I don't want children -- stop telling me I'll change my mind | Christen Reighter

2,482,734 views ・ 2017-12-07

TED


μ•„λž˜ μ˜λ¬Έμžλ§‰μ„ λ”λΈ”ν΄λ¦­ν•˜μ‹œλ©΄ μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.

λ²ˆμ—­: GYEONGHUI KIM κ²€ν† : Jeonggyu Kang
00:12
I recognized the roles that were placed on me very early.
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μ €λŠ” 제게 주어진 역할을 일찍이 μ•Œκ³  μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:17
One persistent concept that I observed --
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λŒ€μ€‘ λ§€μ²΄λ‚˜ μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ˜ λŒ€ν™”μ—λŠ” ν•œκ°€μ§€ 고정관념이 μžˆλŠ”λ°μš”.
00:21
existing in our language, in our media --
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00:23
was that women are not only supposed to have children,
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여성은 아이λ₯Ό κ°€μ Έμ•Ό ν•  뿐만 μ•„λ‹ˆλΌ
00:29
they are supposed to want to.
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κ°–κΈ°λ₯Ό 원해야 ν•œλ‹€λŠ” κ³ μ •κ΄€λ…μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:32
This existed everywhere.
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이런 고정관념은 μ–΄λ””μ—λ‚˜ μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:34
It existed in the ways that adults spoke to me
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μ–΄λ₯Έλ“€μ΄ μ €μ—κ²Œ ν•˜λŠ” μ§ˆλ¬Έμ—λ„ κ·Έ 고정관념이 λ‚΄ν¬λ˜μ–΄ 있죠.
00:38
when they posed questions in the context of "when."
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"μ–Έμ œ 뭘 ν•˜λ©΄.." 이런 μ‹μ˜ μ§ˆλ¬Έμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:43
"When you get married ..."
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"λ„€κ°€ κ²°ν˜Όν•˜κ²Œ 되면..."
00:45
"When you have kids ..."
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"λ„€κ°€ 아이듀을 κ°–κ²Œ 되면..."
00:48
And these future musings were always presented to me
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제게 늘 이런 μ‹μœΌλ‘œ λ―Έλž˜μ— λŒ€ν•œ μ•”μ‹œλ₯Ό μ£Όμ—ˆμ£ .
00:51
like part of this American dream,
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그게 마치 미ꡭ인이 κ°€μ Έμ•Ό ν•  꿈인 κ²ƒμ²˜λŸΌμš”.
00:54
but it always felt to me like someone else's dream.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ μ œκ²ŒλŠ” 항상 λ‚¨μ˜ μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°λ‘œ λŠκ»΄μ‘ŒμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:57
You see, a value that I have always understood about myself
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μ € 슀슀둜 늘 κ°€μ‘Œλ˜ κ°€μΉ˜κ΄€μ€
01:01
was that I never wanted children.
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κ²°μ½” 아이λ₯Ό 갖지 μ•Šκ² λ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:04
And as a kid, when I would try to explain this,
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μ œκ°€ 어렸을 λ•ŒλŠ”
μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ΄ 제게 μ›ν–ˆλ˜ μ—­ν• κ³Ό
01:08
this disconnect between their roles and my values,
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μ €μ˜ κ°€μΉ˜κ΄€ μ‚¬μ΄μ˜ 차이λ₯Ό μ„€λͺ…ν•˜λ €κ³  ν•˜λ©΄
01:12
they often laughed
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애듀이 생각 없이 ν•˜λŠ” 말이라며 μ–΄λ₯Έλ“€μ€ 웃어 λ„˜κΈ°κ³€ ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:14
in the way that adults do at the absurdities of children.
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01:18
And they would tell me knowingly,
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그리고 ν™•μ‹ ν•˜λ“― μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ λ§ν–ˆμ£ .
01:20
"You'll change your mind."
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"λ„€ 생각은 λ°”λ€” κ±°μ•Ό." λΌκ³ μš”.
01:23
And people have been saying things like that to me my whole life.
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μ§€κΈˆκ» λ§Œλ‚œ μ‚¬λžŒλ“€λ„ 같은 말을 ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:27
Otherwise polite conversation can turn intrusive fast.
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μ μž–μ€ λŒ€ν™”κ°€ 무λ₯΄μ΅λ‹€κ°€λ„ 이런 말둜 κ°‘μžκΈ° 찬물을 끼얹죠.
01:33
"Does your husband know?"
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"λ‹Ήμ‹  λ‚¨νŽΈλ„ μ•Œμ•„μš”?"
01:35
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
01:37
"Do your parents know?"
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"λΆ€λͺ¨λ‹˜λ„ μ•Œκ³  κ³„μ„Έμš”?"
01:39
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
01:41
"Don't you want a family?"
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"당신은 가쑱을 μ›ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šλ‚˜μš”?"
01:44
"Don't you want to leave anything behind?"
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"당신은 아무 것도 남기고 싢지 μ•Šμ•„μš”?"
01:48
And the primary buzzword when discussing childlessness,
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아이λ₯Ό 갖지 μ•Šκ² λ‹€λŠ” 말에 κ°€μž₯ ν”ν•œ λ°˜μ‘μ€ λ°”λ‘œ μ΄κ±°μ—μš”.
