"Three Months After" by Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz

譯者: Charlotte Chen 審譯者: Helen Chang

I'm Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz and this is "Three Months After."

我是 Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz 而這是《三個月之後》

To want to disappear is different from wanting to die.

渴望消失不等同於尋死

To disappear and to not have to explain to anyone, to talk to anyone.

只要消失了，就不用向任何人解釋

也不用交流

To move to somewhere where no one knows you,

渴望搬到一個沒人認識你的地方

where you don't have to look at a single laughing face.

一個徹底杜絕笑臉的地方

To elope with this grief

渴望帶著這無盡悲楚潛逃

who is not your enemy

它不但不是你的敵人

This grief who maybe now is your best friend.

反而更貼近你此刻的摯友

This grief who is your husband,

這悲傷扮演著你的丈夫

the thing you curl into every night, falling asleep in its arms.

是你每晚枕在它手臂上 尋求慰藉的對象

Who wakes up early to make you your cold thankless breakfast.

是它每朝早起為你準備淒涼的早餐

To go to that place where every surface is a blade.

渴望前往那荊棘遍野的地方

A sharp thing on which to hang your sorry flesh

讓那尖銳如刀刃般的東西 貫穿你可悲的身軀

to feel something,

為的就是能體會到不一樣地對待

anything,

什麼樣的都行

other than this.

除了現在這種