How I fail at being disabled | Susan Robinson

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Shyun-ning Jao

I'd like to introduce you to my mom.

我想跟你們介紹我媽。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I'm guessing that's not what you expected,

我想這不是你們所預期的，

and it's not what I expected either,

那也不是我所預期的，

and thank goodness I realized that an Asian man was not my mom

感謝老天，在我擁抱 這個亞裔男人之前

before I hugged him,

我有先發現他不是我媽，

because that would have been so awkward.

不然應該會很尷尬。

Recognizing people isn't one of my strengths

我不擅長認人，

due to a genetic visual impairment that has no correction or cure.

原因是基因性視覺損傷， 且這是無藥可救的。

As a result, I am legally blind,

因此，我算是法定的盲人。

though I prefer "partially sighted" because it's more optimistic.

不過我偏好說「有部份視力」， 因為這樣聽起來比較樂觀。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I'm entitled to the label "disabled."

我具有拿「殘障」標籤的資格。

I hate the word disabled when it's used to describe people.

我討厭聽到用「殘障」 這個詞來形容人。

It detonates a mindset of less than

它會觸發一種「較差」的心態，

that utterly disregards capacity,

那種心態會完全漠視才能、

ability, potential,

能力、潛力，

instead prioritizing brokenness

反而把殘缺與不足

and lack.

放在第一。

The perspective can be overt.

這種觀點可能是很公開表現的，

What can't he do for himself that I'm going to have to do for him?

為什麼他不能自己做， 還要我來幫他做？

She'll probably need some accommodation

她可能會需要一些這個行業

that no other employee at this business needs.

其他員工都不需要的工作調整。

Sometimes, the hidden bias

有時，隱藏的偏見

is so sweetly conveyed.

傳達地十分愜意且甜蜜。

"Wow, Susan,

「哇，蘇珊，

look at everything you've done in your career and your life.

看看你在職涯和人生 所成就的一切，

How did you do all of that and be visually impaired?"

你是如何做到這些， 同時還能有視障？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I fail at being disabled.

我沒有成功做到殘障。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So in the spirit of incentivizing the rampant failure

所以，出於獎勵遍及全世界的

of people all over the world

人們的失敗，

and enticing the so-called normal to just give it a rest already,

並誘使所謂的正常人放它一馬，

here are five tips

以下是五個秘訣，

to fail at being disabled.

教你如何不要成功做到殘障。

Tip one:

密訣一：

know your superpowers.

要知道你的超能力是什麼。

The best team I ever led in my career

我職涯中領導過最棒的團隊，

was based on superpowers,

是以超能力為基礎的團隊，

and we even gave ourselves fancy-pantsy titles

我們甚至會給自己取花俏的稱號，

like "the Pillar of Masterly Acumen."

比如，「大師級敏銳的棟梁」、

"The Biscuit Butterer."

「麵包奶油人」、

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"The Voice of Reason."

「理性的聲音。」

Because we relied on our strengths,

因為我們仰賴我們的長處，

our best strengths,

我們最強的長處，

we achieved tremendous outcomes.

來達到極大的成就。

The trait that prevents me from recognizing my mom

讓我無法認出我媽的那項特質，

allows me to smoothly adapt,

也是讓我能平順地適應的特質，

to quickly absorb and accurately process an exhausting volume of cues,

讓我能快速吸收、正確處理 極大量信號的特質，

tease out what's important,

能理清什麼是重要的，

determine multiple processes or potentials for any situation that I'm in,

對我身處的情境， 能判斷多個過程或可能性，

and then select the one that makes the most sense,

然後選出當中最合理的，

all in a matter of seconds.

以上全都在幾秒鐘內完成。

I see what other people do not.

我能看見他人看不見的東西。

Some people think that's a superpower,

有些人認為那就是超能力，

but my real superpowers

但我真正的超能力

are ricocheting off of glass walls --

是閃過玻璃牆。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

and letting my friends walk around with kale in their teeth.

還有一項是讓我朋友牙縫中 夾著菜還到處行走不自知。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It's true. Don't have lunch with me,

那是真的，別跟我一起吃中餐，

or dinner.

或晚餐。

Tip two: be supremely skilled,

密訣二：要極度熟練，

supremely skilled at getting it wrong.

極度熟練「弄錯」。

It is important to be as equally confident in your superpowers

很重要的一點，是對你的 超能力的信心，

as you are in you FUBARs.

要和對 FUBAR 的信心一樣強。

That's "effed up beyond all recognition"

FUBAR 是狗屁倒灶的簡稱，

for you millennials.

給千禧世代的朋友參考。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Here's a good example.

