How to speak up for yourself | Adam Galinsky

931,324 views ใƒป 2016-12-16

TED


์•„๋ž˜ ์˜๋ฌธ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ”ํด๋ฆญํ•˜์‹œ๋ฉด ์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

๋ฒˆ์—ญ: Jeongmin Kim ๊ฒ€ํ† : Jihyeon J. Kim
00:13
Speaking up is hard to do.
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์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๊ธฐ๋Š” ํž˜๋“  ์ผ์ด๋‹ค.
00:16
I understood the true meaning of this phrase exactly one month ago,
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์ €๋Š” ์ด ๋ฌธ์žฅ์˜ ์ง„์ •ํ•œ ์˜๋ฏธ๋ฅผ ๋”ฑ ํ•œ ๋‹ฌ ์ „์— ์•Œ์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:21
when my wife and I became new parents.
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์ €์™€ ์•„๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๋ถ€๋ชจ๊ฐ€ ๋˜์—ˆ์„ ๋•Œ์ด์ฃ .
00:25
It was an amazing moment.
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๋†€๋ผ์šด ์ˆœ๊ฐ„์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:26
It was exhilarating and elating,
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๊ธฐ์˜๊ณ  ๋“ค๋œจ์ง€๋งŒ
00:29
but it was also scary and terrifying.
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๋ฌด์„ญ๊ณ  ๋‘๋ ต๊ธฐ๋„ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:32
And it got particularly terrifying when we got home from the hospital,
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๋ณ‘์›์—์„œ ์ง‘์œผ๋กœ ์™”์„ ๋•Œ ํŠนํžˆ ๋งŽ์ด ๋ถˆ์•ˆํ–ˆ๊ณ 
00:36
and we were unsure
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์•„๊ธฐ๊ฐ€
00:38
whether our little baby boy was getting enough nutrients from breastfeeding.
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๋ชจ์œ ์—์„œ ์ถฉ๋ถ„ํžˆ ์˜์–‘๋ถ„์„ ์–ป๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š”์ง€ ๊ฑฑ์ •๋˜์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:42
And we wanted to call our pediatrician,
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์†Œ์•„๊ณผ์— ์ „ํ™” ํ•˜๋ ค๊ณ  ํ–ˆ์ง€๋งŒ
00:45
but we also didn't want to make a bad first impression
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์‹ ๊ฒฝ์งˆ์ ์ด๊ณ  ๊ท€์ฐฎ์€ ํ™˜์ž๋กœ ์ฒซ์ธ์ƒ์„ ๋‚จ๊ธฐ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์ง€๋Š” ์•Š์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:48
or come across as a crazy, neurotic parent.
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00:51
So we worried.
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๊ฑฑ์ •ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:52
And we waited.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ธฐ๋‹ค๋ ธ์ฃ .
00:54
When we got to the doctor's office the next day,
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๋‹ค์Œ ๋‚  ๋ณ‘์›์— ๊ฐ”์„ ๋•Œ
00:56
she immediately gave him formula because he was pretty dehydrated.
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์˜์‚ฌ๋Š” ์•„๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ํƒˆ์ˆ˜ ์ƒํƒœ๋ผ๋ฉฐ ๋ฐ”๋กœ ๋ถ„์œ ๋ฅผ ์ฃผ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:01
Our son is fine now,
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์•„๋“ค์€ ์ด์ œ ๊ฑด๊ฐ•ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
01:02
and our doctor has reassured us we can always contact her.
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์˜์‚ฌ๋Š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ์—๊ฒŒ ํ•ญ์ƒ ์—ฐ๋ฝํ•ด๋„ ๊ดœ์ฐฎ๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•˜์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:06
But in that moment,
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๊ทธ ์ˆœ๊ฐ„ ์ €๋Š”
01:07
I should've spoken up, but I didn't.
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์ž๊ธฐ์ฃผ์žฅ์„ ํ•ด์•ผ ํ–ˆ์ง€๋งŒ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ์ง€ ๋ชปํ–ˆ์ฃ .
01:10
But sometimes we speak up when we shouldn't,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๋•Œ๋กœ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์•„์•ผ ํ•  ๋•Œ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜๊ณ 
01:14
and I learned that over 10 years ago when I let my twin brother down.
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ์‹ญ ๋…„ ์ „ ์Œ๋‘ฅ์ด ํ˜•์„ ์‹ค๋ง์‹œํ‚ค๋ฉด์„œ ๊นจ๋‹ฌ์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:18
My twin brother is a documentary filmmaker,
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์ œ ์Œ๋‘ฅ์ด ํ˜•์ œ๋Š” ๋‹คํ๋ฉ˜ํ„ฐ๋ฆฌ ์˜ํ™” ์ œ์ž‘์ž์˜€๊ณ 
01:21
and for one of his first films,
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์ฒซ ์ž‘ํ’ˆ ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜์—
01:22
he got an offer from a distribution company.
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๋ฐฐ๊ธ‰์‚ฌ๋กœ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ์ œ์˜๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:25
He was excited,
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๊ทธ๋Š” ์‹ ์ด ๋‚ฌ๊ณ 
01:26
and he was inclined to accept the offer.
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์ œ์˜๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์•„๋“ค์ด๋ ค๊ณ  ํ•˜์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:29
But as a negotiations researcher,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ํ˜‘์ƒ ์—ฐ๊ตฌ์ž๋กœ์„œ
01:31
I insisted he make a counteroffer,
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์ €๋Š” ๊ทธ์—๊ฒŒ ์ œ์•ˆ์„ ๋ฐ”๊พธ๋ผ๊ณ  ์กฐ์–ธํ–ˆ๊ณ 
01:34
and I helped him craft the perfect one.
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๋” ๋‚˜์€ ์กฐ๊ฑด์„ ๋งŒ๋“œ๋Š” ๊ฑธ ๋„์™€ ์ฃผ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:37
And it was perfect --
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์™„๋ฒฝํ–ˆ์ฃ .
01:39
it was perfectly insulting.
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์™„๋ฒฝํžˆ ๋ชจ์š•์ ์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:42
The company was so offended,
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ํšŒ์‚ฌ๋Š” ํ™”๊ฐ€ ๋‚˜์„œ
01:44
they literally withdrew the offer
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๊ทธ์•ผ๋ง๋กœ ์ œ์˜๋ฅผ ์ฒ ํšŒํ–ˆ๊ณ 
01:46
and my brother was left with nothing.
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ํ˜•์—๊ฒŒ๋Š” ์•„๋ฌด๊ฒƒ๋„ ๋‚จ์ง€ ์•Š์•˜์ฃ .
