An intergalactic guide to using a defibrillator | Todd Scott

Translator: Clarence Bitegeko Reviewer: Joachim Mangilima

Last year, I got a chance to watch the new "Star Wars" movie,

Mwaka jana, niliweza kutazama sinema mpya ya "Star Wars",

ilifana sana,

which was fantastic,

ila kitu kimoja kimenisumbua sana.

but one thing kept bugging me.

Sijui kama nyinyi mmekiona au la

I don't know if you noticed this or not.

katika ulimwengu huu wa kitekinolojia,

In this entirely technically advanced world,

sikuona hata AED moja pahala popote

I did not see a single AED anywhere,

which was totally shocking --

kitu ambacho kilishangaza sana

almost as shocking as not knowing what an AED is,

cha kushangaza kama kutokujua AED ni nini

ambayo nyinyi mwafahamu

which you guys do know.

But for those at home,

Lakini kwa walio nyumbani

an AED is an automated external defibrillator.

AED ni kifaa cha kupima na kurekebisha mapigo ya moyo

It's the device you use when your heart goes into cardiac arrest

ni kifaa unachotumia upatapo mshtuko wa moyo,

to shock it back into a normal rhythm,

kuurudisha katika mapigo ya kawaida,

or, as one of the guys I was teaching a class to referred to it as:

au kama mwanafunzi wangu mmoja alipenda kukiita

"Sanduku la moyo unaoshtuka"

"The shocky-hearty-box thing."

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

But I really can't blame the Empire,

Lakini kwa kweli siwezi kuulaumu utawala

sababu kanuni za afya na usalama hakika

since health and safety regulations

aren't really their first order of business.

si mambo ya kipaumbele kwao

Though, even if we --

Ingawa, hata kama tuta --

I think worse than not having an AED would be if there was one there,

Nafikiri kibaya kuliko kukosa AED kingekuwa kama ingekuwepo moja pale

but just, no one knew where to find it.

lakini, hakuna anayejua wapi inapatikana

Vifaa hivi vinaweza kwa kiasi kikubwa kuongeza nafasi yako ya kuishi -

These devices can drastically increase your chance of survival --

almost like a tauntaun on Hoth.

yaani kama mijusi ya Hoth.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

But I'm pretty sure that stormtrooper is going to be toast,

Lakini nina uhakika stormtrooper atakauka tu,

regardless if we have an AED or not,

vyovyote vile tuwe na AED ama la

since what happens is the chest plate is going to be quite hard to get off,

sababu kitakachotokea ni kuwa vazi la kifuani litakuwa gumu kulivua

and like that tauntaun,

na kama yule mjusi

the AED has a very short window of time at which it's highly effective.

AED ina muda mfupi sana kuweza kuwa na ufanisi

In this case -- basically, we've got to use it within the first 10 minutes.

Kwa muktadha huu -- kimsingi, tunatakiwa kuitumia ndani ya dakika 10 za kwanza

The Jedi, on the other hand, have no problems with their outfits.

Those robes open straight up,

Mavazi yale hufunguka moja kwa moja juu

you can place the pads right onto the chest --

unaweza kuweka pedi moja kwa moja kifuani

so upper-right-hand side of the chest,

kwa hiyo upande wa juu-kulia wa kifua,

lower left,

chini kushoto

subiria kifaa kibaini kama ni mapigo yanayoweza kushtuliwa

wait for the unit to determine if it's a shockable rhythm

na kuwa tayari kushtua

and get ready to shock.

But, the Jedi do have a problem.

Lakini, Jedi wana tatizo.

They have a head appendage issue.

Wana minyiri vichwani.

And so I can be totally clear, thinking I'm ready to go,

Kwa hiyo naweza kuwa nafikiri niko tayari

but I'm accidentally touching a tentacle

lakini bahati mbaya nikagusa mnyiri

and inadvertently shocking myself.

na ghafla nikajishtua mwenyewe.

(Laughter)

[Kicheko]

So before you hit that button, make sure you are clear

Kwa hiyo kabla hujabonyeza kile kitufe, hakikisha uko salama

na kila mtu yuko salama

and everyone else is clear.

Going back to that stormtrooper:

Tukirudi kwa stormtrooper

If I did get that chest plate off in time,

kama ningeweza kutoa lile vazi la kifuani ndani ya muda

what would you do if you suddenly found there was a Wookiee under there,

utafanyaje kama ghafla utakuta kuna Wookiee mule ndani

[Kicheko] au pengine Ewok mmoja au wawili?

or possibly two Ewoks?

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

Well, lucky for us,

Naam, bahati nzuri kwetu,

in the kit there's actually a razor,

ndani ya kisanduku kuna wembe,

and we can use that to shave the chest on the upper right-hand side

na tunaweza kuutumia kunyoa nywele za kifuani za upande wa juu kulia

and the lower left.

na chini kushoto.

Wookiees also have another problem.

Wookiees pia wana tatizo jingine.

Wana viambata vingi.

They have an accessory issue.

What we want to do is remove these --

Tunachotaka kufanya ni kuviondoa --

anything between the two pads we want to remove,

chochote kati ya pedi mbili tunataka kukiondoa

since it can cause something called "arcing."

sababu kinaweza kusababisha kitu kinaitwa "shoti ya umeme"

For those who don't know what arcing is,

Kwa wale wasiojua shoti,

do you remember the Emperor,

mnamkumbuka Mfalme,

anaporusha umeme kutoka ncha za vidole vyake --

when he shoots electricity out the ends of his fingers --

[Kicheko]

ule ndio mfano wa shoti ya umeme

(Laughter)

that would be kind of like arcing.

Another thing that --

Kitu kingine --

Oh! Pamoja na hayo, anafanya vile kwa kuvaa soksi ya sufu kwenye vazi lake

Oh! By the way, he creates that by wearing wool socks under his robes.

