What we don't teach kids about sex | Sue Jaye Johnson

333,328 views ใƒป 2018-01-25

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์•„๋ž˜ ์˜๋ฌธ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ”ํด๋ฆญํ•˜์‹œ๋ฉด ์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

๋ฒˆ์—ญ: Soo Jin LEE ๊ฒ€ํ† : ํ˜ธ์„ฑ ์–‘
00:12
I remember my aunt brushing my hair when I was a child.
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์–ด๋ ธ์„ ๋•Œ ์ œ ๋จธ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋น—์–ด ์ฃผ๋˜ ์ด๋ชจ๋ฅผ ๊ธฐ์–ตํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:16
I felt this tingling in my stomach,
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๋ฑƒ ์†์ด ๊ฐ„์งˆ๊ฐ„์งˆํ–ˆ๊ณ ,
00:18
this swelling in my belly.
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๋ฐฐ๊ฐ€ ๋ถ€ํ’€์–ด ์˜ค๋ฅด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์•˜์–ด์š”.
00:21
All her attention on me,
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์ด๋ชจ๋Š” ์ €ํ•œํ…Œ ์ง‘์ค‘ํ•ด ์žˆ์—ˆ์ฃ .
00:23
just me.
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์˜ค์ง ์ €์—๊ฒŒ๋งŒ.
00:25
My beautiful Aunt Bea,
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์•„๋ฆ„๋‹ค์šด ๋น„ ์ด๋ชจ๋Š”
00:27
stroking my hair with a fine-bristled brush.
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๊ฐ€๋Š” ์†”๋กœ ๋œ ๋ธŒ๋Ÿฌ์‹œ๋กœ ๋‚ด ๋จธ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋น—์–ด ์ฃผ์…จ์ฃ .
์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ๋ชธ์— ์ด๋Ÿฐ ๋Š๋‚Œ์„ ๋ถˆ๋Ÿฌ์˜ค๋Š” ๊ธฐ์–ต์ด ์žˆ์œผ์‹ ๊ฐ€์š”. ๋ฐ”๋กœ ์ด์ˆœ๊ฐ„์—?
00:31
Do you have a memory like that that you can feel in your body right now?
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00:35
Before language,
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์–ธ์–ด๋ฅผ ๊ตฌ์‚ฌํ•˜๊ธฐ ์ „,
00:37
we're all sensation.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฐ๊ฐ์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:39
As children, that's how we learn
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์œ ๋…„๊ธฐ๋•Œ, ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ด ๋ฐฉ์‹์„ ํ†ตํ•ด
00:40
to differentiate ourselves in the world -- through touch.
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์„ธ์ƒ์œผ๋กœ ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์ž์‹ ์„ ๊ตฌ๋ถ„ํ•ด ๋‚ด์ง€์š”. ๋ฐ”๋กœ ์ด‰๊ฐ์„ ํ†ตํ•ด์„œ.
00:43
Everything goes in the mouth, the hands, on the skin.
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๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ์€ ์ž…๊ณผ ์†๊ณผ ํ”ผ๋ถ€์— ๋‹ฟ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:47
Sensation --
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๊ฐ๊ฐ.
00:48
it is the way that we first experience love.
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์‚ฌ๋ž‘์„ ์ตœ์ดˆ๋กœ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ์‹์ด์ง€์š”.
00:52
It's the basis of human connection.
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์ธ๊ฐ„ ๊ด€๊ณ„์˜ ๊ธฐ์ดˆ์ด๊ตฌ์š”
00:56
We want our children to grow up to have healthy intimate relationships.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์•„์ด๋“ค์ด ์ž๋ผ์„œ ๊ฑด๊ฐ•ํ•œ ์ด์„ฑ๊ด€๊ณ„๋ฅผ ๊ฐ–๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋ฐ”๋ž๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:00
So as parents,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋ถ€๋ชจ๋กœ์„œ
01:01
one of the things that we do is we teach our children about sex.
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ํ•˜๋Š” ์ผ๋“ค ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜๋Š” ์„ฑ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:04
We have books to help us,
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์ฑ…์—์„œ ๋„์›€์„ ์–ป๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜๊ณ 
01:06
we have sex ed at school for the basics.
