Why I'm done trying to be "man enough" | Justin Baldoni

翻译人员: Kerry Chen 校对人员: Lipeng Chen

As an actor, I get scripts

作为一个演员，我会拿到剧本，

and it's my job to stay on script,

我的工作就是专注于我的剧本，

to say my lines

说出我的台词，

and bring to life a character that someone else wrote.

给其他人写的人物带来生命。

Over the course of my career,

在我的职业生涯中，

I've had the great honor

我有过极大的荣幸，

扮演一些电视中

playing some of the greatest male role models ever

最伟大的男性角色。

represented on television.

You might recognize me as "Male Escort #1."

你可能认出我是 “头牌应召男郎"。

(Laughter)

（笑）

"Photographer Date Rapist,"

"赴约的摄影强奸犯"，

"Shirtless Date Rapist"

获过奖的"深海狂怒"中

from the award-winning "Spring Break Shark Attack."

"赴约的赤膊强奸犯"。

（笑）

(Laughter)

"Shirtless Medical Student,"

"赤膊的医学生"，

"Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man"

"赤膊的使用类固醇的人"

and, in my most well-known role, as Rafael.

以及我最著名的角色 Rafael。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

A brooding, reformed playboy

一个闷闷不乐，改过自新的花花公子，

who falls for, of all things, a virgin,

迷恋着任何事物，迷恋着处女，

and who is only occasionally shirtless.

一个偶尔赤膊的花花公子。

(Laughter)

（笑）

Now, these roles don't represent the kind of man I am in my real life,

但是这些角色并不能代表在真实生活中的我，

but that's what I love about acting.

但这就是我喜欢表演的地方。

I get to live inside characters very different than myself.

我活在这些和我很不一样的角色中。

But every time I got one of these roles, I was surprised,

每一次我在一个角色中的时候， 我总是非常的惊讶，

because most of the men I play ooze machismo,

惊讶于大多数我扮演的角色 充满了男子气概，魅力以及力量，

charisma and power,

当我看着镜子的时候， 我想这不是我如何看待我自己的。

and when I look in the mirror, that's just not how I see myself.

But it was how Hollywood saw me,

但这是好莱坞如何看待我的，

and over time, I noticed a parallel

随着时间的推移，我注意到

between the roles I would play as a man

荧幕前的我和荧幕后的我

both on-screen and off.

有着相似之处。

I've been pretending to be a man that I'm not my entire life.

我开始假装成一个 生活中我不是这样的人。

I've been pretending to be strong when I felt weak,

当我感到虚弱的时候，我假装成强壮的。

confident when I felt insecure

当我缺乏信心的时候，我假装成很有自信。

and tough when really I was hurting.

当我被伤害的时候，我装成很坚强。

I think for the most part I've just been kind of putting on a show,

我认为大多数时候，我只是在一个表演中，

but I'm tired of performing.

但是我已经厌倦表演了。

And I can tell you right now

我现在可以告诉你，

that it is exhausting trying to be man enough for everyone all the time.

总是成为一个男子气概的男人形象 对所有人来说都是精疲力竭的。

Now -- right?

对吧？

(Laughter)

（笑）

My brother heard that.

我的兄弟听到了。

Now, for as long as I can remember, I've been told

现在，就我所记得的，我一直被告诉

the kind of man that I should grow up to be.

我要成为我应该成为的那样的男人。

As a boy, all I wanted was to be accepted and liked by the other boys,

作为一个男孩，我想要的 就被其他男孩接受和喜欢，

but that acceptance meant I had to acquire

被其他男孩接受意味着，

this almost disgusted view of the feminine,

我不得不对女性抱有些厌恶的观点，

and since we were told that feminine is the opposite of masculine,

而由于我们被告知女性是男性的反面，

I either had to reject embodying any of these qualities

我要么拒绝拥有这些品质，

or face rejection myself.

要么面对的是拒绝我自己。

This is the script that we've been given.

这是我们所被给予的剧本。

Right? Girls are weak, and boys are strong.

