Vincent Cochetel: I was held hostage for 317 days. Here's what I thought about…

Translator: Doris Kos Reviewer: Nika Kotnik

I cannot forget them.

Ne morem jih pozabiti.

Their names were Aslan, Alik, Andrei,

Ime jim je bilo Aslan, Alik, Andrei,

Fernanda, Fred, Galina, Gunnhild,

Fernanda, Fred, Galina, Gunnhild,

Hans, Ingeborg, Matti, Natalya,

Hans, Ingeborg, Matti, Natalya,

Nancy, Sheryl, Usman, Zarema,

Nancy, Sheryl, Usman, Zarema,

and the list is longer.

a seznam je mnogo daljši.

For many, their existence, their humanity,

Za mnoge je njihov obstoj, njihova človečnost

has been reduced to statistics,

postal samo statistika

coldly recorded as "security incidents."

in se ga bomo hladnokrvno spominjali kot "varnostni incident".

For me, they were colleagues

Zame so bili kolegi,

belonging to that community of humanitarian aid workers

ki so pripadali skupnosti humanitarnih delavcev,

that tried to bring a bit of comfort

ki so poskušali vsaj malo olajšati trpljenje

to the victims of the wars in Chechnya in the '90s.

žrtvam vojn v Čečeniji v 90ih.

They were nurses, logisticians, shelter experts,

Bili so medicinci, logisti, izvedenci za zavetišča,

paralegals, interpreters.

pravniki, tolmači.

And for this service, they were murdered,

In zaradi te službe so bili umorjeni,

their families torn apart,

njihove družine uničene,

and their story largely forgotten.

njihova zgodba pa v večini pozabljena.

No one was ever sentenced for these crimes.

Obsojenih za te zločine ni bilo.

I cannot forget them.

Ne morem jih pozabiti.

They live in me somehow,

Nekako živijo v meni,

their memories giving me meaning every day.

njihovi spomini pa vsakemu dnevu dajo pomen.

But they are also haunting the dark street of my mind.

A me v mislih hkrati preganjajo.

As humanitarian aid workers,

Kot humanitarni delavci

they made the choice to be at the side of the victim,

so se odločili biti na strani žrtev,

to provide some assistance, some comfort, some protection,

da jim bodo nudili pomoč, tolažbo, zaščito,

but when they needed protection themselves,

a ko so jo potrebovali sami,

it wasn't there.

le-te ni bilo.

When you see the headlines of your newspaper these days

Dandanes videvamo naslovnice v časopisih

with the war in Iraq or in Syria --

vojna v Iraku ali v Siriji --

aid worker abducted, hostage executed --

humanitarni delavec ugrabljen, talec umorjen --

but who were they?

ampak, kdo so to bili?

Why were they there?

Zakaj so bili tam?

What motivated them?

Kaj jih je motiviralo?

How did we become so indifferent to these crimes?

Kako smo lahko postali tako brezbrižni do takih zločinov?

This is why I am here today with you.

Zato sem danes z vami.

We need to find better ways to remember them.

Najti moramo boljši način, da se jih spomnimo.

We also need to explain the key values to which they dedicated their lives.

Prav tako moramo pojasniti vrednote, ki so jim posvetili svoje življenje.

We also need to demand justice.

In zahtevati moramo pravico.

When in '96 I was sent

Ko me je leta '96

by the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees to the North Caucasus,

visoki komisariat Združenih narodov za begunce poslal na Severni Kavkaz

I knew some of the risks.

sem se zavedal tveganj.

Five colleagues had been killed,

Pet mrtvih kolegov,

three had been seriously injured,

trije hudo poškodovani,

seven had already been taken hostage.

sedem jih je bilo ugrabljenih.

So we were careful.

Zato smo bili tudi mi previdni.

We were using armored vehicles, decoy cars,

Vozili smo se v oboroženih vozilih, uporabljali avte za vabo,

changing patterns of travel, changing homes,

spreminjali poti potovanj, se selili,

all sorts of security measures.

nešteto varnostnih ukrepov.

Yet on a cold winter night of January '98, it was my turn.

A sem kljub vsemu, na mrzlo zimsko noč, januarja '98, prišel na vrsto.

