The lies we tell pregnant women | Sofia Jawed-Wessel

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz

Translator: Enara Caride Reviewer: Xusto Rodriguez

We're going to share a lot of secrets today, you and I,

Hoxe imos compartir moitos segredos, vostedes e mais eu,

and in doing so, I hope that we can lift

e no entanto, espero que poidamos disipar

some of the shame many of us feel about sex.

parte da vergoña que moitos sentimos acerca do sexo.

How many here have ever been catcalled by a stranger?

Cantas de aquí recibiron algunha vez piropos dun estraño?

Lots of women.

Moitas mulleres.

For me, the time I remember best

No meu caso, a vez que mellor lembro

is when that stranger was a student of mine.

foi cando ese estraño resultou ser alumno meu.

He came up to me after class that night

Veu xunta min despois da clase esa noite

and his words confirmed what I already knew:

e as súas palabras confirmáronme o que xa sabía:

"I am so sorry, professor.

"Síntoo moito, profesora.

If I had known it was you, I would never have said those things."

Se chego a saber que era vostede, nunca lle diría esas cousas."

(Laughter)

(Risas)

I wasn't a person to him until I was his professor.

Para el, xamais fun unha persoa ata que me convertín na súa profesora.

This concept, called objectification,

Este concepto, chamado obxectualización,

is the foundation of sexism,

é a base do sexismo,

and we see it reinforced through every aspect of our lives.

e vémolo reforzado en cada aspecto das nosas vidas.

We see it in the government

Vémolo no goberno

that refuses to punish men

que se nega a castigar aos homes

for raping women.

por violaren mulleres.

We see it in advertisements.

Vémolo nos anuncios.

How many of you have seen an advertisement

Cantos de vostedes viron un anuncio

that uses a woman's breast to sell an entirely unrelated product?

que emprega un peito de muller para vender un produto que nada ten que ver?

Or movie after movie after movie

Ou películas e películas e películas

that portrays women as only love interests?

que retratan mulleres que só se interesan polo amor?

These examples might seem inconsequential and harmless,

Estes exemplos quizais semellen intranscendentes e inofensivos,

but they're insidious,

pero son perniciosos,

slowly building into a culture that refuses to see women as people.

contribuíndo lentamente a unha cultura que evita ver as mulleres como persoas.

We see this in the school that sends home a 10-year-old girl

Vémolo na escola que manda para a casa a unha nena de 10 anos

because her clothes were a distraction to boys trying to learn,

porque a súa roupa distraía aos rapaces que intentaban aprender,

or the government that refuses to punish men for raping women

ou no goberno que rexeita castigar a homes por violar mulleres

over and over,

unha e outra vez,

or the woman who is killed

ou na muller asasinada

because she asked a man to stop grinding on her on the dance floor.

por pedirlle a un home que deixara de pegarse a ela nunha pista de baile.

Media plays a large role in perpetuating the objectification of women.

Os medios xogan un papel relevante para perpetuar a obxectualización feminina

Let's consider the classic romantic comedy.

Pensemos na clásica comedia romántica.

We're typically introduced to two kinds of women in these movies,

Estas películas adoitan presentarnos dous tipos de muller,

two kinds of desirable women, anyway.

dous tipos desexables, en calquera caso.

The first is the sexy bombshell.

A primeira é a bomba sexy.

This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman with the perfect body.

Unha muller incriblemente fermosa e cun corpo perfecto.

Our leading man has no trouble identifying her

O noso protagonista non ten problema para identificala,

and even less trouble having sex with her.

e menos aínda para ter relacións sexuais con ela.

The second is our leading lady,

A segunda muller é a nosa protagonista,

the beautiful but demure woman our leading man falls in love with

a muller fermosa pero tímida da que se namora o protagonista masculino

despite not noticing her at first

aínda que ao principio nin se decataba dela,

or not liking her if he did.

ou non lle gustaba nadiña.

The first is the slut.

A primeira é a rameira.

She is to be consumed and forgotten.

Serve para ser consumida e esquecida.

She is much too available.

Está sempre dispoñible.

