Shaka Senghor: Why your worst deeds don't define you | TED

Prevodilac: Stefan Zrnović Lektor: Mile Živković

Twenty-three years ago,

Pre 23 godine,

at the age of 19,

kada sam imao 19 godina,

I shot and killed a man.

upucao sam i ubio čoveka.

I was a young drug dealer

Bio sam mladi diler droge

with a quick temper

sa prgavom naravi

and a semi-automatic pistol.

i poluatuomatskim pištoljem.

But that wasn't the end of my story.

Ali to nije bio kraj moje priče.

In fact, it was beginning,

Zapravo, bio je početak,

and the 23 years since

i 23 godine kasnije

is a story of acknowledgment,

postala je priča o priznanju,

apology and atonement.

izvinjenju i iskupljenju.

But it didn't happen in the way

Ali se nije dogodilo na način

that you might imagine or think.

na koji biste mogli da zamislite.

Te stvari su se dogodile u mom životu

These things occurred in my life

in a way that was surprising,

na način koji je bio iznenađujuć

especially to me.

posebno za mene.

See, like many of you,

Kao mnogi od vas,

growing up, I was an honor roll student,

odrastajući, bio sam cenjen i uzoran učenik,

a scholarship student,

sa stipendijom

with dreams of becoming a doctor.

i snovima da postanem doktor.

But things went dramatically wrong

Ali su stvari dramatično krenule loše

when my parents separated

kada su mi se roditelji rastali

and eventually divorced.

i na kraju razveli.

The actual events are pretty straightforward.

Sami događaji su prilično jednostavni.

At the age of 17,

Sa 17 godina

I got shot three times

upucan sam tri puta

standing on the corner of my block in Detroit.

dok sam stajao na uglu mog bloka u Detroitu.

My friend rushed me to the hospital.

Prijatelj me je odvezao u bolnicu.

Doctors pulled the bullets out,

Doktori su izvukli metke,

patched me up,

zašili me

and sent me back to the same neighborhood where I got shot.

i poslali me nazad u isti kraj gde sam upucan.

Throughout this ordeal,

Kroz ovo teško iskustvo,

no one hugged me,

niko me nije zagrlio,

no one counseled me,

niko me nije posavetovao,

no one told me I would be okay.

niko mi nije rekao da ću biti dobro.

No one told me that I would live in fear,

Niko mi nije rekao da ću živeti u strahu,

that I would become paranoid,

da ću postati paranoičan

or that I would react hyper-violently

ili da ću reagovati hiperagresivno

to being shot.

na to što sam upucan.

No one told me that one day,

Niko mi nije rekao da ću jednog dana

I would become the person behind the trigger.

postati osoba iza obarača.

Fourteen months later,

Četrnaest meseci kasnije

at 2 a.m.,

u 2 ujutru,

I fired the shots

ispucao sam metak

that caused a man's death.

koji je izazvao čovekovu smrt.

When I entered prison,

Kada sam ušao u zatvor,

I was bitter, I was angry, I was hurt.

bio sam ogorčen, besan, povređen.

I didn't want to take responsibility.

Nisam hteo da preuzmem odgovornost.

I blamed everybody from my parents

Krivio sam svakoga, od roditelja

to the system.

do čitavog sistema.

I rationalized my decision to shoot

Racionalizovao sam svoju odluku da pucam

because in the hood where I come from,

jer u kraju odakle potičem

it's better to be the shooter

bolje je da pucate

than the person getting shot.

nego budete upucani.

As I sat in my cold cell,

Dok sam sedeo u hladnoj ćeliji,

I felt helpless,

osećao sam se bespomoćno,

unloved and abandoned.

nevoljeno i napušteno.

I felt like nobody cared,

Osećao sam da nikoga nije briga

and I reacted

i reagovao sam

with hostility to my confinement.

sa negodovanjem prema svom zatočeništvu.

And I found myself getting

Onda sam osetio kako tonem

deeper and deeper into trouble.

sve dublje i dublje u nevolju.

I ran black market stores,

Vodio sam prodavnicu na crnoj berzi,

I loan sharked,

zelenašio sam

i prodavao drogu koja je ilegalno krijumčarena

and I sold drugs that were illegally smuggled

into the prison.

u zatvor.

I had in fact become

Zapravo sam postao

what the warden of the Michigan Reformatory called

ono što bi upravnik popravnog doma u Mičigenu nazvao

"the worst of the worst."

"najgori od najgorih."

And because of my activity,

Zbog moje aktivnosti,

I landed in solitary confinement

bačen sam u samicu

for seven and a half years

na sedam i po godina

out of my incarceration.

od svog zatočeništva.

