Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: We should all be feminists | TED

譯者: Ming Lee 審譯者: Yanyan Hong

So I would like to start by telling you about one of my greatest friends,

今天我想從我最好的朋友開始講起，

Okoloma Maduewesi.

他名子是奧克拉荷馬．瑪督韋希。

Okoloma lived on my street

奧克拉荷馬住在我街上，

and looked after me like a big brother.

像位大哥那樣照顧我。

If I liked a boy, I would ask Okoloma's opinion.

如果我喜歡上一個男生， 我會徵詢奧克拉荷馬的意見。

Okoloma died in the notorious Sosoliso plane crash

他死於奈及利亞惡名昭彰的 「索索利索航空公司」空難事件中，

in Nigeria in December of 2005.

時間是 2005 年 12 月。

Almost exactly seven years ago.

至今已經快七年了。

Okoloma was a person I could argue with, laugh with and truly talk to.

我跟他無所不談， 他是我真正可以談心的朋友。

He was also the first person to call me a feminist.

也是第一個稱我為 「女權主義者」的人。

I was about fourteen, we were at his house, arguing.

那時我 14 歲， 在他的家為某些事在爭論。

Both of us bristling with half bit knowledge

為了書中的事爭得面紅耳赤， 彼此都是一知半解。

from books that we had read.

I don't remember what this particular argument was about,

我已忘了當時吵的是什麼，

but I remember that as I argued and argued,

但是我記得在爭論過程中 他看著我說：

Okoloma looked at me and said, "You know, you're a feminist."

「知道嗎？妳真的是個女權主義者！」

It was not a compliment.

那不是誇獎。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I could tell from his tone,

從他的語氣我就知道，

the same tone that you would use to say something like,

大概類似於你們會用來說

"You're a supporter of terrorism."

「妳是恐怖主義的支持者」那樣。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I did not know exactly what this word "feminist" meant,

我當時不了解 「女權主義者」真正的意思，

and I did not want Okoloma to know that I did not know.

更不想讓他知道我不懂那個字眼。

So I brushed it aside, and I continued to argue.

所以我沒接他的話， 繼續爭論之前的話。

And the first thing I planned to do when I got home

等我回家後做的第一件事，

was to look up the word "feminist" in the dictionary.

就是查字典裡「女權主義者」的意思。

Now fast forward to some years later,

現在讓我把時間往後快轉幾年，

I wrote a novel about a man who among other things beats his wife

我寫了一本描述 一個男人毆打老婆的書，

and whose story doesn't end very well.

主角最後的下場不是很好。

While I was promoting the novel in Nigeria,

當我在奈及利亞為小說進行宣傳時，

a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man,

有位好心善良的記者，

told me he wanted to advise me.

告訴我他想給我一點建議。

And for the Nigerians here,

我想在座的奈及利亞人

I'm sure we're all familiar

一定都很了解那種不請自來

with how quick our people are to give unsolicited advice.

熱於提供建議的人速度有多快；

He told me that people were saying that my novel was feminist

他說人們覺得我的小說是女權主義。

and his advice to me --

並且他建議我，

and he was shaking his head sadly as he spoke --

搖著頭帶點悲傷的說，

was that I should never call myself a feminist

我不應該再提及自己是個女權主義者，

because feminists are women who are unhappy

因為女權主義者都是不開心的女人，

because they cannot find husbands.

因為她們找不到丈夫。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So I decided to call myself "a happy feminist."

所以我決定自稱為 「快樂的女權主義者」。

Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me

然後又有一位奈及利亞的 女性學者告訴我，

that feminism was not our culture

女權主義不是我們的文化，

and that feminism wasn't African,

女權主義也不是非洲的。

and that I was calling myself a feminist

她說我自稱女權主義者的原因

because I had been corrupted by "Western books."

是因為我被「西方的書」腐化了。

Which amused me,

她說的話讓我啼笑皆非，

because a lot of my early readings were decidedly unfeminist.

因為我以前讀的書 絕大多數與女權主義無關。

I think I must have read every single Mills & Boon romance published

我在 16 歲以前幾乎已讀完

「米爾思·布恩出版社」的 每一本浪漫小說。

before I was sixteen.

And each time I tried to read those books

每當我閱讀那些關於 「女權主義寶典」書籍的時候，

called "the feminist classics,"

I'd get bored, and I really struggled to finish them.

我都會覺得很無聊，很難唸完。

But anyway, since feminism was un-African,

但是不管怎樣， 既然女權主義不是非洲的，

I decided that I would now call myself "a happy African feminist."

所以現在我都自稱 是「快樂的非洲女權主義者」，

At some point I was a happy African feminist who does not hate men

過去某段日子我並不討厭男人， 我是快樂的非洲女權主義者，

and who likes lip gloss

也喜歡擦口紅，

and who wears high heels for herself but not for men.

隨興為自己穿高跟鞋， 而不是穿給男人看。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Of course a lot of this was tongue-in-cheek,

當然上述許多都是玩笑話，

but that word feminist is so heavy with baggage, negative baggage.

但是「女權主義者」本身這個字眼 帶有很沉重、很負面的包袱。

You hate men, you hate bras,

好比是「妳討厭男人， 妳不喜歡穿胸罩，

you hate African culture, that sort of thing.

