Ismael Nazario: What I learned as a kid in jail

譯者: Melody Tang 審譯者: 杏儀 歐陽

We need to change the culture in our jails and prisons,

我們必須改變我們的 拘留所和監獄裡的文化，

especially for young inmates.

尤其是年輕囚犯的監獄。

New York state is one of only two in the U.S.

美國僅有兩個州自動將16歲和17歲 的年輕人以成年人逮捕和審判，

that automatically arrests and tries 16- to 17-year-olds as adults.

而紐約就是其中之一。

This culture of violence takes these young people

這個暴力的文化將這些年輕人

and puts them in a hostile environment,

放入一個惡劣的環境裡，

and the correctional officers pretty much allow any and everything to go on.

而懲教人員幾乎允許任何事發生。

There's not really much for these young people to do

這些年輕人幾乎無法

to actually enhance their talent and actually rehabilitate them.

切實提升他們的才華 或真正改過自新。

Until we can raise the age of criminal responsibility to 18,

在我們能夠將刑事責任的年齡 提高到18歲以前，

we need to focus on changing the daily lives of these young people.

我們必須著力於改變 這些年輕人的日常生活。

I know firsthand.

我是過來人。

Before I ever turned 18,

在我18歲以前，

I spent approximately 400 days on Rikers Island,

我在賴克斯島監獄 待了大約400天。

and to add to that

此外

I spent almost 300 days in solitary confinement,

我大約300天被關禁閉。

and let me tell you this:

我可以告訴你們：

Screaming at the top of your lungs all day on your cell door

在你的牢房門內整日盡全力尖叫，

or screaming at the top of your lungs out the window,

或者對著窗戶外大聲嘶喊，

it gets tiring.

你只是累了自己。

Since there's not much for you to do while you're in there,

因為在那裡面你無事可做，

you start pacing back and forth in your cell,

你開始在牢房內來回走，

you start talking to yourself,

你開始自言自語，

your thoughts start running wild,

你的念頭開始變得瘋狂，

and then your thoughts become your own worst enemy.

接著你的念頭成為 你自己最大的敵人。

Jails are actually supposed to rehabilitate a person,

監獄本來應該是要改造一個人，

not cause him or her to become more angry,

而不是讓他或她變成更憤怒，

frustrated, and feel more hopeless.

更挫折，和覺得沒有希望。

Since there's not a discharge plan put in place for these young people,

因為沒有為這些年輕人設計的 出獄計劃，

they pretty much reenter society with nothing.

他們基本上赤手空拳回到社會上。

And there's not really much for them to do to keep them from recidivating.

他們很快就重踏覆轍。

But it all starts with the C.O.s.

這些是從矯正人員開始。

It's very easy for some people

許多人很容易

to look at these correctional officers as the good guys

就認為矯正人員是好人，

and the inmates as the bad guys,

而囚犯是壞人，

or vice versa for some,

或者反過來。

but it's a little more than that.

其實不是這麼簡單。

See, these C.O.s are normal, everyday people.

你知道，這些矯正人員 也是一般的普通人。

They come from the same neighborhoods as the population they "serve."

他們與他們「服務」的那些人 是同一地方出身的。

They're just normal people.

他們就是一般的普通人。

They're not robots, and there's nothing special about them.

他們不是機器人， 也沒有特殊的地方。

They do pretty much everything anybody else in society does.

他們做的事和社會其他人一樣。

The male C.O.s want to talk and flirt with the female C.O.s.

男性矯正人員喜歡 與女性矯正人員說話和調情。

They play the little high school kid games with each other.

他們彼此玩和高中生一樣的遊戲。

They politic with one another.

他們彼此勾心鬥角。

And the female C.O.s gossip to each other.

而女性矯正人員彼此嚼舌根。

So I spent numerous amounts of time with numerous amounts of C.O.s,

我曾與許多的矯正人員 相處了許多時間。

and let me tell you about this one in particular named Monroe.

我來談談很特別的一位， 名字是曼若。

One day he pulled me in between the A and B doors

有一天，他把我拉到A門和B門之間

which separate the north and south sides of our housing unit.

那是南北兩個住在單位的分界處。

He pulled me there because I had a physical altercation

他拉我去那裡因為

with another young man in my housing unit,

我和另一個和我同住宅單位 的另一個年輕人打架。

and he felt, since there was a female officer working on the floor,

他覺得，因為那裡 有一位女性矯正人員，

that I violated his shift.

我侵犯了他的值班。

So he punched me in my chest.

他打了我的胸口。

He kind of knocked the wind out of me.

我被他打得七暈八素。

I wasn't impulsive, I didn't react right away,

我沒有衝動， 我沒有馬上反應

because I know this is their house.

