Lemn Sissay: A child of the state

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

Prevodilac: Nikola Radulović Lektor: Mile Živković

Having spent 18 years as a child of the state

Provevši 18 godina kao dete države

in children's homes and foster care,

po dečjim domovima i hraniteljskim porodicama

you could say that I'm an expert on the subject,

moglo bi se kazati da sam ekspert u ovoj oblasti

and in being an expert, I want to let you know that

i kao takav želim da vam ukažem na činjenicu da

being an expert does in no way make you right

ako ste ekspert, to nikako ne znači da ste

in light of the truth.

na putu ka istini.

If you're in care, legally the government is your

Ako ste pod tuđom negom, pravno je vlada

parent, loco parentis.

vaš roditelj, loco parentis.

Margaret Thatcher was my mother. (Laughter)

Margaret Tačer je bila moja majka. (Smeh)

Let's not talk about breastfeeding. (Laughter)

Hajde da ne govorimo o dojenju. (Smeh)

Harry Potter was a foster child.

Hari Poter je bio usvojeno dete.

Pip from "Great Expectations" was adopted;

Pip iz „Velikih očekivanja" je bio usvojen.

Superman was a foster child;

Supermen je bio usvojen;

Cinderella was a foster child;

Pepeljuga je bila usvojeno dete;

Lisbeth Salander, the girl with the dragon tattoo,

Lizbet Salander, devojka sa tetovažom zmaja,

was fostered and institutionalized;

bila je pod tuđom negom i predata institucijama.

Batman was orphaned;

Betmen je ostao siroče;

Lyra Belacqua from Philip Pullman's "Northern Lights"

Lajru Belakva iz „Severnih svetlosti" Filipa Pulmana

was fostered;

su podigli drugi;

Jane Eyre, adopted;

Džejn Ejr - usvojena;

Roald Dahl's James from "James and the Giant Peach;"

Džejms iz „Džejmsa i džinovske breskve" Roalda Dala,

Matilda; Moses -- Moses! (Laughter)

Matilda; Mojsije, Mojsije! (Smeh)

Moses! (Laughter) --

Mojsije! (Smeh)

the boys in Michael Morpurgo's "Friend or Foe;"

Dečaci u „Prijatelju ili neprijatelju" Majkla Morpurga,

Alem in Benjamin Zephaniah's "Refugee Boy;"

Alem iz „Dečaka izbeglice" Bendžamina Zafanija,

Luke Skywalker --

Luk Skajvoker -

Luke Skywalker! (Laughter) --

Luk Skajvoker! (Smeh)

Oliver Twist;

Oliver Tvist;

Cassia in "The Concubine of Shanghai" by Hong Ying;

Kasija iz „Šangajske konkubine" Honga Jinga:

Celie in Alice Walker's "The Color Purple."

Sili iz „Ljubičaste boje" Elis Voker.

All of these great fictional characters, all of them

Svi ovi izmišljeni likovi, sve njih

who were hurt by their condition,

koji su bili pogođeni svojim položajem,

all of them who spawned thousands of other books

sve njih iz kojih su nastale hiljade drugih knjiga

and other films, all of them

i filmova, sve njih

were fostered, adopted or orphaned.

su podigli drugi, svi su usvojeni ili ostavljeni kao siročad.

It seems that writers know that the child

Izgleda da pisci znaju da dete

outside of family reflects on what family truly is

koje živi van svoje porodice ukazuje na ono na čemu porodica zaista počiva

more than what it promotes itself to be.

više nego što ona sama pokazuje da jeste.

That is, they also use extraordinary skills

Oni takođe poseduju neobične veštine

to deal with extraordinary situations on a daily basis.

da se svakodnevno nose sa neobičnim situacijama.

How have we not made the connection?

Kako nismo uspeli da to povežemo?

And why have we not made the connection, between

Kako nismo uspeli da povežemo

— How has that happened? —

- Kako se to dogodilo -

between these incredible characters of popular culture

između ovih neverovatnih ličnosti popularne kulture

and religions, and the fostered, adopted or orphaned child

i religija i zbrinutog, usvojenog i napuštenog deteta

in our midst? It's not our pity that they need.

u našem okruženju? Njima ne treba naše sažaljenje

It's our respect.

već naše poštovanje.

