Charity Tillemann-Dick: After a lung transplant, an aria

翻译人员: Zhang XinYue 校对人员: Angelia King

You may not know this,

你也许不知道，

but you are celebrating an anniversary with me.

其实你在和我一起进行周年庆祝。

I'm not married,

我没有结婚，

but one year ago today,

但是一年前的今天，

I woke up

我从长达一个月的昏迷中

from a month-long coma,

苏醒过来，

following a double lung transplant.

那是在做完双肺移植手术之后。

Crazy, I know. Insane.

这很疯狂，我知道。像疯了一样。

Thank you.

谢谢。

Six years before that,

在那之前的六年，

I was starting my career

我刚开始我的事业

as an opera singer in Europe,

在欧洲作为一个歌剧演唱者。

when I was diagnosed with

当时我被诊断出

idiopathic pulmonary hypertension --

患有特发性肺高压--

also known as PH.

也被称作为PH

It happens when there's a thickening

这个疾病的诱因是

in the pulmonary veins,

肺静脉增厚，

making the right side of the heart

这使得右边的心脏

work overtime,

超负荷工作，

and causing what I call

而且也引发了我称之为

the reverse-Grinch effect.

反向-格林奇效应。

My heart was three-and-a-half sizes

我的心脏当时是正常心脏的三倍半大

too big.

过大了。

Physical activity becomes very difficult

有这种病症的人们

for people with this condition,

身体运动变的十分困难。

and usually after two to five years,

而且通常过了两到五年，

you die.

你就会死。

I went to see this specialist,

我去见了一个专家，

and she was top-of-the-field

她是这个领域的佼佼者

and told me I had to stop singing.

她告诉我说我必须停止歌唱。

She said, "Those high notes are going to kill you."

她说，“那些高音会害死你的。”

While she didn't have any medical evidence

但是她没有任何医学上的证据

to back up her claim

来支持她的

that there was a relationship

有关这两者之间有联系的论断

between operatic arias

这两者是歌剧咏叹调和

and pulmonary hypertension,

特发性肺高压，

she was absolutely emphatic

她十分肯定

I was singing my own obituary.

我在唱响我自己的葬歌。

I was very limited by my condition, physically.

因为这个病，我在体能上受到了限制。

But I was not limited when I sang,

但是当我唱歌时，我是自由的。

and as air came up from my lungs,

随着空气进入我的肺部，

through my vocal cords

穿过我的声带

and passed my lips as sound,

滑过我的嘴唇成为声音，

it was the closest thing I had ever come

这是我能做的

to transcendence.

最卓越的事情了。

And just because of someone's hunch,

就仅仅为了他人的判断直觉，

I wasn't going to give it up.

我是不会放弃。

Thankfully, I met Reda Girgis,

谢天谢地，我遇到了睿达·乔治，

who is dry as toast,

他是一个拘谨的人，

but he and his team at Johns Hopkins

但是他和他在约翰霍普金斯的团队

didn't just want me to survive,

不仅仅只是希望我能活下来。

they wanted me

他们希望我

to live a meaningful life.

过上有意义的生活。

This meant making trade-offs.

这就意味着要权衡取舍。

I come from Colorado.

我来自科罗拉多州。

It's a mile high,

海拔一英里，

and I grew up there with my 10 brothers and sisters

我和我的十个兄弟姐妹一起长大

and two adoring parents.

还有敬爱的父母亲。

Well, the altitude exacerbated my symptoms.

可是高海拔恶化了我的症状。

So I moved to Baltimore to be near my doctors

所以我搬去了巴尔的摩以便靠近我的医生

and enrolled in a conservatory nearby.

我也进入了附近的一所音乐学院。

I couldn't walk as much as I used to,

我不能再像以往那样走很多的路，

so I opted for five-inch heels.

所以我选择了五英尺高的鞋。

And I gave up salt,

我不再食用盐，

I went vegan,

我成为了纯素主义者，

and I started taking huge doses of

而且我开始服用大量的--

sildenafil,

西地那非--

also known as Viagra.