01:54
"That's selfish."
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"κ·Έκ±° λ„ˆλ¬΄ 이기적이야."
01:59
There are countless reasons a woman may have
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아이λ₯Ό 갖지 μ•ŠλŠ” μ—¬μ„±μ—κ²ŒλŠ” μ…€ 수 없이 λ§Žμ€ μ΄μœ κ°€ μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:02
for choosing to abstain from motherhood,
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02:05
the majority of them not self-prioritizing.
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그런 μ—¬μ„± λŒ€λ‹€μˆ˜λŠ” 이기적이지 μ•Šμ•„μš”.
02:10
But it is still socially acceptable to publicly vilify women as such,
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ μ—¬μ „νžˆ 우리 μ‚¬νšŒλŠ” 그런 여성듀을 λΉ„λ‚œν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:14
because none of these reasons have made it into the social narrative.
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아이λ₯Ό 갖지 μ•ŠλŠ” μ΄μœ μ— λŒ€ν•œ μ‚¬νšŒμ  λ…Όμ˜κ°€ μ—†μ—ˆκΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμ΄μ£ .
02:18
When I was little and learning about the inevitability of maternity,
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어릴 μ μ—λŠ” μ»€μ„œ μ—„λ§ˆκ°€ λ˜λŠ” 게 λ‹Ήμ—°ν•˜λ‹€κ³  λ°°μ› μ§€λ§Œ
02:24
it was never explained to me
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여성듀이 κ³΅ν†΅μ μœΌλ‘œ κ³ λ €ν•΄μ•Ό ν•  μš”μ†Œλ“€μ„ μ„€λͺ…ν•΄μ£ΌλŠ” μ΄λŠ” μ—†μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:25
the commonness of these factors that women consider,
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02:31
like the risk of passing on hereditary illness,
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예λ₯Ό λ“€μ–΄, μ§ˆλ³‘μ΄ μœ μ „λ  μœ„ν—˜μ„±μ΄λ‚˜
02:34
the danger of having to stop life-saving medication
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μž„μ‹  쀑에 μΉ˜λ£Œμ•½ λ³΅μš©μ„ λ©ˆμΆ°μ•Ό ν•  λ•Œ λ’€λ”°λ₯΄λŠ” μœ„ν—˜μ„±
02:37
for the duration of your pregnancy,
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02:39
concern about overpopulation,
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인ꡬ κ³Όμž‰μ— λŒ€ν•œ 우렀
02:41
your access to resources,
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μžμ›μ— λŒ€ν•œ μ ‘κ·Όμ„±
02:44
and the fact that there are 415,000 children
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그리고 λ―Έκ΅­μ—μ„œ 415,000λͺ…μ˜ 아이듀이
02:49
in the foster-care system in the United States at any given time.
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아무 λ•Œλ‚˜ μœ„νƒ 보호 μ‹œμ„€μ— λ§‘μ Έμ§„λ‹€λŠ” 사싀말이죠.
02:54
Reasons like these, many more,
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λ°”λ‘œ 이런 μ΄μœ λ“€κ³Ό..
λ‹€λ₯Έ μ΄μœ λ“€λ„ λ§Žκ³ μš”.
02:58
and the fact that I don't like to leave things of this magnitude to chance,
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μ €λŠ” 이 λͺ¨λ“  것듀을 μš΄μ— 맑기기 μ‹«μ—ˆκΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμ—
03:03
all informed my decision
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λΆˆμž„ μ‹œμˆ μ„ ν•˜κΈ°λ‘œ κ²°μ‹¬ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:06
to become surgically sterilized.
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03:09
I began my research eagerly.
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μ €λŠ” μ—΄μ‹¬νžˆ κ²€μƒ‰ν•˜κΈ° μ‹œμž‘ν–ˆμ–΄μš”.
03:12
I wanted to fully understand
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ν™•μ‹€ν•˜κ²Œ μ•Œκ³  μ‹Άμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:14
all that was going to come with undergoing a tubal ligation,
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λ‚œκ΄€ κ²°μ°° 수술 후에 κ²ͺ게 될 λͺ¨λ“  것듀을 μ•Œκ³  μ‹Άμ—ˆμ£ .
03:19
which is just another word for getting your tubes tied.
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λ‚˜νŒ”κ΄€μ„ λ¬Άμ–΄ λ²„λ¦°λ‹€λŠ” λœ»μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:22
I wanted to know approval to aftermath,
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κ·Έ 수술의 μž₯점뢀터 ν›„μœ μ¦κΉŒμ§€ λͺ¨λ‘ μ•Œκ³  μ‹Άμ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
03:26
satisfaction rates, risks, statistics.
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λ§Œμ‘±λ„, μœ„ν—˜, ν†΅κ³„μΉ˜ 같은 κ²ƒλ“€μ΄μš”.
03:30
And at first, I was empowered.
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μ²˜μŒμ—” μ €λŠ” μžμ‹ λ§Œλ§Œν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:32
You see, the way the narrative has always been taught to me,
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μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ˜ 이야기λ₯Ό λ“£κ³ μ„œ μ œκ°€ μ•Œκ³  μžˆκΈ°λ‘œλŠ”
03:36
I would have thought that women who didn't want children were so rare,
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아이λ₯Ό μ›μΉ˜ μ•ŠλŠ” 여성듀이 λ“œλ¬Ό κ±°λΌλŠ” 생각을 ν•˜κ³€ ν–ˆμ£ .
