Chris Abani on the stories of Africa

譯者: Adrienne Lin 審譯者: Sunshine Wang

My search is always to find ways to chronicle,

我一直尋找以編年的方式

to share and to document stories about people, just everyday people.

來分享、紀錄關於人們的故事

Stories that offer transformation, that lean into transcendence,

關於轉變、自我超越的故事

but that are never sentimental,

這些故事從不感傷

that never look away from the darkest things about us.

從不逃避自我的黑暗面

Because I really believe that we're never more beautiful

因為我相信我們最醜陋的時候

than when we're most ugly.

才是最美麗的時候

Because that's really the moment we really know what we're made of.

因為只有那一刻，我們才會了解真正的自己

As Chris said, I grew up in Nigeria

我在奈及利亞長大

with a whole generation -- in the '80s --

我的世代，80年代

of students who were protesting a military dictatorship, which has finally ended.

每個學生都參予軍政獨裁的抗爭，所幸現在結束了

So it wasn't just me, there was a whole generation of us.

所以不只有我，而是全部的人

But what I've come to learn

我所學到的

is that the world is never saved in grand messianic gestures,

是這個世界不會因為有救世主而改變

but in the simple accumulation of gentle, soft, almost invisible acts of compassion,

而是簡單的溫柔，每天可以看到的無形的悲憫

everyday acts of compassion.

能拯救世界

In South Africa, they have a phrase called Ubuntu.

在南非，有個詞叫 ubuntu

Ubuntu comes out of a philosophy that says,

ubuntu的意思大概是

the only way for me to be human is for you to reflect

展現人性的唯一方式，只有當別人的行為

my humanity back at me.

反映在你身上的時候

But if you're like me, my humanity is more like a window.

對我來說，我的人性像一扇窗

I don't really see it, I don't pay attention to it

我看不見它，也不特別注意

until there's, you know, like a bug that's dead on the window.

除非窗戶上停了一隻蟲的時候

Then suddenly I see it, and usually, it's never good.

那時候才看的見，通常也是不妙的時候

It's usually when I'm cussing in traffic

通常是當我卡在車陣裡

at someone who is trying to drive their car and drink coffee

看著別人開著車、喝咖啡

and send emails and make notes.

寄電子郵件、寫東西

So what Ubuntu really says

ubuntu 真正的意思是

is that there is no way for us to be human without other people.

沒有別人的存在是無法展現人性的

It's really very simple, but really very complicated.

聽起來簡單又複雜

So, I thought I should start with some stories.

我用故事來說

I should tell you some stories about remarkable people,

一些動人的故事

so I thought I'd start with my mother.

先從我母親講起

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And she was dark, too.

她也很黑

My mother was English.

我媽媽是英國人

My parents met in Oxford in the '50s,

我的父母在50年代相識

and my mother moved to Nigeria and lived there.

之後我媽搬到奈及利亞住

She was five foot two, very feisty and very English.

她大概158公分，脾氣火爆，非常的英國

This is how English my mother is -- or was, she just passed.

她有多英國呢

She came out to California, to Los Angeles, to visit me,

有次她到洛杉磯來看我

and we went to Malibu, which she thought was very disappointing.

我們去馬里布，她對那裡很失望

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And then we went to a fish restaurant,

我們到了一家海鮮餐廳

and we had Chad, the surfer dude, serving us,

服務生是個衝浪手，叫Chad

and he came up and my mother said,

我媽就問他

"Do you have any specials, young man?"

『小夥子，你們有什麼特餐』

And Chad says, "Sure, like, we have this, like, salmon,

Chad回答：『當然，就有那個鮭魚』

that's, like, rolled in this, like, wasabi, like, crust.

『還有那個哇沙米，把他那個捲起來』

It's totally rad."

『超屌』

And my mother turned to me and said,

我媽就問我

"What language is he speaking?"

『他說的是什麼鬼話』

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I said, "English, mum."

我說：「是英文，媽」

And she shook her head and said,

她搖了搖頭，說

"Oh, these Americans. We gave them a language,

「這些美國人，我們給了它們一個好好的語言」

why don't they use it?"

