Cara E. Yar Khan: The beautiful balance between courage and fear | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

When we're young, we're innocently brave,

我們年輕時勇敢得很天真，

and we fearlessly dream about what our lives might be like.

會無懼地夢想可以過著怎樣的生活。

Maybe you wanted to be an astronaut or a rocket scientist.

也許你想要當太空人或火箭科學家。

Maybe you dreamed of traveling to every continent.

也許你夢想到各大洲旅行。

Since I was very young,

我從小時候開始，

I dreamed of working for the United Nations

就夢想為聯合國工作，

in some of the most difficult countries in the world.

到世界上一些最艱困的國家去。

And thanks to a lot of courage

因為大量的勇氣，

that dream came true.

這個夢想成真了。

But here's the thing about courage:

但，關於勇氣，有一個重點：

it doesn't just appear whenever we need it.

它並不是在我們需要它時就會出現。

It's the result of tough reflection and real work,

它是認真反思和付出努力的結果，

involving the balance between fear and bravery.

和恐懼與勇敢之間的平衡有關。

Without fear, we'll do foolish things.

若沒有恐懼，我們會做出蠢事。

And without courage, we'll never step into the unknown.

若沒有勇氣，我們永遠 不會踏入未知領域。

The balance of the two is where the magic lies,

兩者之間的平衡就是魔法的所在，

and it's a balance we all deal with every day.

那也是我們每天 都必須要處理的平衡。

First, a word about my fancy wheels.

首先，先談聊聊我這酷炫的輪子。

I haven't always used a wheelchair.

我並不是一直都需要坐輪椅的。

I grew up like many of you,

我的成長過程和多數人一樣， 會跑、會跳、會跳舞。

running, jumping and dancing.

I love to dance.

我愛跳舞。

However, in my mid-twenties,

然而，大約二十五歲時，

I began to experience a series of inexplicable falls.

我開始會不斷地無故摔跤。

And a few years later,

幾年後，

I was diagnosed with a recessive genetic condition

我被診斷出一種隱性的基因疾病，

called hereditary inclusion body myopathy,

叫做遺傳性包涵體肌病，

or HIBM.

簡稱 HIBM。

It's a progressive muscle wasting disease

它是一種漸進性肌肉萎縮疾病，

that affects all of my muscles from head to toe.

會影響我從頭到腳所有的肌肉。

HIBM is very rare.

HIBM 非常罕見。

In the United States there are less than 200 people diagnosed.

在美國，被診斷出 這種疾病的人不到兩百人。

To date, there is no proved treatment or cure,

至今，仍然沒有 證明有效的治療方式，

and within 10 to 15 years of its onset,

且，通常，在 HIBM 出現後的十到十五年內

HIBM typically leads to quadriplegia,

就會導致四肢癱瘓，

which is why I now use a wheelchair.

這就是我現在需要輪椅的原因。

When I was first diagnosed, everything changed.

我剛被診斷出來時， 一切都改變了。

It was frightening news

那是很駭人的消息，

because I had no experience with chronic illness or disabilities.

因為我沒有任何 慢性疾病或殘障的經歷。

And I had no idea how the disease might progress.

我完全不知道 這種疾病會怎麼發展。

But what was most disheartening

但，最讓人沮喪的，

was to listen to other people advise me

是聽到其他人建議我

to limit my ambitions and dreams,

不要有那麼大的野心和夢想，

and to change my expectations of what to expect from life.

並要我調整對於人生的期許。

"You should quit your international career."

「你應該要辭掉你的國際職涯。」

"No one will marry you this way."

「你這樣是嫁不出去的。」

"You would be selfish to have children."

「你如果生孩子就太自私了。」

The fact that someone who wasn't me

別人把限制

was putting limitations on my dreams and ambitions

加在我的夢想和野心上，

was preposterous.

這實在很荒謬。

And unacceptable.

且我無法接受。

So I ignored them.

所以我沒有理他們。

(Cheers and applause)

（歡呼和掌聲）

I did get married.

我確實結婚了。

And I decided for myself not to have children.

我自己決定不要生孩子。

And I continued my career with the United Nations

在我被診斷出來之後， 我仍繼續在聯合國的職涯，

after my diagnosis,

going to work for two years in Angola,

有兩年在安哥拉工作，

a country recovering from 27 years of brutal civil war.

這個國家正在從二十七年的 殘酷內戰中恢復。

However, it would be another five years

然而，又再過了五年之後，

until I officially declared my diagnosis to my employer.

我才正式向我的僱主 宣佈我的診斷。

Because I was afraid

因為我很害怕他們會質疑 我繼續工作的能力，

that they would question my capacity to manage and I'd lose my job.

