Cara E. Yar Khan: The beautiful balance between courage and fear | TED

Prevoditelj: Jasmina Sevo Recezent: Ivana Kordic

When we're young, we're innocently brave,

Kada smo mladi posjedujemo tu nevinu hrabrost

and we fearlessly dream about what our lives might be like.

i bez straha sanjarimo o tome kakav bi naš život mogao biti.

Maybe you wanted to be an astronaut or a rocket scientist.

Možda ste željeli biti astronaut ili raketni inženjer.

Maybe you dreamed of traveling to every continent.

Možda ste sanjarili da otputujete na svaki kontinent.

Since I was very young,

Otkad sam bila veoma mlada

I dreamed of working for the United Nations

sanjala sam da radim za Ujedinjene narode

in some of the most difficult countries in the world.

u nekima od najzahtjevnijih država na svijetu.

I, zahvaljujući velikoj hrabrosti,

And thanks to a lot of courage

that dream came true.

taj se san obistinio.

But here's the thing about courage:

Ali, evo nešto o hrabrosti:

it doesn't just appear whenever we need it.

nije da se jednostavno pojavi kad god nam treba.

Ona je rezultat dubokog promišljanja i stvarnoga rada,

It's the result of tough reflection and real work,

involving the balance between fear and bravery.

koji uključuju ravnotežu između straha i hrabrosti.

Without fear, we'll do foolish things.

Bez straha, činit ćemo blesave stvari.

And without courage, we'll never step into the unknown.

A bez hrabrosti nikada nećemo zakoračiti u nepoznato.

The balance of the two is where the magic lies,

U ravnoteži ovoga dvoga počiva magija,

and it's a balance we all deal with every day.

a pronalaženjem te ravnoteže svi se mi bavimo svakoga dana.

First, a word about my fancy wheels.

Prvo da kažem koju o svojim elegantnim kotačima.

I haven't always used a wheelchair.

Nisam oduvijek bila u kolicima.

I grew up like many of you,

Odrasla sam kao i mnogi od vas,

trčala, skakala i plesala.

running, jumping and dancing.

I love to dance.

Volim plesati.

However, in my mid-twenties,

Međutim, sredinom svojih dvadesetih

I began to experience a series of inexplicable falls.

počela sam doživljavati niz neobjašnjivih padova.

And a few years later,

Nekoliko godina kasnije

I was diagnosed with a recessive genetic condition

dijagnosticirano mi je recesivno genetsko stanje

called hereditary inclusion body myopathy,

pod imenom nasljedni miozitis s inkluzijskim tijelima

or HIBM.

ili HIBM.

It's a progressive muscle wasting disease

To je bolest progresivnog propadanja mišića

that affects all of my muscles from head to toe.

koja napada sve moje mišiće od glave do pete.

HIBM is very rare.

HIBM je veoma rijetka bolest.

In the United States there are less than 200 people diagnosed.

U SAD-u ima manje od 200 ljudi s tom dijagnozom.

To date, there is no proved treatment or cure,

Do danas ne postoji pouzdano liječenje niti lijek,

and within 10 to 15 years of its onset,

a unutar 10 do 15 godina od prvog pojavljivanja simptoma

HIBM typically leads to quadriplegia,

HIBM uobičajeno dovodi do kvadriplegije

which is why I now use a wheelchair.

i to je razlog zašto sada koristim kolica.

When I was first diagnosed, everything changed.

Kada mi je prvi put postavljena dijagnoza, sve se promijenilo.

It was frightening news

To su bile zastrašujuće vijesti

because I had no experience with chronic illness or disabilities.

zato što nisam imala nikakvog iskustva s kroničnim bolestima niti invalidnošću.

And I had no idea how the disease might progress.

Pojma nisam imala kako bi se bolest mogla razvijati.

No ono što me najviše obeshrabrivalo

But what was most disheartening

was to listen to other people advise me

bilo je slušati druge ljude kako mi savjetuju

to limit my ambitions and dreams,

da ograničim svoje ambicije i snove

and to change my expectations of what to expect from life.

i izmijenim svoja očekivanja vezana uz život.

"You should quit your international career."

