Why I keep speaking up, even when people mock my accent | Safwat Saleem

翻译人员: Mingying Wang 校对人员: Yan Yan

I used to have this recurring dream

我以前常常做一个梦，

where I'd walk into a roomful of people,

梦到我走进一个满是人的房间，

and I'd try not to make eye contact with anyone.

我小心翼翼地避开每个人的眼神。

Until someone notices me,

直到有个人注意到我，

and I just panic.

我就慌了。

And the person walks up to me,

然后，这个人向我走来，

and says, "Hi, my name is So-and-so.

说：“你好，我的名字叫某某某，

And what is your name?"

你叫什么?”

And I'm just quiet, unable to respond.

我就一句话都说不出了。

After some awkward silence, he goes,

尴尬的沉默后，他继续问道，

"Have you forgotten your name?"

“你忘了自己的名字吗？”

And I'm still quiet.

我还是一句话都说不出。

And then, slowly, all the other people in the room begin to turn toward me

然后，慢慢地， 屋子里的所有人都转过身，看着我。

and ask, almost in unison,

几乎是齐声问我：

(Voice-over, several voices) "Have you forgotten your name?"

（画外音，各种声音） “你是忘了自己的名字吗？”

As the chant gets louder, I want to respond, but I don't.

声音越来越大， 我很想回答，但是答不出口。

I'm a visual artist.

我是个视觉艺术家。

Some of my work is humorous,

我的工作有时候很幽默，

and some is a bit funny but in a sad way.

有时候却是黑色幽默。

And one thing that I really enjoy doing

我很喜欢一件事，

is making these little animations

就是做这些小动画，

where I get to do the voice-over for all kinds of characters.

我很喜欢给各种角色配音。

I've been a bear.

我为熊配过音

(Video) Bear (Safwat Saleem's voice): Hi.

（视频）熊（萨配音）：你好。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Safwat Saleem: I've been a whale.

萨：我为鲸鱼配过音。

(Video) Whale (SS's voice): Hi.

（视频）鲸鱼（萨配音）：你好。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

SS: I've been a greeting card.

萨：我还为贺卡配过音。

(Video) Greeting card (SS's voice): Hi.

（视频）贺卡（萨配音）你好。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

SS: And my personal favorite is Frankenstein's monster.

萨：而我个人最喜欢的是科学怪人。

(Video) Frankenstein's monster (SS's voice): (Grunts)

（视频）科学怪人（萨配音）：咕噜

(Laughter)

（笑声）

SS: I just had to grunt a lot for that one.

萨：这一个，我只需要发出 咕噜咕噜的声音。

A few years ago, I made this educational video

几年前，我做过一个教育片，

about the history of video games.

是关于电子游戏史的。

And for that one, I got to do the voice of Space Invader.

在那部片子里，我为太空侵略者配音。

(Video) Space Invader (SS's voice): Hi.

（视频）太空侵略者（萨配音）：你好。

SS: A dream come true, really,

萨：我的梦想实现了，真的。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And when that video was posted online,

当视频在网络上发布以后，

I just sat there on the computer, hitting "refresh,"

我就坐在电脑面前 不停地敲“刷新”键，

excited to see the response.

很期待观众的反应。

The first comment comes in.

第一个评论是这样说的：

(Video) Comment: Great job.

（视频）评论：干得不错。

SS: Yes!

萨：太好了！

I hit "refresh."

我接着敲“刷新”键，

(Video) Comment: Excellent video. I look forward to the next one.

（视频）评论：很棒的视频， 期待你的下一部作品。

SS: This was just the first of a two-part video.

萨：目前发布的只是上半部，

I was going to work on the second one next.

我正在准备着制作下半部。

I hit "refresh."

我再敲“刷新”键

(Video) Comment: Where is part TWO? WHEREEEEE? I need it NOWWWWW!: P

（视频）评论：下半部在哪哪哪哪？ 我现在就想看啊啊啊！

(Laughter)

（笑声）

SS: People other than my mom were saying nice things about me,

萨：除了我妈以外，所有人都在夸我。

on the Internet!

这可是在网络上啊！

It felt like I had finally arrived.

我感觉像获得了最终的胜利一样。

I hit "refresh."