這裡有個好例子。

It is not a great idea to say,

當不小心走到男更衣室時，

"Don't worry, everything in here is too small for me to see"

這麼說可能不是一個 好主意：「別擔心，

when you accidentally walk into the men's room --

這裡的一切都太小了， 我也看不見。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

at one of the world's largest sporting arenas --

而且是在世界最大的體育場裡面。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

or anywhere.

其他地方也一樣。

I really wish that one wasn't true.

我真希望這例子不是真實的。

I'm serious. It is better to just walk out and let them think you're drunk.

我是說真的，就算直接走出去， 讓他們以為你是醉了都還比較好。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Tip three: know that everyone is disabled in some way,

秘訣三：要知道，每個人多少 在某方面都是殘障的。

like when you have a cold and you can't smell

比如你有感冒時你聞不到味道，

and you realize that the milk that you splashed in your coffee was sour

你發現你剛倒入咖啡的牛奶是酸的，

only after you've tasted it.

但你是嚐了之後才知道。

Very recently, a woman walked up to me frantic.

最近，有個女子抓狂般地走向我，

She could not find the bakery she was looking for.

她找不到她要找的麵包店。

As I motioned in the direction I thought she should go,

我告訴她她應該走什麼方向，

saying, "There are no stores on this side of the street

說：「在街的這一側沒有店家，

so your best bet is to cross --"

所以比較有可能是要過馬路……」

"Oh my goodness," she interrupted.

「噢，我的天，」她打斷我的話。

"There it is.

「它就在那裡。

All I needed was another set of eyes."

我不過是需要另一雙眼幫我找。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I just let her have it.

我沒有多說什麼。

I would have said that, you know,

我本來可以說，你知道的，

being logical and paying attention

理性點，多留意，

and staying calm would have done the trick,

保持冷靜，其實就能找到了，

but who am I?

但我算哪根蔥？

Tip four: point out the disability in others.

秘訣四：指出他人的殘疾。

This one is best reserved -- very important note --

這項秘訣最好保留── 非常重要的注意事項 ──

this one is best reserved for people you know well,

這項秘訣最好保留給你很熟的人，

because random strangers typically don't appreciate

因為隨機陌生人通常不會喜歡

teachable moments.

聽說教的時刻。

A few years ago, my parents and I went to see the Rockettes,

幾年前，我父母和我 去看 Rockettes 舞團，

Radio City's high-kicking dancers.

無線電城音樂廳中 腿能踢很高的舞者們。

I leaned over to my dad.

我靠向我爸：

"The two Rockettes on the left aren't kicking in a straight line."

「左側的兩個舞者沒有踢一直線。」

"Yes, they are."

「有啊，他們有。」

"No, they're not."

「沒有，他們沒有。」

"Yes, they are, and how do you know?

「有啊，他們有。 而且，你怎麼知道？

You can't see."

你又看不見。」

But I know what a straight line looks like.

但我知道直線看起來是什麼樣子，

I had snapped a picture during our back and forth

在我們你來我往講話時， 我拍了一張照片，

and presented him the evidence that proved I was right.

給他看證據，證明我是對的。

He looked at the picture.

他看著照片。

I leaned in further.

我又更靠近了一點。

"Who's disabled now?"

「現在誰才是殘障啊？」

Tip five: pursue audacious goals.

秘訣五：追尋大膽的目標。

Flip expectation upside down

把期望翻轉過來，

and shove limitation off a cliff to meet its demise.

把限制推下懸崖讓它摔死。

There is a college football linebacker

有一名大學橄欖球後衛，

who blitzes, tackles, recovers fumbles

他急襲、阻截、取回漏接的球，

while having one hand.

但他只有一隻手。

There is a teacher who successfully transfers knowledge

有一個老師成功地把知識傳授、

and inspires countless students

鼓舞無數的學生，

while living with Down syndrome.

但自己卻有唐氏症。

And for me,

而我呢，

on my long list,

在我很長的清單上，

to cycle from Kathmandu, Nepal, to Darjeeling, India

從尼泊爾加德滿都 騎單車到印度大吉嶺，

on the backseat of a bicycle built for two.

騎兩人協力車，我坐後座。

It will be an exciting 620-mile adventure,

那將會是很刺激的 620 英哩冒險，

and I'm sure I will have the blurry photos to show for it.

且我相信我會有些 很模糊不清的照片可以炫耀。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Oh, before we go on, I forgot to introduce you to my mom.

噢，在我們繼續之前， 我忘了向你們介紹我媽。

I need to do that.

我得介紹一下。

And here she is,

這就是她，

as she would appear to me

如果我要在人群中找她，

if I were looking through a crowd of people looking for her.

我眼中的她看起來就是這個樣子的。

Or is that an Asian man?

還是這是個亞洲男子？

Thank you.

謝謝大家。

(Applause)

（掌聲）