Why I have coffee with people who send me hate mail | Özlem Cekic

Translator: Anne Wedege Reviewer: Lars Hansen

My inbox is full of hate mails and personal abuse

Min indbakke er fyldt med hade-emails og personlige fornærmelser.

and has been for years.

Det har den været i årevis.

In 2010, I started answering those mails

I 2010 begyndte jeg at besvare disse emails

and suggesting to the writer that we might meet for coffee and a chat.

og spurgte afsenderen, om vi skulle mødes til kaffe og en snak.

I have had hundreds of encounters.

Jeg har haft hundredvis af møder.

They have taught me something important that I want to share with you.

De har lært mig noget vigtigt, som jeg vil dele med jer.

I was born in Turkey from Kurdish parents

Jeg er født i Tyrkiet af kurdiske forældre,

and we moved to Denmark when I was a young child.

og vi flyttede til Danmark, da jeg var lille.

In 2007, I ran for a seat in the Danish parliament

I 2007 stillede jeg op til valg til folketinget

as one of the first women with a minority background.

som en af de første kvinder med anden etnisk baggrund.

I was elected,

Jeg blev valgt ind,

but I soon found out that not everyone was happy about it

men ikke alle var glade for det,

as I had to quickly get used to finding hate messages in my inbox.

og jeg vænnede mig snart til at finde hade-emails i min indbakke.

Those emails would begin with something like this:

Disse emails kunne begynde med:

"What's a raghead like you doing in our parliament?"

''Hvad laver en fejlfarve som dig i vores folketing?''

I never answered.

Jeg svarede aldrig.

I'd just delete the emails.

Jeg slettede dem bare.

I just thought that the senders and I had nothing in common.

Jeg mente, at afsenderne og jeg intet havde tilfælles.

They didn't understand me,

De forstod mig ikke,

and I didn't understand them.

og jeg forstod ikke dem.

Then one day, one of my colleagues in the parliament said

Men en dag sagde en af mine kolleger i folketinget,

that I should save the hate mails.

at jeg skulle gemme hadebeskederne.

"When something happens to you, it will give the police a lead."

''Når der sker dig noget, har politiet noget at gå efter.''

(Laughter)

(Latter)

I noticed that she said, "When something happens" and not "if."

Jeg bemærkede, at hun sagde ''Når noget sker'' og ikke ''hvis''.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Sometimes hateful letters were also sent to my home address.

Nogle gange blev der også sendt hadebreve til mit hjem.

The more I became involved in public debate,

Jo mere jeg blev involveret i den offentlige debat,

the more hate mail and threats I received.

jo flere hadebreve og trusler modtog jeg.

After a while, I got a secret address

Efter et stykke tid fik jeg hemmelig adresse,

and I had to take extra precautions to protect my family.

og måtte sørge for beskyttelse af min familie.

Then in 2010, a Nazi began to harass me.

I 2010 begyndte en nazist at chikanere mig.

It was a man who had attacked Muslim women on the street.

Det var en mand, der havde overfaldet muslimske kvinder på gaden.

Over time, it became much worse.

Med tiden blev det meget værre.

I was at the zoo with my children, and the phone was ringing constantly.

Jeg var i Zoo med mine børn, og min telefon ringede hele tiden.

It was the Nazi.

Det var nazisten.

I had the impression that he was close.

Jeg fik indtryk af, at han var i nærheden.

We headed home.

Vi tog hjem.

When we got back,

Da vi kom hjem,

my son asked, "Why does he hate you so much, Mom,

spurgte min søn, ''Hvorfor hader han dig så meget, mor,

when he doesn't even know you?"

når han ikke engang kender dig?''.

"Some people are just stupid," I said.

''Nogle mennesker er dumme'' sagde jeg.

And at the time, I actually thought that was a pretty clever answer.

På det tidspunkt syntes jeg faktisk, at det var et ret klogt svar.

And I suspect that that is the answer most of us would give.

Og jeg regner med, at det er det svar, de fleste af os ville give.

The others --

De andre ...

they are stupid, brainwashed, ignorant.

er dumme, hjernevaskede, uvidende.