The second is desirable but modest,

A segunda é desexable mais humilde,

and therefore worthy of our leading man's future babies.

e, polo tanto, digna dos futuros bebés do noso protagonista.

Marriage material.

Material de matrimonio.

We're actually told that women have two roles,

Dinnos que as mulleres teñen dous roles,

but these two roles have a difficult time existing within the same woman.

mais dificilmente poden existir os dous nunha soa muller.

On the rare occasion that I share with a new acquaintance

Nas contadas ocasións en que lle conto a alguén que acabo de coñecer

that I study sex,

que estudo sobre sexo,

if they don't end the conversation right then,

se non corta a conversa nese mesmo intre,

they're usually pretty intrigued.

normalmente está bastante interesado.

"Oh. Tell me more."

"Oh. Cóntame máis."

So I do.

E fágoo.

"I'm really interested in studying the sexual behaviors

"Estou moi interesada en estudar o comportamento sexual

of pregnant and postpartum couples."

de parellas embarazadas e en posparto."

At this point I get a different kind of response.

Neste punto recibo unha resposta distinta.

(Laughter)

(Risas)

"Oh. Huh.

"Oh. Vaia.

Do pregnant people even have sex?

As embarazadas practican sexo?

Have you thought about studying sexual desire

Non pensaches en estudar sobre o desexo sexual

or orgasms?

ou os orgasmos?

That would be interesting, and sexy."

Iso sería interesante, e sexy."

Dicídeme. Cales son as primeiras palabras que se vos ocorren

Tell me. What are the first words that come to mind

when you picture a pregnant woman?

ao pensardes nunha muller embarazada?

I asked this question in a survey of over 500 adults,

Fíxenlle esta pregunta nunha enquisa a máis de 500 adultos,

and most responded with "belly" or "round"

e a maioría responderon "barriga" ou "redonda"

and "cute."

e "adorable."

This didn't surprise me too much.

Isto non me sorprendeu moito.

What else do we label as cute?

Que máis catalogamos como adorable?

Babies. Puppies. Kittens.

Bebés. Cachorriños. Gatiños.

The elderly. Right?

Anciáns, non si?

(Laughter)

(Risas)

When we label an adult as cute, though,

Cando catalogamos un adulto como adorable, pola contra,

we take away a lot of their intelligence,

quitámoslle gran parte da súa intelixencia,

their complexity.

da súa complexidade.

We reduce them to childlike qualities.

Reducímolo a características infantís.

I also asked heterosexual men

Tamén lles pedín a homes heterosexuais

to imagine a woman that they're partnered with is pregnant,

que imaxinasen que a muller coa que estaban era unha embarazada,

and then asked women to imagine that they are pregnant,

e logo pedinlles a mulleres que se imaxinasen embarazadas,

and then tell me the first words that come to mind

e despois me dixeran as primeiras palabras que pensaron

when they imagine having sex.

ao imaxinárense practicando sexo.

Most of the responses were negative.

A maioría das respostas foron negativas.

"Gross."

"Noxento."

"Awkward."

"Difícil."

"Not sexy." "Odd."

"Nada sexy." "Raro."

"Uncomfortable."

"Incómodo."

"How?"

"Como?"

(Laughter)

(Risas)

"Not worth the trouble." "Not worth the risk."

"Non paga a pena a molestia." "Non paga a pena o risco."

That last one really stuck with me.

Isto último marcoume especialmente.

We might think that because we divorce pregnant women and moms from sexuality,

Quizais pensemos que porque separamos as embarazadas e as nais da sexualidade,

we are removing the constraints of sexual objectification.

eliminamos as limitacións da obxectualización sexual.

They experience less sexism. Right?

Elas sofren menos sexismo. De acordo?

Not exactly.

Non exactamente.

What happens instead is a different kind of objectification.

O que sucede no seu lugar é outro tipo de obxectualización.

In my efforts to explain this to others,

Nos meus intentos de explicarlle isto a outros,

one conversation led to the Venus of Willendorf,

unha conversa levounos á Venus de Willendorf,

a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed was a goddess of love and beauty,

unha figuriña do Paleolítico considerada polos investigadores

a deusa do amor e da beleza,

hence the name Venus.

de aí o de Venus.

