The lies we tell pregnant women | Sofia Jawed-Wessel

851,808 views ・ 2017-01-26

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00:00
Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz
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Translator: Enara Caride Reviewer: Xusto Rodriguez
00:12
We're going to share a lot of secrets today, you and I,
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Hoxe imos compartir moitos segredos, vostedes e mais eu,
00:15
and in doing so, I hope that we can lift
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e no entanto, espero que poidamos disipar
00:18
some of the shame many of us feel about sex.
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parte da vergoña que moitos sentimos acerca do sexo.
00:22
How many here have ever been catcalled by a stranger?
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Cantas de aquí recibiron algunha vez piropos dun estraño?
00:28
Lots of women.
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Moitas mulleres.
00:30
For me, the time I remember best
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No meu caso, a vez que mellor lembro
00:33
is when that stranger was a student of mine.
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foi cando ese estraño resultou ser alumno meu.
00:37
He came up to me after class that night
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Veu xunta min despois da clase esa noite
00:40
and his words confirmed what I already knew:
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e as súas palabras confirmáronme o que xa sabía:
00:43
"I am so sorry, professor.
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"Síntoo moito, profesora.
00:45
If I had known it was you, I would never have said those things."
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Se chego a saber que era vostede, nunca lle diría esas cousas."
00:49
(Laughter)
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(Risas)
00:51
I wasn't a person to him until I was his professor.
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Para el, xamais fun unha persoa ata que me convertín na súa profesora.
00:56
This concept, called objectification,
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Este concepto, chamado obxectualización,
00:59
is the foundation of sexism,
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é a base do sexismo,
01:01
and we see it reinforced through every aspect of our lives.
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e vémolo reforzado en cada aspecto das nosas vidas.
01:07
We see it in the government
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Vémolo no goberno
01:09
that refuses to punish men
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que se nega a castigar aos homes
01:13
for raping women.
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por violaren mulleres.
01:15
We see it in advertisements.
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Vémolo nos anuncios.
01:17
How many of you have seen an advertisement
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Cantos de vostedes viron un anuncio
01:19
that uses a woman's breast to sell an entirely unrelated product?
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que emprega un peito de muller para vender un produto que nada ten que ver?
01:26
Or movie after movie after movie
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Ou películas e películas e películas
01:30
that portrays women as only love interests?
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que retratan mulleres que só se interesan polo amor?
01:34
These examples might seem inconsequential and harmless,
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Estes exemplos quizais semellen intranscendentes e inofensivos,
01:37
but they're insidious,
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pero son perniciosos,
01:39
slowly building into a culture that refuses to see women as people.
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contribuíndo lentamente a unha cultura que evita ver as mulleres como persoas.
01:43
We see this in the school that sends home a 10-year-old girl
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Vémolo na escola que manda para a casa a unha nena de 10 anos
01:48
because her clothes were a distraction to boys trying to learn,
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porque a súa roupa distraía aos rapaces que intentaban aprender,
01:51
or the government that refuses to punish men for raping women
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ou no goberno que rexeita castigar a homes por violar mulleres
01:57
over and over,
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unha e outra vez,
01:58
or the woman who is killed
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ou na muller asasinada
02:00
because she asked a man to stop grinding on her on the dance floor.
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por pedirlle a un home que deixara de pegarse a ela nunha pista de baile.
02:07
Media plays a large role in perpetuating the objectification of women.
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Os medios xogan un papel relevante para perpetuar a obxectualización feminina
02:13
Let's consider the classic romantic comedy.
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Pensemos na clásica comedia romántica.
02:16
We're typically introduced to two kinds of women in these movies,
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Estas películas adoitan presentarnos dous tipos de muller,
02:20
two kinds of desirable women, anyway.
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dous tipos desexables, en calquera caso.
02:22
The first is the sexy bombshell.
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A primeira é a bomba sexy.
02:25
This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman with the perfect body.
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Unha muller incriblemente fermosa e cun corpo perfecto.
