Intimate photos of a senior love triangle | Isadora Kosofsky

74,185 views ใƒป 2018-10-19

TED


ืื ื ืœื—ืฅ ืคืขืžื™ื™ื ืขืœ ื”ื›ืชื•ื‘ื™ื•ืช ื‘ืื ื’ืœื™ืช ืœืžื˜ื” ื›ื“ื™ ืœื”ืคืขื™ืœ ืืช ื”ืกืจื˜ื•ืŸ.

ืชืจื’ื•ื: ืฉื™ืจืŸ ืชืžื ื™ ืขืจื™ื›ื”: Ido Dekkers
00:12
Jeanie, Will and Adina are three senior citizens
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ื’'ื™ื ื™, ื•ื•ื™ืœ ื•ืื“ื™ื ื” ื”ื ืฉืœื•ืฉื” ืื–ืจื—ื™ื ื•ืชื™ืงื™ื
00:16
connected by a special relationship.
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ื”ืžื—ื•ื‘ืจื™ื ื‘ืงืฉืจ ืžื™ื•ื—ื“.
00:19
They view their bond as a shield from the loneliness of aging.
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ื”ื ืจื•ืื™ื ื‘ืงืฉืจ ืฉืœื”ื ื›ืžื’ืŸ ืžื”ื‘ื“ื™ื“ื•ืช ื‘ื”ื–ื“ืงื ื•ืช.
00:24
I first met them at a retirement home in Los Angeles,
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ืคื’ืฉืชื™ ืื•ืชื ืœืจืืฉื•ื ื” ื‘ื‘ื™ืช ืื‘ื•ืช ื‘ืœื•ืก ืื ื’'ืœืก,
00:27
where I had been photographing for three years.
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ืฉื‘ื• ืฆื™ืœืžืชื™ ื‘ืžื”ืœืš 3 ืฉื ื™ื.
00:30
I saw as they approached the gate one night,
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ืจืื™ืชื™ ืื•ืชื ืขืจื‘ ืื—ื“ ื›ืฉื”ื ื”ืชืงืจื‘ื• ืœืฉืขืจ,
00:33
and felt an immediate connection to them.
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ื•ื”ืจื’ืฉืชื™ ื—ื™ื‘ื•ืจ ืžื™ื™ื“ื™ ืืœื™ื”ื.
00:36
Although I didn't know the details of their love triangle,
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ืœืžืจื•ืช ืฉืœื ื™ื“ืขืชื™ ืืช ื”ืคืจื˜ื™ื ืขืœ ืžืฉื•ืœืฉ ื”ืื”ื‘ื” ืฉืœื”ื,
00:40
I intuitively felt that I had to find out who they were.
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ื—ืฉืชื™ ื‘ืื•ืคืŸ ืื™ื ื˜ื•ืื™ื˜ื™ื‘ื™ ืฉืื ื™ ื—ื™ื™ื‘ืช ืœื’ืœื•ืช ืžื™ ื”ื.
00:45
Questioning a nurse a day later, she said to me,
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ื›ืฉืชื—ืงืจืชื™ ืื—ื•ืช ื‘ื™ื•ื ืœืžื—ืจืช, ื”ื™ื ืืžืจื” ืœื™,
00:49
"Oh, you're talking about the threesome."
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"ื”ื•, ืืช ืžื“ื‘ืจืช ืขืœ ื”ืฉืœื™ืฉื™ื™ื”."
00:52
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
00:53
I was intrigued.
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ื”ืกืชืงืจื ืชื™.
00:54
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
00:57
The trio set out on a daily adventure to coffee and doughnut shops,
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ื”ืฉืœื™ืฉื™ื™ื” ื™ืฆืื” ืœื”ืจืคืชืงื” ื™ื•ืžื™ืช ืœื—ื ื•ื™ื•ืช ืงืคื” ื•ื“ื•ื ืื˜ืก,
01:01
bus stops and street corners.
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ืชื—ื ื•ืช ืื•ื˜ื•ื‘ื•ืก ื•ืคื™ื ื•ืช ืจื—ื•ื‘.
01:04
I soon learned that the purpose of these outings was solace
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ืœืžื“ืชื™ ื‘ืžื”ืจื” ื›ื™ ืžื˜ืจืช ื”ื™ืฆื™ืื•ืช ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ื ื—ืžื”
01:08
and a search for meaning.
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ื•ื—ื™ืคื•ืฉ ืื—ืจ ืžืฉืžืขื•ืช.
