How working couples can best support each other | The Way We Work, a TED series

Transcriber: TED Translators Admin Reviewer: Camille Martínez

It may sound strange to bring up work,

Prevodilac: Zoran Brajovic Lektor: Ivana Korom

Možda zvuči čudno pominjati posao,

but when we fall in love,

ali kad se zaljubljujemo,

we often consider what that love will do to our life,

često razmatramo kako će ta ljubav uticati na naš zivot,

and our work and careers are a big part of that.

a naš posao i karijere su veliki deo toga.

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[Način na koji radimo]

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All working couples face hard choices,

Svi parovi koji rade suočavaju se sa teskim odlukama,

and these can feel like a zero-sum game.

i to može biti kao igra sa nultim zbirom.

One partner gets offered a job in another city,

Jednom partneru se ponudio posao u drugom gradu,

so the other needs to leave their job and start over.

pa drugi treba da napusti svoj posao i počne opet.

One partner takes on more childcare and puts their career on hold

Jedan partner preuzima više brige o deci i stavlja svoju karijeru na čekanje

so the other can pursue an exciting promotion.

tako da bi drugi mogao da juri uzbudljiva unapređenja.

One gains and one loses.

Jedan dobija, a jedan gubi.

And while some couples who make these choices are satisfied,

Dok su neki parovi koji donose ove odluke zadovoljni,

others regret them bitterly.

drugi se zbog njih gorko kaju.

What makes the difference?

Šta pravi razliku?

I've spent the last seven years studying working couples,

Poslednjih sedam godina proučavam parove koji rade,

and I've found that it's not what couples choose,

i saznala sam da se ne radi o tome šta parovi biraju,

it's how they choose.

nego kako biraju.

Of course, we can't control our circumstances,

Naravno, ne možemo kontrolisati naše okolnosti,

nor do we have limitless choices.

niti imamo bezgranične izbore.

But for those we do,

Ali za one koje imamo,

how can couples choose well?

kako parovi mogu da izaberu dobro?

First: start early, long before you have something to decide.

Prvo: počnite rano, mnogo pre nego što morate da odlučite nešto.

The moment you're faced with a hard choice,

U trenutku kada ste suočeni sa teškim izborom,

say, whether one of you should go back to school

recimo, da jedno od vas treba da se vrati u školu

or take a risky job offer,

ili prihvati rizičnu poslovnu ponudu,

it's too late.

Choosing well begins with understanding each other's aspirations early on --

prekasno je.

Izabrati dobro počinje razumevanjem međusobnih težnji na vreme -

aspirations like wanting to start a small business,

težnji kao želji da započnete mali posao,

live close to extended family,

živite u blizini šire porodice,

save enough money to buy a house of our own

uštedite dovoljno novca da kupite svoju kuću

or have another child.

ili dobijete još jedno dete.

Many of us measure our lives by comparing what we're doing

Mnogi od nas mere svoj život upoređivanjem onoga što radimo

with our aspirations.

sa našim težnjama.

When the gap is small,

Kad je jaz mali,

we feel content.

osećamo se zadovoljno.

When it's large,

Kada je veliki,

we feel unhappy.

osećamo se nesrećno.

And if we're part of a couple,

A ako smo deo para,

we place at least some of that blame with our partner.

svaljujemo barem deo krivice na našeg partnera.

Set aside time at least twice a year

Odvojite vreme najmanje dva puta godišnje

to discuss your aspirations.

da razgovarate o vašim težnjama.

I'm a big fan of keeping a written record of these conversations.

Veliki sam fan vođenja pisane evidencije ovih razgovora.

Putting pen to paper with our partners

Zapisivanje sa našim partnerima

helps us remember each other's aspirations

pomaže nam da se setimo međusobnih težnji

and that we're writing the story of our lives together.

i da pišemo priču naših života zajedno.

Next: eliminate options

Sledeće: eliminišite opcije

that don't support the life you want to live together.

koje ne podržavaju život koji želite da živite zajedno.

