Debra Jarvis: Yes, I survived cancer. But that doesn't define me

Translator: Susana Brandariz Reviewer: Mario Cal

I just met you on a bus,

Acabamos de encontrarnos no bus,

and we would really like to get to know each other,

gustaríanos moito coñecernos,

but I've got to get off at the next stop,

pero eu teño que baixarme na próxima parada,

so you're going to tell me three things about yourself

así que vanme dicir tres cousas sobre vostedes

that just define you as a person,

que os definan como persoas,

three things about yourself

tres cousas sobre vostedes

that will help me understand who you are,

que me axuden a entender quen son,

three things that just get to your very essence.

tres cousas que sexan algo esencial para vostedes.

And what I'm wondering

E pregúntome

is, of those three things,

destas tres cousas,

is any one of them

algunha delas

surviving some kind of trauma?

é sobrevivir a algún tipo de trauma?

Cancer survivor, rape survivor,

sobrevivir a un cancro, sobrevivir a unha violación,

Holocaust survivor, incest survivor.

sobrevivir a un Holocausto, sobrevivir a un incesto.

Ever notice how we tend to identify ourselves

Algunha vez repararon en como tendemos a identificarnos

by our wounds?

polas nosas feridas?

And where I have seen this survivor identity

E onde vin que esta identidade de sobrevivente

have the most consequences

ten máis consecuencias

is in the cancer community.

é entre os enfermos de cancro.

And I've been around this community for a long time,

Levo moito tempo en contacto con esta comunidade,

because I've been a hospice and a hospital chaplain

porque fun capelá en unidades de paliativos e hospitais

for almost 30 years.

durante case 30 anos.

And in 2005, I was working at a big cancer center

En 2005 estaba traballando nun gran centro oncolóxico

when I received the news that

cando recibín a noticia de que

my mother had breast cancer.

a miña nai tiña cancro de mama.

And then five days later,

E entón, cinco días despois,

I received the news that I had breast cancer.

recibín a noticia de que eu tiña cancro de mama.

My mother and I can be competitive —

A miña nai e máis eu podemos ser competitivas...

(Laughter) —

(Risas)

but I was really not trying to compete with her on this one.

pero eu non intentaba competir con ela neste caso.

And in fact, I thought, well,

E de feito, pensei:

ben, se tes que ter cancro,

if you have to have cancer,

it's pretty convenient to be working

é moi práctico estar traballando

at a place that treats it.

nun lugar onde o curan.

But this is what I heard from a lot of outraged people.

Pero isto é o que oín a moita xente indignada:

What?

"Que?

You're the chaplain.

Ti es a capelá.

You should be immune.

Deberías ser inmune."

Like, maybe I should have just gotten off

Como se debese recibir

with a warning instead of an actual ticket,

un aviso en lugar dunha multa,

because I'm on the force.

por traballar na policía.

So I did get my treatment at the cancer center where I worked,

Así que recibín tratamento no centro no que traballaba,

which was amazingly convenient,

o cal foi moi práctico,

and I had chemotherapy

e fixen quimioterapia

and a mastectomy, and a saline implant put in,

e unha mastectomía, e puxéronme un implante de solución salina,

and so before I say another word, let me just say right now,

e antes de continuar, déixenme dicilo

this is the fake one. (Laughter)

esta é a falsa. (Risas)

I have found that I need to get that out of the way,

Descubrín que preciso sacar iso de enriba,

because I'll see somebody go

antes de ver a alguén dicindo:

"Oh, I know it's this one."

"Oi, seguro que é esa."

And then I'll move or I'll gesture and they'll go,

E entón moveríame ou faría un xesto e dirían,

"No, it's that one."

"Non, é a outra."

So now you know.

Así que agora xa o saben.

I learned a lot being a patient,

Aprendín moito sendo paciente,

and one of the surprising things was

e unha cousa sorprendente foi

that only a small part of the cancer experience

que só unha pequena parte da experiencia do cancro

is about medicine.

ten que ver coa medicina.

Most of it is about feelings and faith

A maior parte vai sobre sentimentos e fe

and losing and finding your identity

e sobre perder e atopar a túa identidade

and discovering strength

e descubrir a forza

and flexibility you never even knew you had.

e a flexibilidade que nin sabías que tiñas.

