Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: We should all be feminists | TED

翻译人员: Wei Wu 校对人员: Jiawei Ni

So I would like to start by telling you about one of my greatest friends,

今天我打算从一个我最好的朋友开始讲起，

Okoloma Maduewesi.

他叫 Okoloma Maduewesi。

Okoloma lived on my street

Okoloma 跟我住一个街区

and looked after me like a big brother.

像大哥哥一样照顾我。

If I liked a boy, I would ask Okoloma's opinion.

像是暗恋这样的事情我都会问Okoloma的意见。

Okoloma died in the notorious Sosoliso plane crash

Okoloma死于尼日利亚Sosoliso空难

in Nigeria in December of 2005.

时间是2005年12月。

Almost exactly seven years ago.

差不多已经快七年了。

Okoloma was a person I could argue with, laugh with and truly talk to.

我跟Okoloma无话不谈，毫无保留。

He was also the first person to call me a feminist.

他也是第一个称我为“女权主义者”的人。

I was about fourteen, we were at his house, arguing.

当时我才14岁，在他的家里争论某些话题。

Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge

当时我们因为对书中知识的理解不同

from books that we had read.

而争的面红耳赤。

I don't remember what this particular argument was about,

我已经忘记当时争论的是什么了，

but I remember that as I argued and argued,

但是我记得吵着吵着，

Okoloma looked at me and said, "You know, you're a feminist."

Okoloma看着我说： “你知道嘛？你是个女权主义者。”

It was not a compliment.

这可不是在夸奖我。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I could tell from his tone,

我来形容一下他的语气，

the same tone that you would use to say something like,

大概类似于现在这个时代说

"You're a supporter of terrorism."

“你支持者恐怖主义”一样。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I did not know exactly what this word "feminist" meant,

我当时不知道女权主义者是什么意思，

and I did not want Okoloma to know that I did not know.

我更不想让Okoloma发现我不知道。

So I brushed it aside, and I continued to argue.

所以我当时没接这个话茬， 继续争论之前的话题。

And the first thing I planned to do when I got home

当我回到家的第一件事情

was to look up the word "feminist" in the dictionary.

就是去字典里查“女权主义者”是什么意思。

Now fast forward to some years later,

时间快进到若干年后，

I wrote a novel about a man who among other things beats his wife

我写了一本书，情节包含了 一个男人打自己的老婆

and whose story doesn't end very well.

然后（他的）下场不是很好。

While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria,

当我在尼日利亚为小说进行宣传时，

a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man,

一个记者，一位善良好心的男人，

told me he wanted to advise me.

告诉我他希望给我一点建议。

And for the Nigerians here,

我想在座的尼日利亚人

I'm sure we're all familiar

一定都非常熟悉

with how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice.

我们的同胞是多么急切地要提供建议。

He told me that people were saying that my novel was feminist

他告诉我说人们觉得我的小说是女权主义的

and his advice to me --

并且他建议我——

and he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke --

当他说的时候悲伤的摇着头——

was that I should never call myself a feminist

我应该再也不要提及自己是女权主义者

because feminists are women who are unhappy

因为女权主义者都是一些不开心的女人

because they cannot find husbands.

因为她们找不到丈夫。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So I decided to call myself "a happy feminist."

所以我开始称自己为 “快乐的女权主义者”

Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me

后来一位学者，一位尼日利亚的女性告诉我

that feminism was not our culture

女权主义不是我们文化的一部分，

and that feminism wasn't African,

女权主义也不是非洲的，

and that I was calling myself a feminist

我之所以自称女权主义者

because I had been corrupted by "Western books."

是因为我看了太多“西方的书”。

Which amused me,

这个说法让我觉得很有趣，

because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist.

因为我早年阅读的那些书 百分百跟女权主义无关。

I think I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published

我想我一定是在我16岁之前就已经通读了

before I was sixteen.

Mills & Boon 出版的所有书籍

And each time I tried to read those books

每当我打算阅读那些书

called "the feminist classics,"

那些”女权主义经典“

I'd get bored, and I really struggled to finish them.

我都会觉得很无聊，很难看下去。

But anyway, since feminism was un-African,

但是不管怎样，既然女权主义不是非洲的，

I decided that I would now call myself "a happy African feminist."

我决定称自己为 “快乐的非洲女权主义者”

At some point I was a happy African feminist who does not hate men

现在我变成了一个不讨厌男人的 快乐的非洲女权主义者

and who likes lip gloss

喜欢涂润唇膏

and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.

根据自己而不是男人的喜好来穿高跟鞋。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek,

当然我刚才很多话都是半开玩笑的，

but that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage.

但是“女权主义者”这个词带着 很多负面的历史包袱。

You hate men, you hate bras,

你厌恶男人，你厌恶文胸，

you hate African culture, that sort of thing.

你厌恶非洲文化，如此种种。

Now here's a story from my childhood.

我要讲一个我小时候的故事。

When I was in primary school,

当我上小学的时候，

my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test

我的老师说在开学时会有一场考试

and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor.

考试分数最高的人将当上班长。

Now, class monitor was a big deal.

