A better way to talk about love | Mandy Len Catron

317,405 views ใƒป 2017-01-27

TED


ไธ‹ใฎ่‹ฑ่ชžๅญ—ๅน•ใ‚’ใƒ€ใƒ–ใƒซใ‚ฏใƒชใƒƒใ‚ฏใ™ใ‚‹ใจๅ‹•็”ปใ‚’ๅ†็”Ÿใงใใพใ™ใ€‚

00:00
Translator: Leslie Gauthier Reviewer: Camille Martรญnez
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็ฟป่จณ: Yasuko Bramble ๆ กๆญฃ: Yuko Yoshida
00:12
OK, so today I want to talk about how we talk about love.
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ไปŠๆ—ฅใฏ ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฎ่ชžใ‚Šๆ–นใซใคใ„ใฆ ใŠ่ฉฑใ—ใ—ใŸใ„ใจๆ€ใ„ใพใ™
00:17
And specifically,
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ๅ…ทไฝ“็š„ใซใฏ
00:18
I want to talk about what's wrong with how we talk about love.
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็ง้”ใŒๆ‹ๆ„›ใ‚’่ชžใ‚‹ไธŠใงใฎ ๅ•้กŒ็‚นใซใคใ„ใฆ ใŠ่ฉฑใ—ใ—ใพใ™
00:22
Most of us will probably fall in love a few times
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็ง้”ใฎๅคšใใฏ็”ŸๆถฏใซใŠใ„ใฆ ใŠใใ‚‰ใไฝ•ๅบฆใ‹ใฏ
ๆ‹ใซ่ฝใกใ‚‹ใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†
00:26
over the course of our lives,
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00:27
and in the English language, this metaphor, falling,
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ใ“ใฎ็ตŒ้จ“ใ‚’่ชžใ‚‹ใฎใซ ่‹ฑ่ชžใงใฏใ‚ˆใ
00:31
is really the main way that we talk about that experience.
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ใ“ใฎใ€Œ่ฝใกใ‚‹ใ€ใจใ„ใ†่กจ็พใ‚’ไฝฟใ„ใพใ™
00:35
I don't know about you,
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็งใ ใ‘ใ‹ใ‚‚ใ—ใ‚Œใพใ›ใ‚“ใŒ
00:36
but when I conceptualize this metaphor,
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็งใŒ ใ“ใฎใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใ‚’้ ญใซๆ€ใ„ๆใๆ™‚
00:38
what I picture is straight out of a cartoon --
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ๆตฎใ‹ใ‚“ใงใใ‚‹ใฎใฏ ๆผซ็”ปใ‹ใ‚‰้ฃ›ใณๅ‡บใ—ใฆใใŸใ‚ˆใ†ใชๅ ด้ขใงใ™
ใฒใจใ‚Šใฎ็”ทใŒ
00:42
like there's a man,
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00:43
he's walking down the sidewalk,
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ๆญฉ้“ใ‚’ๆญฉใ„ใฆใ„ใฆ
ใƒžใƒณใƒ›ใƒผใƒซใซๅทฎใ—ใ‹ใ‹ใ‚Š ่“‹ใŒๅค–ใ‚Œใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใซๆฐ—ไป˜ใ‹ใš
00:45
without realizing it, he crosses over an open manhole,
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00:48
and he just plummets into the sewer below.
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ไธ‹ๆฐดใซ่ฝใฃใ“ใกใ‚‹ ใจใ„ใ†ใ‚‚ใฎใงใ™
00:51
And I picture it this way because falling is not jumping.
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ใ“ใฎใ‚ˆใ†ใซๆ€ใ„ๆใใฎใฏ ่ฝใกใ‚‹ใจใ„ใ†ใฎใฏ ใ‚ธใƒฃใƒณใƒ—ใจใฏ้•ใ†ใ‹ใ‚‰ใงใ™
00:56
Falling is accidental,
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่ฝใกใ‚‹ใฎใฏๅถ็„ถใง
00:58
it's uncontrollable.
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ใ‚ณใƒณใƒˆใƒญใƒผใƒซใงใใชใ„ใ“ใจใงใ™
01:00
It's something that happens to us without our consent.
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ๅซŒใงใ‚‚ ่บซใซ้™ใฃใฆใใ‚‹ใ‚‚ใฎใงใ™
01:04
And this --
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ใ“ใ‚ŒใŒ
01:05
this is the main way we talk about starting a new relationship.
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ๆ–ฐใ—ใ„ๆ‹ใฎๅง‹ใพใ‚Šใ‚’่กจใ™ ไธปใช่จ€ใ„ๆ–นใชใฎใงใ™
01:10
I am a writer and I'm also an English teacher,
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็งใฏไฝœๅฎถใง่‹ฑ่ชžๆ•™ๅธซใงใ‚‚ใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ™
่จ€่‘‰ใซใคใ„ใฆ่€ƒใˆใ‚‹ใฎใŒ ไป•ไบ‹ใจใ„ใ†ใ“ใจใงใ™
01:14
which means I think about words for a living.
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01:16
You could say that I get paid to argue that the language we use matters,
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็ง้”ใŒไฝฟใ†่จ€่ชžใฎ้‡่ฆๆ€งใ‚’ ่ชฌใใ“ใจใง็จผใ„ใงใ„ใ‚‹ใ‚ˆใ†ใชใ‚‚ใฎใงใ™
01:20
and I would like to argue that many of the metaphors we use
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็งใฏ ็ง้”ใŒๆ‹ๆ„›ใซใคใ„ใฆ่ชžใ‚‹ๆ™‚ใซไฝฟใ†โ€•
01:24
to talk about love --
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ๅคšใใฎใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใซใฏ
01:26
maybe even most of them --
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ใ‚ใ‚‹ใ„ใฏๅคง้ƒจๅˆ†ใ‹ใ‚‚ใ—ใ‚Œใพใ›ใ‚“ใŒใƒผ
01:28
are a problem.
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ๅ•้กŒใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ใจๆ€ใฃใฆใ„ใพใ™
01:30
So, in love, we fall.
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ใ•ใฆ ็ง้”ใฏๆ‹ใซใ€Œ่ฝใกใ€ใพใ™
01:33
We're struck.
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ใƒ“ใƒ“ใฃใจใใพใ™
01:35
We are crushed.
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ๆ‰“ใกใฒใ—ใŒใ‚Œใพใ™
01:37
We swoon.
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ๆญฃๆฐ—ใ‚’ๅคฑใ„ใพใ™
01:39
We burn with passion.
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ๆƒ…็†ฑ็š„ใซ็‡ƒใˆใพใ™
01:41
Love makes us crazy,
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฏ็ง้”ใ‚’็‹‚ใ‚ใ›
01:43
and it makes us sick.
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็—…ใซ้™ฅใ‚Œใพใ™
01:45
Our hearts ache,
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ๅฟƒใฏ็—›ใฟ
01:47
and then they break.
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ใ‚„ใŒใฆๅฃŠใ‚Œใพใ™
01:50
So our metaphors equate the experience of loving someone
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ใคใพใ‚Š ใ“ใ‚Œใ‚‰ใฎใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใฏ ่ชฐใ‹ใ‚’ๆ„›ใ™ใ‚‹็ตŒ้จ“ใ‚’
01:53
to extreme violence or illness.
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ๆฟ€ใ—ใ„ๆšดๅŠ›ใ‚„็—…ๆฐ—ใจ ๅŒไธ€่ฆ–ใ—ใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใฎใงใ™
(็ฌ‘)
01:56
(Laughter)
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ใใ†ใชใ‚“ใงใ™
01:59
They do.
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02:00
And they position us as the victims
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ใใ—ใฆ ใใฎใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใฏ็ง้”ใ‚’
02:02
of unforeseen and totally unavoidable circumstances.
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ไบˆๆœŸใงใใชใ„ ๅ›ž้ฟไธๅฏ่ƒฝใช็Šถๆณใฎ ่ขซๅฎณ่€…ใซใ—ใฆใ—ใพใ„ใพใ™
02:06
My favorite one of these is "smitten,"
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็งใฎใŠๆฐ—ใซๅ…ฅใ‚Šใฎใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใฎ ไธ€ใค ใ€Œsmittenใ€ใฏ
02:09
which is the past participle of the word "smite."