「為什麼還不用呢」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So, this woman, who converted from the Church of England

這個女人，在嫁給我爸的時候

to Catholicism when she married my father --

從英國國教轉信天主教

and there's no one more rabid than a Catholic convert --

沒有人比這些後來轉信天主教的人更激進了

decided to teach in the rural areas in Nigeria,

她決定到奈及利亞鄉下教書

particularly among Igbo women,

特別是教伊博女人

the Billings ovulation method,

算排卵期來節育

which was the only approved birth control by the Catholic Church.

是天主教堂唯一同意的節育方式

But her Igbo wasn't too good.

但她的伊博語不太好

So she took me along to translate.

所以她帶著我去當翻譯

I was seven.

我才七歲

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So, here are these women,

這些女人

who never discuss their period with their husbands,

從沒跟自己丈夫討論過生理期

and here I am telling them, "Well, how often do you get your period?"

然後我還得問她們：「妳生理期多久一次」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And, "Do you notice any discharges?"

「有沒有注意到什麼分泌物」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And, "How swollen is your vulva?"

「陰部有多腫」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

She never would have thought of herself as a feminist,

我媽從不認為自己是女性主義者

my mother, but she always used to say,

但她常說

"Anything a man can do, I can fix."

「男人能"做"的，我都能"補"」

(Applause)

(掌聲)

And when my father complained about this situation,

我爸跟她抱怨過

where she's taking a seven-year-old boy

她怎麼帶著七歲的兒子

to teach this birth control, you know,

去教節育的這件事

he used to say, "Oh, you're turning him into --

他會說：「喔，妳快把他」

you're teaching him how to be a woman."

「教成女人了」

My mother said, "Someone has to."

我媽會說：「總要有人犧牲」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

This woman -- during the Biafran war,

在內戰期間

we were caught in the war.

我們都捲入戰爭中

It was my mother with five little children.

我媽帶著五個小孩

It takes her one year, through refugee camp after refugee camp,

一個難民營逃到另一個，一年的時間

to make her way to an airstrip where we can fly out of the country.

她逃到一個可以讓我們出國的機場

At every single refugee camp, she has to face off soldiers

每個難民營，她都要面對士兵

who want to take my elder brother Mark, who was nine,

因為他們想抓我九歲的哥哥Mark

and make him a boy soldier.

去當童兵

Can you imagine this five-foot-two woman,

你能想想這個158公分的小婦人

standing up to men with guns who want to kill us?

對抗著想殺我們的士兵嗎

All through that one year,

那一整年

my mother never cried one time, not once.

我媽一滴眼淚都沒滴過

But when we were in Lisbon, in the airport,

但當我們到了Lisbon機場

about to fly to England,

要飛往倫敦時

this woman saw my mother wearing this dress,

有個女人看到我媽

which had been washed so many times it was basically see through,

穿著洗到快透明的裙子

with five really hungry-looking kids,

帶著五個飢餓的孩子

came over and asked her what had happened.

她就走過來關心

And she told this woman.

我媽告訴她事情經過

And so this woman emptied out her suitcase

之後這女人把她的行李打開

and gave all of her clothes to my mother, and to us,

把全部的衣服給了我們

and the toys of her kids, who didn't like that very much, but --

還有她孩子的玩具，他們可不怎麼高興

(Laughter) --

(笑聲)

that was the only time she cried.

就在那時我媽就哭了

And I remember years later, I was writing about my mother,

幾年後，我因為寫書問起我媽這件事

and I asked her, "Why did you cry then?"

我問她：「妳當時為什麼哭」

And she said, "You know, you can steel your heart

她說：「面對恐懼、困難」

against any kind of trouble, any kind of horror.

「可以」

But the simple act of kindness from a complete stranger

「但面對陌生人簡單的關心」

will unstitch you."

「卻能融化你」

The old women in my father's village, after this war had happened,

我父親村莊的老婦人，戰爭的時候

memorized the names of every dead person,

都會記住所有逝去的名字

and they would sing these dirges, made up of these names.

