Why I have coffee with people who send me hate mail | Özlem Cekic

Translator: Doris Mangalu Reviewer: Nelson Simfukwe

My inbox is full of hate mails and personal abuse

Kisanduku pokezi changu kimejaa barua za chuki na matusi binafsi

and has been for years.

na imekua hivi kwa miaka.

In 2010, I started answering those mails

Mwaka 2010, nilianza kujibu barua hizo

and suggesting to the writer that we might meet for coffee and a chat.

na kumshauri anaeandika kua tunaweza kukutana kwa kahawa na maongezi.

I have had hundreds of encounters.

Nimeshakuwa na mamia ya hali hizo.

They have taught me something important that I want to share with you.

Wamenifundisha kitu muhimu ninachotaka kuwashirikisha.

I was born in Turkey from Kurdish parents

Nimezaliwa Uturuki kwa wazazi kutoka Kurdish

and we moved to Denmark when I was a young child.

na tukahamia Denmark nilivyokua mtoto mdogo.

In 2007, I ran for a seat in the Danish parliament

Mwaka 2007, niligombania kiti kwenye bunge la Denmark

as one of the first women with a minority background.

kama moja wa wanawake wa kwanza walio na chimbuko kutoka jamii ndogo.

I was elected,

Nikachaguliwa,

but I soon found out that not everyone was happy about it

lakini mara nikagundua kua si kila mtu alifurahishwa

as I had to quickly get used to finding hate messages in my inbox.

ilivyonibidi kuzoea haraka kupata ujumbe wa chuki kwenye kisanduku pokezi.

Those emails would begin with something like this:

Hizo barua zingeanza na kitu kama hiki:

"What's a raghead like you doing in our parliament?"

"Mvaa kilemba kama wewe anafanya nini bungeni kwetu?"

I never answered.

Sikuwahi kujibu.

I'd just delete the emails.

Ninafuta tu hizo barua.

I just thought that the senders and I had nothing in common.

Nawaza tu kua watumaji na mimi hatuna mfanano wowote.

They didn't understand me,

Hawakunielewa mimi,

and I didn't understand them.

na mimi sikuwaelewa wao.

Then one day, one of my colleagues in the parliament said

Ndipo siku moja, mwenzangu mmoja kwenye bunge akasema

that I should save the hate mails.

kua ningetakiwa kutunza barua za chuki.

"When something happens to you, it will give the police a lead."

"Pale kitu kinapokutokea, itawapa polisi mwongozo."

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

I noticed that she said, "When something happens" and not "if."

Niliona kua alisema, "Pale kitu kinapotokea" na sio "kama."

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

Sometimes hateful letters were also sent to my home address.

Mara nyingine barua za chuki zilitumwa kwenye anwani ya nyumbani pia.

The more I became involved in public debate,

Kadri nilivyozidi kuhusika kwenye mjadala wa umma,

the more hate mail and threats I received.

nilipokea barua za chuki na vitisho kwa wingi.

After a while, I got a secret address

Baada ya mda, nikapata anwani ya siri

and I had to take extra precautions to protect my family.

na ilibidi nichukue tahadhari ya ziada kulinda familia yangu.

Then in 2010, a Nazi began to harass me.

Kisha mwaka 2010, Mnazi alianza kuniyanyasa.

It was a man who had attacked Muslim women on the street.

Ilikua ni mtu alieshambulia wanawake Waislamu barabarani.

Over time, it became much worse.

Baada ya muda, ikawa mbaya zaidi.

I was at the zoo with my children, and the phone was ringing constantly.

Nilikua bustani ya mwanyama na wanangu, na simu ilikua ikiita mara kwa mara.

It was the Nazi.

Ilikua ni yule Nazi.

I had the impression that he was close.

Nilikua na hisia kua yuko karibu.

We headed home.

Tukaelekea nyumbani.

When we got back,

Tulivyorudi,

my son asked, "Why does he hate you so much, Mom,

kijana wangu akauliza, "Kwanini anakuchukia sana, Mama,

when he doesn't even know you?"

wakati hata hakujui?"

"Some people are just stupid," I said.

"Kuna watu ni wajinga tu," Nilisema.

And at the time, I actually thought that was a pretty clever answer.

Na mda huo, ki ukweli niliwaza kua hilo lilikua jibu lenye werevu.

And I suspect that that is the answer most of us would give.

Na nikahisi kua hilo ndo jibu wengi wetu wangetoa.

The others --

Wengine --

they are stupid, brainwashed, ignorant.

ni wapumbavu, wafwata mikumbo, wajinga.