也就是万艾可（伟哥）。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

My father and my grandfather were always looking for the newest thing

我父亲和我祖父一直在寻找最新的

in alternative or traditional therapies

无论是非常规的还是常规的

for PH,

对PH的治疗方法，

but after six months,

但是六个月以后，

I couldn't walk up a small hill. I couldn't climb a flight of stairs.

我无法走上小斜坡，我无法爬楼梯，

I could barely stand up

我连站起来都

without feeling like I was going to faint.

伴随着晕眩的感觉。

I had a heart catheterization,

我做了心脏插管术，

where they measure this internal arterial pulmonary pressure,

这样就能测量我的肺动脉内压，

which is supposed to be between 15 and 20.

内压大致范围应该是15到20.

Mine was 146.

我的是146.

I like to do things big,

我喜欢把事情做的彻底。

and it meant one thing:

这就意味着：

there is a big gun treatment

要做风险很大的治疗

for pulmonary hypertension called Flolan,

对于特发性肺高压，这种治疗称作依前列醇钠。

and it's not just a drug;

它不仅仅是一种药物，

it's a way of life.

它是一种生活方式。

Doctors insert a catheter into your chest,

医生在我的胸腔内嵌入了导管，

which is attached to a pump

它与一个唧筒连接着

that weighs about four-and-a-half pounds.

唧筒重达约4.5磅。

Every day, 24 hours, that pump is at your side,

每一天，24小时，那个唧筒与你连接着，

administering medicine

向你的心脏

directly to your heart,

传送药物。

and it's not

这不是

a particularly preferable

一种令人喜欢的药物

medicine in many senses.

在某种程度上。

This is a list of the side effects:

这有一系列副反应：

if you eat too much salt,

如果吃太多的盐，

like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,

比如花生油或者果酱三明治，

you'll probably end up in the ICU.

你可能会在重点加护病房死去。

If you go through a metal detector,

如果你穿过一个金属探测器，

you'll probably die.

你可能死去。

If you get a bubble in your medicine --

如果在药物中有气泡--

because you have to mix it every morning --

因为每天早上你都得混合它--

and it stays in there,

如果气泡残留在那里，

you probably die.

你有可能死去。

If you run out of medicine, you definitely die.

如果药物用完了，你一定会死去。

No one wants to go on Flolan.

没有人喜欢服用依前列醇钠。

But when I needed it,

但是当我需要它的时候，

it was a godsend.

它是上帝的礼物。

Within a few days, I could walk again.

几天之后，我能再次走路了。

Within a few weeks, I was performing,

几周之后，我可以演出了。

and in a few months,

几个月之后，

I debuted at the Kennedy Center.

我在肯尼迪中心登台演出。

The pump was a little bit problematic when performing,

在我演出时有这个唧筒会不方便，

so I'd attach it to my inner thigh

所以我将它绑在大腿内侧

with the help of the girdle and an ACE bandage.

使用肢带和ACE绷带将它缠绕。

Literally hundreds of elevator rides

事实上，上百次我乘坐电梯

were spent with me alone

独自一个人

stuffing the pump into my Spanx,

将唧筒绑在我的塑身裤上，

hoping the doors wouldn't open unexpectedly.

并且祈祷门不会意外地打开。

And the tubing coming out of my chest

我胸部露出来的管子

was a nightmare for costume designers.

是服装设计师的噩梦。

I graduated from graduate school in 2006,

我于2006年从学校毕业，

and I got a fellowship to go back to Europe.

获得奖学金返回欧洲。

A few days after arriving,

到达的几天后，

I met this wonderful, old conductor

我遇到了这个极好的指挥

who started casting me in all of these roles.

他赋予我各种角色。

And before long, I was commuting

不久后，我开始奔波在

between Budapest, Milan

布达佩斯，米兰

and Florence.

和佛罗伦萨之间。

Though I was attached

尽管我带着这个

to this ugly, unwanted,

难看的，不是我想要的，

high-maintenance, mechanical pet,

极度需要维护的机械宠物，

my life was kind of like the happy part in an opera --

我的生活就像歌剧中的那欢快部分--

very complicated,

虽然十分复杂，

but in a good way.

但是正面积极的。

Then in February

到了

of 2008,

2008年2月份，

my grandfather passed away.