他們會用這些名字編成輓歌

Dirges so melancholic that they would scorch you.

這些輓歌難過到會灼傷你

And they would sing them only when they planted the rice,

他們種植稻米時，會唱著輓歌

as though they were seeding the hearts of the dead

彷彿將逝去的人們，連同稻米一起

into the rice.

種植下去

But when it came for harvest time,

當收成的時候

they would sing these joyful songs,

他們會唱著歡樂曲

that were made up of the names of every child

用當年新生兒名字

who had been born that year.

編成的歡樂曲

And then the next planting season, when they sang the dirge,

直到下一年種植的時候，唱著輓歌時

they would remove as many names of the dead

編出來的死者名字

that equaled as many people that were born.

會扣掉當年出生的新生兒數目

And in this way, these women enacted a lot of transformation,

這樣一來，這些女人展現了轉變

beautiful transformation.

美麗的轉變

Did you know, that before the genocide in Rwanda,

你們知道，在盧安達大屠殺前

the word for rape and the word for marriage

強姦這個字，和婚姻

was the same one?

是同一個嗎？

But today, women are rebuilding Rwanda.

今天的盧安達由女人重建

Did you also know that after apartheid,

你們知道種族隔離過後

when the new government went into the parliament houses,

新政府進議會時

there were no female toilets in the building?

是沒有女用廁所的

Which would seem to suggest that apartheid

表示種族隔離

was entirely the business of men.

完全是男人的事

All of this to say, that despite the horror, and despite the death,

這些例子看出，不管恐懼與死亡

women are never really counted.

女人從不被看在眼裡

Their humanity never seems to matter very much to us.

他們的人性不被在乎

When I was growing up in Nigeria --

當我在奈及利亞長大

and I shouldn't say Nigeria, because that's too general,

不該說奈及利亞，太廣泛了

but in Afikpo, the Igbo part of the country where I'm from --

在Urhobo，我長大的地方

there were always rites of passage for young men.

有成年儀式

Men were taught to be men in the ways in which we are not women,

教導我們成為男人的方式，就是不要成為女人

that's essentially what it is.

本質就是如此

And a lot of rituals involved killing, killing little animals,

這些儀式必須殺動物

progressing along, so when I turned 13 --

13歲那年輪到我了

and, I mean, it made sense, it was an agrarian community,

其實儀式正常，因為我們是農業社會

somebody had to kill the animals,

殺動物是必須的

there was no Whole Foods you could go and get kangaroo steak at --

因為沒有批發店賣袋鼠肉之類的

so when I turned 13, it was my turn now to kill a goat.

所以我13歲時，輪到我要殺一隻羊

And I was this weird, sensitive kid, who couldn't really do it,

我是個很怪、個性敏感的孩子，這種事我做不到

but I had to do it.

但不得不做

And I was supposed to do this alone.

本來是要自己來的

But a friend of mine, called Emmanuel,

但我的朋友Emmanuel

who was significantly older than me,

比我大好幾歲

who'd been a boy soldier during the Biafran war,

在內戰時當過童兵

decided to come with me.

決定陪我

Which sort of made me feel good,

我放心很多

because he'd seen a lot of things.

因為他經歷過大風大浪

Now, when I was growing up, he used to tell me

小時候他會跟我講

stories about how he used to bayonet people,

他用刺刀殺人

and their intestines would fall out, but they would keep running.

他們的腸子會掉下來，但還是繼續跑之類的事

So, this guy comes with me.

所以他陪著我

And I don't know if you've ever heard a goat, or seen one --

不知道各位有沒有看過羊、聽過他們的叫聲？

they sound like human beings,

聽起來很像人類

that's why we call tragedies "a song of a goat."

所以我們形容悲劇叫"羊的歌聲"

My friend Brad Kessler says that we didn't become human

我朋友Brad Kessler說，我們開始養羊的時候

until we started keeping goats.

我們才是個人

Anyway, a goat's eyes are like a child's eyes.