We are the good guys and they are the bad guys, period.

Sisi ndio watu wazuri na wao ndio watu wabaya, mwisho.

Several weeks later I was at a friend's house,

Wiki kadhaa baadae nilikua nyumbani kwa rafiki yangu,

and I was very upset and angry about all the hate and racism I had met.

na nilikua nimesikitika kweli na hasira kuhusu chuki zote na ubaguzi wa rangi nliokutana nao.

It was he who suggested that I should call them up

Ilikua ni yeye aliependekeza natakiwa niwapigie

and visit them.

na niwatembelee.

"They will kill me," I said.

"Wataniua," nilisema.

"They would never attack a member of the Danish Parliament," he said.

"Hawawezi kushambulia mshiriki wa bunge la Denmark," alisema.

"And anyway, if they killed you, you would become a martyr."

"Na hata hivyo, kama wakikuua, utakua shahidi."

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

"So it's pure win-win situation for you."

"Hivyo kwako utakua umeshinda pande zote."

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

His advice was so unexpected,

Ushauri wake ulikua usiotarajiwa,

when I got home,

nilipofika nyumbani,

I turned on my computer

nikawasha kompyuta

and opened the folder where I had saved all the hate mail.

na nikafungua kabrasha ambalo nilitunza barua zote za chuki.

There were literally hundreds of them.

Ki halisi ilikua ma mia ya barua.

Emails that started with words like "terrorist,"

Barua zilizoanza na maneno kama "ugaidi,"

"raghead,"

"mvaa kilemba,"

"rat," "whore."

"panya," "kahaba."

I decided to contact the one who had sent me the most.

Nikaamua kuwasiliana na yule alienitumia nyingi.

His name was Ingolf.

Jina lake lilikua Ingolf.

I decided to contact him just once so I could say at least I had tried.

Niliamua kuwasiliana nae mara moja tu ili niseme angalau nilijaribu.

To my surprise and shock,

Kwa mshangao na mshtuko wangu,

he answered the phone.

alijibu simu yake,

I blurted out, "Hello, my name is Özlem. You have sent me so many hate mails.

Nikaropoka, "Habari, jina langu ni Ozlem. Umenitumia barua pepe nyingi za chuki.

You don't know me, I don't know you.

Hunijui, sikujui.

I was wondering if I could come around and we can drink a coffee together

Nilikua nawaza kama naweza kuja na kunywa kahawa pamoja

na kuongelea kuhusu hilo?"

and talk about it?"

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

There was silence on the line.

Kulikua na ukimya kwenye laini.

And then he said,

Na kisha akasema,

"I have to ask my wife."

"Itabidi nimuulize mke wangu,"

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

What?

Nini?

The racist has a wife?

Mbaguzi wa rangi ana mke?

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

A couple of days later, we met at his house.

Siku kadhaa mbeleni, tulikutana nyumbani kwake.

I will never forget when he opened his front door

Sitokaa kusahau alivyofungua mlango wake wa mbele

and reached out to shake my hand.

na kutoka na kunipa mkono.

I felt so disappointed.

Nilisikitika sana.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

because he looked nothing like I'd imagined.

kwa sababu hakuonekana chochote nilichomfikiria.

I had expected a horrible person --

Nilitegemea mtu wa kutisha --

dirty, messy house.

mchafu, nyumba chafu.

It was not.

Haikua hivyo.

His house smelled of coffee

Nyumba yake ilinukia kahawa

which was served from a coffee set identical to the one my parents used.

iliohudumiwa kwenye kiwekea kahawa kilichofanana na cha wazazi wangu.

I ended up staying for two and a half hours.

Nikaishia kubaki kwa masaa mawili na nusu.

And we had so many things in common.

Na tulikua na vitu vingi vya tunafanana.

Even our prejudices were alike.

Ata chuki zetu zilikua zinafanana.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

Ingolf told me that when he waits for the bus

Ingolf aliniambia kua anapongojea basi

and the bus stops 10 meters away from him,

na basi linasimama mita 10 mbali na yeye,

it was because the driver was a "raghead."

ilikua kwa sababu dereva alikua "mvaa kilemba."

I recognized that feeling.

Nilitambua hio hisia.

When I was young

Nilivyokua mdogo

and I waited for the bus

na nikingoja basi

and it stopped 10 meters away from me,

na lingesimama mita 10 mbali na mimi,

I was sure that the driver was a racist.

nilikua nina uhakika dereva alikua mbaguzi wa rangi.

