Why I have coffee with people who send me hate mail | Özlem Cekic

Prevodilac: Dragana Savanovic Lektor: Ivana Korom

My inbox is full of hate mails and personal abuse

Moje sanduče je puno mejlova mržnje i zlostavljanja

and has been for years.

i to je tako godinama.

In 2010, I started answering those mails

Godine 2010. sam počela na njih da odgovaram

and suggesting to the writer that we might meet for coffee and a chat.

i predlažem pošiljaocu da bismo mogli da se nađemo na kafi i razgovoru.

I have had hundreds of encounters.

Imala sam stotine susreta.

They have taught me something important that I want to share with you.

I oni su me naučili nečemu važnom što želim da podelim sa vama.

I was born in Turkey from Kurdish parents

Rođena sam u Turskoj u porodici Kurda,

and we moved to Denmark when I was a young child.

a preselili smo se u Dansku kada sam bila dete.

In 2007, I ran for a seat in the Danish parliament

Godine 2007, kandidovala sam se za mesto u danskom parlamentu

as one of the first women with a minority background.

kao jedna od prvih žena manjinske pripadnosti.

I was elected,

Izabrana sam,

but I soon found out that not everyone was happy about it

ali sam uskoro saznala da nisu svi bili srećni zbog toga

as I had to quickly get used to finding hate messages in my inbox.

jer sam ubrzo morala da se naviknem na poruke mržnje u svom sandučetu.

Those emails would begin with something like this:

One bi počinjale ovako:

"What's a raghead like you doing in our parliament?"

„Šta turbandžija kao ti radi u našem parlamentu?“

I never answered.

Nisam odgovarala.

I'd just delete the emails.

Samo bih obrisala poruke.

I just thought that the senders and I had nothing in common.

Mislila sam da pošiljaoci i ja

nemamo ništa zajedničko.

They didn't understand me,

Nisu me razumeli, a ni ja njih.

and I didn't understand them.

Then one day, one of my colleagues in the parliament said

Jednog dana, koleginica iz parlamenta mi je rekla

that I should save the hate mails.

da bi trebalo da sačuvam poruke.

"When something happens to you, it will give the police a lead."

„Kada ti se nešto desi, policija će imati trag.“

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

I noticed that she said, "When something happens" and not "if."

Rekla je „Kada se desi“, a ne „ako“.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Sometimes hateful letters were also sent to my home address.

Ponekad bi mi pisma mržnje stizala na kućnu adresu.

The more I became involved in public debate,

Što sam više bila uključena u javnu debatu,

više poruka mržnje i pretnji sam dobijala.

the more hate mail and threats I received.

After a while, I got a secret address

Posle nekog vremena, dobila sam tajnu adresu,

and I had to take extra precautions to protect my family.

i preduzela sam mere opreza da bih zaštitila porodicu.

Then in 2010, a Nazi began to harass me.

Godine 2010. jedan Nacista je počeo da me uznemirava.

It was a man who had attacked Muslim women on the street.

Bio je to čovek koji je napao Muslimanku na ulici.

Over time, it became much worse.

Vremenom je postalo mnogo gore.

I was at the zoo with my children, and the phone was ringing constantly.

Bila sam u zoo vrtu sa decom, a telefon je non-stop zvonio.

It was the Nazi.

Bio je taj Nacista.

I had the impression that he was close.

Imala sam utisak da je blizu.

We headed home.

Krenuli smo kući.

When we got back,

Kada smo se vratili,

my son asked, "Why does he hate you so much, Mom,

sin me je pitao:

„Mama, zašto te toliko mrzi, kada te i ne poznaje?“

when he doesn't even know you?"

"Some people are just stupid," I said.

„Neki ljudi su prosto glupi“, rekla sam.

And at the time, I actually thought that was a pretty clever answer.

Tada sam mislila da je to prilično pametan odgovor.

And I suspect that that is the answer most of us would give.

Verovatno bi većina nas to rekla.

