The lies we tell pregnant women | Sofia Jawed-Wessel

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz

翻译人员: Wilde Luo 校对人员: Hong Li

We're going to share a lot of secrets today, you and I,

今天我将跟大家分享许多秘密，

and in doing so, I hope that we can lift

在这个过程中，我希望我们可以

some of the shame many of us feel about sex.

稍微消除我们对于“性”的羞耻感。

How many here have ever been catcalled by a stranger?

在座有多少人 被陌生人吹过口哨？

Lots of women.

我看到有很多女士举手了。

For me, the time I remember best

令我印象最深的一次，

is when that stranger was a student of mine.

对方是我后来的一个学生。

He came up to me after class that night

那晚下课后，他来找我，

and his words confirmed what I already knew:

如我所料，他说：

"I am so sorry, professor.

“真的很对不起，教授。

If I had known it was you, I would never have said those things."

如果我知道是您， 我绝对不会那么做的。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I wasn't a person to him until I was his professor.

对他而言，在我成为他的教授之前， 我都不能算是一个人。

This concept, called objectification,

这种情况我们称之为“物化”，

is the foundation of sexism,

它是性别歧视的基础，

and we see it reinforced through every aspect of our lives.

它存在于生活的方方面面， 我们已经司空见惯。

We see it in the government

它存在于政府中间，

that refuses to punish men

政府拒绝惩罚那些

for raping women.

强奸女性的男性。

We see it in advertisements.

它存在于广告中。

How many of you have seen an advertisement

我们曾多少次看到广告中

that uses a woman's breast to sell an entirely unrelated product?

利用女性的胸部 去推广一个毫不相关的产品？

Or movie after movie after movie

又或者， 在一部接一部的电影中

that portrays women as only love interests?

把女性描绘成只想着谈恋爱？

These examples might seem inconsequential and harmless,

这些例子看起来可能 无足轻重，无伤大雅，

but they're insidious,

但它们的伤害是隐性的，

slowly building into a culture that refuses to see women as people.

慢慢地助长了一种风气： 不把女性当人来看待。

We see this in the school that sends home a 10-year-old girl

它存在于学校当中， 他们开除了一个10岁的小女孩，

because her clothes were a distraction to boys trying to learn,

因为她的衣服会 让那些想要学习的男孩分心，

or the government that refuses to punish men for raping women

或者，政府让强奸女性的 男性逍遥法外，

over and over,

一次又一次，

or the woman who is killed

又或者，一个女人被杀害，

because she asked a man to stop grinding on her on the dance floor.

因为她在舞池中 警告一名男子不要动手动脚。

Media plays a large role in perpetuating the objectification of women.

媒体在持续物化 女性方面起了很大作用。

Let's consider the classic romantic comedy.

让我们回忆一下经典的浪漫喜剧。

We're typically introduced to two kinds of women in these movies,

这些电影中通常有两种女性，

two kinds of desirable women, anyway.

两种女性都很有魅力。

The first is the sexy bombshell.

第一种是性感的美女。

This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman with the perfect body.

有着令人难以置信的完美身材。

Our leading man has no trouble identifying her

男主角一眼就能相中她，

and even less trouble having sex with her.

并且能毫不费力地与她上床。

The second is our leading lady,

第二种是女主角，

the beautiful but demure woman our leading man falls in love with

美丽而端庄，男主角爱上了她，

despite not noticing her at first

尽管可能一开始都没注意到她，

or not liking her if he did.

或者注意到了但并不算喜欢。

The first is the slut.

第一种女性就是荡妇。

She is to be consumed and forgotten.

就是用来消费和遗忘的。

She is much too available.

太容易得手。

The second is desirable but modest,

第二种女性美丽却又矜持，

and therefore worthy of our leading man's future babies.

所以够资格为男主角生一个宝宝。

Marriage material.

完美的结婚对象。

We're actually told that women have two roles,

我们被教导：女性有两种角色，

but these two roles have a difficult time existing within the same woman.

但在同一位女性身上难以共存。

On the rare occasion that I share with a new acquaintance

极少情况下，我会对陌生人介绍说，

that I study sex,

我是研究“性”的，

if they don't end the conversation right then,

他们通常会立刻转换话题，

they're usually pretty intrigued.

否则的话就会表现得及其感兴趣。

"Oh. Tell me more."

“噢。接着说，”

So I do.

于是我说了。

"I'm really interested in studying the sexual behaviors

“我对孕妇以及刚生完孩子的 女性与他们的丈夫间的

of pregnant and postpartum couples."

性行为很感兴趣。”

At this point I get a different kind of response.

说到这儿，对方的反应就不一样了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"Oh. Huh.

“噢。哇。

Do pregnant people even have sex?

