Why I have coffee with people who send me hate mail | Özlem Cekic

Translator: Haslina Abdul Hardy Reviewer: Aznah Arshad

My inbox is full of hate mails and personal abuse

Peti masuk saya penuh dengan e-mel benci dan penghinaan bersifat peribadi

and has been for years.

selama bertahun-tahun.

In 2010, I started answering those mails

Pada 2010, saya mula membalas e-mel tersebut

and suggesting to the writer that we might meet for coffee and a chat.

dan mengajak penulisnya berjumpa untuk minum kopi dan berbual.

I have had hundreds of encounters.

Saya telah mengadakan ratusan pertemuan.

They have taught me something important that I want to share with you.

Pertemuan ini mengajar perkara penting yang ingin saya kongsikan.

I was born in Turkey from Kurdish parents

Saya dilahirkan di Turki oleh ibu bapa berbangsa Kurdi,

and we moved to Denmark when I was a young child.

dan kami berpindah ke Denmark semasa saya masih kecil.

In 2007, I ran for a seat in the Danish parliament

Pada 2007, saya bertanding untuk kerusi parlimen Denmark

as one of the first women with a minority background.

sebagai salah seorang wanita daripada golongan minoriti.

I was elected,

Saya terpilih,

but I soon found out that not everyone was happy about it

tetapi saya dapati bahawa tidak semua orang gembira,

as I had to quickly get used to finding hate messages in my inbox.

kerana saya perlu membiasakan diri menerima mesej benci dalam peti masuk saya

Those emails would begin with something like this:

E-mel tersebut dimulakan dengan ayat seperti ini:

"What's a raghead like you doing in our parliament?"

"Apa 'raghead' seperti kamu buat dalam parlimen kami?

I never answered.

Saya tak pernah jawab.

I'd just delete the emails.

Saya padamkan saja e-mel tersebut.

I just thought that the senders and I had nothing in common.

Saya hanya menganggap bahawa kami tiada persamaan.

They didn't understand me,

Mereka tidak memahami saya,

and I didn't understand them.

dan saya tidak memahami mereka.

Then one day, one of my colleagues in the parliament said

Satu hari, seorang rakan parlimen berkata

that I should save the hate mails.

bahawa saya harus menyimpan e-mel benci tersebut.

"When something happens to you, it will give the police a lead."

"Apabila sesuatu berlaku, ia akan memberi polis petunjuk."

(Laughter)

(Gelak tawa)

I noticed that she said, "When something happens" and not "if."

Saya perasan yang dia kata,

"Apabila sesuatu berlaku", dan bukan "jika".

(Laughter)

(Gelak tawa)

Sometimes hateful letters were also sent to my home address.

Kadang-kala, surat benci juga dihantar ke alamat rumah saya.

The more I became involved in public debate,

Semakin banyak saya terlibat dalam debat awam,

the more hate mail and threats I received.

semakin banyak surat benci dan ugutan saya terima.

After a while, I got a secret address

Akhirnya, saya mendapatkan alamat rahsia

and I had to take extra precautions to protect my family.

dan mengambil langkah keselamatan untuk melindungi keluarga saya.

Then in 2010, a Nazi began to harass me.

Pada 2010, seorang Nazi mula mengganggu saya.

It was a man who had attacked Muslim women on the street.

Dia seorang lelaki yang menyerang wanita Muslim di jalan.

Over time, it became much worse.

Semakin lama, gangguan itu semakin teruk.

I was at the zoo with my children, and the phone was ringing constantly.

Saya berada di zoo dengan anak-anak saya, dan telefon tidak henti-henti berdering.

It was the Nazi.

Nazi itu yang menelefon.

I had the impression that he was close.

Saya rasa seperti dia ada berdekatan.

We headed home.

Kami balik ke rumah.

When we got back,

Apabila tiba di rumah, anak lelaki saya bertanya,

my son asked, "Why does he hate you so much, Mom,

"Kenapa dia benci sangat dengan Ibu sedangkan dia tak kenal pun Ibu?"

when he doesn't even know you?"

"Some people are just stupid," I said.

"Sesetengah orang memang bodoh," saya jawab.

And at the time, I actually thought that was a pretty clever answer.

Pada masa itu, saya ingat itu jawapan yang agak bijak.

And I suspect that that is the answer most of us would give.

Dan saya rasa itu jawapan yang kebanyakan daripada kita berikan.

The others --

Orang lain --

they are stupid, brainwashed, ignorant.

mereka bodoh, otak telah dibasuh, tidak tahu apa-apa.