When I entered my flat in Vladikavkaz with a guard,

Ko sem skupaj s stražarjem vstopil v svoje stanovanje v Vladikavkazu,

we were surrounded by armed men.

sva bila obkrožena z oboroženimi možmi.

They took the guard, they put him on the floor,

Stražarja so zagrabili, ga položili na tla,

they beat him up in front of me,

ga pretepli vpričo mene,

tied him, dragged him away.

ga zavezali in odvlekli stran.

I was handcuffed, blindfolded, and forced to kneel,

Mene so vklenili, mi zavezali oči in me prisilili, da pokleknem,

as the silencer of a gun pressed against my neck.

medtem, ko so mi ob glavo tiščali dušilec pištole.

When it happens to you,

Ko se ti to zgodi,

there is no time for thinking, no time for praying.

ni časa za razmislek, ni časa za molitev.

My brain went on automatic,

Možgani so začeli delati samodejno,

rewinding quickly the life I'd just left behind.

hitro predvajali življenje, ki sem ga pustil za seboj.

It took me long minutes to figure out

Dolge minute so minile, preden sem ugotovil,

that those masked men there were not there to kill me,

da ti zamaskirani možje niso tam, da me ubijejo,

but that someone, somewhere, had ordered my kidnapping.

a da je nekdo, nekje, naročil, da me ugrabijo.

Then a process of dehumanization started that day.

In začel se je proces dehumanizacije.

I was no more than just a commodity.

Bil sem samo blago.

I normally don't talk about this,

Načeloma o tem ne govorim,

but I'd like to share a bit with you some of those 317 days of captivity.

a bi z vami rad delil del tistih 317 dni v ujetništvu.

I was kept in an underground cellar,

Zaprt sem bil v podzemni kleti,

total darkness,

popolna tema,

for 23 hours and 45 minutes every day,

23 ur in 45 minut vsak dan

and then the guards would come, normally two.

dokler nista prišla stražarja. Ponavadi sta bila dva.

They would bring a big piece of bread,

Prinesla sta velik kos kruha,

a bowl of soup, and a candle.

skledo juhe in svečo.

That candle would burn for 15 minutes,

Sveča je gorela 15 minut,

15 minutes of precious light,

15 dragocenih minut svetlobe,

and then they would take it away, and I returned to darkness.

nato sta jo vzela in vrnil sem se v temo.

I was chained by a metal cable to my bed.

Z verigo sem bil privezan k postelji,

I could do only four small steps.

naredil sem lahko le štiri male korake.

I always dreamt of the fifth one.

Vedno pa sem sanjal o petem.

And no TV, no radio, no newspaper, no one to talk to.

Nisem imel televizije, radia, niti časopisa ali koga za pogovor.

I had no towel, no soap, no toilet paper,

Nisem imel niti brisače, mila, wc papirja,

just two metal buckets open, one for water, for one waste.

samo 2 odprti vedri, enega za vodo, enega za odpadke.

Can you imagine that mock execution can be a pastime for guards

Si lahko mislite, da je podoživljanje usmrtitev kratkočasenje za stražarje,

when they are sadistic or when they are just bored or drunk?

ko uživajo v prizadejanju bolečine ali so preprosto zdolgočaseni ali pijani?

We are breaking my nerves very slowly.

Počasi sem izgubljal živce.

Isolation and darkness are particularly difficult to describe.

Izoliranost in temo je težko opisati.

How do you describe nothing?

Kako opišeš 'nič'?

There are no words for the depths of loneliness I reached

Ni besed s katerimi bi opisal globino samote, ki sem jo dosegel

in that very thin border between sanity and madness.

v tisti tanki meji med razumom in norostjo.

In the darkness, sometimes I played imaginary games of checkers.

V temi sem včasih igral namišljeno igro dame.

I would start with the black,

Začel bi s črnim,

play with the white,

nadaljeval z belim,

back to the black trying to trick the other side.

se vrnil k črnemu in poskušal prelisičiti nasprotnika.

I don't play checkers anymore.

Dame sedaj ne igram več.

I was tormented by the thoughts of my family and my colleague, the guard, Edik.