03:40
and then I learned one in five American women
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λ‚˜μ€‘μ—μ„œμ•Ό λ―Έκ΅­ μ—¬μ„± 5λͺ… 쀑 1λͺ…은 아이λ₯Ό 낳지 μ•ŠλŠ”λ‹€λŠ” κ±Έ μ•Œμ•˜μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:44
won't be having a biological child --
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03:46
some by choice, some by chance.
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μ›ν•˜λ“  μ›μΉ˜ μ•Šλ“  말이죠.
03:49
(Applause)
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(λ°•μˆ˜)
03:50
But I was not alone.
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μ €λŠ” ν˜Όμžκ°€ μ•„λ‹ˆμ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
03:55
But the more I read, the more disheartened I became.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ μ•Œλ©΄ μ•Œμˆ˜λ‘ 싀망감이 λ“€μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:57
I read women's stories,
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μ–΄λ–»κ²Œλ“  λΆˆμž„μ‹œμˆ μ„ ν•˜λ €κ³  μ• μ“°λŠ”
04:00
trying desperately to get this procedure.
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μ—¬μ„±λ“€μ˜ 이야기λ₯Ό 읽은 적이 μžˆλŠ”λ°μš”.
04:04
I learned how common it was for women to exhaust their finances
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μˆ˜μˆ μ„ μœ„ν•΄ μž¬μ‚°μ„ νƒ•μ§„ν•˜λŠ” κ²½μš°κ°€ ν”ν•˜λ‹€λŠ” 것도 μ•Œμ•˜κ³ 
04:10
appealing to dozens of ob-gyns over many years,
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μ—¬λŸ¬ 산뢀인과λ₯Ό μ „μ „ν•˜λ©°
λͺ‡ 년을 애쓰더라도
04:17
only to be turned down so many times,
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병원 츑의 노골적인 λ¬΄μ‹œλ₯Ό λ‹Ήν•˜λ©° κ²°κ΅­ ν¬κΈ°ν•΄λ²„λ¦°λ‹€λŠ” κ±Έ μ•Œμ•˜μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:19
often with such blatant disrespect that they just gave up.
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04:23
Women reported that medical practitioners were often condescending
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κ·Έλ…€λ“€μ˜ κ²½ν—˜λ‹΄μ— λ”°λ₯΄λ©΄ μ˜λ£Œμ§„λ“€μ΄ μ’…μ’… μžμ‹ λ“€μ„ ν„ν•˜ν•˜κ³ 
04:30
and dismissive of their motivations,
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μžμ‹ λ“€μ˜ 동기λ₯Ό λ¬΄μ‹œν•œλ‹€κ³  ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:34
being told things like,
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예λ₯Ό λ“€μ–΄ 이런 말을 λ“£λŠ” κ±°μ£ .
04:36
"Come back when you're married with a child."
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"κ²°ν˜Όν•΄μ„œ 아이λ₯Ό λ‚³κ±°λ“  λ‹€μ‹œ μ˜€μ„Έμš”."
04:40
But women who did have children, who went to go get this procedure,
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ 아이λ₯Ό 가지고 λ‚˜μ„œ λΆˆμž„ μ‹œμˆ μ„ λ°›μœΌλŸ¬ κ°„ 여성은
04:44
were told they were too young,
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λ„ˆλ¬΄ μ–΄λ¦¬λ‹€κ±°λ‚˜
04:47
or they didn't have enough children,
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아이가 λ§Žμ§€ μ•Šλ‹€λŠ” 이유둜 κ±°μ ˆλ‹Ήν–ˆμ£ .
04:51
which is very interesting,
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이 사싀은 맀우 ν₯λ―Έλ‘œμš΄λ°μš”.
04:53
because the legal requirements in my state for getting this kind of surgery were,
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ 이 μˆ˜μˆ μ„ 받을 수 μžˆλŠ” 법적 쑰건은
05:00
"Be at least 21 years old,"
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21μ„Έ 이상이고
05:03
"appear of sound mind, acting of your own accord,"
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정상적 νŒλ‹¨μ— μ˜ν•œ 자발적 μ˜μ‚¬μ΄μ–΄μ•Ό ν•˜λ©°
05:06
and "have a 30-day waiting period."
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30μΌκ°„μ˜ μˆ™κ³  기간을 κ°€μ Έμ•Ό ν•œλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:10
And I was perplexed that I could meet all of these legal requirements
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μ €λŠ” 이 μ„Έ 가지 법적 쑰건을 λͺ¨λ‘ λ§Œμ‘±μ‹œν‚€κ³  μžˆλŠ”λ°λ„
05:16
and still have to face a battle in the exam room
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μ—¬μ „νžˆ 제 λͺΈμ— λŒ€ν•œ μžμœ¨μ„±μ„ 놓고 μ‹Έμ›Œμ•Ό ν•œλ‹€λŠ” 것이 λ‹Ήν™©μŠ€λŸ¬μ› μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:19
for my bodily autonomy.