我的祖父过世了。

He was a big figure in all of our lives,

他是我们生活的主心轴，

and we loved him very much.

我们十分爱他。

It certainly didn't prepare me

显然我对于接下来要发生的事情

for what came next.

毫无准备。

Seven weeks later,

7周以后，

I got a call from my family.

我接到一通从家里打来的电话。

My father had been in a catastrophic car accident,

我父亲遭遇了一场灾难性的车祸，

and he died.

他死了。

At 24, my death would have been

24岁那年，我的死亡是

entirely expected.

完全可以预期的。

But his --

但是他的死亡--

well, the only way I can articulate how it felt

我唯一能表达的感觉是

was that it precipitated

它猛地

my medical decline.

使我的病情恶化。

Against my doctors' and family's wishes,

不顾医生和家庭的期望，

I needed to go back for the funeral.

我需要返回参加葬礼。

I had to say goodbye

无论如何病重与否，我需要去道别

in some way, shape or form.

。

But soon I was showing signs of right-heart failure,

但是很快我的右心脏出现了衰竭信号，

and I had to return to sea level,

我不得不返回到海平面低的地方，

doing so knowing

这样就意味着

that I probably would never see my home again.

我很有可能再也见不到我的家了。

I canceled most of my engagements that summer,

我取消了夏天的大多数预约，

but I had one left in Tel Aviv, so I went.

但是我还有一个预约在以色列的特拉维夫，所以我去了。

After one performance,

一场演出之后，

I could barely drag myself

我甚至都不能把自己

from the stage to the taxicab.

从舞台拖向出租车。

I sat down and felt the blood

我坐上车后，感觉到血液

rush down from my face,

从我的头部冲下来。

and in the heat of the desert,

在这个沙漠的中心地带，

I was freezing cold.

我感觉到十分冷。

My fingers started turning blue,

我的手指变为紫色，

and I was like, "What is going on here?"

我就像是，“到底发生什么了？”

I heard my heart's valves

我听到了我的心脏阀门

snapping open and closed.

啪地打开然后关上。

The cab stopped,

出租车停下来，

and I pulled my body from it

我把我的身体拖下车

feeling each ounce of weight

步履维艰

as I walked to the elevator.

当我走向电梯时。

I fell through my apartment door

我跌进公寓的门

and crawled to the bathroom

爬向浴室

where I found my problem:

然后我发现了问题所在：

I had forgotten to mix in

我忘记了混合

the most important part of my medicine.

药物中最重要的那一部分。

I was dying,

我就快死了。

and if I didn't mix that stuff up fast,

如果我没有及时混合那一部分，

I would never leave that apartment alive.

我就不能活着离开公寓了。

I started mixing,

我开始混合，

and I felt like everything was going to fall out through one hole or another,

我感觉周遭事物都在离我而去，

but I just kept on going.

我只是继续操作。

Finally, with the last bottle in and the last bubble out,

最后，随着最后一瓶药物混合好，最后一个气泡消失，

I attached the pump to the tubing

我把唧筒和管子连接

and lay there hoping it would kick in

躺在那里，期望药物能够

soon enough.

及时注入。

If it didn't, I'd probably see my father

如果不及时，我就会去见我父亲了

sooner than I anticipated.

这比我预期的要早。

Thankfully, in a few minutes,

谢天谢地，几分钟以后，

I saw the signature hive-like rash

我看到了蜂窝状的疹子

appear on my legs,

出现在我的腿上，

which is a side effect of the medication,

它是这个治疗的副反应，

and I knew I'd be okay.

我就知道我不会死了。

We're not big on fear in my family,

我们家族不易恐惧，

but I was scared.

但是这次我吓坏了。

I went back to the States,

我返回美国，

anticipating I'd return to Europe,

期待我能返回欧洲，

but the heart catheterization

但是心脏插管术显示

showed that I wasn't going anywhere

我不能离开

further that a flight-for-life from Johns Hopkins Hospital.

超过约翰·霍普金医院关乎生死的一个机程的距离。

I performed here and there,

我四处演出，

but as my condition deteriorated,

但是随着我病情的恶化

so did my voice.

我的音色也下降了。

My doctor wanted me to get on the list for a lung transplant.

