working all over the world,

Ipak sam nastavila da sledim svoj san da radim po celom svetu,

and was even appointed as a disability focal point

i čak sam postavljena kao kontakt za osobe sa invaliditetom

for UNICEF in Haiti,

pri UNICEF-u u Haitiju,

where I served for two years after the devastating 2010 earthquake.

gde sam radila dve godine nakon razornog zemljotresa 2010. godine.

And then my work brought me to the United States.

A zatim me je posao doveo u Sjedinjene Države.

And even as the disease progressed significantly

Čak i kada je bolest značajno napredovala

and I needed leg braces and a walker to get around,

i kada su mi bile potrebne proteze za noge i hodalica da bih se kretala,

I still longed for adventure.

i dalje sam žudela za avanturom.

And this time,

Ovoga puta,

I started dreaming of a grand outdoor adventure.

počela sam da maštam o velikoj avanturi na otvorenom.

And what's more grand than the Grand Canyon?

A šta ima veće od Velikog kanjona?

Did you know that for every five million people who visit the Rim

Da li ste znali da na svakih pet miliona ljudi koji posete obod,

only one percent go down to the canyon's base?

samo jedan odsto siđe do baze kanjona?

I wanted to be a part of that one percent.

Želela sam da budem deo tog jednog procenta.

The only thing is --

Jedini problem je -

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

The only thing is that the Grand Canyon isn't exactly accessible.

Jedini problem je u tome što Veliki kanjon nije baš pristupačan.

I was going to need some assistance

Bila mi je potrebna pomoć

to get down the 5,000-foot descent of vertical loose terrain.

da bih se spustila niz kilometar i po nestabilnog vertikalnog terena.

Now, when I face obstacles,

Kada se suočim sa preprekama,

fear doesn't necessarily immediately set in

strah obično ne nastupi odmah

because I assume that one way or another,

jer pretpostavim da ću, šta god da se desi,

I'll figure it out.

nekako naći rešenje.

And in this case, my thought was,

A u ovom slučaju sam mislila da,

well, if I can't walk down,

pa, ako ne mogu da peške siđem dole,

I could learn to ride a horse.

mogla bih da naučim da jašem konja.

So that's what I did.

I to sam i uradila.

And with that fateful decision

Tom sudbonosnom odlukom

began a four-year commitment,

započeta je četvorogodišnja posvećenost,

tossing back and forth between fear and courage

u stalnoj smeni straha i hrabrosti,

to undertake a 12-day expedition.

kako bih krenula na ekspediciju od 12 dana.

Four days on horseback to cross Grand Canyon rim to rim,

Četiri dana na konju da bih prešla Veliki kanjon od oboda do oboda,

and eight days rafting 150 miles of the Colorado River,

i osam dana raftinga duž 240 km reke Kolorado,

all with a film crew in tow.

a sve to u paketu sa filmskom ekipom.

Spoiler alert -- we made it.

Pokvariću vam film - uspeli smo.

But not without showing me how my deepest fear

Ali tako da sam uvidela da moj najdublji strah

can somehow manifest a mirror response of equal courage.

nekako može iznedriti reakciju podjednake hrabrosti.

On April 13, 2018,

Dana 13. aprila 2018. godine,

dok sam sedela dva i po metra iznad zemlje,

sitting eight feet above the ground,

riding a mustang horse named Sheriff,

jašući konja mustanga po imenu Šerif,

my first impression of Grand Canyon

moj prvi utisak o Velikom kanjonu

was one of shock and terror.

bio je ispunjen šokom i užasom.

Who knew I had a fear of heights.

Ko bi rekao da imam strah od visine.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

But there was no giving up now.

Ali nisam mogla da odustanem sada.

I mustered up every ounce of courage inside me

Smogla sam svaki gram snage u sebi

to not let my fear get the best of me.

kako ne bih dozvolila da me obuzme strah.

Embarking on the South Rim,

Kada sam krenula ka južnom obodu,

all I could do to keep myself composed

jedino što sam mogla da bih se sabrala

was to breathe deeply, stare up into the clouds

bilo je da dišem duboko, zurim u oblake

and focus on my team's voices.

i usredsredim se na glasove ljudi iz mog tima.

But then, in the first hour, disaster struck.

Ali potom je, tokom prvog sata, nastupila katastrofa.

Unable to hold myself upright in the saddle,

Kako nisam mogla da se uspravno držim u sedlu,

going down an oversized step,

idući niz preveliki stepenik,

I flung forward and smacked my face on the back of the horse's head.

poletela sam napred i udarila licem u potiljak konja.

There was panic,

Nastala je panika,

my head hurt fiercely,

glava me je žestoko bolela,

but the path was too narrow for us to dismount.

ali staza je bila suviše uska da bismo sjahali.

Only at the halfway point at 2,300 feet,

Tek na pola puta, na 700 metara visine,

at least another two hours down,

sa najmanje dva sata nadole,

could we stop and remove my helmet

mogli smo da se zaustavimo da skinemo moju kacigu

and see the egg-sized bump protruding from my forehead.

i vidimo čvorugu velicine jajeta koja mi je virila na čelu.