而我就會失去工作。

I was working in countries where polio had been common,

在我工作所去的國家裡， 小兒麻痺症很常見，

so when I overheard someone say

所以，當我聽到有人說

that they thought I might have survived polio,

他們認為我可能是 小兒麻痺症的倖存者，

I thought my secret was safe.

我以為我的秘密很安全。

No one asked why I was limping.

沒有人問我為什麼跛腳。

So I didn't say anything.

所以我也什麼都沒說。

It took me over a decade

我花了十年的時間， 才把 HIBM 的嚴重性給內化，

to internalize the severity of HIBM,

even as basic tasks and functions became increasingly difficult.

即使在這過程中，基本的工作 和功能都變得越來越困難。

Yet, I continued to pursue my dream of working all over the world,

但，我持繼追逐 在世界各地工作的夢想，

and was even appointed as a disability focal point

我甚至被指派為海地 聯合國兒童基金會的殘障大使，

for UNICEF in Haiti,

where I served for two years after the devastating 2010 earthquake.

在 2010 年嚴重的地震之後， 我在那裡服務了兩年。

And then my work brought me to the United States.

接著，我的工作帶我來到美國。

And even as the disease progressed significantly

即使疾病的進展十分顯著，

and I needed leg braces and a walker to get around,

我需要用腿支架 和助行器才能四處行走，

I still longed for adventure.

我仍然渴望冒險。

And this time,

這次，

I started dreaming of a grand outdoor adventure.

我開始夢想要來一場 宏大的戶外冒險。

And what's more grand than the Grand Canyon?

有什麼比大峽谷更宏大呢？

Did you know that for every five million people who visit the Rim

你們可知道嗎，每五百萬名 造訪過大峽谷邊緣的人當中

only one percent go down to the canyon's base?

只有 1% 曾經下到峽谷的底部？

I wanted to be a part of that one percent.

我想要成為那 1% 的一員。

The only thing is --

只是——

(Applause)

（掌聲）

The only thing is that the Grand Canyon isn't exactly accessible.

只是，大峽谷並不容易進入。

I was going to need some assistance

我會需要一些協助，

to get down the 5,000-foot descent of vertical loose terrain.

才能從垂直的不規則地形 向下走五千英呎。

Now, when I face obstacles,

當我面對阻礙時，

fear doesn't necessarily immediately set in

恐懼不見得馬上會出現，

because I assume that one way or another,

因為我的假設是，不論如何，

I'll figure it out.

我總會想出辦法。

And in this case, my thought was,

在這個例子中，我的想法是，

well, if I can't walk down,

如果我不能走下去，

I could learn to ride a horse.

我可以學騎馬。

So that's what I did.

所以我就這麼做了。

And with that fateful decision

這個命運的決定

began a four-year commitment,

讓我開始了四年的投入，

tossing back and forth between fear and courage

在恐懼和勇氣之間來來回回，

to undertake a 12-day expedition.

就為了進行十二天的遠征。

Four days on horseback to cross Grand Canyon rim to rim,

從大峽谷的一緣到另一緣， 騎馬要花四天的時間，

and eight days rafting 150 miles of the Colorado River,

乘筏在科羅拉多河上划行 一百五十英里，要花八天的時間，

all with a film crew in tow.

一路有個拍攝小組跟著我。

Spoiler alert -- we made it.

爆雷警告——我們成功了。

But not without showing me how my deepest fear

但過程中我也了解到我最深的恐懼

can somehow manifest a mirror response of equal courage.

如何能以某種方式 帶出同等強大的相映勇氣。

On April 13, 2018,

2018 年四月十三日，

sitting eight feet above the ground,

坐在離地面八英呎的地方， 騎著一匹叫做「警長」的野馬，

riding a mustang horse named Sheriff,

my first impression of Grand Canyon

我對大峽谷的第一印象

was one of shock and terror.

是一種帶著震驚和恐怖的印象。

Who knew I had a fear of heights.

誰會知道我竟然怕高。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But there was no giving up now.

但這時已經不能放棄了。

I mustered up every ounce of courage inside me

我把體內的每一分勇氣都擠出來，

to not let my fear get the best of me.

不要讓我的恐懼擊敗我。

Embarking on the South Rim,

從南緣開始，

all I could do to keep myself composed

要維持沉著，我唯一能做的

was to breathe deeply, stare up into the clouds

就是深呼吸，把視線向上盯著雲，

and focus on my team's voices.

專注在團隊隊友的聲音。

But then, in the first hour, disaster struck.

但，在第一個小時，災難發生了。

Unable to hold myself upright in the saddle,

我無法在馬鞍上保持直立，

going down an oversized step,

從非常高的地方下去時，

I flung forward and smacked my face on the back of the horse's head.

我向前撲倒，我的臉 撞上馬頭的後側。

There was panic,

我慌了，

my head hurt fiercely,

我的頭非常痛，

but the path was too narrow for us to dismount.