01:10
The trio sought to combat their alienation
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ื”ืฉืœื™ืฉื™ื™ื” ื—ื™ืคืฉื” ืœื”ื™ืœื—ื ื‘ื ื™ื›ื•ืจ ืฉืœื”ื
01:13
by literally integrating themselves in public streets.
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ืข"ื™ ื”ืฉืชืœื‘ื•ืช ื‘ืจื—ื•ื‘ื•ืช ื”ืฆื™ื‘ื•ืจื™ื™ื, ืชืจืชื™ ืžืฉืžืข.
01:17
Yet, even when arm in arm, no one saw them.
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ื•ืขื“ื™ื™ืŸ, ืืคื™ืœื• ืฉืœื•ื‘ื™ื ื‘ื–ืจื•ืขื•ืช ืื—ื“ ื”ืฉื ื™ื™ื”, ืืฃ ืื—ื“ ืœื ืจืื” ืื•ืชื.
01:22
We often think that as we age, we lose the desires held in our youth.
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ืœืขืชื™ื ืื ื• ื—ื•ืฉื‘ื™ื ืฉื›ืฉืื ื—ื ื• ืžืชื‘ื’ืจื™ื, ืื ื—ื ื• ืžืื‘ื“ื™ื ืืช ื”ืชืฉื•ืงื•ืช ืžืฆืขื™ืจื•ืชื ื•.
01:28
Actually, as a teenage photojournalist when I met the trio,
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ืœืžืขืฉื”, ื›ืฆืœืžืช ืขื™ืชื•ื ื•ืช ืฆืขื™ืจื” ื›ืฉืคื’ืฉืชื™ ืืช ื”ืฉืœื™ืฉื™ื™ื”,
01:32
I saw their behavior as a mirror
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ืจืื™ืชื™ ืืช ื”ื”ืชื ื”ื’ื•ืช ืฉืœื”ื ื›ืžืจืื”
01:34
to the fears of exclusion and desires for intimacy
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ืœืคื—ื“ื™ื ืžื“ื—ื™ื™ื” ื•ื”ืชืฉื•ืงื•ืช ืœืื™ื ื˜ื™ืžื™ื•ืช
01:38
that I also carried.
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ืฉื’ื ืื ื™ ื ืฉืืชื™.
01:41
I related to their invisibility,
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ื”ืชื—ื‘ืจืชื™ ืœื‘ืœืชื™ ื ืจืื•ืช ืฉืœื”ื,
01:43
which pained me during my childhood
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ืฉื›ืื‘ ืœื™ ื‘ืžื”ืœืš ื”ื™ืœื“ื•ืช ืฉืœื™
01:46
but has become my greatest asset as an immersive documentarian,
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ืื‘ืœ ื ื”ืคืš ืœื ื›ืก ื”ื›ื™ ื’ื“ื•ืœ ืฉืœื™ ื›ืฆืœืžืช ืกืจื˜ื™ ืชืขื•ื“ื” ืžืงื™ืคื™ื,
01:51
because I can just fade into my empathy.
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ื›ื™ ืื ื™ ื™ื›ื•ืœื” ืœื”ืชืคื•ื’ื’ ืœืชื•ืš ื”ืืžืคืชื™ื” ืฉืœื™.
01:55
As we walked down the streets of Hollywood,
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ื›ืืฉืจ ื”ื™ืœื›ื ื• ื‘ืจื—ื•ื‘ื•ืช ื”ื•ืœื™ื•ื•ื“,
01:57
in a neighborhood of screenwriters, actors and filmmakers,
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ื‘ืฉื›ื•ื ื” ืฉืœ ืชืกืจื™ื˜ืื™ื, ืฉื—ืงื ื™ื ื•ื™ื•ืฆืจื™ ืกืจื˜ื™ื,
02:01
the trio assumed the invisibility that each senior does.
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ื”ืฉืœื™ืฉื™ื™ื” ื”ืฉืชืชืคื” ื‘ืื™ ื”ื ืจืื•ืช ืฉื›ืœ ืื–ืจื— ื•ืชื™ืง ืžืจื’ื™ืฉ.
02:05
I would ask myself,
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ืฉืืœืชื™ ืืช ืขืฆืžื™,
02:07
"How is it that no one else sees these three human beings?
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"ืื™ืš ืืฃ ืื—ื“ ืื—ืจ ืœื ืจื•ืื” ืืช ืฉืœื•ืฉืช ื‘ื ื™ ื”ืื“ื ื”ืืœื”?
02:12
Why is it that I am the only one who sees them?"
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ืœืžื” ืื ื™ ื”ื™ื—ื™ื“ื” ืฉืจื•ืื” ืื•ืชื?"
