Technology hasn't changed love. Here's why | Helen Fisher

翻译人员: Tingting Zhong 校对人员: Jing Peng

I was recently traveling in the Highlands of New Guinea,

最近，我正在新几内亚高地旅行

and I was talking with a man who had three wives.

我访谈了一位有三个老婆的人

I asked him, "How many wives would you like to have?"

我问他：“你想要多少个老婆？”

And there was this long pause,

他停顿了很长时间

and I thought to myself,

我就想

“他会说5个？

"Is he going to say five?

Is he going to say 10?

还是10个？

或许是25个呢？“”

Is he going to say 25?"

And he leaned towards me

结果他靠过来

小声说道：“一个都不想要。”

and he whispered, "None."

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Eighty-six percent of human societies permit a man to have several wives:

当今，86%的人类社会允许 男人有好几个妻子：

polygyny.

一夫多妻

但在大多数这些社会中，

But in the vast majority of these cultures,

only about five or ten percent of men actually do have several wives.

有多个妻子的男性仅达5%~10%

Having several partners can be a toothache.

有多个伴侣可是件头疼的事

In fact, co-wives can fight with each other,

事实上，妻子们之间会产生争执

有时甚至会毒害对方的孩子

sometimes they can even poison each other's children.

And you've got to have a lot of cows, a lot of goats,

而且你必须得有很多的牛羊

大量金钱和土地

a lot of money, a lot of land,

才能建立起一个妻妾成群的闺房

in order to build a harem.

我们是双纽带的种群

We are a pair-bonding species.

Ninety-seven percent of mammals do not pair up to rear their young;

97%的哺乳动物不用成双成对地抚育儿女

human beings do.

但人类却是这样的

I'm not suggesting that we're not --

我并不是建议

人类在性方面无需忠诚彼此

that we're necessarily sexually faithful to our partners.

但在研究了42种文化中的外遇行为之后

I've looked at adultery in 42 cultures,

I understand, actually, some of the genetics of it,

我明白了 其中有基因的原因

and some of the brain circuitry of it.

而有一些则是大脑回路的问题

It's very common around the world,

整个世界都非常普遍

but we are built to love.

但爱是我们与生俱来的能力

How is technology changing love?

科技改变了爱吗？

I'm going to say almost not at all.

我认为没有

I study the brain.

我从事大脑研究

我和我的同事们对100多人进行了大脑扫描

I and my colleagues have put over 100 people into a brain scanner --

people who had just fallen happily in love,

包括那些刚刚陷入爱情的人

people who had just been rejected in love

在爱情里受挫的人

and people who are in love long-term.

以及长期沉浸在爱之中的人

And it is possible to remain "in love" long-term.

是的，长期处于热恋期是有可能的

And I've long ago maintained

很早之前我就说过

that we've evolved three distinctly different brain systems

人类在求爱和繁殖过程中

for mating and reproduction:

进化出了三个截然不同的大脑系统：

sex drive,

性驱动

feelings of intense romantic love

感受浓烈的浪漫

and feelings of deep cosmic attachment to a long-term partner.

以及对长期伴侣深层的强烈的依赖感

And together, these three brain systems --

这三种大脑系统

with many other parts of the brain --

和大脑中的其他部分结合起来

orchestrate our sexual, our romantic and our family lives.

控制着人类性、爱情以及家庭生活

But they lie way below the cortex,

但它们深藏在皮层下

way below the limbic system where we feel our emotions,

在边缘系统下，即人类感受情感

发泄情绪的区域

generate our emotions.

They lie in the most primitive parts of the brain, linked with energy,

它们位于大脑中最原始的位置

focus, craving, motivation, wanting and drive.

和能量 注意力 渴望度 动力 欲望及能动性相连

In this case,

在这里

the drive to win life's greatest prize:

便是为了赢得人生最大奖的动力

a mating partner.

一位配偶

They evolved over 4.4 million years ago among our first ancestors,

这些大脑系统早在440万年前 就从人类最早的祖先中演化而来

and they're not going to change if you swipe left or right on Tinder.