Preganjale so me misli o moji družini in kolegu, mojemu stražarju Ediku.

I didn't know what had happened to him.

Nisem vedel kaj se je z njim zgodilo.

I was trying not to think,

Medtem, ko sem poskušal ne razmišljati,

I tried to fill up my time

sem skušal zapolniti svoj čas

by doing all sorts of physical exercise on the spot.

z različnimi vadbami kar tam, na mestu.

I tried to pray, I tried all sorts of memorization games.

Poskušal sem moliti, preizkusil sem tudi igre za izboljšanje spomina.

But darkness also creates images and thoughts that are not normal.

A tema v tebi ustvari podobe in misli, ki niso običajne.

One part of your brain wants you to resist, to shout, to cry,

Del tvojih možganov se želi upreti, zakričati, jokati,

and the other part of the brain orders you to shut up

medtem ko ti drugi del ukazuje, da utihneš

and just go through it.

in narediš kot ti je rečeno.

It's a constant internal debate; there is no one to arbitrate.

Gre za neprekinjeno notranjo debato, kjer ni nikogar, ki bi razsodil.

Once a guard came to me, very aggressively, and he told me,

Nekoč je stražar prišel do mene, dokaj napadalno, in mi povedal:

"Today you're going to kneel and beg for your food."

"Danes boš pokleknil in prosil za svojo hrano."

I wasn't in a good mood, so I insulted him.

Nisem bil prav dobre volje, zato sem ga užalil.

I insulted his mother, I insulted his ancestors.

Užalil sem njegovo mati, njegove prednike.

The consequence was moderate: he threw the food into my waste.

Posledice so bile mile: vrgel je hrano med moje odpadke.

The day after he came back with the same demand.

Naslednji dan se je vrnil in zahteval isto.

He got the same answer,

Dobil je isti odgovor,

which had the same consequence.

ki pa je imel iste posledice.

Four days later, the body was full of pain.

Štiri dni kasneje je bilo moje telo v bolečinah.

I didn't know hunger hurt so much when you have so little.

Nisem vedel, da lakota boli tako močno, ko imaš tako malo.

So when the guards came down,

Ko so se torej stražarji vrnili,

I knelt.

sem pokleknil.

I begged for my food.

Moledoval sem za svojo hrano.

Submission was the only way for me to make it to another candle.

Podreditev je bila zame edini način, da se prebijem do naslednje sveče.

After my kidnapping,

Po tem, ko so me ugrabili,

I was transferred from North Ossetia to Chechnya,

so me iz Severne Osetije premestili v Čečenijo,

three days of slow travel in the trunks of different cars,

tri dni sem potoval v počasnih avtomobilih in različnih prtljažnikih

and upon arrival, I was interrogated

in ko smo prispeli na cilj me je

for 11 days by a guy called Ruslan.

11 dni zasliševal moški po imenu Ruslan.

The routine was always the same:

Rutina je bila vedno ista:

a bit more light, 45 minutes.

malo več svetlobe, 45 minut.

He would come down to the cellar,

Prišel je v klet,

he would ask the guards to tie me on the chair,

stražarjem rekel naj me privežejo na stol,

and he would turn on the music loud.

ter pojačal zvok glasbe.

And then he would yell questions.

Potem je vpil vprašanja.

He would scream. He would beat me.

Kričal je. Me pretepal.

I'll spare you the details.

Prihranil vam bom podrobnosti.

There are many questions I could not understand,

Ogromno vprašanj nisem niti razumel

and there are some questions I did not want to understand.

in nekaj jih je bilo takih, ki jih niti nisem hotel.

The length of the interrogation was the duration of the tape:

Dolžina zaslišanja je bila dolžina posnetkov:

15 songs, 45 minutes.

15 pesmi, 45 minut.

I would always long for the last song.

Vedno sem hrepenel po zadnji.

On one day, one night in that cellar, I don't know what it was,

Eno noč v tisti kleti, ne vem točno kaj se je dogajalo,

I heard a child crying above my head,

sem nad seboj slišal otroški jok,

a boy, maybe two or three years old.

fantek, 2, mogoče 3 leta star.

Footsteps, confusion, people running.