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ใ€Œsmiteใ€ใจใ„ใ†ๅ˜่ชžใฎ้ŽๅŽปๅˆ†่ฉžใงใ™
่พžๆ›ธใง ใ“ใฎๅ˜่ชžใ‚’่ชฟในใฆใฟใ‚‹ใจ
02:12
And if you look this word up in the dictionary --
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02:15
(Laughter)
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(็ฌ‘)
02:16
you will see that it can be defined as both "grievous affliction,"
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ใ“ใฎๅ˜่ชžใซใฏใ€Œๆ‚ฒๆƒจใช่‹ฆใ—ใฟใ€ใจ ใ€Œๆทฑใๆ‹ใ‚’ใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใ€ใฎไธกๆ–นใฎ
02:20
and, "to be very much in love."
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ๅฎš็พฉใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใŒๅˆ†ใ‹ใ‚‹ใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†
02:25
I tend to associate the word "smite" with a very particular context,
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ใ“ใฎใ€Œsmiteใ€ใจใ„ใ†่จ€่‘‰ใ‚’่žใใจ ใ‚ใ‚‹ๆ–‡่„ˆใŒๆ€ใ„ๆตฎใ‹ใณใพใ™
ใใ‚Œใฏๆ—ง็ด„่–ๆ›ธใงใ™
02:29
which is the Old Testament.
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02:31
In the Book of Exodus alone, there are 16 references to smiting,
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ใ€Žๅ‡บใ‚จใ‚ธใƒ—ใƒˆ่จ˜ใ€ใ ใ‘ใงใ‚‚ 16ใ‹ๆ‰€ใฎ่จ€ๅŠใŒใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ™ใŒ
02:36
which is the word that the Bible uses for the vengeance of an angry God.
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่–ๆ›ธใงใฏ ๆ€’ใ‚Œใ‚‹็ฅžใฎๅ ฑๅพฉใ‚’ ่ชžใ‚‹ใฎใซไฝฟใ‚ใ‚Œใฆใ„ใ‚‹่จ€่‘‰ใงใ™
(็ฌ‘)
02:40
(Laughter)
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02:41
Here we are using the same word to talk about love
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็ง้”ใฏใ‚คใƒŠใ‚ดใฎ็•ฐๅธธ็™บ็”Ÿใฎ่ชฌๆ˜Žใซ ไฝฟใ†ใฎใจๅŒใ˜่จ€่‘‰ใ‚’
02:44
that we use to explain a plague of locusts.
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใ‚’่ชžใ‚‹ใฎใซ ไฝฟใฃใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใฎใงใ™
(็ฌ‘)
02:47
(Laughter)
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ใงใ™ใ‚ˆใญ
02:48
Right?
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02:49
So, how did this happen?
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ใฉใ†ใ—ใฆ ใ“ใ‚“ใชใ“ใจใŒ่ตทใ“ใฃใŸใฎใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†
02:51
How have we come to associate love with great pain and suffering?
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ใชใœๆ‹ๆ„›ใ‚’ๆฟ€ใ—ใ„็—›ใฟใ‚„่‹ฆๆ‚ฉใจ ้–ข้€ฃไป˜ใ‘ใ‚‹ใ‚ˆใ†ใซใชใฃใŸใฎใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†
02:55
And why do we talk about this ostensibly good experience
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ใใ—ใฆ ใชใœ ใ‚ใŸใ‹ใ‚‚็ง้”ใŒ ใ“ใฎ่กจๅ‘ใๅนธใ›ใช็ตŒ้จ“ใฎ
02:59
as if we are victims?
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่ขซๅฎณ่€…ใงใ‚ใ‚‹ใ‹ใฎใ‚ˆใ†ใซ่ชžใ‚‹ใฎใงใ—ใ‚‡ใ†
03:02
These are difficult questions,
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ใ“ใ‚Œใ‚‰ใฏ้›ฃใ—ใ„่ณชๅ•ใงใ™ใŒ
03:04
but I have some theories.
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็งใซใฏๆŒ่ซ–ใŒใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ™
03:05
And to think this through,
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ใ“ใฎๅ•้กŒใ‚’่€ƒใˆใฆใ„ใไธŠใง
03:07
I want to focus on one metaphor in particular,
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ใ‚ใ‚‹ใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใซ ๆณจ็›ฎใ—ใŸใ„ใจๆ€ใ„ใพใ™
03:09
which is the idea of love as madness.
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ใใ‚Œใฏ ๆ‹ๆ„›ใŒ็‹‚ๆฐ—ใงใ‚ใ‚‹ใจใ„ใ†่€ƒใˆใงใ™
็งใŒๆ‹ๆ„›ใฎ็ ”็ฉถใ‚’ๅง‹ใ‚ใŸ้ ƒ
03:13
When I first started researching romantic love,
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03:15
I found these madness metaphors everywhere.
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ใ“ใฎ็‹‚ๆฐ—ใฎใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใ‚’ ใ„ใŸใ‚‹ใจใ“ใ‚ใง็›ฎใซใ—ใพใ—ใŸ
03:18
The history of Western culture
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ๆญดๅฒใ‚’ใ•ใ‹ใฎใผใฃใฆใฟใฆใ‚‚ ่ฅฟๆด‹ๆ–‡ๅŒ–ใฏ
03:20
is full of language that equates love to mental illness.
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใจๅฟƒใฎ็—…ใ‚’ๅŒไธ€่ฆ–ใ™ใ‚‹่จ€ใ„ๅ›žใ—ใซ ใ‚ใตใ‚Œใฆใ„ใพใ™
03:25
These are just a few examples.
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ๅฐ‘ใ—ไพ‹ใ‚’็ดนไป‹ใ—ใพใ—ใ‚‡ใ†
03:27
William Shakespeare:
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ใ‚ฆใ‚ฃใƒชใ‚ขใƒ ใƒปใ‚ทใ‚งใƒผใ‚ฏใ‚นใƒ”ใ‚ข
03:28
"Love is merely a madness,"
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ใ€Œๆ‹ใจใฏๅ…จใ็‹‚ๆฐ—ใฎๆฒ™ๆฑฐใ ใ€
03:30
from "As You Like It."
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ใ€ŽใŠๆฐ—ใซๅฌใ™ใพใพใ€ใ‚ˆใ‚Š
ใƒ•ใƒชใƒผใƒ‰ใƒชใƒ’ใƒปใƒ‹ใƒผใƒใ‚ง
03:32
Friedrich Nietzsche:
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03:33
"There is always some madness in love."
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ใ€Œๆ„›ใซใฏๅธธใซๅนพๅˆ†ใ‹ใฎ็‹‚ๆฐ—ใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ใ€
03:36
"Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love -- "
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ใ€ŒใŠใ‹ใ’ใง ใ‚ใŸใ—ใฏ ใ‚ฏใƒฌใ‚คใ‚ธใƒผใซๆ„›ใ—ใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใ€
03:39
(Laughter)
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(็ฌ‘)
03:41
from the great philosopher, Beyoncรฉ Knowles.
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ๅ‰ๅคงใชๅ“ฒๅญฆ่€… ใƒ“ใƒจใƒณใ‚ปใƒปใƒŽใ‚ฆใƒซใ‚บใ‚ˆใ‚Š
(็ฌ‘)
03:44
(Laughter)
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็งใŒๅˆใ‚ใฆๆ‹ใซ่ฝใกใŸใฎใฏ 20ๆญณใฎๆ™‚ใงใ—ใŸ
03:47
I fell in love for the first time when I was 20,
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03:49
and it was a pretty turbulent relationship right from the start.
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ใใ‚Œใ‚‚ๅˆใ‚ใ‹ใ‚‰ ๅคง่’ใ‚Œใฎ้–ขไฟ‚ใงใ—ใŸ
03:53
And it was long distance for the first couple of years,
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ใ—ใ‹ใ‚‚ ๆœ€ๅˆใฎ๏ผ’ๅนดใฏ้ ่ท้›ขใ ใฃใŸใฎใง
03:56
so for me that meant very high highs and very low lows.
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ๆœ€้ซ˜ใซ่‰ฏใ„ๆ™‚ใจ ๆœ€ไฝŽใซๆ‚ชใ„ๆ™‚ใฎ ใฉใกใ‚‰ใ‹ใ—ใ‹ ใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸ
04:01
I can remember one moment in particular.
