Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: We should all be feminists | TED

Prevodilac: Sonja Rajkovic Lektor: Ivana Krivokuća

So I would like to start by telling you about one of my greatest friends,

Želela bih da počnem pričom o jednom od mojih najboljih prijatelja,

Okoloma Maduewesi.

Okolomi Maduevesi.

Okoloma lived on my street

Okoloma je živeo u mojoj ulici

and looked after me like a big brother.

i brinuo se o meni kao stariji brat.

If I liked a boy, I would ask Okoloma's opinion.

Ako mi se svidjao neki dečak, pitala bih Okolomu za mišljenje.

Okoloma died in the notorious Sosoliso plane crash

Okoloma je poginuo u čuvenoj avionskoj nesreći Sosolisa

in Nigeria in December of 2005.

u Nigeriji decembra 2005. godine.

Almost exactly seven years ago.

Pre skoro tačno sedam godina.

Okoloma was a person I could argue with, laugh with and truly talk to.

Okoloma je bio osoba sa kojom sam mogla da se svađam, smejem i zaista razgovaram.

He was also the first person to call me a feminist.

On je bio i prva osoba koja me je nazvala feministkinjom.

I was about fourteen, we were at his house, arguing.

Imala sam oko 14 godina, bili smo u njegovoj kući i svađali se.

Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge

Oboje puni poluznanja iz knjiga koje smo čitali.

from books that we had read.

I don't remember what this particular argument was about,

Ne sećam se o čemu je ova rasprava bila,

ali se sećam da me je, dok sam se svađala i svađala,

but I remember that as I argued and argued,

Okoloma looked at me and said, "You know, you're a feminist."

Okoloma pogledao i rekao mi: „Znaš, ti si feministkinja.“

It was not a compliment.

To nije bio kompliment.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Mogla sam da zaključim po njegovom tonu,

I could tell from his tone,

the same tone that you would use to say something like,

istom onom tonu koji biste koristili da kažete:

"You're a supporter of terrorism."

„Ti podržavaš terorizam.“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I did not know exactly what this word "feminist" meant,

Nisam tačno znala šta znači reč „feministkinja“,

and I did not want Okoloma to know that I did not know.

a nisam htela da Okoloma zna da ne znam.

So I brushed it aside, and I continued to argue.

Zanemarila sam to i nastavila da se svađam.

Prvo što sam planirala da uradim kad dođem kući

And the first thing I planned to do when I got home

was to look up the word "feminist" in the dictionary.

bilo je da potražim reč „feministkinja“ u rečniku.

Now fast forward to some years later,

Nekoliko godina kasnije,

I wrote a novel about a man who among other things beats his wife

napisala sam roman o čoveku koji, između ostalog, bije svoju ženu

and whose story doesn't end very well.

i čija priča se ne završava dobro.

While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria,

Dok sam promovisala roman u Nigeriji,

a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man,

jedan novinar, fini čovek sa dobrim namerama,

told me he wanted to advise me.

rekao mi je da želi da me posavetuje.

And for the Nigerians here,

Ko je Nigerijac ovde, sigurna sam da zna

I'm sure we're all familiar

with how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice.

koliko su ljudi rado spremni da daju savete koje im niko ne traži.

He told me that people were saying that my novel was feminist

Rekao mi je kako ljudi pričaju da je moj roman feministički

and his advice to me --

i njegov savet meni - a klimao je glavom tužno dok je pričao -

and he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke --

was that I should never call myself a feminist

bio je da ne treba da nazivam sebe feministkinjom

because feminists are women who are unhappy

zato što su to žene koje su nesrećne

because they cannot find husbands.

jer ne mogu da nađu muža.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

So I decided to call myself "a happy feminist."

Tako da sam rešila da nazovem sebe „srećnom feministkinjom“.

Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me

Potom mi je jedna školovana Nigerijka rekla da feminizam nije u našoj kulturi,

that feminism was not our culture

and that feminism wasn't African,

da feminizam nije afrički,

and that I was calling myself a feminist

i da ja nazivam sebe feministkinjom

because I had been corrupted by "Western books."

zato što su me zavele „zapadnjačke knjige“.

Which amused me,

Što me je zabavljalo,

zato što su mnoge od mojih prvih knjiga bile izričito nefeminističke.

because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist.

I think I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published

Mislim da sam pročitala sve romane izdanja Mils i Bun koji su izdati

before I was sixteen.

pre nego što sam napunila 16 godina.

And each time I tried to read those books

Svaki put kada sam pokušala da pročitam knjige

called "the feminist classics,"

koje nazivaju „feminističkim klasicima“,

I'd get bored, and I really struggled to finish them.

bilo mi je dosadno, i mučila bih se da ih dovršim.

But anyway, since feminism was un-African,

U svakom slučaju, pošto feminizam nije bio afrički,

I decided that I would now call myself "a happy African feminist."

rešila sam da se sada nazivam „srećnom afričkom feministkinjom“.

At some point I was a happy African feminist who does not hate men

U nekom trenutku, bila sam srećna afrička feministkinja

koja ne mrzi muškarce, koja voli sjaj za usne

and who likes lip gloss

and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.

i koja nosi štikle zbog sebe, a ne zbog muškaraca.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek,

Naravno, sve ovo je bilo šaljivo,

but that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage.

ali ta reč feministkinja ide sa toliko tereta, negativnog tereta.

You hate men, you hate bras,

Mrziš muškarce, mrziš bruseve,

you hate African culture, that sort of thing.

mrziš afričku kulturu, i slično tome.

Now here's a story from my childhood.

A evo moje priče iz detinjstva.

When I was in primary school,

Kada sam bila u osnovnoj školi,

my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test

moja nastavnica je na početku polugodišta rekla da će dati test razredu

and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor.

i onaj ko bude imao najbolji rezultat biće kontrolor razreda.