總之，羊的眼睛很像小孩的眼睛

So when I tried to kill this goat and I couldn't,

我試著殺它，但下不了手

Emmanuel bent down, he puts his hand over the mouth of the goat,

Emmanuel 蹲下，用手遮住羊的眼睛

covers its eyes, so I don't have to look into them,

這樣在我殺的時候

while I kill the goat.

可以不用看

It didn't seem like a lot, for this guy who'd seen so much,

像他這樣看過大風大浪

and to whom the killing of a goat must have seemed

殺羊對他來說沒什麼

such a quotidian experience,

應當稀疏平常

still found it in himself to try to protect me.

但他還是保護著我

I was a wimp.

我是個膽小鬼

I cried for a very long time.

哭了很久

And afterwards, he didn't say a word.

他一句話都沒說

He just sat there watching me cry for an hour.

就坐在那看我哭了整整1小時

And then afterwards he said to me,

之後他對我說

"It will always be difficult, but if you cry like this every time,

這種事一定會很困難，但如果每次都哭

you will die of heartbreak.

會真的哭死的

Just know that it is enough sometimes

知道有時候很難

to know that it is difficult."

就夠了

Of course, talking about goats makes me think of sheep,

當然，講到羊我就想到綿羊

and not in good ways.

不是好的聯想

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So, I was born two days after Christmas.

我生日是12月27日

So growing up, you know, I had a cake and everything,

過生日是有蛋糕之類的

but I never got any presents, because, born two days after Christmas.

但從沒有禮物，因為離耶誕節很近

So, I was about nine, and my uncle had just come back from Germany,

我九歲那年，我叔叔從德國回來

and we had the Catholic priest over,

有位神父到家裡作客

my mother was entertaining him with tea.

我媽媽正在招待他

And my uncle suddenly says, "Where are Chris' presents?"

我叔叔突然說：「Chris的禮物在哪」

And my mother said, "Don't talk about that in front of guests."

我媽說：「別在客人面前講這個」

But he was desperate to show that he'd just come back,

但他急著想讓我們知道他剛回來

so he summoned me up, and he said,

便叫我過去，說

"Go into the bedroom, my bedroom.

「到我房間」

Take anything you want out of the suitcase.

「可以從行李隨便選一樣」

It's your birthday present."

「當作你的生日禮物」

I'm sure he thought I'd take a book or a shirt,

他以為我會選書或襯衫

but I found an inflatable sheep.

但我找到一隻充氣羊

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So, I blew it up and ran into the living room,

我把他吹氣完，跑到客廳

my finger where it shouldn't have been,

手指放在不該放的地方

I was waving this buzzing sheep around,

搖著這隻有聲音的羊

and my mother looked like she was going to die of shock.

我媽看起來快昏倒了

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And Father McGetrick was completely unflustered,

但McGetrick神父卻一臉鎮靜

just stirred his tea and looked at my mother and said,

攪拌著他的茶，對我媽說

"It's all right Daphne, I'm Scottish."

沒事的Daphne，我是蘇格蘭人

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

(Applause)

(掌聲)

My last days in prison, the last 18 months,

我在監獄的最後18個月

my cellmate -- for the last year, the first year of the last 18 months --

18個月裡的第一年

my cellmate was 14 years old.

我的獄友14歲

The name was John James,

他叫約翰詹姆

and in those days, if a family member committed a crime,

當時，只要家裡有人犯法

the military would hold you as ransom

軍隊就會抓其中一個人當贖金

till your family turned themselves in.

逼你的家人自首

So, here was this 14-year-old kid on death row.

所以這個14歲的男孩成了死刑犯

And not everybody on death row was a political prisoner.

並非每個死刑犯都是政治犯

There were some really bad people there.

有些是真的做了壞事

And he had smuggled in two comics, two comic books --

他偷帶了兩本漫畫書

"Spiderman" and "X-Men."

蜘蛛人和X戰警

He was obsessed.

整個很著迷

And when he got tired of reading them,

他讀煩讀累的時候

he started to teach the men in death row how to read,

會用他的漫畫書，教其他死刑犯

with these comic books.