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ํ•™๊ต์—์„œ ์‹ค์‹œ๋˜๋Š” ๊ธฐ์ดˆ ์„ฑ๊ต์œก๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:08
There's porn to fill in the gaps --
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๊ทธ ๊ฒฉ์ฐจ๋ฅผ ๋ณด์ถฉํ•ด ์ค„ ํฌ๋ฅด๋…ธ๋„ ์žˆ๊ณ ์š”.
01:11
and it will fill in the gaps.
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๋„ค, ๊ทธ ๋ถ€์กฑํ•จ์„ ์ฑ„์›Œ ์ค„ ๊ฑฐ์˜ˆ์š”.
01:13
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
01:14
We teach our children "the talk" about biology and mechanics,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ด๊ฑธ ์•„์ด๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ โ€œ๋Œ€ํ™”โ€๋กœ ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์ณ ์ฃผ๋Š”๋ฐ, ๊ด€๋ จ๋œ ์ƒ๋ฌผํ•™๊ณผ ์—ญํ•™, ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ 
01:18
about pregnancy and safe sex,
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์ž„์‹ ๊ณผ ์•ˆ์ „ํ•œ ์„น์Šค์— ๊ด€ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ด์ง€์š”
01:20
and that's what our kids grow up thinking that sex is pretty much all about.
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์•„์ด๋“ค์€ ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์ด ์„ฑ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๊ฑฐ์˜ ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ์ด๋ผ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๋ฉฐ ์ปค ๊ฐ‘๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:24
But we can do better than that.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๋” ๋‚˜์€ ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ํƒํ•  ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:26
We can teach our sons and daughters about pleasure and desire,
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์•„๋“ค ๋”ธ์—๊ฒŒ ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ๋งŽ์ฃ . ๊ธฐ์จ๊ณผ ์š•๋ง,
01:31
about consent and boundaries,
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์ƒํ˜ธ๋™์˜์™€ ๊ฒฝ๊ณ„,
01:33
about what it feels like to be present in their body
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์–ด๋–ค ๋Š๋‚Œ์ด ๋ชธ์—์„œ ์ƒ๊ฒจ๋‚˜๋Š”์ง€,
01:37
and to know when they're not.
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๊ทธ๋ ‡์ง€ ์•Š์„ ๋• ์–ธ์ œ์ธ์ง€
01:39
And we do that in the ways that we model touch, play,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์ณ ์ฃผ๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์€ ์‹œ๋ฒ”์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋งŒ์ง€๊ฑฐ๋‚˜, ์žฅ๋‚œ์น˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜,
01:43
make eye contact --
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๋ˆˆ์„ ๋งˆ์ฃผ์น˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ์‹์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:45
all the ways that we engage their senses.
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์ด ๋ชจ๋“  ๋ฐฉ์‹๋“ค์€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ์˜ ๊ฐ๊ฐ์ด ๋™์›๋˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์ฃ .
01:48
We can teach our children not just about sex,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์•„์ด๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋‹จ์ง€ ์„น์Šค๋งŒ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
01:50
but about sensuality.
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๊ด€๋Šฅ์ ์ธ ๋ฉด์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด์„œ๋„ ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:54
This is the kind of talk that I needed as a girl.
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ๊ฒŒ ๋ฐ”๋กœ ์–ด๋ฆฐ ์ €์—๊ฒŒ ํ•„์š”ํ–ˆ๋˜ ๋Œ€ํ™”์ด์ง€์š”.
01:56
I was extremely sensitive,
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์ €๋Š” ์•„์ฃผ ์˜ˆ๋ฏผํ–ˆ์ง€๋งŒ
01:58
but by the time I was an adolescent,
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์ฒญ์†Œ๋…„๊ธฐ ์ฆˆ์Œ์—๋Š”
02:00
I had numbed out.