It's about realizing that

Ten que ver con darse conta

the most important things in life are

de que o máis importante na vida

not things at all, but relationships,

non son as cousas, senón as relacións,

and it's about laughing in the face of uncertainty

e ten que ver con rir na cara da incerteza

and learning that the way to get out of almost anything

e aprender que a forma de liberarse de case todo

is to say, "I have cancer."

é dicir, "teño cancro."

So the other thing I learned was that

A outra cousa que aprendín foi que

I don't have to take on "cancer survivor"

non preciso asumir "sobrevivente de cancro"

as my identity,

como a miña identidade.

but, boy, are there powerful forces

pero por Deus que hai forzas poderosas

pushing me to do just that.

que me levan a facer exactamente iso.

Now, don't, please, misunderstand me.

Non me interpreten mal, por favor.

Cancer organizations

As organizacións contra o cancro

and the drive for early screening

e as campañas para a detección precoz

and cancer awareness and cancer research

e a concienciación e a investigación

have normalized cancer,

normalizaron o cancro,

and this is a wonderful thing.

e iso é estupendo.

We can now talk about cancer

Agora podemos falar do cancro

without whispering.

sen necesidade de baixar a voz.

We can talk about cancer and we can support one another.

Podemos falar do cancro e podemos apoiarnos mutuamente.

But sometimes, it feels

Pero ás veces, parece

like people go a little overboard

que a xente esaxera un pouco

and they start telling us how we're going to feel.

e comeza a dicirnos como nos imos sentir.

So about a week after my surgery,

Unha semana despois da miña cirurxía,

we had a houseguest.

tivemos un convidado na casa.

That was probably our first mistake.

Ese foi probablemente o noso primeiro erro.

And keep in mind that

E teñan presente que

at this point in my life

neste punto da miña vida

I had been a chaplain for over 20 years,

eu fora capelá durante máis de 20 anos,

and issues like dying and death

e temas como morrer e a morte

and the meaning of life,

e o significado da vida,

these are all things I'd been yakking about forever.

eran cousas das que falaba desde sempre.

So at dinner that night,

Aquela noite na cea,

our houseguest proceeds to stretch his arms up over his head,

o noso convidado estirou os brazos por detrás da cabeza,

and say, "You know, Deb,

e dixo: "Sabes, Deb,

now you're really going to learn what's important.

agora vas aprender realmente o que é importante.

Yes, you are going to make some big changes

Si, vas facer grandes cambios

in your life,

na túa vida,

and now you're going to start thinking about your death.

e vas comezar a pensar na túa morte.

Yep, this cancer is your wakeup call."

Si, este cancro é a túa chamada de atención."

Now, these are golden words

Estas son palabras valiosas

coming from someone who is speaking about

cando proveñen de alguén que fala

their own experience,

da súa propia experiencia,

but when someone is telling you

pero cando alguén che está dicindo

how you are going to feel,

como te vas sentir,

it's instant crap.

é unha estupidez.

The only reason I did not kill him

A única razón pola que non o matei

with my bare hands

coas miñas propias mans

was because I could not lift my right arm.

foi que non podía levantar o brazo dereito.

But I did say a really bad word to him,

Pero díxenlle unha palabra fea,

followed by a regular word, that —

e unha palabra normal, que...

(Laughter) —

(Risas)

made my husband say, "She's on narcotics."

levou ao meu marido a dicir: "Está medicada."

(Laughter)

(Risas)

And then after my treatment, it just felt like

E despois do tratamento,

everyone was telling me what my experience was going to mean.

era como que todos me dicían o que ía significar esta experiencia,

"Oh, this means you're going to be doing the walk."

"Isto significa que vas á andaina."

"Oh, this means you're coming to the luncheon."

"Iso significa que vés á comida."

"This means you're going to be wearing

"Iso significa que vas poñer o lazo rosa

the pink ribbon and the pink t-shirt

e a camiseta rosa

and the headband and the earrings

e a fita do pelo e os pendentes

and the bracelet and the panties."

e a pulseira e as bragas."

