A new way to think about the transition to motherhood | Alexandra Sacks
285,942 views ・ 2018-09-20
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譯者: Lilian Chiu
審譯者: Helen Chang
00:13
Do you remember a time
when you felt hormonal and moody?
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你是否記得自己有過荷爾蒙作用
且喜怒無常的時候?
00:17
Your skin was breaking out,
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你的皮膚突然起疹子,
00:19
your body was growing
in strange places and very fast,
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你的身體成長的部位
很奇怪,且成長快速,
00:24
and at the same time,
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同時,
00:25
people were expecting you to be
grown-up in this new way.
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大家都期待你以這種
新方式成為一個成人。
00:29
Teenagers, right?
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青少年,是吧?
00:31
Well, these same changes happen
to a woman when she's having a baby.
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生孩子的女性,
也同樣會遇到這樣的狀況。
00:36
And we know that it's normal
for teenagers to feel all over the place,
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我們知道,青少年
覺得紊亂是很正常的,
00:40
so why don't we talk about
pregnancy in the same way?
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所以,為什麼我們不能
用同樣的方式來談懷孕?
00:44
There are entire textbooks written about
the developmental arc of adolescence,
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有整本談青春期發展曲線的教科書,
00:50
and we don't even have a word
to describe the transition to motherhood.
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而我們甚至沒有一個詞
可以用來描述成為人母的轉變。
00:55
We need one.
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我們需要一個詞。
00:57
I'm a psychiatrist who works
with pregnant and postpartum women,
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我是精神病學家,處理的對象
是懷孕和產後的女性,
01:00
a reproductive psychiatrist,
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我算是生殖精神病學家,
01:02
and in the decade that I've been
working in this field,
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我在這個領域做了十年,
這段時間我注意到一種模式。
01:05
I've noticed a pattern.
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01:06
It goes something like this:
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它大致上是這樣的:
01:08
a woman calls me up,
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一名女子打電話給我,
01:10
she's just had a baby,
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她剛生完孩子,
01:12
and she's concerned.
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她很憂心。
01:13
She says, "I'm not good at this.
I'm not enjoying this.
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她說:「這不是我擅長的。
我一點也不樂在其中。
01:17
Do I have postpartum depression?"
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我是否得了產後憂鬱症?」
01:20
So I go through the symptoms
of that diagnosis,
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所以我研究了那次診斷的症狀,
01:23
and it's clear to me
that she's not clinically depressed,
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我很清楚知道,
在臨床上她並沒有憂鬱症,
01:26
and I tell her that.
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我也是這樣告訴她的。
01:27
But she isn't reassured.
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但她沒有感到放心。
01:29
"It isn't supposed to feel
like this," she insists.
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她堅持:「正常的感覺
不該是這樣的。」
01:32
So I say, "OK. What did you
expect it to feel like?"
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於是我說:「好,
你預期應該有怎樣的感覺?」
01:36
She says, "I thought motherhood
would make feel whole and happy.
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她說:「我以為身為人母
能讓我覺得完整並快樂。
01:41
I thought my instincts
would naturally tell me what to do.
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我以為我的本能會
很自然地告訴我該做什麼。
01:45
I thought I'd always want
to put the baby first."
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我以為我會永遠
想要把寶寶放在第一。」
01:49
This -- this is an unrealistic expectation
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對於成為人母的轉變,
01:53
of what the transition
to motherhood feels like.
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這是很不實際的期望。
01:56
And it wasn't just her.
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她不是唯一一個。
01:58
I was getting calls with questions
like this from hundreds of women,
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我接過數百名女性打來的電話,
都是問類似這樣的問題,
02:03
all concerned that something was wrong,
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她們都覺得有什麼地方不對勁,
02:06
because they couldn't measure up.
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因為她們的期望沒有發生。
02:08
And I didn't know how to help them,
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我不知道要如何協助她們,
02:11
because telling them
that they weren't sick
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因為告訴她們說她們沒有生病
02:13
wasn't making them feel better.
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並不會讓她們感覺好些。
02:16
I wanted to find a way
to normalize this transition,
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我想要找一種方式,
來將這種轉變給標準化,
02:21
to explain that discomfort is not always
the same thing as disease.
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來解釋不舒服的感覺
並不總是等同於疾病。
02:26
So I set out to learn more about
the psychology of motherhood.
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所以我開始學習更多
關於母親的心理學。
02:30
But there actually wasn't much
in the medical textbooks,
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但在醫學教科書中,
其實沒有多少資訊,
02:33
because doctors mostly
write about disease.
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因為醫生通常寫的題材都是疾病。
02:36
So I turned to anthropology.
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於是我轉向人類學。
02:39
And it took me two years,
but in an out-of-print essay
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我花了兩年的時間,在達納拉斐爾
02:42
written in 1973 by Dana Raphael,
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於 1973 年所寫的
一篇已絕版短文中,
02:46
I finally found a helpful way
to frame this conversation:
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我終於找到了一種
有幫助的方式,來建構這談話:
02:51
matrescence.
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母親期(成為母親的過程)。
02:53
It's not a coincidence that "matrescence"
sounds like "adolescence."
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「母親期」聽起來像
「青春期」並不是巧合。
02:59
Both are times when body morphing
and hormone shifting
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這兩段時期都是身體蛻變
和荷爾蒙轉變的時期,
03:02
lead to an upheaval
in how a person feels emotionally
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造成在情緒感受上的混亂,
03:06
and how they fit into the world.