We are the good guys and they are the bad guys, period.

Vi er de gode, og de er de onde, punktum.

Several weeks later I was at a friend's house,

Flere uger senere besøgte jeg en ven,

and I was very upset and angry about all the hate and racism I had met.

og jeg var meget oprevet over alt det had og racisme, jeg havde oplevet.

It was he who suggested that I should call them up

Så foreslog han, at jeg skulle ringe til dem

and visit them.

og besøge dem.

"They will kill me," I said.

''De slår mig ihjel,'' -

"They would never attack a member of the Danish Parliament," he said.

''De ville aldrig angribe et medlem af det danske folketing,'' sagde han.

"And anyway, if they killed you, you would become a martyr."

''Og hvis de dræbte dig, ville du blive martyr.''

(Laughter)

(Latter)

"So it's pure win-win situation for you."

''Så det er en klar win-win situation for dig.''

(Laughter)

(Latter)

His advice was so unexpected,

Hans råd var så uventet,

when I got home,

så da jeg kom hjem

I turned on my computer

tændte jeg computeren

and opened the folder where I had saved all the hate mail.

og åbnede mappen, hvor jeg havde gemt alle hadebeskederne

There were literally hundreds of them.

Der var i hundredevis.

Emails that started with words like "terrorist,"

Emails der begyndte med ''terrorist,''

"raghead,"

''fejlfarve,''

"rat," "whore."

''rotte,'' ''luder.''

I decided to contact the one who had sent me the most.

Jeg besluttede mig for at kontakte den, der havde sendt mig flest.

His name was Ingolf.

Hans navn var Ingolf.

I decided to contact him just once so I could say at least I had tried.

Jeg ville kontakte ham en enkelt gang, så jeg kunne sige, at jeg havde forsøgt.

To my surprise and shock,

Det chokerede mig,

he answered the phone.

at han tog telefonen.

I blurted out, "Hello, my name is Özlem. You have sent me so many hate mails.

Jeg udbrød: ''Hej, mit navn er Özlem. Du har sendt mig så mange hade-emails.

You don't know me, I don't know you.

Du kender ikke mig, jeg kender ikke dig.

I was wondering if I could come around and we can drink a coffee together

Måske kunne jeg komme forbi, og vi kunne drikke en kop kaffe sammen

and talk about it?"

og snakke om det?''

(Laughter)

(Latter)

There was silence on the line.

Der var stilhed på linjen.

And then he said,

Så sagde han:

"I have to ask my wife."

''Jeg må spørge min kone.''

(Laughter)

(Latter)

What?

Hvad?

The racist has a wife?

Har racisten en kone?

(Laughter)

(Latter)

A couple of days later, we met at his house.

Et par dage senere mødtes vi hjemme hos ham.

I will never forget when he opened his front door

Jeg vil aldrig glemme, da han åbnede døren

and reached out to shake my hand.

og gav mig hånden.

I felt so disappointed.

Jeg var så skuffet.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

because he looked nothing like I'd imagined.

for han så ikke ud, som jeg havde forestillet mig.

I had expected a horrible person --

Jeg havde forventet en forfærdelig person,

dirty, messy house.

et beskidt, uordentligt hus.

It was not.

Det var det ikke.

His house smelled of coffee

Hans hus duftede af kaffe,

which was served from a coffee set identical to the one my parents used.

som blev serveret af et kaffestel magen til mine forældres.

I ended up staying for two and a half hours.

Jeg blev i to en halv time.

And we had so many things in common.

Vi havde rigtig mange ting tilfælles.

Even our prejudices were alike.

Selv vore fordomme lignede hinanden.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Ingolf told me that when he waits for the bus

Ingolf fortalte mig, at når han venter på bussen,

and the bus stops 10 meters away from him,

og bussen stopper 10 meter fra ham,

it was because the driver was a "raghead."

var det fordi hans chauffør var en 'fejlfarve'.

I recognized that feeling.

Jeg genkendte den følelse.

When I was young

Da jeg var ung

and I waited for the bus

og ventede på bussen,

and it stopped 10 meters away from me,

og den stoppede 10 meter fra mig,

I was sure that the driver was a racist.

var jeg sikker på, at chaufføren var racist.