識字讀書

And so, I remember night after night,

我記得好幾晚

you'd hear all these men, these really hardened criminals,

會聽到這些凶神惡煞

huddled around John James, reciting, "Take that, Spidey!"

圍著約翰詹姆，讀著「看招吧蜘蛛人！」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

It's incredible.

很神奇的一刻

I was really worried.

但我很擔心

He didn't know what death row meant.

他不知道死刑的意思

I'd been there twice,

我已經經歷了兩次

and I was terribly afraid that I was going to die.

所以非常擔心我會死

And he would always laugh, and say,

他就會大笑的說

"Come on, man, we'll make it out."

「別這樣嘛，我們會出得去的」

Then I'd say, "How do you know?"

我就會問：「你怎麼知道」

And he said, "Oh, I heard it on the grapevine."

他會告訴我：「我有小道消息」

They killed him.

他被處死了

They handcuffed him to a chair,

他們把他銬在椅子上

and they tacked his penis to a table with a six-inch nail,

用六寸長的釘子，把他的老二釘在桌上

then left him there to bleed to death.

讓他流血致死

That's how I ended up in solitary, because I let my feelings be known.

我無法控制情緒，後來被關禁閉

All around us, everywhere, there are people like this.

我們身邊都是這樣的人

The Igbo used to say that they built their own gods.

伊博人說過，他們創造自己的神

They would come together as a community,

他們會聚在一起

and they would express a wish.

述說共同的夢想

And their wish would then be brought to a priest,

他們把願望告訴祭司

who would find a ritual object,

祭司會找個祭祀地點

and the appropriate sacrifices would be made,

舉行祭品儀式

and the shrine would be built for the god.

建神壇祭神

But if the god became unruly and began to ask for human sacrifice,

如果神要求用人作為祭品

the Igbos would destroy the god.

伊博人便會摧毀神

They would knock down the shrine,

摧毀祭壇

and they would stop saying the god's name.

不再呼喚神的名字

This is how they came to reclaim their humanity.

藉此，重獲人性

Every day, all of us here,

每一天，這裡的每個人

we're building gods that have gone rampant,

我們崇拜著猖狂的神

and it's time we started knocking them down

摧毀他們的時候到了

and forgetting their names.

忘記祂們的名字吧

It doesn't require a tremendous thing.

過程並不難

All it requires is to recognize among us, every day --

只要我們每天

the few of us that can see -- are surrounded by people

認知到身邊的人們

like the ones I've told you.

就像我說的這樣

There are some of you in this room, amazing people,

在座很多不凡的人

who offer all of us the mirror to our own humanity.

在他們的身上我們看到人性

I want to end with a poem by an American poet called Lucille Clifton.

最後我想分享美國詩人Lucille Clifton的一首詩

The poem is called "Libation," and it's for my friend Vusi

這首詩《奠酒》獻給我朋友Vusi

who is in the audience here somewhere.

他就在這裡的某處

"Libation,

《奠酒》

North Carolina, 1999.

北卡羅來納州，1999年

I offer to this ground, this gin.

我獻給大地，這琴酒

I imagine an old man crying here,

我想像一個在此哭泣的老人

out of the sight of the overseer.

遠離著監工

He pushes his tongue through a hole

他將舌頭放進口中

where his tooth would be, if he were whole.

這原本應長滿牙齒的地方

It aches in that space where his tooth would be,

空洞的疼痛

where his land would be,

空洞的大地

his house, his wife, his son, his beautiful daughter.

他的家、妻子、兒子及美麗的女兒

He wipes sorrow from his face,

他從臉上拭去悲傷

and puts his thirsty finger to his thirsty tongue,

枯渴的手放進枯渴的嘴裡

and tastes the salt.

嚐那鹹味

I call a name that could be his.

我喊著也許屬於他的名字

This is for you, old man.

獻給你，老人

This gin, this salty earth."

這琴酒，獻給鹹鹹的大地

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause)

(掌聲)