01:48
And I've asked people all over the world about this dilemma of speaking up:
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์ €๋Š” ์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๊ธฐ์˜ ๋”œ๋ ˆ๋งˆ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์งˆ๋ฌธํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:52
when they can assert themselves,
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์–ธ์ œ ์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๊ณ 
01:54
when they can push their interests,
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์ดํ•ด๊ด€๊ณ„๋ฅผ ๋ฐ€์–ด๋ถ™์ด๊ณ 
01:55
when they can express an opinion,
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์˜๊ฒฌ์„ ํ‘œ์ถœํ•˜๊ณ 
01:58
when they can make an ambitious ask.
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์˜์š•์žˆ๊ฒŒ ์งˆ๋ฌธํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š”์ง€์š”.
02:00
And the range of stories are varied and diverse,
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์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ์˜ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋Š” ๋งค์šฐ ๋‹ค์–‘ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
02:05
but they also make up a universal tapestry.
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๋ณดํŽธ์ ์ธ ๋ชจ์–‘์ƒˆ๋ฅผ ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:07
Can I correct my boss when they make a mistake?
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์ƒ์‚ฌ์˜ ์‹ค์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ์ง€์ ํ•ด๋„ ๋ ๊นŒ์š”?
02:10
Can I confront my coworker who keeps stepping on my toes?
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์ œ ๊ธธ์„ ์ž๊พธ ๋ง‰๋Š” ์ง์žฅ ๋™๋ฃŒ์—๊ฒŒ ๋Œ€์‘ํ• ๊นŒ์š”?
02:14
Can I challenge my friend's insensitive joke?
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์นœ๊ตฌ์˜ ๋ชฐ์ง€๊ฐํ•œ ๋†๋‹ด์„ ์ €์ง€ํ•ด๋„ ๋ ๊นŒ์š”?
02:18
Can I tell the person I love the most my deepest insecurities?
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์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์—๊ฒŒ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ๊นŠ์€ ๋น„๋ฐ€์„ ๋งํ•ด๋„ ๋ ๊นŒ์š”?
02:22
And through these experiences, I've come to recognize
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์ด ๊ฒฝํ—˜์„ ํ†ตํ•ด ์ €๋Š” ๊ฐ์ž์—๊ฒŒ
02:25
that each of us have something called a range of acceptable behavior.
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๋ฐ”๋žŒ์งํ•œ ํ–‰๋™์˜ ๋ฒ”์œ„๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•Œ์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:29
Now, sometimes we're too strong; we push ourselves too much.
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๋•Œ๋กœ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ๊ฐ•๊ฒฝํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์ž์‹ ์„ ๋ชฐ์•„๋ถ€์น˜๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:34
That's what happened with my brother.
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์ œ ํ˜•์˜ ์‚ฌ๋ก€์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ์š”.
02:36
Even making an offer was outside his range of acceptable behavior.
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์ œ์•ˆ์„ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์กฐ์ฐจ ํ˜•์—๊ฒŒ๋Š” ๋ฐ”๋žŒ์งํ•œ ํ–‰๋™ ๋ฐ–์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:41
But sometimes we're too weak.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๋•Œ๋ก  ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ์•ฝํ•˜๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜์ฃ .
02:43
That's what happened with my wife and I.
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์ €ํฌ ๋ถ€๋ถ€์˜ ์ƒํ™ฉ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ์š”.
02:45
And this range of acceptable behaviors --
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์ด ๋ฐ”๋žŒ์งํ•œ ํ–‰๋™ ๋ฒ”์œ„ ์•ˆ์— ์žˆ์œผ๋ฉด
02:47
when we stay within our range, we're rewarded.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ณด์ƒ์„ ๋ฐ›์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:50
When we step outside that range, we get punished in a variety of ways.
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๊ทธ ๋ฐ–์œผ๋กœ ๋‚˜๊ฐ€๋ฉด ๋‹ค์–‘ํ•œ ๋ถˆ์ด์ต์„ ๋ฐ›์ฃ .
02:54
We get dismissed or demeaned or even ostracized.
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๊ฑฐ์ ˆ๋‹นํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ํ‰ํŒ์„ ์žƒ๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ๋ฐฐ์ฒ™๋‹นํ•˜๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:58
Or we lose that raise or that promotion or that deal.
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์›”๊ธ‰ ์ธ์ƒ, ์Šน์ง„์ด๋‚˜ ๊ฑฐ๋ž˜๋ฅผ ์žƒ๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜์ฃ .
03:01
Now, the first thing we need to know is:
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๋จผ์ € ์•Œ์•„์•ผ ํ•  ๊ฒƒ์€
03:04
What is my range?
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๋‚ด ๋ฒ”์œ„์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:06
But the key thing is, our range isn't fixed;
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์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์€ ์ด ๋ฒ”์œ„๊ฐ€ ๊ณ ์ •๋˜์ง€ ์•Š๊ณ 
03:11
it's actually pretty dynamic.
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๋งค์šฐ ์œ ๋™์ ์ด๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:12
It expands and it narrows based on the context.
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์ƒํ™ฉ์— ๋”ฐ๋ผ ๋Š˜์—ˆ๋‹ค ์ค„์—ˆ๋‹ค ํ•˜์ฃ .
03:17
And there's one thing that determines that range more than anything else,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๋ฌด์—‡๋ณด๋‹ค ๊ทธ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋ฅผ ๋” ๋งŽ์ด ๊ฒฐ์ •ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์žˆ๋Š”๋ฐ
03:22
and that's your power.
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:23
Your power determines your range.
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ด ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋ฅผ ๊ฒฐ์ •ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:25
What is power?
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๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ด๋ž€ ๋ฌด์—‡์ผ๊นŒ์š”?
03:26
Power comes in lots of forms.
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๋‹ค์–‘ํ•œ ํ˜•ํƒœ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:28
In negotiations, it comes in the form of alternatives.
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ํ˜‘์ƒ์—์„œ๋Š” ๋Œ€์•ˆ์˜ ํ˜•ํƒœ๋กœ ๋‚˜ํƒ€๋‚˜์ฃ .
03:31
So my brother had no alternatives;
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์ œ ํ˜•์€ ๋Œ€์•ˆ์ด ์—†์—ˆ์œผ๋ฏ€๋กœ
03:33
he lacked power.
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๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ด ๋ถ€์กฑํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:35
The company had lots of alternatives;
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ํšŒ์‚ฌ๋Š” ๋Œ€์•ˆ์ด ๋งŽ์•˜์œผ๋ฏ€๋กœ ๊ทธ์ชฝ์— ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ด ์žˆ์—ˆ์ฃ .
03:36
they had power.
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03:38
Sometimes it's being new to a country, like an immigrant,
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๋•Œ๋กœ ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์€ ์ด๋ฏผ์ž์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ์ƒˆ๋กœ์šด ๊ตญ๊ฐ€์— ์‚ด๊ฑฐ๋‚˜
03:41
or new to an organization
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์กฐ์ง์ด๋‚˜ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์—
03:42
or new to an experience,
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๋‚ฏ์„  ๊ฒƒ์ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:44
like my wife and I as new parents.