The others --

Drugi su glupi, ispran im je mozak

they are stupid, brainwashed, ignorant.

i neuki su.

We are the good guys and they are the bad guys, period.

Mi smo dobri, a oni loši ljudi, i tačka.

Several weeks later I was at a friend's house,

Nekoliko nedelja kasnije, bila sam kod prijatelja,

and I was very upset and angry about all the hate and racism I had met.

veoma uznemirena i ljuta zbog te mržnje i rasizma.

It was he who suggested that I should call them up

On je predložio da pozovem te ljude

and visit them.

i posetim ih.

"They will kill me," I said.

„Ubiće me“, rekla sam.

"They would never attack a member of the Danish Parliament," he said.

„Nikada ne bi napali članicu danskog parlamenta,“ rekao je.

"And anyway, if they killed you, you would become a martyr."

„A čak i ako te ubiju, postala bi mučenica.“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

"So it's pure win-win situation for you."

„Ti dobijaš u svakom slučaju.“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

His advice was so unexpected,

Njegov savet je bio tako neočekivan,

when I got home,

pa sam, kada sam stigla kući,

I turned on my computer

upalila računar

and opened the folder where I had saved all the hate mail.

i otvorila folder sa porukama.

There were literally hundreds of them.

Bukvalno ih je bilo na stotine.

Emails that started with words like "terrorist,"

Poruke su počinjale sa „teroristo“,

"raghead,"

„turbandžijo“

"rat," "whore."

„pacove“, „kurvo.“

I decided to contact the one who had sent me the most.

Kontaktirala sam onog koji mi je poslao najviše poruka.

His name was Ingolf.

Zvao se Ingolf.

I decided to contact him just once so I could say at least I had tried.

Kontaktirala sam ga samo jednom da mogu da kažem da sam bar probala.

To my surprise and shock,

Na moje iznenađenje i šok,

he answered the phone.

javio se.

I blurted out, "Hello, my name is Özlem. You have sent me so many hate mails.

Izbrbljala sam: „Zdravo, ja sam Ozlem. Poslali ste mi toliko poruka mržnje.

You don't know me, I don't know you.

Ne znate me, ja ne znam Vas.

I was wondering if I could come around and we can drink a coffee together

Da li bih mogla da svratim na kafu

i da popričamo?“

and talk about it?"

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

There was silence on the line.

S druge strane je bila tišina.

And then he said,

A onda je rekao:

"I have to ask my wife."

„Moram da pitam suprugu.“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

What?

Šta?

The racist has a wife?

Rasista ima suprugu?

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

A couple of days later, we met at his house.

Par dana kasnije sreli smo se kod njega.

I will never forget when he opened his front door

Nikada neću zaboraviti kada je otvorio vrata

and reached out to shake my hand.

i pružio mi ruku.

I felt so disappointed.

Bila sam razočarana.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

because he looked nothing like I'd imagined.

Nije izgledao kako sam zamišljala.

I had expected a horrible person --

Očekivala sam užasnu osobu -

dirty, messy house.

prljavu, neurednu kuću.

It was not.

A nije bila.

His house smelled of coffee

Mirisala je na kafu

which was served from a coffee set identical to the one my parents used.

posluženu u šoljicama kakve su moji roditelji koristili.

I ended up staying for two and a half hours.

Na kraju sam ostala dva i po sata.

And we had so many things in common.

Imali smo mnogo toga zajedničkog.

Even our prejudices were alike.

Čak i predrasude.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Ingolf told me that when he waits for the bus

Rekao mi je da kada čeka autobus

and the bus stops 10 meters away from him,

i on stane 10 metara od njega,

it was because the driver was a "raghead."

to je zato što je vozač „turbandžija“.

I recognized that feeling.

Bio mi je poznat taj osećaj.

When I was young

Kada sam bila mlada

and I waited for the bus

i čekala autobus,

and it stopped 10 meters away from me,

a on stane 10 metara od mene,

I was sure that the driver was a racist.

bila bih sigurna da je vozač rasista.

