Vincent Cochetel: I was held hostage for 317 days. Here's what I thought about…

翻译人员: Lynn Chy 校对人员: 杏儀 歐陽

I cannot forget them.

我永远忘不了他们

Their names were Aslan, Alik, Andrei,

他们的名字是 Aslan、Alik、Andrei

Fernanda, Fred, Galina, Gunnhild,

Fernanda、Fred、Galina、Gunnhild

Hans, Ingeborg, Matti, Natalya,

Hans、Ingeborg、Matti、Natalya

Nancy, Sheryl, Usman, Zarema,

Nancy、Sheryl、Usman、Zarema

and the list is longer.

名单还很长

For many, their existence, their humanity,

他们的存在、人性被简化成数据，

has been reduced to statistics,

他们的存在、人性被简化成数据，

coldly recorded as "security incidents."

无情地被归档为“安全事故”

For me, they were colleagues

对于我来说，他们是我的同事

belonging to that community of humanitarian aid workers

共属人道援助工作者的社群

that tried to bring a bit of comfort

他们尽最大的努力

to the victims of the wars in Chechnya in the '90s.

帮助饱受90年代战乱的车臣人民

They were nurses, logisticians, shelter experts,

他们是护士、后勤人员、防护专家

paralegals, interpreters.

律师助手、翻译人员

And for this service, they were murdered,

因为作了这些贡献，他们被杀害了。

their families torn apart,

他们的家人伤透了心

and their story largely forgotten.

然而他们的故事却被人们遗忘了

No one was ever sentenced for these crimes.

那些罪犯没有受到惩罚

I cannot forget them.

我无法忘记他们

They live in me somehow,

他们与我如影随形

their memories giving me meaning every day.

他们留下的记忆让我每天都受到启迪

But they are also haunting the dark street of my mind.

他们的身影在我的脑海中久久挥之不去

As humanitarian aid workers,

作为人道主义援助工作者

they made the choice to be at the side of the victim,

他们毅然地站在受难者的一方

to provide some assistance, some comfort, some protection,

给予难民们帮助、温暖和保护

but when they needed protection themselves,

然而当他们需要保护时

it wasn't there.

却没有人伸出援手

When you see the headlines of your newspaper these days

时至今日，当你在看报纸头条

with the war in Iraq or in Syria --

看见伊拉克、叙利亚在打战的同时

aid worker abducted, hostage executed --

也看到援助工作者被劫持、 被当做人质处死

but who were they?

但是他们是谁？

Why were they there?

为什么在那里？

What motivated them?

他们的动机是什么？

How did we become so indifferent to these crimes?

我们为何渐渐对这些犯罪变得麻木？

This is why I am here today with you.

这就是为什么我今天要站在这里

We need to find better ways to remember them.

我们必须以更好的方式来铭记他们

We also need to explain the key values to which they dedicated their lives.

我们必须阐述那些 他们一生追求的价值理念

We also need to demand justice.

我们也要争取应有的正义

When in '96 I was sent

早在1996年的时候

by the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees to the North Caucasus,

我被联合国难民署派到北高加索

I knew some of the risks.

我知道那里很危险

Five colleagues had been killed,

5名同事已经被杀害了

three had been seriously injured,

3名被重伤

seven had already been taken hostage.

7名被抓做人质

So we were careful.

所以我们很小心

We were using armored vehicles, decoy cars,

我们使用武装车、伪装车

changing patterns of travel, changing homes,

更改行程路线，更改住址

all sorts of security measures.

采用了各种各样的安全措施

Yet on a cold winter night of January '98, it was my turn.

但98年1月的一个冷冬晚上， 还是轮到我了。

When I entered my flat in Vladikavkaz with a guard,

我和我的守卫回到 在弗拉季高加索的住所时

we were surrounded by armed men.

我们被武装人员包围了

They took the guard, they put him on the floor,

他们拿下了守卫 把他打倒在地

they beat him up in front of me,

他们在我面前暴打他

tied him, dragged him away.

捆绑他、把他拖走了

I was handcuffed, blindfolded, and forced to kneel,

我双手被铐，双眼被蒙，被迫下跪

as the silencer of a gun pressed against my neck.