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๋ฌด๊ฐ๊ฐํ•ด์ ธ ๋ฒ„๋ ธ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:02
The shame of boys mocking my changing body
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์ˆ˜์น˜์Šค๋Ÿฝ๊ฒŒ๋„ ๋‚จ์ž์• ๋“ค์€ ์ œ ๋ชธ๋งค ๋ณ€ํ™”์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๋†€๋ ค๋Œ”๊ณ 
02:04
and then girls exiling me for,
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์—ฌ์ž์• ๋“ค์€ ์ €๋ฅผ ๋”ฐ๋Œ๋ ธ๋Š”๋ฐ ๊ทธ ์ด์œ ๋Š”
02:06
ironically, my interest in boys,
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์•„์ด๋Ÿฌ๋‹ˆํ•˜๊ฒŒ๋„ ์ œ ๊ด€์‹ฌ์‚ฌ๊ฐ€ ๋‚จ์ž์—ฌ์„œ์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:09
it was so much.
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๊ฐ๋‹นํ•˜๊ธฐ ํž˜๋“ค์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
02:13
I didn't have any language for what I was experiencing;
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ฒช๋˜ ์ผ์„ ๋ญ๋ผ ๋งํ•ด์•ผ ํ•˜๋Š” ์ง€ ๋ชฐ๋ž์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
02:15
I didn't know it was going to pass.
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์ง€๋‚˜๊ฐ€๋Š” ์ผ์ด๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋„ ๋ชฐ๋ž์–ด์š”.
02:17
So I did the best thing I could at the time
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๋‹น์‹œ์— ๊ฐ€๋Šฅํ–ˆ๋˜ ์ตœ์„ ์„ ์„ ํƒํ–ˆ๊ณ 
02:20
and I checked out.
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์ „ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์„ ํšŒํ”ผํ•ด ๋ฒ„๋ ธ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ๋ฐ ๊ป„๋„๋Ÿฌ์šด ๊ฐ์ •๋“ค๋งŒ ๊ฒฉ๋ฆฌ์‹œํ‚ค๋Š” ๊ฑด ๋ถˆ๊ฐ€๋Šฅํ•ด์„œ
02:22
And you can't isolate just the difficult feelings,
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02:24
so I lost access to the joy, the pleasure, the play,
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๊ธฐ์จ๊ณผ ์ฆ๊ฑฐ์›€, ์žฅ๋‚œ ๊ฐ™์€ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค๋„ ์žƒ์–ด๋ฒ„๋ ธ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:27
and I spent decades like that,
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์ˆ˜ ์‹ญ ๋…„์„ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋ณด๋ƒˆ๊ณ 
02:28
with this his low-grade depression,
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๊ฒฝ๋„ ์šฐ์šธ์ฆ์„ ๊ฒช์œผ๋ฉด์„œ
02:30
thinking that this is what it meant to be a grown-up.
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๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ์–ด๋ฅธ์ด ๋˜์–ด๊ฐ€๋Š” ๊ฑฐ๋ผ ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ์ฃ .
์ง€๋‚œ ๋ช‡ ๋…„ ๋™์•ˆ ์‹ค์‹œํ•œ
02:35
For the past year,
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02:36
I've been interviewing men and women about their relationship to sex
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์„น์Šค์— ๊ด€ํ•œ ๋‚จ์„ฑ๊ณผ ์—ฌ์„ฑ ๊ฐ„์˜ ๊ด€๊ณ„์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ธํ„ฐ๋ทฐํ–ˆ๋Š”๋ฐ, ๊ทธ๋“ค๋กœ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ
02:39
and I've heard my story again and again.
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์ œ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋ฐ˜๋ณตํ•ด์„œ ๋“ค์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์†Œ๋…€๋“ค์€ ๋„ˆ๋ฌด, ์ง€๋‚˜์น˜๊ฒŒ ์˜ˆ๋ฏผํ•˜๋‹ค๋Š” ๋ง์„ ๋“ค์—ˆ๊ณ 
02:41
Girls who were told they were too sensitive, too much.
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02:44
Boys who were taught to man up --
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์†Œ๋…„๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ๋Š” ๋‚จ์ž๋‹ต๊ฒŒ ํ–‰๋™ํ•˜๋ผ๋ฉฐ
02:46
"don't be so emotional."
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โ€œ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ๊ฐ์ •์ ์œผ๋กœ ๊ตด์ง€๋งˆ!โ€ ๋ผ๊ณ  ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์ณค๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:48
I learned I was not alone in checking out.
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๊ฐ์ •์„ ๊ฒฉ๋ฆฌ์‹œ์ผœ ๋ฒ„๋ฆฐ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ์ € ํ˜ผ์ž๋งŒ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ์—ˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•Œ๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ์ง€์š”.