我继续敲“刷新”键，

(Video) Comment: His voice is annoying. No offense.

（视频）评论：他的声音真不好听，别介意啊。

SS: OK, no offense taken. Refresh.

萨： 好好好，不介意，刷新。

(Video) Comment: Could you remake this without peanut butter in your mouth?

(视频）评论：能再做一个 没有含着花生酱录的版本吗？

SS: OK, at least the feedback is somewhat constructive. Hit "refresh."

萨：这个反馈勉强算是有点用。 接着刷新。

(Video) Comment: Please don't use this narrator again

（视频）评论：别再用这个人配音了，

u can barely understand him.

根本听不懂他在说什么。

SS: Refresh.

萨：刷新。

(Video) Comment: Couldn't follow because of the Indian accent.

（视频）评论：这印度口音让人根本听不清。

SS: OK, OK, OK, two things.

萨：好吧好吧，我就说两件事，

Number one, I don't have an Indian accent,

第一，我没有印度口音，

I have a Pakistani accent, OK?

我是巴基斯坦口音好吗？

And number two, I clearly have a Pakistani accent.

第二，我明显是巴基斯坦口音嘛。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But comments like that kept coming in,

像这样的评论越来越多，

so I figured I should just ignore them

我决定无视他们，

and start working on the second part of the video.

开始制作视频的下半部。

I recorded my audio,

我录下了音频，

but every time I sat down to edit,

但每次我想剪辑的时候，

I just could not do it.

我就是做不下去。

Every single time, it would take me back to my childhood,

每一次， 这都让我想起我小时候，

when I had a much harder time speaking.

那时我说话更糟糕。

I've stuttered for as long as I can remember.

我说话一直都结结巴巴的。

I was the kid in class

我就是班里那种

who would never raise his hand when he had a question --

从不举手提问

or knew the answer.

也从不回答问题的学生。

Every time the phone rang,

每一次电话铃声响起，

I would run to the bathroom so I would not have to answer it.

我就会跑到厕所， 这样就可以不用接电话了。

If it was for me, my parents would say I'm not around.

如果电话是找我的， 我爸妈就会说我不在家。

I spent a lot of time in the bathroom.

我总是躲在厕所里。

And I hated introducing myself,

我最讨厌自我介绍，

especially in groups.

尤其是面对很多的人的时候。

I'd always stutter on my name, and there was usually someone who'd go,

我连自己的名字都说不顺， 这时总会有人问，

"Have you forgotten your name?"

“你连自己的名字都不记得了吗？”

And then everybody would laugh.

然后所有人都笑了。

That joke never got old.

这个笑话一直伴随着我。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I spent my childhood feeling that if I spoke,

小时候我总觉得， 只要我一说话，

it would become obvious that there was something wrong with me,

别人就会觉得我有问题，

that I was not normal.

觉得我不正常。

So I mostly stayed quiet.

于是我总是很安静。

And so you see, eventually for me to even be able to use my voice in my work

所以你看， 把我自己的声音用到我的作品里，

was a huge step for me.

于我而言，已经是非常大的进步了。

Every time I record audio,

每当我录音的时候，

I fumble my way through saying each sentence many, many times,

我总是笨手笨脚的， 一句话要说好多好多遍。

and then I go back in

然后当我剪辑的时候，

and pick the ones where I think I suck the least.

我就会挑一个我觉得最不糟糕的。

(Voice-over) SS: Audio editing is like Photoshop for your voice.

（画外音）萨：音频剪辑就像 给你的声音Photoshop一样。

I can slow it down, speed it up, make it deeper, add an echo.

我给它减速、加速， 让它变得深沉、加上回音。

And if I stutter along the way, and if I stutter along the way,

如果我说得不顺畅， 如果我说得不顺畅，

I just go back in and fix it.

我就重新再修改一遍。

It's magic.

这就像魔法一样。

SS: Using my highly edited voice in my work

萨：将经过大幅度修饰的声音 用到我的视频里，

was a way for me to finally sound normal to myself.

才能让我觉得自己的声音正常了一些。

But after the comments on the video,

不过自从看了那些评论，

it no longer made me feel normal.

这也不能让我觉得正常了。

And so I stopped using my voice in my work.