When I got home,

Da jeg kom hjem,

I was very ambivalent about my experience.

var jeg meget splittet omkring min oplevelse.

On the one hand, I really liked Ingolf.

På den ene side kunne jeg virkelig godt lide Ingolf.

He was easy and pleasant to talk to,

Han var nem og behagelig at snakke med.

but on the other hand,

Men på den anden side

I couldn't stand the idea of having so much in common

brød jeg mig ikke om at have så meget tilfælles

with someone who had such clearly racist views.

med en, der havde så åbenlyst racistiske synspunkter.

Gradually,

Gradvist

and painfully,

og smertefuldt,

I came to realize

måtte jeg indse,

that I had been just as judgmental of those who had sent me hate mails

at jeg havde dømt dem, der havde sendt mig hade-emails,

as they had been of me.

ligesom de havde dømt mig.

This was the beginning of what I call #dialoguecoffee.

Dette var begyndelsen på det, jeg kalder #dialogkaffe.

Basically, I sit down for coffee

Helt enkelt drikker jeg kaffe

with people who have said the most terrible things to me

med mennesker, der har sagt de frygteligste ting til mig

to try to understand why they hate people like me

for at forsøge at forstå, hvorfor de hader folk som mig,

when they don't even know me.

når de ikke engang kender mig.

I have been doing this the last eight years.

Jeg har gjort det de seneste otte år.

The vast majority of people I approach agree to meet me.

De fleste, jeg kontakter, siger ja til at møde mig.

Most of them are men,

De fleste er mænd,

but I have also met women.

men jeg har også mødt kvinder.

I have made it a rule to always meet them in their house

Jeg har gjort det til en regel altid at møde dem i deres hjem

to convey from the outset that I trust them.

for at fortælle fra starten, at jeg føler tillid.

I always bring food because when we eat together,

Jeg har altid mad med, for når vi spiser sammen,

it is easier to find what we have in common

er det nemmere at finde det, vi har til fælles,

and make peace together.

og slutte fred.

Along the way, I have learned some valuable lessons.

Med tiden har jeg lært noget værdifuldt.

The people who sent hate mails are workers,

De, der sender hade-emails, er arbejdere,

husbands, wives,

ægtemænd, koner,

parents like you and me.

forældre ligesom dig og mig.

I'm not saying that their behavior is acceptable,

Jeg siger ikke, at deres opførsel er acceptabel,

but I have learned to distance myself from the hateful views

men jeg har lært at distancere mig fra deres hadefulde synspunkter

without distancing myself from the person who's expressing those views.

uden at tage afstand fra personen, som udtrykker disse synspunkter.

And I have discovered

Jeg har opdaget,

that the people I visit are just as afraid of people they don't know

at dem, jeg besøger, er ligeså bange for folk, de ikke kender,

as I was afraid of them before I started inviting myself for coffee.

som jeg var for dem, før jeg begyndte at invitere mig selv på kaffe.

During these meetings, a specific theme keeps coming up.

Under disse møder kommer der et særligt tema op.

It shows up regardless whether I'm talking to a humanist or a racist,

Det dukker op, uanset om jeg taler med en humanist eller en racist,

a man, a woman,

en mand, en kvinde,

a Muslim or an atheist.

en muslim eller en ateist.

They all seem to think

Det virker, som om de alle mener,

that other people are to blame for the hate

at andre mennesker er skyld i hadet

and for the generalization of groups.

og generaliseringen af grupper.

They all believe that other people have to stop demonizing.

De mener alle, at andre skal stoppe dæmoniseringen.

They point at politicians, the media, their neighbor

De peger på politikere, medier, deres nabo

or the bus driver who stops 10 meters away.

eller buschaufføren, som stopper 10 meter væk.

But when I asked, "What about you?

Men når jeg spørger: "Hvad med dig?

What can you do?",

Hvad kan du gøre?"

the reply is usually,

er svaret som regel:

"What can I do?

"Hvad jeg kan gøre?

I have no influence.

Jeg har ingen indflydelse.