Panties. No, seriously, google it.

Bragas. Non, en serio, búsqueno en Google.

(Laughter)

(Risas)

How is that raising awareness?

Como axuda iso a concienciar?

Only my husband should be seeing my panties.

Só o meu marido me debería ver as bragas.

(Laughter)

(Risas)

He's pretty aware of cancer already.

El xa está bastante concienciado sobre o cancro.

It was at that point where I felt like, oh my God,

Foi nese punto cando pensei: "Meu Deus,

this is just taking over my life.

isto estase apoderando da miña vida."

And that's when I told myself, claim your experience.

E aí foi cando me dixen a min mesma: "Supera a túa experiencia.

Don't let it claim you.

Non deixes que ela te supere a ti."

We all know that

Todos sabemos que

the way to cope with trauma, with loss,

a forma de lidar cun trauma, cunha perda,

with any life-changing experience,

con calquera experiencia que che cambia a vida

is to find meaning.

é encontrarlle sentido.

But here's the thing:

Pero aí está a cuestión:

No one can tell us

Ninguén nos pode dicir

what our experience means.

o que significa a nosa experiencia.

We have to decide what it means.

Temos que decidilo nós.

And it doesn't have to be some gigantic,

E non ten que ser un significado enorme e extravertido.

extroverted meaning.

We don't all have to start a foundation

Non todos temos que crear unha fundación

or an organization or write a book

ou unha organización ou escribir un libro

or make a documentary.

ou facer un documental.

Meaning can be quiet

O significado pode ser discreto

and introverted.

e introvertido.

Maybe we make one small decision about our lives

Pode que tomemos unha pequena decisión sobre as nosas vidas

that can bring about big change.

que provoque un cambio grande.

Many years ago, I had a patient,

Hai moitos anos, tiven un paciente,

just a wonderful young man

un mozo estupendo,

who was loved by the staff,

o persoal adorábao,

and so it was something of a shock to us to realize

e por iso nos sorprendeu tanto descubrir

that he had no friends.

de que non tiña amigos.

He lived by himself,

Vivía só,

he would come in for chemotherapy by himself,

viña á quimioterapia só,

he would receive his treatment,

recibía o seu tratamento,

and then he'd walk home alone.

e volvía a casa só.

And I even asked him. I said, "Hey,

Eu ata lle preguntei:

how come you never bring a friend with you?"

"Porque nunca traes un amigo contigo?"

And he said, "I don't really have any friends."

E el dixo: “Eu non teño amigos.”

But he had tons of friends on the infusion floor.

Pero tiña moitos amigos na sala de tratamento.

We all loved him, and people were going in and out of his room all the time.

Todos o queriamos,

a xente entraba e saía continuamente do seu cuarto.

So at his last chemo,

Na última quimio

we sang him the song

cantámoslle unha canción,

and we put the crown on his head and we blew the bubbles,

puxémoslle unha coroa na cabeza e fixemos pompas de xabón.

and then I asked him, I said,

E eu pregunteille:

"So what are you going to do now?"

“Entón, que vas facer agora?”

And he answered,

E contestou:

"Make friends."

“Facer amigos.”

And he did.

E así o fixo.

He started volunteering and he made friends there,

Comezou a facer voluntariado e fixo amigos alí,

and he began going to a church and he made friends there,

e empezou a frecuentar unha igrexa e fixo amigos alí.

and at Christmas he invited my husband and me to a party in his apartment,

No Nadal o meu home e eu fomos a unha festa no seu apartamento,

and the place was filled with his friends.

e o lugar estaba cheo de amigos seus.

Claim your experience.

Supera a túa experiencia.

Don't let it claim you.

Non deixes que ela te supere a ti.

He decided that the meaning of his experience

El decidiu que o significado da súa experiencia

was to know the joy of friendship,

era coñecer a alegría da amizade,

and then learn to make friends.

e aprender a facer amigos.

So what about you?

E vostedes?

How are you going to find meaning

Como lle van encontrar significado

in your crappy experience?

á súa espantosa experiencia?

It could be a recent one,

Pode ser unha experiencia recente,

or it could be one that you've been carrying around

ou algo co que levan cargando moito tempo.

for a really long time.