(Kicheko)

(Laughter)

Tunaweza pia kupata shoti ya umeme kama tuna kifua kilicholowana sana

We can also get arcing if we have an extremely wet chest.

The electricity travels across the surface instead of through the heart.

Umeme utatembea juu ya kifua badala ya kupitia kwenye moyo.

Tunaweza kurekebisha hii kwa maneno yasiyosahaulika ya Douglas Adams "Usihofu"

We can correct this with the immortal words of Douglas Adams:

"Don't panic," which most of us have done today --

ambavyo wengi wetu tumefanya leo --

and also always having a towel.

na pia daima kuwa na taulo.

Hivyo, maneno mazuri ya kukumbuka.

So, good words to go by.

The metal bikini -- unfortunately, this is where panic sets in --

Bikini ya chuma -- bahati mbaya, hapa ndipo hofu huanza --

like the modern bra,

kama sidiria ya kisasa,

tunatakiwa kuhakikisha tumeondoa,

we have to make sure we remove,

because this can cause severe arcing along with burns.

kwa sababu hii inaweza kusababisha shoti kubwa pamoja na kuungua.

But unfortunately this opens up an issue

Lakini kwa bahati mbaya hii inafungua mjadala mwingine

that's almost as controversial as talking about the prequels.

ambalo ni wa utata kama kuongelea matukio ya awali

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

The mere mention of the word "nipples,"

Kutaja tu neno "chuchu,"

and people get into a little bit of a tizzy.

watu wanapagawa

By the way, that is not a nipple, that's a cupcake.

Pamoja na hayo, ile siyo chuchu, ile ni keki ndogo.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

Chances are, if you do have to use this,

Uwezekano ni kuwa, kama utahitaji kukitumia,

itakuwa kwa mtu unayemfahamu.

this is going to be on someone you know.

Na kumbuka kila mtu ana chuchu,

And remember, everyone has nipples,

except for Jabba.

isipokuwa kwa Jabba.

(Kicheko)

(Laughter)

Lakini anapenda keki ndogo.

But he does love cupcakes.

Speaking about Jabba,

Kumwongelea Jabba,

if we do have to use an AED on him,

ikiwa tunatakiwa kutumia AED kwake,

remember pad placement is the same,

kumbuka uwekaji wa pedi ni ule ule,

ingawa hana chuchu.

even though he doesn't have nipples.

So it's going to be upper right-hand side, lower left.

Kwa hiyo itakuwa upande wa juu kulia, chini kushoto

If we were going through, we're shocking, getting ready to go --

Kama tunaendelea na zoezi, tunakuwa tayari

Tukimaliza kushtua,

after we've done the shock,

one of the things we need to do is remember to do compression.

kitu tunachopaswa kufanya kumbuka ni kumkandamiza

The preferred method is 30 compressions and two breaths

Njia nzuri ni kukandamiza mara 30 kumpa pumzi mara mbili

in the center of the chest, between the nipples,

katikati ya kifua, kati ya chuchu,

pressing down at least two inches,

kukandamiza chini angalau inchi mbili,

no more than two and a half,

si zaidi ya mbili na nusu,

at a rate of at least 100 beats a minute,

kwa kiwango cha angalau mapigo 100 kwa dakika,

no more than 120.

si zaidi ya 120.

Unfortunately, due to the size of Jabba's mouth

Bahati mbaya, kutokana na ukubwa wa mdomo wa Jabba

and also what he puts in said mouth,

na pia anachoweka mdomoni,

we may not want to actually do the mouth-to-mouth part.

tunaweza tusitake kufanya sehemu ya mdomo-kwa-mdomo.

So instead, we can do compression-only CPR.

Badala yake tunaweza kufanya CPR ya mkandamizo pekee.

The way of remembering the compression-only part

Njia ya kukumbuka sehemu ya mgandamizo pekee

is we can actually use the Imperial March.

tunaweza kutumia tuni ya Gwaride la Kifalme

I would sing it for you --

Ningewaimbia

[Kicheko]

(Laughter)

Unfortunately, that would be more something an interrogation droid would do.

Kwa bahati mbaya, hiyo ingeweza kufanywa sana sana na roboti wa mahojiano.

Yoda.

Yoda.

Kajamaa kadogo, kama katoto.

Small little guy, like a baby.

What we do is basically treat him like a baby,

Tunachofanya, kimsingi ni kumchukulia kama mtoto

in the sense that we're going to place one pad in the center of the chest

Kwa maana ya kuwa tunaweka pedi moja katikati ya kifua

and one in the back.

na moja nyuma.

Kama tutaweka zote mbele,

If we place them both in the front,

they can be too close and cause severe arcing,

zinaweza kuwa karibu sana zikasababisha shoti kubwa

so we want to avoid that.

kwa hiyo tunataka kuepuka hiyo.

Hopefully, this helped to clarify

Natumaini, hii imesaidia kufafanua

and put some light on some of the darker issues

na kuleta mwanga kwa maswala yaliyokuwa kiza

of using an AED in the Star Wars universe,

juu ya kutumia AED katika ulimwengu wa "Star Wars"

or any universe in total.

au ulimwengu wowote kwa ujumla.

I'll leave you with one point.

Nawaacha na jambo moja.

Remember, if you do find yourself dealing with a Wookiee,

Kumbuka, kama utajikuta unashughulika na Wookiee

do not shave the entire Wookiee.

Usimnyoe mwili mzima.

Hii itachukua muda mwingi sana,

This takes way too much time,

and it only pisses them off.

na itawakasirisha.

(Kicheko)

(Laughter)

Asanteni sana.

Thank you very much.

[Makofi na Vifijo]

(Applause)