The lies we tell pregnant women | Sofia Jawed-Wessel

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz

譯者: iris wu 審譯者: Melody Tang

We're going to share a lot of secrets today, you and I,

今天你們和我將分享很多秘密。

and in doing so, I hope that we can lift

這麼做的目的是，

some of the shame many of us feel about sex.

我希望可以消除一些 我們對性的羞恥感。

How many here have ever been catcalled by a stranger?

在座各位，有多少人 曾被陌生人吹口哨？

很多女士。

Lots of women.

For me, the time I remember best

對我來說，我記得最清楚的是，

is when that stranger was a student of mine.

那個陌生人是我的一個學生。

He came up to me after class that night

那晚下課後，他來找我，

and his words confirmed what I already knew:

他的話證實了我已知道的，

"I am so sorry, professor.

「非常抱歉，教授。

If I had known it was you, I would never have said those things."

如果早知道是您， 我怎麼也不會說那些話。 」

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

I wasn't a person to him until I was his professor.

對他來說，如果我不是他的教授， 他就沒把我是一個人。

This concept, called objectification,

這就是所謂「人格物化」的概念，

這是性別歧視的基礎。

is the foundation of sexism,

and we see it reinforced through every aspect of our lives.

我們在生活的各個層面， 看到它不斷的被強化，

We see it in the government

我們可從政府部門

that refuses to punish men

拒絕懲罰那些

for raping women.

強姦婦女的男人看到。

我們在廣告裡看到。

We see it in advertisements.

How many of you have seen an advertisement

有多少人曾經看過廣告中

that uses a woman's breast to sell an entirely unrelated product?

用女性的胸部 來推廣毫不相干的產品？

Or movie after movie after movie

還有，一部接一部的電影裡，

that portrays women as only love interests?

女性被刻畫成只是愛情目標？

These examples might seem inconsequential and harmless,

這些例子看似無關緊要，無傷大雅，

but they're insidious,

但實際上他們的殺傷力很大，

慢慢滲入成一種 無視女性為人的文化。

slowly building into a culture that refuses to see women as people.

We see this in the school that sends home a 10-year-old girl

我們看見學校把 10 歲的 女學生打發回家，

因為她的衣著讓男生分心， 不能專心讀書，

because her clothes were a distraction to boys trying to learn,

or the government that refuses to punish men for raping women

還有那些政府拒絕懲罰 強姦女性的男人，

over and over,

or the woman who is killed

還有女性被殺

就是因為在舞池， 她要求某位男人不要毛手毛腳。

because she asked a man to stop grinding on her on the dance floor.

Media plays a large role in perpetuating the objectification of women.

對女性的物化， 媒體發揮著重要的作用。

Let's consider the classic romantic comedy.

讓我們設想 在一個經典浪漫喜劇中，

We're typically introduced to two kinds of women in these movies,

在這些電影裡，總有兩種女性，

兩種讓人想要追求的女生。

two kinds of desirable women, anyway.

The first is the sexy bombshell.

This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman with the perfect body.

非常美麗的女人，完美的身體曲線。

我們的男主角能夠 毫不費力的注意到她，

Our leading man has no trouble identifying her

and even less trouble having sex with her.

並甚至很輕易就能和她發生關係。

The second is our leading lady,

第二個是我們的女主角，

the beautiful but demure woman our leading man falls in love with

美麗端莊的女生， 最後被男主角愛上，

despite not noticing her at first

雖然一開始可能並沒有注意到她，

or not liking her if he did.

或是就算注意到她， 也沒有立刻喜歡她。

The first is the slut.

第一個女生是蕩婦。

She is to be consumed and forgotten.

她在被利用後，就被遺忘了。

She is much too available.

她太隨手可得。

The second is desirable but modest,

第二個女生吸引人但是低調，

and therefore worthy of our leading man's future babies.

因此值得成為男主角 未來子女的母親。

Marriage material.

結婚的材料。

We're actually told that women have two roles,

我們實際上被告知， 女性有兩個角色，

but these two roles have a difficult time existing within the same woman.

但是這兩種角色 很難並存於同一個女人。

On the rare occasion that I share with a new acquaintance

在罕見的情況下， 我會和剛認識的人

that I study sex,

分享我是做性研究的。

if they don't end the conversation right then,

如果這時他們不馬上中止谈话，

they're usually pretty intrigued.

他們通常都會很好奇。

"Oh. Tell me more."

「哦，說來聽聽。」

於是我就說了。

So I do.

"I'm really interested in studying the sexual behaviors

「我對懷孕中和產後夫妻的 ​​性行為的研究，

of pregnant and postpartum couples."

非常感興趣。」

At this point I get a different kind of response.