Now as I see it, solitary confinement

Kada pomislim na to, samica je

is one of the most inhumane and barbaric places

jedno od najnehumanijih i varvarskih mesta

you can find yourself,

u kojima se možete naći,

but find myself I did.

ali ja sam se tamo našao.

One day, I was pacing my cell,

Jednog dana, dok sam bio u ćeliji

when an officer came and delivered mail.

stražar je došao i doneo mi poštu.

I looked at a couple of letters

Pogledao sam nekoliko pisama

before I looked at the letter

pre nego što sam pogledao pismo

that had my son's squiggly handwriting on it.

koje je imalo izobličen rukopis mog sina na sebi.

And anytime I would get a letter from my son,

I kad god bih dobio pismo od sina,

it was like a ray of light

bilo je kao zrak svetla

in the darkest place you can imagine.

u najmračnijem mestu u kom se možete zamisliti.

And on this particular day, I opened this letter,

Tog naročitog dana, otvorio sam pismo,

and in capital letters, he wrote,

i velikim slovima je napisao:

"My mama told me why you was in prison:

"Mama mi je rekla zašto si u zatvoru:

murder."

ubistvo."

He said, "Dad, don't kill.

Rekao je: "Tata, ne ubijaj.

Jesus watches what you do. Pray to Him."

Isus posmatra šta radiš. Moli Mu se."

Now, I wasn't religious at that time,

Nisam bio religiozan u to vreme,

nor am I religious now,

niti sam sad,

but it was something so profound

ali bilo je nešto toliko duboko

about my son's words.

u rečima mog sina.

Učinilo je da ispitam stvari u svom životu

They made me examine things about my life

that I hadn't considered.

koje nisam uzeo u obzir.

It was the first time in my life

To je bio prvi put u mom životu

that I had actually thought about the fact

da sam zapravo pomislio na činjenicu

that my son would see me as a murderer.

da me sin vidi kao ubicu.

I sat back on my bunk

Seo sam nazad na svoj ležaj

and I reflected on something I had read

i razmislio o nečemu što sam pročitao

in [Plato],

kod Platona

where Socrates stated in "Apology"

gde je Sokrat rekao u "Odbrani Sokratovoj"

that the unexamined life isn't worth living.

da neistraženi život nije vredan življenja.

At that point is when the transformation began.

U tom momentu preobražaj je počeo.

But it didn't come easy.

Ali nije došao lako.

One of the things I realized,

Jedna stvar koju sam shvatio,

which was part of the transformation,

koja je bila deo preobražaja,

was that there were four key things.

je da su postojale četiri ključne stvari.

The first thing was,

Prva stvar je da

I had great mentors.

sam imao sjajne mentore.

Now, I know some of you all are probably thinking,

Znam da neki od vas verovatno misle,

how did you find a great mentor in prison?

kako sam našao dobre mentore u zatvoru?

But in my case,

Ali u mom slučaju,

some of my mentors

neki od mojih mentora

who are serving life sentences

koji su služili doživotne kazne su bili

were some of the best people to ever come into my life,

jedni od najboljih ljudi koji su ikada ušli u moj život,

because they forced me to look at my life honestly,

jer su me primorali da se iskreno zagledam u svoj život,

and they forced me to challenge myself

i primorali su me da dam sebi izazov

about my decision making.

o donošenju svojih odluka.

The second thing was literature.

Druga stvar je bila književnost.

Prior to going to prison,

Pre nego što sam otišao u zatvor,

I didn't know that there were so many brilliant

nisam znao da postoji toliko briljantnih

black poets, authors and philosophers,

crnih pesnika, autora i filozofa,

and then I had the great fortune

a imao sam veliku sreću

of encountering Malcolm X's autobiography,

da se upoznam sa autobiografijom Malkoma Iksa,

and it shattered every stereotype I had about myself.

i razbila je svaki stereotip koji sam imao o sebi.

The third thing was family.

Treća stvar bila je porodica.

For 19 years, my father stood by my side

19 godina, moj otac je stajao na mojoj strani

with an unshakable faith,

sa nepotresnom verom

jer je verovao da imam ono što treba

because he believed that I had what it took

to turn my life around.

da se moj život izokrene.

I also met an amazing woman

Takođe sam upoznao izvanrednu ženu

who is now the mother of my two-year-old son Sekou,

koja je sada majka mog dvogodišnjeg sina Sekua

and she taught me how to love myself

i naučila me je kako da volim sebe

in a healthy way.

na zdrav način.

The final thing was writing.

Poslednja stvar bila je pisanje.