Koraki, zmeda, tekajoči ljudje.

So when Ruslan came the day after,

In ko je Ruslan prišel naslednji dan,

before he put the first question to me,

preden mi je postavil prvo vprašanje,

I asked him, "How is your son today? Is he feeling better?"

sem ga vprašal: "Kako je kaj tvoj sin? Se počuti bolje?"

Ruslan was taken by surprise.

Ruslana sem s tem presenetil.

He was furious that the guards may have leaked some details

Besen je mislil, da so stražarji izdali podrobnosti

about his private life.

njegovega privatnega življenja.

I kept talking about NGOs supplying medicines to local clinics

Razlagal sem mu o NVO-jih, ki so dobavljali zdravila lokalnim klinikam,

that may help his son to get better.

ki bi lahko pomagala njegovemu sinu.

And we talked about education, we talked about families.

In pogovarjala sva se o izobrazbi, o družinah.

He talked to me about his children.

Povedal mi je o svojih otrocih.

I talked to him about my daughters.

Povedal sem mu o mojih hčerah.

And then he'd talk about guns, about cars, about women,

In nato je govoril o orožju, avtomobilih, o ženskah,

and I had to talk about guns, about cars, about women.

in tudi jaz sem moral govoriti o orožju, avtomobilih, o ženskah.

And we talked until the last song on the tape.

In pogovarjala sva se do konca zadnjega posnetka.

Ruslan was the most brutal man I ever met.

Ruslan je bil najbolj brutalen moški, ki sem ga kdajkoli spoznal.

He did not touch me anymore.

Nikoli več se me ni dotaknil.

He did not ask any other questions.

Ni mi več postavljal vprašanj.

I was no longer just a commodity.

Nisem bil več le blago.

Two days after, I was transferred to another place.

Dva dni kasneje sem bil ponovno premeščen.

There, a guard came to me, very close -- it was quite unusual --

Na lokaciji je do mene pristopil stražar, kar je bilo dokaj neobičajno,

and he said with a very soft voice, he said,

in mi rekel, z zelo tihim glasom:

"I'd like to thank you

"Rad bi se ti zahvalil

for the assistance your organization provided my family

za pomoč, ki jo je tvoja organizacija nudila moji družini,

when we were displaced in nearby Dagestan."

ko smo bili priseljeni v bližnji Dagestan.

What could I possibly reply?

Kako bi sploh lahko odgovoril?

It was so painful. It was like a blade in the belly.

Bilo je tako boleče. Bilo je kot rezilo v trebuh.

It took me weeks of internal thinking to try to reconcile

Vzelo mi je več tednov samorazmišljanja, da sem ugotovil

the good reasons we had to assist that family

tiste dobre razloge, ki smo jih imeli, da smo pomagali tisti družini

and the soldier of fortune he became.

in vojaku usode, ki je postal.

He was young, he was shy.

Bil je mlad, sramežljiv.

I never saw his face.

Nikoli nisem videl njegovega obraza.

He probably meant well.

Gotovo je mislil samo dobro.

But in those 15 seconds,

A v tistih 15ih sekundah

he made me question everything we did,

je v meni vzbudil dvom za vsako stvar, ki smo jo storili,

all the sacrifices.

za vse žrtve.

He made me think also how they see us.

Zaradi njega sem se vprašal tudi, kako oni vidijo nas.

Until then, I had assumed that they know why we are there

Do takrat sem predvideval, da vedo zakaj smo tam

and what we are doing.

in kaj počnemo.

One cannot assume this.

Nihče tega ne sme predvidevati.

Well, explaining why we do this is not that easy,

Sicer tudi razložiti tega ni preprosto,

even to our closest relatives.

tudi našim najbližjim ne.

We are not perfect, we are not superior,

Nismo popolni, nismo nad drugimi,

we are not the world's fire brigade,

nismo najboljši gasilci na svetu,

we are not superheroes,

niti superjunaki,

we don't stop wars,

ne zaustavljamo vojn

we know that humanitarian response is not a substitute for political solution.

in vemo, da humanitarnost ni nadomestilo za politično rešitev.

Yet we do this because one life matters.