Now, class monitor was a big deal.

A biti kontrolor razreda je bila velika stvar.

Kada si kontrolor razreda,

If you were a class monitor,

you got to write down the names of noisemakers --

treba da zapisuješ imena onih koji prave nered -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

which was having enough power of its own.

što je imalo svojih čari.

But my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand

Ali nastavnica bi ti takođe dala da držiš štap u ruci

while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers.

dok se šetaš okolo i nadgledaš one koji prave nered u razredu.

Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane.

Naravno, nije bilo dozvoljeno koristiti štap.

But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me.

Ali to je bio uzbudljiva prilika za mene sa devet godina.

I very much wanted to be the class monitor.

Veoma sam želela da budem kontrolor razreda

And I got the highest score on the test.

i dobila sam najbolji rezultat na testu.

Then, to my surprise, my teacher said that the monitor had to be a boy.

Tada je, na moje iznenađenje, nastavnica rekla da kontrolor mora da bude dečak.

She had forgotten to make that clear earlier

Zaboravila je da to razjasni ranije

jer je pretpostavila da je to očigledno.

because she assumed it was ... obvious.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

A boy had the second highest score on the test,

Drugi najbolji rezultat na testu je imao dečak,

and he would be monitor.

i on bi bio kontrolor.

Now, what was even more interesting about this

Ono što je bilo još interesantnije je da je dečak bio nežna duša

is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul

who had no interest in patrolling the class with the cane,

i nije bio zainteresovan da nadgleda razred sa štapom,

while I was full of ambition to do so.

dok sam ja bila puna ambicije da to radim.

But I was female and he was male,

Ali bila sam žensko, a on je bio muško, pa je postao kontrolor razreda.

and so he became the class monitor.

And I've never forgotten that incident.

Nikad nisam zaboravila ovu situaciju.

I often make the mistake of thinking

Često grešim kada mislim

that something that is obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else.

da je nešto što je očigledno meni isto tako očigledno i drugima.

Now, take my dear friend Louis

Uzmimo za primer mog dobrog prijatelja Luija.

for example.

Louis is a brilliant, progressive man,

Lui je sjajan čovek naprednih shvatanja,

and we would have conversations and he would tell me,

a kada bismo razgovorali, rekao bi mi:

"I don't know what you mean by things being different or harder for women.

„Ne znam šta tačno misliš kada kažeš da je drugačije ili teže ženama.

Maybe in the past, but not now."

Možda u prošlosti, ali ne sada.“

And I didn't understand how Louis could not see what seems so self-evident.

Nisam razumela kako Lui ne vidi ono što je tako očigledno.

Then one evening, in Lagos, Louis and I went out with friends.

Onda smo jedne večeri, u Lagosu, Lui i ja izašli sa prijateljima.

And for people here who are not familiar with Lagos,

Za ljude koji ne znaju puno o Lagosu,

there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture,

postoji ta divna karakteristika Lagosa,

the sprinkling of energetic men who hang around outside establishments

razbacani ljudi punih energije koji bleje izvan ustanova

and very dramatically "help" you park your car.

i na veoma dramatičan način vam pomažu da parkirate kola.

I was impressed with the particular theatrics

Bila sam impresionirana naročitim teatralnim nastupom

of the man who found us a parking spot that evening.

čoveka koji nam je našao mesto za parkiranje te večeri.

And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip.

Tako da, kad smo izlazili, odlučila sam da mu dam bakšiš.

I opened my bag,

Otvorila sam torbu, gurnula ruku,

put my hand inside my bag,

brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work,

izvukla novac koji sam zaradila radeći moj posao,

and I gave it to the man.

i dala ga tom čoveku.

And he, this man who was very grateful and very happy,

A on, ovaj čovek koji je bio veoma zahvalan i srećan,

took the money from me,

uzeo je novac od mene,

looked across at Louis

pogledao je u Luija

and said, "Thank you, sir!"

i rekao: „Hvala, gospodine!“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Louis looked at me, surprised,

Lui me je pogledao iznenađeno i upitao me:

and asked, "Why is he thanking me? I didn't give him the money."

„Zašto se meni zahvaljuje? Ja mu nisam dao novac.“

Then I saw realization dawn on Louis' face.

Tada je Lui počeo da shvata.

The man believed that whatever money I had

Čovek je mislio da je novac koji sam imala ipak došao od Luija.

had ultimately come from Louis.

Because Louis is a man.

Zato što je Lui muškarac.

Men and women are different.

Muškarci i žene su različiti.

We have different hormones, we have different sexual organs,

Imamo drugačije hormone, imamo drugačije seksualne organe,

we have different biological abilities.

imamo drugačije biološke sposobnosti.

Women can have babies, men can't.

Žene mogu da rode decu, muškarci ne.

At least not yet.

Bar ne još uvek.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Men have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women.

Muškarci imaju testosteron i uopšte su fizički jači od žena.

There's slightly more women than men in the world,

Postoji malo više žena nego muškaraca na svetu,

about 52 percent of the world's population is female.

oko 52% svetske populacije su žene.

But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men.

Ali muškarci zauzimaju većinu pozicija moći i statusa.

The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate,

Pokojna kenijska dobitnica Nobelove nagrade za mir,

Wangari Maathai,

Vangari Matai,

put it simply and well when she said:

je to jednostavno opisala kada je rekla:

"The higher you go, the fewer women there are."

„Kako se penješ ka vrhu, tamo je sve manje žena.“

In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law,

U skorašnjim američkim izborima, sve vreme smo slušali o zakonu Lili Ledbeter,

and if we go beyond the nicely alliterative name of that law,

i ako zanemarimo lepo, zvučno ime ovog zakona,

it was really about a man and a woman

tu se zapravo radilo o muškarcu i ženi

doing the same job, being equally qualified,

koji rade isti posao, isto su kvalifikovani,

and the man being paid more because he's a man.

a muškarac je plaćen više, zato što je muškarac.