This theory was later revised, though,

Pero esta teoría revisouse máis tarde,

when scholars noted the sculptor's obvious focus

cando os investigadores notaron a obvia fixación do escultor

on the figurine's reproductive features:

nos atributos sexuais da figuriña:

large breasts, considered ideal for nursing;

grandes peitos, considerados ideais para aleitar;

a round, possibly pregnant belly;

Unha barriga redonda e posiblemente embarazada;

the remnants of red dye, alluding to menstruation or birth.

os restos de tintura vermella, aludindo á menstruación ou ao parto.

They also assumed that she was meant to be held or placed lying down

Tamén supuxeron que se fixera para ser collida ou depositala deitada

because her tiny feet don't allow her to be freestanding.

xa que os seus pequenos pés non lle permitirían aguantarse de pé.

She also had no face.

Tampouco tiña face.

For this reason, it was assumed that she was a representation of fertility

Por esta razón, supúxose que era a representación da fertilidade

and not a portrait of a person.

e non o retrato dunha persoa.

She was an object.

Era un obxecto.

In the history of her interpretation,

Na historia da súa interpretación,

she went from object of ideal beauty and love

pasou de ser un obxecto de beleza e amor ideais

to object of reproduction.

a ser un obxecto de reprodución.

I think this transition speaks more

Penso que esta transición fala máis

about the scholars who have interpreted her purpose

dos investigadores que interpretaron o seu propósito

than the actual purpose of the figurine herself.

ca do propio propósito da figuriña.

When a woman becomes pregnant,

Cando unha muller queda embarazada,

she leaves the realm of men's sexual desire

abandona o ámbito do desexo sexual masculino

and slides into her reproductive and child-rearing role.

e introdúcese no seu papel reprodutivo e de crianza.

In doing so, she also becomes

E ao facelo, tamén se converte

the property of the community,

en propiedade da comunidade,

considered very important but only because she's pregnant. Right?

considerada moi importante só polo feito de estar embarazada. Si?

I've taken to calling this the Willendorf effect,

Chameille a isto o efecto Willendorf,

and once again we see it reinforced in many aspects of her life.

e unha vez máis vémolo reforzado en moitos aspectos da vida da muller.

Has anyone here ever been visibly pregnant?

Algunha persoa aquí estivo visiblemente embarazada?

(Laughter)

(Risas)

Yeah. Lots of you, right?

Xa. Moitas de vós, certo?

So how many of you ever had a stranger touch your belly during pregnancy,

E cantas tivestes algunha vez un estraño tocándovos a barriga durante o embarazo,

maybe without even asking your permission first?

incluso sen pedirvos permiso primeiro?

Or told what you can and cannot eat

Ou cantas veces alguén que non era o voso médico,

by somebody who is not your doctor, your medical care provider?

o profesional médico que vos atende, vos dixo o que podedes comer ou non?

Or asked private questions about your birth plan?

Ou vos fixo preguntas privadas sobre o voso plan de plan de parto?

And then told why those choices are all wrong?

E logo vos dixo por que esas decisións están todas mal?

Yeah, me too.

Xa, eu tamén.

Or had a server refuse to bring you a glass of wine?

Negouse un camareiro a traervos un vaso de viño?

This one might give you pause, I know, but stay with me.

Esta quizais vos dea que pensar, seino, mais escoitade.

This is a huge secret.

Este é un gran segredo.

It is actually safe to drink in moderation during pregnancy.

Beber con moderación durante o embarazo é, en realidade, seguro.

Many of us don't know this

Moitas de nós non o sabemos

because doctors don't trust pregnant women with this secret --

porque os médicos non queren confiarlles este segredo ás embarazadas,

(Laughter)

(Risas)

especially if she's less educated or a woman of color.

especialmente se teñen un menor nivel educativo ou son mulleres de cor.

What this tells us is,

O que isto quere dicir é

this Willendorf effect, it's also classist and racist.

que o efecto Willendorf é, ademais, clasista e racista.