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็‰นใซ ใ‚ใ‚‹ๅ…‰ๆ™ฏใ‚’่ฆšใˆใฆใ„ใพใ™
04:04
I was sitting on a bed in a hostel in South America,
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็งใฏๅ—็ฑณใฎใƒ›ใ‚นใƒ†ใƒซใฎใƒ™ใƒƒใƒ‰ใซๅบงใ‚Š
04:07
and I was watching the person I love walk out the door.
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็งใฎๆ„›ใ™ใ‚‹ไบบใŒใƒ‰ใ‚ขใ‹ใ‚‰ ๅ‡บใฆใ„ใใฎใ‚’่ฆ‹ใฆใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
ๅคœใ‚‚ๆ›ดใ‘ใฆ
04:12
And it was late,
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04:13
it was nearly midnight,
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็œŸๅคœไธญ่ฟ‘ใใงใ—ใŸ
็ง้”ใฏๅค•้ฃŸๆ™‚ใซๅฃ่ซ–ใซใชใ‚Š
04:15
we'd gotten into an argument over dinner,
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้ƒจๅฑ‹ใซๆˆปใฃใŸๆ™‚
04:17
and when we got back to our room,
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ๅฝผใฏๆŒใก็‰ฉใ‚’ใƒใƒƒใ‚ฐใซๆ”พใ‚Š่พผใฟ ้ฃ›ใณๅ‡บใ—ใฆ่กŒใใพใ—ใŸ
04:19
he threw his things in the bag and stormed out.
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ใ‚‚ใฏใ‚„ๅฃ่ซ–ใฎๅ†…ๅฎนใฏๆ€ใ„ๅ‡บใ›ใชใ„ใ‚‚ใฎใฎ
04:23
While I can no longer remember what that argument was about,
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04:26
I very clearly remember how I felt watching him leave.
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ๅฝผใŒๅŽปใ‚‹ใฎใ‚’ ใฉใ‚“ใชๆฐ—ๆŒใกใง่ฆ‹ใฆใ„ใŸใ‹ใฏ ใจใฆใ‚‚ ใฏใฃใใ‚Šใจๆ€ใ„ๅ‡บใ›ใพใ™
็งใฏ22ๆญณใง ๅˆใ‚ใฆใฎ ็™บๅฑ•้€”ไธŠๅœฐๅŸŸใธใฎๆ—…่กŒใง
04:31
I was 22, it was my first time in the developing world,
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04:35
and I was totally alone.
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ใพใฃใŸใใฎ็‹ฌใ‚Šใผใฃใกใงใ—ใŸ
04:38
I had another week until my flight home,
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ๅธฐๅ›ฝไพฟใพใง ใ‚ใจไธ€้€ฑ้–“ใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ—ใŸ
04:41
and I knew the name of the town that I was in,
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ๆปžๅœจใ—ใฆใ„ใŸ็”บใฎๅๅ‰ใฏ็Ÿฅใฃใฆใ„ใฆ
04:44
and the name of the city that I needed to get to to fly out,
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ๅธฐๅ›ฝไพฟใŒ็™บใค็ฉบๆธฏใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ๅธ‚ใฎ ๅๅ‰ใ‚‚็Ÿฅใฃใฆใ„ใพใ—ใŸใŒ
04:47
but I had no idea how to get around.
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ไฝ•ใ‚’ใฉใ†ใ™ใ‚Œใฐใ‚ˆใ„ใ‹ ๅˆ†ใ‹ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸ
04:51
I had no guidebook and very little money,
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ใ‚ฌใ‚คใƒ‰ใƒ–ใƒƒใ‚ฏใ‚‚ใชใ ใŠ้‡‘ใ‚‚ใปใจใ‚“ใฉใชใ
ใ‚นใƒšใ‚คใƒณ่ชžใ‚‚่ฉฑใ›ใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸ
04:55
and I spoke no Spanish.
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04:57
Someone more adventurous than me
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็งใ‚ˆใ‚Šใ‚‚ๅ†’้™บๅฟƒใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ไบบใชใ‚‰
04:59
might have seen this as a moment of opportunity,
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ใ“ใ‚Œใ‚’ใ‚ˆใ„ๆฉŸไผšใจๆ‰ใˆใŸใ‹ใ‚‚ใ—ใ‚Œใพใ›ใ‚“ใŒ
็งใฏใŸใ ๅ›บใพใฃใฆใ—ใพใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
05:02
but I just froze.
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05:04
I just sat there.
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ใŸใ ใŸใ ๅบงใฃใฆใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
05:06
And then I burst into tears.
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ใ‚„ใŒใฆ ๆฟ€ใ—ใๆณฃใๅ‡บใ—ใพใ—ใŸ
05:09
But despite my panic,
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ใ—ใ‹ใ— ใƒ‘ใƒ‹ใƒƒใ‚ฏ็Šถๆ…‹ใซใ‚‚ใ‹ใ‹ใ‚ใ‚‰ใš
05:11
some small voice in my head thought,
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็งใฎ้ ญใฎใชใ‹ใฎๅฐใ•ใชๅฃฐใฏ่จ€ใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
05:14
"Wow. That was dramatic.
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ใ€Œใ‚ใ‚‰ ไปŠใฎใฏใƒ‰ใƒฉใƒžใƒใƒƒใ‚ฏใ ใฃใŸใ‚ใญ
05:16
I must really be doing this love thing right."
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็ง ่ถ…ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฃใฝใ„ใ“ใจใ‚’ใ—ใฆใ‚‹ใ‹ใ‚‚ใ€
05:19
(Laughter)
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(็ฌ‘)
05:21
Because some part of me wanted to feel miserable in love.
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ๅฟƒใฎใฉใ“ใ‹ใง ็งใฏๆ‹ๆ„›ใง ใฟใ˜ใ‚ใชๆ€ใ„ใ‚’ใ—ใŸใ‹ใฃใŸใ‚“ใงใ™
05:26
And it sounds so strange to me now, but at 22,
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ไปŠใฎ็งใซใฏใจใฆใ‚‚ๅฅ‡ๅฆ™ใซ่žใ“ใˆใพใ™ใŒ 22ๆญณๅฝ“ๆ™‚ใฏ
05:29
I longed to have dramatic experiences,
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ใƒ‰ใƒฉใƒžใƒใƒƒใ‚ฏใช็ตŒ้จ“ใซๆ†งใ‚Œ
05:32
and in that moment, I was irrational and furious and devastated,
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ใ‚ใฎ็žฌ้–“ ็งใฏ็†ๆ€งใชใ ๆฟ€ๆ˜‚ใ— ้€”ๆ–นใซๆšฎใ‚Œใฆใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
ใใ—ใฆๅฅ‡ๅฆ™ใชใ“ใจใซ
05:38
and weirdly enough,
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05:39
I thought that this somehow legitimized the feelings I had
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ใใฎใ“ใจใŒ ใฉใ†ใ„ใ†ใ‚ใ‘ใ‹ ็งใ‚’็ฝฎใๅŽปใ‚Šใซใ—ใŸๅฝผใซๅฏพใ™ใ‚‹ๆ„Ÿๆƒ…ใ‚’
05:42
for the guy who had just left me.
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ๆญฃๅฝ“ๅŒ–ใ™ใ‚‹ใจๆ€ใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
็งใฏ ๅฐ‘ใ—ใ ใ‘็‹‚ๆฐ—ใ‚’ ๆ„Ÿใ˜ใŸใ‹ใฃใŸใฎใ‹ใ‚‚ใ—ใ‚Œใพใ›ใ‚“
05:46
I think on some level I wanted to feel a little bit crazy,
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05:50
because I thought that that was how love worked.
