A new way to think about the transition to motherhood | Alexandra Sacks

Prevodilac: Ivana Krivokuća Lektor: Tijana Mihajlović

Do you remember a time when you felt hormonal and moody?

Sećate se kada se se osećali pod uticajem hormona i neraspoloženo?

Your skin was breaking out,

Izlazile su vam bubuljice,

your body was growing in strange places and very fast,

telo vam je raslo na čudnim mestima i veoma brzo,

and at the same time,

a u isto vreme,

people were expecting you to be grown-up in this new way.

ljudi su očekivali od vas da budete odrasli na nov način.

Teenagers, right?

Tinejdžeri, je l' da?

Well, these same changes happen to a woman when she's having a baby.

Pa, te iste promene se dešavaju ženi kada je trudna.

And we know that it's normal for teenagers to feel all over the place,

A znamo da je normalno da se tinejdžeri osećaju izgubljeno,

so why don't we talk about pregnancy in the same way?

pa zašto ne govorimo o trudnoći na isti način?

There are entire textbooks written about the developmental arc of adolescence,

Napisani su čitavi udžbenici o razvojnom putu adolescencije,

and we don't even have a word to describe the transition to motherhood.

a nemamo ni jednu jedinu reč za opis prelaska u majčinstvo.

We need one.

Potrebna nam je takva reč.

I'm a psychiatrist who works with pregnant and postpartum women,

Ja sam psihijatar koji radi sa trudnicama i ženama u postporođajnom periodu,

a reproductive psychiatrist,

reproduktivni psihijatar,

and in the decade that I've been working in this field,

i tokom decenije rada u ovom polju

I've noticed a pattern.

primetila sam obrazac.

It goes something like this:

Ide ovako nekako:

a woman calls me up,

žena me pozove,

she's just had a baby,

upravo je rodila bebu

and she's concerned.

i zabrinuta je.

She says, "I'm not good at this. I'm not enjoying this.

Kaže: „Ne ide mi ovo. Ne uživam u ovome.

Do I have postpartum depression?"

Da li imam postporođajnu depresiju?“

So I go through the symptoms of that diagnosis,

Prođem kroz simptome te dijagnoze,

and it's clear to me that she's not clinically depressed,

jasno mi je da ona nije klinički depresivna

and I tell her that.

i to joj i kažem.

But she isn't reassured.

Ali ona nije sigurna u to.

"It isn't supposed to feel like this," she insists.

„Ne bi trebalo da bude ovakav osećaj“, insistira ona.

So I say, "OK. What did you expect it to feel like?"

Ja kažem: „U redu. Kakav si osećaj očekivala?“

She says, "I thought motherhood would make feel whole and happy.

Ona kaže: „Mislila sam da će majčinstvo učiniti da se osećam ispunjeno i srećno.

I thought my instincts would naturally tell me what to do.

Mislila da sam da će mi instinkti prirodno govoriti šta da radim.

I thought I'd always want to put the baby first."

Mislila sam da ću uvek hteti da stavim bebu na prvo mesto.“

This -- this is an unrealistic expectation

Ovo je nerealno očekivanje

of what the transition to motherhood feels like.

o tome kakav je doživljaj prelaska u majčinstvo.

And it wasn't just her.

A nije samo ona bila u pitanju.

I was getting calls with questions like this from hundreds of women,

Primala sam pozive od stotina žena sa ovakvim pitanjima,

all concerned that something was wrong,

a sve su bile zabrinute da nešto nije u redu

because they couldn't measure up.

jer nisu mogle da ispune očekivanje.

And I didn't know how to help them,

Nisam znala kako da im pomognem,

because telling them that they weren't sick

jer se od pričanja o tome da nisu bolesne

wasn't making them feel better.

nisu osećale bolje.

I wanted to find a way to normalize this transition,

Htela sam da pronađem način da normalizujem ovu promenu,

to explain that discomfort is not always the same thing as disease.

da objasnim da nelagodnost nije uvek isto što i bolest.

So I set out to learn more about the psychology of motherhood.

Zato sam krenula da naučim nešto više o psihologiji majčinstva.

But there actually wasn't much in the medical textbooks,

Ali baš i nije bilo mnogo toga u medicinskim udžbenicima,

because doctors mostly write about disease.

jer doktori uglavnom pišu o bolestima.

So I turned to anthropology.

Zato sam se okrenula antropologiji.

And it took me two years, but in an out-of-print essay

Trebalo mi je dve godine, ali sam u eseju koji više nije u štampi,

written in 1973 by Dana Raphael,

koji je 1973. godine napisala Dejna Rafael,

I finally found a helpful way to frame this conversation:

konačno pronašla koristan način da uokvirim ovaj razgovor:

matrescence.

matrescencija.

It's not a coincidence that "matrescence" sounds like "adolescence."

Nije slučajnost da „matrescencija“ zvuči kao „adolescencija“.