怀孕的人也会有性生活吗？

Have you thought about studying sexual desire

你就没想过要研究性欲

或者性高潮吗？

or orgasms?

That would be interesting, and sexy."

那会有趣和性感得多。”

Tell me. What are the first words that come to mind

告诉我，当你们想到孕妇的时候，

when you picture a pregnant woman?

脑海中最先浮现的是哪些词？

I asked this question in a survey of over 500 adults,

我曾经在一次问卷调查中 问过这个问题，超过500人参与，

and most responded with "belly" or "round"

多数人回答“大肚子”或者“圆嘟嘟”，

and "cute."

或者“可爱的”。

This didn't surprise me too much.

这些并不怎么令我惊奇。

What else do we label as cute?

还有什么其他的东西是“可爱的”呢？

Babies. Puppies. Kittens.

小宝宝，小狗狗，小猫咪，

The elderly. Right?

还有老爷爷、老奶奶。对吧？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

When we label an adult as cute, though,

然而，当我们给一位 成年人打上“可爱”的标签时，

we take away a lot of their intelligence,

我们忽略了他们的智力水平，

their complexity.

和性格的复杂性。

We reduce them to childlike qualities.

把他们当小孩看待。

I also asked heterosexual men

我也曾要求异性恋男性

to imagine a woman that they're partnered with is pregnant,

想象一下他们的女伴怀孕的样子，

and then asked women to imagine that they are pregnant,

接着让女伴们也同样想象一下，

and then tell me the first words that come to mind

然后让他们想象一下自己在做爱，

when they imagine having sex.

此时脑海中最先想到是哪些词。

Most of the responses were negative.

大多数人的反应是负面的。

"Gross."

“很恶心。”

"Awkward."

“令人难堪。”

"Not sexy." "Odd."

“一点也不性感。” “十分奇怪。”

"Uncomfortable."

“不舒服。”

"How?"

“这怎么做爱？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"Not worth the trouble." "Not worth the risk."

“不值得这么麻烦。” “不值得为此冒险。”

That last one really stuck with me.

而最后一条令我难以忘怀。

We might think that because we divorce pregnant women and moms from sexuality,

我们或许会认为，将孕妇和（新）妈妈 从性行为中解放出来，

we are removing the constraints of sexual objectification.

就消除了在性方面的物化现象。

They experience less sexism. Right?

她们受到的性别歧视 就变少了。对吗？

Not exactly.

并非如此。

What happens instead is a different kind of objectification.

实际上发生的是 另一种类型的的物化。

In my efforts to explain this to others,

我在向别人解释这些时，

one conversation led to the Venus of Willendorf,

有一次谈到了“维伦多夫的 维纳斯”（小雕像），

a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed was a goddess of love and beauty,

一位研究旧石器时代小雕像的学者认为， 她是象征爱与美的女神，

hence the name Venus.

于是就称她为“维纳斯”。

This theory was later revised, though,

尽管，这种说法后来被修正，

when scholars noted the sculptor's obvious focus

因为学者们注意到 雕刻家想表现的重点在于

on the figurine's reproductive features:

雕像的生殖特征：

large breasts, considered ideal for nursing;

丰满的乳房，对于 哺乳而言是非常理想的；

a round, possibly pregnant belly;

圆圆的，或许怀孕了的大肚子；

the remnants of red dye, alluding to menstruation or birth.

残余的红色染料， 暗指月经或者分娩。

They also assumed that she was meant to be held or placed lying down

学者们还认为她的姿势应该是躺倒的， 无论是拿在手里或者是放置起来，

because her tiny feet don't allow her to be freestanding.

因为她的脚很小，不能支撑她站立。

She also had no face.

她也没有脸部。

For this reason, it was assumed that she was a representation of fertility

因此，她被认为是生育能力的象征，

and not a portrait of a person.

而不是某一个人的塑像。

She was an object.

她只是一个物品。

In the history of her interpretation,

在对她进行研究的过程中，

she went from object of ideal beauty and love

她从象征美与爱的物品，

to object of reproduction.

变成了代表生殖的物品。

I think this transition speaks more

这种转变说明了很多问题，

about the scholars who have interpreted her purpose

甚至比学者的解释，

than the actual purpose of the figurine herself.

比雕像自身存在的意义还要多。

When a woman becomes pregnant,

当一位女性怀孕时，

she leaves the realm of men's sexual desire

她就不再让男人产生性欲，

and slides into her reproductive and child-rearing role.

而变成了一个生养孩子的角色。

In doing so, she also becomes

与此同时，她也变成了

the property of the community,

社会的资产，

considered very important but only because she's pregnant. Right?