我的医生希望我做肺移植手术；

I didn't.

但是我不想做。

I had two friends who had recently died

我有两个朋友最近刚刚去世

months after having very challenging surgeries.

就在她们做完很有挑战性的手术的几个月后。

I knew another young man, though, who had PH

我还知道另外一个年轻人，他也患有PH

who died while waiting for one.

在等待肺的时候死去了。

I wanted to live.

我想要活下去。

I thought stem cells were a good option,

我觉得干细胞是一个很好的选择，

but they hadn't developed to a point

但是他们还没有发展到那个

where I could take advantage of them yet.

我可以利用它们的水平。

I officially took a break from singing,

我停止了歌唱，

and I went to the Cleveland Clinic

我去了克利夫兰医院

to be reevaluated

再次进行肺移植的评估

for the third time in five years, for transplant.

这是五年中的第三次。

I was sitting there kind of unenthusiastically talking

我坐在那里漫不经心地

with the head transplant surgeon,

和首席移植手术医生交谈，

and I asked him if I needed a transplant,

我问他如果我要做移植手术，

what I could do to prepare.

我应该准备些什么。

He said, "Be happy.

他说，“要乐观。

A happy patient

一个乐观的病人

is a healthy patient."

就是一个健康的病人。”

It was like in one verbal swoop

这就像一道闪电

he had channeled my thoughts

他让我想通了

on life and medicine

关于生活和治疗

and Confucius.

以及孔子。

I still didn't want a transplant,

我仍然不想做移植手术，

but in a month,

但是一个月后，

I was back in the hospital

我返回医院

with some severely edemic kankles --

因为足部肿大--

very attractive.

十分明显。

And it was right-heart failure.

这是因为右心脏衰竭。

I finally decided

最终我决定

it was time to take my doctor's advice.

是时候听从医生的建议了。

It was time for me to go to Cleveland

是时候我要返回克利夫兰

and to start the agonizing wait

然后开始那令人苦恼的等待

for a match.

等待匹配的肺。

But the next morning,

但是第二天早晨，

while I was still in the hospital,

我还在医院的时候，

I got a telephone call.

接到了一通电话。

It was my doctor in Cleveland,

是我在克利夫兰的医生

Marie Budev.

玛丽·布德夫。

And they had lungs.

他们得到了肺。

It was a match.

它们和我是匹配的。

They were from Texas.

这肺来自德克萨斯。

And everybody was really happy for me,

所有人都真心的为我感到高兴，

but me.

除了我以外。

Because, despite their problems,

因为，尽管我的肺部有很多问题，

I had spent my whole life training my lungs,

但是我这一生都在训练它们，

and I was not particularly enthusiastic

所以我不是那么急切的

about giving them up.

想要放弃它们。

I flew to Cleveland,

我飞抵克利夫兰。

and my family rushed there

我的家人急忙赶去

in hopes that they would meet me

希望能够见我一面

and say what we knew

然后对我道别

might be our final goodbye.

也许这是最后一面。

But organs don't wait,

但是器官不等人。

and I went into surgery

所以我开始了手术

before I could say goodbye.

在我和家人道别之前。

The last thing I remember

我最后记得的事情就是

was lying on a white blanket,

躺在白色的单子上，

telling my surgeon that I needed to see my mother again,

告诉我的医生，我需要再见我妈妈一面，

and to please try and save my voice.

请努力帮我保住我的声音。

I fell into this apocalyptic dream world.

我进入了天堂般的梦境。

During the thirteen-and-a-half-hour surgery,

在这十三个半小时的手术中，

I flatlined twice,

我心脏跳停昏厥两次，

40 quarts of blood

40夸脱血

were infused into my body.

输入到我的体内。

And in my surgeon's 20-year career,

医生说，在他20年的手术生涯中，

he said it was among the most difficult transplants

这次基本是他做过的最困难的

that he's ever performed.

移植手术了。

They left my chest open for two weeks.

他们把我的胸腔打开了两周。

You could see my over-sized heart

你都可以看到我那过大的心脏

beating inside of it.

在那里跳动。

I was on a dozen machines

我身边有许多仪器

that were keeping me alive.