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์ €ํฌ ๋ถ€๋ถ€๊ฐ€ ๋‚ฏ์„  ๋ถ€๋ชจ์ธ ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ์š”.
03:46
Sometimes it's at work,
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์ง์žฅ์—์„œ ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์€
03:47
where someone's the boss and someone's the subordinate.
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๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ์ƒ์‚ฌ๊ณ  ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ๋ถ€ํ•˜ ์ง์›์ธ ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:50
Sometimes it's in relationships,
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๊ด€๊ณ„์—์„œ๋Š”
03:52
where one person's more invested than the other person.
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๊ฐ์ž์˜ ํˆฌ์ž์˜ ์ •๋„์— ๋”ฐ๋ผ ๊ฒฐ์ •๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:55
And the key thing is that when we have lots of power,
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์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์€ ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ด ๋งŽ์€ ์ธก์—๋Š”
03:58
our range is very wide.
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๋ฒ”์œ„๊ฐ€ ๋„“๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์ฃ .
04:00
We have a lot of leeway in how to behave.
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ํ–‰๋™ ์‚ฌํ•ญ์— ์žฌ๋Ÿ‰์ด ๋งŽ์ฃ .
04:03
But when we lack power, our range narrows.
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๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ด ๋ถ€์กฑํ•  ๋•Œ ๊ทธ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋Š” ์ค„์–ด๋“ญ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:06
We have very little leeway.
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์žฌ๋Ÿ‰์ด ๊ฑฐ์˜ ์—†์ฃ .
04:08
The problem is that when our range narrows,
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๋ฌธ์ œ๋Š” ๋ฒ”์œ„๊ฐ€ ์ข์€ ๊ฒƒ์€
04:11
that produces something called the low-power double bind.
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์ €๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์˜ ์ด์ค‘๊ณ ๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋งŒ๋“ค์–ด๋‚ธ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:16
The low-power double bind happens
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์ €๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์˜ ์ด์ค‘๊ณ ๋Š”
04:19
when, if we don't speak up, we go unnoticed,
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์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์œผ๋ฉด ๊ด€์‹ฌ์„ ๋ฐ›์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๊ณ 
04:22
but if we do speak up, we get punished.
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์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๋ฉด ๋ฒŒ์„ ๋ฐ›๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์ฃ .
04:25
Now, many of you have heard the phrase the "double bind"
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๋งŽ์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์ด์ค‘๊ณ ๋ผ๋Š” ๋ง์„ ๋“ฃ๊ณ 
04:28
and connected it with one thing, and that's gender.
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์—ฐ๊ฒฐ์‹œํ‚ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ์„ฑ๋ณ„์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:31
The gender double bind is women who don't speak up go unnoticed,
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์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์€ ์—ฌ์„ฑ์€ ๊ด€์‹ฌ๋ฐ›์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๊ณ 
04:35
and women who do speak up get punished.
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์ฃผ์žฅํ•œ ์—ฌ์„ฑ์€ ๋ฒŒ์„ ๋ฐ›์ฃ .
04:38
And the key thing is that women have the same need as men to speak up,
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์—ฌ์„ฑ์€ ๋‚จ์„ฑ๊ณผ ๊ฐ™์ด ์ฃผ์žฅํ•  ์š•๊ตฌ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์ง€๋งŒ
04:43
but they have barriers to doing so.
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์žฅ๋ฒฝ์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:46
But what my research has shown over the last two decades
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ œ ์ง€๋‚œ ์ด์‹ญ ๋…„๊ฐ„์˜ ์—ฐ๊ตฌ๊ฐ€ ๋ณด์—ฌ์ฃผ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€
04:49
is that what looks like a gender difference
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์„ฑ์ฐจ์ด์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋ณด์ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด
04:53
is not really a gender double bind,
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์‚ฌ์‹ค์€ ์„ฑ๋ณ„์˜ ์ด์ค‘๊ณ ๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹Œ
04:55
it's a really a low-power double bind.
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์ €๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์˜ ์ด์ค‘๊ณ ๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:57
And what looks like a gender difference
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์„ฑ์ฐจ์ด์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๊ฐ€์žฅํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ด
04:59
are really often just power differences in disguise.
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์‚ฌ์‹ค ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ ์ฐจ์ด์ผ ๊ฒฝ์šฐ๊ฐ€ ๋งŽ์ฃ .
05:03
Oftentimes we see a difference between a man and a woman
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ž์ฃผ ๋‚จ์ž์™€ ์—ฌ์ž์˜
05:06
or men and women,
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์ฐจ์ด๋ฅผ ๋ณด๋ฉด์„œ
05:07
and think, "Biological cause. There's something fundamentally different
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"์ƒ๋ฌผํ•™์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ญ”๊ฐ€ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ด์œ ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์„ ๊ฑฐ์•ผ." ๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
05:10
about the sexes."
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05:12
But in study after study,
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๋งŽ์€ ์—ฐ๊ตฌ ๋์—
05:14
I've found that a better explanation for many sex differences
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์ €๋Š” ์„ฑ์ฐจ์ด์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋” ๋‚˜์€ ์„ค๋ช…์€
05:18
is really power.
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๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ž„์„ ์•Œ์•„๋ƒˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:20
And so it's the low-power double bind.
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์ €๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์˜ ์ด์ค‘๊ณ ์ฃ .
05:23
And the low-power double bind means that we have a narrow range,
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์ €๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์˜ ์ด์ค‘๊ณ ๋Š” ๊ฒฐ์ • ๋ฒ”์œ„๊ฐ€ ์ข๊ณ 
05:28
and we lack power.
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๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ด ์ ์€ ๊ฒƒ์„ ์˜๋ฏธํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:30
We have a narrow range,
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ํ–‰๋™ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋Š” ์ข์€๋ฐ
05:31
and our double bind is very large.
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์–ด๋ ค์›€์ด ์ด์ค‘์œผ๋กœ ๊ตฌ์†ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์ฃ .
05:34
So we need to find ways to expand our range.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋ฉด ๋ฒ”์œ„๋ฅผ ๋„“ํž ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ์ฐพ์•„์•ผ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:36
And over the last couple decades,
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์ง€๋‚œ ๋ช‡์‹ญ ๋…„ ๋™์•ˆ
05:38
my colleagues and I have found two things really matter.
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์ €์™€ ์ œ ๋™๋ฃŒ๋“ค์€ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€๋ฅผ ๋ฐœ๊ฒฌํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:41
The first: you seem powerful in your own eyes.
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์ฒซ์งธ๋Š” ์ž์‹ ์˜ ๋ˆˆ์— ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ ์žˆ์–ด ๋ณด์ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ
05:46
The second: you seem powerful in the eyes of others.