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05:21
And it was daunting,
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겁이 λ‚¬μ–΄μš”.
05:24
but I was determined.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ 제 생각은 ν™•κ³ ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:26
I remember I dressed so professionally to that first appointment.
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첫 병원 μ§„λ£Œ λ•Œ μ˜·μ„ μ—„μ²­ μ‹ κ²½μ¨μ„œ μž…κ³  κ°”μ–΄μš”.
05:31
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
05:33
I sat up straight.
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μ €λŠ” λ˜‘λ°”λ‘œ μ•‰μ•„μ„œ
05:34
I spoke clearly.
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λΆ„λͺ…ν•˜κ²Œ λ§ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:37
I wanted to give that doctor every piece of evidence
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κ·Έ μ˜μ‚¬μ—κ²Œ ν•˜λ‚˜ν•˜λ‚˜ 증거λ₯Ό λŒ€λ©°
05:42
that I was not the date of birth in that file.
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제 λ‚˜μ΄μ— λΉ„ν•΄ 어리지 μ•ŠμŒμ„ μ•Œλ¦΄ μƒκ°μ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:46
And I made sure to mention things like,
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이 말을 ν™•μ‹€νžˆ 해두고 μ‹Άμ—ˆμ£ .
05:49
"I just got my bachelor's degree
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"μ €λŠ” 학사 ν•™μœ„κ°€ μžˆκ³ μš”
05:50
and I'm applying to these doctoral programs,
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그리고 박사 과정에 μ§€μ›ν•˜λ €λŠ” 쀑이고
05:53
I'm going to study these things."
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이런 것듀을 곡뢀할 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€."
05:55
And "my long-term partner has this kind of business,"
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"μ €μ˜ λ°°μš°μžλŠ” μ΄λŸ¬ν•œ 직업을 κ°–κ³  μžˆκ³ μš”."
05:59
and "I've done research on this for months.
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"그리고 μ €λŠ” 이 μˆ˜μˆ μ— λŒ€ν•΄μ„œ λͺ‡ 달을 곡뢀도 ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:03
I understand everything about it, all the risks."
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λͺ¨λ“  μœ„ν—˜ μš”μ†Œλ“€μ— λŒ€ν•΄ μ „λΆ€ μ΄ν•΄ν•˜κ³  μžˆμ–΄μš”." λΌκ³ μš”.
06:06
Because I needed the doctor to know that this was not a whim,
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제 결정이 좩동적인 것이 μ•„λ‹˜μ„ μ˜μ‚¬κ°€ μ•Œμ•„μ£ΌκΈ°λ₯Ό λ°”λžμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:10
not reactionary,
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λ°˜ν•­μ‹¬λ„ μ•„λ‹ˆκ³ μš”.
06:12
not your 20-something looking to go out and party
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λ…Ήμ΄ˆκ°€ λ˜λ„λ‘ νŒŒν‹°μ— λŒμ•„λ‹€λ‹ˆλŠ” 20λŒ€λ„ μ•„λ‹ˆκ³ μš”.
06:15
without fear of getting knocked up ...
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06:17
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
06:19
that this supported something integral to who I was.
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μ œκ°€ λˆ„κ΅°μ§€ λ’·λ°›μΉ¨ν•΄μ£ΌλŠ” 것듀을 λ§ν•˜κ³  μ‹Άμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:25
And I understand informed consent,
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μ €λŠ” μˆ˜μˆ λ™μ˜μ„œ λ‚΄μš©λ„ μ΄ν•΄ν–ˆκ³ 
06:26
so I fully expected to be reeducated on how it all worked, but ...
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수술이 μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ 진행될지 λ‹€μ‹œ μ„€λͺ…해주리라고 κΈ°λŒ€ν–ˆμ§€λ§Œ
06:34
At one point, the information being given to me started to feel agenda'd,
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μ–΄λŠ μˆœκ°„, μ œκ°€ μ ‘ν•œ 정보듀이 λ…Όμ œκ°€ λ˜μ–΄
06:39
interlaced with bias and inflated statistics.
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편견과 λΆ€ν’€λ¦° ν†΅κ³„μΉ˜λ‘œ λ’€μ„žμ΄κ²Œ λ˜μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:45
The questions began to feel interrogative.
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μ²˜μŒμ—λŠ” 질문으둜 μ‹œμž‘λ˜μ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
06:49
At first they were asking me questions
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μ²˜μŒμ— 제게 μ§ˆλ¬Έμ„ ν•  λ•ŒλŠ”
06:52
that seemed to understand my situation better,
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제 상황을 잘 μ΄ν•΄ν•˜λŠ” 것 κ°™μ•˜μ–΄μš”.
06:55
and then it seemed like they were asking questions to try to trip me up.
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그런데 점차 μ €μ˜ μ‹€μˆ˜λ₯Ό μœ λ„ν•˜λŠ” λ“―ν•œ μ§ˆλ¬Έμ„ ν•˜κΈ° μ‹œμž‘ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:59
I felt like I was on the witness stand, being cross-examined.
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마치 μ¦μΈμ„μ—μ„œ 심문을 λ‹Ήν•˜λŠ” 것 κ°™μ•˜μ£ .