妳厭惡非洲文化」那些觀念。

Now here's a story from my childhood.

我要講一個小時候的故事。

When I was in primary school,

當我上小學的時候，

my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test

開學時我的老師說會有一個考試，

and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor.

誰的分數最高誰就可以當班長。

Now, class monitor was a big deal.

你也知道，當班長是件了不起的事。

If you were a class monitor,

假如你是班長，

you got to write down the names of noisemakers --

你就可以把講話的名字登記下來。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

which was having enough power of its own.

那個權力可大。

But my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand

而且我的老師還會給班長拿根教鞭，

while you walk around and patrol the class for noisemakers.

讓他拿著教鞭在班上 走動監督搗亂的人。

Now, of course you were not actually allowed to use the cane.

當然，使用教鞭打人是不被允許的。

But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me.

不過對 9 歲的我實在很有激勵，

I very much wanted to be the class monitor.

因為我非常想當班長。

And I got the highest score on the test.

而且我也考上第一名的成績。

Then, to my surprise, my teacher said that the monitor had to be a boy.

聽到老師說： 「班長必須是個男生」我非常訝異。

She had forgotten to make that clear earlier

她早該在考試前就先說清楚才對， 但是她以為大家都知道。

because she assumed it was ... obvious.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

A boy had the second highest score on the test,

成績第二名的是位男孩，

and he would be monitor.

結果他變成了班長。

Now, what was even more interesting about this

更有意思的是：

is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul

那個男孩個性善良又溫和，

who had no interest in patrolling the class with the cane,

對於拿著教鞭在班上巡邏毫無興趣，

while I was full of ambition to do so.

而我則充滿野心渴望當班長，

But I was female and he was male,

但我是女生他是男生，

and so he became the class monitor.

所以他當上了班長。

And I've never forgotten that incident.

這件事情我一輩子忘不了。

I often make the mistake of thinking

這是我常犯的錯誤想法：

that something that is obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else.

總是以為我懂的道理，別人應該也懂。

Now, take my dear friend Louis

舉我的好朋友路易士為例。

for example.

Louis is a brilliant, progressive man,

他是位聰明上進的男人，

and we would have conversations and he would tell me,

會在我們聊天的時候說：

"I don't know what you mean by things being different or harder for women.

「我不懂妳為什麼總是說 事情對女人而言不同且更難。

Maybe in the past, but not now."

也許過去情況是那樣， 但現在已經不同了。」

And I didn't understand how Louis could not see what seems so self-evident.

我不理解他怎麼會看不清楚 那些不言而喻的事情。

Then one evening, in Lagos, Louis and I went out with friends.

有天晚上我跟他 在拉哥斯市與朋友聚會。

And for people here who are not familiar with Lagos,

在座可能有人不太熟悉拉哥斯市，

there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture,

這個城市有個特別美的地方，

the sprinkling of energetic men who hang around outside establishments

就是這裡的人 散佈在各處且充滿活力，

and very dramatically "help" you park your car.

會很熱心地「幫」你泊車。

I was impressed with the particular theatrics

我那天傍晚對幫我們 找到停車位的男士，

of the man who found us a parking spot that evening.

戲劇性的舉止感到非常滿意。

And so as we were leaving, I decided to leave him a tip.

所以當我下車後， 決定給他一點小費。

I opened my bag,

於是我打開皮包，

put my hand inside my bag,

把手伸進裡面，

brought out my money that I had earned from doing my work,

拿出我的錢，這是我工作賺來的錢。

and I gave it to the man.

然後給了那個男士，

And he, this man who was very grateful and very happy,

這個男士很感激也很開心，

took the money from me,

從我手裡把錢拿過去，

looked across at Louis

然後把轉向路易士說：

and said, "Thank you, sir!"

(Laughter)

「謝謝您，先生！」

（笑聲）

Louis looked at me, surprised,

路易士很驚訝的看著我說：

and asked, "Why is he thanking me? I didn't give him the money."

「他為什麼謝我？又不是我給的錢。」

Then I saw realization dawn on Louis' face.

然後我看到路易士 臉上恍然大悟的樣子。

The man believed that whatever money I had

那個男士一定是這樣想；

had ultimately come from Louis.

我的錢肯定都是來自身旁的路易士，

Because Louis is a man.

因為路易士是男的；

Men and women are different.

男人和女人是不同的。

We have different hormones, we have different sexual organs,

我們有不同的荷爾蒙， 和不同的性器官，

we have different biological abilities.

在生理能力上也各有差別。

Women can have babies, men can't.

女人可以生孩子，男人不行。

At least not yet.

至少現在不行。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Men have testosterone and are in general physically stronger than women.

男人有睾丸酮， 通常身體比女人強壯。

There's slightly more women than men in the world,

世界上女人的數量 比男人稍微多一些，

about 52 percent of the world's population is female.

全球的女性大概占了 52%，

But most of the positions of power and prestige are occupied by men.

但有權力與聲望的 絕大部分都是男性。

The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate,

最近獲得諾貝爾和平獎的肯亞籍得主；

Wangari Maathai,

旺加里．馬塔伊

put it simply and well when she said:

她闡述的非常簡明：

"The higher you go, the fewer women there are."