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且不知道要如何融入世界。
03:08
And like adolescence,
matrescence is not a disease,
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如同青春期,母親期也不是疾病,
03:13
but since it's not
in the medical vocabulary,
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但因為它不在醫學詞彙中,
03:15
since doctors aren't
educating people about it,
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醫生也沒有去教育大家認識母親期,
03:18
it's being confused
with a more serious condition
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所以大家會把母親期會和更嚴重的
03:21
called postpartum depression.
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產後憂鬱症搞混。
03:24
I've been building on
the anthropology literature
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我一直以人類學文獻為論據基礎,
03:26
and have been talking
about matrescence with my patients
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我不斷用一種叫做
「推拉」的概念,
03:30
using a concept called
the "push and pull."
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來和我的病人談母親期。
03:33
Here's the pull part.
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拉的部分如下。
03:35
As humans, our babies
are uniquely dependent.
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身為人類,我們的寶寶
有著和其他動物不同的依賴性。
03:39
Unlike other animals,
our babies can't walk,
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不像其他動物,
我們的寶寶不會走路,
03:42
they can't feed themselves,
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他們無法自己找食物吃,
03:43
they're very hard to take care of.
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他們非常難照顧。
03:45
So evolution has helped us out
with this hormone called oxytocin.
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所以,演化帶給我們的幫助,
就是一種叫做催產素的荷爾蒙。
03:50
It's released around childbirth
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大約在孩子出生時會釋放出來,
03:53
and also during skin-to-skin touch,
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在肌膚接觸的時候也會,
03:55
so it rises even if you didn't
give birth to the baby.
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所以即使你沒有生孩子,
催產素也會升高。
03:59
Oxytocin helps a human mother's brain
zoom in, pulling her attention in,
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催產素能協助人類母親的
大腦聚焦,拉住她的注意力,
04:05
so that the baby is now
at the center of her world.
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於是,寶寶就成了她世界的中心。
04:08
But at the same time,
her mind is pushing away,
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但同時,她的心神也會被推走,
04:13
because she remembers there are
all these other parts to her identity --
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因為她還記得她還有
自己身份的其他各部分——
04:19
other relationships,
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她與其他人的關係、
04:21
her work,
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她的工作、
04:22
hobbies,
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她的興趣、
04:24
a spiritual and intellectual life,
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靈性上和知性上的生活,
04:26
not to mention physical needs:
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更不用說還有身體需求:
04:28
to sleep, to eat, to exercise,
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要睡眠、要吃、要運動、
04:32
to have sex,
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要做愛、
04:33
to go to the bathroom,
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要上洗手間,
04:35
alone --
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一個人去——
04:36
(Laughter)
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(笑聲)
04:37
if possible.
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如果能的話。
04:39
This is the emotional
tug-of-war of matrescence.
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這是母親期的情緒拔河。
04:44
This is the tension
the women calling me were feeling.
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打電話給我的那名女子
感受到的就是這種緊張感。
04:47
It's why they thought they were sick.
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這就是她們以為自己生病的原因。
04:51
If women understood the natural
progression of matrescence,
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如果女性能了解到
母親期的自然發展,
04:55
if they knew that most people found it
hard to live inside this push and pull,
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如果她們能知道,大部分人
都覺得在這種推拉中生活很辛苦,
05:01
if they knew that under
these circumstances,
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如果她們知道在這些情況下,
05:04
ambivalence was normal
and nothing to be ashamed of,
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感到矛盾是很正常的,
不用為此感到羞恥,
05:09
they would feel less alone,
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她們就不會覺得這麼孤獨,
05:11
they would feel less stigmatized,
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她們就不會感到這麼羞恥,
05:13
and I think it would even reduce
rates of postpartum depression.
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我認為這樣甚至還可以
減少產後憂鬱症的發生。
05:18
I'd love to study that one day.
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希望將來我也能研究這題材。
05:21
I'm a believer in talk therapy,
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我是相信「談話治療」的人,
05:23
so if we're going to change the way
our culture understands
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所以,如果我們打算
要改變我們的文化
05:26
this transition to motherhood,
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對於進入母親期的了解,
05:27
women need to be talking to each other,
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女性同胞得要和彼此談談,
05:30
not just me.
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不只是和我談。
05:32
So mothers, talk about your matrescence
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所以,母親們,
去談談你們的母親期,
05:35
with other mothers, with your friends,
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跟其他母親談,跟你的朋友談,
05:38
and, if you have one, with your partner,
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如果你有伴侶的話,也跟伴侶談,
05:40
so that they can understand
their own transition
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讓他們了解他們自己的轉變,
05:43
and better support you.
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給你更好的支持。
05:45
But it's not just about
protecting your relationship.
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但重點不只是要保護你的關係。
05:49
When you preserve
a separate part of your identity,
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當你保留了你自己身分的
一部分,分開的一部分,
05:53
you're also leaving room
for your child to develop their own.
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你其實也是留下空間
給你的孩子發展自己的身分。
05:58
When a baby is born, so is a mother,
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當一個寶寶誕生時,
一個媽媽也誕生了,
06:02
each unsteady in their own way.
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兩者都還站不穩,
只是站不穩的方式不同。
06:05
Matrescence is profound,
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母親期很深奧,
06:07
but it's also hard,
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但它也很艱難,
06:09
and that's what makes it human.
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那就是身為人類的差別。
06:12
Thank you.
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謝謝。
06:13
(Applause)
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(掌聲)
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