02:54
It was my daughter who reminded me of how much I used to feel.
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์ œ ๋”ธ์ด, ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์˜ˆ์ „์— ์–ผ๋งŒํผ ๋Š๋‚„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋˜์ง€๋ฅผ ์ƒ๊ธฐ์‹œ์ผœ ์ฃผ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ฐ”๋‹ท๊ฐ€๋กœ ๋†€๋Ÿฌ ๊ฐ”์—ˆ์ฃ .
03:00
We were at the beach.
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03:01
It was this rare day.
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ํ”์ง€ ์•Š๋Š” ๋‚ ์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:03
I turned off my cell phone,
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ํ•ธ๋“œํฐ์„ ๋„๊ณ ,
๋‹ฌ๋ ฅ์— โ€œ๋”ธ๊ณผ ๋ฐ”๋‹ค์— ์˜จ ๋‚ โ€์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ์ ์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
03:05
put in the calendar, "Day at the beach with the girls."
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03:08
I laid our towels down just out of reach of the surf
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ํŒŒ๋„ ๋์ž๋ฝ์— ํฐ ์ˆ˜๊ฑด์„ ๊น”๊ณ 
03:12
and fell asleep.
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์ž ์ด ๋“ค์—ˆ์—ˆ์ฃ .
03:14
And when I woke up,
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๊นจ์–ด๋‚ฌ์„ ๋•Œ,
03:15
I saw my daughter drizzling sand on her arm like this,
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๋”ธ์•„์ด๊ฐ€ ์ œ ํŒ”์— ๋ชจ๋ž˜๋ฅผ ํฉ๋ฟŒ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋ดค์–ด์š”. ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ...
03:21
and I could feel that light tickle of sand on her skin
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๋ชจ๋ž˜๊ฐ€ ๋”ธ์˜ ํ”ผ๋ถ€์— ๋‹ฟ์„ ๋•Œ์˜ ๊ฐ€๋ฒผ์šด ๊ฐ„์ง€๋Ÿฌ์›€์„ ์ €๋„ ๋Š๋‚„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์—ˆ๊ณ 
03:27
and I remembered my aunt brushing my hair.
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์ œ ๋จธ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋น—๊ฒจ ์ฃผ์‹œ๋˜ ์ด๋ชจ๋„ ๊ธฐ์–ต๋„ ๋‚ฌ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์ €๋Š” ๋”ธ์—๊ฒŒ ๋‹ค๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ๋ชธ์„ ์›…ํฌ๋ฆฌ๊ณ ์„œ๋Š”
03:31
So I curled up next to her
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03:32
and I drizzled sand on her other arm and then her legs.
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์•„์ด์˜ ํŒ”์—, ๊ทธ ๋‹ค์Œ์—๋Š” ๋‹ค๋ฆฌ์— ๋ชจ๋ž˜๋ฅผ ํฉ๋ฟŒ๋ ธ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:37
And then I said, "Hey, you want me to bury you?"
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ ๋Š” ๋ฌผ์—ˆ์ฃ . โ€œ๋ชจ๋ž˜ ์†์œผ๋กœ ๋“ค์–ด๊ฐ€ ๋ณผ๋ž˜?โ€
03:41
And her eyes got really big and she was like, "Yeah!"
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์•„์ด์˜ ๋ˆˆ์ด ์—„์ฒญ ์ปค์ง€๋ฉด์„œ โ€œ๋„ค!โ€๋ผ๊ณ  ์†Œ๋ฆฌ์ณค์–ด์š”.
03:43
So we dug a hole
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ชจ๋ž˜ ๊ตฌ๋ฉ์ด๋ฅผ ํŒ ๊ณ 
03:45
and I covered her in sand and shells
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๋”ธ์•„์ด์˜ ๋ชธ์„ ๋ชจ๋ž˜์™€ ์กฐ๊ฐœ๋“ค๋กœ ๋ฎ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:46
and drew this little mermaid tail.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‚˜์„œ ์กฐ๊ทธ๋งˆํ•œ ์ธ์–ด์˜ ๊ผฌ๋ฆฌ๋„ ๊ทธ๋ ธ์–ด์š”.
