A new way to think about the transition to motherhood | Alexandra Sacks

285,942 views ・ 2018-09-20

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Prevodilac: Ivana Krivokuća Lektor: Tijana Mihajlović
00:13
Do you remember a time when you felt hormonal and moody?
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Sećate se kada se se osećali pod uticajem hormona i neraspoloženo?
00:17
Your skin was breaking out,
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Izlazile su vam bubuljice,
00:19
your body was growing in strange places and very fast,
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telo vam je raslo na čudnim mestima i veoma brzo,
00:24
and at the same time,
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a u isto vreme,
00:25
people were expecting you to be grown-up in this new way.
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ljudi su očekivali od vas da budete odrasli na nov način.
00:29
Teenagers, right?
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Tinejdžeri, je l' da?
00:31
Well, these same changes happen to a woman when she's having a baby.
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Pa, te iste promene se dešavaju ženi kada je trudna.
00:36
And we know that it's normal for teenagers to feel all over the place,
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A znamo da je normalno da se tinejdžeri osećaju izgubljeno,
00:40
so why don't we talk about pregnancy in the same way?
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pa zašto ne govorimo o trudnoći na isti način?
00:44
There are entire textbooks written about the developmental arc of adolescence,
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Napisani su čitavi udžbenici o razvojnom putu adolescencije,
00:50
and we don't even have a word to describe the transition to motherhood.
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a nemamo ni jednu jedinu reč za opis prelaska u majčinstvo.
00:55
We need one.
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Potrebna nam je takva reč.
00:57
I'm a psychiatrist who works with pregnant and postpartum women,
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Ja sam psihijatar koji radi sa trudnicama i ženama u postporođajnom periodu,
01:00
a reproductive psychiatrist,
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reproduktivni psihijatar,
01:02
and in the decade that I've been working in this field,
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i tokom decenije rada u ovom polju
01:05
I've noticed a pattern.
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primetila sam obrazac.
01:06
It goes something like this:
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Ide ovako nekako:
01:08
a woman calls me up,
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žena me pozove,
01:10
she's just had a baby,
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upravo je rodila bebu
01:12
and she's concerned.
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i zabrinuta je.
01:13
She says, "I'm not good at this. I'm not enjoying this.
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Kaže: „Ne ide mi ovo. Ne uživam u ovome.
01:17
Do I have postpartum depression?"
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Da li imam postporođajnu depresiju?“
01:20
So I go through the symptoms of that diagnosis,
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Prođem kroz simptome te dijagnoze,
01:23
and it's clear to me that she's not clinically depressed,
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jasno mi je da ona nije klinički depresivna
01:26
and I tell her that.
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i to joj i kažem.
01:27
But she isn't reassured.
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Ali ona nije sigurna u to.
01:29
"It isn't supposed to feel like this," she insists.
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„Ne bi trebalo da bude ovakav osećaj“, insistira ona.
01:32
So I say, "OK. What did you expect it to feel like?"
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Ja kažem: „U redu. Kakav si osećaj očekivala?“
01:36
She says, "I thought motherhood would make feel whole and happy.
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Ona kaže: „Mislila sam da će majčinstvo učiniti da se osećam ispunjeno i srećno.
01:41
I thought my instincts would naturally tell me what to do.
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Mislila da sam da će mi instinkti prirodno govoriti šta da radim.
01:45
I thought I'd always want to put the baby first."
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Mislila sam da ću uvek hteti da stavim bebu na prvo mesto.“
01:49
This -- this is an unrealistic expectation
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Ovo je nerealno očekivanje
01:53
of what the transition to motherhood feels like.
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o tome kakav je doživljaj prelaska u majčinstvo.
01:56
And it wasn't just her.
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A nije samo ona bila u pitanju.
01:58
I was getting calls with questions like this from hundreds of women,
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Primala sam pozive od stotina žena sa ovakvim pitanjima,
02:03
all concerned that something was wrong,
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a sve su bile zabrinute da nešto nije u redu
02:06
because they couldn't measure up.