I have no power."

Jeg har ingen magt."

I know that feeling.

Jeg kender den følelse.

For a large part of my life,

En stor del af mit liv

I also thought that I didn't have any power or influence --

følte jeg heller ikke, at jeg havde magt eller indflydelse...

even when I was a member of the Danish parliament.

ikke engang da jeg var medlem af folketinget.

But today I know the reality is different.

Men i dag ved jeg, at virkeligheden er anderledes.

We all have power and influence where we are,

Vi har alle magt og indflydelse der, hvor vi er,

so we must never,

så vi må aldrig,

never underestimate our own potential.

aldrig undervurdere vort eget potentiale.

The #dialoguecoffee meetings have taught me

#dialogkaffe møderne har lært mig,

that people of all political convictions can be caught demonizing

at folk af alle politiske overbevisninger kan tages i at dæmonisere

the others with different views.

dem med anderledes synspunkter.

I know what I'm talking about.

Jeg ved, hvad jeg taler om.

As a young child, I hated different population groups.

Da jeg var lille, hadede jeg anderledes befolkningsgrupper.

And at the time, my religious views were very extreme.

Dengang var mit religiøse synspunkt meget ekstremt.

But my friendship with Turks, with Danes, with Jews and with racists

Men mit venskab med tyrkere, danskere, jøde og racister

has vaccinated me against my own prejudices.

har vaccineret mig imod mine egne fordomme.

I grew up in a working-class family,

Jeg voksede op i en arbejderfamilie.

and on my journey I have met many people who have insisted on speaking to me.

Og jeg har mødt mange, som har insisteret på at tale med mig.

They have changed my views.

De har ændret mine synspunkter.

They have formed me as a democratic citizen and a bridge builder.

De har formet mig som demokrat, borger og brobygger.

If you want to prevent hate and violence,

Hvis vi skal forhindre had og vold,

we have to talk to as many people as possible

må vi tale med så mange som muligt -

for as long as possible

så længe som muligt

while being as open as possible.

og undervejs være så åben som muligt.

That can only be achieved through debate,

Det kan man kun opnå ved hjælp af debat

critical conversation

og kritisk samtale

and insisting on dialogue that doesn't demonize people.

og ved at insistere på en dialog, der ikke dæmoniserer folk.

I'm going to ask you a question.

Nu vil jeg stille jer et spørgsmål.

I invite you to think about it when you get home and in the coming days,

Jeg inviterer jer til at tænke over det, når I kommer hjem og de kommende dage,

but you have to be honest with yourself.

men I skal være ærlige over for jer selv.

It should be easy, no one else will know it.

Det skulle være nemt nok, der er ingen, der lytter.

The question is this ...

Spørgsmålet er:

who do you demonize?

Hvem dæmoniserer du?

Do you think supporters of American President Trump are deplorables?

Synes du, at præsident Trumps tilhængere er sørgelige?

Or that those who voted for Turkish President Erdoğan are crazy Islamists?

Eller at de, der stemte på tyrkiske præsiden Erdoğan er sindssyge islamister?

Or that those who voted for Le Pen in France are stupid fascists?

Eller at de, der stemte på Le Pen i Frankrig er dumme fascister?

Or perhaps you think that Americans who voted for Bernie Sanders

Eller måske synes du, at amerikanere, der stemte på Bernie Sanders

are immature hippies.

er umodne hippier?

(Laughter)

(Latter)

All those words have been used to vilify those groups.

Alle de ord har været brugt til at bagvaske de grupper.

Maybe at this point, do you think I am an idealist?

Synes du måske, at jeg er en idealist?

I want to give you a challenge.

Jeg vil give dig en udfordring.

Before the end of this year,

Inden et år

I challenge you to invite someone who you demonize --

udfordrer jeg dig til at invitere en, du dæmoniserer,

someone who you disagree with politically and/or culturally

en, du er uenig med politisk og/eller kulturelt

and don't think you have anything in common with.

og ikke synes, du har noget tilfælles med.

I challenge you to invite someone like this to #dialoguecoffee.

Jeg udfordrer dig til at invitere sådan en til #dialogkaffe.