03:49
And then I took her home and lathered her up in the shower
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์ง‘์œผ๋กœ ๋Œ์•„์™€์„œ๋Š” ๊ฑฐํ’ˆ์„ ๋‚ด์„œ ์ƒค์›Œ๋ฅผ ์‹œ์ผœ์ฃผ๊ณ 
03:52
and massaged her scalp
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๋‘ํ”ผ๋งˆ์‚ฌ์ง€๋„ ํ•ด ์ฃผ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:53
and I dried her off in a towel.
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์ˆ˜๊ฑด์œผ๋กœ ์•„์ด์˜ ๋ชธ์„ ๋‹ฆ๊ณ  ๋‚˜์„œ
03:55
And I thought,
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์ „ ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ์ฃ .
03:57
"Ah. How many times had I done that --
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โ€œ์•„, ๋ช‡ ๋ฒˆ์ด๋‚˜ ์ด๋Ÿฐ ๊ฑธ ํ•ด ์ฃผ์—ˆ์„๊นŒ...
03:59
bathed her and dried her off --
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๋ชฉ์š•์„ ์‹œํ‚ค๊ณ  ๋จธ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋ง๋ ค์ฃผ๋Š” ์ผ๋“ค.
04:01
but had I ever stopped and paid attention
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๋‚˜๋Š” ๊ณผ์—ฐ ๊ทธ ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ์˜ ์Šค์œ„์น˜๋ฅผ ๋ˆ ์ฑ„
04:03
to the sensations that I was creating for her?"
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์•„์ด๋ฅผ ์œ„ํ•œ ์ด ์ˆœ๊ฐ„์˜ ๊ฐ๊ฐ์— ์ง‘์ค‘ํ•œ ์ ์ด ์žˆ์—ˆ๋˜๊ฐ€...?โ€
04:07
I'd been treating her like she was on some assembly line
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์ €๋Š” ์ œ ๋”ธ์„ ๋งˆ์น˜ ์–ด๋–ค โ€˜์ƒ์‚ฐ ๋ผ์ธโ€™ ์œ„์— ์žˆ๋Š”,
04:10
of children needing to be fed and put to bed.
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๋จน์—ฌ์ฃผ๊ณ  ์žฌ์›Œ์ฃผ๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ํ•„์š”ํ•œ ์•„์ด๋กœ ๋Œ€ํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:13
And I realized
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‚˜์„œ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊นจ๋‹ฌ์€ ๊ฒƒ์€
04:14
that when I dry my daughter off in a towel tenderly the way a lover would,
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์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์˜ ์†๊ธธ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ์ˆ˜๊ฑด์œผ๋กœ ๋ถ€๋“œ๋Ÿฝ๊ฒŒ ์•„์ด์˜ ๋ชธ์„ ๋‹ฆ์•„ ์ฃผ๋Š” ๊ทธ ์ˆœ๊ฐ„,
04:19
I'm teaching her to expect that kind of touch.
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ข…๋ฅ˜์˜ ํ„ฐ์น˜๋ฅผ ๊ธฐ๋Œ€ํ•˜๋ผ๊ณ  ์•„์ด์—๊ฒŒ ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
๊ทธ ์ˆœ๊ฐ„ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•„์ด์—๊ฒŒ ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ์นœ๋ฐ€๊ฐ, ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ 
04:24
I'm teaching her in that moment about intimacy.
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04:27
About how to love her body and respect her body.
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์ž์‹ ์˜ ๋ชธ์„ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๊ณ  ์กด์ค‘ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ์‹์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:31
I realized there are parts of the talk that can't be conveyed in words.
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๋˜ ์•Œ๊ฒŒ ๋œ ๊ฒƒ์€, ๋ง๋กœ๋Š” ์ „๋‹ฌ๋  ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋Š” ๋ถ€๋ถ„์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์—ˆ์ฃ .