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jer nisu mogle da ispune očekivanje.
02:08
And I didn't know how to help them,
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Nisam znala kako da im pomognem,
02:11
because telling them that they weren't sick
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jer se od pričanja o tome da nisu bolesne
02:13
wasn't making them feel better.
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nisu osećale bolje.
02:16
I wanted to find a way to normalize this transition,
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Htela sam da pronađem način da normalizujem ovu promenu,
02:21
to explain that discomfort is not always the same thing as disease.
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da objasnim da nelagodnost nije uvek isto što i bolest.
02:26
So I set out to learn more about the psychology of motherhood.
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Zato sam krenula da naučim nešto više o psihologiji majčinstva.
02:30
But there actually wasn't much in the medical textbooks,
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Ali baš i nije bilo mnogo toga u medicinskim udžbenicima,
02:33
because doctors mostly write about disease.
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jer doktori uglavnom pišu o bolestima.
02:36
So I turned to anthropology.
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Zato sam se okrenula antropologiji.
02:39
And it took me two years, but in an out-of-print essay
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Trebalo mi je dve godine, ali sam u eseju koji više nije u štampi,
02:42
written in 1973 by Dana Raphael,
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koji je 1973. godine napisala Dejna Rafael,
02:46
I finally found a helpful way to frame this conversation:
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konačno pronašla koristan način da uokvirim ovaj razgovor:
02:51
matrescence.
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matrescencija.
02:53
It's not a coincidence that "matrescence" sounds like "adolescence."
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Nije slučajnost da „matrescencija“ zvuči kao „adolescencija“.
02:59
Both are times when body morphing and hormone shifting
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Oba predstavljaju periode kada promene tela i hormona
03:02
lead to an upheaval in how a person feels emotionally
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dovode do preokreta u emocionalnom doživljaju osobe
03:06
and how they fit into the world.
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i u tome kako se ona uklapa u svet.
03:08
And like adolescence, matrescence is not a disease,
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Kao i adolescencija, matrescencija nije bolest,
03:13
but since it's not in the medical vocabulary,
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ali pošto nije u medicinskom rečniku,
03:15
since doctors aren't educating people about it,
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pošto doktori ne edukuju ljude o tome,
03:18
it's being confused with a more serious condition
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meša se sa ozbiljnijim stanjem
03:21
called postpartum depression.
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zvanim postporođajna depresija.
03:24
I've been building on the anthropology literature
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Nadovezala sam se na antropološku literaturu
03:26
and have been talking about matrescence with my patients
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i govorila o matrescenciji sa svojim pacijentima
03:30
using a concept called the "push and pull."
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pomoću koncepta zvanog „odbacivanje i povlačenje“.
03:33
Here's the pull part.
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Evo dela o povlačenju.
03:35
As humans, our babies are uniquely dependent.
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Kao ljudska bića, naše bebe su zavisne na jedinstveni način.
03:39
Unlike other animals, our babies can't walk,
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Za razliku od drugih životinja, naše bebe ne mogu da hodaju,
03:42
they can't feed themselves,
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ne mogu da se samostalno hrane,
03:43
they're very hard to take care of.
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vrlo je teško starati se o njima.
03:45
So evolution has helped us out with this hormone called oxytocin.
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Zato nam je evolucija pomogla hormonom po imenu oksitocin.
03:50
It's released around childbirth
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Oslobađa se oko porođaja,
03:53
and also during skin-to-skin touch,
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kao i za vreme dodira kože na kožu,
03:55
so it rises even if you didn't give birth to the baby.
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tako da se povećava čak i ako niste vi rodili bebu.
03:59
Oxytocin helps a human mother's brain zoom in, pulling her attention in,
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Oksitocin pomaže mozgu majke da se fokusira, povlačeći njenu pažnju,
04:05
so that the baby is now at the center of her world.