It's present when the government reminds women

Está presente cando o goberno lles lembra ás mulleres

with every new anti-choice bill

con cada nova lei antielección

that the contents of her uterus are not her own,

que o contido dos seus úteros non é seu,

or when an ob-gyn says,

ou cando o xinecólogo lles di,

"While it's safe to have sex during pregnancy,

"Aínda que é seguro practicar sexo no embarazo,

sometimes you never know.

un nunca sabe.

Better safe than sorry, right?"

Mellor previr ca curar, non si?"

She's denied basic privacy and bodily autonomy

Négaselle a súa privacidade básica e a súa autonomía corporal

under the guise of "be a good mother."

co argumento de "se unha boa nai."

We don't trust her to make her own decisions.

Non confiamos nela para tomar as súas propias decisións.

She's cute, remember?

É curriña, Lembrades?

When we tell women

Cando lles dicimos ás mulleres

that sexual pleasure -- excuse me.

que o pracer sexual, perdoade.

When we tell women that sex isn't worth the risk during pregnancy,

Ao dicirlles ás mulleres que o risco do sexo durante o embarazo non paga a pena

what we're telling her is that her sexual pleasure doesn't matter.

o que lles dicimos é que o seu pracer sexual non importa.

So what we are telling her is that she in fact doesn't matter,

E, xa que logo, que elas non importan,

even though the needs of her fetus are not at odds with her own needs.

a pesar de que as necesidades do seu feto non están en conflito coas súas propias.

So medical providers,

Así que os profesionais médicos,

such as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

como o Colexio Americano de Xinecología e Obstetricia (ACOG)

have the opportunity to educate about the safety of sex during pregnancy.

teñen a oportunidade de educar sobre a seguridade do sexo durante o embarazo.

So what do the experts say?

E que din os expertos?

ACOG actually has no public official statement

O ACOG non ten ningunha declaración oficial

about the safety of sex during pregnancy.

sobre a seguridade do sexo durante o embarazo.

Guidance from the Mayo Clinic is generally positive

A guía da Clínica Mayo é, en liñas xerais, positiva,

but presented with a caveat:

pero presenta unha advertencia:

"Although most women can safely have sex throughout pregnancy,

"Aínda que a maioría das mulleres pode practicar sexo sen problemas

sometimes it's best to be cautious."

no embarazo, ás veces é mellor ser cauto."

Some women don't want to have sex during pregnancy,

Algunhas mulleres non queren practicar sexo durante o embarazo,

and that's OK.

e iso está perfecto.

Some women do want to have sex during pregnancy,

Outras queren practicar sexo durante o embarazo,

and that's OK, too.

e iso tamén está perfecto.

What needs to stop is society telling women

O que cómpre parar é o feito de que a sociedade lles diga

what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

o que poden facer e que non co seu corpo.

(Applause)

(Aplausos)

Pregnant women are not faceless, identity-less vessels of reproduction

As embarazadas non son recipientes de reprodución sen cara nin identidade,

who can't stand on their own two feet.

que non poden manterse en pé por si soas.

But the truth is, the real secret is,

Mais a verdade é, o verdadeiro segredo é,

we tell all women that their sexual pleasure doesn't matter.

que lles dicimos a todas as mulleres que o seu pracer sexual non importa.

We refuse to even acknowledge that women who have sex with women

Ata rexeitamos admitir que as mulleres que practican sexo con outras

or women who don't want children even exist.

ou as que non queren ter fillos existen.

"Oh, it's just a phase ...

"Oh, só é unha etapa...

she just needs the right man to come along."

só necesita que apareza o home adecuado."

Every time a woman has sex

Cada vez que unha muller practica sexo

simply because it feels good,

simplemente porque se sente ben,

it is revolutionary.

é algo revolucionario.

She is revolutionary.

Ela é revolucionaria.

She is pushing back against society's insistence

Vai en contra da sociedade que insiste

that she exist simply for men's pleasure

en que só existe para o pracer masculino

or for reproduction.

ou para a reprodución.

A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is scary,

A muller que prioriza as súas necesidades sexuais pon medo,

because a woman who prioritizes her sexual needs prioritizes herself.

porque a muller que prioriza as súas necesidades sexuais priorízase a si mesma.

(Applause)

(Aplauso)

That is a woman demanding that she be treated as an equal.