但路徑太狹窄，我們無法下馬。

Only at the halfway point at 2,300 feet,

一直要到中途兩千三百英呎處，

at least another two hours down,

也就是至少再向下走兩小時，

could we stop and remove my helmet

我們才能停下來，御下我的頭盔，

and see the egg-sized bump protruding from my forehead.

看到我額頭上冒出一個 和雞蛋一樣大的腫塊。

For all of that planning and gear,

我們有這麼多計畫，這麼多裝備， 為什麼我們卻沒有帶冰塊？

how is it that we didn't even have an ice pack?

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Luckily for all of us, the swelling came outwards,

我們都很幸運，腫脹是向外的，

and would drain into my face as two fantastic black eyes

以兩個黑眼圈的方式 呈現在我的臉上，

which is an amazing way to look in a documentary film.

放在紀錄片中， 看起來還挺有特色的。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause and cheers)

（掌聲及歡呼）

This was not an easy, peaceful journey,

這段旅程並不輕鬆、平靜，

and yet, that was exactly the point.

但，那正是重點所在。

Even though I was afraid to get back into the saddle,

雖然我害怕再回到馬鞍上，

I got back in.

我還是上去了。

The descent alone to the canyon floor

光是要下到峽谷的底部，

took a total of 10 hours

總共就花了十小時，

and that was just day one of four riding.

且那只是四天乘騎的第一天。

Next came the mighty rapids.

下一關是強大的急流。

The Colorado River in the Grand Canyon

大峽谷的科羅拉多河

has some of the highest white water in the country.

有著全國最急的湍流。

And just to be prepared in case we should capsize,

為了萬一翻覆做好準備，

we'd practice having me swim through a smaller rapid.

我們做過練習， 讓我游過小型湍流。

And it's safe to say it wasn't glamorous.

可以說，這場面不很迷人。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I took my breath in the wrong part of the wave,

我在波浪中換氣時選錯了時機，

choked on river water

嗆到了河水，

and was unable to steer myself.

無法控制我自己的行進方向。

Yes, it was scary,

是的，那很可怕，

but it was also fantastic.

但也很棒。

Waterfalls, slick canyons

瀑布、光滑的峽谷，

and a couple billion years of bedrock

還有幾十億年的岩床，

that seemed to change color throughout the day.

在一天當中似乎會改變顏色。

The Grand Canyon is true wilderness

大峽谷是真正的野外，

and worthy of all of its accolades.

對它的每一分盛讚都名符其實。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

The expedition,

這趟遠征，

all that planning and the trip itself,

所有的計畫和旅程本身，

showed me a level of fear I had never experienced before.

讓我見識到未曾經歷過的恐懼程度。

But more importantly,

但，更重要的是，

it showed me how boldly courageous I can be.

它也讓我看到，我能夠多麼勇敢。

My Grand Canyon journey was not easy.

我的大峽谷旅程並不輕鬆。

This was not a vision of an Amazonian woman

當時的景象並不是亞馬遜族女戰士

effortlessly making her way through epic scenery.

毫不費力地一路穿越 史詩般的風景。

This was me crying,

而是我在哭泣、

exhausted and beat up with two black eyes.

筋疲力盡，還帶著兩個黑眼圈。

It was scary,

這段經歷很可怕，壓力很大，

it was stressful,

it was exhilarating.

很讓人振奮。

Now that the trip is over,

現在，在旅程結束後，很容易 就能平靜地訴說我們的成就。

it's easy to be blasé about what we achieved.

I know I want to raft the river again.

我知道我想要再次乘筏渡河。

This time, all 277 miles of it.

這次，要完成全程 277 英里。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

But I also know that I would never do the horseback-riding part again.

但我也知道我永遠不會 再做騎馬的那部分了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It's just too dangerous.

那太危險了。

And that's my real point.

那就是我的重點。

I'm not just here to show you my film footage.

我不只是來這裡 給大家看我的影片。

I'm here to remind us all

我來這裡是要提醒大家，

that life is really just a lesson

人生其實只是關於

in finding the balance between fear and courage.

在恐懼與勇氣間找到平衡的一課。

And understanding what is and what isn't a good idea.

還有了解什麼是或不是個好主意。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Life is already scary,

人生已經很嚇人了。

so for our dreams to come true, we need to be brave.

所以，若要實現我們的夢想， 我們必須要勇敢。

In facing my fears

在面對我的恐懼

and finding the courage to push through them,

及找到勇氣將恐懼推開的過程中，

I swear my life has been extraordinary.

我發誓，我的人生變得十分不凡。

So live big

所以，大膽去活，

and try to let your courage outweigh your fear.

試著讓你的勇氣超越你的恐懼。

You never know where it might take you.

你永遠不會知道它會帶你到哪裡。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause and cheers)

（掌聲及歡呼）