「爬得越高，女性就越少。」

In the recent US elections we kept hearing of the Lilly Ledbetter law,

我們在最近的美國大選中不時聽到 「莉莉—萊柏特合理工資法」，

and if we go beyond the nicely alliterative name of that law,

如果深入去了解， 會發現它的命名原意，

it was really about a man and a woman

分別指的是「一個男人和一個女人」；

doing the same job, being equally qualified,

兩者的工作內容和資格都一樣，

and the man being paid more because he's a man.

但是男的卻獲得較多的薪資， 原因只是因為他是「男性」。

So in the literal way, men rule the world,

所以實務上來看掌控世界的是男性，

and this made sense a thousand years ago

而且數千年以來都是理所當然，

because human beings lived then in a world

因為人類當初的生存環境，

in which physical strength was the most important attribute for survival.

體格強壯是當時首要的生存條件，

The physically stronger person was more likely to lead,

所以身體強壯的人才可能做領袖，

而男性身體普遍較為強壯。

and men, in general, are physically stronger.

Of course there are many exceptions.

當然也有很多例外。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But today we live in a vastly different world.

但是今天我們生活在大不同的世界。

The person more likely to lead is not the physically stronger person;

體格強壯已不再是當領袖的條件，

it is the more creative person, the more intelligent person,

而是富有創造力和智慧，

the more innovative person,

能夠創新的人，

and there are no hormones for those attributes.

這些特質並非由荷爾蒙來決定。

A man is as likely as a woman to be intelligent,

在智力上男性與女性都一樣，

to be creative, to be innovative.

在創造和革新上亦是如此。

We have evolved;

我們已經進化，

but it seems to me that our ideas of gender had not evolved.

但是性別觀念依舊是停滯不進。

Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby of one of the best Nigerian hotels.

之前，我走進奈及利亞一家酒店大廳，

I thought about naming the hotel, but I thought I probably shouldn't.

想一下要不要說出它的店名，算了。

And a guard at the entrance stopped me and asked me annoying questions,

門口的警衛攔住我 並問了些惱人的事，

because their automatic assumption is

因為他們很自然的認為，

that a Nigerian female walking into a hotel alone is a sex worker.

一個獨自進入酒店的奈及利亞女人 必定是個妓女。

And by the way,

順便問一下，

why do these hotels focus on the ostensible supply

為什麼這些酒店 只在乎提供沒用的用品，

rather than the demand for sex workers?

何不乾脆直接提供性的服務呢？

In Lagos I cannot go alone into many "reputable" bars and clubs.

拉哥斯很多富有聲譽的酒吧和俱樂部 我是無法單獨進入的。

They just don't let you in if you're a woman alone,

他們就是不讓女性單獨進去，

you have to be accompanied by a man.

你必須有男人陪伴才能進去。

Each time I walk into a Nigerian restaurant with a man,

每次我帶男性 進入奈及利亞的餐廳，

the waiter greets the man and ignores me.

服務員只招呼男人， 卻忘了我的存在。

The waiters are products --

服務員是商品。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

At this some women felt like, "Yes! I thought that!"

女人對這點的反應好像是， 「是啊！我想也是！」

The waiters are products of a society

這些服務員是社會的產物，

that has taught them that men are more important than women.

社會教育他們男人比女人重要。

And I know that waiters don't intend any harm.

我也知道服務員無意冒犯我。

But it's one thing to know intellectually and quite another to feel it emotionally.

但是理性上的理解是一回事， 情緒上的感覺卻是另一回事。

Each time they ignore me, I feel invisible.

每次我被忽視， 就讓我感到不存在一樣。

I feel upset.

我感到很沮喪。

I want to tell them that I am just as human as the man,

我想告訴他們 我跟男人一樣也是人，

that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment.

我也值得被人感謝。

These are little things,

這些都是小事，

but sometimes it's the little things that sting the most.

但有時小事卻最令人傷痛。

And not long ago, I wrote an article

不久之前我寫了篇文章，

about what it means to be young and female in Lagos,

關於身為拉哥斯 年輕女性所代表的意義，

and the printers told me,

然後印刷商告訴說：

"It was so angry."

「那本書充滿怒氣哦。」

Of course it was angry!

當然真的是非常令人生氣的！

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I am angry.

我很生氣。

Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice.

今日性別差異仍是非常不公平。

We should all be angry.

我們都應該感到憤怒。

Anger has a long history of bringing about positive change;

歷史上憤怒曾帶來很多正面的改變。

but, in addition to being angry, I'm also hopeful.

但是除了憤怒之外，我也懷著希望。

Because I believe deeply in the ability of human beings

因為我深信人類的能力

to make and remake themselves for the better.

可以為了更好的未來 而去創造和改造。

Gender matters everywhere in the world,

全世界的性別問題都至關重要，

but I want to focus on Nigeria

但是我想聚焦於奈及利亞，

and on Africa in general,

以及整個非洲，

because it is where I know, and because it is where my heart is.

因為這是我的家鄉， 也是我心之所向。

And I would like today to ask

今天我想要求大家

that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world,

開始夢想和籌畫一個不一樣的世界，

a fairer world,

一個更公平的世界，

a world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves.

一個男人和女人都比現在更開心 和更真實的世界。

And this is how to start:

讓我們這樣開始做：

we must raise our daughters differently.

我們要用不同的方式教育女兒，

We must also raise our sons differently.