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ใชใœใชใ‚‰ ๆ‹ๆ„›ใจใฏใใ†ใ„ใ†ใ‚‚ใฎใ ใจ ๆ€ใฃใฆใ„ใŸใ‹ใ‚‰ใงใ™
ใใ‚Œใปใฉ้ฉšใใ“ใจใงใ‚‚ใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“
05:55
This really should not be surprising,
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05:56
considering that according to Wikipedia,
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ใ‚ฆใ‚ฃใ‚ญใƒšใƒ‡ใ‚ฃใ‚ขใซใ‚ˆใ‚‹ใจ ใ€Žใ‚ฏใƒฌใ‚คใ‚ธใƒผใƒปใƒฉใƒ–ใ€ใจใ„ใ†้กŒใฎ
05:59
there are eight films,
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ๆ˜ ็”ปใŒ๏ผ˜ๆœฌ
06:01
14 songs,
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ๆญŒใŒ14ๆ›ฒ
06:03
two albums and one novel with the title "Crazy Love."
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๏ผ’ๆžšใฎใ‚ขใƒซใƒใƒ ใจๅฐ่ชฌใŒ๏ผ‘ๅ†Š ๅญ˜ๅœจใ™ใ‚‹ใจใ„ใ†ใ“ใจใงใ™ใ‹ใ‚‰
06:07
About half an hour later, he came back to our room.
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30ๅˆ†ใปใฉใ—ใฆ ๅฝผใฏ้ƒจๅฑ‹ใซๆˆปใฃใฆใใพใ—ใŸ
06:10
We made up.
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็ง้”ใฏไปฒ็›ดใ‚Šใ—ใพใ—ใŸ
ๆฌกใฎไธ€้€ฑ้–“ใ‚’ๅ…ฑใซๆ—…ใ—ใฆ ใŠใŠใ‚€ใญๆฅฝใ—ใ้Žใ”ใ—ใพใ—ใŸ
06:12
We spent another mostly happy week traveling together.
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ใใ‚Œใ‹ใ‚‰ๅฎถใซๅธฐใฃใฆ
06:15
And then, when I got home,
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06:16
I thought, "That was so terrible and so great.
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ใ€Œใจใฆใ‚‚่พ›ใใฆ ใจใฆใ‚‚็ด ๆ•ตใ ใฃใŸ ใ“ใ‚ŒใŒๆœฌๅฝ“ใฎใƒญใƒžใƒณใ‚นใซ้•ใ„ใชใ„ใ€
06:21
This must be a real romance."
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ใจ ็งใฏๆ€ใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
็งใฏ ๅˆๆ‹ใฏ็‹‚ใŠใ—ใ„ใ‚‚ใฎใ ใจ ๆœŸๅพ…ใ—ใฆใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
06:25
I expected my first love to feel like madness,
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06:27
and of course, it met that expectation very well.
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ใใ—ใฆ ใ‚‚ใกใ‚ใ‚“ ๆœŸๅพ…ไปฅไธŠใจใชใฃใŸใ‚ใ‘ใงใ™
06:31
But loving someone like that --
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ใงใ‚‚ ่ชฐใ‹ใ‚’ ใใ‚“ใช้ขจใซๆ„›ใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใฏ
06:33
as if my entire well-being depended on him loving me back --
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใŒ ใฉใ†ๆ„›ใ—่ฟ”ใ—ใฆใใ‚Œใ‚‹ใ‹ใง ่‡ชๅˆ†ใŒๅนธใ›ใ‹ใŒๆฑบใพใ‚‹ใ‚ˆใ†ใง
06:37
was not very good for me
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็งใซใจใฃใฆใ‚ใพใ‚Š่‰ฏใใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸ
06:39
or for him.
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ใใ—ใฆ ๅฝผใซใจใฃใฆใ‚‚
06:41
But I suspect this experience of love is not that unusual.
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ใ—ใ‹ใ— ใ“ใ‚“ใชๆ‹ๆ„›ใฎ็ตŒ้จ“ใฏ ใใ‚Œใปใฉ็•ฐๅธธใงใฏใชใ„ๆฐ—ใŒใ—ใพใ™
็ง้”ใฎๅคšใใฏ ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฎๅˆๆœŸๆฎต้šŽใซใŠใ„ใฆ ๅฐ‘ใ€…็‹‚ๆฐ—ใ‚’ๆ„Ÿใ˜ใพใ™
06:46
Most of us do feel a bit mad in the early stages of romantic love.
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06:50
In fact, there is research to confirm that this is somewhat normal,
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ๅฎŸ้š›ใซ ใใ‚ŒใŒใ‚ใ‚‹็จ‹ๅบฆ ๆ™ฎ้€šใฎไบ‹ใงใ‚ใ‚‹ใจ ็ซ‹่จผใ—ใŸ็ ”็ฉถใŒใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ™
06:55
because, neurochemically speaking,
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็ฅž็ตŒๅŒ–ๅญฆ็š„ใซใฏ
06:57
romantic love and mental illness are not that easily distinguished.
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใจๅฟƒใฎ็—…ใฏ ใใ†็ฐกๅ˜ใซๅŒบๅˆฅใงใใชใ„ใจใ„ใ†ใฎใงใ™
ๆœฌๅฝ“ใงใ™
07:03
This is true.
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07:04
This study from 1999 used blood tests
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่ก€ๆถฒๆคœๆŸปใ‚’็”จใ„ใŸ1999ๅนดใฎ็ ”็ฉถใงใฏ
07:08
to confirm that the serotonin levels of the newly in love
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ๆ‹ๆ„›้–ขไฟ‚ใฎๅˆๆœŸๆฎต้šŽใซใ„ใ‚‹ไบบใฎ ใ‚ปใƒญใƒˆใƒ‹ใƒณใฎๆ•ฐๅ€คใฏ
07:11
very closely resembled the serotonin levels
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ๅผท่ฟซๆ€ง้šœๅฎณใฎ่จบๆ–ญใ‚’ๅ—ใ‘ใŸไบบ้”ใฎ ใ‚ปใƒญใƒˆใƒ‹ใƒณใฎๆ•ฐๅ€คใจ
07:14
of people who had been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
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ๅคงๅค‰ไผผ้€šใฃใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใ‚’็ขบ่ชใ—ใพใ—ใŸ
(็ฌ‘)
07:18
(Laughter)
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ใใ‚Œใซ ใ‚ปใƒญใƒˆใƒ‹ใƒณใŒๅฐ‘ใชใ„ใ“ใจใฏ
07:19
Yes, and low levels of serotonin
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07:21
are also associated with seasonal affective disorder
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ๅญฃ็ฏ€ๆ€งๆƒ…ๅ‹•้šœๅฎณใ‚„้ฌฑ็—…ใจใ‚‚
07:25
and depression.
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้–ขไฟ‚ใ—ใฆใ„ใพใ™
07:27
So there is some evidence
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ใคใพใ‚Š ๆ‹ๆ„›ใŒ
07:29
that love is associated with changes to our moods and our behaviors.
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็ง้”ใฎๆฐ—ๅˆ†ใ‚„่กŒๅ‹•ใฎๅค‰ๅŒ–ใซ็ตใณใคใ„ใฆใ„ใ‚‹ ใจใ„ใ†่จผๆ‹ ใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ใฎใงใ™
07:34
And there are other studies to confirm
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ใพใŸ ใปใจใ‚“ใฉใฎๆ‹ๆ„›้–ขไฟ‚ใŒ ใ“ใฎใ‚ˆใ†ใซๅง‹ใพใ‚‹ใ“ใจใ‚’
07:38
that most relationships begin this way.
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็ขบ่จผใ™ใ‚‹็ ”็ฉถใฏไป–ใซใ‚‚ใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ™
07:42
Researchers believe that the low levels of serotonin
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็ ”็ฉถ่€…้”ใฏ ใ‚ปใƒญใƒˆใƒ‹ใƒณใŒๅฐ‘ใชใใชใ‚‹ใ“ใจใฏ
07:46
is correlated with obsessive thinking about the object of love,
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ๆ„›ใฎๅฏพ่ฑกใซๅ‘ใ‘ใ‚‹่„…่ฟซ่ฆณๅฟตใจ ็›ธไบ’ใซ้–ขไฟ‚ใ—ใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใจ็ขบไฟกใ—ใฆใ„ใพใ™
07:50
which is like this feeling that someone has set up camp in your brain.
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ใใ‚Œใฏ ่ชฐใ‹ใŒใ‚ใชใŸใฎ้ ญใฎไธญใซ ๅฑ…ใคใ„ใฆใ—ใพใฃใŸใ‚ˆใ†ใช ใ‚ใฎๆ„Ÿ่ฆšใงใ™
07:54
And most of us feel this way when we first fall in love.