Both are times when body morphing and hormone shifting

Oba predstavljaju periode kada promene tela i hormona

lead to an upheaval in how a person feels emotionally

dovode do preokreta u emocionalnom doživljaju osobe

and how they fit into the world.

i u tome kako se ona uklapa u svet.

And like adolescence, matrescence is not a disease,

Kao i adolescencija, matrescencija nije bolest,

but since it's not in the medical vocabulary,

ali pošto nije u medicinskom rečniku,

since doctors aren't educating people about it,

pošto doktori ne edukuju ljude o tome,

it's being confused with a more serious condition

meša se sa ozbiljnijim stanjem

called postpartum depression.

zvanim postporođajna depresija.

I've been building on the anthropology literature

Nadovezala sam se na antropološku literaturu

and have been talking about matrescence with my patients

i govorila o matrescenciji sa svojim pacijentima

using a concept called the "push and pull."

pomoću koncepta zvanog „odbacivanje i povlačenje“.

Here's the pull part.

Evo dela o povlačenju.

As humans, our babies are uniquely dependent.

Kao ljudska bića, naše bebe su zavisne na jedinstveni način.

Unlike other animals, our babies can't walk,

Za razliku od drugih životinja, naše bebe ne mogu da hodaju,

they can't feed themselves,

ne mogu da se samostalno hrane,

they're very hard to take care of.

vrlo je teško starati se o njima.

So evolution has helped us out with this hormone called oxytocin.

Zato nam je evolucija pomogla hormonom po imenu oksitocin.

It's released around childbirth

Oslobađa se oko porođaja,

and also during skin-to-skin touch,

kao i za vreme dodira kože na kožu,

so it rises even if you didn't give birth to the baby.

tako da se povećava čak i ako niste vi rodili bebu.

Oxytocin helps a human mother's brain zoom in, pulling her attention in,

Oksitocin pomaže mozgu majke da se fokusira, povlačeći njenu pažnju,

so that the baby is now at the center of her world.

tako da je sada beba centar njenog sveta.

But at the same time, her mind is pushing away,

Ali istovremeno, njen um i odbacuje,

because she remembers there are all these other parts to her identity --

jer se ona seća da postoje svi ti drugi delovi njenog identiteta -

other relationships,

druge veze,

her work,

njen posao,

hobbies,

hobiji,

a spiritual and intellectual life,

spiritualni i intelektualni život,

not to mention physical needs:

da ne pominjem fizičke potrebe:

to sleep, to eat, to exercise,

da spava, jede, vežba,

to have sex,

upražnjava seksualne odnose,

to go to the bathroom,

da ide u kupatilo,

alone --

sama -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

if possible.

ako je to moguće.

This is the emotional tug-of-war of matrescence.

To je emocionalna igra povlačenja konopca u matrescenciji.

This is the tension the women calling me were feeling.

To je tenzija koju su osećale žene koje su me zvale.

It's why they thought they were sick.

Zato su mislile da su bolesne.

If women understood the natural progression of matrescence,

Kada bi žene razumele prirodan sled matrescencije,

if they knew that most people found it hard to live inside this push and pull,

kada bi znale da je za većinu ljudi teško da žive u tom odbacivanju i povlačenju,

if they knew that under these circumstances,

kada bi znale da je u takvim okolnostima

ambivalence was normal and nothing to be ashamed of,

ambivalentnost normalna i da nije nešto čega se treba stideti,

they would feel less alone,

osećale bi se manje usamljeno,

they would feel less stigmatized,

osećale bi se manje stigmatizovano,

and I think it would even reduce rates of postpartum depression.

a mislim da bi to čak umanjilo i stopu postporođajne depresije.

I'd love to study that one day.

Volela bih da to istražim jednog dana.

I'm a believer in talk therapy,

Verujem u terapiju razgovorom,

so if we're going to change the way our culture understands

tako da, ako hoćemo da promenimo način

na koji naša kultura shvata ovaj prelaz u majčinstvo,

this transition to motherhood,

women need to be talking to each other,

žene moraju da razgovaraju jedna sa drugom,

not just me.

a ne samo sa mnom.

So mothers, talk about your matrescence

Dakle, majke, pričajte o svojoj matrescenciji

with other mothers, with your friends,

sa drugim majkama, sa svojim prijateljima

and, if you have one, with your partner,

i, ako ga imate, sa svojim partnerom,

so that they can understand their own transition

tako da oni mogu da razumeju sopstvene promene

and better support you.

i da vas bolje podrže.

But it's not just about protecting your relationship.

Ali, ne radi se samo o tome da se zaštite vaše veze.

When you preserve a separate part of your identity,

Kada sačuvate odvojeni deo svog identiteta,

you're also leaving room for your child to develop their own.

takođe ostavljate mesta da vaše dete razvije svoj.

When a baby is born, so is a mother,

Kada se beba rodi, rađa se i majka,

each unsteady in their own way.

svaka nestabilna na svoj način.

Matrescence is profound,

Matrescencija je vrlo duboka,

but it's also hard,

ali je i teška,

and that's what makes it human.

i to je ono što je čini ljudskom.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)