You can do this agreeing on boundaries that make hard choices easier.

Možete učiniti ovo određivanjem granica koje vam olakšavaju donošenje odluke.

Boundaries like geography: Where would you like to live and work?

Granice kao geografija: gde biste voleli da živite i radite?

Time: How many working hours a week will make family life possible?

Vreme: koliko radnih sati nedeljno će učiniti porodični život mogućim?

Travel: How much work travel can you really stand?

Putovanje: koliko poslovnih putovanja možete podneti?

Once you've agreed to your boundaries, the choice becomes easy

Jednom kada odredite svoje granice, odluka postaje laka

when faced with an opportunity that falls outside of them.

kada se suočite sa prilikom koja pada van njih.

"I'm not going to interview for that job,

"Neću ići na intervju za taj posao,

because we've agreed we don't want to move across country."

zato što smo se dogovorili da ne želimo da se selimo."

Or, "I'm going to cut back on my overtime

Ili, "Smanjiću prekovremeni rad

because we've agreed it's essential we spend more time together as a family."

zato što smo se dogovorili da je bitno da provodimo vreme zajedno kao porodica."

Couples who understand each other's aspirations

Parovi koji razumeju međusobne težnje

and commit to strong boundaries

i posvete se jakim granicama

can let go of seemingly attractive opportunities without regret.

mogu odustati od naizgled atraktivnih prilika bez kajanja.

If you're faced with an opportunity that falls within your boundaries,

Ako ste suočeni sa prilikom koja ne spada unutar vaših granica,

then what matters is that the choices you make

onda je važno da odluka koju donesete

keep your couple in balance over time,

balansira vremenom vašu vezu,

even if they don't perfectly align with both partners' aspirations

čak i ako se ne poklapa sa težnjama oba partnera

at the same time.

u isto vreme.

If your choices are mainly driven by one partner

Ako vaše odluke uglavnom donosi jedan partner

or support one partner's aspirations more than the other,

ili podržavaju težnje jednog partnera više od drugog,

an imbalance of power will develop.

doći će do neravnoteže.

That imbalance, I've found,

Našla sam da je ta neravnoteža

is the reason most working couples who fail do so.

razlog zašto većina radnih parova ne uspe.

Eventually, one gets fed up with being a prop

Na kraju, jedan se zasiti time što je rekvizit,

rather than a partner.

a ne partner.

To avoid this,

Da biste izbegli ovo,

track your decisions over time.

pratite svoje odluke vremenom.

Unlike your aspirations and boundaries,

Za razliku od vaših težnji i granica,

there's no need to keep a detailed record of every decision you make.

nema potrebe da vodite detaljnu evidenciju svake odluke koju ste doneli.

Just keep an open conversation going about how able each of you feel

Samo vodite otvoren razgovor o tome kako se oboje osećate

to shape decisions that affect you both.

da oblikujete odluke koje utiču na vas oboje.

How will you know you've chosen well?

Kako ćete znati da ste izabrali dobro?

One common misunderstanding

Jedan uobičajeni nesporazum

is that you can only know what choice is right in hindsight.

je da možete samo znati koji izbor je pravi u retrospektivi.

And maybe it's true we judge life backwards,

I možda je istina da sudimo o životu unazad,

but we must live it forwards.

ali moramo ga živeti unapred.

I've found that couples who look back on a choice as a good one

Saznala sam da parovi koji gledaju na odluke unazad kao dobre,

did so not just because of the outcome eventually;

čine to ne samo zbog ishoda na kraju;

they did it because that choice empowered them individually and as a couple

čine to jer ih je taj izbor učinio jačim individualno i kao par

as they made it.

dok su odlučivali.

It wasn't what they chose,

Nije ono što su odabrali,

it was that they were choosing deliberately,

nego to da su birali namerno,

and that made them feel closer and freer together.

i to je učinilo da se osećaju bliže i slobodnije zajedno.