于是我不再把自己的声音用到视频里。

Since then, I've thought a lot about what it means to be normal.

在那之后，我想了很多 人们所谓的“正常”到底是什么？

And I've come to understand

后来我开始理解了，

that "normal" has a lot to do with expectations.

所谓的“正常” 与人们的期待值有关。

Let me give you an example.

举个例子吧，

I came across this story

我想到一个故事，

about the Ancient Greek writer, Homer.

是关于古希腊作家荷马的。

Now, Homer mentions very few colors in his writing.

在荷马的作品里 只提到了非常少的几种颜色。

And even when he does,

即使在描写颜色的时候，

he seems to get them quite a bit wrong.

荷马笔下的颜色 也和现代人的常识不尽相同。

For example, the sea is described as wine red,

比如说，荷马说海是酒红色的，

people's faces are sometimes green and sheep are purple.

人的脸有时是绿色的， 而绵羊则是紫色的。

But it's not just Homer.

这种现象不单单出现在荷马的作品里。

If you look at all of the ancient literature --

在世界古典文学中——

Ancient Chinese, Icelandic, Greek, Indian

古代中国、冰岛、希腊、印度的文学

and even the original Hebrew Bible --

甚至是在希伯来圣经中

they all mention very few colors.

提到的颜色都很少。

And the most popular theory for why that might be the case

对这种现象最出名的解释是：

is that cultures begin to recognize a color

一个文明首先要能生产出一种颜色，

only once they have the ability to make that color.

然后才能识别出这种颜色。

So basically, if you can make a color,

简单的说，你只有先制造出一种颜色，

only then can you see it.

才能“看见”这种颜色。

A color like red, which was fairly easy for many cultures to make --

像红色这种比较方便制造的颜色

they began to see that color fairly early on.

就能比较早的出现在各大文明的认知中。

But a color like blue, which was much harder to make --

然而像蓝色这种 不那么方便制作的颜色，

many cultures didn't begin to learn how to make that color

很多文明都花了相当长的时间

until much later.

才最终制造出了蓝色。

They didn't begin to see it until much later as well.

于是他们也花了相当长的时间 来最终“看见”蓝色。

So until then, even though a color might be all around them,

在一个颜色被制造出来之前 就算它随处可见，

they simply did not have the ability to see it.

人们也对它视而不见。

It was invisIble.

就好像这种颜色是隐形的一样。

It was not a part of their normal.

这种颜色不在人们 “正常”的认知范畴里。

And that story has helped put my own experience into context.

这个说法和我的自身经历很契合。

So when I first read the comments on the video,

当我第一次看到那些评论时，

my initial reaction was to take it all very personally.

我的第一反应是 那些评论都是针对我的。

But the people commenting did not know

不过事实上 那些评论者并不知道，

how self-conscious I am about my voice.

我对自己的声音那么在意。

They were mostly reacting to my accent,

他们的评论都是关于我的口音。

that it is not normal for a narrator to have an accent.

他们认为一个带口音的配音者 是不常见的、不正常的。

But what is normal, anyway?

不过话说回来，什么才算正常？

We know that reviewers will find more spelling errors in your writing

评论家会在你的作品里 挑出很多拼写错误，

if they think you're black.

仅仅因为他以为你是个黑人。

We know that professors are less likely to help female or minority students.

教授会不那么情愿去辅导 女学生、或者少数族裔学生。

And we know that resumes with white-sounding names

一份有着看起来 像是白人名字的简历，

get more callbacks than resumes with black-sounding names.

比起写着黑人名字的简历 要有更高的通过率。

Why is that?

为什么会这样？

Because of our expectations of what is normal.

这都是因为我们对常识的刻板印象。

We think it is normal

常识告诉我们，

when a black student has spelling errors.

黑人学生往往会有拼写错误。

We think it is normal

常识告诉我们，

when a female or minority student does not succeed.

女学生和少数族裔学生 往往在学术领域少有建树。

And we think it is normal

常识告诉我们，

that a white employee is a better hire than a black employee.

一个白人员工往往要比黑人员工好。

But studies also show that discrimination of this kind,

但是研究表明， 像这一类的区别判断，

in most cases, is simply favoritism,

通常只是偏见而无事实依据。

and it results more from wanting to help people that you can relate to

而这种偏见让我们倾向于去帮助同类，

than the desire to harm people that you can't relate to.

