How to stop swiping and find your person on dating apps | Christina Wallace

Prevodilac: Ivana Korom Lektor: Ivana Krivokuća

I first tried online dating my freshman year of college,

Prvi put sam probala sastanke preko neta na svojoj prvog godini fakulteta,

which was in 2001, in case you can't see my wrinkle.

što je bilo 2001, u slučaju da ne vidite moju boru.

Now, as you may have noticed, I'm six-feet tall,

Kao što ste možda primetili, ja sam visoka 183 cm,

and when I arrived at my chosen university

i kada sam stigla na svoj odabrani univerzitet

and realized our men's Division III basketball team averaged five-foot-eight,

i shvatila da je naš muški košarkaški tim u proseku visok oko 173cm,

I abandoned the on-campus scene and went online.

napustila sam fakultetsku scenu i prešla na internet.

Now, back then, online dating was pretty close to the plot

U to vreme, zabavljanje na netu je prilično ličilo na zaplet filma

of "You've Got Mail."

„Stigla vam je pošta”.

You'd write long emails back and forth for weeks,

Razmenjivali biste duge imejlove nedeljama,

before you finally met up in real life.

pre upoznavanja u stvarnom životu.

Except, in my case, you'd realize you have no chemistry

Osim ako, kao u mom slučaju, shvatite da nema hemije

and so now, you're back to square one.

i onda ste opet na samom početku.

So, while online dating has changed a lot in the last 17 years,

Premda se upoznavanje putem interneta mnogo promenilo u poslednjih 17 godina,

many of the frustrations remain the same.

mnoge frustracije ostaju iste.

Because here's what it does well.

Evo u čemu je internet zabavljanje dobro.

It broadens your pool of potential dates

Imate veći broj potencijalnih ljudi za sastanak

beyond your existing social and professional circles.

izvan svojih postojećih društvenih i profesionalnih krugova.

And here's what it doesn't do well.

A evo zašto nije dobro.

Literally everything else.

Bukvalno zbog svega ostalog.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

A few things you should know about me:

Par stvari koje treba da znate o meni:

I'm an action-oriented overachieving math and theater nerd,

ja sam aktivni, preambiciozni zaluđenik za matematiku i pozorište

who ended up with an MBA.

koji je završio sa MBA diplomom.

So, when things aren't working out, I tend to take a step back,

Pa kada nešto nije kako treba, usporim,

apply my business toolkit to figure out why, and to fix it.

primenim znanje iz oblasti poslovanja da utvrdim zašto i pokušam to da popravim.

My love life was no exception.

Moj ljubavni život nije bio izuzetak.

The summer before I turned 30, I took myself on a relationship off-site.

U leto pre nego što sam napunila 30, odlučila sam da se sklonim od sastanaka.

Which means I went camping solo in Maine for a week,

To znači da sam sama otišla u Mejn na sedam dana da kampujem,

to do a retro on my track record of mediocre relationships.

kako bih porazmislila o svojim prethodnim osrednjim vezama.

Because the thing was, I knew what I wanted in a partner.

Stvar je bila u tome što sam ja znala šta tražim u partneru.

Kindness, curiosity, empathy, a sense of purpose.

Dobrotu, radoznalost, empatiju, osećaj svrhe.

And yet, here's what I chose for online:

A na internetu sam tražila sledeće:

Ivy League degree, six feet or taller,

diploma prestižne škole, visina 183 cm ili više,

lives within 12 subway stops of me.

živi u blizini od 12 stanica metroom od mene.

It's not that I intentionally prioritized those things,

Nisam namerno to postavljala kao prioritet,

it's just the easiest to vet for online.

samo je to najlakši način za odluku na mreži.

It kind of is like a résumé review,

Nekako je poput pregleda biografije,

which is why these guys looked great on paper

zbog čega svi ovi momci deluju odlično na papiru

and never quite fit me.

i nikada mi ne odgovaraju.

So when I went back online in the spring of 2016,

Kad sam se vratila na mreže u proleće 2016,

I decided to reengineer the process through some classic business tools.

odlučila sam da ponovo dizajniram proces pomoću nekih klasičnih alata poslovanja.

First, I went to OkCupid,

Prvo sam otvorila nalog na mreži OkCupid,

because I wanted to avoid the gamification of swipe-based apps.

jer sam želela da izbegnem gejmifikaciju aplikacija na prevlačenje.

And also, because I wanted a writing sample.

I jer sam želela primer pisanja.

Next, I set up a sales funnel,

Zatim sam postavila „prodajni levak”,

throwing out any sense of my type,

izbacila bilo šta što je bilo "moj tip"

and instead defining the criteria that would qualify a lead.

i umesto toga definisala kriterijume koji će odrediti dobre kandidate.

An inbound message had to do three things:

Dolazna poruka je morala da obavlja tri stvari:

had to be written in complete sentences and with good grammar;

da bude napisana celim rečenicama i gramatički ispravno;

it had to reference something in my profile,

da se odnosi na nešto iz mog profila,

so I know it's not a copy-and-paste situation;

tako da znam da se ne radi o situaciji kopiraj i nalepi;

and it had to avoid all sexual content.

i da izbegne bilo kakav seksualni sadržaj.