02:29
Our leading man has no trouble identifying her
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O noso protagonista non ten problema para identificala,
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and even less trouble having sex with her.
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e menos aínda para ter relacións sexuais con ela.
02:34
The second is our leading lady,
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A segunda muller é a nosa protagonista,
02:36
the beautiful but demure woman our leading man falls in love with
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a muller fermosa pero tímida da que se namora o protagonista masculino
02:40
despite not noticing her at first
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aínda que ao principio nin se decataba dela,
02:42
or not liking her if he did.
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ou non lle gustaba nadiña.
02:45
The first is the slut.
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A primeira é a rameira.
02:47
She is to be consumed and forgotten.
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Serve para ser consumida e esquecida.
02:49
She is much too available.
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Está sempre dispoñible.
02:51
The second is desirable but modest,
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A segunda é desexable mais humilde,
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and therefore worthy of our leading man's future babies.
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e, polo tanto, digna dos futuros bebés do noso protagonista.
02:58
Marriage material.
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Material de matrimonio.
03:00
We're actually told that women have two roles,
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Dinnos que as mulleres teñen dous roles,
03:03
but these two roles have a difficult time existing within the same woman.
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mais dificilmente poden existir os dous nunha soa muller.
03:08
On the rare occasion that I share with a new acquaintance
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Nas contadas ocasións en que lle conto a alguén que acabo de coñecer
03:12
that I study sex,
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que estudo sobre sexo,
03:13
if they don't end the conversation right then,
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se non corta a conversa nese mesmo intre,
03:16
they're usually pretty intrigued.
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normalmente está bastante interesado.
03:19
"Oh. Tell me more."
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"Oh. Cóntame máis."
03:21
So I do.
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E fágoo.
03:24
"I'm really interested in studying the sexual behaviors
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"Estou moi interesada en estudar o comportamento sexual
03:26
of pregnant and postpartum couples."
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de parellas embarazadas e en posparto."
03:28
At this point I get a different kind of response.
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Neste punto recibo unha resposta distinta.
03:32
(Laughter)
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(Risas)
03:34
"Oh. Huh.
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"Oh. Vaia.
03:36
Do pregnant people even have sex?
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As embarazadas practican sexo?
03:40
Have you thought about studying sexual desire
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Non pensaches en estudar sobre o desexo sexual
03:44
or orgasms?
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ou os orgasmos?
03:45
That would be interesting, and sexy."
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Iso sería interesante, e sexy."
Dicídeme. Cales son as primeiras palabras que se vos ocorren
03:50
Tell me. What are the first words that come to mind
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03:52
when you picture a pregnant woman?
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ao pensardes nunha muller embarazada?
03:55
I asked this question in a survey of over 500 adults,
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Fíxenlle esta pregunta nunha enquisa a máis de 500 adultos,
03:58
and most responded with "belly" or "round"
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e a maioría responderon "barriga" ou "redonda"
04:02
and "cute."
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e "adorable."
04:05
This didn't surprise me too much.
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Isto non me sorprendeu moito.
04:06
What else do we label as cute?
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Que máis catalogamos como adorable?
04:09
Babies. Puppies. Kittens.
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Bebés. Cachorriños. Gatiños.
04:12
The elderly. Right?
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Anciáns, non si?
04:14
(Laughter)
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(Risas)
04:17
When we label an adult as cute, though,
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Cando catalogamos un adulto como adorable, pola contra,
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we take away a lot of their intelligence,
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quitámoslle gran parte da súa intelixencia,
04:22
their complexity.
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da súa complexidade.
04:24
We reduce them to childlike qualities.
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Reducímolo a características infantís.
04:27
I also asked heterosexual men
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Tamén lles pedín a homes heterosexuais
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to imagine a woman that they're partnered with is pregnant,
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que imaxinasen que a muller coa que estaban era unha embarazada,
04:32
and then asked women to imagine that they are pregnant,
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e logo pedinlles a mulleres que se imaxinasen embarazadas,
04:35
and then tell me the first words that come to mind
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e despois me dixeran as primeiras palabras que pensaron
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when they imagine having sex.