因為我知道這是他們的地方。

I have no wins.

我絕對無法贏。

All he has to do is pull his pin and backup will come immediately.

只要他拉他的傳呼機 其他警衛就馬上會過來。

So I just gave him a look in his eyes

所以我只是瞪著他

and I guess he saw the anger and frustration just burning,

我猜他看到我的憤怒和挫折在燃燒，

and he said to me,

他就說，

"Your eyes are going to get you in a lot of trouble,

「你的眼神會讓你吃大虧，

because you're looking like you want to fight."

因為你看起來想要打架。」

So he commenced to taking off his utility belt,

他開始解開他的制服腰帶，

he took off his shirt and his badge,

他脫下他的襯衫和徽章，

and he said, "We could fight."

然後他說，「我們來打吧！」

So I asked him, "You gonna hold it down?"

我就問他，「你會壓著嗎？」

Now, that's a term that's commonly used on Rikers Island

那是我們在賴克斯島監獄 常用的說法，

meaning that you're not going to say anything to anybody,

意思是這件事你不會告訴任何人，

and you're not going to report it.

你也不會打報告。

He said, "Yeah, I'm gonna hold it down. You gonna hold it down?"

他說，「對，我會壓著。 那你也會壓著嗎？」

I didn't even respond.

我沒回答。

I just punched him right in his face,

我就揮拳打了他的臉，

and we began fighting right then and there.

我們就開始在那裡打了一架。

Towards the end of the fight, he slammed me up against the wall,

快結束時，他將我按向牆壁，

so while we were tussled up, he said to me, "You good?"

我們仍在扭打時， 他問我，「你還好吧？」

as if he got the best of me,

好像他認為他贏了。

but in my mind, I know I got the best of him,

但我心裡知道我贏了他，

so I replied very cocky,

我就很臭屁地回答，

"Oh, I'm good, you good?"

「喔，我還好，你呢？」

He said, "Yeah, I'm good, I'm good."

他說，「是啊，我還好，我還好。」

We let go, he shook my hand, said he gave me my respect,

我們放開彼此， 他握我的手，說他尊敬我，

gave me a cigarette and sent me on my way.

給我一支香菸，讓我走。

Believe it or not, you come across some C.O.s on Rikers Island

你相信嗎？在賴克斯島監獄， 你會碰到一些矯正人員

that'll fight you one-on-one.

要和你一對一對打。

They feel that they understand how it is,

他們覺得他們了解你的感受。

and they feel that I'm going to meet you where you're at.

他們覺得我要為你設身處地。

Since this is how you commonly handle your disputes,

因為你們通常就是這樣處理糾紛，

we can handle it in that manner.

我們也可以這樣解決。

I walk away from it like a man, you walk away from it like a man,

我展現了男子大丈夫的氣魄， 你也展現了男子大丈夫的氣魄。

and that's it.

就是如此。

Some C.O.s feel that they're jailing with you.

一些矯正人員覺得他們和我們坐牢。

This is why they have that mentality and that attitude

所以他們才有那樣的心理和態度，

and they go by that concept.

也以那樣的理念做事。

In some instances, we're in it together with the C.O.s.

有一些情況下， 我們與矯正人員同甘共苦。

However, institutions need to give these correctional officers

然而，有關機關應該對這些矯正人員

proper trainings on how to properly deal with the adolescent population,

給予如何正確處理青少年的訓練，

and they also need to give them proper trainings

以及給予他們

on how to deal with the mental health population as well.

如何處理心理健康的正確訓練。

These C.O.s play a big factor in these young people's lives

這些矯正人員對這些年輕人的生命，

for x amount of time until a disposition is reached on their case.

在他們的案子尚未得到懲處的決定前 的那段時間起很大的作用。

So why not try to mentor these young people while they're there?

所以我們為什麼不對這些年輕人 在那段時間好好輔導？

Why not try to give them some type of insight to make a change,

何不給他們一些得以創造改變的想法，

so once they reenter back into society,

使他們在重回社會時

they're doing something positive?

可以做出正面的行為？

A second big thing to help our teens in jails is better programming.

另一件可以在監獄幫助我們少年人的是 比較好的方案。

When I was on Rikers Island, the huge thing was solitary confinement.

當我在賴克斯島監獄的時候， 最大的懲罰是關禁閉。

Solitary confinement was originally designed

單獨禁閉本來是為了

to break a person mentally, physically and emotionally.

降伏一個人的身、心以及情緒而設計。

That's what it was designed for.

為了那樣的目的而設計。

The U.S. Attorney General recently released a report

美國總檢察長最近發佈一個報告

stating that they're going to ban solitary confinement

說明他們在紐約州將要禁止 對於青年人單獨監禁。

in New York state for teens.