各位，当班长可是件大事。

If you were a class monitor,

一旦你当上了班长，

you got to write down the names of noisemakers --

你就有权把捣蛋的小朋友记下来

(Laughter)

（笑声）

which was having enough power of its own.

这个权力可是很大的哦。

But my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand

而且我的老师还会拿根教鞭交给班长

while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers.

在班级里巡逻揪出捣蛋鬼的时候攥在手里

Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane.

当然，使用教鞭打人是被禁止的。

But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me.

对于9岁的我来说太激动人心了

I very much wanted to be the class monitor.

我非常想当上班长。

And I got the highest score on the test.

而且我也顺利考到了第一名。

Then, to my surprise, my teacher said that the monitor had to be a boy.

然后我非常惊讶的听老师说， 班长必须是男孩。

She had forgotten to make that clear earlier

她在考试前忘记澄清了

because she assumed it was ... obvious.

因为她觉得这是很……自然的。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

A boy had the second highest score on the test,

第二名是个男孩，

and he would be monitor.

他被提名当班长。

Now, what was even more interesting about this

有意思的是

is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul

这个男孩很温和腼腆，

who had no interest in patrolling the class with the cane,

并没有兴趣拿着教鞭在教室巡逻，

while I was full of ambition to do so.

而我则非常渴望能这么做。

But I was female and he was male,

但是我是女孩他是男孩，

and so he became the class monitor.

所以他当上了班长。

And I've never forgotten that incident.

这件事情我一辈子都不会忘。

I often make the mistake of thinking

我经常犯的一个思维的误区

that something that is obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else.

是我觉得对我而言非常明显的道理 对别人并不是自然而然的。

Now, take my dear friend Louis

让我以我的好朋友 Louis

for example.

举个例子。

Louis is a brilliant, progressive man,

Louis 是一个聪明有上进心的男人，

and we would have conversations and he would tell me,

当我们聊天的时候他时常跟我说，

"I don't know what you mean by things being different or harder for women.

“我不知道你为什么老说 女人做起事情更加困难”

Maybe in the past, but not now."

“过去或许是，但是现在已经不同了。”

And I didn't understand how Louis could not see what seems so self-evident.

我不理解Louis怎么会看不到如此明显的事实。

Then one evening, in Lagos, Louis and I went out with friends.

有天晚上，我跟Louis在拉各斯市 （尼日利亚首都）跟朋友聚会。

And for people here who are not familiar with Lagos,

各位可能不太熟悉拉各斯市，

there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture,

这个城市的标志性组成之一，

the sprinkling of energetic men who hang around outside establishments

就是散布在各个建筑外的 精力充沛的男人

and very dramatically "help" you park your car.

举止非常夸张地“帮助”你泊车。

I was impressed with the particular theatrics

我那天对于帮助我们找到停车位的

of the man who found us a parking spot that evening.

那个男人的行为表现非常满意。

And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip.

所以当我从车上下来之后我决定给小费。

I opened my bag,

我打开我的包，

put my hand inside my bag,

把我的手伸进我的包，

brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work,

拿出我的钱，

and I gave it to the man.

然后给了那个男人。

And he, this man who was very grateful and very happy,

这个男人非常地感激和开心，

took the money from me,

从我手里拿到了钱，

looked across at Louis

（却）把目光投向Louis

and said, "Thank you, sir!"

说道，“谢谢您，先生！”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Louis looked at me, surprised,

Louis很惊讶的看着我，

and asked, "Why is he thanking me? I didn't give him the money."

问，“为什么他要感谢我？ 又不是我给他的钱。”

Then I saw realization dawn on Louis' face.

然后我看到Louis恍然大悟的表情。

The man believed that whatever money I had

那个男人相信我手里的钱

had ultimately come from Louis.

最终都是来自于身边的男人Louis的。

Because Louis is a man.

就因为Louis是男的。

Men and women are different.

男人和女人是不同的。

We have different hormones, we have different sexual organs,

我们有不同的荷尔蒙， 有不同的性器官，

we have different biological abilities.

在生理能力上也各有千秋。

Women can have babies, men can't.

女人可以生孩子，男人不行。

At least not yet.

至少现在不行。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Men have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women.

男人有睾丸酮，身体比女人更强壮有力。

There's slightly more women than men in the world,

女人的数量比男人稍多一些，

about 52 percent of the world's population is female.

全球大概52%是女性。

But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men.

但是男人攫取了绝大部分权力和威望。

The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate,

那位肯尼亚诺贝尔和平奖得主

Wangari Maathai,

Wangari Waathai，

put it simply and well when she said:

她阐述的非常明确：

"The higher you go, the fewer women there are."

“当你爬的越高，你发现女人越少。”

In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law,

在最近的（2016年）美国大选中 Lilly Ledbetter 法案经常被提到，

and if we go beyond the nicely alliterative name of that law,

这个法案的名字虽然好玩， 但是进一步了解你会发现

it was really about a man and a woman

这实际上是说一个男人和女人

doing the same job, being equally qualified,

如果工作内容和产出都相同，

and the man being paid more because he's a man.