這時我會得到不同的回應。

(Laughter)

"Oh. Huh.

「哦，哼。

Do pregnant people even have sex?

孕婦可以有性行為嗎？

你有沒有想過研究性慾，

Have you thought about studying sexual desire

或性高潮？

or orgasms?

That would be interesting, and sexy."

那應該會更有意思，並且性感。 」

請告訴我，當你們想到孕婦的時候，

Tell me. What are the first words that come to mind

when you picture a pregnant woman?

進入你們腦海的第一個字是什麼？

I asked this question in a survey of over 500 adults,

這個問題，我在一個調查中 訪問了超過 500 個成年人，

and most responded with "belly" or "round"

最多的回答是「肚子」或「圓形」，

and "cute."

還有 「可愛」。

這並沒有讓我很吃驚。

This didn't surprise me too much.

What else do we label as cute?

還有什麼我們通常用可愛來形容？

Babies. Puppies. Kittens.

嬰兒、小狗、小貓。

The elderly. Right?

還有年長者。是嗎？

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

當我們把成年人用可愛來形容時，

When we label an adult as cute, though,

we take away a lot of their intelligence,

我們剝奪了他們的智慧，

their complexity.

以及他們複雜性。

We reduce them to childlike qualities.

我們把他們降到了小孩子的水準。

I also asked heterosexual men

我也訪問過異性戀的男生，

to imagine a woman that they're partnered with is pregnant,

讓他們假想他們的另一半正在懷孕，

and then asked women to imagine that they are pregnant,

然後問女生假想自己懷孕，

and then tell me the first words that come to mind

然後告訴我 當他們想像在做性行為時，

when they imagine having sex.

首先想到的第一個字詞。

Most of the responses were negative.

大多數的反應都是負面的。

"Gross."

「噁心」

"Awkward."

「尷尬」

「不性感」「奇怪」

"Not sexy." "Odd."

"Uncomfortable."

「不舒服」

"How?"

「怎麽做？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"Not worth the trouble." "Not worth the risk."

「這麼麻煩不值得」 「不值得冒險」

That last one really stuck with me.

最後的一個詞讓我想了很久。

We might think that because we divorce pregnant women and moms from sexuality,

我們可能認為因為 我們把孕婦、母親和性分開，

we are removing the constraints of sexual objectification.

我們就去除了性物化的約束。

They experience less sexism. Right?

她們經歷一些性別歧視。是嗎？

Not exactly.

並不盡然。

What happens instead is a different kind of objectification.

其實結果是另外一種形式的物化，

In my efforts to explain this to others,

在我努力向別人解釋這個的時候，

其中的一次談話就轉到 維倫多爾夫的維納斯，

one conversation led to the Venus of Willendorf,

a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed was a goddess of love and beauty,

這個舊石器時代的小雕像， 學者們認為是愛和美麗的女神。

hence the name Venus.

因此命名她為維納斯。

This theory was later revised, though,

這個理論之後又被更正過，

when scholars noted the sculptor's obvious focus

當學者們注意到雕刻家的重心

on the figurine's reproductive features:

明顯的放在雕像的生殖特徵上：

large breasts, considered ideal for nursing;

豐滿的胸部 被認為是理想的哺育工具，

豐滿，可能已懷孕的腹部；

a round, possibly pregnant belly;

the remnants of red dye, alluding to menstruation or birth.

紅赭染料的殘留，暗示月經或生育。

They also assumed that she was meant to be held or placed lying down

學者們也假設她是應該被抬著， 或是平放著的，

因為她的小腳是不允許她能站著的。

because her tiny feet don't allow her to be freestanding.

She also had no face.

她也沒有臉。

For this reason, it was assumed that she was a representation of fertility

因為如此，她被認為是繁衍的象徵。

and not a portrait of a person.

並不是一個人的塑像。

She was an object.

她是一個物品。

In the history of her interpretation,

貫穿在對她的解讀的歷史裡，

she went from object of ideal beauty and love

她從一個理想的美和愛的物件，

to object of reproduction.

變成繁衍的物品。

I think this transition speaks more

我認為這種轉變， 與其說是雕像的實際目的，

about the scholars who have interpreted her purpose

不如說是，

它告訴了我們 那些研究她的學者的想法。

than the actual purpose of the figurine herself.

When a woman becomes pregnant,

當一個女人懷孕了，

she leaves the realm of men's sexual desire

她不再是男性性需求的對象，

and slides into her reproductive and child-rearing role.

隨後進入了生育和養育孩子的角色。

In doing so, she also becomes

這樣之後，她又成為了

the property of the community,

社區的共同財產。

considered very important but only because she's pregnant. Right?