So in the literal way, men rule the world,

Tako da, u bukvalnom smislu, muškarci vladaju svetom,

and this made sense a thousand years ago

i ovo je imalo smisla pre hiljadu godina

because human beings lived then in a world

jer su ljudska bića tada živela u svetu

in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival.

u kome je fizička snaga bila najvažnija karakteristika za opstanak.

The physically stronger person was more likely to lead,

Veći izgledi su bili da će fizički jača osoba da bude vođa,

and men, in general, are physically stronger.

a generalno gledano, muškarci su fizički jači.

Of course there are many exceptions.

Naravno, ima dosta izuzetaka.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

But today we live in a vastly different world.

Ali danas živimo u potpuno drugačijem svetu.

The person more likely to lead is not the physically stronger person;

Veći su izgledi da vođa bude ne fizički jača,

it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person,

već kreativnija, inteligentnija, inovativnija osoba,

the more innovative person,

and there are no hormones for those attributes.

a ne postoje hormoni za te osobine.

A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent,

Muškarac može biti inteligentan, kreativan i inovativan kao i žena.

to be creative, to be innovative.

We have evolved;

Evoluirali smo,

but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.

ali mi se čini da naše ideje o polu nisu.

Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby of one of the best Nigerian hotels.

Pre nekoliko nedelja, ušetala sam u foaje jednog od najboljih nigerijskih hotela.

Razmišljala sam da kažem ime hotela, ali shvatila sam da ne treba to da uradim.

I thought about naming the hotel, but I thought I probably shouldn't.

And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions,

Stražar na vratima me je zaustavio i postavljao mi neprijatna pitanja,

because their automatic assumption is

zato što automatski pretpostavljaju

that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker.

da je Nigerijka koja ulazi u hotel sama seksualna radnica.

And by the way,

A uzgred, zašto se ovi hoteli usredsređuju na navodnu ponudu,

why do these hotels focus on the ostensible supply

rather than the demand for sex workers?

a ne na potražnju za seksualnim radnicama?

In Lagos I cannot go alone into many "reputable" bars and clubs.

U Lagosu, ja ne mogu da idem sama u mnoge „ugledne“ barove i klubove.

They just don't let you in if you're a woman alone,

Jednostavno te ne puštaju ako si žena i sama,

moraš da budeš u pratnji muškarca.

you have to be accompanied by a man.

Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man,

Svaki put kada uđem u nigerijski restoran sa nekim muškarcem,

the waiter greets the man and ignores me.

konobar pozdravi njega i ignoriše mene.

The waiters are products --

Konobari su proizvod -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

At this some women felt like, "Yes! I thought that!"

Na ovo su neke žene pomislile: „Da! To sam mislila!“

The waiters are products of a society

Konobari su proizvod društva koje ih uči da su muškarci važniji od žena.

that has taught them that men are more important than women.

And I know that waiters don't intend any harm.

Znam da konobari nemaju lošu nameru,

But it's one thing to know intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally.

ali jedno je znati to intelektualno, a sasvim drugo osećati emocionalno.

Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible.

Svaki put kada me ignorišu, osećam se nevidljivo,

I feel upset.

osećam se uzrujano.

I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man,

Želim da im kažem da sam ja isto toliko ljudsko biće kao i muškarac,

that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment.

da sam isto toliko vredna priznanja.

These are little things,

Ovo su male stvari, ali ponekad male stvari bole najviše.

but sometimes it's the little things that sting the most.

And not long ago, I wrote an article

Ne tako davno, napisala sam članak o tome šta znači biti mlada žena u Lagosu,

about what it means to be young and female in Lagos,

and the printers told me,

i jedan poznanik mi je rekao: „Toliko je ljutito.“

"It was so angry."

Of course it was angry!

Naravno da je ljutito.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I am angry.

Ja jesam ljuta.

Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice.

Pol ovako kako funkcioniše danas je ozbiljna nepravda.

We should all be angry.

Svi bismo trebali da budemo ljuti.

Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change;

Ljutnja ima dugu istoriju donošenja pozitivnih promena;

but, in addition to being angry, I'm also hopeful.

ali, pored toga što sam ljuta, takođe imam i nadu.

Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings

Zato što duboko verujem u sposobnost ljudskih bića

to make and remake themselves for the better.

da učine sebe boljim i poprave sebe nabolje.

Gender matters everywhere in the world,

Pol je važan svuda u svetu,

but I want to focus on Nigeria

ali želim da se usredsredim na Nigeriju i Afriku uopšteno,

and on Africa in general,

because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is.

zato što je to ono što poznajem, i ono gde je moje srce.

And I would like today to ask

Želim da zatražim danas da počnemo da sanjamo

that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world,

i planiramo drugačiji svet, pravedniji svet,

a fairer world,

a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.

svet srećnijih muškaraca i srećnijih žena koji će više biti ono što zapravo jesu.

And this is how to start:

A počećemo ovako:

we must raise our daughters differently.

Moramo da vaspitavamo svoje ćerke drugačije.

We must also raise our sons differently.

Moramo da vaspitavamo i svoje sinove drugačije.

We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them;

Činimo lošu uslugu dečacima načinom na koji ih vaspitavamo;

we stifle the humanity of boys.

gušimo humanost dečaka.

We define masculinity in a very narrow way,

Definišemo muškost na skučen način.

masculinity becomes this hard, small cage

Muškost postaje jedan čvrst, mali kavez, i stavljamo dečake unutar tog kaveza.

and we put boys inside the cage.

We teach boys to be afraid of fear.

Učimo dečake da se plaše straha.

We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability.