我們也要用不同的方式教育兒子。

We do a great disservice to boys on how we raise them;

我們養育男孩的方式 大大地幫了他們倒忙，

we stifle the humanity of boys.

抹煞了男孩的人性。

We define masculinity in a very narrow way,

把「大丈夫氣概」定義得很狹隘，

masculinity becomes this hard, small cage

把大丈夫氣概視為 一個堅固狹小的牢籠，

and we put boys inside the cage.

再把男孩關進去。

We teach boys to be afraid of fear.

我們教男孩害怕恐懼。

We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability.

我們教男孩害怕短處和脆弱。

We teach them to mask their true selves,

讓男孩隱藏自己真實的一面，

because they have to be, in Nigerian speak, "hard man!"

因為他們必須做一個 奈及利亞人所說的「硬漢」。

In secondary school, a boy and a girl, both of them teenagers,

同年紀的中學男孩和女孩，

兩者都是十來歲的年輕人，

both of them with the same amount of pocket money, would go out

兩者都有同樣多的零用錢在口袋裡，

and then the boy would be expected always to pay,

一起出去玩的時候， 總是讓男生付錢，

to prove his masculinity.

來讓他展現男子氣概。

And yet we wonder why boys are more likely to steal money from their parents.

而我們還在困惑 為何男生較會從家裡偷錢。

What if both boys and girls were raised

假如我們在養育男生和女生的時候

not to link masculinity with money?

不把金錢和男子氣概 聯想在一起，會怎樣？

What if the attitude was not "the boy has to pay"

如果我們把「男生付錢」的態度改成

but rather "whoever has more should pay?"

「誰錢多誰付錢」那麼又會怎樣？

Now, of course because of that historical advantage,

當然，由於歷史的優勢，

it is mostly men who will have more today,

大多情況下男人會比較富有一些，

but if we start raising children differently,

但是如果我們開始改變 教育孩子的方式，

then in fifty years, in a hundred years,

五十年後，一百年後，

boys will no longer have the pressure of having to prove this masculinity.

屆時男人將不再被迫 去證明自己的男子氣概。

But by far the worst thing we do to males,

但到目前為止， 教導他們覺得自己必須要做硬漢，

by making them feel that they have to be hard,

這件事最糟的結果是：

is that we leave them with very fragile egos.

我們留給他們一個非常脆弱的自我。

The more "hard man" the man feels compelled to be,

男人被迫成為硬漢的感覺越強烈，

the weaker his ego is.

他的自我就越脆弱。

And then we do a much greater disservice to girls

而我們又再用 更不親和的方式教育女孩，

because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of men.

因為我們教育她們 去迎合男人脆弱的自我，

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller,

我們教育女孩子收斂自己，

讓自己變得更卑微。

we say to girls,

對女生說：

"You can have ambition, but not too much."

「妳可以有野心，但是不要過多。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"You should aim to be successful, but not too successful,

「你要朝著成功努力，但不需要太成功，

otherwise you would threaten the man."

否則妳會威脅到男人。」

If you are the breadwinner in your relationship with a man,

如果妳是負責養家糊口的人，

you have to pretend that you're not,

妳就要假裝沒老公賺得多，

especially in public,

尤其是公開場合，

otherwise you will emasculate him.

不然會讓妳的男人喪失男子氣概。

But what if we question the premise itself?

但是如果我們質疑這個前提呢？

Why should a woman's success be a threat to a man?

為什麼一個女人事業有成 就會威脅到男人了呢？

What if we decide to simply dispose of that word,

為什麼我們不直接拋棄那個字，

and I don't think there's an English word I dislike more than "emasculation."

那個我最不喜歡的英文字：「閹割」

A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me

有位奈及利亞的舊識問我

if I was worried that men would be intimidated by me.

是否擔心自己會嚇到男人？

I was not worried at all.

我根本不會擔心。

In fact, it had not occurred to me to be worried

事實上我從未擔心過，

because a man who would be intimidated by me

因為會被我嚇到的男人，

is exactly the kind of man I would have no interest in.

絕對不是我喜歡的菜。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

But still I was really struck by this.

但是我還是會對這件事受到打擊。

Because I'm female, I'm expected to aspire to marriage;

因為我是女性， 我被要求以婚姻為重。

I'm expected to make my life choices

我被期待在做出人生抉擇的時候，

always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important.

總是要以婚姻為優先的考慮。

A marriage can be a good thing;

婚姻可以是好事；

it can be a source of joy and love and mutual support.

婚姻是愛與快樂、互相支援的來源。

But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage

但是為何我們只教育女兒追求婚姻，

and we don't teach boys the same?

而沒教育男孩同樣的婚姻觀？

I know a woman who decided to sell her house

我認識一個賣掉自己房子的女人，

because she didn't want to intimidate a man who might marry her.

因為她不希望嚇到打算娶她的男人。

I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria who, when she goes to conferences,

我認識一位單身的奈及利亞的女性，

每次開會時， 手上都會戴枚結婚戒指，

wears a wedding ring

because according to her,

因為她說：

she wants the other participants in the conference to "give her respect."

她希望其他與會的人「尊重她」。

I know young women who are under so much pressure

我知道年輕女人的壓力都很大，

from family, from friends, even from work to get married,

親朋好友甚至同儕都逼著她結婚，

and they're pushed to make terrible choices.