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๋‘˜์งธ๋Š” ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค ๋ˆˆ์— ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ ์žˆ์–ด ๋ณด์ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:49
When I feel powerful,
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๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ํž˜์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋Š๋ผ๋ฉด
05:52
I feel confident, not fearful;
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๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š๊ณ  ์ž์‹ ์ด ์žˆ์–ด
05:54
I expand my own range.
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๋‚ด ๋ฒ”์œ„๊ฐ€ ํ™•์žฅ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:55
When other people see me as powerful,
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค๊นŒ์ง€ ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ ์žˆ๊ฒŒ ๋ณด๋ฉด
05:58
they grant me a wider range.
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๋” ๋„“์€ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋ฅผ ๋ถ€์—ฌํ•˜์ฃ .
06:01
So we need tools to expand our range of acceptable behavior.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋ฉด ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ฐ”๋žŒ์งํ•œ ํ–‰๋™ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋ฅผ ํ™•์žฅ์‹œํ‚ฌ ๋„๊ตฌ๊ฐ€ ํ•„์š”ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:05
And I'm going to give you a set of tools today.
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๊ทธ ๋„๊ตฌ ๋ช‡ ๊ฐ€์ง€๋ฅผ ์˜ค๋Š˜ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ• ๊นŒ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:08
Speaking up is risky,
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์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๊ธฐ๋Š” ์œ„ํ—˜ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
06:10
but these tools will lower your risk of speaking up.
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์ด ๋„๊ตฌ๋“ค์ด ๊ทธ ์œ„ํ—˜์„ ์ค„์—ฌ ์ค„ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:15
The first tool I'm going to give you got discovered in negotiations
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์ฒซ ๋ฒˆ์งธ ๋„๊ตฌ๋Š” ํ˜‘์ƒ์— ๊ด€ํ•œ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ์—ฐ๊ตฌ์—์„œ
06:20
in an important finding.
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๋„์ถœ๋˜์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:22
On average, women make less ambitious offers
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ํ‰๊ท ์ ์œผ๋กœ ์—ฌ์„ฑ๋“ค์€ ํ˜‘์ƒ ํ…Œ์ด๋ธ”์—์„œ
06:26
and get worse outcomes than men at the bargaining table.
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๋œ ์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๊ณ  ์ด์ต์„ ๋œ ์–ป์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:30
But Hannah Riley Bowles and Emily Amanatullah have discovered
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ํ•œ๋‚˜ ๋ผ์ผ๋ฆฌ ๋ณด์šธ์Šค์™€ ์—๋ฐ€๋ฆฌ ์•„๋งˆ๋‚˜ํˆด๋ผ๋Š”
06:33
there's one situation where women get the same outcomes as men
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์—ฌ์„ฑ์ด ๋‚จ์„ฑ๋งŒํผ ์•ผ์‹ฌ์ฐจ๊ฒŒ ์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๊ณ  ์ด์ต์„ ์–ป๋Š”
06:37
and are just as ambitious.
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์ƒํ™ฉ์ด ํ•˜๋‚˜ ์žˆ์Œ์„ ๋ฐœ๊ฒฌํ–ˆ์ฃ .
06:39
That's when they advocate for others.
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ์œ„ํ•  ๋•Œ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:43
When they advocate for others,
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ์œ„ํ•  ๋•Œ
06:45
they discover their own range and expand it in their own mind.
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๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ์ž์‹ ์˜ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋ฅผ ๋ฐœ๊ฒฌํ•˜๊ณ  ๋งˆ์Œ ์†์—์„œ ์ด๋ฅผ ๋„“ํž™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:50
They become more assertive.
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๋” ์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์ฃ .
06:51
This is sometimes called "the mama bear effect."
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์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ์ž์ฃผ '์—„๋งˆ ๊ณฐ ํšจ๊ณผ' ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ถˆ๋ฆฝ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:55
Like a mama bear defending her cubs,
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์ƒˆ๋ผ๋ฅผ ๋ณดํ˜ธํ•˜๋Š” ์—„๋งˆ๊ณฐ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ
06:57
when we advocate for others, we can discover our own voice.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ์œ„ํ•˜๋ฉด์„œ ์ž์‹ ์˜ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋ฐœ๊ฒฌํ•˜๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜์ฃ .
07:02
But sometimes, we have to advocate for ourselves.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ž์‹ ๋งŒ์„ ์˜นํ˜ธํ•ด์•ผ ํ•  ๋•Œ๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:05
How do we do that?
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๊ทธ๋Ÿด ๋• ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ํ• ๊นŒ์š”?
07:06
One of the most important tools we have to advocate for ourselves
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์˜นํ˜ธํ•  ๋•Œ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๋„๊ตฌ ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜๋Š”
07:10
is something called perspective-taking.
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์ž…์žฅ ์ทจํ•˜๊ธฐ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ถ€๋ฅด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:13
And perspective-taking is really simple:
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๊ทธ ์˜๋ฏธ๋Š” ๊ฐ„๋‹จํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:16
it's simply looking at the world through the eyes of another person.
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์˜ ์ž…์žฅ์—์„œ ์„ธ์ƒ์„ ๋ณด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์ฃ .
07:21
It's one of the most important tools we have to expand our range.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋ฅผ ๋„“ํž ๋•Œ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๋„๊ตฌ์˜ ํ•˜๋‚˜์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:24
When I take your perspective,
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ์ž…์žฅ์„ ์ทจํ•ด์„œ
07:26
and I think about what you really want,
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ์ •๋ง ๋ฌด์—‡์„ ์›ํ•˜๋Š”๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๋ฉด
07:29
you're more likely to give me what I really want.
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ •๋ง ์›ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฌด์–ธ๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ์ค„ ๊ฐ€๋Šฅ์„ฑ์ด ๋†’๊ฒ ์ฃ .
07:33
But here's the problem:
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๋ฌธ์ œ๋Š”
07:34
perspective-taking is hard to do.
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์ž…์žฅ ์ทจํ•˜๊ธฐ์˜ ์–ด๋ ค์›€์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:37
So let's do a little experiment.
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์‹คํ—˜์„ ํ•˜๋‚˜ ํ•ด ๋ด…์‹œ๋‹ค.
07:38
I want you all to hold your hand just like this:
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๋ชจ๋‘ ์†์„ ์ด๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ์œ„๋กœ ํ•˜์—ฌ
07:41
your finger -- put it up.
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์†๊ฐ€๋ฝ์„ ๋“ค์–ด ์ฃผ์„ธ์š”.
07:43
And I want you to draw a capital letter E on your forehead
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ตœ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋นจ๋ฆฌ ์ด๋งˆ์— ๋Œ€๋ฌธ์ž E๋ฅผ
07:48
as quickly as possible.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ์„ธ์š”.
07:52
OK, it turns out that we can draw this E in one of two ways,
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E๋ฅผ ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ฐฉํ–ฅ์—๋Š” ๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๊ณ 
07:55
and this was originally designed as a test of perspective-taking.