07:04
The doctor asked me about my partner.
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κ·Έ μ˜μ‚¬λŠ” 제 λ°°μš°μžμ— λŒ€ν•΄ λ¬Όμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:07
"How does he or she feel about all of this?"
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"κ·Έ λ˜λŠ” κ·Έλ…€λŠ” μˆ˜μˆ μ— λŒ€ν•΄ μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ μƒκ°ν•˜λ‚˜μš”?"
07:10
"Well, I've been with the same man for five years,
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"μ €λŠ”μ΄ λ°°μš°μžμ™€ 5년을 μ§€λƒˆκ³ μš”.
07:13
and he fully supports any decision I make for my body."
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κ·ΈλŠ” μ €μ˜ 생각을 μ™„μ „νžˆ μ§€μ§€ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€."
07:17
And he said, "Well, what happens in the future,
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그러자 μ˜μ‚¬κ°€ λ§ν–ˆμ£ .
"λ‚˜μ€‘μ— 배우자의 생각이 λ°”λ€Œλ©΄μš”?
07:19
if you change partners?
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07:20
What happens when that person wants children?"
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λ°°μš°μžκ°€ 아이λ₯Ό μ›ν•˜λ©΄ μ–΄λ–‘ν•˜μ£ ?"
07:24
And I didn't quite know how to react to that,
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κ·Έλ•Œ μ €λŠ”..
μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ λ°˜μ‘ν•΄μ•Ό 할지 λͺ°λžμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:28
because what I was hearing
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ κ·Έ μ˜μ‚¬μ˜ 말은 마치..
07:30
was this doctor tell me that I'm supposed to disregard everything I believe
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λ°°μš°μžκ°€ 아이λ₯Ό μ›ν•˜λ©΄ μ €μ˜ λͺ¨λ“  신념을 λ²„λ¦¬λΌλŠ” 의미둜 λ“€λ Έκ±°λ“ μš”.
07:37
if a partner demands children.
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07:40
So I told him not to worry about that.
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ €λŠ” 그런 λ¬Έμ œλŠ” κ±±μ • μ—†λ‹€κ³  λ§ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:43
My stance on childbearing has always been first date conversation.
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첫 λ°μ΄νŠΈμ—μ„œμ˜ λŒ€ν™” μ£Όμ œλŠ” 늘 아이λ₯Ό λ‚³λŠ” λ¬Έμ œμ˜€κ±°λ“ μš”.
07:47
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
07:53
(Cheering)
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(ν™˜ν˜Έ)
07:54
(Laughter)
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(μ›ƒμŒ)
07:59
He then asks me to consider
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그러자 κ·Έ μ˜μ‚¬λŠ” 이걸 생각해보라고 ν–ˆμ–΄μš”.
08:03
how "in 20 years, you could really come to regret this" ...
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20λ…„ 후에 이 일을 ν›„νšŒν•˜κ²Œ 될지도 λͺ¨λ₯Έλ‹€κ³  말이죠.
08:08
as though I hadn't.
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08:11
I told him,
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μ €λŠ” κ·Έμ—κ²Œ λ§ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:16
"OK, if I wake up one day
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"λ„€, μ–΄λŠ λ‚  아침에 μΌμ–΄λ‚˜μ„œ
08:20
and realize, you know,
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κΉ¨λ‹«κ²Œ 될지도 λͺ¨λ₯΄μ£ .
08:23
I wish I'd made a different decision back then,
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κ·Έλ•Œ λ‹€λ₯Έ 결정을 λ‚΄λ Έμ–΄μ•Ό ν–ˆλ‹€κ³  말이죠.
08:28
the truth is, I'd only removed a single path to parenthood.
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그런데 사싀, λΆ€λͺ¨κ°€ 되기 μœ„ν•œ ν•œ 가지 길만 λ°°μ œν–ˆμ„ λΏμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:32
I never needed biology to form family anyway."
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μ €λŠ” 단지 μƒλ¬Όν•™μ μœΌλ‘œ 가쑱을 λ§Œλ“œλŠ” κ±Έ μ›μΉ˜ μ•Šμ„ λΏμ΄μ—μš”."
08:36
(Applause)
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(λ°•μˆ˜)
08:44
And I would much rather deal with that any day
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차라리 μ–Έμ œλ“ μ§€ λ‹€λ£° 수 μžˆλŠ” 이런 문제λ₯Ό μƒκ°ν•˜λŠ” 게 λ‚«μ£ .
08:48
than deal with one day waking up,
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미래의 μ–΄λŠ 날에 μΌμ–΄λ‚˜μ„œ μƒκ°ν•΄λ³΄λ‹ˆ
08:51
realize I'd had a child
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μ›ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•˜λ˜ 아이λ₯Ό κ°€μ‘ŒμŒμ„ κΉ¨λ‹«κ±°λ‚˜
08:55
that I didn't really want or was prepared to care for.
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아이λ₯Ό ν‚€μšΈ μ€€λΉ„κ°€ ν•„μš”ν–ˆλ‹€κ³  ν›„νšŒν•˜λŠ” 것보닀 말이죠.
09:01
Because one of these affects only me.