而不管你怎么在Tinder（社交软件）上滑屏 它们都不会发生变化

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

There's no question that technology is changing the way we court:

可以肯定的一点是 科技正在改变人类的求爱方式

emailing, texting,

电子邮件 短信

emojis to express your emotions,

表达情感的符号

sexting,

色情短信

"liking" a photograph, selfies ...

给照片或自拍点赞...

关于如何求爱有了新的规则和禁忌

We're seeing new rules and taboos for how to court.

But, you know --

但是

is this actually dramatically changing love?

这真的彻底改变了爱吗？

What about the late 1940s,

来看看上个世纪40年代

那时候汽车刚大行其道

when the automobile became very popular

and we suddenly had rolling bedrooms?

顿时 人们便有了“可移动卧室”

（笑声）

(Laughter)

How about the introduction of the birth control pill?

再来看看引进避孕药的时代

Unchained from the great threat of pregnancy and social ruin,

因为意外怀孕而导致 人生从此惨淡的日子一去不复返

women could finally express their primitive and primal sexuality.

女性终于可以释放她们最原始的性本能

Even dating sites are not changing love.

就连征婚网站的出现都没有改变爱

I'm Chief Scientific Advisor to Match.com,

我在Match.com作首席科学顾问

I've been it for 11 years.

已经11年了

我一直宣导 而工作人员也认同我的意见

I keep telling them and they agree with me,

即这并不是一个征婚网站

that these are not dating sites,

they are introducing sites.

这是个介绍网站

当你走进酒吧

When you sit down in a bar,

in a coffee house,

咖啡馆

on a park bench,

或坐在公园的长椅时

your ancient brain snaps into action like a sleeping cat awakened,

你的大脑会立即开始反应 就像一只沉睡的猫被唤醒一样

and you smile

你开始微笑

and laugh

大笑

and listen

试着倾听

用那些早在10万年前 我们的祖先就使用的方式来炫耀

and parade the way our ancestors did 100,000 years ago.

We can give you various people --

我们可以提供各式各样的对象

all the dating sites can --

所有的征婚网站都可以

but the only real algorithm is your own human brain.

但唯一真实的算法却是你的大脑

Technology is not going to change that.

科技改变不了这一点

同样它也改变不了你的择偶对象

Technology is also not going to change who you choose to love.

I study the biology of personality,

我研究生物心理学

and I've come to believe

我开始相信

that we've evolved four very broad styles of thinking and behaving,

人类已经进化出了 四个广义的思考及行为方式，

linked with the dopamine, serotonin,

和多巴胺、血清素

testosterone and estrogen systems.

睾丸激素和雌激素系统相关联

So I created a questionnaire directly from brain science

于是，基于脑科学原理 我设计了一份问卷

to measure the degree to which you express the traits --

用来衡量人们表达特征的程度-

the constellation of traits --

-各种特征-

linked with each of these four brain systems.

与这四种大脑系统的关联性

I then put that questionnaire on various dating sites

在40个国家的各种征婚网站上

in 40 countries.

刊登了这份问卷

Fourteen million or more people have now taken the questionnaire,

目前，已有1400多万人参与了问卷调查

and I've been able to watch who's naturally drawn to whom.

我有幸可以观察那些天生相互吸引的人

And as it turns out,

结果是

those who were very expressive of the dopamine system

那些多巴胺系统反应活跃的人

tend to be curious, creative, spontaneous, energetic --

更有好奇心，富有创意，自然率真，且精力充沛

I would imagine there's an awful lot of people like that in this room --

我想现场在座肯定有很多人属于这一类型

they're drawn to people like themselves.

他们通常被同类人所吸引

好奇且有创意的人需要和同类在一起

Curious, creative people need people like themselves.

People who are very expressive of the serotonin system

那些血清素系统反应活跃的人

tend to be traditional, conventional, they follow the rules,

往往更加传统，遵循惯例与规则，

尊重权威

they respect authority,

他们通常笃信宗教 —宗教信仰正属于血清素系统—

they tend to be religious -- religiosity is in the serotonin system --

and traditional people go for traditional people.