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์ด ์‹คํ—˜์€ ์›๋ž˜ ์ž…์žฅ ์ทจํ•˜๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ์œ„ํ•ด ๊ณ ์•ˆ๋œ ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:58
I'm going to show you two pictures
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์ด๋งˆ์— E๋ฅผ ๊ทธ๋ฆฐ
08:00
of someone with an E on their forehead --
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๋‘ ๊ฐœ์˜ ์‚ฌ์ง„์„ ๋ณด์—ฌ ๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:02
my former student, Erika Hall.
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์ œ ์ „ ์ œ์ž ์—๋ฆฌ์นด ํ™€์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:05
And you can see over here,
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์—ฌ๊ธฐ์„œ ๋ณด์‹œ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ
08:07
that's the correct E.
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์™ผ์ชฝ์ด ๋งž๋Š” E์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:08
I drew the E so it looks like an E to another person.
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์ €๋Š” E๋ฅผ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์—๊ฒŒ E์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋ณด์ด๊ฒŒ ๊ทธ๋ ธ์ฃ .
08:12
That's the perspective-taking E
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์ž…์žฅ์„ ์ทจํ•˜๋Š” E์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:14
because it looks like an E from someone else's vantage point.
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์˜ ์‹œ์ ์—์„œ E์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋ณด์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:17
But this E over here is the self-focused E.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์˜ค๋ฅธ์ชฝ E๋Š” ์ž๊ธฐ์ค‘์‹ฌ์  E์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:20
We often get self-focused.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ข…์ข… ์ž์‹ ์—๊ฒŒ ์ง‘์ค‘ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:22
And we particularly get self-focused in a crisis.
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์œ„๊ธฐ ์ƒํ™ฉ์—์„  ๋”์šฑ ๊ทธ๋ ‡์ฃ .
08:26
I want to tell you about a particular crisis.
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์œ„๊ธฐ ์ƒํ™ฉ ํ•˜๋‚˜๋ฅผ ์˜ˆ๋กœ ๋“ค๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:28
A man walks into a bank in Watsonville, California.
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์บ˜๋ฆฌํฌ๋‹ˆ์•„ ์™“์Šจ๋นŒ์—์„œ ํ•œ ๋‚จ์ž๊ฐ€ ์€ํ–‰์œผ๋กœ ๊ฑธ์–ด๋“ค์–ด์˜ต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:32
And he says, "Give me $2,000,
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๊ทธ๋Š” 2์ฒœ ๋‹ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ฅผ ์ฃผ์ง€ ์•Š์œผ๋ฉด
08:34
or I'm blowing the whole bank up with a bomb."
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์€ํ–‰์„ ํญ๋ฐœ์‹œํ‚ค๊ฒ ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋งํ•˜์ฃ .
08:37
Now, the bank manager didn't give him the money.
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์€ํ–‰ ๊ด€๋ฆฌ์ž๋Š” ๋ˆ์„ ์ฃผ์ง€ ์•Š์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:40
She took a step back.
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๊ทธ๋…€๋Š” ํ•œ ๋ฐœ ๋ฌผ๋Ÿฌ์„œ์„œ
08:41
She took his perspective,
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๊ทธ์˜ ๊ด€์ ์„ ์ทจํ–ˆ์ฃ .
08:43
and she noticed something really important.
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๋ฌด์–ธ๊ฐ€ ์ด์ƒํ•œ ์ ์„ ๋ฐœ๊ฒฌํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:45
He asked for a specific amount of money.
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ํŠน์ •ํ•œ ๊ธˆ์•ก์„ ์š”๊ตฌํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ด์ฃ .
08:48
So she said,
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๋ฌผ์—ˆ์ฃ .
08:50
"Why did you ask for $2,000?"
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"์™œ 2์ฒœ ๋‹ฌ๋Ÿฌ์ฃ ?"
08:53
And he said, "My friend is going to be evicted
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"๋‹น์žฅ 2์ฒœ ๋‹ฌ๋Ÿฌ๊ฐ€ ์—†์œผ๋ฉด ๋‚ด ์นœ๊ตฌ๊ฐ€ ์ซ“๊ฒจ๋‚œ๋‹จ ๋ง์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค."
08:55
unless I get him $2,000 immediately."
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๊ทธ๋Š” ๋งํ–ˆ์ฃ .
08:57
And she said, "Oh! You don't want to rob the bank --
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๊ทธ๋…€๋Š” "์•„, ์€ํ–‰์„ ํ„ธ๋ ค๋Š” ๊ฒŒ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
09:01
you want to take out a loan."
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๋Œ€์ถœ์„ ๋ฐ›์œผ์‹œ๋Š” ๊ฑฐ๊ตฐ์š”."
09:02
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
09:03
"Why don't you come back to my office,
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"๋‹ค์Œ์— ์ง€์ ์— ์˜ค์‹œ๋ฉด
09:05
and we can have you fill out the paperwork."
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์„œ๋ฅ˜ ์ž‘์„ฑ์„ ๋„์™€ ๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค."
09:07
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
09:09
Now, her quick perspective-taking defused a volatile situation.
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๊ทธ๋…€์˜ ๋น ๋ฅธ ์ž…์žฅ ์ทจํ•˜๊ธฐ๋Š” ๊ธด๋ฐ•ํ•œ ์ƒํ™ฉ์„ ๋ˆ„๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋œจ๋ ธ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:14
So when we take someone's perspective,
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์˜ ์ž…์žฅ์„ ์ทจํ•˜๋ฉด
09:16
it allows us to be ambitious and assertive, but still be likable.
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์•ผ์‹ฌ์ฐจ๊ฒŒ ์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๋ฉด์„œ๋„ ํ˜ธ์˜์ ์ธ ๊ฒŒ ๊ฐ€๋Šฅํ•˜์ฃ .
09:21
Here's another way to be assertive but still be likable,
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ํ˜ธ์˜์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๋Š” ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์€
09:24
and that is to signal flexibility.
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์‹ ํ˜ธ ์œ ์—ฐ์„ฑ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:27
Now, imagine you're a car salesperson, and you want to sell someone a car.
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ์ฐจ ์˜์—…์‚ฌ์›์œผ๋กœ ์ฐจ๋ฅผ ํŒ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๊ฐ€์ •ํ•˜์ฃ .
09:31
You're going to more likely make the sale if you give them two options.
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๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ์„ ํƒ๊ถŒ์„ ์ฃผ๋ฉด ์ฐจ๊ฐ€ ๋” ์ž˜ ํŒ”๋ฆฝ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:36
Let's say option A:
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์„ ํƒ A๊ฐ€
09:37
$24,000 for this car and a five-year warranty.
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2๋งŒ 4์ฒœ ๋‹ฌ๋Ÿฌ์— 5๋…„ ๋ณด์ฆ์ด๊ณ 
09:41
Or option B:
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์„ ํƒ B๊ฐ€
09:42
$23,000 and a three-year warranty.