We are the good guys and they are the bad guys, period.

Kita orang baik dan mereka orang jahat, noktah.

Several weeks later I was at a friend's house,

Beberapa minggu kemudian, saya di rumah rakan,

and I was very upset and angry about all the hate and racism I had met.

dan saya sangat sedih dan marah

tentang semua kebencian dan sentimen perkauman yang saya jumpa.

It was he who suggested that I should call them up

Dia yang mencadangkan agar saya menelefon mereka

and visit them.

dan melawat mereka.

"They will kill me," I said.

"Mereka akan bunuh saya," saya kata.

"They would never attack a member of the Danish Parliament," he said.

"Mereka tidak akan menyerang seorang ahli Parlimen Denmark," dia kata.

"And anyway, if they killed you, you would become a martyr."

"Lagipun, jika mereka bunuh kamu, kamu akan mati syahid."

(Laughter)

(Gelak tawa)

"So it's pure win-win situation for you."

"Ini situasi menang-menang untuk kamu."

(Laughter)

(Gelak tawa)

His advice was so unexpected,

Nasihatnya amat tidak diduga.

when I got home,

Apabila tiba di rumah,

I turned on my computer

saya buka komputer

and opened the folder where I had saved all the hate mail.

dan buka fail yang saya simpan semua e-mel benci.

There were literally hundreds of them.

Terdapat beratus-ratus e-mel.

Emails that started with words like "terrorist,"

E-mel yang bermula dengan perkataan seperti "pengganas",

"raghead,"

"raghead",

"rat," "whore."

"tikus", "pelacur".

I decided to contact the one who had sent me the most.

Saya memutuskan untuk menghubungi orang yang menghantar paling banyak e-mel.

His name was Ingolf.

Namanya, Ingolf.

I decided to contact him just once so I could say at least I had tried.

Saya bercadang menelefon dia sekali sahaja agar saya boleh cakap saya telah cuba.

To my surprise and shock,

Di luar jangkaan saya dan saya terkejut,

he answered the phone.

dia jawab telefon.

I blurted out, "Hello, my name is Özlem. You have sent me so many hate mails.

Saya berkata laju, "Hello, saya Ozlem. Kamu hantar banyak e-mel kepada saya.

You don't know me, I don't know you.

Kita saling tidak mengenali.

I was wondering if I could come around and we can drink a coffee together

Bolehkah saya ke rumah kamu dan minum kopi bersama-sama

dan berbincang?

and talk about it?"

(Gelak tawa)

(Laughter)

There was silence on the line.

Senyap di hujung talian.

And then he said,

Kemudian, dia berkata,

"I have to ask my wife."

"Saya perlu tanya isteri saya."

(Laughter)

(Gelak tawa)

What?

Apa?

The racist has a wife?

Rasis ini ada isteri?

(Laughter)

(Gelak tawa)

A couple of days later, we met at his house.

Beberapa hari kemudian, kami bertemu di rumahnya.

I will never forget when he opened his front door

Saya tak akan lupa apabila dia membuka pintu

and reached out to shake my hand.

dan menghulurkan tangan untuk bersalaman dengan saya.

I felt so disappointed.

Saya rasa amat kecewa.

(Laughter)

(Gelak tawa)

because he looked nothing like I'd imagined.

Kerana dia tidak kelihatan seperti yang saya bayangkan.

I had expected a horrible person --

Saya jangkakan orang yang teruk --

dirty, messy house.

rumah kotor, bersepah.

It was not.

Tetapi tidak.

His house smelled of coffee

Rumahnya berbau kopi

which was served from a coffee set identical to the one my parents used.

yang dihidangkan dalam set kopi sama seperti ibu bapa saya gunakan.

I ended up staying for two and a half hours.

Akhirnya, saya duduk selama dua jam setengah.

And we had so many things in common.

Dan kami mempunyai banyak persamaan.

Even our prejudices were alike.

Malah, prejudis kami juga sama.

(Laughter)

(Gelak tawa)

Ingolf told me that when he waits for the bus

Ingolf memberitahu saya bahawa apabila dia menunggu bas

and the bus stops 10 meters away from him,

dan bas berhenti 10 meter dari dia,

it was because the driver was a "raghead."

itu kerana pemandu seorang "raghead".

I recognized that feeling.

Saya tahu perasaan itu.

When I was young

Semasa saya muda

and I waited for the bus

dan menunggu bas

and it stopped 10 meters away from me,

dan bas berhenti 10 meter dari saya,

I was sure that the driver was a racist.

Saya yakin pemandu itu rasis.