传统派自然找传统派的人

In that way, similarity attracts.

如此一来 是同类相吸

In the other two cases, opposites attract.

而其他两种情况则完全相反 对立性才有吸引力

People very expressive of the testosterone system

睾丸激素系统反应活跃的人

通常善于分析 逻辑思维强 直接 果断

tend to be analytical, logical, direct, decisive,

而他们寻找的是和他们对立的人

and they go for their opposite:

they go for somebody who's high estrogen,

那些雌激素高的人

somebody who's got very good verbal skills

他们语言能力很强，

善于处理人际关系，

and people skills,

who's very intuitive

凭直觉行事，

and who's very nurturing and emotionally expressive.

且善于照顾他人，且直抒胸怀

We have natural patterns of mate choice.

人类择偶有自然模式

Modern technology is not going to change who we choose to love.

现代技术不会改变我们选择的对象

But technology is producing one modern trend

但科技正在制造一种当代潮流

我认为它尤为重要

that I find particularly important.

它和选择悖论这一概念相关

It's associated with the concept of paradox of choice.

For millions of years,

千万年来，

we lived in little hunting and gathering groups.

人类都生活在小型狩猎及采集社会

那时的人没有机会在社交网站上

You didn't have the opportunity to choose

between 1,000 people on a dating site.

千里挑一 选择对象

In fact, I've been studying this recently,

事实上 从我最近对此的研究来看

and I actually think there's some sort of sweet spot in the brain;

我认为大脑中有某种“最佳状态点”

I don't know what it is, but apparently, from reading a lot of the data,

虽然我并不知道在哪儿 但从大量数据来看

we can embrace about five to nine alternatives, and after that,

人类只能接受大概5~9个选项 在此之后

you get into what academics call "cognitive overload,"

会变成某些学者称的“认知超载”

and you don't choose any.

结果是不再做出选择

于是，我想正是由于这种认知超载

So I've come to think that due to this cognitive overload,

we're ushering in a new form of courtship

我们引进了一种新型求爱方式

that I call "slow love."

我称其为“慢慢爱”

I arrived at this during my work with Match.com.

这些都是我在 Match.com工作时总结出来的

Every year for the last six years,

过去六年中

我们做了一项研究 名为“美国单身”

we've done a study called "Singles in America."

We don't poll the Match population,

我们民调的对象 不仅针对Match.com的会员

we poll the American population.

而是整个美国人口

We use 5,000-plus people,

我们调查了5000多人

a representative sample of Americans based on the US census.

这是基于美国统计局的代表性样本

We've got data now on over 30,000 people,

目前已收集了超过3万人的数据

and every single year,

每年

I see some of the same patterns.

我都看到同样的模式

Every single year when I ask the question,

向他们提问的结果是

over 50 percent of people have had a one-night stand --

超过50%的人有一夜情的经历

并不一定是上一年 而是他们一生中

not necessarily last year, but in their lives --

50 percent have had a friends with benefits

在他们的有生之年

50%的人曾经和朋友上过床

during the course of their lives,

and over 50 percent have lived with a person long-term

超过50%的人在婚前有过

before marrying.

长期同居的经历

Americans think that this is reckless.

美国人认为这是轻率的行为

I have doubted that for a long time;

但我一直不这么认为

the patterns are too strong.

毕竟这种模式太普遍

There's got to be some Darwinian explanation --

肯定有某种类似于达尔文生物进化的地方

Not that many people are crazy.

总不会是那么多人都丧失了理智？

And I stumbled, then, on a statistic that really came home to me.

结果我发现了一个震惊的数据

It was a very interesting academic article

一篇极其有趣的学术文章

in which I found that 67 percent of singles in America today

发现67%的处于长期同居的

who are living long-term with somebody,

美国未婚人士

have not yet married because they are terrified of divorce.

