The lies we tell pregnant women | Sofia Jawed-Wessel

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz

Prevoditelj: Katarina Lukec Recezent: Sanda L

We're going to share a lot of secrets today, you and I,

Podijelit ćemo danas mnogo tajni

and in doing so, I hope that we can lift

i nadam se da time možemo iskazati

some of the shame many of us feel about sex.

sram koji mnogi od nas osjećaju po pitanju seksa.

How many here have ever been catcalled by a stranger?

Koliko vas je ovdje kojima je stranac nešto dobacio, zazviždao?

Lots of women.

Mnogo žena.

For me, the time I remember best

Meni je trenutak kojeg se najbolje sjećam,

is when that stranger was a student of mine.

onaj kada je taj stranac bio moj student.

He came up to me after class that night

Prišao mi je poslije predavanja

and his words confirmed what I already knew:

i njegove riječi su potvrdile ono što sam već znala:

"I am so sorry, professor.

"Oprostite, profesorice,

If I had known it was you, I would never have said those things."

da sam znao da ste Vi, ne bih nikad rekao te stvari."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

I wasn't a person to him until I was his professor.

Za njega nisam bila osoba sve dok nisam bila njegova profesorica.

This concept, called objectification,

Ovaj koncept, nazvan objektifikacija,

is the foundation of sexism,

temelj je seksizma

and we see it reinforced through every aspect of our lives.

i vidimo ga ojačanog u svakom aspektu naših života.

We see it in the government

Vidimo ga u Vladi

that refuses to punish men

koja odbija kazniti muškarce

for raping women.

zbog silovanja žena.

We see it in advertisements.

Vidimo ga u reklamama.

How many of you have seen an advertisement

Koliko vas je vidjelo reklamu

koja koristi ženske grudi radi prodaje potpuno nepovezanog proizvoda?

that uses a woman's breast to sell an entirely unrelated product?

Or movie after movie after movie

Ili film za filmom

that portrays women as only love interests?

koji prikazuju žene koje samo zanima ljubav?

These examples might seem inconsequential and harmless,

Ovi se primjeri možda čine nedosljednima i bezopasnima,

but they're insidious,

ali oni su podmukli,

slowly building into a culture that refuses to see women as people.

polako gradeći kulturu koja odbija vidjeti žene kao ljude.

We see this in the school that sends home a 10-year-old girl

To vidimo u školi koja kući šalje desetogodišnjakinju

because her clothes were a distraction to boys trying to learn,

jer je njena odjeća odvlačila pažnju dječaka koji su pokušavali učiti,

or the government that refuses to punish men for raping women

ili u Vladi koja odbija kazniti muškarce zbog silovanja žena

over and over,

opet i opet,

or the woman who is killed

ili u ženi koja je ubijena

because she asked a man to stop grinding on her on the dance floor.

jer je zatražila od muškarca da joj prestane dosađivati na plesnom podiju.

Media plays a large role in perpetuating the objectification of women.

Mediji igraju veliku ulogu u ovjekovječivanju objektifikacije žena.

Let's consider the classic romantic comedy.

Uzmimo u obzir klasičnu romantičnu komediju.

We're typically introduced to two kinds of women in these movies,

Obično su nam predstavljena dva tipa žena u ovim filmovima,

two kinds of desirable women, anyway.

dva tipa poželjnih žena.

The first is the sexy bombshell.

Prva je seks bomba.

This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman with the perfect body.

To je nevjerojatno prekrasna žena savršenog tijela.

Naš glavni junak zna kako je prepoznati

Our leading man has no trouble identifying her

and even less trouble having sex with her.

te kako je lako navesti na seks.

The second is our leading lady,

Druga je naša glavna junakinja,

the beautiful but demure woman our leading man falls in love with

prekrasna, ali povučena žena u koju se naš junak zaljubljuje,

despite not noticing her at first

unatoč tome što je na prvu nije primjetio

or not liking her if he did.

ili mu se nije svidjela.

The first is the slut.

Prva je drolja.

She is to be consumed and forgotten.

Ona služi da je se konzumira i zaboravi.

She is much too available.

Ona je previše dostupna.

The second is desirable but modest,

Druga je poželjna, ali skromna

and therefore worthy of our leading man's future babies.

i stoga vrijedna buduće djece našeg glavnog junaka.