When I got home,

Kada sam stigla kući,

I was very ambivalent about my experience.

bila sam ambivalentna prema tom iskustvu.

On the one hand, I really liked Ingolf.

S jedne strane, svideo mi se Ingolf.

He was easy and pleasant to talk to,

Bilo je lako i prijatno pričati s njim,

but on the other hand,

a s druge strane,

nije mi se svidelo što imam toliko zajedničkog

I couldn't stand the idea of having so much in common

with someone who had such clearly racist views.

sa nekim ko je imao rasistička gledišta.

Gradually,

Postepeno,

and painfully,

i bolno,

I came to realize

shvatila sam da sam osuđivala one

that I had been just as judgmental of those who had sent me hate mails

koji su mi slali poruke mržnje

as they had been of me.

kao što su i oni mene.

This was the beginning of what I call #dialoguecoffee.

To je bio početak #razgovorauzkafu.

Basically, I sit down for coffee

U suštini, idem na kafu

with people who have said the most terrible things to me

sa ljudima koji su mi rekli grozne stvari

to try to understand why they hate people like me

da bih razumela zašto mrze ljude kao što sam ja

when they don't even know me.

kada me čak i ne poznaju.

I have been doing this the last eight years.

To radim već osam godina.

The vast majority of people I approach agree to meet me.

Većina ljudi je pristala da se vidi sa mnom.

Most of them are men,

Većina njih su muškarci,

but I have also met women.

ali je bilo i žena.

Donela sam pravilo da se uvek srećemo kod njih

I have made it a rule to always meet them in their house

to convey from the outset that I trust them.

da im odmah dam do znanja da im verujem.

I always bring food because when we eat together,

Uvek donesem hranu, jer, kada jedemo zajedno,

it is easier to find what we have in common

lakše je naći sličnosti među nama

and make peace together.

i zajednički jezik.

Along the way, I have learned some valuable lessons.

Usput sam naučila neke važne lekcije.

The people who sent hate mails are workers,

Ljudi koji šalju poruke mržnje

su radnici, muževi, supruge,

husbands, wives,

parents like you and me.

roditelji kao vi i ja.

I'm not saying that their behavior is acceptable,

Ne kažem da je njihovo ponašanje prihvatljivo,

but I have learned to distance myself from the hateful views

ali sam naučila da se distanciram od mrskih gledišta,

without distancing myself from the person who's expressing those views.

a da se ne distanciram od osobe koja ih izražava.

And I have discovered

I otkrila sam

that the people I visit are just as afraid of people they don't know

da se ti ljudi isto plaše nepoznatih ljudi kao što sam se i ja njih plašila

as I was afraid of them before I started inviting myself for coffee.

pre nego što sam počela da se pozivam na kafu.

During these meetings, a specific theme keeps coming up.

Tokom tih susreta uvek iskrsne jedna tema.

It shows up regardless whether I'm talking to a humanist or a racist,

Bez obzira na to da li pričam sa humanistom ili rasistom,

a man, a woman,

muškarcem, ženom,

a Muslim or an atheist.

Muslimanom ili ateistom.

They all seem to think

Izgleda da svi misle

that other people are to blame for the hate

da su drugi ljudi krivi za mržnju

and for the generalization of groups.

i generalizaciju grupa.

They all believe that other people have to stop demonizing.

Svi oni veruju da drugi moraju da prestanu da demonizuju.

They point at politicians, the media, their neighbor

Upiru prstom u političare, medije, komšije

or the bus driver who stops 10 meters away.

ili vozača autobusa koji staje 10 metara od vas.

But when I asked, "What about you?

Ali kada sam pitala: „Šta je sa vama?

What can you do?",

Šta vi možete uraditi?“,

the reply is usually,

odgovor je uglavnom:

"What can I do?

„Šta mogu da uradim?

I have no influence.

Ja nemam uticaj.

I have no power."

Ja nemam moć.“

I know that feeling.

Poznat mi je taj osećaj.