对吗？女孩子是虚弱的， 男孩子是强壮的。

This is what's being subconsciously communicated

这潜移默化的影响着

to hundreds of millions of young boys and girls all over the world,

世界上成千上万的男孩和女孩，

just like it was with me.

就像它影响着我一样。

Well, I came here today to say, as a man

我今天来到这里是想说，作为男性，

that this is wrong, this is toxic,

这样的想法是错误的，这是有害的，

and it has to end.

这需要被终止。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

Now, I'm not here to give a history lesson.

我现在不是来上历史课的。

We likely all know how we got here, OK?

我们大概都知道我们是怎么来的，对吧？

But I'm just a guy that woke up after 30 years and realized

但是我在出生的30年后在意识到

that I was living in a state of conflict,

我生活在一个充满矛盾的地方，

conflict with who I feel I am in my core

和我认为的自我是矛盾的，

and conflict with who the world tells me as a man I should be.

和人们告诉我我应该 成为一个怎么样的男人是矛盾的。

But I don't have a desire

但是我并不渴望

to fit into the current broken definition of masculinity,

去适应现在这个破碎的男性概念。

because I don't just want to be a good man.

因为我不想只成为一个好的男人。

I want to be a good human.

我想成为一个好的人。

And I believe the only way that can happen

我认为唯一一个能实现的办法就是

is if men learn to not only embrace the qualities

如果男人不仅仅接受那些

that we were told are feminine in ourselves

被认为是在我们体内的女性特征，

but to be willing to stand up,

而且愿意站起来，

to champion and learn from the women who embody them.

向展示着这些特征的女性鼓掌和学习。

Now, men --

现在，男士们——

(Laughter)

（笑）

I am not saying that everything we have learned is toxic. OK?

我没有说我们所有学到的都是不好的。对吗？

I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with you or me,

我不是说你或我有什么内在的毛病，

and men, I'm not saying we have to stop being men.

男士们，我不是说让我们不要再成为男人。

But we need balance, right?

但是我们需要平衡，对吗

We need balance,

我们需要平衡，

and the only way things will change is if we take a real honest look

唯一能改变的事是 如果我们能够诚实的看待

at the scripts that have been passed down to us

代代相传、

from generation to generation

递到我们手上的剧本，

and the roles that, as men, we choose to take on

和我们选择去呈现在每天的生活中

in our everyday lives.

作为男人的角色。

So speaking of scripts,

所以说到剧本，

the first script I ever got came from my dad.

我得到的第一个剧本来自我的爸爸。

My dad is awesome.

我爸爸很棒。

He's loving, he's kind, he's sensitive, he's nurturing,

他充满爱、很慈祥、很感性、很关爱我，

he's here.

他就在这里。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

He's crying.

他正在哭。

(Laughter)

（笑）

But, sorry, Dad, as a kid I resented him for it,

但是，抱歉，爸爸。 作为一个孩子我讨厌他哭，

because I blamed him for making me soft,

因为我责怪他把我变得柔软，

which wasn't welcomed in the small town in Oregon

这是我们曾搬过去的一个俄勒冈州小镇上

that we had moved to.

不受欢迎的特点。

Because being soft meant that I was bullied.

因为变得柔软意味着我被欺负了。

See, my dad wasn't traditionally masculine,

看，我的爸爸不是一个传统意义上的男性，

so he didn't teach me how to use my hands.

他没有教会我如何使用我的手。

He didn't teach me how to hunt, how to fight,

他没有教会我如何去捕猎，如何去打架。

you know, man stuff.

你知道的，那些男人的东西。

Instead he taught me what he knew:

相反，他教我他所知道的东西：

that being a man was about sacrifice

成为一个男人需要牺牲，

and doing whatever you can

做任何你能做到的东西

to take care of and provide for your family.

来照顾和抚养你的家庭。

But there was another role I learned how to play from my dad,

但是还有另一个 我从我父亲那里学到的角色，

who, I discovered, learned it from his dad,

而我的父亲是从他的父亲那些学到的。

a state senator

他的父亲是一个州议员，

who later in life

在下半生中

had to work nights as a janitor to support his family,

不得不在夜间作为一个看门人 工作来支撑他的家庭，

and he never told a soul.