結果她們被迫做出糟糕的選擇。

A woman at a certain age who is unmarried,

一個女人到了一定年齡還沒嫁出去，

our society teaches her to see it as a deep, personal failure.

輿論會讓她覺得 這是極大的個人失敗。

And a man at a certain age who is unmarried,

然而一個男人到了 一定年齡還沒有結婚，

we just think he hasn't come around to making his pick.

大家只會說他還沒遇到合適的對象。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It's easy for us to say,

我們都可以很輕鬆地說：

"Oh, but women can just say no to all of this."

「哦，但女人也可以拒絕這些啊。」

But the reality is more difficult and more complex.

但是現實比這更複雜、更困難。

We're all social beings.

我們都是社會的一份子。

We internalize ideas from our socialization.

我們把社會的看法加以內化。

Even the language we use

甚至我們使用的語言，

in talking about marriage and relationships illustrates this.

當討論婚姻時，描述婚姻關係時，

The language of marriage is often the language of ownership

談的都是「所有權」的話語，

rather than the language of partnership.

而非「夥伴關係」的語言。

We use the word "respect"

我們使用「尊重」這個字，

to mean something a woman shows a man

來形容女人對男人的態度

but often not something a man shows a woman.

而常常不是男人對女人的態度。

Both men and women in Nigeria will say --

奈及利亞的男女都會說

this is an expression I'm very amused by --

──這個說法讓我啼笑皆非──

"I did it for peace in my marriage."

「我這樣做是為了婚姻的和諧。」

Now, when men say it,

但輪到男人這麼說的時候，

it is usually about something that they should not be doing anyway.

通常是指的是「不該」做的事。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Sometimes they say it to their friends,

有時男人會對朋友那樣說，

it's something to say to their friends in a kind of fondly exasperated way,

那些與朋友交談時的話題， 用一種既憐愛又惱怒的口氣，

you know, something that ultimately proves how masculine they are,

就是那種最能夠男子氣概的口吻，

how needed, how loved.

多麼享受那種被人依賴與關愛的感覺。

"Oh, my wife said I can't go to the club every night,

「呃，我妻子叫我不要每晚來俱樂部，

so for peace in my marriage, I do it only on weekends."

所以為了這個家我只能週末才來。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, when a woman says, "I did it for peace in my marriage,"

是當女人說； 「我是為了這個家」的時候，

she's usually talking about giving up a job,

通常她指的是放棄一份工作，

a dream,

放棄夢想，

a career.

放棄事業。

We teach females that in relationships,

我們教育婦女為了婚姻，

compromise is what women do.

妥協是女人的本分。

We raise girls to see each other as competitors --

我們教導女兒們視彼此為競爭者

not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing,

──不是為了工作或成就的競爭，

我視這種競爭為好事──

but for attention of men.

而是為了吸引男人。

We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings

我們告訴女孩子不能打扮得太火辣，

in the way that boys are.

不可像男人那樣。

If we have sons, we don't mind knowing about our sons' girlfriends.

如果是兒子的女朋友， 我們就不會介意。

But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.

但如果是女兒的男朋友？ 那可就上帝也不容了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But of course when the time is right,

當然，到了適合的時間，

we expect those girls to bring back the perfect man to be their husbands.

我們期盼女兒帶回來的 是一個可做她的丈夫的完美男人。

We police girls, we praise girls for virginity,

我們約束女兒保持童貞，

but we don't praise boys for virginity,

但我們不要求男孩保持童貞。

and it's always made me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out because ...

讓我好奇的是 這種事要怎樣才行得通呢？因為──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I mean, the loss of virginity is usually a process that involves ...

我的意思是 失去童貞的過程通常需要──

Recently a young woman was gang raped in a university in Nigeria,

最近一名奈及利亞大學的女生被輪姦，

I think some of us know about that.

我想有些人可能聽說了。

And the response of many young Nigerians, both male and female,

然後很多奈及利亞的男女反應是，

was something along the lines of this:

類似這樣：

"Yes, rape is wrong.

「沒錯，強姦是不對的。

But what is a girl doing in a room with four boys?"

但是為什麼一個女孩 會和四個男生同處一室呢？」

Now, if we can forget the horrible inhumanity of that response,

暫且不談那種可怕又殘酷的反應，

these Nigerians have been raised to think of women as inherently guilty,

奈及利亞人已被教育成 女人與生有罪，

and they have been raised to expect so little of men

他們的也被養育成 不要對男性期望太高，

that the idea of men as savage beings without any control

男性做出失控不理性的獸行，

is somehow acceptable.

總是可以理解的。

We teach girls shame.

我們教育女性要懂得廉恥，

"Close your legs." "Cover yourself."

「把腿夾緊」， 「別穿得那麼暴露」。

We make them feel as though by being born female

我們把女孩弄得好像身為女人，

they're already guilty of something.

天生就是有罪的。

And so, girls grow up to be women

因此，女孩長大成女人後，

who cannot see they have desire.

我們見不得她們有慾望。

They grow up to be women who silence themselves.

她們最好閉上嘴巴。

They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think,

她們長大後不能說出自己內心的話，

and they grow up --

她們長大後──

and this is the worst thing we did to girls --

這是我們對女孩 做的最糟糕的事情──

they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form.