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ao imaxinárense practicando sexo.
04:40
Most of the responses were negative.
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A maioría das respostas foron negativas.
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"Gross."
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"Noxento."
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"Awkward."
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"Difícil."
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"Not sexy." "Odd."
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"Nada sexy." "Raro."
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"Uncomfortable."
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"Incómodo."
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"How?"
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"Como?"
04:52
(Laughter)
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(Risas)
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"Not worth the trouble." "Not worth the risk."
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"Non paga a pena a molestia." "Non paga a pena o risco."
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That last one really stuck with me.
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Isto último marcoume especialmente.
05:01
We might think that because we divorce pregnant women and moms from sexuality,
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Quizais pensemos que porque separamos as embarazadas e as nais da sexualidade,
05:06
we are removing the constraints of sexual objectification.
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eliminamos as limitacións da obxectualización sexual.
05:11
They experience less sexism. Right?
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Elas sofren menos sexismo. De acordo?
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Not exactly.
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Non exactamente.
05:15
What happens instead is a different kind of objectification.
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O que sucede no seu lugar é outro tipo de obxectualización.
05:19
In my efforts to explain this to others,
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Nos meus intentos de explicarlle isto a outros,
05:22
one conversation led to the Venus of Willendorf,
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unha conversa levounos á Venus de Willendorf,
05:25
a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed was a goddess of love and beauty,
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unha figuriña do Paleolítico considerada polos investigadores
a deusa do amor e da beleza,
05:30
hence the name Venus.
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de aí o de Venus.
05:32
This theory was later revised, though,
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Pero esta teoría revisouse máis tarde,
05:34
when scholars noted the sculptor's obvious focus
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cando os investigadores notaron a obvia fixación do escultor
05:38
on the figurine's reproductive features:
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nos atributos sexuais da figuriña:
05:41
large breasts, considered ideal for nursing;
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grandes peitos, considerados ideais para aleitar;
05:45
a round, possibly pregnant belly;
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Unha barriga redonda e posiblemente embarazada;
05:47
the remnants of red dye, alluding to menstruation or birth.
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os restos de tintura vermella, aludindo á menstruación ou ao parto.
05:52
They also assumed that she was meant to be held or placed lying down
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Tamén supuxeron que se fixera para ser collida ou depositala deitada
05:56
because her tiny feet don't allow her to be freestanding.
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xa que os seus pequenos pés non lle permitirían aguantarse de pé.
06:00
She also had no face.
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Tampouco tiña face.
06:02
For this reason, it was assumed that she was a representation of fertility
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Por esta razón, supúxose que era a representación da fertilidade
06:06
and not a portrait of a person.
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e non o retrato dunha persoa.
06:09
She was an object.
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Era un obxecto.
06:11
In the history of her interpretation,
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Na historia da súa interpretación,
06:13
she went from object of ideal beauty and love
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pasou de ser un obxecto de beleza e amor ideais
06:16
to object of reproduction.
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a ser un obxecto de reprodución.
06:19
I think this transition speaks more
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Penso que esta transición fala máis
06:21
about the scholars who have interpreted her purpose
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dos investigadores que interpretaron o seu propósito
06:25
than the actual purpose of the figurine herself.
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ca do propio propósito da figuriña.
06:30
When a woman becomes pregnant,
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Cando unha muller queda embarazada,
06:32
she leaves the realm of men's sexual desire
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abandona o ámbito do desexo sexual masculino
06:36
and slides into her reproductive and child-rearing role.
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e introdúcese no seu papel reprodutivo e de crianza.
06:40
In doing so, she also becomes
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E ao facelo, tamén se converte
06:43
the property of the community,
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en propiedade da comunidade,
06:45
considered very important but only because she's pregnant. Right?
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considerada moi importante só polo feito de estar embarazada. Si?