04:37
In her book, "Girls and Sex,"
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โ€œ์•„๋ฌด๋„ ๋Œ€๋‹ตํ•ด์ฃผ์ง€ ์•Š์€ ์งˆ๋ฌธ๋“คโ€์—์„œ (์›์ œ: ์†Œ๋…€์™€ ์„ฑ)
04:38
writer Peggy Orenstein finds
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์ž‘๊ฐ€ ํŽ˜๊ธฐ ์˜ค๋ Œ์Šคํƒ€์ธ์€
์ Š์€ ์—ฌ์„ฑ๋“ค์ด ํŒŒํŠธ๋„ˆ์˜ ์ฆ๊ฑฐ์›€์— ์ง‘์ค‘ํ•œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:41
that young women are focusing on their partner's pleasure,
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04:44
not their own.
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์ž์‹ ์€ ๊ทธ ๋‹ค์Œ์ธ ๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
04:47
This is something I'm going to talk about with my girls when they're older,
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์ด๊ฑด ์ œ ๋”ธ๋“ค์ด ์ข€ ๋” ๋‚˜์ด๊ฐ€ ๋“ค๋ฉด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•  ๊ฒƒ์ด์ง€๋งŒ,
ํ˜„์žฌ ์ €๋Š”, ์ž์‹ ์—๊ฒŒ ๋ฌด์—‡์ด ์ฆ๊ฑฐ์›€์„ ์ฃผ๋Š” ์ง€ ํŒŒ์•…ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๊ณ 
04:50
but for now, I look for ways to help them identify what gives them pleasure
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04:54
and to practice articulating that.
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋ถ„๋ช…ํžˆ ๋งํ•˜๋„๋ก ์—ฐ์Šตํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ์ฐพ๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:58
"Rub my back," my daughter says when I tuck her in.
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โ€œ๋“ฑ ๋ฌธ์งˆ๋Ÿฌ ์ฃผ์„ธ์š”โ€ ์ž์‹ ์„ ๊ปด์•ˆ๊ณ  ์žˆ๋˜ ์ œ๊ฒŒ ๋”ธ์•„์ด๊ฐ€ ๋งํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:01
And I say, "OK, how do you want me to rub your back?"
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โ€œ์ข‹์•„! ๋“ฑ์„ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ๋ฌธ์งˆ๋Ÿฌ ์ค„๊นŒ?โ€ ํ•˜๊ณ  ๋ฌผ์–ด๋ณด๋‹ˆ
05:05
"I don't know," she says.
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๋”ธ์€ โ€œ๋ชฐ๋ผ์š”โ€๋ผ๊ณ  ๋Œ€๋‹ตํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:07
So I pause, waiting for her directions.
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์ €๋Š” ๋ฉˆ์ถ˜ ์ฑ„ ์•„์ด์˜ ์ง€์‹œ๋ฅผ ๊ธฐ๋‹ค๋ฆฝ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:10
Finally she says, "OK, up and to the right,
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๋งˆ์นจ๋‚ด ์•„์ด๋Š” โ€œ๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋ฉด, ์œ„๋กœ ๋˜ ์˜ค๋ฅธ ์ชฝ์œผ๋กœ,โ€
05:12
like you're tickling me."
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โ€œ๋‚˜ ๊ฐ„์ง€๋Ÿผ ํƒœ์šธ ๋•Œ ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ์š”.โ€
05:14
I run my fingertips up her spine.
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์†๊ฐ€๋ฝ ๋์„ ์›€์ง์—ฌ ์•„์ด์˜ ์ฒ™์ถ”๋ฅผ ๋”ฐ๋ผ ์˜ฌ๋ผ๊ฐ‘๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:16
"What else?" I ask.
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โ€œ๋˜ ์–ด๋””?โ€ ํ•˜๊ณ  ๋ฌป์ž
05:18
"Over to the left, a little harder now."
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โ€œ์™ผ์ชฝ์œผ๋กœ ์ญ‰ ๊ฐ€์š”, ์ด๋ฒˆ์—” ์กฐ๊ธˆ ์„ธ๊ฒŒ์š”โ€
05:21
We need to teach our children how to articulate their sensations
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์•„์ด๋“ค์ด ์ž์‹ ์˜ ๋Š๋‚Œ์„ ๋ถ„๋ช…ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋งํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์ณ์•ผ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:25
so they're familiar with them.
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๊ทธ ๋ฐฉ์‹์ด ์ต์ˆ™ํ•ด ์ง€๋„๋ก.