02:16
Years later, as I began to share this work with the public,
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ืฉื ื™ื ืื—ืจื™, ื›ืฉื”ืชื—ืœืชื™ ืœื—ืœื•ืง ืืช ื”ืขื‘ื•ื“ื” ื”ื–ื• ืขื ื”ืฆื™ื‘ื•ืจ,
02:20
I noticed that people are largely uncomfortable with this story.
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ืฉืžืชื™ ืœื‘ ืฉืœืื ืฉื™ื ื‘ืขื™ืงืจ ืœื ื ื•ื— ืขื ื”ืกื™ืคื•ืจ ื”ื–ื”.
02:24
Perhaps it is because the trio doesn't assume conventional notions
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ืื•ืœื™ ื–ื” ื›ื™ ื”ืฉืœื™ืฉื™ื™ื” ืœื ืขื•ืžื“ืช ื‘ืžื•ืกื›ืžื•ืช ื”ืžืงื•ื‘ืœื•ืช
02:29
associated with love, romance or partnership.
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ื”ืžืงื•ืฉืจื•ืช ืœืื”ื‘ื”, ืจื•ืžื ื˜ื™ืงื” ืื• ื–ื•ื’ื™ื•ืช.
02:33
They were unseen in public and shunned by their peers.
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ื‘ืฆื™ื‘ื•ืจ ื”ื ืœื ื”ื™ื• ื ืจืื™ื ื•ื‘ื ื™ ื’ื™ืœื ื“ื—ื• ืื•ืชื.
02:37
They wanted to belong somewhere
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ื”ื ืจืฆื• ืœื”ืฉืชื™ื™ืš ืœืื ืฉื”ื•
02:40
but only seemed to belong with each other.
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ืื‘ืœ ื ืจืื” ืฉื”ื ืจืง ื”ืฉืชื™ื™ื›ื• ืื—ื“ ืœืฉื ื™ื™ื”.
02:43
I wanted to belong somewhere, too.
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ื’ื ืื ื™ ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืœื”ืฉืชื™ื™ืš ืœืื ืฉื”ื•.
02:45
And my camera has been a catalyst for me to belong everywhere.
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ื•ื”ืžืฆืœืžื” ืฉืœื™ ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ื–ืจื– ืขื‘ื•ืจื™ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืฉื™ื™ื›ืช ืœื›ืœ ืžืงื•ื.
02:50
But beyond challenging sociocultural norms about the elderly,
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ืื‘ืœ ืžืขื‘ืจ ืœืงืจื™ืืช ืชื™ื’ืจ ืขืœ ื ื•ืจืžื•ืช ืกื•ืฆื™ื•-ืชืจื‘ื•ืชื™ื•ืช ืขืœ ื”ืงืฉื™ืฉื™ื,
02:54
the trio sheds light on fear of remoteness.
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ื”ืฉืœื™ืฉื™ื™ื” ืžืื™ืจื” ืขืœ ื”ืคื—ื“ ืฉืœ ืจื™ื—ื•ืง.
02:58
At the end of each day, they return to their respective retirement homes.
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ื‘ืกื•ืฃ ื›ืœ ื™ื•ื, ื”ื ื—ื•ื–ืจื™ื ืœื‘ืชื™ ื”ืื‘ื•ืช ืฉืœื”ื.
03:03
Under the surface of their aloneness,
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ืžืชื—ืช ืœืคื ื™ ื”ืฉื˜ื— ืฉืœ ื‘ื“ื™ื“ื•ืชื,
03:06
there is a desire for community, for their people.
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ื™ืฉ ืชืฉื•ืงื” ืœืงื”ื™ืœื”, ืœืื ืฉื™ื ืฉืœื”ื.
03:11
There was a sense that they were each yearning for their tribe,
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืชื—ื•ืฉื” ืฉื›ืœ ืื—ื“ ืžื”ื ื”ืฉืชื•ืงืง ืœืฉื‘ื˜ ืฉืœื•,
03:15
but that comfort comes with compromise,
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ืื‘ืœ ื ื—ืžื” ื–ื• ืžื’ื™ืขื” ืขื ืคืฉืจื”,
03:18
because Will cannot commit to one woman.
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ื›ื™ ื•ื•ื™ืœ ืœื ื™ื›ื•ืœ ืœื”ืชื—ื™ื™ื‘ ืœืื™ืฉื” ืื—ืช.