Remember Ingolf?

Kan du huske Ingolf?

Basically, I'm asking you to find an Ingolf in your life,

Helt enkelt beder jeg dig om at finde en Ingolf i dit liv,

contact him or her

kontakte ham eller hende

and suggest that you can meet for #dialoguecofee.

og foreslå, at I mødes til #dialogkaffe.

When you start at #dialoguecoffee, you have to remember this:

Når du begynder en #dialogkaffe, skal du huske:

first, don't give up if the person refuses at first.

For det første, giv ikke op, hvis personen ikke vil.

Sometimes it's taken me nearly one year to arrange a #dialoguecoffee meeting.

Nogen gange har det taget mig næsten et år at arrangere et #dialogkaffe-møde.

Two:

For det andet,

acknowledge the other person's courage.

anerkend den anden persons mod.

It isn't just you who's brave.

Det er ikke kun dig, som er modig.

The one who's inviting you into their home is just as brave.

Den, der inviterer dig hjem, er lige så modig.

Three:

For det tredje,

don't judge during the conversation.

døm ikke undervejs i samtalen.

Make sure that most of the conversation focuses on what you have in common.

Sørg for, at det meste af samtalen fokuserer på, hvad I har til fælles.

As I said, bring food.

Og som jeg sagde, medbring mad.

And finally, remember to finish the conversation in a positive way

Og til sidst, husk at slutte samtalen positivt,

because you are going to meet again.

for I skal ses igen.

A bridge can't be built in one day.

En bro kan ikke bygges på en dag.

We are living in a world where many people hold definitive and often extreme opinions

Vi lever i en verden, hvor mange har definitive og ekstreme meninger

about the others

om andre

without knowing much about them.

uden at vide særlig meget om dem.

We notice of course the prejudices on the other side than in our own bases.

Vi ser nemmere fordommene hos de andre end hos vore egne.

And we ban them from our lives.

Og vi bandlyser dem.

We delete the hate mails.

Vi sletter hade-emails.

We hang out only with people who think like us

Vi er kun sammen med dem, som tænker ligesom os

and talk about the others in a category of disdain.

og taler om andre med foragt.

We unfriend people on Facebook,

Vi fjerner venner på Facebook,

and when we meet people who are discriminating

og når vi møder folk, der diskriminerer

eller nedgør folk eller grupper,

or dehumanizing people or groups,

we don't insist on speaking with them to challenge their opinions.

insisterer vi ikke på at tale med dem for at udfordre deres meninger.

That's how healthy democratic societies break down --

Det er sådan sunde demokratiske samfund nedbrydes,

when we don't check the personal responsibility for the democracy.

når vi ikke vægter det personlige ansvar for demokratiet.

We take the democracy for granted.

Vi tager demokratiet for givet.

It is not.

Det er det ikke.

Conversation is the most difficult thing in a democracy

Samtaler er det sværeste i et demokrati

and also the most important.

og det allervigtigste.

So here's my challenge.

Så her er min udfordring.

Find your Ingolf.

Find din Ingolf.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Start a conversation.

Begynd at tale sammen.

Trenches have been dug between people, yes,

Der er blevet gravet skyttegrave, ja,

but we all have the ability to build the bridges that cross the trenches.

men vi ejer alle evnen til at bygge broer over skyttegravene.

And let me end by quoting my friend,

Lad mig slutte med at citere min ven,

Sergeot Uzan,

Sergeot Uzan,

who lost his son, Dan Uzan, in a terror attack

som mistede sin søn, Dan Uzan, under et terrorangreb

on a Jewish synagogue in Copenhagen, 2015.

på den jødiske synagoge i København i 2015.

Sergio rejected any suggestion of revenge

Sergeot afviste ethvert forslag om hævn

and instead said this ...

og sagde:

"Evil can only be defeated by kindness between people.

"Ondskab kan kun overvindes ved hjælp af venlighed.

Kindness demands courage."

Venlighed kræver mod."

Dear friends,

Kære venner,

let's be courageous.

lad os være modige.

Thank you.

Tak.

(Applause)

(Klapsalver)