Učimo dečake da se plaše slabosti, ranjivosti.

We teach them to mask their true selves,

Učimo ih da maskiraju svoju pravu prirodu,

because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, "hard man!"

zato što moraju da budu, nigerijski rečeno, „jaki muškarci“.

In secondary school, a boy and a girl, both of them teenagers,

U srednjoj školi, dečak i devojčica, oboje tinejdžeri, sa istim džeparcem,

both of them with the same amount of pocket money, would go out

and then the boy would be expected always to pay,

izašli bi i uvek bi se od dečaka očekivalo da plati,

to prove his masculinity.

da dokaže svoju muškost.

And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.

A onda se pitamo zašto će dečaci pre da ukradu novac od roditelja.

What if both boys and girls were raised

Šta ako bi i dečaci i devojčice

bili vaspitani tako da ne povezuju muškost sa novcem?

not to link masculinity with money?

What if the attitude was not "the boy has to pay"

Šta ako stav ne bi bio „dečak mora da plati“

but rather "whoever has more should pay?"

već „ko god ima više novca treba da plati?“

Now, of course because of that historical advantage,

Naravno, zbog te istorijske prednosti,

it is mostly men who will have more today,

danas će pre muškarci i imati više,

but if we start raising children differently,

ali ako počnemo da vaspitavamo decu drugačije,

then in fifty years, in a hundred years,

onda za pedeset, sto godina,

boys will no longer have the pressure of having to prove this masculinity.

dečaci više neće imati taj pritisak da moraju da dokažu muškost na taj način.

But by far the worst thing we do to males,

Ali ubedljivo najgora stvar koju učinimo muškarcima,

by making them feel that they have to be hard,

primoravajući ih da osećaju da moraju da budu jaki,

is that we leave them with very fragile egos.

je to da ih ostavimo sa veoma slabim egom.

The more "hard man" the man feels compelled to be,

Što više muškarac oseća da mora da bude „jak muškarac“,

the weaker his ego is.

njegov ego postaje slabiji.

And then we do a much greater disservice to girls

A onda činimo još goru uslugu devojčicama

because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men.

jer ih vaspitavamo da udovoljavaju slabom egu muškarca.

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller,

Učimo devojčice da se ustežu, da umanjuju sebe.

we say to girls,

Kažemo devojčicama: „Možeš da imaš ambicije, ali ne previše.“

"You can have ambition, but not too much."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

„Treba da težiš tome da budeš uspešna, ali ne previše uspešna,

"You should aim to be successful, but not too successful,

otherwise you would threaten the man."

u suprotnom, bićeš pretnja muškarcu.“

If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man,

Ako ti donosiš novac u vezi sa muškarcem,

you have to pretend that you're not,

treba da se pretvaraš da nije tako,

especially in public,

posebno u javnosti,

otherwise you will emasculate him.

u suprotnom, oduzećeš mu muškost.

But what if we question the premise itself?

Ali, šta ako preispitamo samu tu pretpostavku?

Why should a woman's success be a threat to a man?

Zašto bi uspeh žene bio pretnja muškarcu?

What if we decide to simply dispose of that word,

Šta ako odlučimo da jednostavno odbacimo taj izraz,

and I don't think there's an English word I dislike more than "emasculation."

a mislim da ne postoji izraz koji više mrzim od „oduzimanja muškosti“.

A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me

Jedan nigerijski poznanik me je jednom pitao da li sam zabrinuta

if I was worried that men would be intimidated by me.

da bi muškarci mogli da me se plaše.

I was not worried at all.

Nisam uopšte bila zabrinuta.

Tačnije, nije mi padalo na pamet da budem zabrinuta

In fact, it had not occurred to me to be worried

because a man who would be intimidated by me

zato što muškarac koji bi mogao da me se plaši

is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.

je upravo onaj muškarac za kog ja nisam zainteresovana.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

But still I was really struck by this.

Ipak, bila sam zatečena ovim.

Because I'm female, I'm expected to aspire to marriage;

Zato što sam žensko, od mene se očekuje da težim braku.

I'm expected to make my life choices

Očekuje se da donosim svoje životne odluke

always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important.

uvek imajući u vidu da je brak najvažniji.

A marriage can be a good thing;

Brak može biti dobra stvar;

it can be a source of joy and love and mutual support.

on može biti izvor radosti, ljubavi i uzajamne podrške.

But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage

Ali zašto učimo devojčice da teže braku,

and we don't teach boys the same?

a ne učimo dečake to isto?

I know a woman who decided to sell her house

Poznajem ženu koja je odlučila da proda kuću

because she didn't want to intimidate a man who might marry her.

jer nije želela da uplaši muškarca koji bi je mogao oženiti.

I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria who, when she goes to conferences,

Poznajem neudatu ženu u Nigeriji koja, kada ide na konferencije,

wears a wedding ring

nosi burmu jer, kako kaže,

because according to her,

she wants the other participants in the conference to "give her respect."

želi da joj drugi učesnici konferencije „ukažu poštovanje“.

I know young women who are under so much pressure

Poznajem mlade žene koje su pod tolikim pritiskom

from family, from friends, even from work to get married,

od strane porodice, prijatelja, čak i na poslu, da se udaju,

and they're pushed to make terrible choices.

da su primorane da naprave užasne izbore.

A woman at a certain age who is unmarried,

Ženu u određenim godinama koja je neudata

our society teaches her to see it as a deep, personal failure.

naše društvo uči da to vidi kao veliki, lični neuspeh.

And a man at a certain age who is unmarried,

A za muškarca u određenim godinama koji je neoženjen

we just think he hasn't come around to making his pick.

jednostavno mislimo da nije stigao da napravi izbor.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

It's easy for us to say,

Lako je reći:

"Oh, but women can just say no to all of this."

