A new way to think about the transition to motherhood | Alexandra Sacks

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

Do you remember a time when you felt hormonal and moody?

你是否記得自己有過荷爾蒙作用 且喜怒無常的時候？

Your skin was breaking out,

你的皮膚突然起疹子，

your body was growing in strange places and very fast,

你的身體成長的部位 很奇怪，且成長快速，

and at the same time,

同時，

people were expecting you to be grown-up in this new way.

大家都期待你以這種 新方式成為一個成人。

Teenagers, right?

青少年，是吧？

Well, these same changes happen to a woman when she's having a baby.

生孩子的女性， 也同樣會遇到這樣的狀況。

And we know that it's normal for teenagers to feel all over the place,

我們知道，青少年 覺得紊亂是很正常的，

so why don't we talk about pregnancy in the same way?

所以，為什麼我們不能 用同樣的方式來談懷孕？

There are entire textbooks written about the developmental arc of adolescence,

有整本談青春期發展曲線的教科書，

and we don't even have a word to describe the transition to motherhood.

而我們甚至沒有一個詞 可以用來描述成為人母的轉變。

We need one.

我們需要一個詞。

I'm a psychiatrist who works with pregnant and postpartum women,

我是精神病學家，處理的對象 是懷孕和產後的女性，

a reproductive psychiatrist,

我算是生殖精神病學家，

and in the decade that I've been working in this field,

我在這個領域做了十年，

這段時間我注意到一種模式。

I've noticed a pattern.

It goes something like this:

它大致上是這樣的：

a woman calls me up,

一名女子打電話給我，

she's just had a baby,

她剛生完孩子，

and she's concerned.

她很憂心。

She says, "I'm not good at this. I'm not enjoying this.

她說：「這不是我擅長的。 我一點也不樂在其中。

Do I have postpartum depression?"

我是否得了產後憂鬱症？」

So I go through the symptoms of that diagnosis,

所以我研究了那次診斷的症狀，

and it's clear to me that she's not clinically depressed,

我很清楚知道， 在臨床上她並沒有憂鬱症，

and I tell her that.

我也是這樣告訴她的。

But she isn't reassured.

但她沒有感到放心。

"It isn't supposed to feel like this," she insists.

她堅持：「正常的感覺 不該是這樣的。」

So I say, "OK. What did you expect it to feel like?"

於是我說：「好， 你預期應該有怎樣的感覺？」

She says, "I thought motherhood would make feel whole and happy.

她說：「我以為身為人母 能讓我覺得完整並快樂。

I thought my instincts would naturally tell me what to do.

我以為我的本能會 很自然地告訴我該做什麼。

I thought I'd always want to put the baby first."

我以為我會永遠 想要把寶寶放在第一。」

This -- this is an unrealistic expectation

對於成為人母的轉變，

of what the transition to motherhood feels like.

這是很不實際的期望。

And it wasn't just her.

她不是唯一一個。

I was getting calls with questions like this from hundreds of women,

我接過數百名女性打來的電話， 都是問類似這樣的問題，

all concerned that something was wrong,

她們都覺得有什麼地方不對勁，

because they couldn't measure up.

因為她們的期望沒有發生。

And I didn't know how to help them,

我不知道要如何協助她們，

because telling them that they weren't sick

因為告訴她們說她們沒有生病

wasn't making them feel better.

並不會讓她們感覺好些。

I wanted to find a way to normalize this transition,

我想要找一種方式， 來將這種轉變給標準化，

to explain that discomfort is not always the same thing as disease.

來解釋不舒服的感覺 並不總是等同於疾病。

So I set out to learn more about the psychology of motherhood.

所以我開始學習更多 關於母親的心理學。

But there actually wasn't much in the medical textbooks,

但在醫學教科書中， 其實沒有多少資訊，

because doctors mostly write about disease.

因為醫生通常寫的題材都是疾病。

So I turned to anthropology.

於是我轉向人類學。

And it took me two years, but in an out-of-print essay

我花了兩年的時間，在達納拉斐爾

written in 1973 by Dana Raphael,

於 1973 年所寫的 一篇已絕版短文中，

I finally found a helpful way to frame this conversation:

我終於找到了一種 有幫助的方式，來建構這談話：

matrescence.

母親期（成為母親的過程）。

It's not a coincidence that "matrescence" sounds like "adolescence."

「母親期」聽起來像 「青春期」並不是巧合。

Both are times when body morphing and hormone shifting

這兩段時期都是身體蛻變 和荷爾蒙轉變的時期，

lead to an upheaval in how a person feels emotionally

造成在情緒感受上的混亂，

and how they fit into the world.

