Shaka Senghor: Why your worst deeds don't define you | TED

Prevoditelj: Maja Covic Recezent: Ivan Stamenković

Twenty-three years ago,

Prije 23 godine,

at the age of 19,

u dobi od 19 godina,

I shot and killed a man.

upucao sam i ubio čovjeka.

I was a young drug dealer

Bio sam mladi diler

with a quick temper

nagle naravi

and a semi-automatic pistol.

i s poluautomatskim pištoljem.

But that wasn't the end of my story.

No, to nije bio kraj moje priče.

In fact, it was beginning,

Zapravo, bio je to tek početak.

and the 23 years since

Naredne 23 godine

is a story of acknowledgment,

priča su o priznanju,

apology and atonement.

isprici i okajanju.

But it didn't happen in the way

No to se nije dogodilo na način

that you might imagine or think.

na koji možda zamišljate ili mislite.

These things occurred in my life

Ove su se stvari dogodile u mom životu

in a way that was surprising,

na način koji je iznenađujuć,

especially to me.

posebice meni samom.

See, like many of you,

Vidite, poput mogih od vas,

growing up, I was an honor roll student,

tijekom odrastanja bio sam odličan učenik,

a scholarship student,

primao sam stipendiju

with dreams of becoming a doctor.

i sanjao o tome da postanem liječnik.

But things went dramatically wrong

No, stvari su se dramatično zakomplicirale

when my parents separated

kada su se moji roditelji razdvojili

and eventually divorced.

i naposljetku razveli.

The actual events are pretty straightforward.

Pravi događaji su vrlo izravni.

At the age of 17,

U dobi od 17 godina

I got shot three times

bio sam tri puta propucan

standing on the corner of my block in Detroit.

dok sam stajao na uglu u svom kvartu u Detroitu.

My friend rushed me to the hospital.

Prijatelj me odvezao u bolnicu.

Doctors pulled the bullets out,

Liječnici su izvadili metke,

patched me up,

zakrpali me,

and sent me back to the same neighborhood where I got shot.

i poslali me nazad u isti kvart u kojem sam bio upucan.

Throughout this ordeal,

Kroz cijelu ovu muku

no one hugged me,

nitko me nije zagrlio,

no one counseled me,

nitko me nije savjetovao,

no one told me I would be okay.

nitko mi nije rekao da ću biti dobro.

No one told me that I would live in fear,

Nitko mi nije rekao da ću živjeti u strahu,

that I would become paranoid,

da ću postati paranoičan,

or that I would react hyper-violently

niti da ću reagirati pretjerano nasilno

to being shot.

na to što sam bio upucan.

No one told me that one day,

Nitko mi nije rekao da ću jednoga dana,

I would become the person behind the trigger.

ja postati osoba iza okidača.

Fourteen months later,

Poslije 14 mjeseci,

at 2 a.m.,

u 2 sata ujutro,

I fired the shots

zapucao sam nekoliko puta

that caused a man's death.

zbog čega je jedan čovjek umro.

When I entered prison,

Kada sam došao u zatvor,

I was bitter, I was angry, I was hurt.

bio sam ogorčen, ljut, povrijeđen.

I didn't want to take responsibility.

Nisam htio prihvatiti odgovornost.

I blamed everybody from my parents

Krivio sam sve, od svojih roditelja

to the system.

do sustava.

I rationalized my decision to shoot

Racionalizirao sam svoju odluku da pucam

because in the hood where I come from,

jer je u mom kvartu

it's better to be the shooter

bilo bolje biti onaj koji puca

than the person getting shot.

nego onaj koji je upucan.

As I sat in my cold cell,

Dok sam sjedio u svojoj hladnoj ćeliji,

I felt helpless,

osjećao sam se bespomoćno,

unloved and abandoned.

nevoljeno i napušteno.

I felt like nobody cared,

Osjećao sam se kao da nikome nije stalo,

and I reacted

i reagirao sam

with hostility to my confinement.

nasilno na činjenicu da sam u zatvoru.

And I found myself getting

I sve sam

deeper and deeper into trouble.

dublje i dublje tonuo u probleme.

I ran black market stores,

Vodio sam crno tržište,

I loan sharked,

kamatario,

and I sold drugs that were illegally smuggled

i prodavao drogu ilegalno prokrijumčarenu

into the prison.

u zatvor.

I had in fact become

Postao sam zapravo

what the warden of the Michigan Reformatory called

ono što je nadstojnik Popravnog doma Michigan zvao

"the worst of the worst."

"najgori od najgorih."

And because of my activity,

I zbog svojih djela

I landed in solitary confinement

dospio sam u samicu

for seven and a half years

na sedam i pol godina

out of my incarceration.

svoje robije.

