How working couples can best support each other | The Way We Work, a TED series

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2020-11-28 ・ TED


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How working couples can best support each other | The Way We Work, a TED series

88,816 views ・ 2020-11-28

TED


μ•„λž˜ μ˜λ¬Έμžλ§‰μ„ λ”λΈ”ν΄λ¦­ν•˜μ‹œλ©΄ μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.

00:00
Transcriber: TED Translators Admin Reviewer: Camille MartΓ­nez
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It may sound strange to bring up work,
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λ²ˆμ—­: Jeongyeon Kim κ²€ν† : Eunice Yunjung Nam
직μž₯ μ–˜κΈ°λ₯Ό κΊΌλ‚΄λŠ” 게 이상할 수 μžˆμ§€λ§Œ
00:02
but when we fall in love,
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μš°λ¦¬κ°€ μ‚¬λž‘μ— 빠지면
00:03
we often consider what that love will do to our life,
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” κ·Έ μ‚¬λž‘μ΄ 우리의 μ‚Άκ³Ό 일에 무슨 영ν–₯을 쀄지 μƒκ°ν•˜κ³ ,
00:07
and our work and careers are a big part of that.
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직μž₯은 κ·Έ 쀑 큰 λΉ„μœ¨μ„ μ°¨μ§€ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:11
[The Way We Work]
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[μš°λ¦¬κ°€ μΌν•˜λŠ” 방식]
00:12
[Made possible with the support of Dropbox]
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[λ“œλ‘­λ°•μŠ€ 지원 μ œμž‘]
00:14
All working couples face hard choices,
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λͺ¨λ“  맞벌이 μ»€ν”Œμ€ μ–΄λ €μš΄ 선택을 λ§ˆμ£Όν•˜κ²Œ λ˜λŠ”λ°
00:17
and these can feel like a zero-sum game.
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이것은 μ œλ‘œμ„¬ κ²Œμž„κ°™μ΄ λŠκ»΄μ§‘λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:20
One partner gets offered a job in another city,
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ν•œ λͺ…은 λ‹€λ₯Έ λ„μ‹œμ— 일자리λ₯Ό 제의 λ°›κ³ ,
00:22
so the other needs to leave their job and start over.
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λ‹€λ₯Έ ν•œ λͺ…은 일자리λ₯Ό λ– λ‚˜ μƒˆλ‘œ μ‹œμž‘ν•΄μ•Ό ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:25
One partner takes on more childcare and puts their career on hold
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ν•œ λͺ…은 μœ‘μ•„μ— 더 μ‹ κ²½μ“°κ³  일을 κ·Έ ν›„μˆœμœ„μ— λ‘¬μ„œ
00:29
so the other can pursue an exciting promotion.
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λ‹€λ₯Έ ν•œ λͺ…이 더 μ‹ λ‚˜κ²Œ μŠΉμ§„ν•  수 μžˆλ„λ‘ ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:32
One gains and one loses.
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ν•œ λͺ…은 μ–»κ³  λ‹€λ₯Έ ν•œ λͺ…은 μžƒμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:34
And while some couples who make these choices are satisfied,
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이런 선택을 ν•˜λŠ” λͺ‡λͺ‡ μ»€ν”Œλ“€μ€ λ§Œμ‘±ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ,
00:38
others regret them bitterly.
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λ‹€λ₯Έ μ»€ν”Œλ“€μ€ 많이 ν›„νšŒν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:40
What makes the difference?
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차이가 λ¬΄μ—‡μΌκΉŒμš”?
00:42
I've spent the last seven years studying working couples,
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μ €λŠ” μ§€λ‚œ 7λ…„λ™μ•ˆ 맞벌이 μ»€ν”Œλ“€μ— λŒ€ν•œ 연ꡬλ₯Ό ν†΅ν•΄μ„œ
00:45
and I've found that it's not what couples choose,
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μ•Œκ²Œ 된 것은 μ»€ν”Œλ“€μ΄ 무엇을 μ„ νƒν•˜λŠ”μ§€κ°€ μ•„λ‹Œ
00:48
it's how they choose.
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μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ μ„ νƒν•˜λŠ” 지가 μ€‘μš”ν•˜λ‹€λŠ” κ²λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:50
Of course, we can't control our circumstances,
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λ¬Όλ‘ , μš°λ¦¬λŠ” 우리의 상황을 ν†΅μ œν•  수 μ—†κ³ 
00:53
nor do we have limitless choices.
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선택지가 λ¬΄ν•œν•˜μ§€λ„ μ•ŠμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:55
But for those we do,
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ ν†΅μ œμ™€ 선택이 κ°€λŠ₯ν•˜λ‹€λ©΄
00:56
how can couples choose well?