手枪的消声器始终抵住我的咽喉

When it happens to you,

当这一切发生在你身上的时候，

there is no time for thinking, no time for praying.

你没有时间思考或者祈祷。

My brain went on automatic,

我的大脑不受控制，

rewinding quickly the life I'd just left behind.

脑海中开始快速回放我的一生。

It took me long minutes to figure out

我很久后才发现，

that those masked men there were not there to kill me,

那些蒙面人并不是来杀我的

but that someone, somewhere, had ordered my kidnapping.

而是某些人指派他们来绑架我

Then a process of dehumanization started that day.

然后，惨无人道的生活就开始了。

I was no more than just a commodity.

我变成了一件商品。

I normally don't talk about this,

通常我不对别人提起这些，

but I'd like to share a bit with you some of those 317 days of captivity.

但是今天我想和你们分享 被囚禁317天的经历。

I was kept in an underground cellar,

我被囚禁在一个地下室里

total darkness,

伸手不见五指

for 23 hours and 45 minutes every day,

如此渡过每日的23小时45分钟

and then the guards would come, normally two.

通常两个守卫会过来

They would bring a big piece of bread,

带一大块面包

a bowl of soup, and a candle.

一碗汤和一支蜡烛

That candle would burn for 15 minutes,

蜡烛会燃烧15分钟

15 minutes of precious light,

15分钟珍贵的光明

and then they would take it away, and I returned to darkness.

然后他们就会把它拿走 我又陷入了黑暗

I was chained by a metal cable to my bed.

我被铁链锁在床架上

I could do only four small steps.

活动范围只有四小步

I always dreamt of the fifth one.

我总是渴望可以再多走第五步

And no TV, no radio, no newspaper, no one to talk to.

那里没有电视、没有广播、 没有报纸、没有谈话对象

I had no towel, no soap, no toilet paper,

没有毛巾、没有肥皂、没有厕纸

just two metal buckets open, one for water, for one waste.

只有两个敞口铁桶， 一个载水，一个用来排泄

Can you imagine that mock execution can be a pastime for guards

你能想象吗？ 模拟处决可以是守卫的消遣

when they are sadistic or when they are just bored or drunk?

要是守卫是虐待狂， 甚至仅是无聊、喝醉酒

We are breaking my nerves very slowly.

日子过得异常缓慢

Isolation and darkness are particularly difficult to describe.

孤立和黑暗尤其难以描述

How do you describe nothing?

你怎么描述这些空无？

There are no words for the depths of loneliness I reached

我所忍受的孤独程度 是无法用言语形容的

in that very thin border between sanity and madness.

在清醒和疯狂的边缘徘徊

In the darkness, sometimes I played imaginary games of checkers.

在黑暗中，我有时在脑海中玩西洋跳棋

I would start with the black,

我先走黑子，

play with the white,

然后走白子

back to the black trying to trick the other side.

然后再走黑子，试图和白子对弈

I don't play checkers anymore.

现在我不玩跳棋了

I was tormented by the thoughts of my family and my colleague, the guard, Edik.

一想到家人、同僚、我的守卫Edik， 我内心就饱受煎熬

I didn't know what had happened to him.

我不知道Edik 怎么样了

I was trying not to think,

我尝试不去想这些

I tried to fill up my time

同时又尝试打发时间

by doing all sorts of physical exercise on the spot.

在原地做不同的体能运动

I tried to pray, I tried all sorts of memorization games.

我试图祈祷，玩各种记忆力游戏

But darkness also creates images and thoughts that are not normal.

然而黑暗总是唤起 一些不寻常的画面和想法

One part of your brain wants you to resist, to shout, to cry,

脑海中的一个声音告诉你 要反抗、呐喊、哭泣。

and the other part of the brain orders you to shut up

另一个声音却命令你闭嘴

and just go through it.

默默地忍受。

It's a constant internal debate; there is no one to arbitrate.

这是一场永无止境的内心战斗, 没有人来仲裁

Once a guard came to me, very aggressively, and he told me,

一次一名守卫走过来， 相当凶恶，他告诉我，

"Today you're going to kneel and beg for your food."