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ κ·Έλ ‡κ²Œ 되면 μ €μ—κ²Œ 큰 영ν–₯을 λ―ΈμΉ  것이고
09:04
The other affects a child,
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또 μ•„μ΄μ—κ²Œ 영ν–₯을 μ£ΌκΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:07
their development, their well-being --
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μ•„μ΄μ˜ λ°œλ‹¬μ΄λ‚˜ ν–‰λ³΅μ—μš”.
09:09
(Applause)
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(λ°•μˆ˜)
09:13
and human beings are not to be gambled with.
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μΈκ°„μ˜ 쑴재 κ°€μΉ˜μ— 도박을 κ±Έ μˆ˜λŠ” μ—†μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:18
He then tells me why no one was going to approve this procedure,
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κ·Έ μ˜μ‚¬λŠ” μ™œ 아무도 이 절차λ₯Ό μŠΉμΈν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ„ 것인지 λ§ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:24
certainly not he,
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κ·Έκ°€ μ•„λ‹ˆλΌ, μ˜ν•™μ  κ°€λΆ€μž₯주의 λ•Œλ¬Έμ΄μ£ .
09:25
because of a concept called medical paternalism,
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09:28
which allows him, as my well-informed provider,
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κ·Έ κ°œλ…μ΄ κ·Έ μ˜μ‚¬λ‘œ ν•˜μ—¬κΈˆ
μ €λ₯Ό μž˜μ•„λŠ” μ˜λ£Œμ§„μœΌλ‘œμ„œ μ €λ₯Ό λŒ€μ‹ ν•΄μ„œ νŒλ‹¨ν•˜λ„λ‘ ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:34
to make decisions for me ...
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09:37
based on his perception of my best interest,
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μ €μ—κ²Œ μ–΄λ–€ 이읡이 μžˆλŠ”μ§€λ§Œ νŒλ‹¨ν•˜κ³ 
09:40
regardless of what I, as the patient, want or believe.
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ν™˜μžμΈ μ œκ°€ μ›ν•˜λŠ” 것과 μ €μ˜ 신념은 λ¬΄μ‹œν•˜λŠ” κ±°μ£ .
09:44
He takes this opportunity to step out
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κ·ΈλŠ” 제게 μ§„λ£Œμ‹€ λ°–μœΌλ‘œ μž μ‹œ λ‚˜κ°€ 있으라고 ν–ˆκ³ 
09:47
and discuss my case with my potential surgeon,
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μˆ˜μˆ μ„ 맑을 μ˜μ‚¬λ“€κ³Ό 저에 λŒ€ν•΄ μ˜λ…Όν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:51
and through the door, I hear him describe me as a little girl.
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λ¬Έ ν‹ˆμœΌλ‘œ κ·Έκ°€ μ €λ₯Ό μ–΄λ¦°μ• λ‘œ μ·¨κΈ‰ν•˜λŠ” κ±Έ λ“£κ²Œ λ˜μ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
10:01
I was so offended.
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μ €λŠ” λ„ˆλ¬΄ ν™”κ°€ λ‚¬μ–΄μš”.
10:03
I wanted to defend myself.
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μ € 슀슀둜λ₯Ό 지킀고 μ‹Άμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:05
I wanted to explicitly explain to each one of these providers
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μ €λŠ” κ·Έ μ˜μ‚¬λ“€ κ°μžμ—κ²Œ 따지고 μ‹Άμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:09
how they were treating me,
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λ‚˜λ₯Ό μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ λŒ€ν–ˆλŠ”μ§€
10:11
that it was belittling and sexist,
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μ €λ₯Ό λ¬΄μ‹œν•œ 건 성차별이라고 말이죠.
10:13
and I didn't have to take it.
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κ·Έλ“€ 행동을 받아듀일 수 μ—†μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:19
But I did take it.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ λ°›μ•„λ“€μ˜€μ£ .
10:22
I swallowed every sharp word in my throat,
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μ €λŠ” κ·Έ λͺ¨λ“  λ‚ μΉ΄λ‘œμš΄ 말을 μ‚Όν‚€λ©°
10:26
clenched my jaw, and instead
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이λ₯Ό μ•…λ¬Όκ³ μ„œ, κ·Έ λŒ€μ‹ μ—
10:29
answered each one of their condescending questions and statements.
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κ·Έλ“€μ˜ κ±°λ“€λ¨Ήκ±°λ¦¬λŠ” μ§ˆλ¬Έμ— ν•˜λ‚˜μ”© λŒ€λ‹΅ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:36
I had come here looking for objectivity and support
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μ €λŠ” 객관성과 지지λ₯Ό κ΅¬ν•˜λ €κ³  이곳에 μ™”μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:40
and instead I felt dismissed and silenced,
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κ·Έλ ‡μ§€λ§Œ λŒ€μ‹  μ‹€λ§μŠ€λŸ½κ³  말도 ν•˜κΈ° 싫은 λŠλ‚Œμ΄μ˜€μ–΄μš”.
10:44
and I hated myself for it.
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μ € μžμ‹ μ΄ μ‹«μ–΄μ‘Œμ–΄μš”.
10:46
I hated that I was letting people disrespect me repeatedly.
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그듀이 μ €λ₯Ό 계속 λ¬΄μ‹œν•˜λ„λ‘ 내버렀 λ‘” 제 μžμ‹ μ΄ μ‹«μ—ˆμ£ .