那么男人会拿到更多的薪酬， 仅仅因为他是男人。

So in the literal way, men rule the world,

所以，男人真的掌控着世界，

and this made sense a thousand years ago

而且数千年前这样是合理的，

because human beings lived then in a world

因为人类生存的环境，

in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival.

当务之急是在恶劣环境中求生存。

The physically stronger person was more likely to lead,

身体强壮的人更可能做首领，

and men, in general, are physically stronger.

而男人身体普遍更强壮。

Of course there are many exceptions.

当然也有很多男人很虚。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But today we live in a vastly different world.

但是今天我们生活在完全不同的世界。

The person more likely to lead is not the physically stronger person;

现在成为首领的要素， 已经不再是身体强壮，

it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person,

而是要求有创造力，更加睿智，

the more innovative person,

更加有创新精神的人，

and there are no hormones for those attributes.

这些特质都不受荷尔蒙的支配。

A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent,

在智力上男人女人没有什么差异，

to be creative, to be innovative.

在创新和创造能力上也是如此。

We have evolved;

我们在进化；

but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.

但是看起来我们的性别观忘记进化了。

Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby of one of the best Nigerian hotels.

几周前，我走进一个酒店大厅，那是 尼日利亚最好的酒店之一。

I thought about naming the hotel, but I thought I probably shouldn't.

我在想要不要点出酒店的名字， 但是在这里我想还是算了。

And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions,

酒店门口的保安拦住了我， 问些让人恼火的问题，

because their automatic assumption is

因为他们理所当然的以为，

that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker.

单独走进酒店的当地女性，一定是妓女。

And by the way,

而且顺带一问，

why do these hotels focus on the ostensible supply

为什么这些酒店在乎表面的服务

rather than the demand for sex workers?

对于性工作者的需求却视而不见？

In Lagos I cannot go alone into many "reputable" bars and clubs.

拉各斯很多有“名望”的酒吧和俱乐部， 我一个人是进不去的。

They just don't let you in if you're a woman alone,

他们不允许女人单独进入，

you have to be accompanied by a man.

你要进去就必须有男人陪着。

Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man,

每次我带着一个男人进入尼日利亚的餐馆，

the waiter greets the man and ignores me.

服务生总是招呼男人，忽略我。

The waiters are products --

这些服务生是产品——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

At this some women felt like, "Yes! I thought that!"

这时一些女人的反应是， “没错！我想也是！”

The waiters are products of a society

这些服务生是社会的产物

that has taught them that men are more important than women.

社会教育他们男人比女人重要。

And I know that waiters don't intend any harm.

我也知道服务生无意冒犯我。

But it's one thing to know intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally.

但是理性分析是一回事， 感觉和情绪是另一回事。

Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible.

每次我被人忽略，我感到被无视了。

I feel upset.

我感到沮丧。

I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man,

我想告诉他们我也是人，跟男人一样，

that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment.

我也理应被认可。

These are little things,

这些都是小事，

but sometimes it's the little things that sting the most.

但有时恰恰是小事最能刺痛你。

And not long ago, I wrote an article

不久之前，我写了篇文章

about what it means to be young and female in Lagos,

描述在拉各斯生活的年轻女性要面对什么，

and the printers told me,

后来印刷商跟我说，

"It was so angry."

“文章怒气满满啊。”

Of course it was angry!

当然很有怒气了！

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I am angry.

我很生气。

Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice.

性别在今天依然存在着严重的歧视。

We should all be angry.

我们都应该感到愤怒。

Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change;

历史上愤怒带来过很多积极的进步；

but, in addition to being angry, I'm also hopeful.

但是在愤怒之外我还满怀希望。

Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings

因为我深深的相信人类有种能力

to make and remake themselves for the better.

我们可以不断改变让自己更好。

Gender matters everywhere in the world,

性别问题在全世界都存在，

but I want to focus on Nigeria

但是我聚焦于尼日利亚，

and on Africa in general,

以及整个非洲，

because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is.

这是我的故乡，我的心之所向。

And I would like today to ask

今天我希望大家

that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world,

能够开始梦想和筹划一个不一样的世界，

a fairer world,

这个世界更加公平，

a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.

这个世界男人和女人都更加开心和真实。

And this is how to start:

我们要从这里开始改变：

we must raise our daughters differently.

我们要改变教育我们女儿的方式。

We must also raise our sons differently.

我们要改变教育我们儿子的方式。

We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them;

我们培养男孩的方式给他们 带来了极大的伤害：

we stifle the humanity of boys.

我们抹掉了男孩子人性的那一面。

We define masculinity in a very narrow way,

我们对男子气概的定义非常狭隘，

masculinity becomes this hard, small cage

男子气概就像是一个坚硬狭小的牢笼，

and we put boys inside the cage.

我们把男孩子塞了进去。

We teach boys to be afraid of fear.

我们让男孩子不敢坦诚自己的害怕。

We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability.

我们让男孩子不敢暴露自己的脆弱。

We teach them to mask their true selves,

我们让男孩子藏起真实的自己，

because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, "hard man!"