說明他們在紐約州將要禁止 對於青年人單獨監禁。

One thing that kept me sane while I was in solitary confinement was reading.

當我在被關禁閉時 唯一讓我維持理智的是閱讀。

I tried to educate myself as much as possible.

我嘗試儘可能地教育我自己。

I read any and everything I could get my hands on.

我閱讀我能夠拿到任何書。

And aside from that, I wrote music and short stories.

除此以外，我也寫歌和短篇小說。

Some programs that I feel would benefit our young people

我認為可以幫助我們的年輕人的是

are art therapy programs

提供一些有關藝術治療的方案

for the kids that like to draw and have that talent,

給那些喜歡畫畫也有天分的孩子們。

and what about the young individuals that are musically inclined?

對於那些對音樂有興趣的孩子們呢？

How about a music program for them that actually teaches them

何不提供他們一些

學習寫歌和創作音樂的方案呢？

how to write and make music?

Just a thought.

那是我的想法。

When adolescents come to Rikers Island,

當青少年來到賴克斯島監獄，

C74, RNDC is the building that they're housed in.

他們被安排在C74, RNDC 那棟建築物。

That's nicknamed "gladiator school,"

那裡被暱稱為「角鬥士學校」。

because you have a young individual coming in from the street

因為一個青少年 從他們所混的街道來到這裡，

thinking that they're tough,

認為自己很厲害。

being surrounded by a bunch of other young individuals

但是他的周圍的其他年輕人

from all of the five boroughs, and everybody feels that they're tough.

也是從各行各業來的， 每個人都認為自己很厲害。

So now you have a bunch of young gentlemen poking their chests out

這些年輕人各不相讓

feeling that I have to prove I'm equally as tough as you

覺得我必須證明我和你們一樣厲害，

or I'm tougher than you, you and you.

或者我比你、你和你更厲害。

But let's be honest:

我們彼此坦誠：

That culture is very dangerous and damaging to our young people.

那個文化對我們的年輕人 非常危險且具傷害性。

We need to help institutions and these teens realize

我們必須幫助機構和這些青年了解

that they don't have to lead the previous lifestyle that they led

他們不要再重複以前 在街道混的生活方式。

when they were on the street, that they can actually make a change.

他們是可以改變的。

It's sad to report that while I was in prison,

當我在監獄時，非常悲哀的是

I used to hear dudes talking about when they get released from prison,

我經常聽到混混討論 他們從監獄出去後，

what type of crimes they're going to commit

他們回到所混的街道時

when they get back in the street.

要做的罪行。

The conversations used to sound something like this:

那些對話大都像這樣：

"Oh, when I hit the street, my brother got this connection

「哦，當我出去後， 我兄弟有這樣或

for this, that and the third,"

那樣的關係。」

or, "My man over here got this connection for the low price.

或者，「我那裡的人有關係 可以拿到很低的價格。

Let's exchange information,"

我們互相交流訊息吧。」

and, "When we hit the town, we're going to do it real big."

或者，「當我們出去時， 我們要好好幹一票。」

I used to hear these conversations and think to myself, "Wow,

我那時聽到這些對話時， 我心想，「哇，

these dudes are really talking about going back in the street

這些人真的在討論他們出去時

and committing future crimes."

要犯的罪。」

So I came up with a name for that:

我就為他們取了一個名字：

I called it a go-back-to-jail-quick scheme

我稱之為「快速回監牢的計畫」。

because really, how long is that going to last?

因為，老實說， 他們可以逍遙法外多久？

You get a retirement plan with that?

那是一個退休計畫嗎？

Nice little pension? 401(k)? 403(b)?

其中有退休金嗎？ 例如401(k)或403(b)嗎?

You get health insurance? Dental?

你會有健康和牙齒保險嗎？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But I will tell you this:

但是我告訴你們：

Being in jail and being in prison,

在拘留所或在監獄裡，

I came across some of the most intelligent, brilliant,

我曾遇見一些我所認識的人 當中最聰明、才華橫溢，

and talented people that I would ever meet.

以及很有天分的人。

I've seen individuals take a potato chip bag

我看過一些人將一個馬鈴薯片的袋子

and turn it into the most beautiful picture frame.

做成一個非常美麗的鏡框。

I've seen individuals take the state soap that's provided for free

我看過另一些人將免費提供的肥皂

and turn them into the most beautiful sculptures

雕成非常優美的雕刻品。

that would make Michelangelo look like a kindergartner made it.

相比之下，米開蘭基羅的作品看起來 像是幼稚園兒童的作品。

At the age of 21, I was in a maximum-security prison

在我21歲時，我被關在 一所戒備最森嚴的監獄。

called Elmira Correctional Facility.