When I got home,

Apabila tiba di rumah,

I was very ambivalent about my experience.

perasaan saya bercampur-baur tentang pengalaman saya.

On the one hand, I really liked Ingolf.

Dari satu sudut, saya suka Ingolf.

He was easy and pleasant to talk to,

Dia seorang yang mudah dan senang diajak berbual,

but on the other hand,

tetapi dari sudut lain,

I couldn't stand the idea of having so much in common

saya tidak tahan dengan idea yang saya mempunyai banyak persamaan

with someone who had such clearly racist views.

dengan orang yang jelas mempunyai pandangan rasis.

Gradually,

Sedikit demi sedikit,

and painfully,

dan dengan peritnya,

I came to realize

saya sedar bahawa

that I had been just as judgmental of those who had sent me hate mails

saya juga menghakimi mereka yang menghantar saya e-mel benci

as they had been of me.

seperti mereka menghakimi saya.

This was the beginning of what I call #dialoguecoffee.

Ini merupakan permulaan kepada apa yang saya panggil #dialoguecoffee.

Basically, I sit down for coffee

Pada dasarnya, saya duduk minum kopi

with people who have said the most terrible things to me

dengan orang yang mengatakan perkara paling teruk kepada saya

to try to understand why they hate people like me

untuk memahami kenapa mereka membenci orang seperti saya

when they don't even know me.

sedangkan mereka tidak kenal saya.

I have been doing this the last eight years.

Saya telah mengadakan sesi ini sejak lapan tahun lalu.

The vast majority of people I approach agree to meet me.

Kebanyakan orang yang saya hubungi bersetuju untuk bertemu dengan saya.

Most of them are men,

Kebanyakannya lelaki,

but I have also met women.

tetapi saya juga pernah bertemu wanita.

I have made it a rule to always meet them in their house

Saya telah membuat peraturan untuk sentiasa bertemu di rumah mereka

to convey from the outset that I trust them.

untuk menunjukkan dari awal lagi bahawa saya mempercayai mereka.

I always bring food because when we eat together,

Saya selalu bawa makanan kerana apabila kita makan bersama-sama,

it is easier to find what we have in common

lebih mudah untuk mencari persamaan

and make peace together.

dan berdamai.

Along the way, I have learned some valuable lessons.

Sepanjang perjalanan ini, saya belajar beberapa pelajaran berharga.

The people who sent hate mails are workers,

Mereka yang menghantar e-mel benci adalah pekerja,

husbands, wives,

suami, isteri,

parents like you and me.

ibu bapa seperti kamu dan saya.

I'm not saying that their behavior is acceptable,

Saya bukan mengatakan bahawa kelakuan mereka boleh diterima,

but I have learned to distance myself from the hateful views

tetapi saya telah belajar untuk menjarakkan diri daripada pandangan benci

without distancing myself from the person who's expressing those views.

tanpa menjauhkan diri daripada orang yang menzahirkan pandangan tersebut.

And I have discovered

Dan saya telah menemui

that the people I visit are just as afraid of people they don't know

bahawa orang yang saya lawat takut kepada orang yang mereka tidak kenal

as I was afraid of them before I started inviting myself for coffee.

seperti saya takut kepada mereka sebelum saya mengajak mereka minum kopi.

During these meetings, a specific theme keeps coming up.

Semasa pertemuan ini, tema khusus sering timbul.

It shows up regardless whether I'm talking to a humanist or a racist,

Ia timbul tidak kira sama ada saya bercakap dengan humanis atau rasis,

a man, a woman,

lelaki, wanita,

a Muslim or an atheist.

Muslim atau ateis.

They all seem to think

Mereka semua berpandangan

that other people are to blame for the hate

bahawa orang lain patut dipersalahkan untuk kebencian

and for the generalization of groups.

dan untuk generalisasi kumpulan.

They all believe that other people have to stop demonizing.

Mereka percaya bahawa orang lain perlu berhenti mengeji orang.

They point at politicians, the media, their neighbor

Mereka menuding kepada ahli politik, media, jiran mereka

or the bus driver who stops 10 meters away.

atau pemandu bas yang berhenti 10 meter dari mereka.

But when I asked, "What about you?

Tetapi apabila ditanya, "Bagaimana dengan kamu?

What can you do?",

Apa yang kamu boleh buat?",

the reply is usually,

Jawapannya selalunya,

"What can I do?

"Apa yang boleh saya buat?

I have no influence.

Saya tiada pengaruh.

I have no power."

Saya tiada kuasa."

I know that feeling.