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μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ 연인듀이 선택을 잘 ν•  수 μžˆμ„κΉŒμš”?
00:59
First: start early, long before you have something to decide.
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첫째, κ²°μ •ν•΄μ•Όν•  일이 생기기 훨씬 전에 빨리 μ‹œμž‘ν•˜λŠ” κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:03
The moment you're faced with a hard choice,
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ΄ μ–΄λ €μš΄ 선택을 λ§ˆμ£Όν–ˆμ„ λ•Œ,
01:05
say, whether one of you should go back to school
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예λ₯Ό λ“€μ–΄, ν•œμͺ½μ΄ 학업을 λ‹€μ‹œ μ‹œμž‘ν•˜κ±°λ‚˜,
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or take a risky job offer,
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νž˜λ“  일자리λ₯Ό 제의 λ°›μœΌλ©΄
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it's too late.
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λ•ŒλŠ” 이미 λŠ¦μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:10
Choosing well begins with understanding each other's aspirations early on --
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잘 μ„ νƒν•˜λŠ” 것은 빨리 μ„œλ‘œμ˜ 열망을 μ΄ν•΄ν•˜λŠ” κ²ƒμ—μ„œ μ‹œμž‘ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:15
aspirations like wanting to start a small business,
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열망은 μž‘μ€ 사업을 ν•˜λŠ” 것,
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live close to extended family,
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λŒ€κ°€μ‘± κ·Όμ²˜μ— μ‚¬λŠ” 것,
01:20
save enough money to buy a house of our own
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μžνƒμ„ κ΅¬μž…ν•  만큼의 λˆμ„ μ €μΆ•ν•˜κ±°λ‚˜
아이λ₯Ό 더 κ°–λŠ” 것을 ν¬ν•¨ν•˜μ£ .
01:23
or have another child.
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01:24
Many of us measure our lives by comparing what we're doing
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λ§Žμ€ μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ€ 열망과 ν˜„μž¬ μš°λ¦¬κ°€ ν•˜λŠ” 일듀을 λΉ„κ΅ν•˜λ©°
01:28
with our aspirations.
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삢을 μΈ‘μ •ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
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When the gap is small,
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차이가 적으면,
01:31
we feel content.
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λ§Œμ‘±κ°μ„ λŠλ‚λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:33
When it's large,
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차이가 크면,
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we feel unhappy.
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λΆˆν–‰ν•¨μ„ λŠλ‚λ‹ˆλ‹€.
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And if we're part of a couple,
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그리고 μš°λ¦¬κ°€ μ»€ν”Œμ΄λ©΄,
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we place at least some of that blame with our partner.
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” κ·Έ 뢈만의 일뢀뢄을 μ—°μΈμ—κ²Œ κ°–μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:40
Set aside time at least twice a year
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일 년에 μ΅œμ†Œ 두 λ²ˆμ€
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to discuss your aspirations.
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 열망을 μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν•˜λŠ” μ‹œκ°„μ„ κ°€μ§€μ„Έμš”.
01:45
I'm a big fan of keeping a written record of these conversations.
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μ €λŠ” 이런 λŒ€ν™”λ₯Ό ν•˜λ©΄μ„œ ν•„κΈ°λ₯Ό ν•˜λŠ” 것을 맀우 μ’‹μ•„ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:48
Putting pen to paper with our partners
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연인과 쒅이에 κΈ€λ‘œ μ“°λŠ” 것은
01:51
helps us remember each other's aspirations
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μ„œλ‘œμ˜ 열망을 κΈ°μ–΅ν•˜κ³ 
01:53
and that we're writing the story of our lives together.
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ν•¨κ»˜ μ‚¬λŠ” 삢을 λ§Œλ“€μ–΄κ°€λŠ” 데 도움을 μ€λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:56
Next: eliminate options
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λ‹€μŒμ€ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ΄ ν•¨κ»˜ μ‚΄κ³  싢은 μ‚Άμ˜ λͺ¨μŠ΅μ—