10:51
But this was my one shot.
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ 그게 처음이자 λ§ˆμ§€λ§‰μ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:57
That was one of multiple consultations that I had to go to.
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μ €λŠ” κ·Έ 일 말고도 μ—¬λŸ¬ 번의 상담을 κ±°μ³€μ–΄μ•Ό ν–ˆμ„ κ²λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:02
At one point, I had seen five or six medical professionals in the same hour.
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μ–΄λ–€ λ©΄μ—μ„œλŠ” λŒ€μ—¬μ„― λͺ…μ˜ μ „λ¬Έ μ˜λ£ŒμΈμ„ ν•œλ²ˆμ— λ§Œλ‚˜λŠ” κΈ°νšŒκ°€ λ˜μ—ˆμ£ .
11:07
The door to the exam room felt more like the door to a clown car.
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μ§„λ£Œμ‹€μ΄ 마치 비쒁은 μ°¨ μ•ˆμ²˜λŸΌ 느껴질 μ •λ„μ˜€μœΌλ‹ˆκΉŒμš”.
11:11
There's my primary,
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제 μ£ΌμΉ˜μ˜κ°€ μžˆμ—ˆκ³ 
11:12
there's his colleague,
180
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그의 λ™λ£Œ μ˜μ‚¬λ„ μžˆμ—ˆκ³ 
11:14
the director, OK.
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그리고 병원μž₯κΉŒμ§€ μžˆμ—ˆμ£ .
11:17
It felt like I was asking them to infect me with smallpox
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마치 μ²œμ—°λ‘ 주사λ₯Ό λ§žλŠ” 아이같은 λŠλ‚Œμ΄μ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
11:22
instead of, I don't know, obtain birth control.
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ν”Όμž„ μˆ˜μˆ μ„ λ°›μœΌλ €λŠ” μ‚¬λžŒμ΄ μ•„λ‹ˆκ³  말이죠.
11:28
But I didn't waver,
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κ·Έλž˜λ„ μ €λŠ” 흔듀리지 μ•Šμ•˜μ–΄μš”.
11:33
and I was persistent,
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끈질기게 λ¬Όκ³  λŠ˜μ–΄μ‘ŒμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:35
and I eventually convinced one of them to allow the procedure.
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λ§ˆμΉ¨λ‚΄ 그쀑 ν•œ λͺ…을 μ„€λ“ν–ˆμ£ .
11:42
And even as I am in the room, signing the consent forms
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심지어 μ œκ°€ κ·Έ λ°©μ—μ„œ λ™μ˜μ„œμ— μ„œλͺ…을 ν•˜κ³ 
11:48
and getting the hormone shots and tying up loose ends ...
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호λ₯΄λͺ¬ 주사λ₯Ό 맞고 마무리λ₯Ό μ§€μœΌλ €κ³  ν•˜λŠ” μˆœκ°„κΉŒμ§€λ„
11:53
my doctor is shaking his head in disapproval.
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μ˜μ‚¬λŠ” λͺ»λ§ˆλ•…ν•œ 듯이 머리λ₯Ό κ°€λ‘œμ €μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:59
"You'll change your mind."
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"곧 생각이 λ°”λ€” κ±°μ˜ˆμš”."λΌλ©΄μ„œμš”.
12:03
I never really understood
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μ €λŠ” 이런 과정을 κ²ͺκΈ° μ „κΉŒμ§€λŠ”
12:06
how strongly this society clings to this role
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이 μ‚¬νšŒκ°€ μ—¬μ„±μ—κ²Œ 이런 역할을 μ–Όλ§ˆλ‚˜ κ°•ν•˜κ²Œ μš”κ΅¬ν•˜λŠ”μ§€ μ „ν˜€ λͺ°λžμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:11
until I went through this.
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12:13
I experienced firsthand, repeatedly,
194
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μ €λŠ” λ°˜λ³΅ν•΄μ„œ 직접 κ²½ν—˜ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:20
how people, be it medical providers,
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μ˜λ£Œμ§„, λ™λ£Œ, 타인듀 λˆ„κ΅¬λΌ ν•  것 없이 λͺ¨λ‘κ°€
12:26
colleagues, strangers,
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12:30
were literally unable to separate me being a woman
197
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μ—„λ§ˆλΌλŠ” μ—­ν• κ³Ό μ—¬μ„±μ˜ 역할을 λΆ„λ¦¬ν•΄μ„œ 보지 μ•ŠλŠ”λ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμ„μš”.
12:37
from me being a mother.
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12:40
And I've always believed that having children
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μ €λŠ” 항상 아이λ₯Ό κ°€μ§€λŠ” 것은
12:44
was an extension of womanhood, not the definition.