É unha muller pedindo ser tratada coma unha igual.

That is a woman who insists

É unha muller que insiste

that you make room for her at the table of power,

para que lle fagas sitio na mesa de poder,

and that is the most terrifying of all

e iso é o máis aterrador de todo

because we can't make room for her

porque non podemos facer un sitio para ela

without some of us giving up the extra space we hold.

sen que algúns de nós teñamos que ceder o noso espazo extra.

(Applause)

(Aplausos)

I have one last secret for you.

Teño un último segredo para vostedes.

I am the mother of two boys

Son nai de dous mozos

and we could use your help.

e serviríanos a súa axuda.

Even though my boys hear me say regularly

Aínda que os meus fillos me escoitan dicir con frecuencia

that it's important for men to recognize women as equals

que é importante que os homes recoñezan as mulleres como iguais

and they see their father modeling this,

e teñen en seu pai a un modelo,

we need what happens in the world to reinforce what happens in our home.

precisamos que o que sucede no mundo reforce o que pasa na nosa casa.

This is not a men's problem or a women's problem.

Isto non é un problema de homes ou de mulleres.

This is everyone's problem,

Isto é problema de todos,

and we all play a role in dismantling systems of inequality.

e todos temos un papel no desmantelamento dos sistema de desigualdade.

For starters, we have got to stop telling women

Para comezar, debemos deixar de dicirlles ás mulleres

what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

o que poden facer cos seus corpos e o que non.

(Applause)

(Aplausos)

This includes not treating pregnant women like community property.

Isto inclúe non tratar as embarazadas como unha propiedade comunal.

If you don't know her, don't even ask to touch her belly.

Se non a coñecen, non lle pregunten se lle poden tocar a barriga.

You wouldn't anybody else.

Non o farían con ninguén máis.

Don't tell her what she can and cannot eat.

Non lle digan o que pode comer ou non.

Don't ask her private details about her medical decisions.

Non lle pregunten por detalles privados das súas decisións médicas.

This also includes understanding

E isto inclúe entender

that even if you are personally against abortion,

que, incluso se vostede está en contra do aborto,

you can still fight for a woman's right to choose.

pode seguir loitando polo dereito das mulleres a decidir.

When it comes to women's equality, the two need not oppose one another.

Cando se trata da igualdade das mulleres, as dúas non poden entrar en conflito.

If you're somebody who has sex with women,

Se practica sexo con mulleres,

prioritize her pleasure.

priorice o seu pracer.

If you don't know how, ask.

E se non sabe como, pregunte.

If you have children --

Se ten fillos ou fillas --

(Laughter)

(Risas)

have conversations about sex as early as possible,

fale con eles de sexo tan axiña como sexa posible,

because kids don't look up s-e-x in the dictionary anymore.

porque os nenos xa non buscan s-e-x-o no dicionario.

They look it up on the internet.

Búscano en internet.

And when you're having those conversations about sex,

E cando teñan esas conversas,

don't center them on reproduction only.

non se centren só na reprodución.

People have sex for many reasons,

As persoas practican sexo por múltiples razóns,

some because they want a baby,

algunhas porque queren un bebé,

but most of us have sex because it feels good.

pero a maioría porque se sente ben.

Admit it.

Admítano.

And regardless of whether you have children or not,

E independentemente de se teñen fillos ou non,

support comprehensive sex education that doesn't shame our teenagers.

apoien unha educación sexual integral que non avergoñe aos nosos adolescentes

(Applause)

(Aplausos)

Nothing positive comes from shaming teens

Nada positivo se saca de avergoñar a un adolescente

for their sexual desires, behaviors,

polos seus desexos e comportamentos sexuais,

other than positive STD and pregnancy tests.

máis que tests positivos de embarazo e de enfermidades de transmisión sexual

Every single day, we are all given the opportunity

Cada día, dásenos a oportunidade

to disrupt patterns of inequality.

de racharmos cos patróns de desigualdade.

I think we can all agree that it's worth the trouble to do so.

E penso que todos podemos estar de acordo en que paga a pena facelo.

Thank you.

Grazas.

(Applause)

(Aplausos)