教他们必须成为尼日利亚人口中的“硬汉”。

In secondary school, a boy and a girl, both of them teenagers,

在中学，相同年纪的男孩和女孩，

both of them with the same amount of pocket money, would go out

口袋里有同样多的零花钱，

and then the boy would be expected always to pay,

结伴出去玩的时候，男孩默认要付钱，

to prove his masculinity.

这样才体现男子气概。

And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.

与此同时我们还疑惑为什么男孩喜欢从家里偷钱。

What if both boys and girls were raised

如果我们在养育男孩和女孩的时候

not to link masculinity with money?

不把男子气概和钱挂钩会这样？

What if the attitude was not "the boy has to pay"

如果我们把“男孩付钱”的风俗改成

but rather "whoever has more should pay?"

“谁钱多谁付钱”那么会不会更好？

Now, of course because of that historical advantage,

当然，由于历史积累的差异，

it is mostly men who will have more today,

绝大部分情况下男人更有钱一些，

but if we start raising children differently,

但是如果我们开始改变教育孩子的方式，

then in fifty years, in a hundred years,

五十年后，一百年后，

boys will no longer have the pressure of having to prove this masculinity.

那时男孩子将不再需要被迫证明自己的男子气概。

But by far the worst thing we do to males,

但是我们对于男人做的最糟糕的事情，

by making them feel that they have to be hard,

是让他们觉得自己必须要“硬”

is that we leave them with very fragile egos.

却相反的让他们的内心非常脆弱。

The more "hard man" the man feels compelled to be,

一个男人给我的“硬汉”感觉越强烈，

the weaker his ego is.

他的内心就越脆弱。

And then we do a much greater disservice to girls

我们教育女孩的方式给她们带来了极大的伤害，

because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men.

因为我们教育她们去呵护男人的脆弱内心。

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller,

我们教育女孩子收敛，放低自己，

we say to girls,

对女孩说，

"You can have ambition, but not too much."

“有野心挺好的，但是不要太大。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"You should aim to be successful, but not too successful,

“你要努力成功，但是一点点就好，”

otherwise you would threaten the man."

“不要威胁到男人的地位。”

If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man,

如果你比你老公更能赚钱养家，

you have to pretend that you're not,

你必须假装赚的没有老公多，

especially in public,

尤其是公开场合，

otherwise you will emasculate him.

不然会让你的男人看着不像男人。

But what if we question the premise itself?

但是这个前提本身我们是否质疑过呢？

Why should a woman's success be a threat to a man?

为什么一个女人事业有成就会威胁到男人了？

What if we decide to simply dispose of that word,

为什么我们不能够直接弃用那个英语单词，

and I don't think there's an English word I dislike more than "emasculation."

那个在英语里我最不喜欢的一个词： ”emasculation“（失去男子气概）

A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me

一位尼日利亚的朋友问我

if I was worried that men would be intimidated by me.

是否担心我会吓到男人。

I was not worried at all.

我一点儿也不担心。

In fact, it had not occurred to me to be worried

事实上也从未担心过

because a man who would be intimidated by me

因为一个可能被我（的成功）吓到的人

is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.

完全不会是我喜欢的男人类型。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

But still I was really struck by this.

但是这件事对我触动很大。

Because I'm female, I'm expected to aspire to marriage;

因为我是女性，我被要求以婚姻为重。

I'm expected to make my life choices

人们期待我每次的人生选择

always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important.

都首先要考虑对婚姻可能的影响。

A marriage can be a good thing;

婚姻可以是美好的；

it can be a source of joy and love and mutual support.

婚姻可以带来快乐、爱和精神支持。

But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage

但是我们在培养女孩子的婚姻观的时候，

and we don't teach boys the same?

我们有没有同样的教育男孩子婚姻观？

I know a woman who decided to sell her house

我认识的一个女人卖掉了自己的房子

because she didn't want to intimidate a man who might marry her.

因为她不希望让打算娶她的男人感到困扰。

I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria who, when she goes to conferences,

我认识一位尼日利亚的女性，每次出去开会，

wears a wedding ring

都要戴一枚戒指

because according to her,

因为她说，

she wants the other participants in the conference to "give her respect."

她希望其他参会人员“尊重她”。

I know young women who are under so much pressure

我知道年轻女人的压力有多大

from family, from friends, even from work to get married,

亲朋好友都逼着她结婚，

and they're pushed to make terrible choices.

有些在这样的压力下做了糟糕的选择。

A woman at a certain age who is unmarried,

一个女人到了一定年龄还没嫁出去，

our society teaches her to see it as a deep, personal failure.

舆论会让她觉得这是极大的个人失败。

And a man at a certain age who is unmarried,

一个男人到了一定年龄还没有结婚，

we just think he hasn't come around to making his pick.

我们会说他仅仅是还没有遇到合适的。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

It's easy for us to say,

我们很容易这么说，

"Oh, but women can just say no to all of this."

“哦，但是女人可以说不呀。”

But the reality is more difficult and more complex.

