Lemn Sissay: A child of the state

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

翻译人员: Zheqing Fang 校对人员: Ricki Xie

Having spent 18 years as a child of the state

我是一个孤儿，由国家抚育成人

in children's homes and foster care,

在18岁之前都生活在“儿童之家”或者“寄养家庭”，

you could say that I'm an expert on the subject,

所以对于今天的话题，你可能会称我为专家，

and in being an expert, I want to let you know that

不过作为专业人士，我希望你能理解

being an expert does in no way make you right

即使是专家也不一定能告知你

in light of the truth.

什么是真理。

If you're in care, legally the government is your

如果你是被收养的孩子，法律上来说

parent, loco parentis.

政府就是你的父母。

Margaret Thatcher was my mother. (Laughter)

撒切尔夫人就是我的母亲。（笑声）

Let's not talk about breastfeeding. (Laughter)

不要在意母乳喂养。（笑声）

Harry Potter was a foster child.

哈利·波特就是一个被收养的孩子。

Pip from "Great Expectations" was adopted;

《远大前程》里的皮普是个孤儿；

Superman was a foster child;

超人也没有双亲；

Cinderella was a foster child;

灰姑娘受尽继母的虐待；

Lisbeth Salander, the girl with the dragon tattoo,

丽丝贝·莎兰德，龙纹身的女孩，

was fostered and institutionalized;

也是被收养和训练的；

Batman was orphaned;

蝙蝠侠是孤儿；

Lyra Belacqua from Philip Pullman's "Northern Lights"

菲利普·普尔曼所著《北极之光》中的贝拉奎亚

was fostered;

是被收养的；

Jane Eyre, adopted;

简·爱，孤儿；

Roald Dahl's James from "James and the Giant Peach;"

罗尔德·达尔所著《怪桃历险记》里的詹姆斯

Matilda; Moses -- Moses! (Laughter)

玛蒂尔达；摩西——摩西！（笑声）

Moses! (Laughter) --

先知摩西！（笑声）

the boys in Michael Morpurgo's "Friend or Foe;"

迈克尔·莫波格所著《朋友或敌人》中的孩子们

Alem in Benjamin Zephaniah's "Refugee Boy;"

本杰明·泽范尼所著《逃难的男孩》中的阿雷姆；

Luke Skywalker --

天行者卢克——

Luke Skywalker! (Laughter) --

天行者卢克！（笑声）

Oliver Twist;

《雾都孤儿》；

Cassia in "The Concubine of Shanghai" by Hong Ying;

虹影所著《上海王》中的小月桂；

Celie in Alice Walker's "The Color Purple."

艾丽斯·沃克所著《紫色姐妹花》中的西丽；

All of these great fictional characters, all of them

所有这些著名小说中的人物，他们的共性

who were hurt by their condition,

都是生来因成长环境所伤害，

all of them who spawned thousands of other books

他们催生出数以千计的著作

and other films, all of them

以及影视作品，无一例外

were fostered, adopted or orphaned.

都是被收养，收容或者流浪的。

It seems that writers know that the child

似乎作家们很清楚，正是这样的孩子

outside of family reflects on what family truly is

才能够反映出“家”的真谛

more than what it promotes itself to be.

这早已超出它本身所能提供的温暖。

That is, they also use extraordinary skills

又因他们运用超凡的写作技巧

to deal with extraordinary situations on a daily basis.

来处理日常生活中与众不同的情景。

How have we not made the connection?

我们如何于孤儿建立起关系?

And why have we not made the connection, between

我们又为何不尝试着去与他们交往

— How has that happened? —

要怎样去做？

between these incredible characters of popular culture

与这些与众不同的个体，

and religions, and the fostered, adopted or orphaned child

在我们身边的这些被收养或流浪荡孤儿

in our midst? It's not our pity that they need.

他们需要的不是我们的同情，

It's our respect.