被认为非常重要， 但仅仅是因为她怀孕了，对吗？

I've taken to calling this the Willendorf effect,

我把这种现象叫做“维伦多夫效应”，

and once again we see it reinforced in many aspects of her life.

同样的，我们在生活中 也经常碰到这种情况。

Has anyone here ever been visibly pregnant?

有没有人曾怀孕过？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Yeah. Lots of you, right?

对。人还不少，对吧？

So how many of you ever had a stranger touch your belly during pregnancy,

你们中又有多少人在怀孕期间 被陌生人摸过肚子，

maybe without even asking your permission first?

甚至都没有征求你的同意？

Or told what you can and cannot eat

或者被告知该吃什么，不该吃什么，

by somebody who is not your doctor, your medical care provider?

而这些人根本就不是你的医生？

Or asked private questions about your birth plan?

或者打听你的生育计划， 问一堆涉及隐私的问题，

And then told why those choices are all wrong?

然后又告诉你，你的计划都是错的？

Yeah, me too.

对，我也遭遇过。

Or had a server refuse to bring you a glass of wine?

或者有没有遇到过 服务员不愿给你上红酒？

This one might give you pause, I know, but stay with me.

这一点可能难以接受，我明白， 但还是请各位跟上我的思路。

This is a huge secret.

因为这是一个大秘密。

It is actually safe to drink in moderation during pregnancy.

实际上，怀孕期间 适量饮酒是安全的。

Many of us don't know this

我们中很多人并不知道这一点，

because doctors don't trust pregnant women with this secret --

因为医生们不敢 把这个秘密告诉孕妇们——

(Laughter)

(笑声）

especially if she's less educated or a woman of color.

尤其当孕妇受教育程度较低， 或者是有色人种时。

What this tells us is,

这说明，

this Willendorf effect, it's also classist and racist.

“维伦多夫效应”还带有 阶级歧视和种族歧视。

It's present when the government reminds women

它表现在：政府用新出台的 反自由堕胎法案

with every new anti-choice bill

来提醒女性们，

that the contents of her uterus are not her own,

她们子宫中的东西 并不属于她们自己；

or when an ob-gyn says,

表现在妇产科医生说，

"While it's safe to have sex during pregnancy,

“尽管在怀孕期间 进行性行为是安全的，

sometimes you never know.

但谁知道呢。

Better safe than sorry, right?"

不怕一万，只怕万一啊，对吧？”

She's denied basic privacy and bodily autonomy

她以“做一个好妈妈”的 名义，被剥夺了

under the guise of "be a good mother."

隐私权和身体自主权。

We don't trust her to make her own decisions.

我们并不放心她自己做出的选择。

She's cute, remember?

她很可爱，还记得吗？

When we tell women

当我们告诉女性，

that sexual pleasure -- excuse me.

性快感——不好意思。

When we tell women that sex isn't worth the risk during pregnancy,

当我们告诉女性，在怀孕期间， 不值得冒险进行性行为的时候，

what we're telling her is that her sexual pleasure doesn't matter.

我们的言下之意是， 她的性快感并不重要。

So what we are telling her is that she in fact doesn't matter,

进而引申为，她实际上也不重要，

even though the needs of her fetus are not at odds with her own needs.

即使她自己的需求 跟胎儿的需求一致。

So medical providers,

所以医疗服务提供方，

such as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

例如美国妇产科医师协会，

have the opportunity to educate about the safety of sex during pregnancy.

是可以对孕期性行为的 安全性进行解释的。

So what do the experts say?

那么专家们说了什么呢？

ACOG actually has no public official statement

实际上，美国妇产科医师协会 没有任何公开的官方声明，

about the safety of sex during pregnancy.

说明孕期性行为是安全的。

Guidance from the Mayo Clinic is generally positive

梅奥医院发布的指南 总体上是积极的，

but presented with a caveat:

但看起来更像是告诫：

"Although most women can safely have sex throughout pregnancy,

“尽管大多数女性在怀孕期间 能够安全地进行性行为，

sometimes it's best to be cautious."

但最好还是保持谨慎。”

Some women don't want to have sex during pregnancy,

有些女性在孕期不想发生性行为，

and that's OK.

这没什么问题。

Some women do want to have sex during pregnancy,

有些女性的确想在孕期发生性行为，

and that's OK, too.

这也没什么问题。

What needs to stop is society telling women

问题在于，不应该由社会来告诉女性，

what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

对于自己的身体， 什么可以做，什么不可以做。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Pregnant women are not faceless, identity-less vessels of reproduction

孕妇并不是没有自我， 没有身份的生殖容器，

who can't stand on their own two feet.

她们能够自强自力。

But the truth is, the real secret is,

然而实际情况却是，

we tell all women that their sexual pleasure doesn't matter.