它们维系着我的生命。

An infection ravaged my skin.

我的皮肤受到了感染。

I had hoped my voice would be saved,

我是希望我的声音能够得以保留，

but my doctors knew

但是我的医生知道

that the breathing tubes going down my throat

那些通过我喉咙呼吸管

might have already destroyed it.

可能会毁掉我的声音。

If they stayed in, there was no way I would ever sing again.

如果它们通过喉咙，我将不能再歌唱。

So my doctor got the ENT,

所以医生找到了眼耳鼻喉科--

the top guy at the clinic, to come down

这医院最顶尖的人才--过来

and give me surgery

给我做手术

to move the tubes around my voice box.

让这些管子绕过我的喉咙。

He said it would kill me.

他说这样做对我是致命的。

So my own surgeon performed the procedure

所以我的主治医生亲自做了这个手术

in a last-ditch attempt to save my voice.

为保住我的声音做最后一搏。

Though my mom couldn't say goodbye to me

虽然在手术前我母亲没能

before the surgery,

见我一面，

she didn't leave my side

但是她在随后几个月的观察期中

in the months of recovery that followed.

与我寸步不离。

And if you want an example

如果你需要一个

of perseverance,

坚韧，

grit and strength

慈爱和坚强

in a beautiful, little package,

集于一体的美好化身，

it is her.

这就是我母亲。

One year ago

一年前

to this very day,

的这一天，

I woke up.

我醒来。

I was 95 lbs.

我只有95磅。

There were a dozen tubes

有一打管子

coming in and out of my body.

穿进我体内。

I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk,

我不能走路，不能说话。

I couldn't eat, I couldn't move,

不能吃，不能动，

I certainly couldn't sing,

当然，我也不能唱歌。

I couldn't even breathe,

我甚至不能呼吸，

but when I looked up

但是当我抬头看

and I saw my mother,

到我的母亲时，

I couldn't help but smile.

我情不自禁地微笑。

Whether by a Mack truck

无论是麦克牌卡车（暗示车祸）

or by heart failure

还是心脏衰竭

or faulty lungs,

还是肺移植失败，

death happens.

死亡总会发生。

But life isn't really just about avoiding death, is it?

但是生活不仅仅是避免死亡，对吧?

It's about living.

它关乎活下去。

Medical conditions don't negate the human condition.

疾病并不能完全否定人们求生的意志。

And when people are allowed

所以人们一旦可以

to pursue their passions,

追随他们的热情所在，

doctors will find they have better,

医生发现他们拥有了更棒

happier and healthier patients.

更幸福更健康的病人。

My parents were totally stressed out

我的父母很担忧我

about me going and auditioning

出去试镜

and traveling and performing all over the place,

旅行和四处表演，

but they knew that it was much better for me to do that

但是他们知道我这样做我自己会感觉好很多

than be preoccupied with my own mortality all of the time.

这样总比整日担心我自己的死亡要好很多。

And I'm so grateful they did.

我感谢他们这样理解我。

This past summer, when I was running and singing

这是去年夏天我跑啊唱啊

and dancing and playing with my nieces and my nephews

跳啊玩啊，和我的侄子与侄女

and my brothers and my sisters and my mother and my grandmother

我的兄弟和姐妹，我的母亲和祖母

in the Colorado Rockies,

在科罗拉多洛矶，

I couldn't help but think of that doctor

我不由地想起了那个医生

who told me that I couldn't sing.

她说我不能再歌唱了。

And I wanted to tell her,

但是我想告诉她，

and I want to tell you,

我想告诉大家，

we need to stop letting disease

我们必须停止让疾病

divorce us from our dreams.

剥夺我们的梦想。

When we do,

当我们做到了，

we will find that patients

我们将发现病人

don't just survive;

不仅仅是活下来了，

we thrive.

我们会活力四射。

And some of us

有些病人

might even sing.

甚至可以歌唱。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

[Singing: French]

[歌唱：法语]

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

Thank you.

谢谢。

And I'd like to thank my pianist, Monica Lee.

谢谢我的钢琴师，莫妮卡·李。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

Thank you so much.

十分感谢。

Thank you.

谢谢。