Marriage material.

Materijal za brak.

We're actually told that women have two roles,

Zapravo nam je rečeno da žena ima dvije uloge,

but these two roles have a difficult time existing within the same woman.

ali te dvije uloge teško da postoje u jednoj ženi.

On the rare occasion that I share with a new acquaintance

U rijetkim prilikama gdje novim poznanicima kažem

that I study sex,

da proučavam seks,

if they don't end the conversation right then,

ako ne prekinu razgovor odmah,

they're usually pretty intrigued.

obično su poprilično zaintrigirani.

"Oh. Tell me more."

"Oh. Reci mi više."

So I do.

Pa to i činim.

"Jako me zanima proučavanje seksualnog ponašanja

"I'm really interested in studying the sexual behaviors

of pregnant and postpartum couples."

parova koji prolaze kroz trudnoću ili su je tek prošli."

At this point I get a different kind of response.

U tom trenu dobijem drugačiji tip odgovora.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

"Oh. Huh.

"Oh. Hm.

Do pregnant people even have sex?

Imaju li uopće ljudi u trudnoći spolni odnos?

Have you thought about studying sexual desire

Jesi li razmišljala o proučavanju seksualnih želja

or orgasms?

ili orgazama?

That would be interesting, and sexy."

To bi bilo zanimljivo, i seksi."

Tell me. What are the first words that come to mind

Recite mi. Koje su prve riječi koje Vam padnu na pamet

when you picture a pregnant woman?

kad zamislite trudnu ženu?

I asked this question in a survey of over 500 adults,

Postavila sam ovo pitanje anketiranjem preko 500 odraslih ljudi

and most responded with "belly" or "round"

i većina je odgovorila s "trbuh" ili "okruglo"

and "cute."

te "slatko."

This didn't surprise me too much.

To me nije previše iznenadilo.

What else do we label as cute?

Što još kategoriziramo kao slatko?

Babies. Puppies. Kittens.

Bebe. Psiće. Mačiće.

The elderly. Right?

Starije ljude. Zar ne?

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

When we label an adult as cute, though,

No, doduše, kad kategoriziramo odrasle kao slatke,

we take away a lot of their intelligence,

oduzimamo im mnogo njihove inteligencije,

their complexity.

njihove kompleksnosti.

We reduce them to childlike qualities.

Reduciramo ih na djetinje kvalitete.

I also asked heterosexual men

Također sam zatražila heteroseksualne muškarce

to imagine a woman that they're partnered with is pregnant,

da ženu s kojom su u vezi zamisle kao trudnicu,

and then asked women to imagine that they are pregnant,

a zatim sam zatražila žene da se zamisle kao trudnice

and then tell me the first words that come to mind

te da mi onda kažu prve riječi koje im padnu napamet

when they imagine having sex.

pri pomisli na seks u tom periodu.

Most of the responses were negative.

Većina odgovora bila je negativna.

"Gross."

"Odvratno."

"Awkward."

"Čudno."

"Not sexy." "Odd."

"Nimalo seksi." "Neobično."

"Uncomfortable."

"Neugodno."

"How?"

"Kako?"

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

"Not worth the trouble." "Not worth the risk."

"Nije vrijedno muke." "Nije vrijedno rizika."

That last one really stuck with me.

Ovo zadnje me je poprilično pogodilo.

We might think that because we divorce pregnant women and moms from sexuality,

Možda mislimo da zato što odvajamo trudnice i majke od seksualnosti,

we are removing the constraints of sexual objectification.

da mičemo i ograničenja seksualne objektifikacije.

They experience less sexism. Right?

One prolaze kroz manje seksizma. Zar ne?

Not exactly.

Pa i ne baš.

What happens instead is a different kind of objectification.

Ono što je stvarno posrijedi drugačiji je tip objektifikacije.

In my efforts to explain this to others,

U svojim nastojanjima da objasnim ovo drugima,

one conversation led to the Venus of Willendorf,

jedan razgovor je otišao sve do Venere iz Willendorfa,

a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed was a goddess of love and beauty,

paleolitske figure za koju su znanstvenici mislili da je božica ljepote i ljubavi,

hence the name Venus.

odatle naziv Venera.