When I got that letter from my son,

Kada sam dobio pismo od sina,

I began to write a journal

počeo sa da pišem dnevnik

about things I had experienced in my childhood

o stvarima koje sam iskusio u detinjstvu

and in prison,

i u zatvoru

and what it did is it opened up my mind to the idea

i to je otvorilo moj um

of atonement.

za ideju o ispaštanju.

Earlier in my incarceration, I had received

Ranije tokom mog zatočeništva primio sam

a letter from one of the relatives of my victim,

pismo od jedne od rođaka moje žrtve

and in that letter,

i u tom pismu

she told me she forgave me,

rekla mi je da mi oprašta

because she realized I was a young child

jer je shvatila da sam mlad momak

who had been abused

koji je bio zloupotrebljen

and had been through some hardships

i koji je prošao kroz nevolje

and just made a series of poor decisions.

i napravio niz loših odluka.

It was the first time in my life

To je bio prvi put u mom životu

that I ever felt open to forgiving myself.

da sam se ikada osetio otvoreno da oprostim sebi.

One of the things that happened

Jedna od stvari

after that experience is that

koje su se desile nakon iskustva su

I thought about the other men who were incarcerated

da sam mislio o drugim muškarcima

alongside of me,

koji su zatočeni zajedno sa mnom

and how much I wanted to share this with them.

i koliko sam želeo da to podelim sa njima.

And so I started talking to them about

Stoga sam počeo da razgovaram sa njima

some of their experiences,

o nekim od njihovih iskustava

and I was devastated to realize

i bio sam ophrvan kada sam shvatio

that most of them came from the same abusive environments,

da je većina njih došla iz istih nasilnih okruženja

And most of them wanted help and they wanted to turn it around,

i većina njih je želela pomoć i želeli su da preokrenu to

but unfortunately the system

ali nažalost sistem

that currently holds 2.5 million people in prison

koji trenutno drži 2,5 miliona ljudi u zatvoru

is designed to warehouse

je stvoren da čuva

as opposed to rehabilitate or transform.

umesto da rehabilituje i transformiše.

So I made it up in my mind

Stoga sam odlučio u svojoj glavi

that if I was ever released from prison

da ako ikada budem pušten iz zatvora

that I would do everything in my power

da ću uraditi sve što je u mojoj moći

to help change that.

da pomognem da se to promeni.

In 2010, I walked out of prison

2010. godine izašao sam iz zatvora,

for the first time after two decades.

po prvi put nakon dve decenije.

Now imagine, if you will,

Zamislite sad, ako ćete,

Fred Flintstone walking into an episode

Freda Kremenka kako ulazi u epizodu

of "The Jetsons."

"Džetsonovih".

That was pretty much what my life was like.

Tako nekako je moj život izgledao.

For the first time, I was exposed to the Internet,

Po prvi put sam se izložio internetu,

social media,

društvenim mrežama,

cars that talk like KITT from "Knight Rider."

kolima koji govore poput KITT-a iz serije "Najt Rajder".

But the thing that fascinated me the most

Ali stvar koja me je najviše fascinirala

was phone technology.

bila je mobilna tehnologija.

See, when I went to prison,

Kada sam otišao u zatvor

our car phones were this big

naši telefoni su bili ovoliko veliki

and required two people to carry them.

i trebalo je dvoje ljudi da ih nosi.

So imagine what it was like when I first grabbed

Zamislite kako je bilo kada sam prvi put uzeo

my little Blackberry

moj mali Blekberi

and I started learning how to text.

i počeo da učim kako da šaljem poruke.

But the thing is, the people around me,

Interesantna stvar je da ljudi oko mene

they didn't realize that I had no idea

nisu shvatali da nemam pojma

what all these abbreviated texts meant,

šta sve te skraćenice u porukama znače,

like LOL, OMG, LMAO,

poput LOL, OMG, LMAO,

until one day I was having a conversation

dok jednog dana nisam vodio prepisku

with one of my friends via text,

sa jednim od svojih prijatelja preko poruke

and I asked him to do something, and he responded back, "K."

i pitao ga da uradi nešto a on mi je odgovorio sa "K".

And I was like, "What is K?"

Pitao sam "Šta je K?",

And he was like, "K is okay."

a on je odgovorio: "K je okej."

So in my head, I was like,

Pitao sam se

"Well what the hell is wrong with K?"

"Šta je pobogu sa K?"

And so I text him a question mark.

Odgovorio sam mu sa upitnikom.

And he said, "K = okay."

Rekao je: "K = okej."

And so I tap back, "FU." (Laughter)

Otkucao sam mu: "FU." (Smeh)

And then he texts back, and he asks me

A onda je odgovorio i pitao me je

why was I cussing him out.

zašto ga psujem.