而是我们的尊重。

I know famous musicians,

我认识著名的音乐家，

I know actors and film stars and millionaires and novelists

我认识演员和影星，百万富翁和作家

and top lawyers and television executives

高级律师和电视高管

and magazine editors and national journalists

杂志编辑和国家记者

and dustbinmen and hairdressers, all who were

环卫工和理发匠，他们都曾是

looked after children, fostered, adopted or orphaned,

被看护的小孩，领养的，收容的或者从小流浪，

and many of them grow into their adult lives

他们中的绝大部分成年以后

in fear of speaking of their background, as if it may

都害怕谈论到这些背景，因为这样做可能会

somehow weaken their standing in the foreground,

或多或少会黯淡他们的表面光鲜，

as if it were somehow Kryptonite, as if it were a time bomb

好似一片逆鳞，又仿佛是一颗定时炸弹

strapped on the inside. Children in care,

埋在内心深处。那些生来得到呵护的孩子，

who've had a life in care, deserve the right

注定有权享受被关爱的人生，

to own and live the memory of their own childhood.

活在他们自己的童年回忆中。

It is that simple.

它就是这么简单。

My own mother — and I should say this here —

我的生母——在这里不得不这么说

she same to this country in the late '60s,

她于60年代后期来到了这个国家

and she was, you know, she found herself pregnant,

然后，你们都能理解，她发现自己怀孕了，

as women did in the late '60s. You know what I mean?

如同60年代女性那样，你们应该知道我指的是什么？

They found themselves pregnant.

她们都发现自己怀孕了。

And she sort of, she had no idea of the context

她是那种，浑然不觉，

in which she'd landed.

对自己所来到的国家毫无概念。

In the 1960s -- I should give you some context -- in the 1960s,

在60年代，我应该给你们一些那个时期的背景描述，

if you were pregnant and you were single,

如果你怀孕却仍然单身，

you were seen as a threat to the community.

你将被视为对社区的威胁。

You were separated from your family by the state.

你会被国家赶出你的家庭。

You were separated from your family and placed into

你会离开自己的家然后被安置在

mother and baby homes.

母婴看护所。

You were appointed a social worker.

你会被指派给一位社工。

The adoptive parents were lined up.

他负责牵线那些正排队等待的领养者。

It was the primary purpose of the social worker, the aim,

这一社工的基本目的和目标，

to get the woman at her most vulnerable time

就是趁一个女人在她一生中

in her entire life, to sign the adoption papers.

最脆弱的时候，让她签下收养协议。

So the adoption papers were signed.

就这样，我的收养协议被签下了。

The mother and baby's homes were often run by nuns.

母婴看护所通常是由修女运营。

The adoption papers were signed,

在收养协议被签署之后，

the child was given to the adoptive parents, and the mother

孩子将被送到养父母家中，而生母

shipped back to her community

重返她所在的社区

to say that she'd been on a little break.

告诉大家，她刚刚休了个假。

A little break.

一个休假。

A little break.

一个休假。

The first secret of shame for a woman

作为女人最为羞耻的秘密

for being a woman, "a little break."

只是“一个休假”。

The adoption process took, like, a matter of months,

领养过程花费差不多数个月的时间，

so it was a closed shop, you know, sealed deal,

所以这是一个闭门企业，敲定协议，

an industrious, utilitarian solution:

一个实用的解决方案：

the government, the farmer,

政府扮演了农民，

the adopting parents, the consumer,

养父母扮演了消费者

the mother, the earth, and the child, the crop.

生母是大地，而孩子，就是那庄稼。

It's kind of easy to patronize the past,

这是一种非常容易抛弃过去，

to forego our responsibilities in the present.

又卸下眼前责任的方式。

What happened then is a direct reflection

那时发生的状况，也反映出

of what is happening now. Everybody believed themselves

我们现今的思维。每个人都相信

to be doing the right thing by God and by the state

他们在上帝、在政府要求下做出的事情都是正确的

for the big society, fast-tracking adoption.

是为了整个社会利益的，如同那快餐式的领养。

So anyway, she comes here, 1967, she's pregnant,

总之，她来到了这里，在1967年怀孕，

and she comes from Ethiopia that was celebrating

她从埃塞俄比亚来这里

its own jubilee at the time

庆祝自己的犹太教节日

under the Emperor Haile Selassie,

来纪念希利王，

and she lands months before the Enoch Powell speech,

她来到这里的几个月后

the "Rivers of Blood" speech.