而伤害异类。

And not relating to people starts at a very early age.

人类在很小的时候 就开始区分同类与异类。

Let me give you an example.

举个例子，

One library that keeps track of characters

有一个图书馆把每年出版的 儿童故事书

in the children's book collection every year,

里面的角色都记录了下来。

found that in 2014, only about 11 percent of the books

他们发现， 在2014年 只有11%的角色

had a character of color.

是有色人种。

And just the year before, that number was about eight percent,

而这个数值在2013年 只有8%。

even though half of American children today come from a minority background.

可事实上，有一半的美国儿童 都是少数族裔。

Half.

50%啊。

So there are two big issues here.

这就导致了两个问题，

Number one, children are told that they can be anything,

第一，我们一方面告诉孩子们 他们可以成为任何人，

they can do anything,

他们有能做任何事的潜力，

and yet, most stories that children of color consume

然而另一方面 少数族裔的孩子们，

are about people who are not like them.

看到的故事 却都是关于其他人的。

Number two is that majority groups don't get to realize

第二，多数族裔的人没有意识到

the great extent to which they are similar to minorities --

他们其实与少数族裔的人 有很多相似之处——

our everyday experiences, our hopes,

我们的日常生活，我们的期待，

our dreams, our fears

我们的梦想，我们的恐惧， 都是相似的。

and our mutual love for hummus.

甚至我们对鹰嘴豆泥的喜好 也是一样的，

It's delicious!

真的很好吃嘛！

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Just like the color blue for Ancient Greeks,

就像蓝色之于古希腊人，

minorities are not a part of what we consider normal,

少数族裔之于我们的社会而言 也不在“正常”的范畴之内。

because normal is simply a construction of what we've been exposed to,

因为我们对“正常”的界定 形成于日常生活之中，

and how visible it is around us.

取决于我们的见识，

And this is where things get a bit difficult.

这就是症结所在。

I can accept the preexisting notion of normal -- that normal is good,

我可以选择认可所谓的“正常” 所有在正常范畴内的都是好的，

and anything outside of that very narrow definition of normal is bad.

而在“正常”这个狭隘的定义之外 一切都是不好的。

Or I can challenge that preexisting notion of normal

我也可以选择挑战 所谓的“正常”，

with my work

就凭着我的作品，

and with my voice

我的声音，

and with my accent

还有我的口音，

and by standing here onstage,

以及我现在的演讲。

even though I'm scared shitless and would rather be in the bathroom.

尽管我现在紧张得要死， 恨不得马上躲进洗手间里。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

(Video) Sheep (SS's voice): I'm now slowly starting to use my voice

（视频）绵羊（萨配音）： 现在我又逐渐开始用自己的声音

in my work again.

给作品配音了。

And it feels good.

这感觉真好。

It does not mean I won't have a breakdown

这不是说我的声音完美无缺了，

the next time a couple dozen people say that I talk

下一次还会有一堆人 说我的声音

(Mumbling) like I have peanut butter in my mouth.

（含糊不清地）好像含了花生酱 在嘴里一样，

(Laughter)

（笑声）

SS: It just means I now have a much better understanding

萨：而是说我现在 更加清楚

of what's at stake,

什么是至关重要的，

and how giving up is not an option.

以及放弃 并不是一种选择。

The Ancient Greeks didn't just wake up one day and realize

古希腊人不是一觉醒来就发现

that the sky was blue.

天空是蓝色的。

It took centuries, even, for humans to realize what we had been ignoring

人们花了很长的时间才渐渐注意到

for so long.

那些曾经被忽略了很久的事物。

And so we must continuously challenge our notion of normal,

所以我们必须要经常挑战 我们对“正常”的界定。

because doing so is going to allow us as a society

因为这样做可以使整个社会

to finally see the sky for what it is.

最终看清天空的颜色。

(Video) Characters: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

（视频）角色：谢谢！谢谢！ 谢谢！谢谢！谢谢！

Frankenstein's monster: (Grunts)

科学怪人：（咕噜）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

SS: Thank you.

萨：谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）