且不知道要如何融入世界。

And like adolescence, matrescence is not a disease,

如同青春期，母親期也不是疾病，

but since it's not in the medical vocabulary,

但因為它不在醫學詞彙中，

since doctors aren't educating people about it,

醫生也沒有去教育大家認識母親期，

it's being confused with a more serious condition

所以大家會把母親期會和更嚴重的

called postpartum depression.

產後憂鬱症搞混。

I've been building on the anthropology literature

我一直以人類學文獻為論據基礎，

and have been talking about matrescence with my patients

我不斷用一種叫做 「推拉」的概念，

using a concept called the "push and pull."

來和我的病人談母親期。

Here's the pull part.

拉的部分如下。

As humans, our babies are uniquely dependent.

身為人類，我們的寶寶 有著和其他動物不同的依賴性。

Unlike other animals, our babies can't walk,

不像其他動物， 我們的寶寶不會走路，

they can't feed themselves,

他們無法自己找食物吃，

they're very hard to take care of.

他們非常難照顧。

So evolution has helped us out with this hormone called oxytocin.

所以，演化帶給我們的幫助， 就是一種叫做催產素的荷爾蒙。

It's released around childbirth

大約在孩子出生時會釋放出來，

and also during skin-to-skin touch,

在肌膚接觸的時候也會，

so it rises even if you didn't give birth to the baby.

所以即使你沒有生孩子， 催產素也會升高。

Oxytocin helps a human mother's brain zoom in, pulling her attention in,

催產素能協助人類母親的 大腦聚焦，拉住她的注意力，

so that the baby is now at the center of her world.

於是，寶寶就成了她世界的中心。

But at the same time, her mind is pushing away,

但同時，她的心神也會被推走，

because she remembers there are all these other parts to her identity --

因為她還記得她還有 自己身份的其他各部分——

other relationships,

她與其他人的關係、

her work,

她的工作、

hobbies,

她的興趣、

a spiritual and intellectual life,

靈性上和知性上的生活，

not to mention physical needs:

更不用說還有身體需求：

to sleep, to eat, to exercise,

要睡眠、要吃、要運動、

to have sex,

要做愛、

to go to the bathroom,

要上洗手間，

alone --

一個人去——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

if possible.

如果能的話。

This is the emotional tug-of-war of matrescence.

這是母親期的情緒拔河。

This is the tension the women calling me were feeling.

打電話給我的那名女子 感受到的就是這種緊張感。

It's why they thought they were sick.

這就是她們以為自己生病的原因。

If women understood the natural progression of matrescence,

如果女性能了解到 母親期的自然發展，

if they knew that most people found it hard to live inside this push and pull,

如果她們能知道，大部分人 都覺得在這種推拉中生活很辛苦，

if they knew that under these circumstances,

如果她們知道在這些情況下，

ambivalence was normal and nothing to be ashamed of,

感到矛盾是很正常的， 不用為此感到羞恥，

they would feel less alone,

她們就不會覺得這麼孤獨，

they would feel less stigmatized,

她們就不會感到這麼羞恥，

and I think it would even reduce rates of postpartum depression.

我認為這樣甚至還可以 減少產後憂鬱症的發生。

I'd love to study that one day.

希望將來我也能研究這題材。

I'm a believer in talk therapy,

我是相信「談話治療」的人，

so if we're going to change the way our culture understands

所以，如果我們打算 要改變我們的文化

this transition to motherhood,

對於進入母親期的了解，

women need to be talking to each other,

女性同胞得要和彼此談談，

not just me.

不只是和我談。

So mothers, talk about your matrescence

所以，母親們， 去談談你們的母親期，

with other mothers, with your friends,

跟其他母親談，跟你的朋友談，

and, if you have one, with your partner,

如果你有伴侶的話，也跟伴侶談，

so that they can understand their own transition

讓他們了解他們自己的轉變，

and better support you.

給你更好的支持。

But it's not just about protecting your relationship.

但重點不只是要保護你的關係。

When you preserve a separate part of your identity,

當你保留了你自己身分的 一部分，分開的一部分，

you're also leaving room for your child to develop their own.

你其實也是留下空間 給你的孩子發展自己的身分。

When a baby is born, so is a mother,

當一個寶寶誕生時， 一個媽媽也誕生了，

each unsteady in their own way.

兩者都還站不穩， 只是站不穩的方式不同。

Matrescence is profound,

母親期很深奧，

but it's also hard,

但它也很艱難，

and that's what makes it human.

那就是身為人類的差別。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）