This theory was later revised, though,

Ta teorija kasnije je revidirana,

when scholars noted the sculptor's obvious focus

kad su znanstvenici primjetili autorov očit fokus

on the figurine's reproductive features:

na figuričine reproduktivne značajke:

large breasts, considered ideal for nursing;

velike grudi, koje su smatrane idealnim za dojenje;

a round, possibly pregnant belly;

okrugao, vjerojatno trudnički trbuh,

the remnants of red dye, alluding to menstruation or birth.

ostaci crvene boje, aludirajući na mjesečnicu ili rođenje.

They also assumed that she was meant to be held or placed lying down

Također se pretpostavljalo da se figurica držala ili stavljala u ležeći položaj

because her tiny feet don't allow her to be freestanding.

zato jer joj njena malena stopala ne dopuštaju samostalno stajanje.

She also had no face.

Također nije imala lice.

For this reason, it was assumed that she was a representation of fertility

Iz tih razloga, pretpostavilo se da je bila simbol plodnosti,

and not a portrait of a person.

a ne portret neke osobe.

She was an object.

Ona je bila objekt.

In the history of her interpretation,

U povijesti njene interpretacije,

she went from object of ideal beauty and love

prošla je put od objekta idealne ljepote i ljubavi

to object of reproduction.

do objekta reprodukcije.

I think this transition speaks more

Mislim da ovaj prijelaz govori više

about the scholars who have interpreted her purpose

o znanstvenicima koji su interpretirali njenu svrhu

than the actual purpose of the figurine herself.

nego o stvarnoj svrsi same figurice.

When a woman becomes pregnant,

Kad žena zatrudni,

she leaves the realm of men's sexual desire

ona napušta područje muške seksualne želje

and slides into her reproductive and child-rearing role.

i ulazi u svoju reproduktivnu i odgojnu ulogu.

In doing so, she also becomes

Čineći to, ona također postaje

the property of the community,

vlasništvo zajednice,

considered very important but only because she's pregnant. Right?

koje ju smatra veoma važnom, ali samo zato što je trudna. Zar ne?

I've taken to calling this the Willendorf effect,

Ovo nazivam vilendorfskim efektom,

and once again we see it reinforced in many aspects of her life.

kojeg opet vidimo osnaženog u mnogim aspektima ženinog života.

Has anyone here ever been visibly pregnant?

Je li itko od vas ovdje bio vidljivo trudan?

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Yeah. Lots of you, right?

Da. Mnogo vas, zar ne?

So how many of you ever had a stranger touch your belly during pregnancy,

I kome od vas je nepoznata osoba dodirnula trbuh tijekom trudnoće,

maybe without even asking your permission first?

možda čak i bez pitanja za vašu dozvolu?

Or told what you can and cannot eat

Ili vam je netko govorio što smijete jesti, a što ne,

by somebody who is not your doctor, your medical care provider?

a da nije vaš liječnik, vaš pružatelj medicinske njege?

Or asked private questions about your birth plan?

Ili vas je pitao osobna pitanja oko planova za rođenje?

And then told why those choices are all wrong?

A zatim objašnjavao zašto su ti odabiri pogrešni?

Yeah, me too.

Da, i mene.

Or had a server refuse to bring you a glass of wine?

Ili vam je konobar odbio donijeti čašu vina?

This one might give you pause, I know, but stay with me.

Ovo će vas možda šokirati, ali ostanite sa mnom.

This is a huge secret.

Ovo je velika tajna.

It is actually safe to drink in moderation during pregnancy.

Zapravo je skroz sigurno piti tijekom trudnoće u umjerenim količinama.

Many of us don't know this

Mnoge od nas ovo ne znaju

because doctors don't trust pregnant women with this secret --

jer liječnici ne vjeruju trudnicama u vezi toga --

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

especially if she's less educated or a woman of color.

posebice ako su manje obrazovane ili druge boje kože.

What this tells us is,

To nam govori

this Willendorf effect, it's also classist and racist.

da je vilendorfski efekt također klasistički i rasistički.