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tako da je sada beba centar njenog sveta.
04:08
But at the same time, her mind is pushing away,
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Ali istovremeno, njen um i odbacuje,
04:13
because she remembers there are all these other parts to her identity --
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jer se ona seća da postoje svi ti drugi delovi njenog identiteta -
04:19
other relationships,
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druge veze,
04:21
her work,
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njen posao,
04:22
hobbies,
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hobiji,
04:24
a spiritual and intellectual life,
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spiritualni i intelektualni život,
04:26
not to mention physical needs:
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da ne pominjem fizičke potrebe:
04:28
to sleep, to eat, to exercise,
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da spava, jede, vežba,
04:32
to have sex,
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upražnjava seksualne odnose,
04:33
to go to the bathroom,
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da ide u kupatilo,
04:35
alone --
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sama -
04:36
(Laughter)
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(Smeh)
04:37
if possible.
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ako je to moguće.
04:39
This is the emotional tug-of-war of matrescence.
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To je emocionalna igra povlačenja konopca u matrescenciji.
04:44
This is the tension the women calling me were feeling.
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To je tenzija koju su osećale žene koje su me zvale.
04:47
It's why they thought they were sick.
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Zato su mislile da su bolesne.
04:51
If women understood the natural progression of matrescence,
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Kada bi žene razumele prirodan sled matrescencije,
04:55
if they knew that most people found it hard to live inside this push and pull,
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kada bi znale da je za većinu ljudi teško da žive u tom odbacivanju i povlačenju,
05:01
if they knew that under these circumstances,
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kada bi znale da je u takvim okolnostima
05:04
ambivalence was normal and nothing to be ashamed of,
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ambivalentnost normalna i da nije nešto čega se treba stideti,
05:09
they would feel less alone,
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osećale bi se manje usamljeno,
05:11
they would feel less stigmatized,
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osećale bi se manje stigmatizovano,
05:13
and I think it would even reduce rates of postpartum depression.
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a mislim da bi to čak umanjilo i stopu postporođajne depresije.
05:18
I'd love to study that one day.
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Volela bih da to istražim jednog dana.
05:21
I'm a believer in talk therapy,
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Verujem u terapiju razgovorom,
05:23
so if we're going to change the way our culture understands
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tako da, ako hoćemo da promenimo način
na koji naša kultura shvata ovaj prelaz u majčinstvo,
05:26
this transition to motherhood,
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05:27
women need to be talking to each other,
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žene moraju da razgovaraju jedna sa drugom,
05:30
not just me.
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a ne samo sa mnom.
05:32
So mothers, talk about your matrescence
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Dakle, majke, pričajte o svojoj matrescenciji
05:35
with other mothers, with your friends,
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sa drugim majkama, sa svojim prijateljima
05:38
and, if you have one, with your partner,
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i, ako ga imate, sa svojim partnerom,
05:40
so that they can understand their own transition
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tako da oni mogu da razumeju sopstvene promene
05:43
and better support you.
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i da vas bolje podrže.
05:45
But it's not just about protecting your relationship.
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Ali, ne radi se samo o tome da se zaštite vaše veze.
05:49
When you preserve a separate part of your identity,
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Kada sačuvate odvojeni deo svog identiteta,
05:53
you're also leaving room for your child to develop their own.
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takođe ostavljate mesta da vaše dete razvije svoj.
05:58
When a baby is born, so is a mother,
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Kada se beba rodi, rađa se i majka,
06:02
each unsteady in their own way.
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svaka nestabilna na svoj način.
06:05
Matrescence is profound,
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Matrescencija je vrlo duboka,
06:07
but it's also hard,
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ali je i teška,
06:09
and that's what makes it human.
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i to je ono što je čini ljudskom.
06:12
Thank you.
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Hvala.
06:13
(Applause)
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(Aplauz)
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