„Da, ali žene mogu da kažu 'ne' svemu ovome.“

But the reality is more difficult and more complex.

Ali realnost je teža i komplikovanija.

We're all social beings.

Svi smo mi društvena bića.

We internalize ideas from our socialization.

Usvajamo ideje iz naše socijalizacije.

Even the language we use

Čak i rečnik koji koristimo kada govorimo o braku i vezama, pokazuje ovo.

in talking about marriage and relationships illustrates this.

The language of marriage is often the language of ownership

Rečnik braka je često rečnik posedovanja, pre nego rečnik partnerstva.

rather than the language of partnership.

We use the word "respect"

Koristimo reč „poštovanje“

to mean something a woman shows a man

kada mislimo na nešto što žena ukazuje muškarcu,

but often not something a man shows a woman.

ali često ne kao nešto što muškarac pokazuje ženi.

Both men and women in Nigeria will say --

Muškarci i žene u Nigeriji bi rekli - ovo je izraz koji me veoma zabavlja -

this is an expression I'm very amused by --

"I did it for peace in my marriage."

„Uradio sam to zbog mira u braku.“

Now, when men say it,

Kada muškarci to kažu,

it is usually about something that they should not be doing anyway.

to je obično nešto što ionako ne bi trebali da rade.

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

Sometimes they say it to their friends,

Ponekad to kažu svojim prijateljima,

it's something to say to their friends in a kind of fondly exasperated way,

to je nešto što kažu prijateljima na neki nežno ogorčeni način.

you know, something that ultimately proves how masculine they are,

Znate, nešto što konačno dokazuje koliko su muževni, potrebni, voljeni.

how needed, how loved.

"Oh, my wife said I can't go to the club every night,

„Moja žena kaže da ne mogu da idem u klub svake noći,

so for peace in my marriage, I do it only on weekends."

tako da, zbog mira u braku, idem samo vikendom.“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Now, when a woman says, "I did it for peace in my marriage,"

A kada žena kaže: „Uradila sam to zbog mira u braku“,

she's usually talking about giving up a job,

ona obično priča o odricanju od posla, sna, karijere.

a dream,

a career.

We teach females that in relationships,

Učimo žene da je u vezi kompromis ono što je svojstveno ženama.

compromise is what women do.

We raise girls to see each other as competitors --

Podižemo devojčice da gledaju jedna na drugu kao na konkurenciju -

not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing,

ne u poslu ili u dostignućima, što mislim da može da bude dobra stvar,

but for attention of men.

već u pogledu pažnje muškaraca.

We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings

Učimo devojčice da ne mogu da budu seksualna bića

in the way that boys are.

na isti način kao i dečaci.

If we have sons, we don't mind knowing about our sons' girlfriends.

Ako imamo sinove, ne smeta nam da znamo o njegovim devojkama.

But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.

Ali momci naših ćerki? Bože sačuvaj.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

But of course when the time is right,

Ali, naravno, u pravo vreme,

očekujemo od tih devojčica da dovedu pravog muškarca koji će biti njihov muž.

we expect those girls to bring back the perfect man to be their husbands.

We police girls, we praise girls for virginity,

Nadgledamo devojčice, veličamo ih zbog nevinosti,

but we don't praise boys for virginity,

ali ne veličamo dečake zbog nevinosti,

and it's always made me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out because ...

a uvek sam se pitala kako tačno to treba da funkcioniše zato što...

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

I mean, the loss of virginity is usually a process that involves ...

Mislim, gubljenje nevinosti je obično proces koji uključuje...

Recently a young woman was gang raped in a university in Nigeria,

Skoro je jedna mlada žena višestruko silovana

na univerzitetu u Nigeriji;

I think some of us know about that.

mislim da neki znaju za to.

And the response of many young Nigerians, both male and female,

Odgovor mnogih mladih Nigerijaca, i muškaraca i žena,

was something along the lines of this:

je bio nešto slično ovome:

"Yes, rape is wrong.

„Da, silovanje je pogrešno.

But what is a girl doing in a room with four boys?"

Ali šta jedna devojčica radi u sobi sa četiri dečaka?“

Now, if we can forget the horrible inhumanity of that response,

Ukoliko zanemarimo užasnu nehumanost takve reakcije,

these Nigerians have been raised to think of women as inherently guilty,

ovi Nigerijci su podizani tako da misle o ženi kao suštinski krivoj,

and they have been raised to expect so little of men

i podizani su da očekuju toliko malo od muškaraca

that the idea of men as savage beings without any control

da je ideja o muškarcima kao divljacima, bez ikakve kontrole, nekako prihvatljiva.

is somehow acceptable.

We teach girls shame.

Učimo devojčice da se stide.

"Close your legs." "Cover yourself."

„Skupi noge.“ „Pokrij se.“

Činimo da se osećaju kao da su, samim tim što su ženskog pola,

We make them feel as though by being born female

they're already guilty of something.

već krive za nešto.

And so, girls grow up to be women

Tako da devojčice porastu u žene koje ne vide da imaju želje.

who cannot see they have desire.

They grow up to be women who silence themselves.

Porastu u žene koje ućutkuju same sebe.

They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think,

Porastu u žene koje ne mogu da kažu šta zaista misle,

and they grow up --

i porastu -

and this is the worst thing we did to girls --

to je najgora stvar koju učinimo devojčicama -

they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form.

porastu u žene koje od pretvaranja naprave umetnost.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

I know a woman who hates domestic work,

Poznajem ženu koja mrzi kućne poslove, jednostavno ih mrzi,

she just hates it,

but she pretends that she likes it,

ali se pretvara da ih voli,

because she's been taught that to be "good wife material"

zato što je naučila da, da bi bila „dobar materijal za udaju“,

she has to be -- to use that Nigerian word --

ona mora da bude - da upotrebim tu nigerijsku reč - dobra „domaćica“.

very "homely."