03:22
Sitting with Jeanie one day in her apartment, she said to me,
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ื›ืฉื™ืฉื‘ืชื™ ืขื ื’'ื™ื ื™ ื™ื•ื ืื—ื“ ื‘ื“ื™ืจืชื”, ื”ื™ื ืืžืจื” ืœื™,
03:26
"Sharing Will is a thorn in your side.
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"ืœื—ืœื•ืง ืืช ื•ื•ื™ืœ ื–ื” ื›ืžื• ืงื•ืฅ.
03:29
A relationship between a man and a woman is private.
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ืžืขืจื›ืช ื™ื—ืกื™ื ื‘ื™ืŸ ื’ื‘ืจ ื•ืื™ืฉื” ื”ื•ื ืคืจื˜ื™.
03:33
It is a couple, not a trio."
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ื–ื” ื–ื•ื’, ืœื ืฉืœื™ืฉื™ื™ื”."
03:37
My process is to essentially become the people I document
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ื”ืชื”ืœื™ืš ืฉืœื™ ื”ื•ื ืœืžืขืฉื” ืœื”ื™ื”ืคืš ืœืื ืฉื™ื ืฉืื ื™ ืžืชืขื“ืช
03:41
by spending years with them as an observer-occupant,
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ื‘ื›ืš ืฉืื ื™ ืžื‘ืœื” ืื™ืชื ืฉื ื™ื ื›ื“ื™ื™ืจืช-ืฆื•ืคื”,
03:45
to create a safe space, to then become hidden in plain sight.
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ื›ื“ื™ ืœื™ืฆื•ืจ ืžืจื—ื‘ ื‘ื˜ื•ื—, ื›ื“ื™ ืฉื”ื ื™ื”ืคื›ื• ืœื ื—ื‘ืื™ื ืœืขื™ื ื™ ื›ืœ.
03:50
I was about 17 when I met the trio,
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื›ืžืขื˜ ื‘ืช 17 ื›ืฉืคื’ืฉืชื™ ืืช ื”ืฉืœื™ืฉื™ื™ื”,
03:52
and I shadowed them for four years.
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ื•ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื”ืฆืœ ืฉืœื”ื ื‘ืžืฉืš 4 ืฉื ื™ื.
03:55
We actually see, in the breakdown of social development,
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ืื ื—ื ื• ืžืžืฉ ืจื•ืื™ื, ื›ืฉืžืคืจืงื™ื ืืช ื”ื”ืชืคืชื—ื•ืช ื”ื—ื‘ืจืชื™ืช,
03:58
that adolescence and old age look strikingly alike,
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ืฉื‘ื’ืจื•ืช ื•ื’ื™ืœ ืžื‘ื•ื’ืจ ื ืจืื™ื ืื•ืชื• ื”ื“ื‘ืจ ืœื”ืคืœื™ื,
04:03
because both are periods of identity confusion.
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ื›ื™ ื”ืŸ ืฉืชื™ ืชืงื•ืคื•ืช ืฉืœ ื‘ืœื‘ื•ืœ ื‘ื–ื”ื•ืช.
04:07
I identified with the women.
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ืื ื™ ื”ื–ื“ื”ืชื™ ืขื ื”ื ืฉื™ื.
04:10
But also with Will, who made me aware of the divide in me.
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ืื‘ืœ ื’ื ืขื ื•ื•ื™ืœ, ืฉื’ืจื ืœื™ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืžื•ื“ืขืช ืœื—ืœื•ืงื” ื‘ืชื•ื›ื™.
04:15
The schism that we each often have
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ื”ืงืจืข ืฉื›ืœ ืื—ื“ ืžืื™ืชื ื• ื—ื•ื•ื” ืœืขืชื™ื
04:18
about what we crave and the actuality of our situation.
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ืขืœ ืžื” ืฉืื ื—ื ื• ืจื•ืฆื™ื ื•ื”ืžืžืฉื™ื•ืช ืฉืœ ื”ืžืฆื‘ ืฉืœื ื•.
04:23
Before shooting this series,
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ืœืคื ื™ ืฉืฆื™ืœืžื ื• ืืช ื”ืกื“ืจื” ื”ื–ื•,
04:25
I was also in love with two different people who knew about each other,
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื’ื ืžืื•ื”ื‘ืช ื‘ืฉื ื™ ืื ืฉื™ื ืฉื•ื ื™ื ืฉื”ื›ื™ืจื• ืื—ื“ ืืช ื”ืฉื ื™,
04:29
being the object over which they fought.
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ื•ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื”ืื•ื‘ื™ื™ืงื˜ ืฉืขืœื™ื• ื”ื ืจื‘ื•.