A to počnemo, ker je tudi samo eno življenje pomembno.

Sometimes that's the only difference you make --

Včasih je to tudi vse, kar lahko storiš --

one individual, one family, a small group of individuals --

ena oseba, ena družina, manjša skupina ljudi --

and it matters.

in tudi to šteje.

When you have a tsunami, an earthquake or a typhoon,

Ko udarijo cunami, potres ali orkan,

you see teams of rescuers coming from all over the world,

opazujemo skupine reševalcev, ki prihajajo z vsega sveta

searching for survivors for weeks.

in preživele iščejo tudi po več tednov.

Why? Nobody questions this.

Zakaj? Takrat se tega nihče ne vpraša.

Every life matters,

Vsako življenje je pomembno

or every life should matter.

oziroma bi moralo biti.

This is the same for us when we help refugees,

Enako velja za nas, ko pomagamo beguncem,

people displaced within their country by conflict, or stateless persons,

ljudje preseljeni zaradi spopadov, ali tisti brez države

I know many people,

poznam ogromno ljudi,

when they are confronted by overwhelming suffering,

ko se soočajo s hudim trpljenjem

they feel powerless and they stop there.

se počutijo nemočne in ne storijo ničesar.

It's a pity, because there are so many ways people can help.

Škoda je, sploh ker obstaja toliko možnosti, s katerimi bi lahko pomagali.

We don't stop with that feeling.

Mi se ne ustavimo, če to občutimo.

We try to do whatever we can to provide some assistance,

Ponudimo vse kar lahko, pomoč,

some protection, some comfort.

zaščito, tolažbo.

We have to.

Moramo.

We can't do otherwise.

Ne znamo drugače.

It's what makes us feel, I don't know, simply human.

Zaradi tega se počutimo, ne vem, kot ljudje.

That's a picture of me the day of my release.

To je moja slika na dan, ko so me izpustili.

Months after my release, I met the then-French prime minister.

Mesece po mojem izpustu sem spoznal Francoskega premierja.

The second thing he told me:

Druga stvar, ki mi jo je rekel je bila:

"You were totally irresponsible to go to the North Caucasus.

"Neodgovorno in nepremišljeno si šel na Severni kavkaz.

You don't know how many problems you've created for us."

Sploh ne veš, koliko problemov si nam povzročil."

It was a short meeting.

Bilo je kratko srečanje.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

I think helping people in danger is responsible.

Pomagati ogroženim je odgovorno.

In that war, that nobody seriously wanted to stop,

V taki vojni, ki je v resnici nihče noče zares ustaviti,

and we have many of these today,

pa imamo takih dandanes ogromno,

bringing some assistance to people in need and a bit of protection

je nuditi pomoč in zaščito ogroženim ljudem

was not just an act of humanity,

ne samo odraz človeštva,

it was making a real difference for the people.

je tudi ustvarjanje sprememb za ljudi.

Why could he not understand this?

Zakaj tega ni mogel razumeti?

We have a responsibility to try.

Nosimo odgovornost, da vsaj poskusimo.

You've heard about that concept: Responsibility to Protect.

Saj veste: odgovornost, da zaščitimo.

Outcomes may depend on various parameters.

Rezultati so odvisni od različnih dejavnikov.

We may even fail, but there is worse than failing --

Lahko nam tudi spodleti, a obstaja še kaj hujšega kot to --

it's not even trying when we can.

to, da niti ne poskusimo, ko bi lahko.

Well, if you are met this way, if you sign up for this sort of job,

Res je, če se s tem srečaš, če se prijaviš za tako službo,

your life is going to be full of joy and sadness,

bo tvoje življenje polno veselja in žalosti,

because there are a lot of people we cannot help,

ker je ogromno ljudi, ki jim ne moremo pomagati,

a lot of people we cannot protect, a lot of people we did not save.

ogromno, ki jih ne moremo zaščititi in jih nismo rešili.

I call them my ghost,

Rečem jim kar 'moji duhovi';

and by having witnessed their suffering from close,

in ko si priča njihovemu trpljenju,

you take a bit of that suffering on yourself.

del tega trpljenja prevzameš nase.