I figured this was a pretty low bar,

Mislila sam da su to bili niski kriterijumi,

but it turns out, of my 210 inbound messages,

ali se ispostavilo se da je od 210 dolaznih poruka

only 14 percent cleared that hurdle.

samo 14 procenata prelazilo taj stepenik.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Next, I wanted to meet in real life as quickly as possible,

Sledeće, želela sam da se što pre upoznamo u realnosti,

because the things I cared about, I couldn't see online.

jer na netu nisam mogla da vidim ono do čega mi je stalo.

But the research, and my experience,

Ali istraživanje i moje iskustvo pokazuju da vam je potrebno

shows you only need about 30 seconds with someone to tell if you click.

samo oko 30 sekundi sa nekim da vidite da li se slažete.

So I invented the zero date.

Tako sam izmislila nulti sastanak.

The zero date is one drink, one hour.

To je jedno piće na sat vremena.

With the goal of answering one question:

Sa ciljem da se odgovori na jedno pitanje:

Would I like to have dinner with this person?

da li bih izašla na večeru sa ovom osobom?

Not "are they the one"?

Ne "da li je to prava osoba"?

Literally, "Would I like to spend three hours across the table

Bukvalno: "Da li bih želela da provedem tri sata za stolom sa ovom osobom?"

from this person?"

You tell them you have a hard stop --

Kažete im da imate nekakav rok -

drinks with girlfriends, a conference call with China --

piće sa drugaricama, konferencijski poziv sa Kinezima -

it doesn't matter, they don't know you.

nije bitno, ta osoba vas ne poznaje.

The point is one hour.

Suština je da traje sat vremena.

If it's awesome, you schedule a first date.

Ako je super, zakažete prvi sastanak.

And if it's not awesome, you downshift into entertainer mode

Ako nije super, spustite se na nivo zabave

and you workshop a few new stories for your next networking event.

i pokupite nekoliko priča za neku sledeću zabavu.

Plus, because it's just an hour, you can squeeze up to three in one evening

Plus, pošto traje samo sat vremena, možete uglaviti do tri sastanka na veče

and then you only have to do your hair and pick out one great outfit a week.

i onda pravite frizuru i odabirate garderobu samo jednom nedeljno.

The zero date also gave me a chance to see how they responded

Nulti sastanak mi je takođe dao priliku da vidim kako oni odgovaraju

to me asking them out.

kad ih pozovem na sastanak.

I figured not everyone would dig my moxie, and I was right.

Mislila sam da se neće svakome dopasti moja hrabrost i bila sam u pravu.

Of my 29 qualified leads, only 15 replied to my message,

Od 29 kvalifikovanih kandidata, samo je 15 odgovorilo na moju poruku

and of those, six scheduled a zero date.

i od tih, šestorica su zakazala nulti sastanak.

My first zero date was with a set designer.

Moj prvi nulti sastanak bio je sa jednim scenografom.

And we were both into yoga

Oboje nas je zanimala joga

and preferred our bagels with peanut butter,

i voleli smo đevreke sa puterom od kikirikija,

so it looked pretty promising.

tako da je obećavalo.

But two minutes in, I could tell it wasn't going to be a thing

Ali posle dva minuta, videla sam da to neće ići

i laknulo mi je da nisam na večeri s njim.

and I was relieved not to be spending dinner with him.

After that, I was a little nervous about going to my next zero date.

Posle toga sam bila malo nervozna oko odlaska na sledeći nulti sastanak.

But we had agreed to meet on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade

Ali dogovorili smo se da se nađemo na šetalištu u Bruklin Hajtsu

with a flask of whiskey to watch the sunset,

sa pljoskom viskija i gledamo zalazak sunca,

and honestly, it was two blocks from my apartment.

i iskreno, to je bilo dva bloka od mog stana.

Plus, this guy had a podcast, I have a podcast,

Plus, taj tip je imao podkast, ja imam podkast,

worst case scenario, we can talk about our podcasts.

u najgorem slučaju, možemo pričati o našim podkastima.

Then, Chas set down next to me.

Onda je pored mene seo Čaz.

And this kind and empathetic man

I taj ljubazni, saosećajni čovek

told great jokes and asked even better questions.

je pričao sjajne vicece i postavljao još bolja pitanja.

He was a lawyer and a writer, and his eyes twinkled when he laughed

Bio je advokat i pisac i oči su mu sijale kad se smejao

and they squeezed tight when I kissed him

i čvrsto se zatvarale kad sam ga poljubila

and at some point in the evening, our zero date became a first date.

i u nekom trenutku večeri, naš nulti sastanak postao je prvi.

And two years later, we have a washer, dryer and two house plants together.

I dve godine kasnije, imamo mašinu za pranje i sušenje i dve kućne biljke.

Now, I can't promise you're going to end up with house plants.

Sad, ne mogu da obećam da ćete završiti sa kućnim biljkama.

But the point of this story

Ali poenta ove priče

is that online dating doesn't have to suck.

je da zabavljanje na netu ne mora da bude bedak.

Don't treat it like a game, and don't treat it like a resume review.

Ne tretirajte ga kao igru, ali ni kao čitanje biografije.

Instead, use it to source and qualify leads

Umesto toga, iskoristite ga da pronađete i kvalifikujete kandidate

and then get offline as quickly as possible with the zero date.

i onda pređite u stvaran svet što pre, na nulti sastanak.

Because the point of this isn't swiping.

Jer poenta nije u listanju.

It's finding your person.

Poenta je u pronalaženju prave osobe.

Good luck.

Srećno.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)