For a large part of my life,

Veliki deo svog života, i ja sam mislila

I also thought that I didn't have any power or influence --

da nemam moć ili uticaj -

even when I was a member of the Danish parliament.

čak i kao članica danskog parlamenta.

But today I know the reality is different.

Ali realnost je danas drugačija.

We all have power and influence where we are,

Svi imamo moć i uticaj,

so we must never,

zato ne smemo nikada, ali nikada,

never underestimate our own potential.

potcenjivati svoj potencijal.

The #dialoguecoffee meetings have taught me

Ovi #razgovoriuzkafu su me naučili

that people of all political convictions can be caught demonizing

da ljudi svih političkih ubeđenja mogu da demonizuju

the others with different views.

one sa drugačijim gledištima.

I know what I'm talking about.

Znam o čemu govorim.

As a young child, I hated different population groups.

Kao dete, mrzela sam razne populacijske grupe.

And at the time, my religious views were very extreme.

Tada su moja verska uverenja bila vrlo ekstremna.

But my friendship with Turks, with Danes, with Jews and with racists

Ali moje prijateljstvo sa Turcima, Dancima, Jevrejima i rasistima

has vaccinated me against my own prejudices.

vakcinisalo me je protiv sopstvenih predrasuda.

I grew up in a working-class family,

Odrasla sam u radničkoj porodici,

and on my journey I have met many people who have insisted on speaking to me.

i do sada sam srela mnoge ljude koji su insistirali da pričaju sa mnom.

They have changed my views.

Oni su promenili moja gledišta.

They have formed me as a democratic citizen and a bridge builder.

Napravili su od mene demokratu koji pravi mostove među ljudima.

If you want to prevent hate and violence,

Ako želite da sprečite mržnju i nasilje,

we have to talk to as many people as possible

morate pričati sa što više ljudi

for as long as possible

što je duže moguće,

while being as open as possible.

a da ste pritom što otvoreniji.

That can only be achieved through debate,

To se postiže jedino debatom,

critical conversation

kritičkim razgovorom i insistiranjem

and insisting on dialogue that doesn't demonize people.

na dijalogu koji ne demonizuje ljude.

I'm going to ask you a question.

Postaviću vam pitanje.

I invite you to think about it when you get home and in the coming days,

Razmislite o tome kada dođete kući i narednih dana,

but you have to be honest with yourself.

ali morate biti iskreni prema sebi.

It should be easy, no one else will know it.

Trebalo bi da je lako, i niko neće znati.

The question is this ...

Evo ga pitanje...

who do you demonize?

Koga vi demonizujete?

Do you think supporters of American President Trump are deplorables?

Da li mislite da su Trampove pristalice jadnici?

Or that those who voted for Turkish President Erdoğan are crazy Islamists?

Ili da su Erdoganovi glasači ludi islamisti?

Or that those who voted for Le Pen in France are stupid fascists?

Ili da su oni koji su glasali za Le Pen u Francuskoj glupi fašisti?

Or perhaps you think that Americans who voted for Bernie Sanders

Ili možda mislite da su Amerikanci koji su glasali za Bernija Sandersa

are immature hippies.

nezreli hipici?

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

All those words have been used to vilify those groups.

Sve te reči su se koristile da ocrne te grupe.

Maybe at this point, do you think I am an idealist?

Možda sada mislite da sam idealista?

I want to give you a challenge.

Dajem vam izazov.

Before the end of this year,

Do kraja godine, izazivam vas

I challenge you to invite someone who you demonize --

da pozovete nekog kog demonizujete -

someone who you disagree with politically and/or culturally

nekog sa kim se ne slažete politički i/ili kulturno

and don't think you have anything in common with.

i sa kim mislite da nemate ništa zajedničko.

I challenge you to invite someone like this to #dialoguecoffee.

Izazivam vas da takvu osobu pozovete na #razgovoruzkafu.

Remember Ingolf?

Sećate se Ingolfa?