04:32
But I also knew what it was like to be at the base of the triangle,
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ืื‘ืœ ื’ื ื™ื“ืขืชื™ ืื™ืš ื–ื” ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ื‘ื‘ืกื™ืก ืฉืœ ื”ืžืฉื•ืœืฉ,
04:36
like Jeanie or Adina,
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ื›ืžื• ื’'ื™ื ื™ ื•ืื“ื™ื ื”,
04:38
asking myself,
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ื•ืฉืืœืชื™ ืืช ืขืฆืžื™,
04:39
"Why aren't I enough?"
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"ืœืžื” ืื ื™ ืœื ืžืกืคื™ืงื”?"
04:43
I would look through my viewfinder and see three elderly figures,
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ื”ืกืชื›ืœืชื™ ื“ืจืš ื”ืขื“ืฉื” ื•ืจืื™ืชื™ ืืช ืฉืœื•ืฉืช ื”ืงืฉื™ืฉื™ื ื”ืœืœื•,
04:47
and it became impossible to deny that regardless of age,
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ื•ื”ื™ื” ืงืฉื” ืœื”ื›ื—ื™ืฉ ืฉืœืœื ืงืฉืจ ืœื’ื™ืœ,
04:51
we were each in pursuit of filling the proverbial hole through other people.
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ื›ืœ ืื—ื“ ืžืื™ืชื ื• ื”ื™ื” ื‘ืžืจื“ืฃ ืื—ืจ ืžื™ืœื•ื™ ื”ื—ื•ืจ ื”ืคืชื’ืžื™ ืื—ื“ ื“ืจืš ื”ืฉื ื™.
04:58
Perhaps the discomfort of looking at Jeanie, Will and Adina's story
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ืื•ืœื™ ื—ื•ืกืจ ื”ื ื•ื—ื•ืช ื‘ื”ืกืชื›ืœื•ืช ืขืœ ื”ืกื™ืคื•ืจ ืฉืœ ื’'ื™ื ื™, ื•ื•ื™ืœ ื•ืื“ื™ื ื”
05:02
is truly a reminder that even at the end of life,
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ื”ื•ื ื‘ืืžืช ืชื–ื›ื•ืจืช ืฉืืคื™ืœื• ื‘ืกื•ืฃ ื”ื—ื™ื™ื,
05:07
we may never reach the fantasy we have envisioned for ourselves.
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ืื ื—ื ื• ืืฃ ืคืขื ืœื ื ื’ื™ืข ืœืคื ื˜ื–ื™ื” ืฉืื ื—ื ื• ื“ืžื™ื™ื ื• ืขื‘ื•ืจ ืขืฆืžื ื•.
05:13
Thank you for listening.
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ืชื•ื“ื” ืขืœ ื”ื”ืงืฉื‘ื”.
05:14
(Applause)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
ืขืœ ืืชืจ ื–ื”

ืืชืจ ื–ื” ื™ืฆื™ื’ ื‘ืคื ื™ื›ื ืกืจื˜ื•ื ื™ YouTube ื”ืžื•ืขื™ืœื™ื ืœืœื™ืžื•ื“ ืื ื’ืœื™ืช. ืชื•ื›ืœื• ืœืจืื•ืช ืฉื™ืขื•ืจื™ ืื ื’ืœื™ืช ื”ืžื•ืขื‘ืจื™ื ืขืœ ื™ื“ื™ ืžื•ืจื™ื ืžื”ืฉื•ืจื” ื”ืจืืฉื•ื ื” ืžืจื—ื‘ื™ ื”ืขื•ืœื. ืœื—ืฅ ืคืขืžื™ื™ื ืขืœ ื”ื›ืชื•ื‘ื™ื•ืช ื‘ืื ื’ืœื™ืช ื”ืžื•ืฆื’ื•ืช ื‘ื›ืœ ื“ืฃ ื•ื™ื“ืื• ื›ื“ื™ ืœื”ืคืขื™ืœ ืืช ื”ืกืจื˜ื•ืŸ ืžืฉื. ื”ื›ืชื•ื‘ื™ื•ืช ื’ื•ืœืœื•ืช ื‘ืกื ื›ืจื•ืŸ ืขื ื”ืคืขืœืช ื”ื•ื•ื™ื“ืื•. ืื ื™ืฉ ืœืš ื”ืขืจื•ืช ืื• ื‘ืงืฉื•ืช, ืื ื ืฆื•ืจ ืื™ืชื ื• ืงืฉืจ ื‘ืืžืฆืขื•ืช ื˜ื•ืคืก ื™ืฆื™ืจืช ืงืฉืจ ื–ื”.

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