Now as I see it, solitary confinement

Smatram da je samica

is one of the most inhumane and barbaric places

jedno od najnehumanijih i barbarskih mjesta

you can find yourself,

na kojim se možete naći,

but find myself I did.

a ja sam se tamo doista našao.

One day, I was pacing my cell,

Jednoga dana dok sam hodao po ćeliji,

when an officer came and delivered mail.

došao je čuvar i donio poštu.

I looked at a couple of letters

Pogledao sam par pisama,

before I looked at the letter

prije nego li sam pogledao pismo

that had my son's squiggly handwriting on it.

na kojemu je bio načrčkan rukopis mog sina.

And anytime I would get a letter from my son,

Svaki puta kada bi dobio pismo svog sina,

it was like a ray of light

bilo je poput zrake svjetla

in the darkest place you can imagine.

na najtamnijem mjestu koje možete zamisliti.

And on this particular day, I opened this letter,

Taj konkretan dan otvorio sam to pismo,

and in capital letters, he wrote,

i velikim tiskanim slovima je pisalo,

"My mama told me why you was in prison:

"Mama mi je rekla zašto si u zatvoru:

murder."

zbog ubojstva."

He said, "Dad, don't kill.

Rekao je, "Tata, nemoj ubijati."

Jesus watches what you do. Pray to Him."

"Isus gleda što radiš. Moli Mu se."

Now, I wasn't religious at that time,

U to vrijeme nisam bio religiozan,

nor am I religious now,

niti sam to sada,

but it was something so profound

ali bilo je nešto jako duboko

about my son's words.

u riječima mog sina.

They made me examine things about my life

Natjerale su me da razmotrim stvari u svom životu

that I hadn't considered.

o kojima nisam bio razmišljao.

It was the first time in my life

Bio je to prvi put u mom životu

that I had actually thought about the fact

da sam zapravo promislio o činjenici

that my son would see me as a murderer.

da me moj sin gleda kao ubojicu.

I sat back on my bunk

Sjeo sam nazad na svoj ležaj,

and I reflected on something I had read

i prisjetio se nečega što sam bio pročitao

in [Plato],

u Platonu,

where Socrates stated in "Apology"

kada je Sokrat u "Isprici" izjavio

that the unexamined life isn't worth living.

da neistraženi život nije vrijedan življenja.

At that point is when the transformation began.

U tom trenutku je počela preobrazba.

But it didn't come easy.

No, nije došla tako jednostavno.

One of the things I realized,

Jedna od stvari koje sam shvatio,

which was part of the transformation,

koja je bila dio preobrazbe,

was that there were four key things.

bila je ta da postoje četiri ključne stvari.

The first thing was,

Prva je stvar bila

I had great mentors.

da imam odlične mentore.

Now, I know some of you all are probably thinking,

Znam da se neki od vas pitaju

how did you find a great mentor in prison?

kako sam našao odličnog mentora u zatvoru.

But in my case,

Ali u mom slučaju,

some of my mentors

neki od mojih mentora

who are serving life sentences

koji su služili doživotnu kaznu

were some of the best people to ever come into my life,

bili su jedni od najboljih ljudi koji su ikada ušli u moj život,

because they forced me to look at my life honestly,

jer su me natjerali da svoj život sagledam iskreno,

and they forced me to challenge myself

i da si postavim izazove

about my decision making.

u donošenju svojih odluka.

The second thing was literature.

Druga je stvar bila književnost.

Prior to going to prison,

Prije odlaska u zatvor,

I didn't know that there were so many brilliant

nisam znao da postoje toliki sjajni

black poets, authors and philosophers,

pjesnici, autori i filozofi koji su crnci,

and then I had the great fortune

a onda sam imao veliku sreću

of encountering Malcolm X's autobiography,

da naiđem na autobiografiju Malcolma X-a,

and it shattered every stereotype I had about myself.

koja je razbila svaki stereotip koji sam imao o sebi.

The third thing was family.

Treće je bila moja obitelj.

For 19 years, my father stood by my side

Moj otac je 19 godina bio uz mene

with an unshakable faith,

s nepokolebljivom vjerom,

because he believed that I had what it took

jer je vjerovao da posjedujem ono što mi je bilo potrebno

to turn my life around.

da si preokrenem život.

I also met an amazing woman

Također sam upoznao nevjerojatnu ženu

who is now the mother of my two-year-old son Sekou,

koja je sada majka mog dvogodišnjeg sina Sekoua,

and she taught me how to love myself

i koja me naučila kako samog sebe voljeti

in a healthy way.

na zdrav način.