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ใใ—ใฆ ็ง้”ใฎๅคšใใฏๆ‹ใซ่ฝใกใ‚‹ใจ ใพใš ใใฎใ‚ˆใ†ใซๆ„Ÿใ˜ใพใ™
07:57
But the good news is, it doesn't always last that long --
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ใ—ใ‹ใ— ๅนธใ„ใชใ“ใจใซ ใใฎๆ„Ÿใ˜ใฏ้•ทใใฏ็ถšใใพใ›ใ‚“
้€šๅธธใฏๆ•ฐใ‹ๆœˆใ‹ใ‚‰๏ผ’ๅนดใงใ™
08:01
usually from a few months to a couple of years.
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08:05
When I got back from my trip to South America,
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ๅ—็ฑณๆ—…่กŒใ‹ใ‚‰ๆˆปใฃใŸๅพŒ
08:08
I spent a lot of time alone in my room,
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็งใฏ่‡ชๅˆ†ใฎ้ƒจๅฑ‹ใง ๅคšใใฎๆ™‚้–“ใ‚’ ใฒใจใ‚Šใง้Žใ”ใ—ใพใ—ใŸ
08:11
checking my email,
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ใƒกใƒผใƒซใฎใƒใ‚งใƒƒใ‚ฏใฐใ‹ใ‚Šใ—ใฆ
ๆ„›ใ™ใ‚‹ๅฝผใ‹ใ‚‰ใฎ้€ฃ็ตกใ‚’ ๅพ…ใกใ‚ใณใฆใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
08:13
desperate to hear from the guy I loved.
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08:16
I decided that if my friends could not understand my grievous affliction,
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ๅ‹้”ใŒ ็งใฎๆ‚ฒ็—›ใช่‹ฆๆ‚ฉใ‚’ ็†่งฃใงใใชใ„ใชใ‚‰ใฐ
08:21
then I did not need their friendship.
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ๅ‹ๆƒ…ใฏใ„ใ‚‰ใชใ„ใจๅผทใๆ€ใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
08:23
So I stopped hanging out with most of them.
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ใใ‚Œใง ๆฎ†ใฉใฎๅ‹้”ใจ ้Šใฐใชใใชใ‚Šใพใ—ใŸ
08:26
And it was probably the most unhappy year of my life.
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็งใฎไบบ็”ŸใซใŠใ„ใฆ ใŠใใ‚‰ใ ๆœ€ใ‚‚ไธๅนธใชไธ€ๅนดใ ใฃใŸใ‹ใ‚‚ใ—ใ‚Œใพใ›ใ‚“
ใ—ใ‹ใ— ็งใฏๆƒจใ‚ใชๆ€ใ„ใ‚’ใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใŒ ไฝฟๅ‘ฝใงใ‚ใ‚‹ใ‚ˆใ†ใซๆ„Ÿใ˜ใฆใ„ใŸใจๆ€ใ„ใพใ™
08:31
But I think I felt like it was my job to be miserable,
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08:35
because if I could be miserable,
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ใชใœใชใ‚‰ ็งใŒๆƒจใ‚ใซใชใ‚‹ใ“ใจใง
08:37
then I would prove how much I loved him.
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ๅฝผใธใฎๆ„›ใฎๆทฑใ•ใ‚’ ่จผๆ˜Žใงใใ‚‹ใจๆ€ใฃใŸใ‹ใ‚‰ใงใ™
08:40
And if I could prove it,
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ใใ—ใฆๆ„›ใ‚’่จผๆ˜ŽใงใใŸใชใ‚‰
08:42
then we would have to end up together eventually.
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็ง้”ใฏใ‚†ใใ‚†ใใฏไธ€็ท’ใซใชใ‚Œใ‚‹ใซ้•ใ„ใชใ„ ใจๆ€ใฃใŸใฎใงใ™
ใ“ใ‚Œใ“ใ ๆœฌๅฝ“ใฎ็‹‚ๆฐ—ใงใ™
08:46
This is the real madness,
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่‹ฆใ—ใ‚“ใ ใ ใ‘ๅ ฑใ‚ใ‚Œใ‚‹
08:48
because there is no cosmic rule
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08:50
that says that great suffering equals great reward,
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ใจใ„ใ†ใ‚ˆใ†ใช ๅฎ‡ๅฎ™ใฎๆณ•ๅ‰‡ใชใฉ ๅญ˜ๅœจใ—ใชใ„ใ‹ใ‚‰ใงใ™
08:54
but we talk about love as if this is true.
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ใ—ใ‹ใ— ็ง้”ใฏ ใใ‚“ใชๆณ•ๅ‰‡ใŒ ๅฎŸๅœจใ™ใ‚‹ใ‹ใฎใ‚ˆใ†ใซๆ‹ๆ„›ใ‚’่ชžใ‚Šใพใ™
08:59
Our experiences of love are both biological and cultural.
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฎ็ตŒ้จ“ใฏ ๆœฌ่ƒฝ็š„ใงใ‚ใ‚Š ๆ–‡ๅŒ–็š„ใงใ‚‚ใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ™
09:03
Our biology tells us that love is good
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็ง้”ใฎๆœฌ่ƒฝใฏ
09:06
by activating these reward circuits in our brain,
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่„ณๅ†…ใฎๅ ฑ้…ฌๅ›ž่ทฏใ‚’่ตทๅ‹•ใ•ใ›ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใง ๆ‹ๆ„›ใจใฏ่‰ฏใ„ใ‚‚ใฎใ  ใจๆ•™ใˆใฆใใ‚Œ
09:09
and it tells us that love is painful when, after a fight or a breakup,
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ใพใŸ ็ฅž็ตŒๅŒ–ๅญฆ็š„ใชๅ ฑ้…ฌใŒใชใใชใ‚‹ ๅ–งๅ˜ฉใ‚„็ ดๅฑ€ใฎๅพŒใงใฏ
ๆ‹ๆ„›ใจใฏ่พ›ใ„ใ‚‚ใฎใ  ใจๆ•™ใˆใฆใใ‚Œใพใ™
09:14
that neurochemical reward is withdrawn.
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ๅฎŸ้š›ใซ ็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใ”ๅญ˜็Ÿฅใ‹ใ‚‚ใ—ใ‚Œใพใ›ใ‚“ใŒ
09:17
And in fact -- and maybe you've heard this --
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09:19
neurochemically speaking,
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็ฅž็ตŒๅŒ–ๅญฆ็š„ใซ่จ€ใ„ใพใ™ใจ
09:21
going through a breakup is a lot like going through cocaine withdrawal,
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็ ดๅฑ€ใ‚’็ตŒ้จ“ใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใฏ ใ‚ณใ‚ซใ‚คใƒณใฎ ้›ข่„ฑ็—‡็Šถใฎ็ตŒ้จ“ใจ ใ‚ˆใไผผใฆใ„ใพใ™
09:25
which I find reassuring.
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ๅฟƒๅผทใ„ใงใ™ใญ
09:27
(Laughter)
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(็ฌ‘)
ใใฎไธŠ ็ง้”ใฎๆ–‡ๅŒ–ใฏ ่จ€่ชžใ‚’้€šใ—ใฆ
09:29
And then our culture uses language
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09:31
to shape and reinforce these ideas about love.
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฎๆฆ‚ๅฟตใ‚’ๅฝขใซใ— ใใ‚Œใ‚’ๅฎš็€ใ•ใ›ใฆใ„ใพใ™
09:34
In this case, we're talking about metaphors about pain
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ใ“ใฎๅ ดๅˆใง่จ€ใ†ใชใ‚‰ ็—›ใฟใ‚„ไพๅญ˜ใ€็‹‚ๆฐ—ใจใ„ใฃใŸโ€•
09:37
and addiction and madness.
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ใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใ‚’็”จใ„ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใงใ™
09:39
It's kind of an interesting feedback loop.
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ใใ‚Œใฏ่ˆˆๅ‘ณๆทฑใ„ ๅๅฟœใฎๅพช็’ฐใซใชใฃใฆใ„ใพใ™
09:42
Love is powerful and at times painful,
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฏๅผทๅŠ›ใง ๆ™‚ใซใฏ่พ›ใ„ใ‚‚ใฎใงใ‚ใ‚‹ใจ
09:45
and we express this in our words and stories,
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็ง้”ใฏ่จ€่‘‰ใ‚„็‰ฉ่ชžใง่กจ็พใ—ใพใ™ใŒ
09:49
but then our words and stories prime us
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ใใ†ใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใง ็ง้”ใฏ
09:51
to expect love to be powerful and painful.