她們長大後把這種虛偽當成是藝術。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I know a woman who hates domestic work,

我認識一個很討厭做家事的女人，

she just hates it,

她就是不喜歡做家事，

but she pretends that she likes it,

但是她假裝成很喜歡，

because she's been taught that to be "good wife material"

因為她從小被教育要當個「好老婆」，

she has to be -- to use that Nigerian word --

用奈及利亞的話來說，

very "homely."

她不得不表現得非常「居家」。

And then she got married,

等到她結了婚，

and after a while her husband's family began to complain that she had changed.

沒多久她的婆家開始抱怨她人變了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Actually, she had not changed,

實際上她沒變，

she just got tired of pretending.

她只是演得累了。

The problem with gender,

關於「性別」的問題，

is that it prescribes how we should be

出在我們對它設下了 「應該是甚麼」的規定，

rather than recognizing how we are.

而不是去理解我們「如何做」。

Now imagine how much happier we would be,

想像如果能做真正的自己

how much freer to be our true individual selves,

會有多快樂、多自由，

if we didn't have the weight of gender expectations.

免除掉性別帶來的包袱。

Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically,

男性和女性生理上 毫無疑問是有差異的，

but socialization exaggerates the differences

但是社會誇大了這種差異性，

and then it becomes a self-fulfilling process.

使它轉變成一種自我實現的過程。

Now, take cooking for example.

我們拿烹飪為例；

Today women in general are more likely to do the housework than men,

現代的女人比男人 要負擔更多的家務，

the cooking and cleaning.

例如烹飪和打掃。

But why is that?

但是為什麼是那樣呢？

Is it because women are born with a cooking gene?

難不成女人生來就有烹飪的基因嗎？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Or because over years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role?

還是說經過多年社會化以後，

她們已經視烹飪為女性的天職？

Actually, I was going to say that maybe women are born with a cooking gene,

我一直以為女人的確具有烹飪的基因，

until I remember that the majority of the famous cooks in the world,

直到我憶起世上知名的大廚，

whom we give the fancy title of "chefs,"

那些我們給他戴上「大廚」帽子的人，

are men.

卻多數是「男性」。

I used to look up to my grandmother

我過去非常敬仰我外婆，

who was a brilliant, brilliant woman,

她是位非常睿智的女人，

and wonder how she would have been

我很好奇在她成長過程中，

if she had the same opportunities as men when she was growing up.

如果像男性有同樣的機會，她會怎麼樣。

Now today, there are many more opportunities for women

今天的女人有了很多機會，

than there were during my grandmother's time

比我外婆那一代還要多，

because of changes in policy, changes in law,

歸功於政策和法律的改變，

all of which are very important.

所有改變都很重要。

But what matters even more is our attitude, our mindset,

但是更重要的是我們的態度和思維，

what we believe and what we value about gender.

對於性別的信念和價值觀。

What if in raising children

如果我們撫養孩子時， 多關注能力而不是性別？

we focus on ability instead of gender?

What if in raising children we focus on interest instead of gender?

如果我們關注於興趣而不是性別呢？

I know a family who have a son and a daughter,

我認識的某一家人，有一男一女，

both of whom are brilliant at school,

兒女在學校表現都很好，

who are wonderful, lovely children.

都是很討人喜歡的孩子。

When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl,

當兒子餓了的時候， 父母會對女兒說：

"Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother."

「去給你哥哥下碗印尼泡麵吃。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, the daughter doesn't particularly like to cook Indomie noodles,

這個女兒並不特別喜歡印尼泡麵了，

but she's a girl, and so she has to.

但是因為她是女孩，她不得不做。

Now, what if the parents,

現在，如果這對父母，

from the beginning,

從一開始，

taught both the boy and the girl to cook Indomie?

教導兒子和女兒 都去學煮印尼式泡麵呢？

Cooking, by the way, is a very useful skill for boys to have.

順便說一下； 煮飯對男生也是非常重要的技能。

I've never thought it made sense to leave such a crucial thing,

我從來不覺得這樣有道理：

把餵飽一個人這樣重要的能力

the ability to nourish oneself --

(Laughter)

交由他人代勞，

in the hands of others.

(Applause)

（笑聲）（掌聲）

I know a woman who has the same degree and the same job as her husband.

我認識一個女人， 學歷和工作跟她的丈夫都一樣，

When they get back from work, she does most of the housework,

下班回家後，大部分家務都由她來做，

which I think is true for many marriages.

我相信大部分婚姻都是如此。

But what struck me about them

但是真正讓我震驚的是；

was that whenever her husband changed the baby's diaper,

每當她丈夫替孩子換尿片的時候，

she said "thank you" to him.

她都會跟老公說「謝謝你。」

Now, what if she saw this as perfectly normal and natural

現在，如果她把這件事視為理所當然呢？

that he should, in fact, care for his child?

老公不是都應該照顧自己的孩子嗎？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I'm trying to unlearn many of the lessons of gender

我一直想忘記有關性別差異的教導，

那些成長過程中 已然內化而帶來的教訓。

that I internalized when I was growing up.

But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable in the face of gender expectations.

但當面對性別期望時， 有時我仍會感到脆弱。

The first time I taught a writing class in graduate school,

當我第一次在研究所 指導寫作的時候，

I was worried.