The final thing was writing.

Posljednje je bilo pisanje.

When I got that letter from my son,

Kada sam dobio ono pismo od sina,

I began to write a journal

počeo sam pisati dnevnik

about things I had experienced in my childhood

o stvarima koje sam proživio u djetinjstvu

and in prison,

i u zatvoru,

and what it did is it opened up my mind to the idea

a to mi je otvorilo um ideji

of atonement.

o okajanju.

Earlier in my incarceration, I had received

U ranijem periodu mog robijanja, dobio samo

a letter from one of the relatives of my victim,

pismo jedne rođakinje moje žrtve,

and in that letter,

i u tom pismu

she told me she forgave me,

rekla mi je da mi oprašta

because she realized I was a young child

jer je shvatila da sam bio malo dijete

who had been abused

koje je bilo zlostavljano

and had been through some hardships

i koje je prolazilo kroz nevolje

and just made a series of poor decisions.

i samo donijelo niz loših odluka.

It was the first time in my life

To je bio prvi put u mom životu

that I ever felt open to forgiving myself.

da sam se osjećao otvoren opraštanju samome sebi.

One of the things that happened

Jedna od stvari koje su se dogodile

after that experience is that

nakon što sam to doživio bila je

I thought about the other men who were incarcerated

da sam razmišljao o drugim zatvorenicima koji su robijali

alongside of me,

zajedno sa mnom,

and how much I wanted to share this with them.

i o tome koliko sam to htio s njima podijeliti.

And so I started talking to them about

Tako sam počeo razgovarati s njima o

some of their experiences,

nekim njihovim iskustvima,

and I was devastated to realize

i bio sam strašno pogođen shvativši

that most of them came from the same abusive environments,

da je većina njih došla iz istih nasilnih okolina.

And most of them wanted help and they wanted to turn it around,

I većina njih željela je pomoć i preokret u svom životu,

but unfortunately the system

no, nažalost sustav

that currently holds 2.5 million people in prison

koji trenutno drži 2,5 milijuna ljudi u zatvoru

is designed to warehouse

simšljen je tako da skladišti

as opposed to rehabilitate or transform.

umjesto da rehabilitira ili preobražava.

So I made it up in my mind

Tako sam odlučio

that if I was ever released from prison

da ako ikada budem pušten iz zatvora

that I would do everything in my power

da ću napraviti sve u svojoj moći

to help change that.

da pomognem to promijeniti.

In 2010, I walked out of prison

Godine 2010. izišao sam iz zatvora

for the first time after two decades.

po prvi put nakon dva desetljeća.

Now imagine, if you will,

Zamislite, ako možete,

Fred Flintstone walking into an episode

Freda Kremenka kak ulazi u epizodu

of "The Jetsons."

"Jetsonsovih."

That was pretty much what my life was like.

Tako je otprilike izgledao moj život.

For the first time, I was exposed to the Internet,

Po prvi put bio sam izložen internetu,

social media,

društvenim mrežama,

cars that talk like KITT from "Knight Rider."

autima koji govore poput KITT-a iz serije "Knight Rider."

But the thing that fascinated me the most

No najviše me fascinirala

was phone technology.

telefonska tehnologija.

See, when I went to prison,

U vrijeme kada sam otišao u zatvor,

our car phones were this big

naši telefoni u autima bili su ovako veliki

and required two people to carry them.

i trebalo je dvoje ljudi da ih nose.

So imagine what it was like when I first grabbed

Zamislite onda kako je to bilo kada sam po prvi puta primio

my little Blackberry

svoj maleni Blackberry

and I started learning how to text.

i počeo učiti kako slati poruke.

But the thing is, the people around me,

Radi se o tome da, ljudi oko mene

they didn't realize that I had no idea

nisu shvaćali da nisam imao pojma

what all these abbreviated texts meant,

što znače sve te skraćenice,

like LOL, OMG, LMAO,

poput LOL, OMG, LMAO,

until one day I was having a conversation

sve dok jednog dana nisam vodio razgovor

with one of my friends via text,

s prijateljem preko poruka,

and I asked him to do something, and he responded back, "K."

i zamolio ga da nešto napravi, a on je odgovorio sa "K."

And I was like, "What is K?"

Pitao sam ga, "Što je K?"

And he was like, "K is okay."

A on je odgovorio "K je okej."

So in my head, I was like,

Pomislio sam,

"Well what the hell is wrong with K?"

"Koji vrag ne valja s K?"

And so I text him a question mark.

Poslao sam mu upitnik.

And he said, "K = okay."

Odgovorio je, "K = okej."