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2๋งŒ 3์ฒœ ๋‹ฌ๋Ÿฌ์— 3๋…„ ๋ณด์ฆ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ํ•˜์ฃ .
09:45
My research shows that when you give people a choice among options,
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์ œ ์—ฐ๊ตฌ๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ์„ ํƒ๊ถŒ์„ ์ฃผ๋ฉด
09:49
it lowers their defenses,
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๋œ ๋ฐฉ์–ด์ ์ด๊ฒŒ ๋˜๊ณ 
09:51
and they're more likely to accept your offer.
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์ œ์•ˆ์„ ์ˆ˜๋ฝํ•  ๊ฐ€๋Šฅ์„ฑ์ด ๋†’์•„์ง์„ ๋ณด์—ฌ ์ค๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:54
And this doesn't just work with salespeople;
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ํŒ๋งค์›์—๊ฒŒ๋งŒ ํ•ด๋‹น๋˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ์•„๋‹ˆ๊ณ 
09:56
it works with parents.
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๋ถ€๋ชจ์—๊ฒŒ๋„ ํ†ตํ•˜์ฃ .
09:57
When my niece was four,
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์ œ ์กฐ์นด๊ฐ€ ๋„ค ์‚ด ๋•Œ
09:58
she resisted getting dressed and rejected everything.
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์˜ท ์ž…๋Š” ๊ฑธ ํฌํ•จํ•ด์„œ ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฑธ ๊ฑฐ๋ถ€ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:02
But then my sister-in-law had a brilliant idea.
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๊ทธ ๋•Œ ์ œ ์ฒ˜์ œ์—๊ฒŒ ์•„์ด๋””์–ด๊ฐ€ ๋– ์˜ฌ๋ž์ฃ .
10:05
What if I gave my daughter a choice?
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๋”ธ์—๊ฒŒ ์„ ํƒ๊ถŒ์„ ์ค˜ ๋ณผ๊นŒ?
10:07
This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt.
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์ด ์…”์ธ  ์•„๋‹˜ ์ € ์…”์ธ ? ์ด๊ฑฐ.
10:09
This pant or that pant? OK, that pant.
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์ด ๋ฐ”์ง€ ์•„๋‹˜ ์ € ๋ฐ”์ง€? ์ €๊ฑฐ.
10:11
And it worked brilliantly.
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๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๋Š” ํ›Œ๋ฅญํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:13
She got dressed quickly and without resistance.
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์กฐ์นด๋Š” ์ €ํ•ญ ์—†์ด ๊ธˆ๋ฐฉ ์˜ท์„ ์ž…์—ˆ์ฃ .
10:17
When I've asked the question around the world
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์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ
10:19
when people feel comfortable speaking up,
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์–ธ์ œ ์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ํŽธํ•˜๋ƒ๊ณ  ๋ฌผ์–ด ๋ณด๋ฉด
10:21
the number one answer is:
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๊ฐ€์žฅ ๋งŽ์€ ๋‹ต๋ณ€์€
10:23
"When I have social support in my audience; when I have allies."
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"์ œ ์ฒญ์ค‘ ์ค‘์— ์ง€์ง€์ž, ๋™๋งน์ด ์žˆ์„ ๋•Œ์š”."์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:28
So we want to get allies on our side.
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๋™๋งน์„ ์–ป๊ณ  ์‹ถ๊ตฐ์š”.
10:31
How do we do that?
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์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๋ฉด ๋ ๊นŒ์š”?
10:33
Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear.
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ํ•˜๋‚˜์˜ ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์€ ์—„๋งˆ ๊ณฐ์ด ๋˜๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:36
When we advocate for others,
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ์œ„ํ•  ๋•Œ
10:37
we expand our range in our own eyes and the eyes of others,
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์ €์™€ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์˜ ๋ˆˆ์— ๋ฒ”์œ„๋ฅผ ํ™•์žฅํ•˜๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
10:41
but we also earn strong allies.
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๋ฏฟ์Œ์งํ•œ ๋™๋งน์„ ์–ป๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜์ฃ .
10:43
Another way we can earn strong allies, especially in high places,
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ํŠนํžˆ ๋†’์€ ์œ„์น˜์— ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฐ•ํ•œ ๋™๋งน์„ ์–ป๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์€
10:48
is by asking other people for advice.
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์กฐ์–ธ์„ ๊ตฌํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:51
When we ask others for advice, they like us because we flatter them,
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๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€์—๊ฒŒ ์กฐ์–ธ์„ ๊ตฌํ•  ๋•Œ ๊ฒธ์†ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๊ทธ๋“ค์„ ์ถ”์ผœ์„ธ์›Œ
10:57
and we're expressing humility.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์ข‹์•„ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋˜์ฃ .
10:59
And this really works to solve another double bind.
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์ด๋Š” ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ด์ค‘๊ณ ๋ฅผ ํ‘ธ๋Š” ๋ฐ ๋„์›€์ด ๋˜๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:02
And that's the self-promotion double bind.
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์ž๊ธฐ๊ด‘๊ณ ์˜ ์ด์ค‘๊ณ ์ด์ฃ .
11:05
The self-promotion double bind
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์ž๊ธฐ๊ด‘๊ณ ์˜ ์ด์ค‘๊ณ ๋Š”
11:07
is that if we don't advertise our accomplishments,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ์˜ ์„ฑ๊ณผ๋ฅผ ์•Œ๋ฆฌ์ง€ ์•Š์œผ๋ฉด
11:10
no one notices.
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๊ด€์‹ฌ์„ ๋ฐ›์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
11:11
And if we do, we're not likable.
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๋ฝ๋‚ด๋ฉด ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์ข‹์•„ํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š๋Š”๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์ฃ .
11:13
But if we ask for advice about one of our accomplishments,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์„ฑ๊ณผ ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์กฐ์–ธ์„ ์š”์ฒญํ•˜๋ฉด
11:17
we are able to be competent in their eyes but also be likeable.
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๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ๋ˆˆ์—๋Š” ์œ ๋Šฅํ•˜๋ฉด์„œ ํ˜ธ์˜์ ์œผ๋กœ๋„ ๋ณด์ด๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ .
11:22
And this is so powerful
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์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ๋นคํžˆ ๋ณด์ผ ๋•Œ์กฐ์ฐจ
11:24
it even works when you see it coming.
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ํšจ๊ณผ์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ž‘์šฉํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:27
There have been multiple times in life when I have been forewarned
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์ €๋ณด๋‹ค ๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ด ๋‚ฎ์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ์ €ํ•œํ…Œ ๋ฌผ์–ด๋ณด๋ผ๋Š” ๋ง์„ ๋“ค์—ˆ๋‹ค๊ณ 
11:31
that a low-power person has been given the advice to come ask me for advice.