And then she got married,

A onda se udala,

and after a while her husband's family began to complain that she had changed.

i nakon nekog vremena porodica njenog muža počela je da se žali kako se promenila.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Actually, she had not changed,

Zapravo, ona se nije promenila, samo se umorila od pretvaranja.

she just got tired of pretending.

The problem with gender,

Problem sa polom je da on propisuje kakvi treba da budemo

is that it prescribes how we should be

rather than recognizing how we are.

umesto da prepozna kakvi jesmo.

Now imagine how much happier we would be,

Zamislite koliko bismo bili srećniji, slobodniji da budemo ono što zaista jesmo,

how much freer to be our true individual selves,

if we didn't have the weight of gender expectations.

kada ne bismo imali taj teret u vidu očekivanja od pola.

Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically,

Dečaci i devojčice se, neosporno, biološki razlikuju,

but socialization exaggerates the differences

ali socijalizacija preuveličava razlike

and then it becomes a self-fulfilling process.

i onda postaje proces koji se samoostvaruje.

Now, take cooking for example.

Uzmimo za primer kuvanje.

Today women in general are more likely to do the housework than men,

Danas, pre će žene raditi kućne poslove nego muškarci - kuvanje i čišćenje.

the cooking and cleaning.

But why is that?

Ali zašto je to tako?

Is it because women are born with a cooking gene?

Da li je to zato što su se žene rodile sa genom za kuvanje?

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role?

Ili zato što su tokom godina prilagođavane tako da vide kuvanje kao njihovu ulogu?

U stvari, htela sam da kažem da su žene možda stvarno rođene sa genom za kuvanje

Actually, I was going to say that maybe women are born with a cooking gene,

until I remember that the majority of the famous cooks in the world,

dok se nisam setila da je većina poznatih kuvara na svetu,

whom we give the fancy title of "chefs,"

kojima dajemo fensi titulu „glavnog kuvara“, u stvari muškarci.

are men.

I used to look up to my grandmother

Nekada sam se ugledala na moju baku, koja je bila sjajna žena,

who was a brilliant, brilliant woman,

and wonder how she would have been

i pitala se kakva bi ona bila da je imala iste prilike kao muškarci u odrastanju.

if she had the same opportunities as men when she was growing up.

Now today, there are many more opportunities for women

Danas, postoji mnogo više prilika za žene nego što ih je bilo u vreme moje bake

than there were during my grandmother's time

because of changes in policy, changes in law,

zbog promena u politici, promena u zakonu, što je sve veoma važno.

all of which are very important.

But what matters even more is our attitude, our mindset,

Ali ono što je još važnije je naš stav, naš način razmišljanja,

what we believe and what we value about gender.

ono u šta verujemo i šta cenimo kod pola.

What if in raising children

Šta ako bismo se pri podizanju dece fokusirali na sposobnosti umesto na pol?

we focus on ability instead of gender?

What if in raising children we focus on interest instead of gender?

Šta ako bismo se pri podizanju dece fokusirali na interesovanja umesto na pol?

I know a family who have a son and a daughter,

Poznajem porodicu koja ima ćerku i sina, a oboje su sjajni u školi i divna deca.

both of whom are brilliant at school,

who are wonderful, lovely children.

When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl,

Kada je dečak gladan, roditelji kažu devojčici:

"Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother."

„Idi i spremi nudle za svog brata.“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Now, the daughter doesn't particularly like to cook Indomie noodles,

Devojčica ne voli nešto preterano da sprema nudle,

but she's a girl, and so she has to.

ali je devojčica, tako da mora da to uradi.

Now, what if the parents,

Šta ako bi roditelji, od početka,

from the beginning,

taught both the boy and the girl to cook Indomie?

učili i dečaka i devojčicu da spremaju nudle?

Cooking, by the way, is a very useful skill for boys to have.

Kuvanje je inače veoma korisna veština koju bi dečaci trebalo da imaju.

I've never thought it made sense to leave such a crucial thing,

Nikad mi nije imalo smisla zašto bi prepustili tako presudnu stvar,

the ability to nourish oneself --

sposobnost da nahranimo sebe -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

in the hands of others.

u rukama drugih.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

I know a woman who has the same degree and the same job as her husband.

Poznajem ženu koja ima istu diplomu i isti posao kao i njen muž.

When they get back from work, she does most of the housework,

Kada dođu kući sa posla, ona radi većinu kućnih poslova,

which I think is true for many marriages.

što mislim da je tako u većini brakova.

But what struck me about them

Ali što me je začudilo u njihovom slučaju, je da kad god bi muž promenio bebi pelenu,

was that whenever her husband changed the baby's diaper,

she said "thank you" to him.

ona bi mu rekla „hvala“.

Now, what if she saw this as perfectly normal and natural

Šta ako bi ona videla ovo kao nešto sasvim normalno i prirodno

that he should, in fact, care for his child?

da on, u stvari, i treba da se stara o svom detetu?

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I'm trying to unlearn many of the lessons of gender

Pokušavam da se odučim od mnogih lekcija o polu

that I internalized when I was growing up.

koje sam usvojila dok sam odrastala.

But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable in the face of gender expectations.

Ali ponekad se i dalje osećam ranjivo kada se suočim sa očekivanjima o polu.

The first time I taught a writing class in graduate school,

Prvi put kada sam držala čas pisanja na postdiplomskim studijama,

bila sam zabrinuta.

I was worried.

I wasn't worried about the material I would teach

Ne zbog materijala koji je trebalo da predajem

because I was well-prepared,

zato što sam to dobro pripremila, i predavala bih ono što volim da predajem.

and I was going to teach what I enjoy teaching.

Instead, I was worried about what to wear.

Umesto toga, brinula sam šta da obučem.