我很擔心。

I wasn't worried about the material I would teach

但不是擔心教材的問題，

because I was well-prepared,

因為我的教材準備得很充分，

and I was going to teach what I enjoy teaching.

而且我非常喜歡教書的工作。

Instead, I was worried about what to wear.

讓我擔心的反而是 穿甚麼衣服的問題。

I wanted to be taken seriously.

我很希望被嚴肅地看待。

I knew that because I was female

因為我知道自己是女性，

I will automatically have to prove my worth.

我必須主動的證明自己的價值。

And I was worried that if I looked too feminine,

我擔心如果我穿得太女性化，

I would not be taken seriously.

我會被人輕視。

I really wanted to wear my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt,

我真的很想擦上閃亮的唇膏， 和穿那些很有女人味的裙子，

but I decided not to.

但是我決定算了。

Instead, I wore a very serious,

相反的我穿了一件非常正式的，

very manly and very ugly suit.

很男性化、很醜陋的套裝。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Because the sad truth is that when it comes to appearance

因為可悲的是，當牽涉到衣著時，

we start off with men as the standard, as the norm.

我們必須以男人的標準為規範。

If a man is getting ready for a business meeting,

如果是男人在準備參加業務會議，

he doesn't worry about looking too masculine

他不需要擔心是否穿得太男性化

and therefore not being taken for granted.

以致被人佔便宜。

If a woman has to get ready for business meeting,

但是當女人準備參加業務會議時，

she has to worry about looking too feminine

她必須注意不要穿得太女性化，

and what it says and whether or not she will be taken seriously.

免得別人不嚴肅地看待她。

I wish I had not worn that ugly suit that day.

我真希望那天沒穿那件醜陋的套裝。

I've actually banished it from my closet, by the way.

順便提一下，我已經 從衣櫃取出那套裝扔了。

Had I then the confidence that I have now to be myself,

假如當時我有現在的自信 做真正的自己，

my students would have benefited even more from my teaching,

我的學生可以學得更多，

because I would have been more comfortable

因為我會更自在、

and more fully and more truly myself.

更完整、更真實地呈現自我。

I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness

我已決定不再為我的女性化

和女權主張而道歉。

and for my femininity.

(Applause)

（掌聲）

And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness

而且我希望我的女性特點得到尊重，

because I deserve to be.

因為我值得被尊重。

Gender is not an easy conversation to have.

性別差異不是很好談的話題，

For both men and women,

無論男人或是女人，

to bring up gender is sometimes to encounter almost immediate resistance.

挑起性別話題 有時會遭到立即的反彈。

I can imagine some people here are actually thinking,

我能想像有些人現在實際的想法

"Women too do sef."

是「女人是自作自受。」

Some of the men here might be thinking,

在座的某些男性可能會想：

"OK, all of this is interesting,

「好吧，聽起來很有道理，

but I don't think like that."

但是我不這麼想。」

And that is part of the problem.

而這就是部分問題之所在。

That many men do not actively think about gender

很多男人並不會主動思考性別的問題

or notice gender

或注意性別本身，

is part of the problem of gender.

那就是性別問題的一部分。

That many men, say, like my friend Louis,

很多男人，就像我的朋友路易士，

that everything is fine now.

認為現在一切都不錯啊。

And that many men do nothing to change it.

很多男人不想改變現狀。

If you are a man and you walk into a restaurant with a woman

如果你是一個帶著 女人進入餐廳的男人，

and the waiter greets only you,

如果服務員只跟你接待你，

does it occur to you to ask the waiter,

你有沒有問過服務員：

"Why haven't you greeted her?"

「為什麼你沒招待她？」

Because gender can be --

因為性別可以──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Actually, we may repose part of a longer version of this talk.

也許我們可以休息一下， 這場演講真的很長。

So, because gender can be a very uncomfortable conversation to have,

因為談論性別問題 可能令人非常不舒服，

there are very easy ways to close it, to close the conversation.

有一個簡單方法能化解它。

So some people will bring up evolutionary biology and apes,

有些人可能會提出進化論和猩猩，

how, you know, female apes bow down to male apes

你知道雌性猩猩 會向雄性猩猩彎腰低頭，

and that sort of thing.

諸如此類。

But the point is we're not apes.

但重點是：我們不是猩猩。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Apes also live on trees and have earthworms for breakfast,

猩猩生活在樹上，吃蚯蚓當早飯，

and we don't.

我們不然。

Some people will say, "Well, poor men also have a hard time."

有人會反駁說： 「窮男人也過得很辛苦。」

And this is true.

這的確是。

But that is not what this --

但那與這毫不相干──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But this is not what this conversation is about.

但那不是我們在此討論的主題。

Gender and class are different forms of oppression.

性別和社會階級 都是被壓抑的不同形式。

I actually learned quite a bit about systems of oppression

實際上我學到許多 有關系統性壓抑的事，

and how they can be blind to one another

還有他們彼此如何無視對方的存在，

by talking to black men.

這是經由與黑人男士們 對談而學來的。

I was once talking to a black man about gender

我曾跟一位黑人男性 談論性別的問題，

and he said to me,

他問我：

"Why do you have to say 'my experience as a woman'?

「妳為什麼一定要說『身為女人的經歷』？

Why can't it be

為什麼不說妳『身為人類的經驗』？」

'your experience as a human being'?"