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๋ฏธ๋ฆฌ ์•ˆ๋‚ด๋ฐ›์€ ์ƒํ™ฉ์ด ์‚ถ์—์„œ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ ๋ฒˆ ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:36
I want you to notice three things about this:
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์„ธ ๊ฐ€์ง€๋ฅผ ๋งํ•ด ๋“œ๋ฆฝ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:38
First, I knew they were going to come ask me for advice.
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์ฒซ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋Š” ๊ทธ๋“ค์ด ์ €์—๊ฒŒ ์กฐ์–ธ์„ ๊ตฌํ•  ๊ฒƒ์ž„์„ ์•Œ์•˜๊ณ 
11:41
Two, I've actually done research on the strategic benefits
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๋‘ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋Š” ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์กฐ์–ธ ๊ตฌํ•˜๊ธฐ์˜ ์ „๋žต์  ์ด์ต์— ํ•ดํ•œ
11:45
of asking for advice.
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์—ฐ๊ตฌ๋ฅผ ํ•œ ์  ์žˆ์œผ๋ฉฐ
11:47
And three, it still worked!
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์„ธ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋Š” ๊ทธ๊ฒŒ ํ†ตํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:50
I took their perspective,
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๊ทธ๋“ค์ด ์กฐ์–ธ์„ ๊ตฌํ–ˆ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์—
11:51
I became more invested in their cause,
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์ €๋Š” ๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ๊ด€์ ์„ ์ทจํ•˜๊ณ 
11:54
I became more committed to them because they asked for advice.
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๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ์š”๊ตฌ์— ๋” ๊ด€์‹ฌ์„ ๊ธฐ์šธ์ด๊ณ  ๋” ํ—Œ์‹ ์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ณ€ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:58
Now, another time we feel more confident speaking up
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋” ์ž์‹ ์žˆ๊ฒŒ ์ฃผ์žฅํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋˜ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๋•Œ๋Š”
12:01
is when we have expertise.
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์ „๋ฌธ์„ฑ์„ ๊ฐ€์กŒ์„ ๋•Œ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:04
Expertise gives us credibility.
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์ „๋ฌธ์„ฑ์€ ์‹ ๋ขฐ์„ฑ์œผ๋กœ ์ด์–ด์ง€์ฃ .
12:06
When we have high power, we already have credibility.
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๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ด ๋†’์œผ๋ฉด ์ด๋ฏธ ์‹ ๋ขฐ์„ฑ์€ ๊ฐ–์ท„์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:09
We only need good evidence.
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์ ๋‹นํ•œ ์ฆ๊ฑฐ๋ฉด ์ถฉ๋ถ„ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:11
When we lack power, we don't have the credibility.
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๊ถŒ๋ ฅ์ด ์ ์œผ๋ฉด ์‹ ๋ขฐ์„ฑ์ด ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:14
We need excellent evidence.
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ํƒ์›”ํ•œ ์ฆ๊ฑฐ๊ฐ€ ํ•„์š”ํ•˜์ฃ .
12:17
And one of the ways we can come across as an expert
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์ „๋ฌธ๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ๋  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ• ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜๋Š”
12:21
is by tapping into our passion.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ์˜ ์—ด์ •์„ ๊ฑด๋“œ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:23
I want everyone in the next few days to go up to friend of theirs
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๊ฐ์ž ๋ฉฐ์น  ์•ˆ์— ์นœ๊ตฌ ์•ž์— ๊ฐ€์„œ
12:27
and just say to them,
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์ด ๋ง์„ ํ•ด ๋ณด์„ธ์š”.
12:29
"I want you to describe a passion of yours to me."
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"๋„ค๊ฐ€ ์—ด์ •์„ ๋Š๋‚€ ๋ถ„์•ผ๋ฅผ ํ•œ๋ฒˆ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•ด ๋ด."
12:32
I've had people do this all over the world
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์ €๋Š” ์„ธ๊ณ„์˜ ๋งŽ์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ
12:35
and I asked them,
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๋ฌผ์–ด ๋ณด์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:36
"What did you notice about the other person
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"์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ์ž์˜ ์—ด์ •์„ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•  ๋•Œ
12:38
when they described their passion?"
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์–ด๋–ค ๋ชจ์Šต์ด์—ˆ๋‚˜์š”?"
12:40
And the answers are always the same.
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์ •๋‹ต์€ ํ•ญ์ƒ ๋น„์Šทํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:42
"Their eyes lit up and got big."
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"๋ˆˆ์ด ๋ฐ˜์ง์ด๋ฉฐ ์ปค์กŒ์–ด์š”."
12:44
"They smiled a big beaming smile."
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"ํ™˜ํ•œ ๋ฏธ์†Œ๋ฅผ ์ง€์—ˆ์–ด์š”."
12:47
"They used their hands all over --
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"์†์„ ์ด๋ฆฌ์ €๋ฆฌ ํœ˜์ €์–ด์„œ
12:49
I had to duck because their hands were coming at me."
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์ €ํ•œํ…Œ ๋‹ฟ์„๊นŒ๋ด ๋ชธ์„ ์ˆ™์—ฌ์•ผ ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”."
12:51
"They talk quickly with a little higher pitch."
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"๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ฐ‘์ž๊ธฐ ๋†’๊ณ  ๋นจ๋ผ์กŒ์–ด์š”."
12:54
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
12:55
"They leaned in as if telling me a secret."
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"๋น„๋ฐ€์„ ๋งํ•˜๋ ค๋Š” ๋“ฏ ์•ž์œผ๋กœ ๋ชธ์„ ๊ธฐ์šธ์˜€์–ด์š”."
12:57
And then I said to them,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋˜ ์งˆ๋ฌธํ–ˆ์ฃ .
12:58
"What happened to you as you listened to their passion?"
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"๊ทธ ๋•Œ ๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ๋ชจ์Šต์€ ์–ด๋• ๋‚˜์š”?"
13:02
They said, "My eyes lit up.
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๊ทธ๋“ค์€ "์ œ ๋ˆˆ๋„ ๋ฐ˜์ง์ด๋ฉฐ
13:04
I smiled.
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๋ฏธ์†Œ๋ฅผ ์ง“๊ณ 
13:05
I leaned in."
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๋ชธ์„ ๊ธฐ์šธ์˜€์–ด์š”."
13:07
When we tap into our passion,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ์˜ ์—ด์ •์„ ํŽผ์ณ๋ณด์ผ ๋•Œ
13:09
we give ourselves the courage, in our own eyes, to speak up,
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ž๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ์ฃผ์žฅํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ์šฉ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ์–ป๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
13:12
but we also get the permission from others to speak up.
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์ฃผ์žฅํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ํƒ€์ธ์˜ ํ—ˆ๋ฝ์„ ๋ฐ›๊ฒŒ ๋˜๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:16
Tapping into our passion even works when we come across as too weak.