I know famous musicians,

Znam poznate muzičare,

I know actors and film stars and millionaires and novelists

glumce, filmske zvezde, milionere, pisce,

and top lawyers and television executives

vrhunske advokate, televizijske producente,

and magazine editors and national journalists

urednike magazina, novinare,

and dustbinmen and hairdressers, all who were

đubretare i frizere, sve one koji su

looked after children, fostered, adopted or orphaned,

bili paženi, zbrinuti, usvojeni ili napušteni

and many of them grow into their adult lives

i koji su odrasli

in fear of speaking of their background, as if it may

strahujući da progovore o svojoj prošlosti, kao da bi im

somehow weaken their standing in the foreground,

to nekako oduzelo čvrsto tlo pod nogama,

as if it were somehow Kryptonite, as if it were a time bomb

kao da im je to nekakav kriptonit, kao da su u nekakvoj vremenskoj kapsuli

strapped on the inside. Children in care,

zarobljeni iznutra. Zbrinuta deca,

who've had a life in care, deserve the right

o čijim je životima brinula država, zaslužuju pravo

to own and live the memory of their own childhood.

da poseduju i oživljavaju sećanje na vlastito detinjstvo.

It is that simple.

To je tako jednostavno.

My own mother — and I should say this here —

Moja rođena majka, trebalo bi da kažem ovo ovde,

she same to this country in the late '60s,

došla je u ovu zemlju tokom kasnih šezdesetih

and she was, you know, she found herself pregnant,

i ona je ostala u drugom stanju

as women did in the late '60s. You know what I mean?

kao što su i druge žene u kasnim šezdesetim

They found themselves pregnant.

ostajale trudne.

And she sort of, she had no idea of the context

Na neki način nije imala predstavu o okruženju

in which she'd landed.

u koje je dospela.

In the 1960s -- I should give you some context -- in the 1960s,

Tokom šezdesetih godina, približiću vam malo društvene prilike šezdesetih godina,

if you were pregnant and you were single,

ako ste bili trudni a sami,

you were seen as a threat to the community.

posmatrali su vas kao pretnju po zajednicu.

You were separated from your family by the state.

Država bi vas oduzela od porodice.

You were separated from your family and placed into

Bili biste oduzeti i smešteni

mother and baby homes.

u domove za majke i decu.

You were appointed a social worker.

Dobili biste svog socijalnog radnika.

The adoptive parents were lined up.

Roditelji koji su hteli da usvoje su stajali u redu.

It was the primary purpose of the social worker, the aim,

Primarna svrha socijalnog radnika, sam cilj,

to get the woman at her most vulnerable time

je bio da primora ženu u najtežem trenutku

in her entire life, to sign the adoption papers.

u svom životu da potpiše dokument o usvajanju.

So the adoption papers were signed.

Tako se dokumentacija za usvajanje potpisivala.

The mother and baby's homes were often run by nuns.

Domove za majke i decu su često vodile časne sestre.

The adoption papers were signed,

Dokumentacija za usvajanje bi bila potpisana,

the child was given to the adoptive parents, and the mother

dete bi bilo predato hraniteljima, a majka bi

shipped back to her community

bila vraćena u svoju zajednicu

to say that she'd been on a little break.

da kaže kako je bila na kratkom odsustvu.

A little break.

Kratko odsustvo.

A little break.

Kratko odsustvo.

The first secret of shame for a woman

Prva tajna o sramoti za ženu zato

for being a woman, "a little break."

što je žena - „kratko odsustvo".

The adoption process took, like, a matter of months,

Proces usvajanja je trajao, recimo, mesecima

so it was a closed shop, you know, sealed deal,

tako da je to bio gotov posao,

an industrious, utilitarian solution:

„industrijsko" utilitarističko rešenje:

the government, the farmer,

vlada - poljoprivrednik,

the adopting parents, the consumer,

roditelji koji usvajaju - potrošač,

the mother, the earth, and the child, the crop.

majka - zemlja, dete - plod.

It's kind of easy to patronize the past,

Lako je popovati prošlosti

to forego our responsibilities in the present.

i odbaciti naše sadašnje obaveze.

What happened then is a direct reflection

Ono što se dogodilo nekad je direktan odraz

of what is happening now. Everybody believed themselves

onog što se događa sad. Svako ko je verovao sebi

to be doing the right thing by God and by the state

da radi pravu stvar u skladu sa voljom božjom i državnom

for the big society, fast-tracking adoption.

za veliku zajednicu - munjevito usvajanje.

So anyway, she comes here, 1967, she's pregnant,

Kako god. Došla je ovde u drugom stanju 1967. godine

and she comes from Ethiopia that was celebrating

iz Etiopije koja je proslavljala

its own jubilee at the time

te godine jubilej

under the Emperor Haile Selassie,

vladavine cara Hajla Salasija

and she lands months before the Enoch Powell speech,

i bila je ovde mesecima pre govora Enoha Pauela -

the "Rivers of Blood" speech.

pre govora o „Reci krvi".