Now, this was the same man

現在說這話的人

who would often talk about his experience as a black man.

常提到自己身為黑人男人的事。

Gender matters.

性別有差異的！

Men and women experience the world differently.

男人與女人對世界的體認是不同的。

Gender colors the way we experience the world.

性別讓我們使用有色眼光去看世界。

But we can change that.

但是我們可以改變。

Some people will say,

有人會說：

"Oh, but women have the real power,

「但是女人有真正的力量，

bottom power."

屁股的力量。」

And for non-Nigerians, bottom power is an expression

我來解釋一下， 以奈及利亞的語言來表達，

which I suppose means something like a woman

「屁股力量」有點像 女人利用她的魅力

who uses her sexuality to get favors from men.

吸引並從男人身上牟取利益的意思。

But bottom power is not power at all.

但是屁股力量根本不是什麼力量。

Bottom power means that a woman

屁股力量只是意味著一個女人

simply has a good root to tap into, from time to time --

有時候有借助別人力量的基礎而已。

somebody else's power.

And then, of course, we have to wonder

然後，我們一定會好奇，

what happens when that somebody else is in a bad mood,

如果那個人情緒很差、

or sick

生病，或是無能，會怎樣？

or impotent.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Some people will say that a woman being subordinate to a man is our culture.

有人說女人屈服於男人 是我們的文化。

But culture is constantly changing.

但是文化是不斷地改變的。

I have beautiful twin nieces who are fifteen and live in Lagos.

我有兩個芳齡十五，美麗的 雙胞胎侄女住在拉哥斯。

If they had been born a hundred years ago

如果她倆出生在一百年之前，

they would have been taken away and killed.

她們會被帶走並被殺掉。

Because it was our culture, it was our culture to kill twins.

因為過去那是我們的文化， 殺死雙胞胎是我們過去的文化。

So what is the point of culture?

那麼文化的重點在哪裡呢？

I mean there's the decorative,

文化有很多的裝飾性，

the dancing ...

像是各種的舞蹈等等。

but also, culture really is about preservation and continuity of a people.

但此同時，

文化真正的意義是保護人和傳承。

In my family,

我是家中最有興趣聽人述說

I am the child who is most interested in the story of who we are,

關於我們是誰、關於傳統，

in our traditions,

in the knowledge about ancestral lands.

還有祖傳有關這片土地的知識。

My brothers are not as interested as I am.

我的兄弟不像我那麼有興趣。

But I cannot participate,

可是我不能參與，

I cannot go to umunna meetings,

我不能參加族人會議，

I cannot have a say.

我也無權發言。

Because I'm female.

因為我是女性。

Culture does not make people,

文化不會製造出人，

people make culture.

人類創造文化。

So if it is in fact true --

所以實際上真的是這樣，

(Applause)

（掌聲）

So if it is in fact true

所以如果實際上真的是

that the full humanity of women is not our culture,

女性的完整人權不屬於我們的文化，

then we must make it our culture.

那我們就必須把它變成我們的文化。

I think very often of my dear friend, Okoloma Maduewesi.

我常常想起我的朋友 奧克拉荷馬．瑪督韋希。

May he and all the others who passed away in that Sosoliso crash

祝福他和其他所有在 索索利索空難中逝去的人，

continue to rest in peace.

繼續得到安息。

He will always be remembered by those of us who loved him.

他永遠會被愛他的人懷念著。

And he was right that day many years ago when he called me a feminist.

他在幾年前的那一天是對的，

當時他第一次說我是女權主義者。

I am a feminist.

我是一個女權主義者。

And when I looked up the word in the dictionary that day,

那天我打開字典查閱這個字的時候，

this is what it said:

字典裡這麼寫道：

"Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political

「女權主義者：

一個相信在社會、政治

and economic equality of the sexes."

和經濟上，性別生而平等的人。」

My great grandmother, from the stories I've heard,

在我聽到的故事裡，我的曾祖母

was a feminist.

是位女權主義者。

She ran away from the house of the man she did not want to marry

她逃離不想嫁的那個男人的家，

and ended up marrying the man of her choice.

最終與自己選擇的男人結婚。

She refused, she protested, she spoke up

她拒絕、她抗議、她挺身而出，

whenever she felt she was being deprived of access, of land, that sort of thing.

每當她的土地權利被剝奪

或發生類似情形時，她都是如此。

My great grandmother did not know that word "feminist,"

我的曾祖母不曉得 「女權主義者」這個名詞，

but it doesn't mean that she wasn't one.

但是那不代表她不是女權主義者。

More of us should reclaim that word.

更多人應該再度主張這個詞彙。

My own definition of feminist is:

我個人對女權主義的定義是：

"A feminist is a man or a woman

「女權主義者是個男人或女人，

who says --

主張

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

A feminist is a man or a woman who says,

「女權主義者是那些勇於說出：

"Yes, there's a problem with gender as it is today,

『是的，當今社會性別問題依然存在，

and we must fix it.

而且我們必須糾正它，

We must do better."

我們必須做得更好』的男人或女人」。

The best feminist I know

我所認識最優秀的女權主義者

is my brother Kene.

是我的哥哥肯尼。

He's also a kind, good-looking, lovely man,

他也是個和善、瀟灑、可愛的男人，

and he's very masculine.

而且他非常有男子氣概。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）