但是现实要复杂和困难的多。

We're all social beings.

我们都是社会的一份子。

We internalize ideas from our socialization.

我们内在的想法来自我们所处的社会。

Even the language we use

甚至我们谈论婚姻时

in talking about marriage and relationships illustrates this.

我们的语言都会对我们有影响。

The language of marriage is often the language of ownership

我们的语言描述婚姻更像是一种所有关系，

rather than the language of partnership.

而不是一种对等的伙伴关系。

We use the word "respect"

我们使用“尊重”一词

to mean something a woman shows a man

来更多的描述女人对男人的态度

but often not something a man shows a woman.

而不是男人对女人的态度。

Both men and women in Nigeria will say --

尼日利亚的男人和女人都会说——

this is an expression I'm very amused by --

这是我非常着迷的一个现象——

"I did it for peace in my marriage."

“我做这个是为了维持这个家。”

Now, when men say it,

当男人这么说的时候，

it is usually about something that they should not be doing anyway.

通常是指那些他们本来就不应该做的事情。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Sometimes they say it to their friends,

有时男人会跟朋友说，

it's something to say to their friends in a kind of fondly exasperated way,

有时男人会对他的朋友用一种 深情又有点恼怒的口气，

you know, something that ultimately proves how masculine they are,

你知道就是那种最能够体现 他们男子气概的方式

how needed, how loved.

充满了爱和体贴。

"Oh, my wife said I can't go to the club every night,

“哎呀，我妻子不让我每天晚上来俱乐部，”

so for peace in my marriage, I do it only on weekends."

“所以为了这个家我只有周末来。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now, when a woman says, "I did it for peace in my marriage,"

但是当一个女人说出同样这句 “我做这个是为了这个家”

she's usually talking about giving up a job,

她说的是放弃一份工作，

a dream,

放弃梦想，

a career.

放弃事业。

We teach females that in relationships,

我们教育妇女在为了维持婚姻，

compromise is what women do.

妥协退让是女人的本分。

We raise girls to see each other as competitors --

我们教育女孩们将对方视为竞争者——

not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing,

不是工作或成就上的竞争者， ——这种竞争我觉得很好，

but for attention of men.

而是为了吸引男人而竞争。

We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings

我们告诉女孩子不能打扮太性感

in the way that boys are.

而对男孩子就无所谓。

If we have sons, we don't mind knowing about our sons' girlfriends.

如果我们的儿子有了女朋友，我们不会介意。

But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.

但是女儿有了男朋友？绝对不行。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But of course when the time is right,

当然等到了合适的时间，

we expect those girls to bring back the perfect man to be their husbands.

我们期待这些女孩能带回来一个 完美的男人成为她的丈夫。

We police girls, we praise girls for virginity,

我们约束女孩要求她们保持童贞。

but we don't praise boys for virginity,

但是我们不要求男孩保持童贞。

and it's always made me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out because ...

这一直让我觉得很好奇 事情怎么能运转起来…

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

I mean, the loss of virginity is usually a process that involves ...

我的意思是，失去童真的过程 通常需要一男一女…

Recently a young woman was gang raped in a university in Nigeria,

最近一名女孩在尼日利亚大学被轮奸，

I think some of us know about that.

我想在做的各位可能听说了。

And the response of many young Nigerians, both male and female,

很多尼日利亚人，包括男人和女人，

was something along the lines of this:

他们的态度是这样的：

"Yes, rape is wrong.

“没错，强奸犯法，”

But what is a girl doing in a room with four boys?"

“但是一个女孩为什么要跟 四个男孩共处一室呢？”

Now, if we can forget the horrible inhumanity of that response,

现在让我们先忽略掉这个反应的 冷血无情的部分，

these Nigerians have been raised to think of women as inherently guilty,

这些尼日利亚人收到的教育 默认女人天生是有罪的，

and they have been raised to expect so little of men

他们的教育也告诉他们

that the idea of men as savage beings without any control

不要对男人的自控能力预期太高

is somehow acceptable.

做出兽行也是能理解的。

We teach girls shame.

我们教育女孩要知道羞耻。

"Close your legs." "Cover yourself."

“腿夹紧。” “别穿那么暴露。”

We make them feel as though by being born female

我们让女孩觉得生而为女人

they're already guilty of something.

天生就是有罪的。

And so, girls grow up to be women

因此，女孩长大成女人

who cannot see they have desire.

也对自己的渴望视而不见。

They grow up to be women who silence themselves.

她们变成压抑自己的女人。

They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think,

她们变成不能直抒己见的女人，

and they grow up --

她们长大后——

and this is the worst thing we did to girls --

这是我们对女孩做的最糟糕的事情——

they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form.

她们长大之后把这种假装当作一种艺术。

(Applause)

（掌声）

I know a woman who hates domestic work,

我知道一个女人，厌恶做家务，

she just hates it,

不喜欢做家务，

but she pretends that she likes it,

但是她假装自己很喜欢，

because she's been taught that to be "good wife material"

因为她觉得这是“好妻子必备素质”

she has to be -- to use that Nigerian word --

她不得不表现的——用尼日利亚的话说——

very "homely."