被認為非常重要， 但只是因為她懷孕的緣故。是不是？

I've taken to calling this the Willendorf effect,

我把這個稱為「維倫多夫效應」。

and once again we see it reinforced in many aspects of her life.

再一次我們看見它在 女性生活的許多方面被强化。

Has anyone here ever been visibly pregnant?

這裡有人曾經很明顯的懷孕嗎？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yeah. Lots of you, right?

是啊，很多，對嗎？

So how many of you ever had a stranger touch your belly during pregnancy,

有多少人在你懷孕時 曾被陌生人碰過你的腹部？

maybe without even asking your permission first?

有時可能根本沒有 事先徵求你的同意？

Or told what you can and cannot eat

或者有些人既不是醫生， 也不是你的私人看護，

by somebody who is not your doctor, your medical care provider?

卻來告訴你可以或不可以吃什麼？

Or asked private questions about your birth plan?

或者問你關於你準備 怎麽生小孩的一些私密問題？

然後再告訴你為什麼 那些選擇都是錯誤的。

And then told why those choices are all wrong?

Yeah, me too.

是啊，我也經歷過。

Or had a server refuse to bring you a glass of wine?

或者侍應生拒絕給你拿一杯酒？

這個可能會讓你停頓一下， 我知道，但是先別急。

This one might give you pause, I know, but stay with me.

This is a huge secret.

這是一個大秘密。

It is actually safe to drink in moderation during pregnancy.

其實在懷孕期間 適度的飲酒是安全的。

Many of us don't know this

許多人不知道這個，

是因為醫生信不過 把這個秘密告訴孕婦。

because doctors don't trust pregnant women with this secret --

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

especially if she's less educated or a woman of color.

特別是那些受教育少的 或是非白種人。

What this tells us is,

這就告訴我們，

this Willendorf effect, it's also classist and racist.

這個維倫多夫效應也是有 階級歧視和種族歧視的。

It's present when the government reminds women

它現形於當政府用 每一個新的反墮胎法案

with every new anti-choice bill

來提醒女性

that the contents of her uterus are not her own,

她們子宮裡的東西不是她自己的，

或者當婦產科醫生說：

or when an ob-gyn says,

"While it's safe to have sex during pregnancy,

「在懷孕期間的性行為是安全的，

sometimes you never know.

但有時候很難說。

Better safe than sorry, right?"

還是以防萬一不要冒險，對不對？」

She's denied basic privacy and bodily autonomy

在「做一個好媽媽的」 的僞裝下，

under the guise of "be a good mother."

她被否認了基本的隱私和身體自主，

我們信不過她能給自己做決定。

We don't trust her to make her own decisions.

她很可愛，記得嗎？

She's cute, remember?

When we tell women

讓我們告訴女性

性愉悅──抱歉。

that sexual pleasure -- excuse me.

當我們告訴女性 懷孕期間不值得冒險有性行為，

When we tell women that sex isn't worth the risk during pregnancy,

what we're telling her is that her sexual pleasure doesn't matter.

其實我們告訴她的是 她的性愉悅並不重要。

So what we are telling her is that she in fact doesn't matter,

因此我們想說的是她其實並不重要，

even though the needs of her fetus are not at odds with her own needs.

即使她胎兒的需求 和她的需求並不相悖。

So medical providers,

所以醫護人員們，

such as the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

像美國婦產科醫學學會，

have the opportunity to educate about the safety of sex during pregnancy.

有機會進行關於 孕期性行爲安全的教育。

So what do the experts say?

ACOG actually has no public official statement

美國婦產科醫學學會實際上沒有

about the safety of sex during pregnancy.

關於懷孕期間 性行爲安全的公開聲明。

馬約診所的引導方針 一般上是正面的，

Guidance from the Mayo Clinic is generally positive

但也提出了警示：

but presented with a caveat:

"Although most women can safely have sex throughout pregnancy,

「雖然大多數的女性 在懷孕期間的性行為是安全的，

sometimes it's best to be cautious."

有時最好還是要小心。 」

Some women don't want to have sex during pregnancy,

有些孕婦在懷孕期間 根本不想有性行為，

這沒關係。

and that's OK.

Some women do want to have sex during pregnancy,

有些孕婦想要有性行為

and that's OK, too.

一樣也沒有關係。

What needs to stop is society telling women

我們需要做的是社會不要再教導女性

對自己的身體什麼可以做， 什麼不可以做。

what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

(Applause)

（掌聲）

懷孕的女性不是沒有臉、 沒有人格的繁衍工具。

Pregnant women are not faceless, identity-less vessels of reproduction

who can't stand on their own two feet.

也不是不能用自己的雙腳站起來。

真相是，真正的秘密是，

But the truth is, the real secret is,

we tell all women that their sexual pleasure doesn't matter.