“今天你要跪着来乞求你的食物。”

I wasn't in a good mood, so I insulted him.

我当时心情不好，于是就骂他

I insulted his mother, I insulted his ancestors.

我侮辱了他的母亲和祖先

The consequence was moderate: he threw the food into my waste.

结果不算太坏： 他把我的食物扔进排泄物的桶内。

The day after he came back with the same demand.

第二天他还是同样的要求

He got the same answer,

他从我这得到了相同的回答

which had the same consequence.

于是又是一样的结局

Four days later, the body was full of pain.

4天之后，痛苦蔓延到了我的全身

I didn't know hunger hurt so much when you have so little.

我从来不知道饥饿是那么地痛苦

So when the guards came down,

所以当那些卫兵再次来的时候

I knelt.

我跪下了

I begged for my food.

我哀求要食物

Submission was the only way for me to make it to another candle.

屈服是我生存的唯一方法

After my kidnapping,

被绑架之后

I was transferred from North Ossetia to Chechnya,

我从北奥塞梯被转移到车臣

three days of slow travel in the trunks of different cars,

在不同车的后备箱里辗转了三天

and upon arrival, I was interrogated

抵达当天，我就被审讯了

for 11 days by a guy called Ruslan.

这个过程整整持续了11天 审讯我的那个人叫Rusian

The routine was always the same:

审问过程总是那样：

a bit more light, 45 minutes.

光明多了一点，45分钟。

He would come down to the cellar,

他会下到地牢

he would ask the guards to tie me on the chair,

让卫兵把我绑在椅子上

and he would turn on the music loud.

然后把音乐开得很响

And then he would yell questions.

之后他会大声对我吼那些问题

He would scream. He would beat me.

他会大叫，会打我。

I'll spare you the details.

细节我就不对你们多说了

There are many questions I could not understand,

有很多问题我无法理解，

and there are some questions I did not want to understand.

还有些问题我不愿意懂。

The length of the interrogation was the duration of the tape:

审讯的时间就是磁带的长度

15 songs, 45 minutes.

15首歌，45分钟

I would always long for the last song.

我总是渴望最后一首歌快到来

On one day, one night in that cellar, I don't know what it was,

某晚在地窖，还是某白天， 我分不清是白天还是黑夜，

I heard a child crying above my head,

头顶传来一个孩子的哭声

a boy, maybe two or three years old.

一个男孩，大概2、3岁

Footsteps, confusion, people running.

脚步声，一片混乱， 人们跑动的声音

So when Ruslan came the day after,

第二天当Rusian过来的时候

before he put the first question to me,

在他提问之前

I asked him, "How is your son today? Is he feeling better?"

我问他，“ 你儿子今天怎样了? 他今天好点了吗？”

Ruslan was taken by surprise.

Rusian 很惊讶

He was furious that the guards may have leaked some details

他非常生气，以为这里的守卫 泄露他的私人生活

about his private life.

他非常生气，以为这里的守卫 泄露他的私人生活

I kept talking about NGOs supplying medicines to local clinics

我不停地对他说，非政府组织为本地诊所 提供的药物

that may help his son to get better.

也许可以帮助他儿子康复

And we talked about education, we talked about families.

然后我们谈教育 我们谈家庭

He talked to me about his children.

他跟我讲他的孩子

I talked to him about my daughters.

我跟他讲我的女儿

And then he'd talk about guns, about cars, about women,

然后他要谈枪支、谈汽车、谈女人

and I had to talk about guns, about cars, about women.

所以我也得谈枪支、谈汽车、谈女人

And we talked until the last song on the tape.

我们一直聊到最后一首歌

Ruslan was the most brutal man I ever met.

Rusian是我见过最残暴的人

He did not touch me anymore.

他没有再碰我了

He did not ask any other questions.

也不问其他问题了

I was no longer just a commodity.

我不再是一件商品了

Two days after, I was transferred to another place.

两天之后，我被转移到另外一个地方

There, a guard came to me, very close -- it was quite unusual --

在那里，一个守卫走到我身边， 相当靠近——平常不会这样——

and he said with a very soft voice, he said,

他用很温和的声音和我说

"I'd like to thank you

我想感谢你，

for the assistance your organization provided my family

因为我们在达吉斯坦流离失所时

when we were displaced in nearby Dagestan."