非常“居家”。

And then she got married,

等她结婚了，

and after a while her husband's family began to complain that she had changed.

没过多久她的婆家开始抱怨她变了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Actually, she had not changed,

实际上她没变，

she just got tired of pretending.

她就是不想再装了。

The problem with gender,

性别问题，

is that it prescribes how we should be

在于它规定了我们应该是什么样子，

rather than recognizing how we are.

而不能发现我们为什么是现在这个样子。

Now imagine how much happier we would be,

现在想想一下如果我们放下

how much freer to be our true individual selves,

性别形象带来的负担，我们将会多么的快乐，

if we didn't have the weight of gender expectations.

多么的自由，释放真正的自我。

Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically,

男性和女性在生理结构上 毫无疑问是有差异的，

but socialization exaggerates the differences

但是社会结构夸大了这种差异，

and then it becomes a self-fulfilling process.

并使得这种差异被累积和加深。

Now, take cooking for example.

现在，以做饭为例。

Today women in general are more likely to do the housework than men,

在今天女人一般比男人要多做家务，

the cooking and cleaning.

例如做饭和打扫。

But why is that?

但是为什么呢？

Is it because women are born with a cooking gene?

难道女人有做饭基因？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role?

还是说是社会观念觉得 做饭是女性应该做的？

Actually, I was going to say that maybe women are born with a cooking gene,

实际上我一度觉得女人确实有烹饪的基因，

until I remember that the majority of the famous cooks in the world,

直到我意识到这个世界上有名的厨子，

whom we give the fancy title of "chefs,"

那些我们冠以“大厨”头衔的人，

are men.

都是男人。

I used to look up to my grandmother

我时常回忆起我的外婆

who was a brilliant, brilliant woman,

一位非常睿智的女人，

and wonder how she would have been

我很好奇如果她在成长过程中

if she had the same opportunities as men when she was growing up.

有跟男孩同样的机会， 会达到什么成就。

Now today, there are many more opportunities for women

今天的女人有了很多机会

than there were during my grandmother's time

是我外婆那一辈所没有的

because of changes in policy, changes in law,

这得益于国家政策以及法律的改变，

all of which are very important.

每一项改变都非常重要。

But what matters even more is our attitude, our mindset,

但是更重要的改变是我们的 态度和思维模式，

what we believe and what we value about gender.

在性别问题上我们的信念和价值观。

What if in raising children

如果我们关注能力而不是性别

we focus on ability instead of gender?

我们抚养孩子会有怎样的不同？

What if in raising children we focus on interest instead of gender?

如果我们关注于兴趣而不是性别呢？

I know a family who have a son and a daughter,

我认识一家人，有一儿一女，

both of whom are brilliant at school,

儿女在学校表现都很好，

who are wonderful, lovely children.

都是讨人喜欢的孩子。

When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl,

当儿子饿了的时候， 父母会对女儿说，

"Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother."

“去给你哥哥煮碗面条。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now, the daughter doesn't particularly like to cook Indomie noodles,

小女孩并不喜欢煮面条，

but she's a girl, and so she has to.

但是她是女孩，她不得不去做。

Now, what if the parents,

现在，如果这对父母，

from the beginning,

从一开始，

taught both the boy and the girl to cook Indomie?

就让男孩女孩都去煮面条？

Cooking, by the way, is a very useful skill for boys to have.

顺带一提做饭对于男孩也是非常重要的技能。

I've never thought it made sense to leave such a crucial thing,

我从未想过将喂饱自己这样重要的能力

the ability to nourish oneself --

交由他人之手

(Laughter)

（笑声）

in the hands of others.

有什么意义。

(Applause)

（掌声）

I know a woman who has the same degree and the same job as her husband.

我认识一个女人跟她的丈夫 有同样的学历和工作，

When they get back from work, she does most of the housework,

下班回到家之后，是妻子承担了 绝大部分的家务，

which I think is true for many marriages.

我想大部分婚姻里都是如此。

But what struck me about them

但是真正让我震惊的，

was that whenever her husband changed the baby's diaper,

是每当她的丈夫给孩子换尿布的时候，

she said "thank you" to him.

妻子都要对丈夫说“谢谢你。”

Now, what if she saw this as perfectly normal and natural

现在，如果她觉得一切都是顺理成章的呢？

that he should, in fact, care for his child?

丈夫本来就需要照顾自己的孩子不是么？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I'm trying to unlearn many of the lessons of gender

我一直尝试摆脱我在成长过程中内化的

that I internalized when I was growing up.

那些对性别的要求和预期。

But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable in the face of gender expectations.

但是有时候我依然觉得面对 性别预期时非常的脆弱。

The first time I taught a writing class in graduate school,

当我第一次在一所中学教写作的时候，

I was worried.

我很担心。

I wasn't worried about the material I would teach

我不担心教学内容

because I was well-prepared,

因为我准备的很充分

and I was going to teach what I enjoy teaching.

而且我要教的正好也是我非常喜欢的。

Instead, I was worried about what to wear.