之所以还未结婚是因为担心离婚

They're terrified of the social,

他们担心离婚后面对的社会

legal, emotional,

法律 情感

economic consequences of divorce.

以及经济后果

So I came to realize that I don't think this is recklessness;

于是 我认识到这并不是轻率的行为

I think it's caution.

而是谨慎

Today's singles want to know every single thing about a partner

如今 人们在结婚之前

before they wed.

想对其伴侣的每一个细节了如指掌

You learn a lot between the sheets,

同居能让人了解到许多事情

not only about how somebody makes love,

不仅是对方的床上功夫

but whether they're kind,

而是对方是否善良

whether they can listen

是否善于倾听

and at my age,

以及 到了我这个年纪所关心的

whether they've got a sense of humor.

就是对方是否有幽默感

(Laughter)

（笑声）

当今社会 人们有很多选择

And in an age where we have too many choices,

很少为怀孕或疾病感到担忧

we have very little fear of pregnancy and disease

and we've got no feeling of shame for sex before marriage,

且对婚前性行为毫无愧疚感

在这种情况下 人们选择爱得慢一些

I think people are taking their time to love.

And actually, what's happening is,

而真实情况是

这其实是婚前准备阶段的

what we're seeing is a real expansion of the precommitment stage

before you tie the knot.

实际延伸

从前 婚姻意味着一段感情的开始

Where marriage used to be the beginning of a relationship,

now it's the finale.

而现在 它意味着尾声

But the human brain --

但人类大脑

（笑声）

(Laughter)

The human brain always triumphs,

人类大脑总是胜出者

如今 在美国

and indeed, in the United States today,

86 percent of Americans will marry by age 49.

86%的美国人将在49岁结婚

And even in cultures around the world where they're not marrying as often,

即便在世界上结婚率不高的文化里

最终他们也会和长期伴侣安定下来

they are settling down eventually with a long-term partner.

So it began to occur to me:

于是 我突然想到：

during this long extension of the precommitment stage,

在这个长期婚前准备期

if you can get rid of bad relationships before you marry,

如果你在婚前摆脱了一段糟糕的情感关系

或许就会有更多美满的婚姻

maybe we're going to see more happy marriages.

So I did a study of 1,100 married people in America --

于是，我研究了美国1100位已婚人士

not on Match.com, of course --

当然不是在 Match.com上

and I asked them a lot of questions.

我问了很多问题

But one of the questions was,

其中一个是

如果再给你一次机会 你还会选择和现在的伴侣结婚吗？

"Would you re-marry the person you're currently married to?"

And 81 percent said, "Yes."

81%的人说 会！

In fact, the greatest change in modern romance and family life

事实上 当今的情感和家庭生活最大的变化

不是科技造成的

is not technology.

甚至也不是“慢慢爱”的结果

It's not even slow love.

而是在全世界范围内

It's actually women piling into the job market

大量女性进入职场的结果

in cultures around the world.

For millions of years,

几百万年以来

我们的祖先都生活在小型捕猎采集社会

our ancestors lived in little hunting and gathering groups.

女性忙于采摘

Women commuted to work to gather their fruits and vegetables.

They came home with 60 to 80 percent of the evening meal.

餐桌上60%~80%的食物是由她们带回来的

The double-income family was the rule.

双份收入家庭是一般法则

And women were regarded as just as economically, socially

女性不论在经济 社会 还是性方面

都和男性具有同等的地位

and sexually powerful as men.

Then the environment changed some 10,000 years ago,

然而 大约1万年前 社会发生了变化

we began to settle down on the farm

人类开始以农耕为主

and both men and women became obliged, really,

男女似乎有义务

to marry the right person,

寻找合适的人结婚

from the right background,

对方必须有匹配的背景

from the right religion

宗教信仰

and from the right kin and social and political connections.

相称的家族 社会及政治关联

Men's jobs became more important:

男性的工作变得更为重要

they had to move the rocks, fell the trees, plow the land.

他们必须搬运大石 砍树 耕地

They brought the produce to local markets, and came home

他们把农产品带到市场上卖

换回来同等的钱

with the equivalent of money.