伊诺克·鲍威尔发表了“血流成河”的演说。

She lands months before the Beatles release "The White Album,"

她来到这里的几个月后，披头士发行了《白色专辑》

months before Martin Luther King was killed.

她来到这里的几个月后，马丁·路德·金的遇害。

It was a summer of love if you were white.

那时的白人是天之骄子，

If you were black, it was a summer of hate.

而黑人则受到不公正对待，

So she goes from Oxford, she's sent to the north of England

所以她离开牛津，被送到了英国北部的

to a mother and baby home, and appointed a social worker.

一个母婴看护所，并被指派了一个社工。

It's her plan. You know, I have to say this in the Houses --

这也是她自己的计划。我不得不在这里说——

It's her plan to have me fostered for a short period of time

她的计划是让我在短期内先由寄养在别人家，

while she studies. But the social worker,

在她这么考虑时，那位社工，

he had a different agenda.

他却有着另一个计划。

He found the foster parents, and he said to them,

他找来领养的父母，然后他告诉他们，

"Treat this as an adoption. He's yours forever.

“把这当成一次收养，他将永远都是你们的，

His name is Norman." (Laughter)

他的名字就叫做诺曼。“（笑声）

Norman! (Laughter)

诺曼！（笑声）

Norman!

诺曼！

So they took me. I was a message, they said.

就这样，他们带走了我。他们说我是一个福音

I was a sign from God, they said.

他们说我是一个来自上帝的信号。

I was Norman Mark Greenwood.

我从此就成了诺曼·马克·格林伍德。

Now, for the next 11 years, all I know is that this woman,

在接下来的11年，我只知道这个女人，

this birth woman, should have her eyes scratched out

那个生我的女人，不应该眼睁睁看着

for not signing the adoption papers. She was an evil woman

那份收养协议的签署。她是一个邪恶的女人

too selfish to sign, so I spent those 11 years

太过自私，以至于那11年

kneeling and praying.

我都在跪下来祈祷。

I tried praying. I swear I tried praying.

我试着祈祷，我发誓我这么做过。

"God, can I have a bike for Christmas?"

“上帝，我可以在圣诞节得到一辆自行车吗？”

But I would always answer myself, "Yes, of course you can."

我总听到内心中有声音回答，“行，你当然可以。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And then I was supposed to determine whether that

这样，我就想来确认，这声音是来自

was the voice of God or it was the voice of the Devil.

上帝？还是来自魔鬼。

And it turns out I've got the Devil inside of me.

结果证明，那是魔鬼的欺骗。

Who knew? (Laughter)

谁知道呢？（笑声）

So anyway, two years sort of passed,

总之，收养我之后过去了两年，

and they had a child of their own,

他们有了自己的孩子，

and then another two years passed, and they had another child of their own,

又过去了两年，他们又多了一个自己的孩子，

and then another time passed

又过去了几年

and they had another child that they called an accident,

他们迎来了第三个孩子，给他起名“意外”，

which I thought was an unusual name. (Laughter)

我觉得这是一个不同寻常的名字。（笑声）

And I was on the cusp of, sort of, adolescence,

而那时，我处在，应该说是在青春期，

so I was starting to take biscuits from the tin without asking.

我开始从罐头里拿饼干而不事前请求允许，

I was starting to stay out a little bit late, etc., etc.

我开始在户外玩而晚回家，等等，等等

Now, in their religiosity, in their naivete,

现在，由于他们的宗教信仰，他们的天性，

my mom and dad, which I believed them to be forever,

我的母亲和父亲，我曾经以为是永远的父母，

as they said they were, my mom and dad

也曾经是他们这样允诺过，我的母亲和父亲

conceived that I had the Devil inside of me.

开始想象我的内心深处藏着魔鬼。

And what -- I should say this here, because this is how

以及——我在这里不得不说，他们就是这样

they engineered my leaving.

策划着让我离去。

They sat me at a table, my foster mom, and she said to me,

他们让我坐在桌前，我的养母开始对我说，

"You don't love us, do you?" At 11 years old.