而他从来没有告诉别人这件事。

That role was to suffer in secret.

他默默的受着苦。

And now three generations later,

现在，三代之后，

I find myself playing that role, too.

我发现我自己也在扮演这个角色。

So why couldn't my grandfather just reach out to another man

所以，为什么我的爷爷不去向另一个人

and ask for help?

寻求帮助呢？

Why does my dad to this day still think he's got to do it all on his own?

为什么我的爸爸直到今天 仍然认为他独自需要完成这些呢？

I know a man who would rather die

我知道一个男人宁愿死，

than tell another man that they're hurting.

也不愿告诉别人他们受伤。

But it's not because we're just all, like, strong silent types.

但是这并不是因为我们全部是 强壮缄默的类型。

It's not. A lot of us men are really good at making friends, and talking,

不是这样的。很多男人很善于交朋友和聊天，

just not about anything real.

但却不是关于真实的事。

(Laughter)

（笑）

If it's about work or sports or politics or women,

如果这是关于工作、体育、政治、或者女人，

we have no problem sharing our opinions,

我们会毫无犹豫的去分享我们的观点，

but if it's about our insecurities or our struggles,

但是如果是关于我们的不安全感、 关于我们的挣扎、

our fear of failure,

关于我们对失败的恐惧，

then it's almost like we become paralyzed.

然后这就几乎像我们瘫痪了一样。

At least, I do.

至少，我是这样的。

So some of the ways that I have been practicing

所以一些我一直在练习

breaking free of this behavior

摆脱这种行为的方式，

are by creating experiences that force me to be vulnerable.

就是创造让我不得不去变的脆弱的经历。

So if there's something I'm experiencing shame around in my life,

所以如果我的生活中 有一些我感到羞耻的事情，

I practice diving straight into it,

我就会直接进入它，

no matter how scary it is --

不管它有多吓人——

and sometimes, even publicly.

有时，甚至公开这么做。

Because then in doing so

因为要是这样做的话，

I take away its power,

我就能剥夺它的力量，

and my display of vulnerability

我的脆弱表现在一些情况下

can in some cases give other men permission to do the same.

能促使别的男人去做同样的事。

As an example, a little while ago

举个例子，一段时间前，

I was wrestling with an issue in my life

我那时正在纠结我生活中的一个问题，

that I knew I needed to talk to my guy friends about,

我意识到我需要跟我的朋友们谈谈，

but I was so paralyzed by fear

但是我被恐惧吓得不知所措，

that they would judge me and see me as weak

认为他们会批判我，觉得我懦弱

and I would lose my standing as a leader

我会因此失去我作为领导者的地位，

that I knew I had to take them out of town on a three-day guys trip --

以至于我知道我不得不 带他们出去玩三天——

(Laughter)

（笑）

Just to open up. And guess what?

然后才能开诚布公。你猜怎么着了？

It wasn't until the end of the third day

在三天里的最后一天，

that I finally found the strength to talk to them

我终于有勇气跟他们说了

about what I was going through.

关于我现在正在经历烦恼的事。

But when I did, something amazing happened.

但是当我说的时候， 一些令人震惊的事发生了

I realized that I wasn't alone,

我意识到我不是一个人，

because my guys had also been struggling.

因为我的朋友们也都正在经历烦恼挣扎。

And as soon as I found the strength and the courage to share my shame,

当我找到勇气来分享我的耻辱的时候，

it was gone.

它自己就消失了。

Now, I've learned over time

现在，我已经学到了

that if I want to practice vulnerability,

如果我想经历脆弱，

then I need to build myself a system of accountability.

那我需要建立一个自我问责系统。

So I've been really blessed as an actor.

所以，我很庆幸我是一个演员。

I've built a really wonderful fan base,

我已经建立了一个丰富多彩的粉丝团，

really, really sweet and engaged,

他们人很好也很投入，

and so I decided to use my social platform

所以我决定把我的社交平台

as kind of this Trojan horse

当成特洛伊木马，

wherein I could create a daily practice of authenticity and vulnerability.

那里我可以面对每日的真实和脆弱。

The response has been incredible.