我们告诉所有的女性， 她们的性快感无关紧要。

We refuse to even acknowledge that women who have sex with women

我们甚至拒绝承认女同性恋

or women who don't want children even exist.

以及不想生孩子的女性的存在。

"Oh, it's just a phase ...

“啊，只是暂时这样的啦……

she just needs the right man to come along."

她只是还没有 遇到那个对的男人。”

Every time a woman has sex

当一名女性发生性行为

simply because it feels good,

仅仅是因为那感觉很棒，

it is revolutionary.

那就是革命性的。

She is revolutionary.

她就是革命性的。

She is pushing back against society's insistence

她在抗争社会固有观点：

that she exist simply for men's pleasure

女人的存在只是为了取悦男人，

or for reproduction.

或者为了生孩子。

A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is scary,

一位优先考虑自己 性需求的女性是可怕的，

because a woman who prioritizes her sexual needs prioritizes herself.

因为她首先考虑的是自己。

(Applause)

（掌声）

That is a woman demanding that she be treated as an equal.

那是一种要求平等的女性。

That is a woman who insists

那是一种要求在权力的游戏中，

that you make room for her at the table of power,

拥有一席之地的女性，

and that is the most terrifying of all

这是最可怕的，

because we can't make room for her

因为要给女性一席之地，

without some of us giving up the extra space we hold.

就意味着我们中某些人 要放弃自己的地盘。

(Applause)

（掌声）

I have one last secret for you.

我还有最后一个秘密要分享。

I am the mother of two boys

我是两个男孩的妈妈，

and we could use your help.

并且我们真的想得到你们的帮助。

Even though my boys hear me say regularly

尽管我的儿子们经常听我说

that it's important for men to recognize women as equals

要平等对待男性和女性很重要，

and they see their father modeling this,

他们的爸爸也是这么言传身教的，

we need what happens in the world to reinforce what happens in our home.

但我们希望外面的世界也是如此， 能跟我们家里的氛围产生呼应。

This is not a men's problem or a women's problem.

这不仅仅是男人的问题， 或者女人的问题。

This is everyone's problem,

而是关系到每个人，

and we all play a role in dismantling systems of inequality.

在消灭不平等制度的过程中， 我们都能发挥作用。

For starters, we have got to stop telling women

首先， 我们必须停止告诉女性们

what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

对于自己的身体， 什么可以做，什么不可以做。

(Applause)

（掌声）

This includes not treating pregnant women like community property.

这包括：不再把孕妇 当成社会资产来对待。

If you don't know her, don't even ask to touch her belly.

如果你不认识她， 就不应该要求摸一下她的肚子。

You wouldn't anybody else.

对其他人，你是不会这样做的。

Don't tell her what she can and cannot eat.

不要告诉她食品宜忌。

Don't ask her private details about her medical decisions.

不要询问关于她医疗的隐私。

This also includes understanding

还有一点你要明白，

that even if you are personally against abortion,

即使你个人反对堕胎，

you can still fight for a woman's right to choose.

你也能为女性争取选择堕胎的权利。

When it comes to women's equality, the two need not oppose one another.

说到女性平等，两性之间 没有必要相互对立。

If you're somebody who has sex with women,

如果你与女性做爱，

prioritize her pleasure.

优先考虑她的快乐。

If you don't know how, ask.

如果不清楚怎么做，就开口问。

If you have children --

如果你有孩子——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

have conversations about sex as early as possible,

和他们聊聊关于 性的话题，越早越好，

because kids don't look up s-e-x in the dictionary anymore.

因为孩子们不会再去 字典中查“性”这个词了。

They look it up on the internet.

他们会上网去找。

And when you're having those conversations about sex,

当你们在进行这些关于性的谈话时，

don't center them on reproduction only.

不要仅仅把它局限在 生育后代这件事上。

People have sex for many reasons,

人们会为了很多原因做爱，

some because they want a baby,

有些人是想要个孩子，

but most of us have sex because it feels good.

但大多数人还是为了获得快感。

Admit it.

承认吧。

And regardless of whether you have children or not,

不管你有没有孩子，

support comprehensive sex education that doesn't shame our teenagers.

支持全面的性教育， 并不会让青少年感到难堪。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Nothing positive comes from shaming teens

让青少年因为自己的 性欲望和性行为

for their sexual desires, behaviors,

感到难堪毫无益处 ，

other than positive STD and pregnancy tests.

又不是性病检测 呈阳性或怀孕测试。

Every single day, we are all given the opportunity

每一天，我们都有机会

to disrupt patterns of inequality.

去改变不平等的现象。

I think we can all agree that it's worth the trouble to do so.

我相信无论多困难， 都是值得的。

Thank you.

谢谢大家。

(Applause)

（掌声）