An intergalactic guide to using a defibrillator | Todd Scott

譯者: 家明 陳 審譯者: Yanyan Hong

Last year, I got a chance to watch the new "Star Wars" movie,

去年我有幸去看了《星際大戰》，

這部電影真是太棒。

which was fantastic,

but one thing kept bugging me.

不過有件事一直困擾我，

我不知道你是否注意到：

I don't know if you noticed this or not.

整部電影裡科技這麼發達，

In this entirely technically advanced world,

我竟然找不到一臺去顫器 AED，

I did not see a single AED anywhere,

which was totally shocking --

這讓我非常震驚──

almost as shocking as not knowing what an AED is,

幾乎就像有人居然不知道 AED 是甚麼一樣震驚。

which you guys do know.

我希望你們應該都知道的吧，

But for those at home,

不過還是要告訴在家觀看的人，

an AED is an automated external defibrillator.

AED 就是自動體外心臟去顫器，

It's the device you use when your heart goes into cardiac arrest

就是你心臟停止跳動時 要使用的儀器，

to shock it back into a normal rhythm,

用來讓心臟恢復正常節律，

or, as one of the guys I was teaching a class to referred to it as:

就像我的一位學生所說的：

"The shocky-hearty-box thing."

「那個能電心臟的東西。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But I really can't blame the Empire,

但是我真不能怪罪銀河帝國，

since health and safety regulations

因為健康與和安全的規定

aren't really their first order of business.

真的不是他們的重點。

Though, even if we --

雖然， 即使我們──

I think worse than not having an AED would be if there was one there,

我覺得比沒有 AED 更糟糕的是，

有一臺 AED， 卻沒人知道它在哪裡。

but just, no one knew where to find it.

These devices can drastically increase your chance of survival --

這些裝置可以大大提昇 人們存活的機率，

almost like a tauntaun on Hoth.

就像在《星際大戰》裡 咚咚獸對霍斯星人一樣。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But I'm pretty sure that stormtrooper is going to be toast,

但是我相當確定， 不論我們是否擁有 AED，

regardless if we have an AED or not,

帝國風暴兵都會死得很慘，

since what happens is the chest plate is going to be quite hard to get off,

因爲他們的胸甲太難取下來了。

and like that tauntaun,

就像咚咚獸一樣，

the AED has a very short window of time at which it's highly effective.

AED 能起作用的時間非常短，

In this case -- basically, we've got to use it within the first 10 minutes.

在這種情形下──基本上 我們要在十分鐘內搞定它。

The Jedi, on the other hand, have no problems with their outfits.

絕地武士則與之相反， 著裝完全不會有這種問題。

Those robes open straight up,

他們長袍直接敞開著，

you can place the pads right onto the chest --

你就可以把電極貼片 直接按到他胸上──

so upper-right-hand side of the chest,

就是在胸部的右上

lower left,

及左下，

wait for the unit to determine if it's a shockable rhythm

先等待這裝置自動判讀心電圖，

and get ready to shock.

並準備就緒進行電擊。

But, the Jedi do have a problem.

但是絕地武士身上 存在另一個問題：

They have a head appendage issue.

就是他們頭部的觸角，

And so I can be totally clear, thinking I'm ready to go,

所以我已經準備好要去給他電擊了，

but I'm accidentally touching a tentacle

卻不小心自己觸碰到他頭上的觸角，

and inadvertently shocking myself.

結果自己被電死了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So before you hit that button, make sure you are clear

所以在你按下電擊開關時， 務必保證你沒有碰到他，

and everyone else is clear.

別人也沒有碰到他。

Going back to that stormtrooper:

回到那帝國風暴兵的話題，

If I did get that chest plate off in time,

如果我能及時將他們的胸甲取下，

what would you do if you suddenly found there was a Wookiee under there,

但你發現他是個烏奇人，怎麽辦呢？

or possibly two Ewoks?

或是兩個依娃人呢?

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Well, lucky for us,

那很幸運地是，

in the kit there's actually a razor,

AED 套件裡確實有刮鬍刀，

and we can use that to shave the chest on the upper right-hand side

我們可以用刮鬍刀 刮除胸口右上方的胸毛，

and the lower left.

以及左下部位，

Wookiees also have another problem.

烏奇人還有另一個問題，

They have an accessory issue.

它們身上會佩戴其他東西，

What we want to do is remove these --

我們應該將這些都摘掉，

anything between the two pads we want to remove,

任何擋在兩個電極貼片 中間的東西都要摘除，

since it can cause something called "arcing."

因為這會引起所謂的「電弧」。

For those who don't know what arcing is,

如果你不知道電弧是什麼，

do you remember the Emperor,

你記得帝國皇帝？

他由指尖射出電時──

when he shoots electricity out the ends of his fingers --

（笑聲）

那情形就有點像是電弧。

(Laughter)

that would be kind of like arcing.