我担心的是我要穿什么衣服。

I wanted to be taken seriously.

我希望被严肃地对待。

I knew that because I was female

我知道仅仅因为我是女性，

I will automatically have to prove my worth.

我就自然的需要证明自己的价值。

And I was worried that if I looked too feminine,

同时我担心如果我穿得太女性化，

I would not be taken seriously.

我会被人轻视。

I really wanted to wear my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt,

我真的很想涂闪闪的唇彩， 穿很女人的衬衫，

but I decided not to.

但是我决定算了。

Instead, I wore a very serious,

相反的我穿了一件非常正式的

very manly and very ugly suit.

男性化的丑陋的西服。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Because the sad truth is that when it comes to appearance

因为可悲的真相是涉及到衣着时，

we start off with men as the standard, as the norm.

我们将男人视为标准和典范。

If a man is getting ready for a business meeting,

如果一个男人准备好参加工作会议，

he doesn't worry about looking too masculine

他不需要担心穿着上是否够男子气

and therefore not being taken for granted.

因为别人本来就认可他。

If a woman has to get ready for business meeting,

当一个女人准备好参加工作会议，

she has to worry about looking too feminine

她需要担心是否穿得太女性化

and what it says and whether or not she will be taken seriously.

需要担心别人是否因此轻视她。

I wish I had not worn that ugly suit that day.

我希望我那天并没有穿那件丑陋的西服。

I've actually banished it from my closet, by the way.

顺带一提我已经扔掉了那件西服。

Had I then the confidence that I have now to be myself,

当年缺乏的自信，现在我已经有了，

my students would have benefited even more from my teaching,

我的学生可以从我这里学到更多，

because I would have been more comfortable

因为我（在课堂上）更加的舒适放松

and more fully and more truly myself.

展现更加真实和完整的自我。

I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness

我选择不再因为我的女性化

and for my femininity.

和女权主张而不安。

(Applause)

（掌声）

And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness

而且我希望的是我的所有 女性特点都被尊重，

because I deserve to be.

因为我值得被尊重。

Gender is not an easy conversation to have.

性别问题谈论起来并不容易。

For both men and women,

无论男人还是女人，

to bring up gender is sometimes to encounter almost immediate resistance.

挑起性别话题有时候会遇到 条件反射式的反弹。

I can imagine some people here are actually thinking,

我能想象有些人实际上的想法是，

"Women too do sef."

“女人也是自私的。”

Some of the men here might be thinking,

在座的某些男性可能会想，

"OK, all of this is interesting,

“好吧，听起来很有道理，”

but I don't think like that."

“但是我不这么看。”

And that is part of the problem.

这是部分问题所在。

That many men do not actively think about gender

很多男人并没有主动的察觉到性别

or notice gender

或者意识到性别

is part of the problem of gender.

是性别问题的一部分。

That many men, say, like my friend Louis,

很多男人，例如我的朋友Louis，

that everything is fine now.

觉得现在一切都很完美。

And that many men do nothing to change it.

这使得很多男人对改变现状没有任何贡献。

If you are a man and you walk into a restaurant with a woman

如果你是一个男人，带着一个女人， 走进一家餐馆，

and the waiter greets only you,

如果服务生只跟你打招呼，

does it occur to you to ask the waiter,

你有没有问过服务生，

"Why haven't you greeted her?"

“为什么你不向她问好？”

Because gender can be --

因为性别可以——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Actually, we may repose part of a longer version of this talk.

实际上我们如果有时间可以 继续扩展一下这段对话。

So, because gender can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have,

因为性别问题谈论起来非常叫人不舒服，

there are very easy ways to close it, to close the conversation.

所以很容易话题就被中断了。

So some people will bring up evolutionary biology and apes,

有些人可能会提到演化论和猿人，

how, you know, female apes bow down to male apes

讲起女猿人如何顺从男猿人

and that sort of thing.

以及如此种种。

But the point is we're not apes.

但问题是我们不是猴子。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

Apes also live on trees and have earthworms for breakfast,

猿人长在树上，吃蚯蚓当早饭，

and we don't.

我们不是。

Some people will say, "Well, poor men also have a hard time."

有人会反驳说，“穷男人也很艰难。”

And this is true.

话是不假。

But that is not what this --

但是毫不相干——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But this is not what this conversation is about.

这跟我们谈论的性别问题完全无关。

Gender and class are different forms of oppression.

性别和社会等级是不同的被压抑的问题。

I actually learned quite a bit about systems of oppression

我实际上从过跟一个黑人男性的聊天

and how they can be blind to one another

发现了不同的被压抑的问题之间

by talking to black men.

是完全无视对方存在的。

I was once talking to a black man about gender

我曾经跟一个黑人男性聊起来性别问题

and he said to me,

他跟我说，

"Why do you have to say 'my experience as a woman'?

“为什么你们要谈论‘我做为女人的经历’？”

Why can't it be

“为什么不去说”

'your experience as a human being'?"

“‘你做为人的经验’？”

Now, this was the same man

但是呢，同样这个男人

who would often talk about his experience as a black man.