01:58
that don't support the life you want to live together.
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λΆ€ν•©ν•˜μ§€ μ•ŠλŠ” 선택지λ₯Ό μ œκ±°ν•˜λŠ” κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:01
You can do this agreeing on boundaries that make hard choices easier.
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μ–΄λ €μš΄ 선택지λ₯Ό μ‰½κ²Œ λ§Œλ“œλŠ” 경계선상에 λŒ€ν•΄ λ™μ˜λ₯Ό ν•˜λ©΄ λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:06
Boundaries like geography: Where would you like to live and work?
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지리적 μœ„μΉ˜μ™€ 같은 경계선말이죠.
μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ€ μ–΄λ””μ—μ„œ μ‚΄κ³  μΌν•˜κ³  μ‹Άλ‚˜μš”?
02:10
Time: How many working hours a week will make family life possible?
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μ‹œκ°„. 일주일에 λͺ‡ μ‹œκ°„μ΄ κ°€μ‘±μ˜ 삢을 μ‚¬λŠ” 것을 κ°€λŠ₯ν•˜κ²Œ ν• κΉŒμš”?
02:14
Travel: How much work travel can you really stand?
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μ—¬ν–‰. μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ€ μ–Όλ§ŒνΌμ˜ 좜μž₯을 버틸 수 μžˆλ‚˜μš”?
02:18
Once you've agreed to your boundaries, the choice becomes easy
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ΄ 경계λ₯Ό μΈμ •ν•˜λ©΄, 선택지 λ°–μ˜ 것을 λ§ˆμ£Όν–ˆμ„ λ•Œ
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when faced with an opportunity that falls outside of them.
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선택이 μ‰¬μ›Œμ§‘λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:24
"I'm not going to interview for that job,
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"λ‚˜λŠ” κ·Έ μ·¨μ—… 면접은 보지 μ•Šμ„κ±°μ•Ό.
02:26
because we've agreed we don't want to move across country."
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μš°λ¦¬κ°€ λ‹€λ₯Έ λ‚˜λΌλ‘œ 이사가지 μ•ŠκΈ°λ‘œ κ²°μ •ν–ˆμœΌλ‹ˆκΉŒ."
02:29
Or, "I'm going to cut back on my overtime
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ν˜Ήμ€ "야근을 μ’€ 쀄여야겠어.
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because we've agreed it's essential we spend more time together as a family."
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μš°λ¦¬κ°€ κ°€μ‘±κ³Ό μ‹œκ°„μ„ 더 많이 λ³΄λ‚΄λŠ” 게 μ€‘μš”ν•˜λ‹€κ³  λ™μ˜ν–ˆμœΌλ‹ˆκΉŒ."
02:35
Couples who understand each other's aspirations
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μ„œλ‘œμ˜ 열망을 μ΄ν•΄ν•˜κ³ 
02:38
and commit to strong boundaries
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κ°•ν•œ 경계λ₯Ό μΈμ •ν•˜λŠ” 연인듀은
02:41
can let go of seemingly attractive opportunities without regret.
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맀λ ₯적으둜 λ³΄μ΄λŠ” κΈ°νšŒλ“€μ„ ν›„νšŒμ—†μ΄ 포기할 수 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:45
If you're faced with an opportunity that falls within your boundaries,
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ΄ μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 경계 μ•ˆμ— μžˆλŠ” 기회λ₯Ό λ§ˆμ£Όν•œλ‹€λ©΄,
02:49
then what matters is that the choices you make
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μ€‘μš”ν•œ 것은 μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ΄ ν•˜λŠ” 선택이
02:51
keep your couple in balance over time,
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λ™μ‹œμ— μƒλŒ€μ˜ 열망과 μ™„λ²½νžˆ λ§žμ§€λŠ” μ•Šλ”λΌλ„
02:54
even if they don't perfectly align with both partners' aspirations
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μ‹œκ°„μ΄ μ§€λ‚˜λ©΄μ„œ κ· ν˜•μ„ 지킬 수 μžˆλ„λ‘ ν•΄μ•Ό ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:58
at the same time.
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02:59
If your choices are mainly driven by one partner
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 선택이 μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 애인에 μ˜ν•΄μ„œ ν–‰ν•΄μ§€κ±°λ‚˜
03:02
or support one partner's aspirations more than the other,
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„λ³΄λ‹€ μ• μΈμ˜ 열망을 μ§€μ§€ν•˜λŠ” 것이라면,
03:06
an imbalance of power will develop.
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힘의 λΆˆκ· ν˜•μ΄ 생길 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:09
That imbalance, I've found,
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μ €λŠ” κ·Έ λΆˆκ· ν˜•μ΄