And so I tap back, "FU." (Laughter)

A ja mu odgovorim, "FU." (j*i se) (Smijeh)

And then he texts back, and he asks me

On me na to upita

why was I cussing him out.

zašto sam ga opsovao.

And I said, "LOL FU,"

Ja mu odgovorim, "LOL FU,"

as in, I finally understand.

u smislu, napokon razumijem (finally understand).

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And so fast forward three years,

Sada, tri godine poslije,

I'm doing relatively good.

ide mi relativno dobro.

I have a fellowship at MIT Media Lab,

Imam stipendiju za Media Lab na Tehnološkom institutu Massachusetts,

I work for an amazing company called BMe,

radim za fenomenalnu tvrtku koja se zove BMe,

I teach at the University of Michigan,

podučavam na Sveučilištu Michigan.

but it's been a struggle

No, bilo je teško

because I realize that there are more

jer shvaćam da ima više

men and women coming home

ljudi koji se vraćaju kući

who are not going to be afforded those opportunities.

kojima neće biti omogućene takve prilike.

I've been blessed to work with some amazing

Blagoslovljen sam što radim s nevjerojatnim

men and women,

ljudima,

helping others reenter society,

pomažući drugima u resocijalizaciji,

and one of them is my friend named Calvin Evans.

a jedan od njih je moj prijatelj Calvin Evans.

He served 24 years for a crime he didn't commit.

Bio je u zatvoru 24 godine radi zločina koji nije počinio.

He's 45 years old. He's currently enrolled in college.

Ima 45 godina. Trenutno ide na fakultet.

And one of the things that we talked about

Jedna od stvari o kojima smo pričali

is the three things that I found important

su tri stvari koje smatram bitnima

in my personal transformation,

u svojoj osobnoj preobrazbi.

the first being acknowledgment.

Prva je priznanje.

I had to acknowledge that I had hurt others.

Morao sam priznati da sam povrijedio druge.

I also had to acknowledge that I had been hurt.

Trebao sam priznati i da sam ja bio povrijeđen.

The second thing was apologizing.

Druga je isprika.

I had to apologize to the people I had hurt.

Morao sam se ispričati ljudima koje sam povrijedio.

Even though I had no expectations of them accepting it,

Iako nisam očekivao da će je prihvatiti,

it was important to do because it was the right thing.

bilo je bitno da to napravim jer je to bilo ispravno.

But I also had to apologize to myself.

No, trebao sam se i sam sebi ispričati.

The third thing was atoning.

Treća je okajanje.

For me, atoning meant

Za mene je kajanje značilo

going back into my community

povratak u svoju zajednicu

and working with at-risk youth

i rad s ugroženom mladeži

who were on the same path,

koja je bila na istom putu kao i ja,

but also becoming at one with myself.

ali i to da budem jedno sam sa sobom.

Through my experience of being locked up,

Kroz svoje iskustvo zatvora,

one of the things I discovered is this:

jedna od stvari koje sam otkrio je ovo:

the majority of men and women

većina ljudi

who are incarcerated are redeemable,

koja su zatvorena mogu biti iskupljena,

and the fact is,

i činjenica je da će se

90 percent of the men and women who are incarcerated

90 posto ljudi koji služe kaznu u zatvoru

will at some point return to the community,

jednog dana vratiti u zajednicu,

and we have a role in determining what kind

a mi imamo udjela u odluci kakvi će se

of men and women return to our community.

ljudi vratiti u našu zajednicu.

My wish today

Moja je želja danas

is that we will embrace

da prihvatimo

a more empathetic approach

suosjećajniji pristup

toward how we deal with mass incarceration,

tome kako se nosimo s masama koje služe zatvorsku kaznu,

that we will do away with

da se riješimo

the lock-them-up-and-throw-away-the-key mentality,

"treba ih zatvoriti za vijeke vjekova" mentaliteta,

because it's proven it doesn't work.

jer je dokazano da ne funkcionira.

My journey is a unique journey,

Moje putovanje je jedinstveno,

but it doesn't have to be that way.

no ne mora biti tako.

Anybody can have a transformation

Bilo tko može doživjeti preobrazbu

if we create the space for that to happen.

ako za takvo što stvorimo mogućnost.

So what I'm asking today

Zato vas danas tražim

is that you envision

da zamislite

a world where men and women

svijet gdje ljudi

aren't held hostage to their pasts,

nisu taoci svoje prošlosti,

where misdeeds and mistakes

gdje prestupi i pogreške

don't define you for the rest of your life.

ne određuju osobu za cijeli život.

I think collectively, we can create that reality,

Mislim da kolektivno možemo stvoriti takvu stvarnost,

and I hope you do too.

i nadam se da ćete to i napraviti.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)