你的组织向我家人提供的帮助

What could I possibly reply?

我该怎么回答他？

It was so painful. It was like a blade in the belly.

这太痛苦了，这就像是腹部被捅了一刀

It took me weeks of internal thinking to try to reconcile

我花了好几个星期来消化这件事情

the good reasons we had to assist that family

我们帮助他的家庭的初衷是好的，

and the soldier of fortune he became.

然而他却变成了雇佣兵

He was young, he was shy.

他很年轻，很害羞

I never saw his face.

我从来没见过他的脸

He probably meant well.

他用意应该是好的。

But in those 15 seconds,

但是在那15秒钟内 ，

he made me question everything we did,

他让我开始质疑我们做得所有事情

all the sacrifices.

所有的牺牲。

He made me think also how they see us.

他让我开始思考 他们是如何看待我们的。

Until then, I had assumed that they know why we are there

那之前，我一直认为他们知道 为什么我们在那里

and what we are doing.

我们在做什么

One cannot assume this.

但大家不能这样以为

Well, explaining why we do this is not that easy,

解释我们的行动目的，并不容易，

even to our closest relatives.

即便是对我们最亲的亲人。

We are not perfect, we are not superior,

我们不是完美的，也不高人一等

we are not the world's fire brigade,

我们不是世界救火队

we are not superheroes,

不是超级英雄，

we don't stop wars,

也不能阻止战争。

we know that humanitarian response is not a substitute for political solution.

我们知道人道主义措施 无法替代政治解决方法

Yet we do this because one life matters.

但我们仍然坚持工作， 因为每条生命都很宝贵。

Sometimes that's the only difference you make --

很多时候，你做的贡献 只是帮助了一个人

one individual, one family, a small group of individuals --

一个家庭或者一小部分人

and it matters.

然而这是不可忽视的

When you have a tsunami, an earthquake or a typhoon,

当你遭受了海啸，地震或者台风

you see teams of rescuers coming from all over the world,

你能看见从世界各地来的救援队

searching for survivors for weeks.

连续数周搜寻幸存者

Why? Nobody questions this.

为什么？没有人问过这个问题

Every life matters,

每个生命都是重要的

or every life should matter.

或者说，每条生命都应该很宝贵。

This is the same for us when we help refugees,

出于同一原因，我们帮助难民

people displaced within their country by conflict, or stateless persons,

帮助由于冲突而流离失所的人， 无论他们有没有国籍

I know many people,

我知道许多人

when they are confronted by overwhelming suffering,

当他们面对不能承受之苦时，

they feel powerless and they stop there.

会感觉无能为力，然后袖手旁观

It's a pity, because there are so many ways people can help.

这很遗憾，因为人们 能给予帮助的方式有很多

We don't stop with that feeling.

我们并不会因为这种无力感而停止

We try to do whatever we can to provide some assistance,

我们尝试尽己所能

some protection, some comfort.

去提供一些帮助、保护和安乐

We have to.

我们必须这么做

We can't do otherwise.

我们别无选择

It's what makes us feel, I don't know, simply human.

这能让我们感觉…感觉到纯粹的人性

That's a picture of me the day of my release.

这是我被释放那天的照片

Months after my release, I met the then-French prime minister.

几个月之后，法国总理接见了我

The second thing he told me:

然后他告诉我：

"You were totally irresponsible to go to the North Caucasus.

“你去北高加索，实在是完全不负责任

You don't know how many problems you've created for us."

你不知道你给我们带来了多少麻烦”

It was a short meeting.

会面很简短

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I think helping people in danger is responsible.

我认为帮助陷于危险的人是一种责任

In that war, that nobody seriously wanted to stop,

那场战争，没有人想要真正停战，

and we have many of these today,

今天我们有很多这样的战争

bringing some assistance to people in need and a bit of protection

帮助那些需要的人们

was not just an act of humanity,

不仅仅是出于人道主义

it was making a real difference for the people.