Along with this,

不仅如此，

we see a rise of a host of beliefs:

各种信仰开始传播

the belief of virginity at marriage,

坚信婚前必须保持处女身

arranged marriages -- strictly arranged marriages --

包办婚姻（严格安排的婚姻）

the belief that the man is the head of the household,

坚信男性是一家之主

that the wife's place is in the home

女性就应该待在家里

and most important,

更重要的一点

honor thy husband, and 'til death do us part.

女性一生一世必须尊夫

These are gone.

所有这些都是过去式 了

They are going, and in many places,

有些地方仍有这些现象 但大部分地区

they are gone.

这些现象都不复存在了

We are right now in a marriage revolution.

我们正处于一场婚姻变革之中

We are shedding 10,000 years of our farming tradition

我们摒弃了1万年前的农业传统

and moving forward towards egalitarian relationships between the sexes --

朝着两性平等的方向发展

我认为这和远古人类的精神相契合

something I regard as highly compatible with the ancient human spirit.

I'm not a Pollyanna;

我不是一个盲目乐观的人

there's a great deal to cry about.

还有很多事情值得担忧

我研究了80种文化里的离婚行为

I've studied divorce in 80 cultures,

I've studied, as I say, adultery in many --

出轨行为

还有许许多多的问题

there's a whole pile of problems.

As William Butler Yeats, the poet, once said,

正如诗人威廉·巴特勒·叶芝所说

“爱情是个狡猾的家伙”

"Love is the crooked thing."

我会再加一句，“没人能活着出来”

I would add, "Nobody gets out alive."

(Laughter)

（笑声）

每个人都有困扰

We all have problems.

But in fact, I think the poet Randall Jarrell really sums it up best.

但我认为诗人兰德尔·贾雷尔总结的最好

He said, "The dark, uneasy world of family life --

他说：在枯燥繁琐的家庭生活中

where the greatest can fail, and the humblest succeed."

强者不显其智 弱者反而取胜

But I will leave you with this:

但我想说的是：

love and attachment will prevail,

爱和相互依赖会战胜一切

technology cannot change it.

科技无法改变这一点

And I will conclude by saying

总结下来，便是

any understanding of human relationships must take into account

任何对人类关系的诠释必须考虑到

人类行为最强大的决定因素是那

one the most powerful determinants of human behavior:

the unquenchable,

难以抑制的

adaptable

极具适应性的

and primordial human drive to love.

最原始的爱的动力

Thank you.

谢谢

(Applause)

（掌声）

Kelly Stoetzel: Thank you so much for that, Helen.

Kelly Stoetzel: 感谢您的演讲 海伦

As you know, there's another speaker here with us

今天还有另一位演讲者

that works in your same field.

她和您在相同的领域里做研究

She comes at it from a different perspective.

不过是从不同的视角来分析问题

Esther Perel is a psychotherapist who works with couples.

诶斯特·佩雷斯从事 情侣心理治疗师的工作

You study data,

您研究数据

诶斯特研究那些向她寻求帮助的

Esther studies the stories the couples tell her

when they come to her for help.

情侣们所诉说的故事

Let's have her join us on the stage.

现在请她上台吧

Esther?

有请诶斯特

(Applause)

（掌声）

So Esther,

诶斯特

when you were watching Helen's talk,

当您观看海伦演讲的时候

was there any part of it

是否有

和您所做的工作产生共鸣的地方

that resonated with you through the lens of your own work

that you'd like to comment on?

您可以和我们说说嘛？

Esther Perel: 让我觉得有意思的地方是，一方面

Esther Perel: It's interesting, because on the one hand,

the need for love is ubiquitous and universal.

人们对爱的需求无所不在 无所不及

But the way we love --

但人类爱的方式

the meaning we make out of it --

爱与被爱背后的意义

the rules that govern our relationships, I think,

以及控制双方关系的规则

are changing fundamentally.