I wanted to be taken seriously.

Želela sam da me shvate ozbiljno.

I knew that because I was female

Znala sam da ću, zato što sam žensko, morati samim tim da dokažem koliko vredim.

I will automatically have to prove my worth.

A bila sam zabrinuta, ako izgledam previše ženstveno,

And I was worried that if I looked too feminine,

I would not be taken seriously.

da me neće shvatiti ozbiljno.

I really wanted to wear my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt,

Zapravo sam želela da stavim sjaj za usne i obučem suknju,

but I decided not to.

ali odlučila sam da to ne uradim.

Instead, I wore a very serious,

Umesto toga, obukla sam veoma ozbiljno, veoma muškobanjasto i grozno odelo.

very manly and very ugly suit.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Because the sad truth is that when it comes to appearance

Jer tužna istina je da, kada je u pitanju izgled,

we start off with men as the standard, as the norm.

muškarci su standard, oni su merilo.

If a man is getting ready for a business meeting,

Kada se muškarac sprema za poslovni sastanak,

he doesn't worry about looking too masculine

on ne brine da li izgleda previše muževno

and therefore not being taken for granted.

i da li će zbog toga da bude uzet zdravo za gotovo.

If a woman has to get ready for business meeting,

Kada se žena sprema za poslovni sastanak,

she has to worry about looking too feminine

ona mora da brine da li izgleda previše ženstveno,

and what it says and whether or not she will be taken seriously.

šta to govori o njoj i da li će biti shvaćena ozbiljno.

I wish I had not worn that ugly suit that day.

Volela bih da tog dana nisam obukla to odvratno odelo.

I've actually banished it from my closet, by the way.

Zapravo, izbacila sam ga iz ormana.

Had I then the confidence that I have now to be myself,

Da sam tada bila ovoliko sigurna u sebe koliko sam sada, da budem ono što jesam,

my students would have benefited even more from my teaching,

moji studenti bi imali još više koristi od mog predavanja,

because I would have been more comfortable

zato što bih se osećala prijatnije

and more fully and more truly myself.

i bila bih ispunjenija i mnogo više ono što zapravo jesam.

I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness

Izabrala sam da se više ne izvinjavam za svoju ženskost i za svoju ženstvenost.

and for my femininity.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness

Želim da me cene u celokupnoj mojoj ženskosti

because I deserve to be.

zato što to zaslužujem.

Gender is not an easy conversation to have.

Razgovor o polu nije lak.

For both men and women,

Kako za muškarce tako i za žene,

to bring up gender is sometimes to encounter almost immediate resistance.

pokrenuti priču o polu ponekad znači naići na direktan otpor.

I can imagine some people here are actually thinking,

Mogu da pretpostavim da neki ljudi ovde sada misle u sebi:

"Women too do sef."

„Žene, verne samoj sebi?“

Some of the men here might be thinking,

Neki od muškaraca ovde možda sada misle:

"OK, all of this is interesting,

„Dobro, sve ovo je interesantno, ali ja ne mislim tako.“

but I don't think like that."

And that is part of the problem.

A upravo to je deo problema.

That many men do not actively think about gender

To što mnogi muškarci ne razmišljaju aktivno o polu

or notice gender

ili ne primećuju pol, je deo problema o polu.

is part of the problem of gender.

That many men, say, like my friend Louis,

To što mnogi muškarci kažu, kao moj prijatelj Lui,

that everything is fine now.

da je sve u redu sada,

And that many men do nothing to change it.

i mnogi muškarci ne čine ništa da to promene.

If you are a man and you walk into a restaurant with a woman

Ako si muškarac i uđeš u restoran sa ženom

and the waiter greets only you,

i konobar pozdravi samo tebe,

does it occur to you to ask the waiter,

zar ti ne pada na pamet da pitaš konobara:

"Why haven't you greeted her?"

„Zašto nisi pozdravio i nju?“

Because gender can be --

Zato što pol može da bude -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Actually, we may repose part of a longer version of this talk.

Zapravo, možda smo zašli u dužu verziju ovog govora.

So, because gender can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have,

S obzirom na to da razgovor o polu može da bude neprijatan,

there are very easy ways to close it, to close the conversation.

postoje veoma laki načini da se prekine taj razgovor.

So some people will bring up evolutionary biology and apes,

Tako će neki ljudi spomenuti evolucionu biologiju i majmune,

how, you know, female apes bow down to male apes

kako se, znate, ženski majmuni klanjaju muškim majmunima, i slično.

and that sort of thing.

But the point is we're not apes.

Ali poenta je da mi nismo majmuni.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Apes also live on trees and have earthworms for breakfast,

Majmuni takođe žive na drvetu i jedu crve za doručak, a mi to ne činimo.

and we don't.

Some people will say, "Well, poor men also have a hard time."

Neki ljudi će reći: „Pa, jadni muškarci, i njima je teško.“

And this is true.

To je tačno.

But that is not what this --

Ali to nije ono što -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

But this is not what this conversation is about.

Ali ovaj razgovor nije o tome.

Gender and class are different forms of oppression.

Pol i klasa predstavljaju različite vrste ugnjetavanja.

I actually learned quite a bit about systems of oppression

Zapravo, ja sam naučila mnogo toga o sistemima ugnjetavanja

and how they can be blind to one another

i kako oni mogu da budu slepi jedni za druge, razgovarajući sa crncima.

by talking to black men.

I was once talking to a black man about gender

Jednom sam razgovarala sa crncem o polu i on mi je rekao:

and he said to me,

"Why do you have to say 'my experience as a woman'?

„Zašto moraš da kažeš 'moje iskustvo kao žena'?

Why can't it be

Zašto ne može da bude 'tvoje iskustvo kao ljudsko biće'?“

'your experience as a human being'?"