Saya tahu perasaan itu.

For a large part of my life,

Untuk sebahagian besar hidup saya,

saya juga ingat bahawa saya tiada kuasa atau pengaruh --

I also thought that I didn't have any power or influence --

walaupun semasa saya seorang ahli parlimen Denmark.

even when I was a member of the Danish parliament.

But today I know the reality is different.

Kini, saya tahu realiti adalah sebaliknya.

We all have power and influence where we are,

Kita mempunyai kuasa dan pengaruh di mana saja kita berada,

so we must never,

jadi, jangan sesekali,

never underestimate our own potential.

jangan memandang rendah potensi kita sendiri.

The #dialoguecoffee meetings have taught me

Pertemuan #dialoguecoffee mengajar saya

that people of all political convictions can be caught demonizing

bahawa manusia tanpa mengira fahaman politik, ada yang mengeji

the others with different views.

orang lain yang mempunyai pandangan berbeza.

Saya tahu apa yang saya katakan ini.

I know what I'm talking about.

As a young child, I hated different population groups.

Semasa kecil, saya benci kumpulan populasi yang berlainan.

And at the time, my religious views were very extreme.

Pada masa itu, pandangan agama saya sangat ekstrim.

But my friendship with Turks, with Danes, with Jews and with racists

Tetapi persahabatan dengan orang Turki, Denmark, Yahudi dan rasis

has vaccinated me against my own prejudices.

telah mengimunkan saya daripada prejudis saya sendiri.

I grew up in a working-class family,

Saya membesar dalam keluarga kelas pekerja

and on my journey I have met many people who have insisted on speaking to me.

dan sepanjang perjalanan saya, saya bertemu dengan ramai orang

yang telah mendesak untuk bercakap dengan saya.

They have changed my views.

Mereka telah mengubah pandangan saya.

They have formed me as a democratic citizen and a bridge builder.

Mereka telah membentuk saya menjadi rakyat demokratik dan pembina jambatan.

If you want to prevent hate and violence,

Jika anda ingin menghalang kebencian dan keganasan,

we have to talk to as many people as possible

kita perlu bercakap dengan seramai orang mungkin,

for as long as possible

selama yang mungkin,

while being as open as possible.

sementara bersikap terbuka mungkin.

That can only be achieved through debate,

Ini hanya boleh dicapai melalui perdebatan,

critical conversation

perbualan kritikal

and insisting on dialogue that doesn't demonize people.

dan mendesak untuk dialog yang tidak mengeji orang.

I'm going to ask you a question.

Saya akan bertanya kepada anda satu soalan.

I invite you to think about it when you get home and in the coming days,

Saya menjemput anda untuk berfikir tentangnya

semasa di rumah dan hari-hari berikutnya.

but you have to be honest with yourself.

Tetapi anda perlu jujur dengan diri sendiri.

It should be easy, no one else will know it.

Mudah sahaja, orang lain tidak akan tahu.

The question is this ...

Soalannya ialah...

who do you demonize?

Siapa yang anda keji?

Do you think supporters of American President Trump are deplorables?

Adakah anda anggap penyokong Presiden Amerika, Trump, teruk?

Or that those who voted for Turkish President Erdoğan are crazy Islamists?

Atau mereka yang mengundi Presiden Turki, Erdogan, Islamis gila?

Or that those who voted for Le Pen in France are stupid fascists?

Atau mereka yang mengundi untuk Le Pen di Perancis, fasis bodoh?

Or perhaps you think that Americans who voted for Bernie Sanders

Atau mungkin anda anggap rakyat Amerika yang mengundi Bernie Sanders

are immature hippies.

hipi yang tidak matang.

(Laughter)

(Gelak tawa)

All those words have been used to vilify those groups.

Semua perkataan itu telah digunakan untuk mencerca kumpulan tersebut.

Maybe at this point, do you think I am an idealist?

Mungkin pada ketika ini, anda anggap saya seorang idealis?

I want to give you a challenge.

Saya ingin mencabar anda.

Before the end of this year,

Sebelum penghujung tahun ini,

I challenge you to invite someone who you demonize --

Saya cabar anda untuk menjemput seseorang yang anda keji --

someone who you disagree with politically and/or culturally

seseorang yang anda tidak bersetuju secara politik dan/atau budaya

and don't think you have anything in common with.

dan rasakan anda tiada persamaan.

I challenge you to invite someone like this to #dialoguecoffee.

Saya cabar anda untuk menjemput orang seperti ini ke #dialoguecoffee.

Remember Ingolf?

Ingat Ingolf?