评论非常不可思议。

It's been affirming, it's been heartwarming.

很肯定，很暖心。

I get tons of love and press and positive messages daily.

我每天都收到一堆爱心、关注和积极的信息。

But it's all from a certain demographic:

但这些评论的都来自于一种人：

women.

女性。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

This is real.

这是真的。

Why are only women following me?

为什么只有女性关注我？

Where are the men?

男性同胞都去哪儿了？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

About a year ago, I posted this photo.

大概一年前，我发了这张照片。

Now, afterwards, I was scrolling through some of the comments,

之后我在翻看一些评论的时候，

and I noticed that one of my female fans had tagged her boyfriend in the picture,

发现一位女粉丝在照片里tag了她男朋友。

and her boyfriend responded by saying,

然后她男朋友回复，

"Please stop tagging me in gay shit.

“别在基佬的鬼东西里tag我。

Thx."

多谢。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

As if being gay makes you less of a man, right?

就好像作为同性恋让你不男人了，是吗？

So I took a deep breath,

所以我深呼吸，

and I responded.

然后回复了。

I said,

我非常礼貌地说，

very politely, that I was just curious,

我只是好奇，

because I'm on an exploration of masculinity,

因为我正在探索男性气概，

and I wanted to know why my love for my wife

我想知道为什么我对我妻子的爱

qualified as gay shit.

被归纳成基佬的鬼东西了。

And then I said, honestly I just wanted to learn.

然后我说，说真的我只是想学习一下。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now, he immediately wrote me back.

他立刻回复我了。

I thought he was going to go off on me, but instead he apologized.

我本以为他会冲我发火， 没想到他却向我道歉了。

He told me how, growing up,

他告诉我，从小到大，

public displays of affection were looked down on.

公开秀恩爱都是被鄙视的。

He told me that he was wrestling and struggling with his ego,

他告诉我他正在跟自尊心挣扎，

and how much he loved his girlfriend

他多么爱他的女朋友，

and how thankful he was for her patience.

还有他对她的耐心有多么感激。

And then a few weeks later,

几周之后，

he messaged me again.

他又发短信了。

This time he sent me a photo

这次他给我传了一张照片，

of him on one knee proposing.

里面他单膝跪地求婚。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

And all he said was, "Thank you."

他只说了一句话，“谢谢你。”

I've been this guy.

我走过他那条路。

I get it.

我懂。

See, publicly, he was just playing his role,

看到没，在公开场合，他只是在例行公事，

rejecting the feminine, right?

排斥女性，对吧？

But secretly he was waiting for permission to express himself,

但私下里他在等待一个许可，去表达自己，

去让别人看到自己，听见自己

to be seen, to be heard,

and all he needed was another man

他需要的只是另一个男性

holding him accountable and creating a safe space for him to feel,

对他负责，并给他一个能安全感受的空间，

and the transformation was instant.

而这变化是瞬间的。

I loved this experience,

我喜欢这种经历，

because it showed me that transformation is possible,

因为它告诉我，变化是可能的，

从短信对话就能看出来。

even over direct messages.

So I wanted to figure out how I could reach more men,

所以我在想怎么接触到更多男性，

but of course none of them were following me.

但当然他们谁没有关注我。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So I tried an experiment.

所以我做了个实验。

I started posting more stereotypically masculine things --

我开始发更多刻板印象里男性化的东西——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Like my challenging workouts, my meal plans,

比如挑战性的健身，饮食规划，

my journey to heal my body after an injury.

受伤之后自愈的过程。

And guess what happened?

猜后来怎么样了？

Men started to write me.

男性们开始联系我了。

And then, out of the blue, for the first time in my entire career,

后来，突然有一天，我职业生涯第一次

a male fitness magazine called me,

有个男性健美杂志打电话给我，

and they said they wanted to honor me as one of their game-changers.

说他们想叫我改变游戏规则的人。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Was that really game-changing?

这真的很挑战游戏规则吗？

Or is it just conforming?

还是这只是守规矩？

And see, that's the problem.

看吧，这就是问题。

It's totally cool for men to follow me

当我讨论男性话题，

when I talk about guy stuff

还有顺从于后天性别准则时，

and I conform to gender norms.