It's present when the government reminds women

Prisutan je kad Vlada podsjeća žene,

with every new anti-choice bill

sa svakim novim zakonom koji ne dopušta izbor pri pobačaju,

that the contents of her uterus are not her own,

da sadržaj njene maternice nije njen,

or when an ob-gyn says,

ili kad ginekolozi kažu:

"While it's safe to have sex during pregnancy,

"Iako je seks tijekom trudnoće siguran,

sometimes you never know.

ponekad ne možete znati.

Better safe than sorry, right?"

Bolje spriječiti nego liječiti, zar ne?"

She's denied basic privacy and bodily autonomy

Uskraćena joj je osnovna privatnost i pravo na svoje tijelo

under the guise of "be a good mother."

pod geslom "dobre majke."

We don't trust her to make her own decisions.

Ne vjerujemo joj pri donošenju njenih vlastitih odluka.

She's cute, remember?

Ona je slatka, sjećate se?

When we tell women

Kad kažemo ženama

that sexual pleasure -- excuse me.

da seksualni užitak -- ispričavam se.

When we tell women that sex isn't worth the risk during pregnancy,

Kad kažemo ženama da seks nije vrijedan rizika tijekom trudnoće,

what we're telling her is that her sexual pleasure doesn't matter.

mi joj poručujemo da njen seksualni užitak nije bitan.

So what we are telling her is that she in fact doesn't matter,

Pa joj, zapravo, govorimo da ona nije bitna,

even though the needs of her fetus are not at odds with her own needs.

iako potrebe njenog fetusa nisu u sukobu s njenim vlastitim potrebama.

So medical providers,

Tako pružatelji medicinske pomoći,

such as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

kao što je Američko društvo opstetričara i ginekologa (ACOG),

have the opportunity to educate about the safety of sex during pregnancy.

imaju priliku educirati o sigurnosti spolnog odnosa tijekom trudnoće.

So what do the experts say?

I što stručnjaci kažu?

ACOG actually has no public official statement

ACOG zapravo nema službene javne izjave

about the safety of sex during pregnancy.

o sigurnosti spolnog odnosa tijekom trudnoće.

Guidance from the Mayo Clinic is generally positive

Upute klinike Mayo su općenito pozitivne,

but presented with a caveat:

ali prezentirane uz upozorenje:

"Although most women can safely have sex throughout pregnancy,

"Iako većina žena može imati siguran spolni odnos tijekom trudnoće,

sometimes it's best to be cautious."

ponekad je najbolje biti oprezan."

Some women don't want to have sex during pregnancy,

Neke žene ne žele imati spolni odnos tijekom trudnoće

and that's OK.

i to je u redu.

Some women do want to have sex during pregnancy,

Neke žene žele imati spolni odnos tijekom trudnoće

and that's OK, too.

i to je također u redu.

What needs to stop is society telling women

Ono što treba prestati je da društvo govori ženama

what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

što smiju i što ne smiju sa svojim tijelima.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

Pregnant women are not faceless, identity-less vessels of reproduction

Trudne žene nisu bezlične posude bez identiteta za reprodukciju,

who can't stand on their own two feet.

koje ne mogu stajati na vlastitim nogama.

But the truth is, the real secret is,

Ali istina je, prava tajna je

we tell all women that their sexual pleasure doesn't matter.

da govorimo svim ženama kako njihov seksualni užitak nije važan.

We refuse to even acknowledge that women who have sex with women

Odbijamo priznati da žene koje imaju spolni odnos s drugim ženama

or women who don't want children even exist.

ili žene koje ne žele djecu, uopće postoje.

"Oh, it's just a phase ...

"Oh, to je samo faza...

she just needs the right man to come along."

samo treba pravog muškarca da se pronađe."

Every time a woman has sex

Svaki put kad žena želi seks

simply because it feels good,

jednostavno zato što pruža dobar osjećaj,

it is revolutionary.

to je revolucionarno.

She is revolutionary.

Ona je revolucionarna.

She is pushing back against society's insistence

Ona odgurava ustrajanja društva

that she exist simply for men's pleasure

da postoji jednostavno radi muškog užitka

or for reproduction.

ili reprodukcije.

A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is scary,

Žena koja prioritizira svoje seksualne potrebe plaši,

because a woman who prioritizes her sexual needs prioritizes herself.

jer žena koja daje prednost svojim seksualnim potrebama daje prednost sebi.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

That is a woman demanding that she be treated as an equal.