“你不爱我们了，是不是？”，那时我11岁。

They've had three other children. I'm the fourth. The third was an accident.

他们已经有了三个孩子，我是第四个。第三个是个意外。

And I said, "Yeah, of course I do." Because you do.

我的回答是，“嗯，我当然爱着你们。” 因为你们爱我。

My foster mother asked me to go away to think about love

我的养母要求我离开去想一想什么是爱

and what it is and to read the Scriptures and to come back tomorrow

去读一下《圣经》，然后明天再过来

and give my most honest and truthful answer.

给她最诚实和真实的回答。

So this was an opportunity. If they were asking me

所以这是一个机会，如果他们问我

whether I loved them or not, then I mustn't love them,

我是否爱着他们，然后我又不能回答爱着他们，

which led me to the miracle of thought that I thought they wanted me to get to.

这导致我顺着他们的思路，产生了个奇思妙想，

"I will ask God for forgiveness and His light will shine

“我将祈求上帝的宽恕，他的光芒将通过我

through me to them. How fantastic." This was an opportunity.

照耀到他们。多么美好啊！”这一定是一个机会。

The theology was perfect, the timing unquestionable,

理论是完美的，时机也是恰到好处的，

and the answer as honest as a sinner could get.

那回答像一个罪人给出的最诚实的坦白。

"I mustn't love you," I said to them. "But I will ask God for forgiveness."

“我不能爱你们”，我对他们说。“但是我会恳求上帝的原谅。”

"Because you don't love us, Norman,

“既然你不爱我们，诺曼，

clearly you've chosen your path."

显然你已经选好了自己的道路。”

Twenty-four hours later, my social worker,

二十四小时之后，我的那位社工，

this strange man who used to visit me every couple of months,

那位陌生人，每隔几个月就来看看我，

he's waiting for me in the car as I say goodbye to my parents.

他在车内等我与父母告别。

I didn't say goodbye to anybody, not my mother, my father,

但我没对任何一个人说再见，没有对妈妈，没有对爸爸，

my sisters, my brothers, my aunts, my uncles,

我的姐姐，哥哥，我的婶婶和叔叔，

my cousins, my grandparents, nobody.

我的堂弟们，我的祖父母，没和任何一个人。

On the way to the children's home, I started to ask myself,

直到快到儿童收容所，我才开始问起自己，

"What's happened to me?"

“我出了什么事吗？”

It's not that I'd had the rug pulled from beneath me

这种感觉不仅仅是从我脚下抽走地毯

as much as the entire floor had been taken away.

而是把整个地板都给掀走了。

When I got to the —

当我到了——

For the next four, five years,

在接下来的四、五年

I was held in four different children's homes.

我到了四个不同的儿童收容所，

On the third children's home, at 15,

在第三个收容所时，我是15岁，

I started to rebel, and what I did was,

我开始叛逆，我那时候做的是，

I got three tins of paint, Airfix paint that you use for models,

我拿到三罐油漆，是那种用于做模型的蚀刻片漆，

and I was -- it was a big children's home, big Victorian children's home --

那是一个有规模的儿童收容所，维多利亚儿童收养院

and I was in a little turret at the top of it,

我在一个小角楼的顶部，

and I poured them, red, yellow and green,

把那红的、黄的、绿的油漆倾倒下来，

the colors of Africa, down the tiles.

那种非洲的色彩，沿着砖墙着落。

You couldn't see it from the street, because the home

你没法在街道上看到它们，因为这收容所

was surrounded by beech trees.

被山毛榉树重重包围。

For doing this, I was incarcerated for a year

因为做了这样的事，我被关了一年禁闭

in an assessment center which was actually

在一个号称“观察评估中心”的地方

a remand center. It was a virtual prison

事实上是一个羁押所，一个虚拟的监狱

for young people.

专门囚禁那些未成年人。

By the way, years later, my social worker said

顺便一提，数年以后，我的社工告诉我说

that I should never have been put in there.

我其实不应该被囚禁在那里，

I wasn't charged for anything. I hadn't done anything wrong.