03:11
is the reason most working couples who fail do so.
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λŒ€λΆ€λΆ„μ˜ 맞벌이 연인듀이 μ‹€νŒ¨ν•˜λŠ” κ³„κΈ°λΌλŠ” 것을 λ°œκ²¬ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:15
Eventually, one gets fed up with being a prop
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κ²°κ΅­, ν•œ λͺ…이 μƒλŒ€λ°©λ³΄λ‹€ 더 λ²„νŒ€λͺ©μ΄ λ˜λŠ” 것에 μ§€μΉ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:17
rather than a partner.
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03:19
To avoid this,
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이것을 ν”Όν•˜λ €λ©΄,
03:20
track your decisions over time.
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 결정을 μ‹œκ°„μ΄ 지남에 따라 κΈ°λ‘ν•˜μ„Έμš”.
03:23
Unlike your aspirations and boundaries,
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 열망과 경계와 λ‹€λ₯΄κ²Œ,
03:25
there's no need to keep a detailed record of every decision you make.
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ΄ ν•˜λŠ” λͺ¨λ“  결정에 λŒ€ν•΄ μžμ„Έν•œ 기둝을 남길 ν•„μš”λŠ” μ—†μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:29
Just keep an open conversation going about how able each of you feel
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κ·Έμ € 두 μ‚¬λžŒμ—κ²Œ 영ν–₯을 μ£ΌλŠ” 결정에 μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ΄ μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ λŠλΌλŠ”μ§€μ— λŒ€ν•œ
03:33
to shape decisions that affect you both.
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μ—΄λ¦° λŒ€ν™”κ°€ μ§€μ†λ˜κ²Œ ν•˜μ„Έμš”.
03:36
How will you know you've chosen well?
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ΄ 잘 μ„ νƒν–ˆλ‹€λŠ” 것을 μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ μ•ŒκΉŒμš”?
03:39
One common misunderstanding
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ν•œ 가지 ν”ν•œ μ˜€ν•΄κ°€
03:40
is that you can only know what choice is right in hindsight.
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 선택이 μ˜³μ•˜λŠ”μ§€λŠ” λ‚˜μ€‘μ—μ„œμ•Ό μ•Œ 수 μžˆλ‹€λŠ” κ²λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:43
And maybe it's true we judge life backwards,
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μš°λ¦¬κ°€ 삢을 λ˜λŒμ•„λ³΄λ©° ν‰κ°€ν•˜λŠ” 건 μ•„λ§ˆ 사싀일지라도
03:46
but we must live it forwards.
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” μ•žμ„ 보며 μ‚΄μ•„μ•Ό ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:48
I've found that couples who look back on a choice as a good one
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μ €λŠ” μ•Œκ²Œ 된 것은 선택을 쒋은 μ„ νƒμœΌλ‘œ μ—¬κΈ°λ©°
03:51
did so not just because of the outcome eventually;
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λ˜λŒμ•„ λ³Έ 연인듀은 κ²°κ΅­ 결과뿐만 μ•„λ‹ˆλΌ
03:54
they did it because that choice empowered them individually and as a couple
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그듀이 ν•œ 선택이 κ°œμΈμ—κ²Œλ„ 연인 관계에도
νž˜μ„ μ‹€μ–΄ μ£Όμ—ˆκΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμ— κ·Έλ ‡κ²Œ ν–ˆλ‹€λŠ” μ‚¬μ‹€μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:59
as they made it.
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04:00
It wasn't what they chose,
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μ–΄λ–€ 선택을 ν–ˆλŠλƒκ°€ μ•„λ‹ˆλΌ
04:02
it was that they were choosing deliberately,
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그듀이 μ‹ μ€‘ν•˜κ²Œ 선택을 ν–ˆλ‹€λŠ” 사싀이
04:05
and that made them feel closer and freer together.
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두 μ‚¬λžŒ 사이λ₯Ό 더 λˆλ…ν•˜κ²Œ ν•˜κ³  더 자유둭게 ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
이 μ›Ήμ‚¬μ΄νŠΈ 정보

이 μ‚¬μ΄νŠΈλŠ” μ˜μ–΄ ν•™μŠ΅μ— μœ μš©ν•œ YouTube λ™μ˜μƒμ„ μ†Œκ°œν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ „ 세계 졜고의 μ„ μƒλ‹˜λ“€μ΄ κ°€λ₯΄μΉ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μˆ˜μ—…μ„ 보게 될 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€. 각 λ™μ˜μƒ νŽ˜μ΄μ§€μ— ν‘œμ‹œλ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μžλ§‰μ„ 더블 ν΄λ¦­ν•˜λ©΄ κ·Έκ³³μ—μ„œ λ™μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. λΉ„λ””μ˜€ μž¬μƒμ— 맞좰 μžλ§‰μ΄ μŠ€ν¬λ‘€λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ˜κ²¬μ΄λ‚˜ μš”μ²­μ΄ μžˆλŠ” 경우 이 문의 양식을 μ‚¬μš©ν•˜μ—¬ λ¬Έμ˜ν•˜μ‹­μ‹œμ˜€.

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