When I got home,

Nilipofika nyumbani,

I was very ambivalent about my experience.

nilikua nina mashaka kuhusu hio hali.

On the one hand, I really liked Ingolf.

Kwa upande mmoja, nilipendezwa kweli na Ingolf.

He was easy and pleasant to talk to,

Alikua rahisi na mzuri kuongea nae,

but on the other hand,

ila kwa upande mwingine,

I couldn't stand the idea of having so much in common

sikuweza kuvumilia wazo la kua na vitu vingi vinanvyofanana

with someone who had such clearly racist views.

na mtu ambae ni wazi ana mtazamo wa ubaguzi wa rangi.

Gradually,

Taratibu,

and painfully,

na kwa maumivu,

I came to realize

nikaja kutambua

that I had been just as judgmental of those who had sent me hate mails

kua nilikua mhukumu kama tu wale waliokua wakinitumia barua za chuki

as they had been of me.

kama zilivyokua kwangu.

This was the beginning of what I call #dialoguecoffee.

Huu ulikua mwanzo wa nilichoita #mazungumzokahawa.

Basically, I sit down for coffee

Kimsingi, nakaa kwa kahawa

with people who have said the most terrible things to me

na watu waliosema mambo ya kutisha kwangu

to try to understand why they hate people like me

na kujaribu kuelewa kwanini wanachukia watu kama mimi

when they don't even know me.

wakati hata hawanijui.

I have been doing this the last eight years.

Nimekua nikifanya hivi miaka nane iliopita.

The vast majority of people I approach agree to meet me.

Idadi kubwa ya watu ninaowafuata wanakubali kukutana nami.

Most of them are men,

Wengi wao ni wanaume,

but I have also met women.

lakini nimekutana pia na wanawake.

I have made it a rule to always meet them in their house

Nimefanya kama kanuni kukutana nyumbani kwao daima

to convey from the outset that I trust them.

kuonyesha kwa nje kua ninawaamini.

I always bring food because when we eat together,

Naleta chakula mara kwa mara kwa sababu tunapokula pamoja,

it is easier to find what we have in common

ni rahisi kujua nini tunacho cha kufanana

and make peace together.

na kuwa na amani kwa pamoja.

Along the way, I have learned some valuable lessons.

Pamoja na njia hii, nimejifunza mafunzo ya thamani.

The people who sent hate mails are workers,

Watu waliotuma barua za chuki ni wafanyakazi,

husbands, wives,

waume, wake,

parents like you and me.

wazazi kama wewe na mimi.

I'm not saying that their behavior is acceptable,

Sisemi kua tabia yao inakubalika,

but I have learned to distance myself from the hateful views

lakini nimejifunza kujiweka mbali na maoni ya chuki

without distancing myself from the person who's expressing those views.

bila kujiweka mbali na mtu anayetoa hayo maoni.

And I have discovered

Nimegundua

that the people I visit are just as afraid of people they don't know

kua watu ninaowatembelea wana uwoga kama tu wa watu wasiowajua

as I was afraid of them before I started inviting myself for coffee.

kama nilivyokua nawaogopa kabla sijaanza kujialika kwenye kahawa.

During these meetings, a specific theme keeps coming up.

Kwenye vikao hivi, mandhari maalum inaibuka.

It shows up regardless whether I'm talking to a humanist or a racist,

Inaonyesha kua bila kujai ninaongea na mwenye utu au mbaguzi wa rangi,

a man, a woman,

mwanaume. mwanamke,

a Muslim or an atheist.

Muislamu au mkanamungu.

They all seem to think

Wote wanaonekana kufikiri

that other people are to blame for the hate

kua watu wengine ndio wa kulaumiwa kwa hizo chuki

and for the generalization of groups.

na kwa kujumuisha makundi.

They all believe that other people have to stop demonizing.

Wote wanaamini kua watu wengine wanatakiwa kuacha ushetani.

They point at politicians, the media, their neighbor

Wananyooshea wanasiasa, vyombo vya habari, na jirani zao

or the bus driver who stops 10 meters away.

au dereva wa basi anaesimama mita 10 mbali.

But when I asked, "What about you?

Lakini nilivyouliza, "Wewe je?

What can you do?",

Wewe unaweza kufanya nini?",

the reply is usually,

jibu ni kama kawaida,

"What can I do?

"Nini naweza kufanya?

I have no influence.

Sina ushawishi.

I have no power."

Sina nguvu."

I know that feeling.

Najua hiyo hisia.