It's never too late to change what it means,

Nunca é demasiado tarde para cambiar o que significa,

because meaning is dynamic.

porque o significado é algo dinámico.

What it means today

O significado de hoxe

may not be what it means a year from now,

pode que non sexa o mesmo de aquí a un ano, ou a dez.

or 10 years from now.

It's never too late to become someone other

Nunca e é demasiado tarde para chegar a ser algo máis

than simply a survivor.

ca un simple sobrevivente.

Hear how static that word sounds?

Perciben o estática que soa esta palabra?

Survivor.

Sobrevivente.

No movement, no growth.

Sen movemento, sen crecemento.

Claim your experience.

Superen a súa experiencia.

Don't let it claim you, because if you do,

Non deixen que ela os supere, porque senón,

I believe you will become trapped,

creo que acabarán atrapados,

you will not grow, you will not evolve.

non van crecer, non van evolucionar.

But of course, sometimes it's not outside pressures

Pero ás veces non son as presións externas

that cause us to take on that identity of survivor.

as que nos fan asumir esa identidade de sobrevivente.

Sometimes we just like the perks.

Ás veces só queremos os beneficios.

Sometimes there's a payoff.

Ás veces hai unha recompensa.

But then we get stuck.

Pero entón atascámonos.

Now, one of the first things I learned

Unha das primeiras cousas que aprendín

as a chaplain intern was the three C's

cando fun capelá foron os tres C

of the chaplain's job:

do traballo de capelá:

Comfort, clarify and, when necessary, confront

Consolar, clarificar e, se é preciso, confrontar

or challenge.

ou desafiar.

Now, we all pretty much love the comforting

A todos nos encanta consolar

and the clarifying.

e clarificar.

The confronting, not so much.

Confrontar non tanto.

One of the other things that I loved

Outra cousa que me encantaba

about being a chaplain was

de ser capelá era

seeing patients a year, or even several years

ver os pacientes un ou varios anos

after their treatment, because

despois do tratamento, porque

it was just really cool to see how they had changed

era xenial ver como cambiaran

and how their lives had evolved

e como evolucionaran as súas vidas

and what had happened to them.

e que lles acontecera.

So I was thrilled one day

Un día emocioneime

to get a page down into the lobby of the clinic

cando me chamou ao vestíbulo da clínica

from a patient who I had seen the year before,

unha paciente que atendera o ano anterior.

and she was there with her two adult daughters,

Estaba alí con dúas fillas adultas

who I also knew, for her one year follow-up exam.

que eu tamén coñecía, para o exame de seguimento do ano despois

So I got down to the lobby, and they were ecstatic

Así que baixei ao vestíbulo, e elas estaban eufóricas

because she had just gotten all of her test results back

porque recibiran os resultados das probas

and she was NED: No Evidence of Disease.

e indicaban Sen Evidencia de Enfermidade.

Which I used to think meant Not Entirely Dead.

Como eu dicía, Non Completamente Morta.

So they were ecstatic, we sat down to visit,

Así que estaban eufóricas, sentamos a charlar,

and it was so weird, because

e foi moi raro, porque

within two minutes, she started retelling me the story

en 2 minutos empezoume a contar de novo a historia

of her diagnosis and her surgery and her chemo,

da súa diagnose, da cirurxía e da quimio,

even though, as her chaplain, I saw her every week,

aínda que, ao ser a capelá, eu a visitaba todas as semanas,

and so I knew this story.

e coñecía a historia.

And she was using words like suffering,

E usaba palabras como sufrimento,

agony, struggle.

agonía, loita.

And she ended her story with,

E rematou a historia con:

"I felt crucified."

“Sentinme crucificada.”

And at that point, her two daughters got up and said,

E nese momento, as dúas fillas levantáronse e dixeron:

"We're going to go get coffee."

“Imos por un café.”

And they left.

E marcharon.

Tell me three things about yourself before the next stop.

Díganme tres cousas sobre vostedes antes da próxima parada.

People were leaving the bus before she even got

A xente estaba baixando do bus antes de que ela chegase

to number two or number three.

ao número dous ou ao tres.