正在发生根本性的改变

We come from a model that, until now,

直到最近 我们一直处于一种模式

was primarily regulated around duty and obligation,

即主要由责任和义务

the needs of the collective and loyalty.

集体和忠诚主义支配的模式

And we have shifted it

而现在 我们转向了另一种模式

to a model of free choice and individual rights,

即追崇自主选择 个人权利

and self-fulfillment and happiness.

自我实现与幸福的模式

And so, that was the first thing I thought,

这是我脑子里冒出的第一个想法

that the need doesn't change,

爱的需求没有改变

but the context and the way we regulate these relationships

但大环境和人们处理情感关系的方式

changes a lot.

发生了很大的变化

On the paradox of choice --

关于选择悖论

you know, on the one hand we relish the novelty

我认为 一方面我们追求

多重选择给我们带来的

and the playfulness, I think,

to be able to have so many options.

新鲜感和趣味性

And at the same time,

同时

as you talk about this cognitive overload,

就像你提到的“认知负荷”

I see many, many people who ...

我看到许多人

who dread the uncertainty and self-doubt

对堆砌成堆的选项所带来的不确定性

that comes with this massa of choice,

和不自信而感到担忧

从而制造出某种“害怕错过的恐惧症”

creating a case of "FOMO"

and then leading us --

于是便引领我们--

“FOMO”，表现为害怕机会流失

FOMO, fear of missed opportunity, or fear of missing out --

it's like, "How do I know I have found 'the one' --

就好比“我怎么知道这个人就是

the right one?"

我命中注定的那一个呢？”

So we've created what I call this thing of "stable ambiguity."

这种现象我称为“稳定的模棱两可”

Stable ambiguity is when you are too afraid to be alone

指的是你害怕被剩下来 孤独终老

but also not really willing to engage in intimacy-building.

但又不愿打开心扉 与人建立亲密关系

It's a set of tactics that kind of prolong the uncertainty of a relationship

这是一种策略 不仅会使这段关系的不确定性期延长

but also the uncertainty of the breakup.

还能拖延分手的不确定性

So, here on the internet you have three major ones.

网络上将其分为三个阶段

One is icing and simmering,

一是冰冻期和温吞水

which are great stalling tactics

这是很好的拖延战术

that offer a kind of holding pattern

它使人们处于某种停滞状态

在这种状态下 强调情感关系中的不界定属性

that emphasizes the undefined nature of a relationship

but at the same time gives you enough of a comforting consistency

但同时能让你维持这段关系

以及自由做出选择的空间

and enough freedom of the undefined boundaries.

(Laughter)

（笑声）

说的对吗？

Yeah?

And then comes ghosting.

接下来就到了“幽灵阶段”

And ghosting is, basically,

“幽灵阶段”基本上是指

you disappear from this massa of texts on the spot,

你突然不再做出选择

and you don't have to deal with the pain that you inflict on another,

不再应对你给对方带来的痛苦

because you're making it invisible even to yourself.

因为你自己都掩耳盗铃

(Laughter)

（笑声）

对吗？

Yeah?

So I was thinking -- these words came up for me as I was listening to you,

当我在听你演讲的时候 我想到了这些

like how a vocabulary also creates a reality,

正如语言重现现实一样

与此同时

and at the same time,

that's my question to you:

我也有个问题要问你：

Do you think when the context changes,

当环境发生变化时

it still means that the nature of love remains the same?

你认为爱的本质还是一样的吗？

你研究大脑 而我研究情侣关系

You study the brain and I study people's relationships and stories,

so I think it's everything you say, plus.

我认可你的观点

But I don't always know the degree to which a changing context ...

但我不明白的是环境改变的程度--

Does it at some point begin to change --

它是从某一点开始改变的呢？

如果意义变了 需求是否也会改变呢？

If the meaning changes, does it change the need,

or is the need clear of the entire context?

或需求本身不受整个大环境影响？

HF: Wow! Well --

海伦：哇！

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

Well, I've got three points here, right?