男性关注我完全没问题。

But if I talk about how much I love my wife

但当我表达我有多爱妻子，

or my daughter or my 10-day-old son,

我女儿，或者我十天大的儿子时，

how I believe that marriage is challenging but beautiful,

当我坚信婚姻复杂却美丽，

or how as a man I struggle with body dysmorphia,

当我作为一个男人和躯体变形抗争，

or if I promote gender equality, then only the women show up.

或者当我提倡性别平等时，只有女性来了。

Where are the men?

男人们去哪儿了？

So men, men, men,

所以，男人们，男人们，男人们，

men!

男人们！

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

I understand.

我明白。

Growing up, we tend to challenge each other.

成长过程中，我们挑战对方。

We've got to be the toughest,

我们都要成为最坚强，

the strongest, the bravest men that we can be.

最强大，最勇敢的男性。

And for many of us, myself included, our identities are wrapped up

对很多男性来说，包括我自己， 我们的身份都被

in whether or not at the end of the day we feel like we're man enough.

一天结束后觉不觉得 自己够男人的感觉牵绊住了。

But I've got a challenge for all the guys,

但现在我给所有男性一个挑战，

because men love challenges.

因为男人们都爱挑战。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I challenge you to see if you can use the same qualities

我挑战你们能不能用

让你们觉得成为一个男人的品质

that you feel make you a man

to go deeper into yourself.

往深了审视自己。

Your strength, your bravery, your toughness:

你们的力量、勇敢、坚强：

Can we redefine what those mean and use them to explore our hearts?

我们能把它们重新定义， 并其用来探索我们的心吗？

Are you brave enough

你们有没有勇气

to be vulnerable?

去变得脆弱？

To reach out to another man when you need help?

当你们需要帮助时去找另一个人？

To dive headfirst into your shame?

去一头扎进你们的耻辱吗？

Are you strong enough to be sensitive,

你们够不够强大去变得敏感，

to cry whether you are hurting

去哭一哭，不管你们在痛苦着，

or you're happy,

还是快乐着，

even if it makes you look weak?

即使这让你们看起来很懦弱？

Are you confident enough

你们有没有足够自信

to listen to the women in your life?

去倾听生命中的女性？

To hear their ideas and their solutions?

去倾听她们的想法和解决办法？

To hold their anguish

去阻止她们的痛苦，

and actually believe them,

并真正相信她们，

即使她们在说抗拒你的话？

even if what they're saying is against you?

And will you be man enough

你们够不够男人，

to stand up to other men when you hear "locker room talk,"

在你听到“更衣室谈话”时，

when you hear stories of sexual harassment?

听到性骚扰故事时，去对抗其他男性？

When you hear your boys talking about grabbing ass or getting her drunk,

当你听到男生们讨论 吃她豆腐或把她灌醉时，

will you actually stand up and do something

你会站起来做一些事儿吗？

so that one day we don't have to live in a world

这样有一天，我们就不用生活在一个

where a woman has to risk everything

女性什么事情都要冒着险去做，

and come forward to say the words "me too?"

并站出来说“我也是”的世界了。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

This is serious stuff.

这是很严肃的问题。

I've had to take a real, honest look

我需要真实、诚恳地反省

at the ways that I've unconsciously been hurting the women in my life,

我是怎么无意识地伤害生命中的女性的，

and it's ugly.

这很丑恶。

My wife told me that I had been acting in a certain way that hurt her

我妻子跟我说我一直在伤她，

and not correcting it.

而且也不改正。

Basically, sometimes when she would go to speak,

就是说，有时候她在家或者公共场合

at home or in public,

说话时，

I would just cut her off mid-sentence and finish her thought for her.

我会直接从中间打断她然后自己说完。

It's awful.

这太差劲了。

The worst part was that I was completely unaware when I was doing it.

最糟糕的是，我完全不知道自己在这么做。

It was unconscious.

这是无意识的。

So here I am doing my part,

所以看起来我在履行职责，

trying to be a feminist,

尝试成为一名女权主义者，

amplifying the voices of women around the world,

放大全球女性的声音，

可是在家呢，

and yet at home,

I am using my louder voice to silence the woman I love the most.