"Trebala bi prekinuti svoju međunarodnu karijeru."

"No one will marry you this way."

"Nitko te neće htjeti ovakvu oženiti."

"You would be selfish to have children."

"Bilo bi sebično da imaš djecu."

The fact that someone who wasn't me

Činjenica da netko tko nije ja

postavlja ograničenja na moje snove i ambicije

was putting limitations on my dreams and ambitions

was preposterous.

bila je apsurdna.

And unacceptable.

I neprihvatljiva.

So I ignored them.

Tako da sam ih ignorirala.

(Cheers and applause)

(Odobravanje i pljesak)

I did get married.

Jesam se udala.

And I decided for myself not to have children.

I sama sam za sebe odlučila nemati djecu.

Nastavila sam svoju karijeru u Ujedinjenim narodima

And I continued my career with the United Nations

after my diagnosis,

nakon što mi je postavljena dijagnoza

going to work for two years in Angola,

i otišla raditi na dvije godine u Angolu,

a country recovering from 27 years of brutal civil war.

zemlju koja se oporavljala od 27-godišnjeg brutalnog građanskog rata.

However, it would be another five years

Ipak, proći će još pet godina

until I officially declared my diagnosis to my employer.

prije nego ću službeno prijaviti svoju dijagnozu poslodavcu.

Because I was afraid

Jer sam se bojala

that they would question my capacity to manage and I'd lose my job.

da će dovesti u pitanje moju radnu sposobnost i da ću izgubiti posao.

I was working in countries where polio had been common,

Radila sam u zemljama u kojima je dječja paraliza bila uobičajena

so when I overheard someone say

i, kada sam načula nekoga kako kaže

that they thought I might have survived polio,

da misli da sam ja možda preživjela dječju paralizu,

I thought my secret was safe.

pomislila sam da je moja tajna sigurna.

Nitko me nije pitao zašto šepam.

No one asked why I was limping.

So I didn't say anything.

Tako da nisam ništa rekla.

It took me over a decade

Trebalo mi je više od 10 godina

to internalize the severity of HIBM,

da se saživim s ozbiljnošću HIBM-a,

even as basic tasks and functions became increasingly difficult.

čak i kako su osnovne zadaće i funkcije postajale sve teže.

Yet, I continued to pursue my dream of working all over the world,

Ipak, nastavila sam slijediti svoj san da radim po cijelome svijetu,

and was even appointed as a disability focal point

i čak sam imenovana kao fokusna točka za invaliditet

for UNICEF in Haiti,

za UNICEF na Haitiju,

where I served for two years after the devastating 2010 earthquake.

gdje sam radila dvije godine nakon razarajućeg potresa 2010. godine.

Tada me je posao odveo u SAD.

And then my work brought me to the United States.

And even as the disease progressed significantly

Iako je bolest značajno uznapredovala

and I needed leg braces and a walker to get around,

i trebala sam proteze za noge i nekoga tko me vodi,

I still longed for adventure.

i dalje sam žudjela za avanturom.

And this time,

Ovoga puta

I started dreaming of a grand outdoor adventure.

počela sam sanjati o grandioznoj avanturi na otvorenom.

And what's more grand than the Grand Canyon?

A što je grandioznije od Grand Canyona?

Did you know that for every five million people who visit the Rim

Jeste li znali da od 5 milijuna ljudi koji posjete Litice

only one percent go down to the canyon's base?

samo jedan posto siđe dolje do dna kanjona?

I wanted to be a part of that one percent.

Željela sam biti dio tih jedan posto.

The only thing is --

Stvar je u tome --

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

The only thing is that the Grand Canyon isn't exactly accessible.

Stvar je u tome da Grand Canyon nije baš pristupačan.

I was going to need some assistance

Trebat će mi neka pomoć

to get down the 5,000-foot descent of vertical loose terrain.

da siđem niz strminu veću od 1,5 km okomitog rastresitog terena.

Now, when I face obstacles,

Sad, kad se suočavam s preprekama,

fear doesn't necessarily immediately set in

strah ne nastupa nužno odmah

because I assume that one way or another,

jer pretpostavljam da ću, na ovaj ili onaj način,

I'll figure it out.

dokučiti što napraviti.