05:27
I look for ways to play games with my girls at home to do this.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•ด์„œ ์ €๋Š”, ๋”ธ๋“ค๊ณผ ์ง‘์—์„œ ๊ฒŒ์ž„ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ์ฐพ๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด์š”.
05:30
I scratch my fingernails on my daughter's arm and say,
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์ œ ๋”ธ์˜ ํŒ”์„ ์†ํ†ฑ์œผ๋กœ ๊ธ์œผ๋ฉด์„œ ๋ฌป์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:33
"Give me one word to describe this."
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โ€œ์ด ๋Š๋‚Œ์„ ํ•œ ๋‹จ์–ด๋กœ ๋งํ•ด ๋ด.โ€
05:35
"Violent," she says.
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๋”ธ์€ โ€œํญ๋ ฅ์ โ€์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ•˜์ฃ .
05:38
I embrace her, hold her tight.
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์•„์ด๋ฅผ ๊ผญ ๊ปด์•ˆ์„ ๋•
05:40
"Protected," she tells me.
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โ€œ๋ณดํ˜ธ๋ฐ›์Œโ€ ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์ €๋Š” ๊ธฐํšŒ๋ฅผ ์žก์•„์„œ ์•„์ด๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋งํ•˜์ฃ . ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ๋Š๋ผ๋Š”์ง€,
05:43
I find opportunities to tell them how I'm feeling,
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05:46
what I'm experiencing,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์–ด๋–ค ๊ฒฝํ—˜์„ ํ•˜๋Š” ์ง€.
05:47
so we have common language.
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ์—๊ฒ ๊ณตํ†ต ์–ธ์–ด๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:48
Like right now,
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๋ฐ”๋กœ ์ง€๊ธˆ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ
๋”ฐ๋”๋”ฐ๋”ํ•œ ๊ฒŒ ๋‘ํ”ผ์—์„œ ์ฒ™์ถ”๋ฅผ ๋”ฐ๋ผ ๋‚ด๋ ค๊ฐ€๋Š” ๋Š๋‚Œ์€ ๊ธด์žฅ์ด๋‚˜ ์‹ ๋‚œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
05:50
this tingling in my scalp down my spine means I'm nervous and I'm excited.
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05:55
You are likely experiencing sensations in response to me.
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์€ ์ œ ๋ฐ˜์‘์„ ๊ฐ๊ฐ์œผ๋กœ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•˜์‹ค ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์•„์š”.
05:59
The language I'm using,
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜๋Š” ์–ธ์–ด์™€
06:01
the ideas I'm sharing.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ณต์œ ํ•˜๋Š” ์•„์ด๋””์–ด๋ฅผ ํ†ตํ•ด์„œ.
06:03
And our tendency is to judge these reactions
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ฐ€์ง„ ๊ฒฝํ–ฅ์„ฑ์€ ์ด๋Ÿฐ ๋ฐ˜์‘๋“ค์„ ํŒ๋‹จํ•˜๊ณ 
06:06
and sort them into a hierarchy:
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๊ณ„์ธต์œผ๋กœ ๋ถ„๋ฅ˜ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:08
better or worse,
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๋” ์ข‹๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ๋” ๋‚˜์œ ๊ฒƒ์œผ๋กœ.
06:09
and then seek or avoid them.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ ๋Š” ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ์ถ”๊ตฌํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ํšŒํ”ผํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:12
And that's because we live in this binary culture
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ด๋ถ„๋ฒ•์  ๋ฌธํ™”์— ์‚ด๊ณ  ์žˆ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์ฃ .
06:14
and we're taught from a very young age to sort the world into good and bad.
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์•„์ฃผ ์–ด๋ฆด ์  ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์„ธ์ƒ์„ ์ข‹๊ณ  ๋‚˜์จ์œผ๋กœ ๋ถ„๋ฅ˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋ฐฐ์› ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:19
"Did you like that book?"
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โ€œ๊ทธ ์ฑ… ์ข‹์•˜๋‹ˆ?โ€
06:21
"Did you have a good day?"
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โ€œ์˜ค๋Š˜ ์ข‹์€ ๋‚ ์ด์—ˆ๋‹ˆ?โ€
06:23
How about, "What did you notice about that story?"