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฏๅผทๅŠ›ใง่พ›ใ„ใ‚‚ใฎใ ใจใ„ใ†ใ“ใจใ‚’ ๆคใˆไป˜ใ‘ใ‚‰ใ‚Œใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใฎใงใ™
09:55
What's interesting to me is that all of this happens
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็งใŒ่ˆˆๅ‘ณๆทฑใ„ใจๆ€ใ†ใฎใฏ ใ“ใฎใ“ใจๅ…จใฆใŒ่ตทใ“ใฃใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใฎใŒ
ไธ€็”Ÿ ไธ€ไบบใฎไบบใจๆทปใ„้‚ใ’ใ‚‹ใฎใ‚’ ่‰ฏใ—ใจใ™ใ‚‹ๆ–‡ๅŒ–ใงใ ใ‹ใ‚‰ใงใ™
09:59
in a culture that values lifelong monogamy.
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10:02
It seems like we want it both ways:
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็ง้”ใฏไธกๆ–นใ‚’ๆœ›ใ‚“ใงใ„ใ‚‹ใ‚ˆใ†ใงใ™
10:04
we want love to feel like madness,
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็‹‚ๆฐ—ใ‚’ๆ„Ÿใ˜ใ‚‹ใ‚ˆใ†ใชๆ„›ใ‚’ๆฑ‚ใ‚ใคใค
10:07
and we want it to last an entire lifetime.
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็”Ÿๆถฏใซใ‚ใŸใฃใฆ้•ท็ถšใใ—ใฆใปใ—ใ„ใฎใงใ™
10:11
That sounds terrible.
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ใฒใฉใ„่ฉฑใงใ™
๏ผˆ็ฌ‘๏ผ‰
10:13
(Laughter)
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10:15
To reconcile this,
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ใ“ใ‚Œใ‚’่งฃๆฑบใ™ใ‚‹ใซใฏ
10:17
we need to either change our culture or change our expectations.
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็ง้”ใฎๆ–‡ๅŒ–ใ‚’ๅค‰ใˆใ‚‹ใ‹ ๆœŸๅพ…ใ‚’ๅค‰ใˆใ‚‹ๅฟ…่ฆใŒใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ™
10:23
So, imagine if we were all less passive in love.
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็š†ใ•ใ‚“ใŒ ๆ‹ๆ„›ใซๅ—ใ‘่บซใงใชใใชใฃใŸใ‚‰ ใจๆƒณๅƒใ—ใฆใฟใพใ—ใ‚‡ใ†
10:27
If we were more assertive, more open-minded, more generous
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็ง้”ใŒใ‚‚ใฃใจ็ฉๆฅต็š„ใซใชใ‚Š ๅ่ฆ‹ใ‚’็„กใใ— ๅฏ›ๅคงใซใชใฃใŸใจใ—ใŸใ‚‰
10:31
and instead of falling in love,
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ๆ‹ใซใ€Œ่ฝใกใ‚‹ใ€ไปฃใ‚ใ‚Šใซ
ๆ‹ใซใ€Œ่ธใฟๅ‡บใ›ใ‚‹ใ€ใฎใงใ™
10:35
we stepped into love.
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10:38
I know that this is asking a lot,
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้›ฃใ—ใ„ๆๆกˆใงใ™ใŒ
ๅฎŸใฏ ็งใฎๅ‰ใซใ‚‚ ใ“ใฎๆๆกˆใ‚’ใ—ใŸไบบใŒใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
10:40
but I'm not actually the first person to suggest this.
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ใ€Žใƒฌใƒˆใƒชใƒƒใ‚ฏใจไบบ็”Ÿใ€ใจใ„ใ†่‘—ไฝœใง
10:45
In their book, "Metaphors We Live By,"
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10:47
linguists Mark Johnson and George Lakoff suggest a really interesting solution
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่จ€่ชžๅญฆ่€…ใฎใƒžใƒผใ‚ฏใƒปใ‚ธใƒงใƒณใ‚ฝใƒณใจ ใ‚ธใƒงใƒผใ‚ธใƒปใƒฌใ‚คใ‚ณใƒ•ใฏใ“ใฎใ‚ธใƒฌใƒณใƒžใซๅฏพใ™ใ‚‹
10:52
to this dilemma,
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้ข็™ฝใ„่งฃๆฑบ็ญ–ใ‚’ๆ็คบใ—ใพใ™
10:54
which is to change our metaphors.
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ใใ‚Œใฏ ใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใ‚’ๅค‰ใˆใ‚‹ใ“ใจใงใ™
10:57
They argue that metaphors really do shape the way we experience the world,
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ๅฝผใ‚‰ใฏ ใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใซใ‚ˆใฃใฆ ็‰ฉไบ‹ใฎ็ตŒ้จ“ใฎไป•ๆ–นใŒๆฑบใพใ‚Š
ๆœชๆฅใฎ่กŒๅ‹•ใ‚’ๅฐŽใใ•ใˆใ™ใ‚‹ ใจไธปๅผตใ—ใฆใ„ใพใ™
11:03
and that they can even act as a guide for future actions,
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11:06
like self-fulfilling prophecies.
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ไบˆ่จ€ใฎ่‡ชๅทฑๆˆๅฐฑใฎใ‚ˆใ†ใซ
11:09
Johnson and Lakoff suggest a new metaphor for love:
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ใ‚ธใƒงใƒณใ‚ฝใƒณใจใƒฌใ‚คใ‚ณใƒ•ใฏๆ‹ๆ„›ใซใคใ„ใฆใฎ ๆ–ฐใ—ใ„ใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใ‚’ๆๆกˆใ—ใฆใ„ใพใ™
11:13
love as a collaborative work of art.
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ๅ…ฑๅŒใฎ่Šธ่ก“ไฝœๅ“ใจใ—ใฆใฎๆ‹ๆ„›ใงใ™
11:16
I really like this way of thinking about love.
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็งใฏๆ‹ๆ„›ใซใคใ„ใฆใฎ ใ“ใฎ่€ƒใˆๆ–นใ‚’ ๅคงๅค‰ๆฐ—ใซๅ…ฅใฃใฆใ„ใพใ™
่จ€่ชžๅญฆ่€…ใฏ ใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใ‚’ ๅซๆ„ใŒใ‚ใ‚‹ใ‚‚ใฎใจใ—ใฆใ„ใพใ™
11:21
Linguists talk about metaphors as having entailments,
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11:24
which is essentially a way of considering all the implications of,
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ใใ‚ŒใŒ ใ‚ใ‚‹ใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใซๅซใพใ‚Œใ‚‹ๅซๆ„ ใคใพใ‚Š ๅ†…ๅŒ…ใ•ใ‚Œใ‚‹ๆฆ‚ๅฟตใ‚’่€ƒใˆใ‚‹ใƒผ
11:28
or ideas contained within, a given metaphor.
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ๆœฌ่ณช็š„ใชๆ–นๆณ•ใชใฎใงใ™
11:31
And Johnson and Lakoff talk about everything
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ใ‚ธใƒงใƒณใ‚ฝใƒณใจใƒฌใ‚คใ‚ณใƒ•ใฏ ่Šธ่ก“ไฝœๅ“ใ‚’ๅ…ฑๅŒๅˆถไฝœใ™ใ‚‹ใŸใ‚ใซ
11:34
that collaborating on a work of art entails:
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ๅฟ…่ฆใจใ•ใ‚Œใ‚‹ใ‚‚ใฎๅ…จใฆใ‚’ๆŒ™ใ’ใฆใ„ใพใ™
11:36
effort, compromise, patience, shared goals.