Basically, I'm asking you to find an Ingolf in your life,

U suštini, tražim da nađete Ingolfa u svom životu,

contact him or her

da kontaktirate njega ili nju

and suggest that you can meet for #dialoguecofee.

i predložite susret.

When you start at #dialoguecoffee, you have to remember this:

Kada počnete sa njima morate zapamtiti ovo:

first, don't give up if the person refuses at first.

prvo, ne odustajte ako vas prvo odbije.

Sometimes it's taken me nearly one year to arrange a #dialoguecoffee meeting.

Ponekad mi je trebalo i do godinu dana da dogovorim #razgovoruzkafu.

Two:

Drugo:

acknowledge the other person's courage.

pozdravite hrabrost te osobe.

It isn't just you who's brave.

Niste samo vi hrabri.

The one who's inviting you into their home is just as brave.

Već i osoba koja vas poziva u svoj dom.

Three:

Treće:

don't judge during the conversation.

ne osuđujte tokom razgovora.

Make sure that most of the conversation focuses on what you have in common.

Pobrinite se da se većina razgovora vodi o onome što vam je zajedničko.

As I said, bring food.

Kao što sam rekla, ponesite hranu.

And finally, remember to finish the conversation in a positive way

I na kraju, završite razgovor pozitivno

because you are going to meet again.

jer ćete se sresti ponovo.

A bridge can't be built in one day.

Most se ne može sagraditi za jedan dan.

We are living in a world where many people hold definitive and often extreme opinions

Živimo u svetu u kome mnogi ljudi imaju

konačna i ekstremna mišljenja o drugima

about the others

without knowing much about them.

iako ih ne poznaju.

We notice of course the prejudices on the other side than in our own bases.

Primećujemo predrasude kod drugih, ali ne kod sebe.

And we ban them from our lives.

I zabranjujemo ih u svojim životima.

We delete the hate mails.

Brišemo poruke mržnje.

We hang out only with people who think like us

Družimo se samo sa istomišljenicima

and talk about the others in a category of disdain.

i pričamo o drugima sa prezirom.

We unfriend people on Facebook,

Brišemo ljude sa Fejsbuka,

and when we meet people who are discriminating

a kada upoznamo ljude koji diskriminišu

or dehumanizing people or groups,

ili dehumanizuju ljude ili grupe,

we don't insist on speaking with them to challenge their opinions.

ne insistiramo na razgovoru sa njima da izazovemo njihovo mišljenje.

That's how healthy democratic societies break down --

Tako zdrava demokratska društva pucaju -

when we don't check the personal responsibility for the democracy.

kada ne prihvatimo ličnu odgovornost za demokratiju.

We take the democracy for granted.

Uzimamo demokratiju zdravo za gotovo.

It is not.

A ne treba.

Conversation is the most difficult thing in a democracy

Razgovor je najteža stvar u demokratiji

and also the most important.

ali i najvažnija.

So here's my challenge.

Evo mog izazova.

Find your Ingolf.

Nađite svog Ingolfa.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Start a conversation.

Započnite razgovor.

Trenches have been dug between people, yes,

Rovovi su kopani među ljudima, da,

but we all have the ability to build the bridges that cross the trenches.

ali svi možemo da gradimo mostove preko tih rovova.

And let me end by quoting my friend,

Završiću citirajući prijatelja,

Sergeot Uzan,

Seržota Uzana,

who lost his son, Dan Uzan, in a terror attack

koji je izgubio sina, Dena Uzana, u terorističkom napadu

on a Jewish synagogue in Copenhagen, 2015.

na jevrejsku sinagogu u Kopenhagenu, 2015. godine.

Sergio rejected any suggestion of revenge

Seržot je odbio predloge o osveti

and instead said this ...

i, umesto toga, rekao:

"Evil can only be defeated by kindness between people.

„Zlo se može pobediti jedino dobrotom među ljudima.

Kindness demands courage."

Dobrota zahteva hrabrost.“

Dear friends,

Dragi prijatelji,

let's be courageous.

budimo hrabri.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)