And I said, "LOL FU,"

rekao sam "LOL FU",

as in, I finally understand.

kada sam konačno shvatio.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And so fast forward three years,

Danas, tri godine kasnije

I'm doing relatively good.

prilično se dobro držim.

I have a fellowship at MIT Media Lab,

Vodim udruženje sa Medijskom laboratorijom MIT-ja.

I work for an amazing company called BMe,

radim za fantastičnu kompaniju po imenu BMe,

I teach at the University of Michigan,

predajem na Univerzitetu u Mičigenu,

but it's been a struggle

ali je tu velika borba

because I realize that there are more

jer shvatam da postoji mnogo

men and women coming home

muškaraca i žena koji se vraćaju kuči

who are not going to be afforded those opportunities.

a koji neće moći sebi da priušte te prilike.

I've been blessed to work with some amazing

Bio sam blagosloven da radim

men and women,

sa nekim neverovatnim muškaracima i ženama,

helping others reenter society,

pomažući drugima da ponovo uđu u društvo,

and one of them is my friend named Calvin Evans.

i jedan od njih je moj prijatelj po imenu Kalvin Evans.

He served 24 years for a crime he didn't commit.

Odslužio je 24 godine za zločin koji nije počinio.

He's 45 years old. He's currently enrolled in college.

Ima 45 godina. Trenutno je polaznik koledža.

And one of the things that we talked about

Jedna od stvari o kojima smo govorili

is the three things that I found important

su tri stvari koje smatram važnim

in my personal transformation,

u svom ličnom preobražaju,

the first being acknowledgment.

a prva stvar je priznanje.

I had to acknowledge that I had hurt others.

Morao sam da priznam da sam povredio druge.

I also had to acknowledge that I had been hurt.

Morao sam da priznam i da sam bio povređen.

The second thing was apologizing.

Druga stvar je izvinjenje.

I had to apologize to the people I had hurt.

Morao sam da se izvinim ljudima koje sam povredio.

Even though I had no expectations of them accepting it,

Iako nisam očekivao da će oni to prihvatiti,

it was important to do because it was the right thing.

bilo je važno to uraditi jer je to bilo ispravno.

But I also had to apologize to myself.

Morao sam da se izvinim i sebi.

The third thing was atoning.

Treća stvar je pokajanje.

For me, atoning meant

Za mene, pokajanje je značilo

going back into my community

vraćanje u zajednicu

and working with at-risk youth

i rad sa rizičnom omladinom

who were on the same path,

koji su bili na istom putu,

but also becoming at one with myself.

ali i pomirenje sa sobom.

Through my experience of being locked up,

Kroz svoje iskustvo u zatočeništvu,

one of the things I discovered is this:

jedna od stvari koje sam otkrio je ovo:

the majority of men and women

većina muškaraca i žena

who are incarcerated are redeemable,

koji su zatočeni mogu da se iskupe

and the fact is,

i činjenica je da će se

90 percent of the men and women who are incarcerated

90 posto muškaraca i žena koji su zatočeni

will at some point return to the community,

u jednom trenutku vratiti u zajednicu

and we have a role in determining what kind

i imaćemo ulogu u određivanju koja vrsta

of men and women return to our community.

muškaraca i žena se vraća u našu zajednicu.

My wish today

Moja želja danas je

is that we will embrace

da ćemo prihvatiti

a more empathetic approach

empatičniji pristup

toward how we deal with mass incarceration,

prema tome kako rešavamo grupno zatočeništvo,

that we will do away with

da ćemo se rešiti

the lock-them-up-and-throw-away-the-key mentality,

mentaliteta po principu zaključaj ih i baci ključ,

because it's proven it doesn't work.

jer je dokazano da to ne funkcioniše.

My journey is a unique journey,

Moje putovanje je jedinstveno,

but it doesn't have to be that way.

ali ne mora da bude tako.

Anybody can have a transformation

Svako može da se preobrazi

if we create the space for that to happen.

ako stvorimo prostor da se to desi.

So what I'm asking today

Ono što vas pitam danas

is that you envision

je da zamislite

a world where men and women

svet gde muškarci i žene

aren't held hostage to their pasts,

nisu taoci svoje prošlosti,

where misdeeds and mistakes

gde vas prestupi i greške

don't define you for the rest of your life.

ne određuju do kraja vašeg života.

I think collectively, we can create that reality,

Ja mislim da kolektivno možemo da stvorimo tu stvarnost

i nadam se da vi isto tako smatrate.

and I hope you do too.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)