For a large part of my life,

Kwa mda mkubwa wa maisha yangu,

I also thought that I didn't have any power or influence --

Niliwaza pia kua sina nguvu au ushawishi --

even when I was a member of the Danish parliament.

hata nilivyokua mshiriki wa bunge la Denmark.

But today I know the reality is different.

Lakini leo najua ukweli ni tofauti.

We all have power and influence where we are,

Sisi sote tuna nguvu na ushawishi popote tulipo,

so we must never,

hivyo hatutakiwi kamwe,

never underestimate our own potential.

kamwe kushusha uwezo wetu.

The #dialoguecoffee meetings have taught me

Vikao vya #mazungumzokahawa vimenifundisha

that people of all political convictions can be caught demonizing

watu wa hukumu zote za kisiasa wanaweza jikuta wanawachukulia vibaya

the others with different views.

wale wengine wenye maoni tofauti.

I know what I'm talking about.

Najua ninachokiongelea.

As a young child, I hated different population groups.

Nikiwa mtoto mdogo, nilichukia makudi tofauti ya watu.

And at the time, my religious views were very extreme.

Na mda huo, maoni yangu ya kidini yalikua yamekithiri.

But my friendship with Turks, with Danes, with Jews and with racists

Lakini urafiki wangu na Waturuki, na Wadeni, na Wayahudi na wabaguzi wa rangi

has vaccinated me against my own prejudices.

umenichanjia dhidi ya chuki zangu mwenyewe.

I grew up in a working-class family,

Nilikua kwenye familia ya wafanya kazi,

and on my journey I have met many people who have insisted on speaking to me.

na kwenye safari yangu nimekutana na watu wengi waliosisitiza kuongea nami.

They have changed my views.

Wamebadilisha maoni yangu.

They have formed me as a democratic citizen and a bridge builder.

Wamenifanya kama mwananchi wa demokrasia na mjenga daraja.

If you want to prevent hate and violence,

Kama unataka kuzuia chuki na vurugu,

we have to talk to as many people as possible

tunatakiwa tuongee na watu wengi iwezekanavyo

for as long as possible

kwa mda mrefu uwezekanao

while being as open as possible.

tukiwa wawazi tunavyoweza.

That can only be achieved through debate,

Hio inaweza kufanikiwa kupitia malumbano,

critical conversation

maongezi ya muhimu

and insisting on dialogue that doesn't demonize people.

na kusisitiza kwenye mazungumzo yasiyofanya watu kuwa wabaya.

I'm going to ask you a question.

Nitawauliza swali moja.

I invite you to think about it when you get home and in the coming days,

Ninawakaribisha kulifikiria mkifika nyumbani na siku zinazokuja,

but you have to be honest with yourself.

lakini unatakiwa uwe mkweli na wewe mwenyewe.

It should be easy, no one else will know it.

Inatakiwa kuwa rahisi, hakuna mwingine atakaejua.

The question is this ...

Hilo swali ni hili ...

who do you demonize?

Ni nani unaemuona mbaya?

Do you think supporters of American President Trump are deplorables?

Unafikiri wafuasi wa Raisi wa Marekani Trump wana bahati mbaya?

Or that those who voted for Turkish President Erdoğan are crazy Islamists?

Au wale waliompigia kura Raisi wa Turkey Erdogan ni Waislamu wenye wazimu?

Or that those who voted for Le Pen in France are stupid fascists?

Au wale waliopiga kura kwa Le Pen Ufaransa ni wafashisti wajinga?

Or perhaps you think that Americans who voted for Bernie Sanders

Au pengine unafikiri kua Wamarekani waliompigia kura Bernie Sanders

are immature hippies.

ni wahuni wachanga.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

All those words have been used to vilify those groups.

Maneno yote hayo yametumika kuhakiri hayo makundi.

Maybe at this point, do you think I am an idealist?

Labda kwenye hatua hii, unafikiri mimi ni mdhanifu?

I want to give you a challenge.

Nataka nikupe changamoto.

Before the end of this year,

Kabla mwisho wa mwaka huu,

I challenge you to invite someone who you demonize --

nawaita kumkaribisha mtu unaemuona mbaya --

someone who you disagree with politically and/or culturally

mtu usiekubaliana nae kisiasa na/au kiutamaduni

and don't think you have anything in common with.

na unaefikiri hauna chochote mnachofanana.

I challenge you to invite someone like this to #dialoguecoffee.

Nawaita kualika mtu kama huyo kwenye #mazungumzokahawa.

Remember Ingolf?

Mnamkumbuka Ingolf?