Another thing that --

另一件事是，

喔！順道一提，他能這麽做 是因爲穿了羊毛襪子。

Oh! By the way, he creates that by wearing wool socks under his robes.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

We can also get arcing if we have an extremely wet chest.

如果我們胸部很潮濕的話 也會有電弧放電。

The electricity travels across the surface instead of through the heart.

電會通過皮膚傳導， 而不是通過心臟。

We can correct this with the immortal words of Douglas Adams:

我們可以用道格拉斯亞當斯的 名言解決這個問題：

"Don't panic," which most of us have done today --

「不要恐慌」，今天我們都照做了，

and also always having a towel.

還要記得準備一條毛巾。

So, good words to go by.

所以你最好記得這些名言。

The metal bikini -- unfortunately, this is where panic sets in --

莉亞公主的金屬比基尼── 很不幸就是恐慌出現的地方──

like the modern bra,

就像現在的胸罩一樣，

we have to make sure we remove,

我們必須確定已經將它解下，

because this can cause severe arcing along with burns.

因為這胸罩會 引起嚴重的電弧與燒傷。

But unfortunately this opens up an issue

但是不幸地是， 這卻造成了另一個問題。

that's almost as controversial as talking about the prequels.

這幾乎與前傳一樣地備受爭議。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

The mere mention of the word "nipples,"

一提到「奶頭」,

and people get into a little bit of a tizzy.

大家就一陣騷動。

By the way, that is not a nipple, that's a cupcake.

順便一提，這不是奶頭， 那是紙杯蛋糕。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Chances are, if you do have to use this,

要是你真有機會要用到這裝置的話，

this is going to be on someone you know.

你最好用在你認識的人身上。

And remember, everyone has nipples,

記住，每個人都有奶頭，

except for Jabba.

除了賈巴獸沒有之外。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But he does love cupcakes.

不過它確實喜愛紙杯蛋糕。

Speaking about Jabba,

說到賈巴獸，

if we do have to use an AED on him,

要是我們必須在他身上 用到 AED 的話,

remember pad placement is the same,

記住電極貼片貼在一樣的地方，

even though he doesn't have nipples.

即便他沒有奶頭。

So it's going to be upper right-hand side, lower left.

所以，就是右上方， 及左邊低一些的位置處。

如果一切都準備好， 我們要電擊了，準備進行動作──

If we were going through, we're shocking, getting ready to go --

在我們做完電擊後，

after we've done the shock,

one of the things we need to do is remember to do compression.

我們必須做的一件事情就是 記住要做心臟按摩，

The preferred method is 30 compressions and two breaths

最好的方式就是按摩 30 次 人工呼吸兩次，

in the center of the chest, between the nipples,

位置是在胸腔的正中央， 兩個乳頭之間。

pressing down at least two inches,

至少壓下兩吋深，

no more than two and a half,

不可以多於 2.5 吋，

at a rate of at least 100 beats a minute,

速率為一分鐘壓 100 次，

no more than 120.

不超過 120 次。

Unfortunately, due to the size of Jabba's mouth

不幸地是，由於賈巴獸 無比巨大的嘴巴，

and also what he puts in said mouth,

而且不曉得吃了什麽東西，

we may not want to actually do the mouth-to-mouth part.

我們或許不會實際地 進行口對口的動作，

So instead, we can do compression-only CPR.

所以我們可以只做心臟按摩。

The way of remembering the compression-only part

要記住只做壓胸部分的方法，

is we can actually use the Imperial March.

就是用帝國進行曲配樂。

I would sing it for you --

我可以唱給你們聽──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Unfortunately, that would be more something an interrogation droid would do.

可惜的是，這種事 還是交給審訊機器人吧。

Yoda.

再聊聊「優達大師」，

Small little guy, like a baby.

這個小東西，像個小孩子一樣，

What we do is basically treat him like a baby,

基本上就把他當小男孩來看。

in the sense that we're going to place one pad in the center of the chest

我們在他胸部中央放一個電極片，

and one in the back.

然後在他的背部放一片，

If we place them both in the front,

因爲如果兩片都放在前面的話，

they can be too close and cause severe arcing,

它們會因靠得太近導致嚴重的電弧，

so we want to avoid that.

所以必須避免那慘狀發生。

Hopefully, this helped to clarify

希望我的講解

and put some light on some of the darker issues

能像光明啟示黑暗般， 幫助大家理解

of using an AED in the Star Wars universe,

要怎麼在星際大戰中使用 AED，

or any universe in total.

在其他世界也同樣適用。

I'll leave you with one point.

我最後要告訴大家一個忠告，

Remember, if you do find yourself dealing with a Wookiee,

記住，如果你真的要給 烏奇人做心肺復甦的話，

do not shave the entire Wookiee.

千萬別把烏奇人全身都給刮毛了。

This takes way too much time,

這太耗費時間了，

and it only pisses them off.

而且他們也不爽。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Thank you very much.

非常感謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）