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ๋ฐ ์ด๊ฑด ์–ด๋–จ๊นŒ์š”. โ€œ๊ทธ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ์—์„œ ๋ญ˜ ์•Œ๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ๋‹ˆ?โ€
06:26
"Tell me a moment about your day.
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โ€œ๋„ค ํ•˜๋ฃจ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ž ๊น ๋งํ•ด ์ค„๋ž˜?
06:28
What did you learn?"
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๋ญ˜ ๋ฐฐ์› ๋‹ˆ?โ€
06:30
Let's teach our children to stay open and curious about their experiences,
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์•„์ด๋“ค์ด ์ž์‹ ์˜ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์—ด๋ ค ์žˆ๊ณ  ํ˜ธ๊ธฐ์‹ฌ์„ ๊ฐ€์ง€๋„๋ก๊ณผ ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์ณ ์ฃผ์„ธ์š”.
06:34
like a traveler in a foreign land.
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๋งˆ์น˜ ๋‚ฏ์„  ๋•… ์œ„์˜ ์—ฌํ–‰์ž์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
06:38
And that way they can stay with sensation without checking out --
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๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์„œ ๋Š๋‚Œ์„ ๊ฐ„์งํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋„๋ก, ๊ฑฐ๊ธฐ์„œ ๋ฌผ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜์ง€ ์•Š๋„๋ก
์ข€๋” ๊ณ ๋ฌด์ ์ด๊ณ  ์ž๊ทน์ ์ธ ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•๋“ค ๊นŒ์ง€๋„ ๋™์›ํ•ด ๋ณด์„ธ์š”.
06:42
even the heightened and challenging ones --
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06:44
the way I did,
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋”ธ์—๊ฒŒ ํ–ˆ๋“ฏ์ด,
06:45
the way so many of us have.
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์—ฌ๊ธฐ ์ˆ˜๋งŽ์€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ๋„ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ๋Šฅ๋ ฅ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:47
This sense education,
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๊ฐ๊ฐ ๊ต์œก์€
06:49
this is education I want for my daughters.
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๋ฐ”๋กœ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋”ธ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์ฃผ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์€ ๊ต์œก์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:51
Sense education is what I needed as girl.
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๊ฐ๊ฐ ๊ต์œก์€ ์†Œ๋…€์˜€๋˜ ์ œ๊ฒŒ๋„ ํ•„์š”ํ–ˆ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ์ด์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
06:55
It's what I hope for all of our children.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ์˜ ๋ชจ๋“  ์•„์ด๋“ค์„ ์œ„ํ•œ ๋ฐ”๋žŒ์ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:58
This awareness of sensation,
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๊ฐ๊ฐ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์ธ์ง€๊ฐ€ ๋ฐ”๋กœ,
07:00
it's where we began as children.
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์–ด๋ฆฐ ์•„์ด๋กœ์„œ์˜ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์—ฌ์ •์„ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•œ ๊ณณ์ด๊ณ ,
07:02
It's what we can learn from our children
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์•„์ด๋“ค๋กœ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋ฐฐ์šธ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด๋ฉฐ,
07:05
and it's what we can in turn remind our children
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๋˜๋Œ์•„ ์–ด๋ฆฐ์‹œ์ ˆ์„ ๊ธฐ์–ต๋‚˜๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ทธ ๋ฌด์—‡์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:08
as they come of age.
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๊ทธ ์•„์ด๋“ค์ด ๋‚˜์ด ๋“ค์–ด์„œ๊นŒ์ง€๋„ ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
07:12
Thank you.
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:13
(Applause)
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
์ด ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ ์ •๋ณด

์ด ์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ๋Š” ์˜์–ด ํ•™์Šต์— ์œ ์šฉํ•œ YouTube ๋™์˜์ƒ์„ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ˆ˜์—…์„ ๋ณด๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ๋™์˜์ƒ ํŽ˜์ด์ง€์— ํ‘œ์‹œ๋˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ” ํด๋ฆญํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋™์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋น„๋””์˜ค ์žฌ์ƒ์— ๋งž์ถฐ ์ž๋ง‰์ด ์Šคํฌ๋กค๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜๊ฒฌ์ด๋‚˜ ์š”์ฒญ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ์ด ๋ฌธ์˜ ์–‘์‹์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜์—ฌ ๋ฌธ์˜ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.

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