我們告訴所有的女性 他們的性愉悅是無關緊要的。

We refuse to even acknowledge that women who have sex with women

我們拒絕甚至承認 女性和女性有性行為，

或者有些女性不想要小孩， 這些的存在。

or women who don't want children even exist.

"Oh, it's just a phase ...

「哦，這只是一個階段……

she just needs the right man to come along."

她只是還沒找到一個合適的人。 」

每一次當女性有性行為，

Every time a woman has sex

simply because it feels good,

只是因為自己感覺好，

it is revolutionary.

那就是一次革命。

She is revolutionary.

她就是革命者。

She is pushing back against society's insistence

她敢於和社會的堅持抗爭，

對抗那些認為她的存在只是取悅男性

that she exist simply for men's pleasure

or for reproduction.

或繁衍的工具。

A woman who prioritizes her sexual needs is scary,

一個女人視自己的性需求 為優先是很可怕的，

because a woman who prioritizes her sexual needs prioritizes herself.

因為當她把自己的性需求放首位， 就是把自己放首位。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

That is a woman demanding that she be treated as an equal.

這是一個要求被平等對待的女性。

That is a woman who insists

這是一個堅持

that you make room for her at the table of power,

在權力的平臺上， 你要給她位置的女性。

and that is the most terrifying of all

最可怕的是，

because we can't make room for her

我們不可能給她位置，

without some of us giving up the extra space we hold.

如果現有的一些人 不願意讓出多的位置。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I have one last secret for you.

我有最後一個秘密分享給你們。

I am the mother of two boys

我是兩個男孩的母親，

and we could use your help.

我們需要得到你們的幫助。

Even though my boys hear me say regularly

雖然我的兒子經常聽我說，

把女性視爲平等對男性很重要

that it's important for men to recognize women as equals

and they see their father modeling this,

他們看到他們的父親也在這麽做，

我們需要在外面發生的 影響到我們的家。

we need what happens in the world to reinforce what happens in our home.

This is not a men's problem or a women's problem.

這不是男人或者女人的問題。

This is everyone's problem,

and we all play a role in dismantling systems of inequality.

我們在瓦解這個不平等的體系裡 都起著一些的作用。

For starters, we have got to stop telling women

首先，我們不要再教導女性 怎樣對待自己的身體

what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

(Applause)

（掌聲）

This includes not treating pregnant women like community property.

這包括不要再把孕婦 當成是社群的財產。

如果你不認識她， 就不要去碰她的肚子。

If you don't know her, don't even ask to touch her belly.

You wouldn't anybody else.

你不會對其他人這樣。

Don't tell her what she can and cannot eat.

不要教導她，什麼她能吃或不能吃。

Don't ask her private details about her medical decisions.

不要問她一些醫療的私密的細節，

This also includes understanding

這也包括

that even if you are personally against abortion,

就算你個人反對墮胎，

you can still fight for a woman's right to choose.

你還是可以為女性的選擇權去抗爭。

When it comes to women's equality, the two need not oppose one another.

當談到女性平等時， 兩性之間是不需要對立的。

If you're somebody who has sex with women,

如果你要和女人發生性行爲，

prioritize her pleasure.

把她的愉悅放首位。

If you don't know how, ask.

如果你不知道怎麽做，儘管問。

如果你有孩子──

If you have children --

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

have conversations about sex as early as possible,

儘早和他們開始關於性的交談，

because kids don't look up s-e-x in the dictionary anymore.

因爲孩子不會再去用字典 來查「性」這個字了。

They look it up on the internet.

他們會上網去查。

And when you're having those conversations about sex,

當你們有關於性的談話時，

don't center them on reproduction only.

不要只局限在繁衍的意義上。

People have sex for many reasons,

人因爲多種原因發生性行爲，

some because they want a baby,

有些因爲他們想要小孩，

but most of us have sex because it feels good.

但大多數人是因爲感覺很好。

Admit it.

承認吧。

And regardless of whether you have children or not,

不管你有沒有小孩，

support comprehensive sex education that doesn't shame our teenagers.

支持全面的性教育， 讓我們的青少年不會覺得羞愧。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

讓青少年為他們的 性欲望和性行爲感到羞愧，

Nothing positive comes from shaming teens

for their sexual desires, behaviors,

是沒有任何正面影響的，

只會產生性病測試的陽性， 和懷孕測試的陽性結果。

other than positive STD and pregnancy tests.

Every single day, we are all given the opportunity

每一天，我們都有機會

to disrupt patterns of inequality.

打破這個不平等的狀況。

I think we can all agree that it's worth the trouble to do so.

我想我們大家都贊同 這是不管怎麼麻煩都值得的。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）