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ๅŠชๅŠ›ใ€ๅฆฅๅ”ใ€ๅฟ่€ใ€ๅ…ฑ้€šใฎ็›ฎๆจ™ใงใ™
11:41
These ideas align nicely with our cultural investment
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ใ“ใฎ่€ƒใˆใฏ ็ง้”ใฎๆ–‡ๅŒ–ใง ๆ„›ใ‚’่ช“ใฃใŸๆœซๆฐธใ„้–ขไฟ‚ใ‚’
11:45
in long-term romantic commitment,
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่‚ฒใ‚‚ใ†ใจใ—ใฆใ„ใ‚‹ใฎใจ ่ถณไธฆใฟใŒใใ‚ใฃใฆใŠใ‚Š
11:47
but they also work well for other kinds of relationships --
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ใใฎไป–ๆง˜ใ€…ใช้–ขไฟ‚ใซใŠใ„ใฆใ‚‚ ใ†ใพใใ„ใใพใ™
็Ÿญใ„ไบค้š›ใ€ใ‚ซใ‚ธใƒฅใ‚ขใƒซใช้–ขไฟ‚ ๅคš่‚กไบค้š›ใ€้‡ๅฉšใ€็„กๆ€งๆ„›ใชใฉ
11:52
short-term, casual, polyamorous, non-monogamous, asexual --
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11:57
because this metaphor brings much more complex ideas
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ใชใœใชใ‚‰ใ“ใฎใƒกใ‚ฟใƒ•ใ‚กใƒผใฏ ่ชฐใ‹ใ‚’ๆ„›ใ™ใ‚‹็ตŒ้จ“ใซ
12:01
to the experience of loving someone.
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ๆ›ดใซ่ค‡้›‘ใชๆฆ‚ๅฟตใ‚’ใ‚‚ใŸใ‚‰ใ™ใ‹ใ‚‰ใงใ™
12:04
So if love is a collaborative work of art,
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ใ•ใฆ ใ‚‚ใ—ๆ„›ใŒๅ…ฑๅŒใฎ่Šธ่ก“ไฝœๅ“ใงใ‚ใ‚‹ใชใ‚‰ใฐ
ๆ‹ๆ„›ใจใฏ็พŽ็š„็ตŒ้จ“ใงใ™
12:09
then love is an aesthetic experience.
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12:13
Love is unpredictable,
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฏไบˆๆธฌใงใใพใ›ใ‚“
ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฏๅ‰ต้€ ็š„ใงใ™
12:16
love is creative,
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12:18
love requires communication and discipline,
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฏใ‚ณใƒŸใƒฅใƒ‹ใ‚ฑใƒผใ‚ทใƒงใƒณใจ ่‡ชๅˆถๅฟƒใ‚’ๅฟ…่ฆใจใ—ใพใ™
ใใ‚Œใฏ ใ˜ใ‚ŒใฃใŸใ ็ฒพ็ฅž็š„ใซใ‚‚ ใใคใ„ใ‚‚ใฎใงใ™
12:23
it is frustrating and emotionally demanding.
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12:26
And love involves both joy and pain.
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ใคใพใ‚Š ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฏๅ–œใณใจ่‹ฆ็—›ใฎไธกๆ–นใ‚’ ไผดใ†ใฎใงใ™
12:30
Ultimately, each experience of love is different.
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็ตๅฑ€ ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฎ็ตŒ้จ“ใฏ ใฉใ‚Œใ‚‚้•ใ†ใฎใงใ™
12:35
When I was younger,
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็งใŒ่‹ฅใ„้ ƒใฏ
12:37
it never occurred to me that I was allowed to demand more from love,
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใซๅคšใใ‚’ๆœ›ใ‚€ใ“ใจใŒ่จฑใ•ใ‚Œใ‚‹ใจใฏ ๅ…จใๆ€ใ„ใ‚‚ใ—ใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸ
ๆ‹ๆ„›ใŒๅทฎใ—ๅ‡บใ—ใฆใใ‚‹ใ‚‚ใฎใฏไฝ•ใงใ‚ใ‚Œ ใŸใ ๅ—ใ‘ๅ–ใ‚‰ใชใใฆใ‚‚่‰ฏใ‹ใฃใŸใฎใงใ™
12:42
that I didn't have to just accept whatever love offered.
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12:46
When 14-year-old Juliet first meets --
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14ๆญณใฎใ‚ธใƒฅใƒชใ‚จใƒƒใƒˆใŒใƒญใƒŸใ‚ชใซๅ‡บไผšใฃใŸๆ™‚
ใ„ใˆ 14ๆญณใฎใ‚ธใƒฅใƒชใ‚จใƒƒใƒˆใŒ ๏ผ”ๆ—ฅๅ‰ใซ็Ÿฅใ‚ŠๅˆใฃใŸใƒญใƒŸใ‚ชใจ
12:50
or, when 14-year-old Juliet cannot be with Romeo,
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็ตใฐใ‚Œใชใ„ใจๅˆ†ใ‹ใฃใŸใจใ
12:54
whom she has met four days ago,
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12:56
she does not feel disappointed or angsty.
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ๅฝผๅฅณใฏๅคฑๆœ›ใ—ใŸใ‚Š ไธๅฎ‰ใซใชใฃใŸใ‚Šใ—ใพใ›ใ‚“ใงใ—ใŸ
ใฉใ†ใ ใฃใŸใ‹ใจ่จ€ใ†ใจ
13:01
Where is she?
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13:02
She wants to die.
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ๆญปใซใŸใ„ใจๆ€ใฃใฆใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
13:04
Right?
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ใงใ™ใ‚ˆใญ
13:05
And just as a refresher, at this point in the play,
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ใกใชใฟใซ ใ“ใฎๆˆฏๆ›ฒใฎใ“ใฎๆฎต้šŽใง
13:07
act three of five,
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๏ผ•ๅน•ไธญใฎ๏ผ“ๅน•็›ฎใงใ™ใŒ
13:09
Romeo is not dead.
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ใƒญใƒŸใ‚ชใฏๆญปใ‚“ใงใ„ใพใ›ใ‚“
13:11
He's alive,
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ๅฝผใฏ็”Ÿใใฆใ„ใฆ
ใƒ”ใƒณใƒ”ใƒณใ—ใฆใ„ใพใ™
13:13
he's healthy,
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13:14
he's just been banished from the city.
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ๅฝผใฏใŸใ ่ก—ใ‹ใ‚‰ๅงฟใ‚’ๆถˆใ—ใŸใ ใ‘ใงใ™
13:17
I understand that 16th-century Verona is unlike contemporary North America,
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16ไธ–็ด€ใฎใƒ™ใƒญใƒผใƒŠใฏ ็พไปฃใฎๅŒ—ใ‚ขใƒกใƒชใ‚ซใจ ไผผใฆใ‚‚ไผผใคใ‹ใชใ„ใจ็†่งฃใ—ใฆใ„ใพใ™ใŒ
13:23
and yet when I first read this play,
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ๅˆใ‚ใฆ ใ“ใฎๆˆฏๆ›ฒใ‚’่ชญใ‚“ใ ใจใ
13:26
also at age 14,
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็งใ‚‚ใพใŸ 14ๆญณใงใ—ใŸใŒ
13:29
Juliet's suffering made sense to me.
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ใ‚ธใƒฅใƒชใ‚จใƒƒใƒˆใฎ่‹ฆๆ‚ฉใฏ่…‘ใซ่ฝใกใ‚‹ใ‚‚ใฎใงใ—ใŸ
13:33
Reframing love as something I get to create with someone I admire,
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใ‚’ ็งใฎๆ„ๆ€ใซ้–ขไฟ‚ใชใ ใŸใ ่บซใซ้™ใ‚Šใ‹ใ‹ใฃใฆใใ‚‹ใ‚‚ใฎใงใฏใชใ
13:38
rather than something that just happens to me
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็งใŒๆ…•ใ†่ชฐใ‹ใจๅ…ฑใซไฝœใ‚ŠไธŠใ’ใ‚‹ใ‚‚ใฎใงใ‚ใ‚‹ใจ
่€ƒใˆ็›ดใ™ใ“ใจใฏ
13:41
without my control or consent,
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13:43
is empowering.
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ๆดปๅŠ›ใ‚’ไธŽใˆใฆใใ‚Œใพใ™
13:45
It's still hard.