Now, this was the same man

Ovo je bio isti muškarac koji je često govorio o svom iskustvu kao crnac.

who would often talk about his experience as a black man.

Pol je bitan.

Gender matters.

Men and women experience the world differently.

Muškarci i žene doživljavaju svet različito.

Gender colors the way we experience the world.

Pol određuje način na koji doživljavamo svet.

But we can change that.

Ali mi možemo da promenimo to.

Some people will say,

Neki ljudi će reći:

"Oh, but women have the real power,

„Ali žene imaju stvarnu moć, suštinsku moć.“

bottom power."

And for non-Nigerians, bottom power is an expression

Za one koji nisu Nigerijci, suštinska moć je izraz

koji pretpostavljam da znači nešto slično tome

which I suppose means something like a woman

who uses her sexuality to get favors from men.

kao žena koja koristi svoju seksualnost da bi dobijala usluge od muškaraca.

But bottom power is not power at all.

Ali suštinska moć nije moć uopšte.

Bottom power means that a woman

Suštinska moć znači da žena jednostavno ima dobru osnovu

simply has a good root to tap into, from time to time --

da s vremena na vreme iskoristi tuđu moć.

somebody else's power.

And then, of course, we have to wonder

Onda, naravno, moramo da se zapitamo

šta kada je taj neko loše volje, bolestan ili impotentan.

what happens when that somebody else is in a bad mood,

or sick

or impotent.

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

Some people will say that a woman being subordinate to a man is our culture.

Neki ljudi će reći da naša kultura nalaže da žena bude podređena muškarcu.

But culture is constantly changing.

Ali kultura se stalno menja.

I have beautiful twin nieces who are fifteen and live in Lagos.

Imam prelepe nećakinje bliznakinje koje imaju 15 godina i žive u Lagosu.

If they had been born a hundred years ago

Da su se rodile pre sto godina, bile bi odvedene i ubijene.

they would have been taken away and killed.

Because it was our culture, it was our culture to kill twins.

Zato što je to bila naša kultura, kultura je bila da se blizanci ubijaju.

So what is the point of culture?

Pa šta je onda svrha kulture?

I mean there's the decorative,

Mislim, tu je ono dekorativno - ples...

the dancing ...

but also, culture really is about preservation and continuity of a people.

ali kultura je u stvari i u očuvanju i produženju vrste.

In my family,

U mojoj porodici,

I am the child who is most interested in the story of who we are,

ja sam dete koje najviše interesuje priča o tome ko smo,

in our traditions,

naša tradicija, znanje o zemlji naših predaka.

in the knowledge about ancestral lands.

My brothers are not as interested as I am.

Moja braća nisu zainteresovana kao ja.

But I cannot participate,

Ali ja ne mogu da učestvujem, ne mogu da idem na plemenske sastanke,

I cannot go to umunna meetings,

ne mogu da imam reč.

I cannot have a say.

Because I'm female.

Zato što sam žensko.

Culture does not make people,

Kultura ne čini ljude, ljudi čine kulturu.

people make culture.

So if it is in fact true --

Tako da ako je stvarno tačno -

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

So if it is in fact true

Tako da ako je stvarno tačno

that the full humanity of women is not our culture,

da celokupno čovečanstvo žena ne čini našu kulturu,

then we must make it our culture.

onda treba da ih učinimo našom kulturom.

I think very often of my dear friend, Okoloma Maduewesi.

Veoma često se setim svog dragog prijatelja,

Okolome Maduevesija.

May he and all the others who passed away in that Sosoliso crash

Neka on i svi ostali koji su preminuli u toj nesreći Sosolisa, počivaju u miru.

continue to rest in peace.

He will always be remembered by those of us who loved him.

Pamtićemo ga svi mi koji smo ga voleli.

And he was right that day many years ago when he called me a feminist.

Bio je u pravu onog dana pre mnogo godina kada me je nazvao feministkinjom.

I am a feminist.

Ja jesam feministkinja.

And when I looked up the word in the dictionary that day,

A kada sam tog dana potražila reč u rečniku, ovo je pisalo:

this is what it said:

„Feminista: osoba koja veruje u socijalnu, političku

"Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political

and economic equality of the sexes."

i ekonomsku jednakost među polovima.“

My great grandmother, from the stories I've heard,

Moja čukunbaka, iz priča koje sam čula, je bila feministkinja.

was a feminist.

She ran away from the house of the man she did not want to marry

Pobegla je iz kuće muškarca za kog nije želela da se uda

and ended up marrying the man of her choice.

i na kraju se udala za onog koga je izabrala.

She refused, she protested, she spoke up

Odbijala je, bunila se, dizala svoj glas

whenever she felt she was being deprived of access, of land, that sort of thing.

kad god je osećala da joj je uskraćen pristup, zemlja, i tome slično.

My great grandmother did not know that word "feminist,"

Moja čukunbaka nije znala za reč „feministkinja“,

but it doesn't mean that she wasn't one.

ali to ne znači da ona to nije bila.

More of us should reclaim that word.

Više nas bi trebalo da povrati pravo na tu reč.

My own definition of feminist is:

Moja definicija feministe je:

"A feminist is a man or a woman

feminista je muškarac ili žena

who says --

koji kaže -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

A feminist is a man or a woman who says,

Feminista je muškarac ili žena koji kaže:

"Yes, there's a problem with gender as it is today,

„Da, postoji problem sa polom onako kako je to danas,

and we must fix it.

i moramo da ga rešimo.

We must do better."

Moramo da učinimo stvari boljim.“

The best feminist I know

Najbolji feminista kog poznajem je moj brat Kene.

is my brother Kene.

He's also a kind, good-looking, lovely man,

On je takođe ljubazan, zgodan, predivan muškarac,

and he's very masculine.

i veoma je muževan.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)