To je žena koja zahtijeva da je se tretira jednako.

That is a woman who insists

To je žena koja inzistira

that you make room for her at the table of power,

da napravite mjesta za nju za stolom moći

and that is the most terrifying of all

i to je najstrašnije od svega,

because we can't make room for her

jer ne možemo napraviti mjesta za nju

without some of us giving up the extra space we hold.

bez da se neki od nas ne odreknu dodatnog mjesta kojeg posjeduju.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

I have one last secret for you.

Imam još jednu posljednju tajnu za vas.

I am the mother of two boys

Majka sam dvojice dječaka

and we could use your help.

i dobro bi nam došla vaša pomoć.

Even though my boys hear me say regularly

Iako me moji dečki čuju da redovito govorim

that it's important for men to recognize women as equals

kako je važno da muškarci prepoznaju žene kao jednake

and they see their father modeling this,

i vide svog oca kako vlastitim primjerom to pokazuje,

we need what happens in the world to reinforce what happens in our home.

trebamo događaje u svijetu da ojačamo događaje u našem domu.

This is not a men's problem or a women's problem.

To nije muški problem ili ženski problem.

This is everyone's problem,

To je svačiji problem

and we all play a role in dismantling systems of inequality.

i svi igramo ulogu u rastavljanju sustava nejednakosti.

For starters, we have got to stop telling women

Za početak, trebamo prestati govoriti ženama

what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

što smiju i što ne smiju sa svojim tijelima.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

This includes not treating pregnant women like community property.

To uključuje da ne tretiramo žene kao da su društveno vlasništvo.

If you don't know her, don't even ask to touch her belly.

Ako je ne poznajete, ni ne pitajte da joj dotaknete trbuh.

You wouldn't anybody else.

Ne biste pitali ni ikog drugog.

Don't tell her what she can and cannot eat.

Ne govorite joj što smije ili ne smije jesti.

Don't ask her private details about her medical decisions.

Ne pitajte je o osobnim detaljima njenih medicinskih odluka.

This also includes understanding

Ovo također uključuje razumijevanje

that even if you are personally against abortion,

da iako osobno jeste protiv pobačaja,

you can still fight for a woman's right to choose.

svejedno se možete boriti za ženino pravo na izbor.

Kada je riječ o jednakosti žena, one se ne moraju međusobno suprotstavljati.

When it comes to women's equality, the two need not oppose one another.

If you're somebody who has sex with women,

Ako imate spolni odnos sa ženama,

prioritize her pleasure.

dajte prednost njenom užitku.

If you don't know how, ask.

Ako ne znate kako, pitajte.

Ako imate djece --

If you have children --

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

have conversations about sex as early as possible,

razgovarajte o spolnom odnosu što ranije,

because kids don't look up s-e-x in the dictionary anymore.

jer djeca više ne traže s-e-k-s u rječniku.

They look it up on the internet.

Traže na internetu.

And when you're having those conversations about sex,

I kad imate ove razgovore o spolnom odnosu,

don't center them on reproduction only.

ne usmjeravajte ih samo na reprodukciju.

People have sex for many reasons,

Ljudi imaju spolni odnos iz mnogo razloga,

some because they want a baby,

neki jer žele dijete,

but most of us have sex because it feels good.

ali većina nas ima spolni odnos jer pruža dobar osjećaj.

Priznajte.

Admit it.

And regardless of whether you have children or not,

I bez obzira na to imate li djecu ili ne,

support comprehensive sex education that doesn't shame our teenagers.

podržite cjelovito seksualno obrazovanje koje ne posramljuje tinejdžere.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

Nothing positive comes from shaming teens

Ništa pozitivno ne može izaći iz posramljivanja tinejdžera

for their sexual desires, behaviors,

zbog njihovih seksualnih želja, ponašanja,

other than positive STD and pregnancy tests.

osim pozitivnog testa na spolno prenosive bolesti i trudnoću.

Every single day, we are all given the opportunity

Svakog dana imamo priliku

to disrupt patterns of inequality.

da prekinemo obrasce nejednakosti.

I think we can all agree that it's worth the trouble to do so.

Mislim da se svi možemo složiti da je vrijedno nevolja to i učiniti.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)