200
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μ—¬μ„±μ΄λΌλŠ” μ—°μž₯ 선상에 μžˆλŠ” 것이지 주어진 μ˜λ¬΄λŠ” μ•„λ‹ˆλΌκ³  λ―Ώμ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
12:48
I believe that a woman's value
201
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μ €λŠ” μ—¬μ„±μ˜ κ°€μΉ˜κ°€ μ ˆλŒ€λ‘œ
12:51
should never be determined by whether or not she has a child,
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κ·Έλ…€κ°€ 아이λ₯Ό κ°€μ‘ŒλŠ”μ§€μ˜ 유무둜 νŒλ‹¨λ˜μ–΄μ„œλŠ” μ•ˆλœλ‹€κ³  λ―ΏμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:55
because that strips her of her entire identity
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μ™œλƒν•˜λ©΄ 그것이 μ„±μΈμœΌλ‘œμ„œ μ—¬μ„±μ˜ 정체성을 없앨 수 있기 λ•Œλ¬Έμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:00
as an adult unto herself.
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13:02
Women have this amazing ability to create life,
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여성은 생λͺ…을 μ°½μ‘°ν•˜λŠ” λ†€λΌμš΄ λŠ₯λ ₯이 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:07
but when we say that that is her purpose,
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ λ°”λ‘œ 그것이 μ—¬μ„±μœΌλ‘œμ„œ μ‚Άμ˜ λͺ©μ μ΄λΌλ©΄
13:11
that says that her entire existence is a means to an end.
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μ—¬μ„±μ˜ 쑴재 κ°€μΉ˜λŠ” μ˜λ―Έκ°€ μ—†μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:20
It's so easy to forget the roles that society places on us
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μš°λ¦¬κ°€ μ‰½κ²Œ κ°„κ³Όν•˜λŠ” 것은
μ‚¬νšŒκ°€ μ—¬μ„±μ—κ²Œ μ „κ°€ν•˜λŠ” κ·Έ 역할이 λ‹¨μˆœν•œ 자격 μ΄μƒμ΄λΌλŠ” μ‚¬μ‹€μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:25
are so much more than mere titles.
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13:27
What about the weight that comes with them,
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κ·Έ 역할이 μ£ΌλŠ” 뢀담감과
13:30
the pressure to conform to these standards ...
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κ·Έ ν‘œμ€€μ— 따라야 ν•œλ‹€λŠ” 압박감은 μ–΄μ©Œμ£ .
13:33
the fear associated with questioning them,
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그것에 문제 제기λ₯Ό ν•˜λŠ” 것이 λ‘λ €μ›Œμ„œ
13:36
and the desires that we cast aside to accept them?
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λ‹€ ν¬κΈ°ν•˜κ³  λ°›μ•„λ“€μ΄μžλŠ” μœ ν˜Ήμ€ 또 μ–΄λ–»κ³ μš”.
13:40
There are many paths to happiness and fulfillment.
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행볡과 λ§Œμ‘±μ„ μ°ΎλŠ” 길은 λ§ŽμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:44
They all look very different,
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μ‚¬λžŒλ§ˆλ‹€ λ‹€λ₯΄μ£ .
13:46
but I believe that every one
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ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ 제 μƒκ°μ—λŠ”
13:50
is paved with the right to self-determination.
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λˆ„κ΅¬λ‚˜ μžμ‹ μ˜ 결정을 λ”°λ₯΄λŠ” 것이 μ˜³λ‹€κ³  λ―ΏμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
13:57
I want women to know that your choice to embrace or forego motherhood
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여성듀이 이걸 μ•Œμ•˜μœΌλ©΄ ν•΄μš”.
μ—„λ§ˆκ°€ λœλ‹€λŠ” μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 선택은
14:06
is not in any way tied to your worthiness or identity
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배우자, 성인, μ—¬μ„±μœΌλ‘œμ„œ κ°€μΉ˜λ‚˜ μ •μ²΄μ„±κ³ΌλŠ” 관련이 μ—†λ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:10
as spouses, as adults, or as women ...
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14:15
and there absolutely is a choice behind maternity,
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μ—„λ§ˆκ°€ λœλ‹€λŠ” 것은 μˆœμ „νžˆ μ„ νƒμ˜ λ¬Έμ œμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:20
and it is yours
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ μ„ νƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:22
and yours alone.
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„ 혼자 만의 μ„ νƒμ΄μ—μš”.
14:23
Thank you.
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κ°μ‚¬ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
14:24
(Applause)
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(λ°•μˆ˜)
이 μ›Ήμ‚¬μ΄νŠΈ 정보

이 μ‚¬μ΄νŠΈλŠ” μ˜μ–΄ ν•™μŠ΅μ— μœ μš©ν•œ YouTube λ™μ˜μƒμ„ μ†Œκ°œν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ „ 세계 졜고의 μ„ μƒλ‹˜λ“€μ΄ κ°€λ₯΄μΉ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μˆ˜μ—…μ„ 보게 될 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€. 각 λ™μ˜μƒ νŽ˜μ΄μ§€μ— ν‘œμ‹œλ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μžλ§‰μ„ 더블 ν΄λ¦­ν•˜λ©΄ κ·Έκ³³μ—μ„œ λ™μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. λΉ„λ””μ˜€ μž¬μƒμ— 맞좰 μžλ§‰μ΄ μŠ€ν¬λ‘€λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ˜κ²¬μ΄λ‚˜ μš”μ²­μ΄ μžˆλŠ” 경우 이 문의 양식을 μ‚¬μš©ν•˜μ—¬ λ¬Έμ˜ν•˜μ‹­μ‹œμ˜€.

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