我在用我最大的声音让我最爱的女人安静。

So I had to ask myself a tough question:

所以我得问我自己一个艰难的问题：

am I man enough

我够不够男人，

to just shut the hell up and listen?

去闭上臭嘴并聆听？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

I've got to be honest. I wish that didn't get an applause.

说实话，我倒希望你们没给这段鼓掌。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Guys,

各位，

this is real.

这是真正存在的。

And I'm just scratching the surface here,

而且现在我谈及表面，

because the deeper we go, the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.

因为越往深走越丑恶， 我给你打保票。

I don't have time to get into porn and violence against women

我没时间探讨针对女性的黄片和暴力，

or the split of domestic duties

家务划分，

或者工资差距。

or the gender pay gap.

But I believe that as men,

但我相信，作为男人，

it's time we start to see past our privilege

是时候无视我们的优先权

and recognize that we are not just part of the problem.

而去认识到我们不是问题的一部分。

Fellas, we are the problem.

伙计们，我们就是问题。

The glass ceiling exists because we put it there,

是我们让这层玻璃天花板存在的，

and if we want to be a part of the solution,

如果我们想成为解决方案的一部分，

then words are no longer enough.

光说说是远远不够的。

There's a quote that I love that I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings.

我很喜欢以前巴哈伊教篇章的一句话。

It says that "the world of humanity is possessed of two wings,

“人类世界拥有一对翅膀，

the male and the female.

男人和女人。

So long as these two wings are not equivalent in strength,

只要这对翅膀力量不平衡，

the bird will not fly."

鸟就不会飞翔。”

So women,

所以女性们，

on behalf of men all over the world

我代表这世界上

who feel similar to me,

和我感受一样的男性们，

please forgive us

请求原谅，

for all the ways that we have not relied on your strength.

因为我们没有信赖你们的力量。

And now I would like to ask you to formally help us,

现在我想请你们帮助我们，

because we cannot do this alone.

因为只凭我们自己还不够。

We are men. We're going to mess up.

我们是男人，我们肯定会搞砸，

We're going to say the wrong thing. We're going to be tone-deaf.

我们说话都不过脑子，我们没有情商。

We're more than likely, probably, going to offend you.

我们肯定会冒犯你们。

But don't lose hope.

但别放弃希望。

We're only here because of you,

我们在这儿是为了你们，

and like you, as men, we need to stand up and become your allies

和你们一样，作为男人， 我们需要站起来做你们的盟友，

as you fight against

在你们和差不多所有事情

pretty much everything.

做斗争的时候。

We need your help in celebrating our vulnerability

我们需要你们帮忙 在我们彻头彻尾

and being patient with us

进行这段旅程的时候，

as we make this very, very long journey

庆祝我们的弱小，

from our heads to our hearts.

并对我们有点耐心。

And finally to parents:

最后送给家长：

instead of teaching our children

能不能不要教孩子

to be brave boys or pretty girls,

怎么做勇敢的男生或漂亮的女生，

can we maybe just teach them how to be good humans?

而教他们去做好人吗？

So back to my dad.

再回来说说我爸。

Growing up, yeah, like every boy, I had my fair share of issues,

从小到大，像任何一个男生一样， 我也有自己的问题，

but now I realize that it was even thanks to his sensitivity

但现在我意识到是因为他的敏感

and emotional intelligence

和情商，

that I am able to stand here right now talking to you in the first place.

我才能够站在这里和你们说话。

The resentment I had for my dad I now realize had nothing to do with him.

过去对我父亲的怨恨， 我现在发现和他没关系

It had everything to do with me and my longing to be accepted

全是和我，我对被接受的渴望

and to play a role that was never meant for me.

和做我不该做的职责的关系。

So while my dad may have not taught me how to use my hands,

所以尽管我父亲没有教我怎么用手，

he did teach me how to use my heart,

他教会了我怎么用心，

and to me that makes him more a man than anything.

对我来说这让他成为了 比任何人都伟大的父亲。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）