Many young humanitarian workers

Mnogo mladih humanitarnih delavcev

go through their first experience with a lot of bitterness.

svojo prvo izkušnjo doživi z občutkom grenkobe.

They are thrown into situations where they are witness,

Vrženi so v situacije, kjer so samo priče,

but they are powerless to bring any change.

a so nemočni, da bi karkoli spremenili.

They have to learn to accept it

Morajo se naučiti to sprejeti

and gradually turn this into positive energy.

in to postopoma spremeniti v pozitivno energijo.

It's difficult.

Težko je.

Many don't succeed,

Mnogim ne uspe,

but for those who do, there is no other job like this.

a za tiste, ki jim, ni boljše službe kot je ta.

You can see the difference you make every day.

Dejansko vidiš spremembo, ki jo narediš vsak dan.

Humanitarian aid workers know the risk they are taking

Humanitarni delavci se zavedajo tveganj

in conflict areas or in post-conflict environments,

v vojnih območjih ali povojnem okolju,

yet our life, our job, is becoming increasingly life-threatening,

a naša življenja, naše službe, so vedno bolj ogrožene

and the sanctity of our life is fading.

in svetost naših življenj izginja.

Do you know that since the millennium,

Ali veste, da se je po prelomu tisočletja

the number of attacks on humanitarian aid workers has tripled?

število napadov na nas potrojilo?

2013 broke new records:

2013 je podrlo rekord:

155 colleagues killed,

155 kolegov ubitih,

171 seriously wounded,

171 huje poškodovanih,

134 abducted.

134 ugrabljenih.

So many broken lives.

Toliko uničenih življenj.

Until the beginning of the civil war in Somalia in the late '80s,

Do začetka državljanske vojne v Somaliji konec 80ih let

humanitarian aid workers were sometimes victims

so bili humanitarni delavci včasih žrtve

of what we call collateral damages,

nečesa, čemur pravimo nenamerna škoda,

but by and large we were not the target of these attacks.

a nikoli nismo bili tarče napadov.

This has changed.

To se je sedaj spremenilo.

Look at this picture.

Poglejte si to sliko.

Baghdad, August 2003:

Bagdad, avgusta 2003:

24 colleagues were killed.

24 kolegov je bil ubitih.

Gone are the days when a U.N. blue flag or a Red Cross

Minili so časi, ko sta nas modra zastava ZN in zastava Rdečega Križa

would automatically protect us.

avtomatsko ščitili.

Criminal groups and some political groups

Kriminalne in politične skupine

have cross-fertilized over the last 20 years,

so se med seboj združile v zadnjih 20ih letih

and they've created these sort of hybrids

in ustvarile neke vrste hibridov,

with whom we have no way of communicating.

s katerimi nimamo možnosti komunicirati.

Humanitarian principles are tested, questioned, and often ignored,

Humanitarna načela so na preizkušnji, pod vprašajem in pogosto ignorirana,

but perhaps more importantly, we have abandoned the search for justice.

bolj pomembno kot to pa je, da smo opustili iskanje pravice.

There seems to be no consequence whatsoever

Izgleda, kot da ni nobenih posledic, kakršnihkoli,

for attacks against humanitarian aid workers.

za napade na humanitarne delavce.

After my release, I was told not to seek any form of justice.

Po mojem izpustu so mi svetovali naj ne iščem pravice.

It won't do you any good, that's what I was told.

"Nič ti ne bo koristilo," so mi rekli.

Plus, you're going to put in danger the life of other colleagues.

"Istočasno pa boš ogrozil še življenja ostalih kolegov."

It took me years to see the sentencing

Precej let je minilo, preden sem doživel obtožbo

of three people associated with my kidnapping,

treh ljudi, ki so bili povezani z mojo ugrabitvijo,

but this was the exception.

pa še to je bila izjema.

There was no justice for any of the humanitarian aid workers

Za humanitarne delavce,

killed or abducted in Chechnya between '95 and '99,

ki so bili ubiti ali ugrabljeni v Čečeniji med letoma '95 in '99 ni bilo pravice,

and it's the same all over the world.

a je tako povsod po svetu.

This is unacceptable.

To je nesprejemljivo.

This is inexcusable.