For all of that planning and gear,

Uz sve to planiranje i opremu,

how is it that we didn't even have an ice pack?

kako to da nismo imali ni hladne obloge?

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Luckily for all of us, the swelling came outwards,

Srećom za sve nas, otok je izašao spolja,

and would drain into my face as two fantastic black eyes

i slio mi se niz lice kao dve fantastične modrice ispod očiju,

which is an amazing way to look in a documentary film.

što je sjajan izgled za dokumentarni film.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause and cheers)

(Aplauz i ovacije)

This was not an easy, peaceful journey,

Ovo nije bilo lako i mirno putovanje,

and yet, that was exactly the point.

ali ipak, to je bila poenta.

Even though I was afraid to get back into the saddle,

Mada sam se bojala da se vratim u sedlo,

I got back in.

opet sam zajahala.

The descent alone to the canyon floor

Samo spuštanje do dna kanjona

took a total of 10 hours

trajalo je ukupno 10 sati,

and that was just day one of four riding.

a to je bio samo prvi od četiri dana jahanja.

Next came the mighty rapids.

Usledili su moćni brzaci.

The Colorado River in the Grand Canyon

Reka Kolorado u Velikom kanjonu

has some of the highest white water in the country.

ima uzburkane vode sa nekim od najvećih brzaka u zemlji.

And just to be prepared in case we should capsize,

I samo da budemo spremni za slučaj da se prevrnemo,

we'd practice having me swim through a smaller rapid.

vežbali smo da plivam kroz manji brzak.

And it's safe to say it wasn't glamorous.

I mogu otvoreno reći da to nije bio glamurozan prizor.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I took my breath in the wrong part of the wave,

Udahnula sam na pogrešnom delu talasa,

choked on river water

gušila se od rečne vode

and was unable to steer myself.

i nisam bila u stanju da se usmerim.

Yes, it was scary,

Da, bilo je strašno,

but it was also fantastic.

ali isto tako i fantastično.

Waterfalls, slick canyons

Vodopadi, klizavi kanjoni

and a couple billion years of bedrock

i nekoliko milijardi godina stare stene

that seemed to change color throughout the day.

koje kao da su menjale boje tokom dana.

The Grand Canyon is true wilderness

Veliki kanjon je prava divljina

and worthy of all of its accolades.

i dostojan svega zbog čega ga hvale.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

The expedition,

Ova ekspedicija,

all that planning and the trip itself,

sve to planiranje i sam put,

showed me a level of fear I had never experienced before.

pokazali su mi nivo straha kakav nikada pre nisam doživela.

But more importantly,

Ali što je važnije,

it showed me how boldly courageous I can be.

pokazali su mi koliko hrabra mogu da budem.

My Grand Canyon journey was not easy.

Moje putovanje po Velikom kanjonu nije bilo lako.

This was not a vision of an Amazonian woman

To nije bio prizor Amazonke

effortlessly making her way through epic scenery.

koja se bez napora probija kroz epski predeo.

This was me crying,

Ja sam tu plakala,

exhausted and beat up with two black eyes.

iscrpljena i izmučena sa dve modrice ispod očiju.

It was scary,

Bilo je strašno,

it was stressful,

bilo je stresno,

it was exhilarating.

bilo je uzbudljivo.

Sada kada se putovanje završilo,

Now that the trip is over,

it's easy to be blasé about what we achieved.

lako je biti ravnodušan prema onome što smo postigli.

I know I want to raft the river again.

Znam da želim da ponovo idem na rafting na reci.

This time, all 277 miles of it.

Ovog puta, duž celih 446 kilometara.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

But I also know that I would never do the horseback-riding part again.

Ali isto tako znam da nikada više neću pristati na deo sa jahanjem konja.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

It's just too dangerous.

To je jednostavno previše opasno.

And that's my real point.

A to je u stvari moja poenta.

I'm not just here to show you my film footage.

Nisam došla ovde samo da bih vam pokazala snimak.

I'm here to remind us all

Ovde sam da bih sve nas podsetila

that life is really just a lesson

da je život zapravo samo lekcija

in finding the balance between fear and courage.

pronalaženja ravnoteže između straha i hrabrosti.

And understanding what is and what isn't a good idea.

I uviđanje šta jeste, a šta nije pametno činiti.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Life is already scary,

Život je sam po sebi strašan,

so for our dreams to come true, we need to be brave.

pa, da bi se naši snovi ostvarili, moramo biti hrabri.

In facing my fears

Kroz suočavanje sa strahovima

and finding the courage to push through them,

i pronalaženje hrabrosti da nastavim uprkos njima,

I swear my life has been extraordinary.

kunem se, moj život je bio izvandredan.

So live big

Zato živite punim plućima

and try to let your courage outweigh your fear.

i probajte da pustite da vam hrabrost nadjača strah.

You never know where it might take you.

Nikada ne znate gde vas može odvesti.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause and cheers)

(Aplauz i ovacije)