那個監獄叫做埃爾邁拉懲教監獄。

I just came out of the weight shack from working out,

有一次，我剛從運動中心 做完舉重出來，

and I saw an older gentleman that I knew standing in the middle of the yard

我看到一位認識的老先生 站在庭院中間

just looking up at the sky.

向上望著天空。

Mind you, this older gentlemen was serving a 33-and-a-third-to-life sentence

你要知道，這位老先生正在 服33又3分之一年到無期徒刑。

in which he already had served 20 years of that sentence.

那時他已經服了20年的刑期。

So I walk up to him and I said,

我走向他，我說，

"O.G., what's going on, man, you good?"

「O.G., 有什麼事嗎，你還好吧？」

He looked at me, and he said, "Yeah, I'm good, young blood."

他看著我，然後會說， 「是啊，我很好，年輕人。」

I'm like, "So what are you looking up at the sky for, man?

我說，「老兄。你在看天空什麼呢？

What's so fascinating up there?"

上面有什麼迷人的東西嗎？」

He said, "You look up and you tell me what you see."

他說，「你自己看看， 再告訴我你看到什麼。」

"Clouds." (Laughter)

「有雲。」（笑聲）

He said, "All right. What else do you see?"

他說，「好。還有呢？」

At that time, it was a plane passing by.

那時，有一架飛機飛過。

I said, "All right, I see an airplane."

我說，「好啊！我看到一架飛機。」

He said, "Exactly, and what's on that airplane?" "People."

他說，「對，飛機有什麼？」 （我說）「有人」

"Exactly. Now where's that plane and those people going?"

（他說）「沒錯。那架飛機和那些人 要去那裡？」

"I don't know. You know?

（我說）「我不知道。你知道嗎？

Please let me know if you do. Then let me get some lottery numbers."

如果你知道，請告訴我。 然後請你也給我樂透的號碼。」

He said, "You're missing the big picture, young blood.

他說，「年輕人，你不知道重點。

That plane with those people is going somewhere,

那架飛機和那些人正要去某個地方，

while we're here stuck.

而我們卡住在這裡。

The big picture is this:

重點是：

That plane with those people going somewhere,

那架飛機和那些人要去某個地方，

that's life passing us by while we behind these walls, stuck."

那就是我們卡在監獄裡所錯過的生命。」

Ever since that day,

從那天開始，

that sparked something in my mind and made me know I had to make a change.

那天引發了我的心中某處， 我知道我必須改變。

Growing up, I was always a good, smart kid.

在成長過程中，我一直是 一個聰明的好孩子。

Some people would say I was a little too smart for my own good.

有些人會說我聰明過頭了。

I had dreams of becoming an architect or an archaeologist.

我夢想成為建築師或考古學家。

Currently, I'm working at the Fortune Society,

現在，我在幸運協會任職，

which is a reentry program,

那是一個協助服刑者 重新回到社會的計畫。

and I work with people as a case manager that are at high risk for recidivism.

我是幫助有高機率成為累犯的 專案經理。

So I connect them with the services that they need

我在他們出獄時， 幫他們聯繫他們所需的服務

once they're released from jail and prison

我在他們出獄時， 幫他們聯繫他們所需的服務

so they can make a positive transition back into society.

以使他們能順利的重新融入社會。

If I was to see my 15-year-old self today,

如果我今天看著15歲時候的我，

I would sit down and talk to him and try to educate him

我會坐下來，嘗試開導和教育他。

and I would let him know, "Listen, this is me. I'm you.

我會讓他知道， 「聽著，這是我，我就是你。

This is us. We are one.

這是我們。我們是一體的。」

Everything that you're about to do, I know what you're gonna do

你將要做的任何事， 我在你要做之前就知道。

before you do it because I already did it,

因為我以前曾經做過，

and I would encourage him not to hang out with x, y and z people.

我會勸他不要和那幾個人在一起。

I would tell him not to be in such-and-such place.

我會告訴他不要去那些地方。

I would tell him, keep your behind in school, man,

我會勸他務必要上學，

because that's where you need to be,

因為那是你應該做的，

because that's what's going to get you somewhere in life.

因為那才能讓你未來生命有發展。

This is the message that we should be sharing

這就是我們應該要與 我們年輕的男生和女生分享的訊息。

with our young men and young women.

這就是我們應該要與 我們年輕的男生和女生分享的訊息。

We shouldn't be treating them as adults and putting them in cultures of violence

我們不應將他們視為成年人 放他們在暴力的文化裡。

that are nearly impossible for them to escape.

否則他們幾乎永遠無法逃離。

Thank you.

謝謝！

(Applause)

（掌聲）