Basically, I'm asking you to find an Ingolf in your life,

Secara mudahnya, saya meminta anda mencari seorang Ingolf dalam hidup anda,

contact him or her

hubungi dia

and suggest that you can meet for #dialoguecofee.

dan ajak dia berjumpa untuk #dialoguecoffee

When you start at #dialoguecoffee, you have to remember this:

Jika anda memulakan #dialoguecoffee, ingat ini:

first, don't give up if the person refuses at first.

Pertama, jangan berputus asa jika orang tersebut menolak pada mulanya.

Sometimes it's taken me nearly one year to arrange a #dialoguecoffee meeting.

Kadang-kala, saya ambil masa setahun untuk aturkan pertemuan #dialoguecoffee.

Two:

Kedua,

acknowledge the other person's courage.

akui keberanian orang tersebut.

It isn't just you who's brave.

Bukan anda sahaja yang berani.

The one who's inviting you into their home is just as brave.

Orang yang menjemput anda masuk ke rumahnya juga berani.

Three:

Ketiga,

don't judge during the conversation.

jangan menghakimi semasa perbualan.

Make sure that most of the conversation focuses on what you have in common.

Pastikan sebahagian besar perbualan tertumpu pada persamaaan anda.

As I said, bring food.

Seperti yang saya kata, bawa makanan.

And finally, remember to finish the conversation in a positive way

Akhirnya, akhiri perbualan secara positif

because you are going to meet again.

kerana anda akan bertemu lagi.

A bridge can't be built in one day.

Jambatan tidak dibina dalam satu hari.

We are living in a world where many people hold definitive and often extreme opinions

Di dunia ini, ramai orang hanya berpegang pada satu pandangan yang selalunya ekstrim

about the others

tentang orang lain

without knowing much about them.

tanpa mengenali mereka.

We notice of course the prejudices on the other side than in our own bases.

Kita nampak prejudis orang lain berbanding prejudis kita.

And we ban them from our lives.

Dan kita melarang mereka daripada hidup kita.

We delete the hate mails.

Kita padamkan e-mel benci.

We hang out only with people who think like us

Kita hanya keluar dengan orang yang berfikiran sama dengan kita

and talk about the others in a category of disdain.

dan bercakap tentang orang lain dengan hina.

We unfriend people on Facebook,

Kita 'nyah kawan' orang di Facebook.

and when we meet people who are discriminating

Dan apabila kita bertemu dengan orang yang mendiskriminasi

or dehumanizing people or groups,

atau menyahinsanikan orang atau kumpulan,

we don't insist on speaking with them to challenge their opinions.

kita tidak mendesak bercakap dengan mereka untuk mencabar pendapat mereka.

That's how healthy democratic societies break down --

Begitulah cara masyarakat demokratik yang sihat berpecah-belah --

when we don't check the personal responsibility for the democracy.

apabila kita tidak melihat tanggungjawab peribadi dalam demokrasi.

We take the democracy for granted.

Kita mengambil mudah demokrasi.

It is not.

Demokrasi tidak mudah.

Conversation is the most difficult thing in a democracy

Perbualan ialah perkara paling sukar dalam demokrasi

and also the most important.

dan juga yang paling penting.

So here's my challenge.

Jadi, ini cabaran saya.

Find your Ingolf.

Cari Ingolf anda.

(Laughter)

(Gelak tawa)

Start a conversation.

Mulakan perbualan.

Trenches have been dug between people, yes,

Jurang telah digali, ya...

but we all have the ability to build the bridges that cross the trenches.

tetapi kita berupaya membina jambatan yang merentasi jurang tersebut.

And let me end by quoting my friend,

Dan saya ingin memetik kata-kata kawan saya,

Sergeot Uzan,

Sergeot Uzan,

who lost his son, Dan Uzan, in a terror attack

yang kehilangan anak lelakinya, Dan Uzan, dalam serangan keganasan

on a Jewish synagogue in Copenhagen, 2015.

ke atas saumaah Yahudi di Copenhagen, 2015.

Sergio rejected any suggestion of revenge

Sergeot menolak sebarang cadangan untuk membalas dendam

and instead said this ...

dan sebaliknya berkata,

"Evil can only be defeated by kindness between people.

"Kejahatan hanya boleh ditewaskan dengan kebaikan antara manusia.

Kindness demands courage."

Kebaikan memerlukan keberanian."

Dear friends,

Wahai rakan-rakan,

let's be courageous.

mari menjadi berani.

Thank you.

Terima kasih.

(Applause)

(Tepukan)