Basically, I'm asking you to find an Ingolf in your life,

Kimsingi, nawaomba mmtafute Ignolf kwenye maisha yenu,

contact him or her

wasiliana nae

and suggest that you can meet for #dialoguecofee.

na pendekeza kua mkutane kwa #mazungumzokahawa.

When you start at #dialoguecoffee, you have to remember this:

Unapoanza kwenye #mazungumzokahawa, unatakiwa kukumbuka hili:

first, don't give up if the person refuses at first.

kwanza, usikate tamaa kama mtu akikataa mwanzoni.

Sometimes it's taken me nearly one year to arrange a #dialoguecoffee meeting.

Mara nyingine inanichukua karibia mwaka kupanga kikao cha #mazungumzokahawa.

Two:

Pili:

acknowledge the other person's courage.

tambua ujasiri wa yule mtu mwingine.

It isn't just you who's brave.

Sio wewe tu ambae ni jasiri.

The one who's inviting you into their home is just as brave.

Yule anaekualika nyumbani kwake ni jasiri pia.

Three:

Tatu:

don't judge during the conversation.

usihukumu kwenye mazungumzo.

Make sure that most of the conversation focuses on what you have in common.

Hakikisha kua mazungumzo mengi yanalenga vitu mnavyofanana.

As I said, bring food.

Kama nilivyosema, leta chakula.

And finally, remember to finish the conversation in a positive way

Na mwisho, kumbuka kumaliza mazungumzo vyema

because you are going to meet again.

kwa sababu mtakutana tena.

A bridge can't be built in one day.

Daraja haliwezi kujengwa siku moja.

We are living in a world where many people hold definitive and often extreme opinions

Tunaishi kwenye dunia ambayo watu wengi wanashikilia kiyakinifu na sana maoni yaliokithiri

about the others

kuhusu wengine

without knowing much about them.

bila kujua chochote kuhusu wao.

We notice of course the prejudices on the other side than in our own bases.

Tunaona bila shaka zile chuki za upande mwingine kuliko za kwetu.

And we ban them from our lives.

Na tunazizuia kwenye maisha yetu.

We delete the hate mails.

Tunafuta barua za chuki.

We hang out only with people who think like us

Tunatembea na watu wenye fikra kama zetu tu

and talk about the others in a category of disdain.

na kuongelea wengine kwenye aina isiyostahili.

We unfriend people on Facebook,

Tunasitisha urafiki huko Facebook,

and when we meet people who are discriminating

na tunapokutana watu wenye ubaguzi

or dehumanizing people or groups,

au wasio na utu kwa watu au makundi,

we don't insist on speaking with them to challenge their opinions.

hatusisitizi kuongea nao ili maoni yao yawe na changamoto.

That's how healthy democratic societies break down --

Hivyo ndivyo jinsi demokrasia yenye afya kwenye jamii inavunjika --

when we don't check the personal responsibility for the democracy.

tusipokagua wajibu wa mtu binafsi kwa ajili ya demokrasia.

We take the democracy for granted.

Tunachukua demokrasia kwa kupuuzia.

It is not.

Ambayo sio.

Conversation is the most difficult thing in a democracy

Mazungumzo ni jambo gumu sana kwenye demokrasia

and also the most important.

na pia muhimu sana.

So here's my challenge.

Hivyo, changamoto yangu ni hii.

Find your Ingolf.

Tafuta Ingolf wako.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

Start a conversation.

Anza mazungumzo.

Trenches have been dug between people, yes,

Mifereji imechimbwa kati ya watu, ndio,

but we all have the ability to build the bridges that cross the trenches.

lakini tunauwezo wa kujenga madaraja yanayovuka hio mifereji.

And let me end by quoting my friend,

Na naomba nimalizie kwa kumnukuu rafiki yangu,

Sergeot Uzan,

Sergeot Uzan,

who lost his son, Dan Uzan, in a terror attack

aliempoteza mwanae, Dan Uzan, kwenye shambulizi la kigaidi

on a Jewish synagogue in Copenhagen, 2015.

kwenye sinagogi la Kiyehudi huko Copenhagen, 2015.

Sergio rejected any suggestion of revenge

Sergio alikataa wazo lolote la kisasi

and instead said this ...

na badala yake akasema hivi ...

"Evil can only be defeated by kindness between people.

"Ubaya unashindwa tu kwa wema kati ya watu.

Kindness demands courage."

Wema unadai ujasiri."

Dear friends,

Wapendwa marafiki,

let's be courageous.

tuwe wajasiri.

Thank you.

Asanteni.

(Applause)

(Makofi)