06:50
I've taken to calling this the Willendorf effect,
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Chameille a isto o efecto Willendorf,
06:52
and once again we see it reinforced in many aspects of her life.
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e unha vez máis vémolo reforzado en moitos aspectos da vida da muller.
06:57
Has anyone here ever been visibly pregnant?
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Algunha persoa aquí estivo visiblemente embarazada?
06:59
(Laughter)
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(Risas)
07:00
Yeah. Lots of you, right?
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Xa. Moitas de vós, certo?
07:02
So how many of you ever had a stranger touch your belly during pregnancy,
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E cantas tivestes algunha vez un estraño tocándovos a barriga durante o embarazo,
07:06
maybe without even asking your permission first?
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incluso sen pedirvos permiso primeiro?
07:09
Or told what you can and cannot eat
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Ou cantas veces alguén que non era o voso médico,
07:12
by somebody who is not your doctor, your medical care provider?
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o profesional médico que vos atende, vos dixo o que podedes comer ou non?
07:16
Or asked private questions about your birth plan?
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Ou vos fixo preguntas privadas sobre o voso plan de plan de parto?
07:20
And then told why those choices are all wrong?
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E logo vos dixo por que esas decisións están todas mal?
07:23
Yeah, me too.
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Xa, eu tamén.
07:24
Or had a server refuse to bring you a glass of wine?
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Negouse un camareiro a traervos un vaso de viño?
07:29
This one might give you pause, I know, but stay with me.
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Esta quizais vos dea que pensar, seino, mais escoitade.
07:31
This is a huge secret.
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Este é un gran segredo.
07:33
It is actually safe to drink in moderation during pregnancy.
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Beber con moderación durante o embarazo é, en realidade, seguro.
07:38
Many of us don't know this
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Moitas de nós non o sabemos
07:40
because doctors don't trust pregnant women with this secret --
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porque os médicos non queren confiarlles este segredo ás embarazadas,
07:43
(Laughter)
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(Risas)
07:49
especially if she's less educated or a woman of color.
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especialmente se teñen un menor nivel educativo ou son mulleres de cor.
07:53
What this tells us is,
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O que isto quere dicir é
07:55
this Willendorf effect, it's also classist and racist.
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que o efecto Willendorf é, ademais, clasista e racista.
07:59
It's present when the government reminds women
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Está presente cando o goberno lles lembra ás mulleres
08:05
with every new anti-choice bill
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con cada nova lei antielección
08:08
that the contents of her uterus are not her own,
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que o contido dos seus úteros non é seu,
08:11
or when an ob-gyn says,
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ou cando o xinecólogo lles di,
08:13
"While it's safe to have sex during pregnancy,
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"Aínda que é seguro practicar sexo no embarazo,
08:15
sometimes you never know.
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un nunca sabe.
08:16
Better safe than sorry, right?"
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Mellor previr ca curar, non si?"
08:19
She's denied basic privacy and bodily autonomy
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Négaselle a súa privacidade básica e a súa autonomía corporal
08:23
under the guise of "be a good mother."
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co argumento de "se unha boa nai."
08:26
We don't trust her to make her own decisions.
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Non confiamos nela para tomar as súas propias decisións.
08:29
She's cute, remember?
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É curriña, Lembrades?
08:33
When we tell women
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Cando lles dicimos ás mulleres
08:36
that sexual pleasure -- excuse me.
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que o pracer sexual, perdoade.
08:39
When we tell women that sex isn't worth the risk during pregnancy,
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Ao dicirlles ás mulleres que o risco do sexo durante o embarazo non paga a pena
08:43
what we're telling her is that her sexual pleasure doesn't matter.
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o que lles dicimos é que o seu pracer sexual non importa.
08:48
So what we are telling her is that she in fact doesn't matter,
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E, xa que logo, que elas non importan,
08:51
even though the needs of her fetus are not at odds with her own needs.
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a pesar de que as necesidades do seu feto non están en conflito coas súas propias.