She lands months before the Beatles release "The White Album,"

Bila je ovde mesecima ranije pre nego što su Bitlsi izdali „Beli album",

months before Martin Luther King was killed.

pre nego što je Martin Luter King ubijen.

It was a summer of love if you were white.

Ako ste tada bili beli, to je za vas bilo leto ljubavi.

If you were black, it was a summer of hate.

Ako ste bili crni, onda je to za vas bilo leto mržnje.

So she goes from Oxford, she's sent to the north of England

Tako je ona otišla iz Oksforda, bila je poslata na sever Engleske

to a mother and baby home, and appointed a social worker.

u dom za majke i decu i dobila je svog socijalnog radnika.

It's her plan. You know, I have to say this in the Houses --

To je bio njen plan. Znate, moram to reći u parlamentu -

It's her plan to have me fostered for a short period of time

planirala je da me udomi na vrlo kratko vreme

while she studies. But the social worker,

dok je studirala. Ali je socijalni radnik

he had a different agenda.

imao drugačija pravila.

He found the foster parents, and he said to them,

Pronašao je hraniteljsku porodicu i kazao im:

"Treat this as an adoption. He's yours forever.

"Smatrajte ovo usvajanjem. Vaš će biti zauvek.

His name is Norman." (Laughter)

Njegovo ime je Norman." (Smeh)

Norman! (Laughter)

Norman! (Smeh)

Norman!

Norman!

So they took me. I was a message, they said.

Tako su me uzeli. Ja sam bio poruka, kako su rekli,

I was a sign from God, they said.

bio sam znak od Boga.

I was Norman Mark Greenwood.

Ja sam bio Norman Mark Grinvud.

Now, for the next 11 years, all I know is that this woman,

Za narednih jedanaest godina, sve što znam je da je ta žena,

this birth woman, should have her eyes scratched out

rođena majka, trebalo bi da iskopa svoje oči

for not signing the adoption papers. She was an evil woman

zato što nije potpisala dokumentaciju o usvajanju. Bila je zla žena,

too selfish to sign, so I spent those 11 years

previše sebična da bi ih potpisala, tako da sam proveo tih 11 godina

kneeling and praying.

klečeći i moleći se.

I tried praying. I swear I tried praying.

Pokušao sam da se molim. Kunem se da jesam.

"God, can I have a bike for Christmas?"

„Gospode, da li mogu da dobijem bicikl za Božić?"

But I would always answer myself, "Yes, of course you can."

Ali bih uvek odgovarao sebi: „Da, naravno da možeš."

(Laughter)

( Smeh)

And then I was supposed to determine whether that

Onda je trebalo da odredim da li

was the voice of God or it was the voice of the Devil.

taj glas dolazi od Boga ili od đavola.

And it turns out I've got the Devil inside of me.

Ispostavilo se da đavo obitava u meni.

Who knew? (Laughter)

Ko je to znao? (Smeh)

So anyway, two years sort of passed,

Kako god, dve godine su nekako prošle,

and they had a child of their own,

a oni su imali svoje dete,

and then another two years passed, and they had another child of their own,

a onda su prošle još dve godine, a oni su imali drugo dete.

and then another time passed

Nakon toga je neko vreme prošlo,

and they had another child that they called an accident,

a oni su imali dete koje su nazivali slučajnošću,

which I thought was an unusual name. (Laughter)

za šta sam mislio da je neobično ime. (Smeh)

And I was on the cusp of, sort of, adolescence,

Ja sam tada bio na granici adolescentnosti

so I was starting to take biscuits from the tin without asking.

tako da sam počeo da uzimam kolačiće iz posude bez pitanja.

I was starting to stay out a little bit late, etc., etc.

Počeo sam da ostajem van kuće do kasno i slično.

Now, in their religiosity, in their naivete,

Sad, u religioznosti i naivnosti su

my mom and dad, which I believed them to be forever,

moji mama i tata, za šta sam verovao da će uvek tako biti,

as they said they were, my mom and dad

kako su sami kazali,

conceived that I had the Devil inside of me.

mislili da đavo obitava u nojim grudima.

And what -- I should say this here, because this is how

I šta - treba da to ispričam ovde zato što je to način

they engineered my leaving.

na koji su oni režirali moj odlazak.

They sat me at a table, my foster mom, and she said to me,

Seli smo za sto i moja druga majka me je pitala:

"You don't love us, do you?" At 11 years old.