却经常那自己的黑人身份说事儿。

Gender matters.

性别很重要。

Men and women experience the world differently.

男人女人对世界的认知是不同的。

Gender colors the way we experience the world.

性别让我们带着有色眼镜去看世界。

But we can change that.

但是我们可以改变。

Some people will say,

有人会说，

"Oh, but women have the real power,

“嗯，但是女人有实际的权利，”

bottom power."

“屁股力量（bottom power）。”

And for non-Nigerians, bottom power is an expression

我来解释一下，屁股力量表的思是

which I suppose means something like a woman

类似一个女人利用她的性魅力

who uses her sexuality to get favors from men.

吸引并影响一个男人的能力。

But bottom power is not power at all.

但是屁股力量根本不是什么力量。

Bottom power means that a woman

屁股力量意味着一个女人

simply has a good root to tap into, from time to time --

只是有很好的能力—— 一次又一次地——

somebody else's power.

借助别人的力量。

And then, of course, we have to wonder

然后，我们理所当然的担心

what happens when that somebody else is in a bad mood,

如果借助力量的那个人脾气很糟，

or sick

或者生病了，

or impotent.

或者是无能的。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Some people will say that a woman being subordinate to a man is our culture.

有人说女人屈服于男人是我们的文化。

But culture is constantly changing.

但是文化是在不断变化的。

I have beautiful twin nieces who are fifteen and live in Lagos.

我有两个美丽的侄女， 生活在拉各斯，刚满15岁。

If they had been born a hundred years ago

如果她俩出生在一百年之前

they would have been taken away and killed.

她们会被丢弃并杀死。

Because it was our culture, it was our culture to kill twins.

因为过去我们的文化是要杀掉双胞胎的。

So what is the point of culture?

所以文化的点在哪里？

I mean there's the decorative,

我的意思是文化包含了建筑装饰，

the dancing ...

舞蹈等等

but also, culture really is about preservation and continuity of a people.

但是同时，文化真实的意思是 对人的保护和传承

In my family,

在我家，

I am the child who is most interested in the story of who we are,

我是对于家族的历史，我们的文化传统，

in our traditions,

以及我们先辈土地上的故事，

in the knowledge about ancestral lands.

最感兴趣的一个。

My brothers are not as interested as I am.

我的兄弟没有我这么有兴趣。

But I cannot participate,

但是我不能参加氏族会议，

I cannot go to umunna meetings,

我没法旁听，

I cannot have a say.

我也无权发言。

Because I'm female.

因为我是女性。

Culture does not make people,

文化不会塑造人，

people make culture.

人创造文化。

So if it is in fact true --

如果这是真的——

(Applause)

（掌声）

So if it is in fact true

如果我们的文化中

that the full humanity of women is not our culture,

真的没有把女性当作完整的人来看待，

then we must make it our culture.

那么我们需要创造这样的文化。

I think very often of my dear friend, Okoloma Maduewesi.

我时常想起我的朋友， Okoloma Maduewesi。

May he and all the others who passed away in that Sosoliso crash

希望他和其他所有在 Sosoliso 空难中逝去的人

continue to rest in peace.

能够安息。

He will always be remembered by those of us who loved him.

他将被爱他的人永远铭记。

And he was right that day many years ago when he called me a feminist.

是他第一次叫我女权主义者， 而且他说的没错。

I am a feminist.

我就是一个女权主义者。

And when I looked up the word in the dictionary that day,

那天我打开字典查阅这个词，

this is what it said:

字典里这么写道：

"Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political

“女权主义者：一个相信在性别上，社会地位、”

and economic equality of the sexes."

“政治地位、经济地位平等的人。”

My great grandmother, from the stories I've heard,

我的曾外婆，从我听到的故事里，

was a feminist.

她是是女权主义者。

She ran away from the house of the man she did not want to marry

她因为不想跟不喜欢的男人结婚而出走，

and ended up marrying the man of her choice.

并最终跟自己爱的男人结婚。

She refused, she protested, she spoke up

她抗拒，她斗争，她直言不讳

whenever she felt she was being deprived of access, of land, that sort of thing.

每当她觉得自己的权利被剥夺时都是如此。

My great grandmother did not know that word "feminist,"

我的曾外婆那时候不知道“女权主义者”这个词。

but it doesn't mean that she wasn't one.

但是她确实是女权主义者。

More of us should reclaim that word.

我们应该更多的把这个词汇用起来。

My own definition of feminist is:

我对女权主义的定义是：

"A feminist is a man or a woman

“女权主义者是一个男人或女人，

who says --

主张——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

A feminist is a man or a woman who says,

“女权主义者是一个男人或女人，主张

"Yes, there's a problem with gender as it is today,

“是的，当今社会性别问题依然存在

and we must fix it.

而且我们要修复它。

We must do better."

我们可以做得更好。”

The best feminist I know

我知道的最优秀的女权主义者

is my brother Kene.

是我的哥哥Kene。

He's also a kind, good-looking, lovely man,

他是一个和善、英俊、可爱的男人，

and he's very masculine.

而且他非常有男子气概。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）