08:57
So medical providers,
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Así que os profesionais médicos,
08:59
such as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
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como o Colexio Americano de Xinecología e Obstetricia (ACOG)
09:02
have the opportunity to educate about the safety of sex during pregnancy.
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teñen a oportunidade de educar sobre a seguridade do sexo durante o embarazo.
09:07
So what do the experts say?
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E que din os expertos?
09:09
ACOG actually has no public official statement
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O ACOG non ten ningunha declaración oficial
09:12
about the safety of sex during pregnancy.
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sobre a seguridade do sexo durante o embarazo.
09:16
Guidance from the Mayo Clinic is generally positive
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A guía da Clínica Mayo é, en liñas xerais, positiva,
09:19
but presented with a caveat:
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pero presenta unha advertencia:
09:21
"Although most women can safely have sex throughout pregnancy,
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"Aínda que a maioría das mulleres pode practicar sexo sen problemas
09:24
sometimes it's best to be cautious."
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no embarazo, ás veces é mellor ser cauto."
09:26
Some women don't want to have sex during pregnancy,
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Algunhas mulleres non queren practicar sexo durante o embarazo,
09:30
and that's OK.
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e iso está perfecto.
09:31
Some women do want to have sex during pregnancy,
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Outras queren practicar sexo durante o embarazo,
09:33
and that's OK, too.
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e iso tamén está perfecto.
09:35
What needs to stop is society telling women
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O que cómpre parar é o feito de que a sociedade lles diga
09:38
what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
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o que poden facer e que non co seu corpo.
09:41
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
09:48
Pregnant women are not faceless, identity-less vessels of reproduction
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As embarazadas non son recipientes de reprodución sen cara nin identidade,
09:52
who can't stand on their own two feet.
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que non poden manterse en pé por si soas.
09:56
But the truth is, the real secret is,
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Mais a verdade é, o verdadeiro segredo é,
09:58
we tell all women that their sexual pleasure doesn't matter.
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que lles dicimos a todas as mulleres que o seu pracer sexual non importa.
10:02
We refuse to even acknowledge that women who have sex with women
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Ata rexeitamos admitir que as mulleres que practican sexo con outras
10:06
or women who don't want children even exist.
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ou as que non queren ter fillos existen.
10:08
"Oh, it's just a phase ...
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"Oh, só é unha etapa...
10:10
she just needs the right man to come along."
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só necesita que apareza o home adecuado."
10:14
Every time a woman has sex
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Cada vez que unha muller practica sexo
10:16
simply because it feels good,
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simplemente porque se sente ben,
10:18
it is revolutionary.
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é algo revolucionario.
10:20
She is revolutionary.
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Ela é revolucionaria.
10:22
She is pushing back against society's insistence
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Vai en contra da sociedade que insiste
10:25
that she exist simply for men's pleasure
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en que só existe para o pracer masculino
10:27
or for reproduction.
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ou para a reprodución.
10:30
A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is scary,
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A muller que prioriza as súas necesidades sexuais pon medo,
10:34
because a woman who prioritizes her sexual needs prioritizes herself.
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porque a muller que prioriza as súas necesidades sexuais priorízase a si mesma.
10:39
(Applause)
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(Aplauso)
10:43
That is a woman demanding that she be treated as an equal.
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É unha muller pedindo ser tratada coma unha igual.
10:47
That is a woman who insists
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É unha muller que insiste
10:49
that you make room for her at the table of power,
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para que lle fagas sitio na mesa de poder,
10:52
and that is the most terrifying of all
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e iso é o máis aterrador de todo
10:54
because we can't make room for her
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porque non podemos facer un sitio para ela
10:57
without some of us giving up the extra space we hold.
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sen que algúns de nós teñamos que ceder o noso espazo extra.
11:02
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
11:08
I have one last secret for you.
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Teño un último segredo para vostedes.
11:10
I am the mother of two boys
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Son nai de dous mozos
11:12
and we could use your help.
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e serviríanos a súa axuda.