U ovom slučaju na pameti mi je bilo,

And in this case, my thought was,

well, if I can't walk down,

pa, ako ne mogu pješke sići,

I could learn to ride a horse.

mogla bih naučiti jahati konja.

So that's what I did.

To sam i učinila.

And with that fateful decision

Tom sudbonosnom odlukom

began a four-year commitment,

započela je četverogodišnja predanost

tossing back and forth between fear and courage

bacakanja naprijed-nazad između straha i hrabrosti

to undertake a 12-day expedition.

da započnem 12-dnevnu ekspediciju.

Four days on horseback to cross Grand Canyon rim to rim,

Četiri dana na konju za prelazak Grand Canyona od litice do litice

and eight days rafting 150 miles of the Colorado River,

i osam dana raftingom preko 240 km rijeke Colorado,

all with a film crew in tow.

sve s filmskom ekipom uz sebe.

Spoiler alert -- we made it.

I otkrit ću vam odmah -- uspjeli smo.

But not without showing me how my deepest fear

Ali ne prije no što sam uvidjela kako moj najdublji strah

can somehow manifest a mirror response of equal courage.

nekako može u odrazu pokazati jednaku količinu hrabrosti.

On April 13, 2018,

13. travnja 2018.

dok sam sjedila skoro 2,5m iznad tla,

sitting eight feet above the ground,

riding a mustang horse named Sheriff,

jašući mustanga po imenu Sheriff,

moj prvi dojam o Grand Canyonu

my first impression of Grand Canyon

was one of shock and terror.

bio je šok i užas.

Who knew I had a fear of heights.

Tko bi znao da imam strah od visine.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

But there was no giving up now.

Ali, sada nije bilo odustajanja.

I mustered up every ounce of courage inside me

Skupila sam svu svoju hrabrost, svaki gram u sebi,

to not let my fear get the best of me.

da ne dopustim da me strah savlada.

Embarking on the South Rim,

Krećući se po Južnoj litici,

all I could do to keep myself composed

sve što sam mogla napraviti da se održim sabranom

was to breathe deeply, stare up into the clouds

bilo je da dišem duboko, gledam u oblake

and focus on my team's voices.

i fokusiram se na glasove svog tima.

But then, in the first hour, disaster struck.

Ali onda, tokom prvog sata puta, dogodila se katastrofa.

Unable to hold myself upright in the saddle,

Kako se nisam mogla držati uspravno u sedlu

going down an oversized step,

dok sam se spuštala prevelikom stubom

I flung forward and smacked my face on the back of the horse's head.

poletjela sam naprijed i tresnula licem o potiljak konja.

There was panic,

Nastala je panika,

my head hurt fiercely,

glava me žestoko boljela,

but the path was too narrow for us to dismount.

ali staza je bila preuska da bismo mogli sjahati.

Only at the halfway point at 2,300 feet,

Tek na pola puta, na visini od 700 m,

at least another two hours down,

nakon još barem dva sata spuštanja,

could we stop and remove my helmet

mogli smo stati, skinuti mi kacigu

and see the egg-sized bump protruding from my forehead.

i vidjeti čvorugu veliku kao jaje kako mi strši iz čela.

For all of that planning and gear,

Uz svo to planiranje i opremu,

how is it that we didn't even have an ice pack?

kako to da nam nije palo na pamet ponijeti paket leda?

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Luckily for all of us, the swelling came outwards,

Srećom po sve nas, oteklina je izišla na van

and would drain into my face as two fantastic black eyes

i izlila mi se u lice praveći dvije fantastične šljive ispod očiju,

što je očaravajući način kako da izgledate u dokumentarcu.

which is an amazing way to look in a documentary film.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

(Applause and cheers)

(Pljesak i odobravanje)

This was not an easy, peaceful journey,

Ovo nije bilo lako ni mirno putovanje,

and yet, that was exactly the point.

pa ipak, baš u tome je bila stvar.

Even though I was afraid to get back into the saddle,

Iako sam se bojala vratiti se u sedlo,

I got back in.

vratila sam se.