„Ti nas ne voliš, zar ne?" Bilo mi je tad 11 godina.

They've had three other children. I'm the fourth. The third was an accident.

Imali su još troje dece Ja sam bio četvrto, treće-slučajnost.

And I said, "Yeah, of course I do." Because you do.

Odgovorio sam: „Naravno da vas volim zato što vi volite mene."

Ona me je zamolila da odem i razmislim o ljubavi,

My foster mother asked me to go away to think about love

and what it is and to read the Scriptures and to come back tomorrow

kao i o tome šta je to i da čitam biblijske zapise kako bih se vratio sutra

and give my most honest and truthful answer.

i dao svoj najčasniji i najiskreniji odgovor.

So this was an opportunity. If they were asking me

Ovo je bila prilika. Ako su me već pitali

whether I loved them or not, then I mustn't love them,

da li ih volim ili ne, onda ih ne smem voleti,

which led me to the miracle of thought that I thought they wanted me to get to.

što će me dovesti do svetlosti uma do kog su oni hteli da dospem.

"I will ask God for forgiveness and His light will shine

„Zamoliću Gospoda za oproštaj i on će mi osvetliti

through me to them. How fantastic." This was an opportunity.

put do njih. Stvarno fantastično." Ovo je bila prilika.

The theology was perfect, the timing unquestionable,

Uverenja su bila savršena, vreme za ovo neupitno,

and the answer as honest as a sinner could get.

a odgovor častan koliko može da ga da grešnik.

"I mustn't love you," I said to them. "But I will ask God for forgiveness."

„Ja vas ne smem voleti", kazao sam im, „ali ću moliti boga za oproštaj."

"Because you don't love us, Norman,

„S obzirom na to da nas ne voliš, Normane,

clearly you've chosen your path."

jasno je da si sam odabrao svoj put".

Twenty-four hours later, my social worker,

Dvadeset četiri časa kasnije me je moj socijalni radnik,

this strange man who used to visit me every couple of months,

čovek koji me je posećivao svakih nekoliko meseci,

he's waiting for me in the car as I say goodbye to my parents.

čekao u svojim kolima dok sam se pozdravljao sa roditeljima.

I didn't say goodbye to anybody, not my mother, my father,

Nisam rekao doviđenja nikome, ni svojoj majci, ni ocu,

my sisters, my brothers, my aunts, my uncles,

sestrama, braći, tetkama, stričevima,

my cousins, my grandparents, nobody.

rođacima, babi i dedi, nikome.

On the way to the children's home, I started to ask myself,

Na putu za dom sam upitao sebe:

"What's happened to me?"

„Šta mi se to dogodilo?"

It's not that I'd had the rug pulled from beneath me

Nije kao da su izvukli tepih ispod mene,

as much as the entire floor had been taken away.

koliko deluje da je ceo sprat otrgnut.

When I got to the —

Kada sam otišao odatle,

For the next four, five years,

narednih četiri ili pet godina

I was held in four different children's homes.

sam proveo u četiri različita doma.

On the third children's home, at 15,

Kada sam bio u svom trećem domu, sa petnaest godina sam

I started to rebel, and what I did was,

počeo da se bunim i to sam činio tako što sam nabavio

I got three tins of paint, Airfix paint that you use for models,

tri konzerve sa farbom, „Erfiks" koja se koristi za modele.

and I was -- it was a big children's home, big Victorian children's home --

Radilo se o velikoj dečijoj kući, velikoj viktorijanskoj dečijoj kući,

and I was in a little turret at the top of it,

a ja sam bio u malenoj kupoli na njenom vrhu

and I poured them, red, yellow and green,

i izlio sam boje preko crepova bojama Afrike:

the colors of Africa, down the tiles.

crvenom, zelenom i žutom.

You couldn't see it from the street, because the home

To se nije moglo videti sa ulice

was surrounded by beech trees.

zato što je dom bio okružen bukvama.

For doing this, I was incarcerated for a year

Zbog ovoga sam bio zatvoren na godinu dana

in an assessment center which was actually

u centru za preispitivanje koji je

a remand center. It was a virtual prison

bio u stvari pritvor. To je bio virtuelni

for young people.

zatvor za mlade ljude. Uzgred rečeno, socijalni radnik mi je

By the way, years later, my social worker said

pre nekoliko godina rekao da nikada

that I should never have been put in there.

nije trebalo da budem tamo.

I wasn't charged for anything. I hadn't done anything wrong.

Bio sam bespravno okrivljen. Nisam uradio ništa loše.

