"A Bird Made of Birds" | Sarah Kay

譯者: Amanda Zhu 審譯者: Bruce Sung

I have a friend named Kaveh Akbar, who is a fellow poet.

我有個朋友名叫卡非•阿克巴， 他和我一樣是個詩人。

And Kaveh found this photo online

在網路上，他發現一張 藍鯨心臟的解剖照片，

of the anatomical heart of a blue whale

that scientists had hung on a hook from the ceiling,

科學家用鉤子把心臟 從天花板懸吊下來，

which is how they were able to observe that the heart of a blue whale

這樣他們就能看到

藍鯨的心臟之大， 容得下一個人站在裡面。

is big enough that a person can stand up fully inside of it.

And when Kaveh shared this photo online,

卡非在網路上分享這張照片時，

he did so with the caption,

加上了這樣的文字：

"This is another reminder

「這再度提醒你，

that the universe has already written the poem you were planning on writing."

你計畫要寫的詩， 老天爺已經寫過了。」

And when I first saw that, I was horrified.

我看見時，驚懼萬分。

I was like, "Come on, man! I'm trying to invent new metaphors!

我心想：「喂！ 我還想發明新的隱喻呢！

I'm trying to discover beauty that hasn't been discovered yet.

我還想發掘還沒被發現過的美。

What do you mean, the universe is always going to get there before me?"

你是說老天爺總會比我快一步嗎？」

And I know this isn't a uniquely poet problem,

我知道這不是只有詩人才有的問題，

but on days when the world feels especially big

當我們感到世界太大、

or especially impossible

太不可思議、

or especially full of grandeur,

太壯麗宏偉時，

those are the days when I feel,

我就會感覺：

"What do I possibly have to contribute

「身為詩人，我還有甚麼 值得貢獻的呢？」

to all of this?"

Not long ago, I saw this video that some of you may have seen.

不久前，我看到一個影片， 你們可能已經看過了。

It makes the internet rounds every couple of months.

這影片每兩個月 就在網路上發燒一次。

There are these birds that are called starlings,

有一種鳥叫做椋鳥，

and they fly in what's called a "murmuration,"

牠們集體飛行的樣子， 稱為「鳥雲」，

which is generally just a big cloud of birds.

就是一大群鳥在天空飛翔， 樣子像朵雲。

And someone happened to catch a quick video on their phone

有人用手機捕捉到椋鳥飛行的短片。

of these starlings flying.

And at first, it's just an amorphous blob,

剛開始只是沒有特定隊形的一群鳥，

and then there's a moment where the birds shift,

然後一瞬間，隊形開始變換，

and they form the shape of a starling

在天空中排成一隻椋鳥的形狀！

in the sky!

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And as soon as I saw it, I was like,

我一看到這個景象，就心想：

(Gasps) "The universe has already written the poem

（喘氣聲）「你計畫要寫的詩，

you were planning on writing!"

老天爺已經寫過了。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Except, for the first time, it didn't fill me with despair.

但是這次，我並不感到絕望。

Instead, I thought, "OK.

我倒是想：「好吧，

Maybe it's not my job to invent something new.

我的任務可能不是發明新東西，

Maybe instead it's my job to listen to what the universe is showing me

而是要聽聽老天爺要告訴我些甚麼，

and to keep myself open to what the universe offers,

然後以開放的心胸來面對，

so that when it's my turn,

等輪到我的時候，

I can hold something to the light,

我可以有東西可以呈現，

just for a moment,

就算只是一瞬間，

just for as long as I have.

只是我擁有的一瞬間。」

The universe has already written the poem

你計畫要寫的詩，

that you were planning on writing.

老天爺已經寫過了。

And this is why

這就是為什麼

you can do nothing but point at the flock of starlings

你只能指著那群鳥，

whose bodies rise and fall in inherited choreography,

看著牠們的身體以與生俱來的 舞姿上下移動，編起隊伍，

swarming the sky in a sweeping curtain

成群飛翔，像是在天空中拉起窗簾，

that, for one blistering moment,

就在火熱的一瞬間，

forms the unmistakeable shape

排成那明顯的椋鳥形狀，

of a giant bird

flapping against the sky.

在天空中揮舞著巨大的翅膀。

It is why your mouth forms an "o"

這時你的嘴巴張成「o」的形狀，

that is not a gasp,

但這不是個吃驚的表情，

but rather, the beginning of,

而是正要開口說：

"Oh. Of course."

｢哦！當然了。｣

As in, of course the heart of a blue whale is as large as a house

當然藍鯨的心臟跟房子一樣大，

with chambers tall enough to fit a person standing.

心室裡容得下一個人站在裡面。

Of course a fig becomes possible

當然無花果得以結果，

when a lady wasp lays her eggs inside a flower,

因為雌黃蜂在花裡產下蛋後，

dies and decomposes,

在花中死去並腐朽，

the fruit, evidence of her transformation.

無花果實，就是她生命變幻的證據。

Sometimes, the poem is so bright,

有時候，你的詩太巧妙，

your silly language will not stick to it.

文字太愚蠢，描寫不出那巧妙。

Sometimes, the poem is so true,

有時候，你的詩太真實，

nobody will believe you.

反而沒有人相信你。

I am a bird

我是一隻用鳥群

made of birds.

做成的鳥。

This blue heart a house you can stand up inside of.

我是一個跟房子一樣大的藍色心臟， 你可以站在裡面。

I am dying

我將死，

here

在此，

inside this flower.

在這朵花裡。

It is OK.

沒有關係，

It is what I was put here to do.

這就是我此生要做的。

Take this fruit.

請享用這果實，

It is what I have to offer.

這是我所能貢獻的。

It may not be first,

這可能不是第一個果實，

or ever best,

或最好的果實，

but it is the only way to be sure

但因這果實，我確定

that I lived at all.

我曾經活過。

(Applause)

（掌聲）