我并没有任何可以指控的罪行，我没有做错什么。

But because I had no family to inquire about me,

但仅仅因为我没有一个家人能够来取保我，

they could do anything to me.

他们也无能为力。

I'm 17 years old, and

在我17岁的时候，

they had a padded cell.

他们有一个墙四周塞满软垫的囚室。

They would march me down corridors in last-size order.

他们从走廊开始按年龄顺序强迫我

They -- I was put in a dormitory

他们——把我关在一间宿舍

with a confirmed Nazi sympathizer.

与一个被确认为纳粹支持者的人住一起。

All of the staff were ex-police -- interesting --

所有这些员工都是“前警察”——非常有意思——

and ex-probation officers.

以及“前试用官员”。

The man who ran it was an ex-army officer.

而负责管理的人是一个“前军官”。

Every time I had a visit by a person who I did not know

每一次我都由一个不认识的人来探望

who would feed me grapes, once every three months,

他将喂我一些葡萄，三个月一次，

I was strip-searched.

我被当成嫌疑犯进行裸身搜查。

That home was full of young boys who were on remand

在那个房间里，充满那未成年人被指控

for things like murder.

犯有类似谋杀的罪行。

And this was the preparation that I was being given

我就是经由了这些准备过程

after 17 years as a child of the state.

结束了17年作为一个国家的孩子的身份。

I have to tell this story.

我不得不向大家述说这个故事。

I have to tell it, because there was no one

我不得不述说这些，因为这里没有一个人

to put two and two together.

可以把你们两两凑在一起

I slowly became aware that I knew nobody

我慢慢的开始意识到，我发现没有人

that knew me for longer than a year.

会和我在一起超过一年。

See, that's what family does.

看，这就是家庭所能带来的。

It gives you reference points.

它能给你参考点。

I'm not defining a good family from a bad family.

我不去区分哪些好的家庭或坏的家庭。

I'm just saying that you know when your birthday is

我想说的是，你至少在你的生日

by virtue of the fact that somebody tells you when your birthday is,

会有人来告诉你，生日到了，

a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, an aunt, an uncle,

会有母亲，父亲，姐姐，哥哥，婶婶，叔叔，

a cousin, a grandparent. It matters to someone,

堂弟，祖父。它关系着人与人，

and therefore it matters to you. Understand,

也因此牵系着你。请理解，

I was 14 years old, tucked away in myself, into myself,

我在14岁的时候，把自己藏起来，藏在自己内心，

and I wasn't touched either, physically touched.

我不去与人交往，也没有肢体接触。

I'm reporting back. I'm reporting back simply to say that

让我回到主题，简单的说来

when I left the children's home I had two things

当我离开收容所后，我有两件事

that I wanted to do. One was to find my family,

想要达成。一个是寻找我的家人，

and the other was to write poetry.

另一个是写诗。

In creativity I saw light.

在创作中，我看到了曙光。

In the imagination I saw the endless possibility of life,

在想象中，我看到了生命无穷尽的可能性，

the endless truth, the permanent creation of reality,

真理的无尽，和真相的永恒，

the place where anger was an expression

在那里，愤怒是用来表现

in the search for love, a place where dysfunction

对爱的索取；在那里，不完美

is a true reaction to untruth.

是真诚对谎言的揭穿。

I've just got to say it to you all: I found all of my family

我想告诉你们的是：我已经找到了我所有的家人

in my adult life. I spent all of my adult life finding them,

在我成年以后。我用尽所有成年的时光来发现他们，

and I've now got a fully dysfunctional family just like everybody else.

现在和在座各位一样，我已经有了虽然不健全但却完整的家庭。

But I'm reporting back to you to say quite simply

我还是要再向大家做一个简单的总结

that you can define how strong a democracy is

你可以定义一个国家的民主程度

by how its government treats its child.

通过观察它的政府是如何对待它的孩子。

I don't mean children. I mean the child of the state.

我不是说所有的孩子，而是那些“国家孤儿”。

Thanks very much. It's been an honor. (Applause)

非常感谢，非常荣幸。（掌声）

(Applause)

（掌声）