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ๆ‹ๆ„›ใฏใใ‚Œใงใ‚‚ๅŽ„ไป‹ใงใ™
13:47
Love still feels totally maddening and crushing some days,
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ๅ…จใๆฐ—ใŒ็‹‚ใ„ใใ†ใซใชใฃใŸใ‚Š ๆŠผใ—ใคใถใ•ใ‚Œใใ†ใซใชใ‚‹ใ“ใจใ‚‚ใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ™
13:52
and when I feel really frustrated,
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ใจใฆใ‚‚ใ‚คใƒฉใ‚คใƒฉใ—ใฆใ—ใพใฃใŸๆ™‚ใซใฏ
ใ“ใฎ้–ขไฟ‚ใซใŠใ„ใฆ
13:55
I have to remind myself:
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13:56
my job in this relationship is to talk to my partner
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็งใŒใ™ในใใฏ ๅ…ฑใซไฝœใ‚ŠไธŠใ’ใŸใ„ใ‚‚ใฎใ‚’ ใƒ‘ใƒผใƒˆใƒŠใƒผใจ่ฉฑใ—ๅˆใ†ใ“ใจใ ใจ
14:00
about what I want to make together.
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่‡ชๅˆ†่‡ช่บซใซ่จ€ใ„่žใ‹ใ›ใชใ‘ใ‚Œใฐใชใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“
14:03
This isn't easy, either.
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ใ“ใ‚Œใ‚‚็ฐกๅ˜ใงใฏใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“
14:06
But it's just so much better than the alternative,
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ใ—ใ‹ใ— ็‹‚ๆฐ—ใ‚’ๆ„Ÿใ˜ใ‚‹ใจใ„ใ† ใ‚‚ใ†ไธ€ๆ–นใฎ่€ƒใˆๆ–นใ‚ˆใ‚Š
14:10
which is that thing that feels like madness.
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ๆ–ญ็„ถ่‰ฏใ„ใฎใงใ™
14:14
This version of love is not about winning or losing someone's affection.
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ใ“ใกใ‚‰ใฎ่งฃ้‡ˆใฎๆ‹ๆ„›ใฏ ่ชฐใ‹ใฎๆ„›ๆƒ…ใ‚’ๅพ—ใŸใ‚Š ๅคฑใฃใŸใ‚Šใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใงใฏใ‚ใ‚Šใพใ›ใ‚“
14:20
Instead, it requires that you trust your partner
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ใ“ใ“ใง ใ‚ใชใŸใŒใ™ในใใฏ ใƒ‘ใƒผใƒˆใƒŠใƒผใ‚’ไฟก้ ผใ—
14:24
and talk about things when trusting feels difficult,
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ไฟกใ˜ใ‚‹ใฎใŒๅ›ฐ้›ฃใซๆ„Ÿใ˜ใ‚‹ๆ™‚ใซ ่ฉฑใ—ๅˆใ†ใ“ใจใงใ™
14:27
which sounds so simple,
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ๅ˜็ด”ใชใ“ใจใฎใ‚ˆใ†ใงใ™ใŒ
14:29
but is actually a kind of revolutionary, radical act.
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ๅฎŸ้š›ใซใฏ้ฉๆ–ฐ็š„ใงๆ€ฅ้€ฒ็š„ใช่กŒๅ‹•ใงใ™
ใชใœใชใ‚‰ ่‡ชๅˆ†่‡ช่บซใฎใ“ใจใ‚„ ๆ‹ๆ„›้–ขไฟ‚ใง่‡ชๅˆ†ใŒไฝ•ใ‚’ๅพ—ใฆไฝ•ใ‚’ๅคฑใ†ใ‹
14:35
This is because you get to stop thinking about yourself
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14:39
and what you're gaining or losing in your relationship,
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่€ƒใˆใ‚‹ใฎใ‚’ ๆญขใ‚ใชใใฆใฏใชใ‚‰ใชใ„ใ‹ใ‚‰ใงใ™
14:42
and you get to start thinking about what you have to offer.
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็›ธๆ‰‹ใฎใŸใ‚ใซไฝ•ใŒใงใใ‚‹ใฎใ‹ ่€ƒใˆๅง‹ใ‚ใ‚‹ใฎใงใ™
14:46
This version of love allows us to say things like,
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ใ“ใกใ‚‰ใฎ่งฃ้‡ˆใฎๆ‹ๆ„›ใชใ‚‰ใฐ ใ“ใ‚“ใชใ“ใจใŒ่จ€ใˆใ‚‹ใ‚ˆใ†ใซใชใ‚Šใพใ™
14:50
"Hey, we're not very good collaborators. Maybe this isn't for us."
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ใ€Œ็ง้”ใฏ่‰ฏใ„ๅ”ๅŠ›่€…ใจใฏ่จ€ใˆใชใ„ ๅˆฅใ‚ŒใŸใปใ†ใŒใ„ใ„ใฎใ‹ใ‚‚ใ€
14:55
Or, "That relationship was shorter than I had planned,
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ใ‚ใ‚‹ใ„ใฏ ใ€Œใ“ใฎ้–ขไฟ‚ใฏๆ€ใฃใŸใ‚ˆใ‚Š็Ÿญใ‹ใฃใŸใ‘ใ‚Œใฉใ‚‚
14:59
but it was still kind of beautiful."
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ใใ‚Œใงใ‚‚็พŽใ—ใ‹ใฃใŸใจ่จ€ใˆใ‚‹ใ€
15:02
The beautiful thing about the collaborative work of art
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ๅ…ฑๅŒใฎ่Šธ่ก“ไฝœๅ“ใฎ็ด ๆ™ดใ‚‰ใ—ใ„ใจใ“ใ‚ใฏ
15:05
is that it will not paint or draw or sculpt itself.
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่‰ฒใ‚„ๆจกๆง˜ใ€ๅฝขใŒ ไธŽใˆใ‚‰ใ‚Œใ‚‹ใ‚‚ใฎใงใฏใชใ„ใ“ใจใงใ™
ใ“ใฎ่งฃ้‡ˆใฎๆ‹ๆ„›ใงใฏ ็ง้”ใŒใฉใ‚“ใชไฝœๅ“ใซใ™ใ‚‹ใ‹ๆฑบใ‚ใฆ่‰ฏใ„ใฎใงใ™
15:09
This version of love allows us to decide what it looks like.
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ใ‚ใ‚ŠใŒใจใ†ใ”ใ–ใ„ใพใ—ใŸ
15:13
Thank you.
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15:14
(Applause)
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2023
๏ผˆๆ‹ๆ‰‹๏ผ‰
ใ“ใฎใ‚ฆใ‚งใƒ–ใ‚ตใ‚คใƒˆใซใคใ„ใฆ

ใ“ใฎใ‚ตใ‚คใƒˆใงใฏ่‹ฑ่ชžๅญฆ็ฟ’ใซๅฝน็ซ‹ใคYouTubeๅ‹•็”ปใ‚’็ดนไป‹ใ—ใพใ™ใ€‚ไธ–็•Œไธญใฎไธ€ๆต่ฌ›ๅธซใซใ‚ˆใ‚‹่‹ฑ่ชžใƒฌใƒƒใ‚นใƒณใ‚’่ฆ‹ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใŒใงใใพใ™ใ€‚ๅ„ใƒ“ใƒ‡ใ‚ชใฎใƒšใƒผใ‚ธใซ่กจ็คบใ•ใ‚Œใ‚‹่‹ฑ่ชžๅญ—ๅน•ใ‚’ใƒ€ใƒ–ใƒซใ‚ฏใƒชใƒƒใ‚ฏใ™ใ‚‹ใจใ€ใใ“ใ‹ใ‚‰ใƒ“ใƒ‡ใ‚ชใ‚’ๅ†็”Ÿใ™ใ‚‹ใ“ใจใŒใงใใพใ™ใ€‚ๅญ—ๅน•ใฏใƒ“ใƒ‡ใ‚ชใฎๅ†็”ŸใจๅŒๆœŸใ—ใฆใ‚นใ‚ฏใƒญใƒผใƒซใ—ใพใ™ใ€‚ใ”ๆ„่ฆ‹ใƒปใ”่ฆๆœ›ใŒใ”ใ–ใ„ใพใ—ใŸใ‚‰ใ€ใ“ใกใ‚‰ใฎใŠๅ•ใ„ๅˆใ‚ใ›ใƒ•ใ‚ฉใƒผใƒ ใ‚ˆใ‚Šใ”้€ฃ็ตกใใ ใ•ใ„ใ€‚

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