So I handed her a tissue,

Entón deille un pano da man,

and I gave her a hug,

e unha aperta,

and then, because I really cared for this woman,

e despois, como ela me importaba de verdade,

I said,

díxenlle:

"Get down off your cross."

“Baixa da túa cruz.”

And she said, "What?"

E ela dixo: “Que?”

And I repeated, "Get down off your cross."

E eu repetín: “Baixa da túa cruz.”

And to her credit, she could talk about her reasons

Tiña ao seu favor que podía falar das razóns

for embracing and then clinging to this identity.

para adoptar esta identidade e agarrarse a ela.

It got her a lot of attention.

Prestábanlle moita atención.

People were taking care of her for a change.

Os demais coidaban dela, para variar.

But now, it was having the opposite effect.

Pero agora, estaba a ter o efecto contrario.

It was pushing people away.

Estaba afastando a xente.

People kept leaving to get coffee.

A xente marchaba por un café.

She felt crucified by her experience,

Sentíase crucificada pola experiencia,

but she didn't want to let that crucified self die.

pero non quería deixar morrer o seu eu crucificado.

Now, perhaps you are thinking

Se cadra están pensando

I was a little harsh with her,

que fun un pouco dura con ela,

so I must tell you that

así que debo dicirlles

I was speaking out of my own experience.

que estaba falando por experiencia propia.

Many, many years before,

Moitos anos antes,

I had been fired from a job that I loved,

botáranme dun traballo que adoraba,

and I would not stop talking about my innocence

e non paraba de falar da miña inocencia

and the injustice and the betrayal and the deceipt,

e da inxustiza, a traizón, a decepción,

until finally, just like this woman,

ata que ao final, como con esta muller,

people were walking away from me,

a xente escapaba de min,

until I finally realized

ata que me dei conta

I wasn't just processing my feelings,

de que non estaba procesando os meus sentimentos,

I was feeding them.

estaba alimentándoos.

I didn't want to let that crucified self die.

Non quería deixar morrer o meu eu crucificado.

But we all know that with any resurrection story,

Pero todos sabemos que nunha historia de resurrección,

you have to die first.

hai que morrer primeiro.

The Christian story,

Na historia cristiá,

Jesus was dead a whole day in the tomb

Xesús pasou un día enteiro no cadaleito

before he was resurrected.

antes de resucitar.

And I believe that for us,

Eu creo que para nós,

being in the tomb

estar no cadaleito

means doing our own deep inner work

significa facer un fondo traballo interior

around our wounds

sobre as nosas feridas

and allowing ourselves to be healed.

e permitirnos a nós mesmos curar.

We have to let that crucified self die

Temos que deixar que o eu crucificado morra

so that a new self, a truer self,

para que un novo eu, un eu verdadeiro,

is born.

poida nacer.

We have to let that old story go

Temos que deixar marchar esa historia vella

so that a new story, a truer story,

para que unha nova historia, máis verdadeira,

can be told.

poida ser contada.

Claim your experience. Don't let it claim you.

Superen a súa experiencia. Non deixen que ela os supere.

What if there were no survivors,

E se non existisen sobreviventes?

meaning, what if people decided

É dicir, e se a xente decidise

to just claim their trauma as an experience

reivindicar o seu trauma como experiencia

instead of taking it on as an identity?

en vez de asumilo como identidade?

Maybe it would be the end of being

Quizais acabaría o de estar

trapped in our wounds

atrapado nas nosas feridas

and the beginning of amazing

e sería o comezo dunha sorprendente

self-exploration and discovery and growth.

autoexploración, descubrimento e crecemento.

Maybe it would be the start of defining ourselves

Quizais comezariamos a definirnos a nós mesmos

by who we have become

polo que chegamos a ser

and who we are becoming.

e en que nos estamos convertendo.

So perhaps survivor was not

Ao mellor supervivente non era

one of the three things that you would tell me.

unha das tres cousas que me dirían.

No matter.

Non importa.

I just want you all to know that

Só quero que saiban

I am really glad that we are on this bus together,

que estou moi contenta de que esteamos xuntos neste bus,

and this is my stop.

e esta é a miña parada.

(Applause)

(Aplausos)