Neopravičljivo.

Attacks on humanitarian aid workers are war crimes in international law.

Napadi na humanitarne delavce so so vojni zločini po mednarodnem pravu.

Those crimes should not go unpunished.

Ti zločini ne bi smeli ostati nekaznovani.

We must end this cycle of impunity.

Zaključiti moramo ta krog nekaznovanja.

We must consider that those attacks against humanitarian aid workers

Zavedati se moramo, da so napadi na humanitarne delavce

are attacks against humanity itself.

napadi na celotno človeštvo.

That makes me furious.

To me resnično razburi.

I know I'm very lucky compared to the refugees I work for.

Vem, da imam večjo srečo v primerjavi z begunci za katere delam.

I don't know what it is to have seen my whole town destroyed.

Ne vem, kako je videti, kako ti uničijo celotno mesto.

I don't know what it is to have seen my relatives shot in front of me.

Niti ne vem, kako je, ko si priča uboju svojih sorodnikov.

I don't know what it is to lose the protection of my country.

Ali kako je, ko izgubiš zaščito svoje države.

I also know that I'm very lucky compared to other hostages.

Prav tako se zavedam, da imam srečo, v primerjavi z ostalimi talci.

Four days before my eventful release, four hostages were beheaded

4 dni preden so me izpustili, so 4 talce obglavili

a few miles away from where I was kept in captivity.

nekaj kilometrov stran od tam, kjer sem bil ujet.

Why them?

Zakaj oni?

Why am I here today?

Zakaj sem jaz danes tu?

No easy answer.

Ni preprostega odgovora.

I was received with a lot of support that I got from my relatives,

Doma so me sprejeli z ogromno razumevanja in podpore, tako sorodniki

from colleagues, from friends, from people I didn't know.

kot kolegi, prijatelji, ljudje, ki jih nisem poznal.

They have helped me over the years to come out of the darkness.

Vsa ta leta so mi pomagali, da sem prišel iz teme.

Not everyone was treated with the same attention.

A vseh niso sprejeli tako.

How many of my colleagues, after a traumatic incident,

Koliko mojih kolegov si je, po tako travmatičnem dogodku,

took their own life?

vzelo življenje?

I can count nine that I knew personally.

9 sem jih poznal osebno.

How many of my colleagues went through a difficult divorce

Koliko mojih kolegov se je soočilo s težko ločitvijo

after a traumatic experience

po tej travmatični izkušnji,

because they could not explain anything anymore to their spouse?

ker možu ali ženi niso mogli ničesar več razložiti?

I've lost that count.

Prenehal sem šteti.

There is a price for this type of life.

Tak način življenja terja svojo ceno.

In Russia, all war monuments have this beautiful inscription at the top.

V Rusiji imajo vsi vojni spomeniki na sebi zelo lep napis.

It says, (In Russian)

Na njih piše (v ruščini)

"No one is forgotten, nothing is forgotten."

"Nihče ni pozabljen, nič ni pozabljeno."

I do not forget my lost colleagues.

Tudi jaz ne pozabim svojih kolegov.

I cannot forget anything.

Ne morem pozabiti ničesar.

I call on you to remember their dedication

Pozivam vas, da se spomnite njihove predanosti

and demand that humanitarian aid workers around the world

in zahtevate, da bodo humanitarni delavci po svetu

be better protected.

bolj zaščiteni.

We should not let that light of hope they have brought to be switched off.

Ne bi smeli dovoliti, da ugasne lučka upanja, ki so jo prižgali.

After my ordeal, a lot of colleagues asked me, "But why do you continue?

Po moji preizkušnji me je mnogo kolegov vprašalo: "A zakaj nadaljuješ?

Why do you do this sort of job?

Zakaj opravljaš to službo?

Why do you have to go back to it?"

Zakaj se moraš vrniti nazaj k temu?"

My answer was very simple:

Moj odgovor je bil preprost:

If I had quit,

Če bi odnehal

that would have meant my kidnapper had won.

bi pomenilo, da je moj ugrabitelj zmagal.

They would have taken my soul

Vzeli bi mi dušo

and my humanity.

in človeštvo.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(aplavz)