11:15
Even though my boys hear me say regularly
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Aínda que os meus fillos me escoitan dicir con frecuencia
11:20
that it's important for men to recognize women as equals
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que é importante que os homes recoñezan as mulleres como iguais
11:23
and they see their father modeling this,
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e teñen en seu pai a un modelo,
11:26
we need what happens in the world to reinforce what happens in our home.
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precisamos que o que sucede no mundo reforce o que pasa na nosa casa.
11:30
This is not a men's problem or a women's problem.
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Isto non é un problema de homes ou de mulleres.
11:33
This is everyone's problem,
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Isto é problema de todos,
11:35
and we all play a role in dismantling systems of inequality.
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e todos temos un papel no desmantelamento dos sistema de desigualdade.
11:40
For starters, we have got to stop telling women
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Para comezar, debemos deixar de dicirlles ás mulleres
11:43
what they can and cannot do with their bodies.
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o que poden facer cos seus corpos e o que non.
11:45
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
11:50
This includes not treating pregnant women like community property.
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Isto inclúe non tratar as embarazadas como unha propiedade comunal.
11:54
If you don't know her, don't even ask to touch her belly.
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Se non a coñecen, non lle pregunten se lle poden tocar a barriga.
11:57
You wouldn't anybody else.
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Non o farían con ninguén máis.
11:59
Don't tell her what she can and cannot eat.
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Non lle digan o que pode comer ou non.
12:01
Don't ask her private details about her medical decisions.
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Non lle pregunten por detalles privados das súas decisións médicas.
12:04
This also includes understanding
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E isto inclúe entender
12:06
that even if you are personally against abortion,
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que, incluso se vostede está en contra do aborto,
12:09
you can still fight for a woman's right to choose.
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pode seguir loitando polo dereito das mulleres a decidir.
12:12
When it comes to women's equality, the two need not oppose one another.
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Cando se trata da igualdade das mulleres, as dúas non poden entrar en conflito.
12:16
If you're somebody who has sex with women,
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Se practica sexo con mulleres,
12:19
prioritize her pleasure.
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priorice o seu pracer.
12:20
If you don't know how, ask.
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E se non sabe como, pregunte.
12:24
If you have children --
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Se ten fillos ou fillas --
12:25
(Laughter)
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(Risas)
12:27
have conversations about sex as early as possible,
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fale con eles de sexo tan axiña como sexa posible,
12:31
because kids don't look up s-e-x in the dictionary anymore.
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porque os nenos xa non buscan s-e-x-o no dicionario.
12:35
They look it up on the internet.
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Búscano en internet.
12:38
And when you're having those conversations about sex,
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E cando teñan esas conversas,
12:41
don't center them on reproduction only.
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non se centren só na reprodución.
12:43
People have sex for many reasons,
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As persoas practican sexo por múltiples razóns,
12:45
some because they want a baby,
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algunhas porque queren un bebé,
12:47
but most of us have sex because it feels good.
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pero a maioría porque se sente ben.
12:50
Admit it.
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Admítano.
12:52
And regardless of whether you have children or not,
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E independentemente de se teñen fillos ou non,
12:55
support comprehensive sex education that doesn't shame our teenagers.
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apoien unha educación sexual integral que non avergoñe aos nosos adolescentes
12:59
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
13:08
Nothing positive comes from shaming teens
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Nada positivo se saca de avergoñar a un adolescente
13:10
for their sexual desires, behaviors,
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polos seus desexos e comportamentos sexuais,
13:14
other than positive STD and pregnancy tests.
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máis que tests positivos de embarazo e de enfermidades de transmisión sexual
13:18
Every single day, we are all given the opportunity
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Cada día, dásenos a oportunidade
13:21
to disrupt patterns of inequality.
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de racharmos cos patróns de desigualdade.
13:24
I think we can all agree that it's worth the trouble to do so.
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E penso que todos podemos estar de acordo en que paga a pena facelo.
13:29
Thank you.
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Grazas.
13:30
(Applause)
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(Aplausos)
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