海伦：好的，我分为三点来说

First of all, to your first one:

首先，回答你第一个问题：

there's no question that we've changed, that we now want a person to love,

人类变了，这一点毋庸置疑 现在人们依然渴望爱情

and for thousands of years, we had to marry the right person

而几千年来 人们都遵从必须

和来自匹配的背景和关联的人结婚

from the right background and right kin connection.

And in fact, in my studies of 5,000 people every year,

每年我对5000人进行调研

I ask them, "What are you looking for?"

我问他们：“你想找什么样的人？”

And every single year, over 97 percent say --

每年 超过97%的人会说

EP: The list grows --

诶斯特：清单越来越长了吧

HF: Well, no.

海伦：呃，没有

超过97%的人都表示想找

The basic thing is over 97 percent of people

want somebody that respects them,

尊重自己

somebody they can trust and confide in,

值得信任的 能交心的

somebody who makes them laugh,

能逗你笑的

somebody who makes enough time for them

花时间陪自己的

and somebody who they find physically attractive.

以及长相看着顺眼的人

That never changes.

这几点从未改变过

And there's certainly -- you know, there's two parts --

大概有两部分--

EP: But you know how I call that?

诶斯特：你知道我怎么定义这种现象吗？

That's not what people used to say --

过去人们并不是这样的择偶标准

HF: That's exactly right.

海伦：是的

诶斯特：过去人们会说他们想找能够与自己作伴

EP: They said they wanted somebody with whom they have companionship,

提供经济支持 喜爱孩子的人

economic support, children.

We went from a production economy to a service economy.

我们从生产经济转变为服务经济

(Laughter)

（笑声）

We did it in the larger culture, and we're doing it in marriage.

在其他文化中我们已经这么做了 现在我们把它带到婚姻中

HF: Right, no question about it.

海伦：是的，这一点毫无疑问

But it's interesting, the millennials actually want to be very good parents,

但有趣的是 如今千禧一代非常渴望成为合格的家长

whereas the generation above them wants to have a very fine marriage

而他们的上一代人希望有个美满的婚姻

但却不向他们一样专注于成为合格的家长

but is not as focused on being a good parent.

You see all of these nuances.

你可以看到这些细微的差别

There's two basic parts of personality:

人格有两个基本构成部分：

there's your culture -- everything you grew up to do and believe and say --

你的文化—成长过程 信仰和言行--

and there's your temperament.

以及性格

我讨论的基本上都是性格

Basically, what I've been talking about is your temperament.

And that temperament is certainly going to change with changing times

而性格一定会随着时间和信仰的改变

and changing beliefs.

而改变

And in terms of the paradox of choice,

就选择悖论而言

这确实是个两难的境地

there's no question about it that this is a pickle.

There were millions of years where you found that sweet boy

千百万年以来

at the other side of the water hole,

如果人们在河边看到心动的对象

便会去争取

and you went for it.

EP: Yes, but you --

诶斯特：是的，但是--

HF: I do want to say one more thing.

海伦：还有一件事

The bottom line is, in hunting and gathering societies,

归根结底，在狩猎及采集社会中

they tended to have two or three partners during the course of their lives.

人们一生中通常有2到3个伴侣

They weren't square!

他们并不是两两相对的

And I'm not suggesting that we do,

我当然不是建议我们也这么做

but the bottom line is, we've always had alternatives.

但重要的是我们始终 可以做出其他选择

Mankind is always --

人类一直如此

in fact, the brain is well-built to what we call "equilibrate,"

实际上，人类大脑的构造是平衡对称的

去试探或下决心：

to try and decide:

Do I come, do I stay? Do I go, do I stay?

来或走？去或留？

What are the opportunities here?

留下来有什么样的机遇？

How do I handle this there?

怎么处理这件事？

And so I think we're seeing another play-out of that now.

我想现在上演的正是大脑决策的另一出戏

KS：非常感谢两位。

KS: Well, thank you both so much.

I think you're going to have a million dinner partners for tonight!

我想你今晚要和很多人共进晚餐了

(Applause)

（掌声）

Thank you, thank you.

谢谢！