The descent alone to the canyon floor

Sam silazak u dno kanjona

took a total of 10 hours

trajao je ukupno 10 sati,

and that was just day one of four riding.

a to je bio tek prvi od ukupno četiri dana jahanja.

Next came the mighty rapids.

Idući su bili snažni brzaci.

The Colorado River in the Grand Canyon

Rijeka Colorado u Grand Canyonu

has some of the highest white water in the country.

ima neke od najvećih brzaka u zemlji.

And just to be prepared in case we should capsize,

I kako bismo bili spremni u slučaju prevrtanja,

we'd practice having me swim through a smaller rapid.

vježbali smo tako što sam plivala kroz manji brzak.

And it's safe to say it wasn't glamorous.

Sa sigurnošću mogu reći da nije bilo baš glamurozno.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

I took my breath in the wrong part of the wave,

Udahnula sam u pogrešnom trenutku vala,

choked on river water

zagrcnula se vodom

and was unable to steer myself.

i nisam bila u stanju sobom upravljati.

Yes, it was scary,

Da, bilo je zastrašujuće,

but it was also fantastic.

ali isto tako bilo je fantastično.

Waterfalls, slick canyons

Vodopadi, skliski kanjoni

i stijene stare par milijardi godina

and a couple billion years of bedrock

that seemed to change color throughout the day.

koje su, činilo se, mijenjale boju kako je dan prolazio.

The Grand Canyon is true wilderness

Grand Canyon je istinska divljina

and worthy of all of its accolades.

i vrijedi svega onoga što se o njemu govori.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

The expedition,

Ekspedicija,

all that planning and the trip itself,

svo to planiranje, kao i samo putovanje,

showed me a level of fear I had never experienced before.

pokazali su mi razinu straha koju nikada ranije nisam iskusila.

But more importantly,

Ali, što je još važnije,

it showed me how boldly courageous I can be.

pokazali su mi koliko nevjerojatno hrabra mogu biti.

My Grand Canyon journey was not easy.

Moje putovanje kroz Grand Canyon nije bilo lako.

This was not a vision of an Amazonian woman

Nije to bio prizor jedne Amazonke

effortlessly making her way through epic scenery.

koja se bez napora probija kroz epske krajolike.

This was me crying,

To sam bila ja - plačna,

exhausted and beat up with two black eyes.

iznurena i prebijena s dvije šljive ispod očiju.

It was scary,

Bilo je zastrašujuće,

it was stressful,

bilo je stresno,

it was exhilarating.

bilo je nevjerojatno uzbudljivo.

Sada kada je to putovanje završilo

Now that the trip is over,

it's easy to be blasé about what we achieved.

lako je opušteno govoriti o tome što smo postigli.

I know I want to raft the river again.

Znam da opet želim ići na rafting tom rijekom.

This time, all 277 miles of it.

Ovog puta kroz svih njezinih 450 km.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

But I also know that I would never do the horseback-riding part again.

Ali, isto tako znam da nikada ne bih ponovo prošla onaj dio na konju.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

It's just too dangerous.

Jednostavno je previše opasno.

And that's my real point.

I to je ono što u stvari želim reći.

I'm not just here to show you my film footage.

Nisam ovdje samo da vam pokažem snimke.

I'm here to remind us all

Ovdje sam da sve nas podsjetim

that life is really just a lesson

da je život zaista samo lekcija

in finding the balance between fear and courage.

o tome kako da pronađemo ravnotežu između straha i hrabrosti.

And understanding what is and what isn't a good idea.

I da razumijemo što jest, a što baš i nije dobra ideja.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Life is already scary,

Život je već sam po sebi strašan,

so for our dreams to come true, we need to be brave.

i da bismo ostvarili svoje snove trebamo biti hrabri.

In facing my fears

U suočavanju sa svojim strahovima

and finding the courage to push through them,

i pronalaženju hrabrosti da se kroz njih probijem,

I swear my life has been extraordinary.

kunem se, moj je život bio izuzetan.

Prema tome, živite punim plućima

So live big

and try to let your courage outweigh your fear.

i pokušajte da vaša hrabrost nadvlada vaš strah.

You never know where it might take you.

Nikad ne znate gdje vas to može odvesti.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause and cheers)

(Pljesak i odobravanje)