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์—ด์ •์— ๊ท€๋ฅผ ๊ธฐ์šธ์ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์•ฝํ•  ๋•Œ๋„ ํšจ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์ฃ .
13:22
Both men and women get punished at work when they shed tears.
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๋‚จ๋…€ ๋ชจ๋‘ ์ง์žฅ์—์„œ ๋ˆˆ๋ฌผ์„ ํ˜๋ฆฌ๋ฉด ๋น„๋‚œ์„ ๋ฐ›์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:27
But Lizzie Wolf has shown that when we frame our strong emotions as passion,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๋ฆฌ์ง€ ์šธํ”„๋Š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ ๊ฐ•ํ•œ ๊ฐ์ •์„ ์—ด์ •์œผ๋กœ ์ธ์‹ํ•  ๋•Œ
13:33
the condemnation of our crying disappears for both men and women.
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์šธ์Œ์˜ ๋น„๋‚œ์€ ๋‚จ๋…€ ๋ชจ๋‘์—๊ฒŒ์„œ ์‚ฌ๋ผ์ง์„ ๋ฐœ๊ฒฌํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:40
I want to end with a few words from my late father
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๋Œ์•„๊ฐ€์‹  ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ป˜์„œ ํ˜•์˜ ๊ฒฐํ˜ผ์‹์—์„œ ํ•˜์‹ 
13:44
that he spoke at my twin brother's wedding.
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๋ช‡ ๋งˆ๋””๋ฅผ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•˜๋ฉฐ ๋งˆ์น˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:46
Here's a picture of us.
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์ €ํฌ๋“ค ์‚ฌ์ง„์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:49
My dad was a psychologist like me,
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋Š” ์ €์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ์‹ฌ๋ฆฌํ•™์ž์…จ์ง€๋งŒ
13:51
but his real love and his real passion was cinema,
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๊ทธ์˜ ์ง„์ •ํ•œ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘๊ณผ ์—ด์ •์€ ์ œ ํ˜•์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ์˜ํ™”์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:55
like my brother.
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13:56
And so he wrote a speech for my brother's wedding
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๊ทธ๋Š” ์‚ถ์˜ ํฌ๊ทน์—์„œ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ํ•˜๋Š” ์—ญํ• ์„ ๋‹ด์€
13:59
about the roles we play in the human comedy.
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์—ฐ์„ค๋ฌธ์„ ๊ฒฐํ˜ผ์‹์„ ์œ„ํ•ด ์ผ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
14:02
And he said, "The lighter your touch,
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๊ทธ ๋‚ด์šฉ์€ "๋ถ€๋“œ๋Ÿฝ๊ฒŒ ์‚ด์ˆ˜๋ก
14:04
the better you become at improving and enriching your performance.
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๋Šฅ๋ ฅ์„ ํ–ฅ์ƒํ•˜๊ณ  ํ’๋ถ€ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐ ๋„์›€์ด ๋œ๋‹ค.
14:09
Those who embrace their roles and work to improve their performance
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์—ญํ• ์„ ๋ฐ›์•„๋“ค์ด๋Š” ์ด๋Š” ์—ญ๋Ÿ‰์„ ํ–ฅ์ƒ์‹œํ‚ค๋ ค ํž˜์“ฐ๊ณ 
14:14
grow, change and expand the self.
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์„ฑ์žฅํ•˜๊ณ  ๋ณ€ํ™”ํ•˜๋ฉฐ ์ž์‹ ์„ ํ™•์žฅ์‹œํ‚จ๋‹ค.
14:17
Play it well,
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์—ญํ•  ์—ฐ๊ธฐ๋งŒ ์ž˜ ํ•˜๋ฉด
14:18
and your days will be mostly joyful."
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์‚ถ์€ ์ถฉ๋ถ„ํžˆ ์ฆ๊ฑฐ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋ผ."
14:20
What my dad was saying
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ป˜์„œ ๋งํ•˜๋ ค๋Š” ๋ฐ”๋Š”
14:22
is that we've all been assigned ranges and roles in this world.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ชจ๋‘ ์„ธ์ƒ์—์„œ ์—ญํ• ์˜ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋ฅผ ๊ฐ€์ง„๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
14:27
But he was also saying the essence of this talk:
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ด๋Š” ์ด ๊ฐ•์—ฐ์˜ ํ•ต์‹ฌ์„ ๋‚˜ํƒ€๋‚ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
14:31
those roles and ranges are constantly expanding and evolving.
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์ด ์—ญํ• ๊ณผ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋Š” ๊ณ„์† ํ™•์žฅํ•˜๊ณ  ๋ณ€๋ชจํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
14:36
So when a scene calls for it,
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋ฏ€๋กœ ์ƒํ™ฉ๊ณผ ์žฅ๋ฉด์— ๋”ฐ๋ผ
14:39
be a ferocious mama bear
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๋งน๋ ฌํ•œ ์—„๋งˆ ๊ณฐ์ด ๋˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜
14:41
and a humble advice seeker.
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๊ฒธ์†ํ•œ ์กฐ์–ธ์„ ์ฐพ๊ณ 
14:43
Have excellent evidence and strong allies.
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ํƒ์›”ํ•œ ์ฆ๊ฑฐ์™€ ๊ฐ•ํ•œ ์›๊ตฐ์„ ํ™•๋ณดํ•˜๋ฉฐ
14:47
Be a passionate perspective taker.
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์—ด์ •์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ž…์žฅ ์ทจํ•˜๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.
14:50
And if you use those tools --
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๋ชจ๋‘๊ฐ€ ๋ฐฐ์šธ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š”
14:52
and each and every one of you can use these tools --
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์ด ๋„๊ตฌ๋ฅผ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜๋ฉด
14:56
you will expand your range of acceptable behavior,
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ํ–‰๋™ ๋ฒ”์œ„๋ฅผ ํ™•์žฅ์‹œํ‚ค๊ณ 
14:59
and your days will be mostly joyful.
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์ถฉ๋ถ„ํžˆ ์ฆ๊ฑฐ์šด ๋‚˜๋‚ ์ด ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
15:04
Thank you.
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
15:05
(Applause)
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
์ด ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ ์ •๋ณด

์ด ์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ๋Š” ์˜์–ด ํ•™์Šต์— ์œ ์šฉํ•œ YouTube ๋™์˜์ƒ์„ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ˆ˜์—…์„ ๋ณด๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ๋™์˜์ƒ ํŽ˜์ด์ง€์— ํ‘œ์‹œ๋˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ” ํด๋ฆญํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋™์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋น„๋””์˜ค ์žฌ์ƒ์— ๋งž์ถฐ ์ž๋ง‰์ด ์Šคํฌ๋กค๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜๊ฒฌ์ด๋‚˜ ์š”์ฒญ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ์ด ๋ฌธ์˜ ์–‘์‹์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜์—ฌ ๋ฌธ์˜ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.

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