这是为人们提高切实的帮助

Why could he not understand this?

为什么他不能理解？

We have a responsibility to try.

我们有责任去尝试

You've heard about that concept: Responsibility to Protect.

大家都听过这个理念: 保护的责任

Outcomes may depend on various parameters.

成果可能取决于不同的标准

We may even fail, but there is worse than failing --

我们甚至可能会失败， 但比失败更糟糕的是：

it's not even trying when we can.

当我们可以帮助的时候， 却没有去尝试

Well, if you are met this way, if you sign up for this sort of job,

如果有一天你投身于这类工作

your life is going to be full of joy and sadness,

你的生活将会充满了喜悦和伤悲

because there are a lot of people we cannot help,

因为有很多人我们无法帮助

a lot of people we cannot protect, a lot of people we did not save.

很多人我们无法保护 很多人我们没有拯救

I call them my ghost,

我把他们称之为我的幽灵

and by having witnessed their suffering from close,

在近距离见证了他们的痛苦

you take a bit of that suffering on yourself.

你也感同身受

Many young humanitarian workers

许多年轻的人道主义援助工作者

go through their first experience with a lot of bitterness.

第一次经历都是充满了苦痛

They are thrown into situations where they are witness,

他们不得不目睹一些状况

but they are powerless to bring any change.

但却对状况无能为力

They have to learn to accept it

他们必须学会接受这一切

and gradually turn this into positive energy.

并且逐渐把这转化成正能量

It's difficult.

这很困难

Many don't succeed,

许多人无法成功

but for those who do, there is no other job like this.

但是那些成功通过试炼的人， 这是一份无与伦比的工作。

You can see the difference you make every day.

每天的努力都能带来不同

人道主义救援工作者 知道他们工作的危险性质

Humanitarian aid workers know the risk they are taking

in conflict areas or in post-conflict environments,

在有冲突的地区或者战后地区

yet our life, our job, is becoming increasingly life-threatening,

我们的生活和工作变得越来越危险

and the sanctity of our life is fading.

而且我们生命的神圣正在消退

Do you know that since the millennium,

大家知道吗？自从千禧年以来，

the number of attacks on humanitarian aid workers has tripled?

被袭击的救援人员人数 已经上升两倍

2013 broke new records:

2013年创造了新纪录

155 colleagues killed,

155个同僚被杀害，

171 seriously wounded,

171个重伤

134 abducted.

134个被绑架

So many broken lives.

破碎的生命如此之多

Until the beginning of the civil war in Somalia in the late '80s,

80年代后期索马里内战之前，

humanitarian aid workers were sometimes victims

有时人道主义援助工作者会成为 我们所说的间接伤害的受害者，

of what we call collateral damages,

有时人道主义援助工作者会成为 我们所说的间接伤害的受害者，

but by and large we were not the target of these attacks.

但我们绝对不是袭击的目标

This has changed.

然而这已经变了。

Look at this picture.

看看这张图片。

Baghdad, August 2003:

巴格达，2003年8月

24 colleagues were killed.

24个同僚被杀

Gone are the days when a U.N. blue flag or a Red Cross

被联合国或者红十字会保护的那些日子

would automatically protect us.

已经一去不复返了。

Criminal groups and some political groups

犯罪集团以及一些政治集团

have cross-fertilized over the last 20 years,

在过去的20多年内，互相勾结壮大

and they've created these sort of hybrids

创造出我们无法与之沟通的 某种杂交团体

with whom we have no way of communicating.

创造出我们无法与之沟通的 某种杂交团体

Humanitarian principles are tested, questioned, and often ignored,

人道主义原则受到挑战、质疑， 甚至很多时候被无视

but perhaps more importantly, we have abandoned the search for justice.

但是更重要的是， 我们放弃了追求正义。

There seems to be no consequence whatsoever

攻击救援人员

for attacks against humanitarian aid workers.

似乎再也不会带来什么后果

After my release, I was told not to seek any form of justice.

被释放之后，我被告知 不要寻求任何形式的正义

It won't do you any good, that's what I was told.

”这对你没好处“ 人们对我这么说。

Plus, you're going to put in danger the life of other colleagues.