But because I had no family to inquire about me,

Ali s obzirom na to da nisam imao porodicu koja bi se raspitivala o meni,

they could do anything to me.

oni su mogli da mi urade bilo šta.

I'm 17 years old, and

Bio sam sedamnaestogodišnjak,

they had a padded cell.

a oni su imali posebnu ćeliju za mentalno obolele.

They would march me down corridors in last-size order.

Gurali su me kroz hodnike u dugim redovima,

They -- I was put in a dormitory

Bio sam u spavaonici sa poznatim

with a confirmed Nazi sympathizer.

sledbenikom nacizma.

All of the staff were ex-police -- interesting --

Svi zaposleni su bili bivši policajci ili,

and ex-probation officers.

zanimljivo, nadzornici uslovne kazne.

The man who ran it was an ex-army officer.

Čovek koji je upravljao domom je bio bivši vojni oficir.

Every time I had a visit by a person who I did not know

Svaki put kada bi me posetila osoba koju nisam poznavao

who would feed me grapes, once every three months,

i koja me je hranila grožđem svaka tri meseca,

I was strip-searched.

bio bih pretresen do gole kože.

That home was full of young boys who were on remand

Dom je bio pun mladića koji su bili u pritvoru

for things like murder.

zbog stvari poput ubistva.

And this was the preparation that I was being given

I to je bila priprema koju sam dobio

after 17 years as a child of the state.

nakon sedamnaest godina života državnog deteta.

I have to tell this story.

Moram da vam ispričam ovu priču.

I have to tell it, because there was no one

Moram da je ispričam, zato što nema nikog

to put two and two together.

ko će sabrati dva i dva.

I slowly became aware that I knew nobody

Polako sam postao svestan da nisam znao nikoga

that knew me for longer than a year.

ko je poznavao mene duže od godinu dana.

See, that's what family does.

Vidite, to je uticaj porodice.

It gives you reference points.

Ona vam daje osećaj vrednosti.

I'm not defining a good family from a bad family.

Ne poredim dobre i loše porodice.

I'm just saying that you know when your birthday is

Samo kažem da znate kada vam je rođendan

iz same činjenice da postoji neko da vam kaže da vam je rođendan.

by virtue of the fact that somebody tells you when your birthday is,

a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, an aunt, an uncle,

Majka, otac, sestra, brat, tetka, stric,

a cousin, a grandparent. It matters to someone,

rođak, deda ili baba. To nekom znači

and therefore it matters to you. Understand,

tako da to znači i vama, Shvatite,

I was 14 years old, tucked away in myself, into myself,

imao sam 14 godina i bio sam uvučen u sebe,

and I wasn't touched either, physically touched.

i nisam bio dirnut uopšte, čak ni fizički.

I'm reporting back. I'm reporting back simply to say that

Izveštavam. Izveštavam da bih jednostavno rekao

da su postojale dve stvari koje sam želeo da uradim

when I left the children's home I had two things

that I wanted to do. One was to find my family,

kada sam napuštao dom. Prva je bila da pronađem svoju porodicu,

and the other was to write poetry.

a druga je bila da pišem poeziju.

In creativity I saw light.

U kreativnosti sam pronašao svetlost.

In the imagination I saw the endless possibility of life,

U mašti sam pronašao beskonačnu mogućnost življenja,

the endless truth, the permanent creation of reality,

beskonačnu istinu, trajnu kreaciju stvarnosti,

the place where anger was an expression

mesto gde bes predstavlja izraz

in the search for love, a place where dysfunction

u potrazi za ljubavlju, mesto gde disfunkcija

is a true reaction to untruth.

predstavlja istinsku reakciju na neistinu.

I've just got to say it to you all: I found all of my family

Treba da vam kažem samo sledeće: pronašao sam celu svoju porodicu

in my adult life. I spent all of my adult life finding them,

u svoje zrelo doba. Potrošio sam ga celog tragajući za njima

and I've now got a fully dysfunctional family just like everybody else.

Sada imam potpuno nefunkcionalnu porodicu kao i svi drugi.

But I'm reporting back to you to say quite simply

Ali obraćam se da bih vam rekao sasvim jednostavno

that you can define how strong a democracy is

da možete proceniti koliko je demokratsko društvo snažno

by how its government treats its child.

po tome kako se njena vlast ophodi prema svom detetu.

I don't mean children. I mean the child of the state.

Ne mislim na decu nego na državno dete.

Thanks very much. It's been an honor. (Applause)

Mnogo vam hvala. Bila mi je čast. (Aplauz)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)