”也会让你的同僚陷入危险。“

It took me years to see the sentencing

花了很多年，我才看到

of three people associated with my kidnapping,

与我绑架案相关的三个人被判刑

but this was the exception.

这还是一个例外

There was no justice for any of the humanitarian aid workers

在95年到99年期间， 很多被杀害或绑架的工作人员

killed or abducted in Chechnya between '95 and '99,

没有得到应有的公道

and it's the same all over the world.

全世界都是这样

This is unacceptable.

这是不能接受的

This is inexcusable.

这是不能容忍的

Attacks on humanitarian aid workers are war crimes in international law.

在国际法中， 袭击人道主义救援人员是战争罪行

Those crimes should not go unpunished.

这些罪孽不能饶恕

We must end this cycle of impunity.

我们必须终止有罪不惩的循环

We must consider that those attacks against humanitarian aid workers

我们必须将袭击人道主义援助人员 视为对人道主义的袭击

are attacks against humanity itself.

我们必须将袭击人道主义援助人员 视为对人道主义的袭击

That makes me furious.

这样的袭击让我很愤怒

I know I'm very lucky compared to the refugees I work for.

我知道，比起工作中的难民 我已相当幸运。

I don't know what it is to have seen my whole town destroyed.

看见自己的家乡被完全毁灭 我不知道会有何感想。

I don't know what it is to have seen my relatives shot in front of me.

看见自己的亲人在自己面前被射死 我不知道会有何感想。

I don't know what it is to lose the protection of my country.

看见自己失去国家的保护 我不知道会有何感想。

I also know that I'm very lucky compared to other hostages.

我知道比起其他人质 我已经很幸运了

Four days before my eventful release, four hostages were beheaded

在我被释放的四天前， 四名人质被砍头了

a few miles away from where I was kept in captivity.

仅在我牢房的几英里之外

Why them?

为什么是他们？

Why am I here today?

为什么我今天在这里？

No easy answer.

不容易回答

I was received with a lot of support that I got from my relatives,

我受到很多亲人的帮助

from colleagues, from friends, from people I didn't know.

来自同僚，朋友们以及 很多我不认识的人的帮助

They have helped me over the years to come out of the darkness.

这些年来，他们帮助我走出黑暗

Not everyone was treated with the same attention.

不是所有人都能得到如此的关注

How many of my colleagues, after a traumatic incident,

在经历苦难之后，

took their own life?

有多少同僚最后结束了自己的生命？

I can count nine that I knew personally.

我认识的就有9个

How many of my colleagues went through a difficult divorce

在那些苦难之后，

after a traumatic experience

有多少同僚经历了离婚，

because they could not explain anything anymore to their spouse?

因为他们没有办法与他们的伴侣沟通？

I've lost that count.

我已经数不过来了

There is a price for this type of life.

这些生命是无价和宝贵的

In Russia, all war monuments have this beautiful inscription at the top.

在俄罗斯，所有的战争纪念碑的顶部

It says, (In Russian)

写着（俄罗斯语）

"No one is forgotten, nothing is forgotten."

“无人会被忘记。 无事会被忘记。”

I do not forget my lost colleagues.

我不会遗忘那些故去的同事

I cannot forget anything.

我不能忘记任何发生的事情

I call on you to remember their dedication

我呼吁各位，铭记他们的贡献

and demand that humanitarian aid workers around the world

并且支持全世界的人道主义救援人员

be better protected.

受到更好的保护

We should not let that light of hope they have brought to be switched off.

我们不应该熄灭他们带来的 希望之光

After my ordeal, a lot of colleagues asked me, "But why do you continue?

那次苦难之后，很多同事问我： “你为什么还要继续？”

Why do you do this sort of job?

你为什么做这类工作？

Why do you have to go back to it?"

为什么非得继续做这些？

My answer was very simple:

我的回答很简单

If I had quit,

如果我放弃，

that would have meant my kidnapper had won.

那就意味着 那些绑架我的人们胜利了

They would have taken my soul

意味着他们可以夺走我的灵魂

and my humanity.

以及我的人道主义

Thank you.

谢谢

(Applause)

（鼓掌）