Intimate photos of a senior love triangle | Isadora Kosofsky

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Bella Chen

Jeanie, Will and Adina are three senior citizens

吉妮、威爾，和艾迪娜 是三位年長者，

connected by a special relationship.

他們以一種特殊的方式聯繫在一起，

They view their bond as a shield from the loneliness of aging.

他們將彼此間的連結視為防護盾， 用來對抗老化的孤獨。

I first met them at a retirement home in Los Angeles,

我初次見到他們的地方 是洛杉磯的一間養老院，

where I had been photographing for three years.

我已經在那裡做了三年的攝影。

I saw as they approached the gate one night,

有一天晚上，我看見他們靠近大門，

and felt an immediate connection to them.

我馬上就感覺到 我和他們之間有某種聯繫。

Although I didn't know the details of their love triangle,

雖然我不知道他們三角愛情的細節，

I intuitively felt that I had to find out who they were.

我的直覺告訴我， 我得查出他們是什麼人。

Questioning a nurse a day later, she said to me,

那天過後，我問了 一位護士，她告訴我：

"Oh, you're talking about the threesome."

「喔，你說的是那三人組。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I was intrigued.

我很好奇。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

The trio set out on a daily adventure to coffee and doughnut shops,

這三個人開始一日探險， 去了咖啡廳、甜甜圈店、

bus stops and street corners.

公車站，以及街角。

I soon learned that the purpose of these outings was solace

我很快就了解，這些旅行的目的

是安慰以及尋找意義。

and a search for meaning.

The trio sought to combat their alienation

這三人將他們自己 融入到公眾的街道中，

by literally integrating themselves in public streets.

以尋求對抗他們的被疏離感。

Yet, even when arm in arm, no one saw them.

但，即使是臂挽著臂， 也沒有人看見他們。

We often think that as we age, we lose the desires held in our youth.

我們通常會認為，當我們變老， 我們會失去年輕時的慾望。

Actually, as a teenage photojournalist when I met the trio,

其實，身為十幾歲的攝影記者， 當我見到三人組時，

I saw their behavior as a mirror

我把他們的行為視為一面鏡子，

to the fears of exclusion and desires for intimacy

反射出對被排斥的恐懼 及想要親密感的渴望，

that I also carried.

這些感覺我也有。

I related to their invisibility,

我能同理他們被忽視的感受，

which pained me during my childhood

在我童年時，這種感受讓我很痛苦，

but has become my greatest asset as an immersive documentarian,

但這也成為我身為沉浸式 記錄工作者珍貴的資產，

because I can just fade into my empathy.

因為我可以就這樣 消失在我的同理心當中。

As we walked down the streets of Hollywood,

當我們在好萊塢的街道上走著，

in a neighborhood of screenwriters, actors and filmmakers,

住這一帶的都是 編劇、演員和製片人，

三人組所承受的漠視， 是每位年長者都在承受的。

the trio assumed the invisibility that each senior does.

I would ask myself,

我會問我自己：

"How is it that no one else sees these three human beings?

「為什麼沒有其他人 看見這三個人？

Why is it that I am the only one who sees them?"

為什麼只有我看見他們？」

Years later, as I began to share this work with the public,

多年後，當我開始公開 分享這件作品時，

I noticed that people are largely uncomfortable with this story.

我注意到大部分人對於 這個故事都會感到不舒服。

Perhaps it is because the trio doesn't assume conventional notions

可能是因為這三人組並不符合

世俗對於愛、浪漫， 或伴侶關係的傳統觀念。

associated with love, romance or partnership.

They were unseen in public and shunned by their peers.

在公眾場合，他們被無視， 在同儕之中，他們被迴避。

They wanted to belong somewhere

他們想要有所歸屬，

but only seemed to belong with each other.

但他們似乎只歸屬於彼此。

I wanted to belong somewhere, too.

我也想要有所歸屬。

And my camera has been a catalyst for me to belong everywhere.

我的照相機一直是我的催化劑， 讓我能歸屬於每個地方。

But beyond challenging sociocultural norms about the elderly,

但在挑戰傳統社會 所定義的老年人背後，

the trio sheds light on fear of remoteness.

這三人組闡釋了對於疏離的恐懼。

At the end of each day, they return to their respective retirement homes.

在每天的約會結束後， 他們會回到各自的養老院。

Under the surface of their aloneness,

在他們孤獨的表面底下，

there is a desire for community, for their people.

有一種渴望，那是對社區、 對專屬於他們的人的渴望；

There was a sense that they were each yearning for their tribe,

也有一種感覺，彷彿他們 都嚮往屬於自己的部落，

but that comfort comes with compromise,

但那安慰卻來自妥協，

because Will cannot commit to one woman.

因為威爾無法只對 一個女人做出承諾。

Sitting with Jeanie one day in her apartment, she said to me,

有一天，我和吉妮 坐在她的公寓裡，她對我說：

"Sharing Will is a thorn in your side.

「分享威爾對你來說是惱人的事。

A relationship between a man and a woman is private.

一個男人和一個女人 之間的關係是私事。

It is a couple, not a trio."

是一對，而不是三人組。」

My process is to essentially become the people I document

我的工作，是要在本質上 成為我所記錄的人，

by spending years with them as an observer-occupant,

我要以觀察者—居住者的身分， 花數年的時間和他們相處，

to create a safe space, to then become hidden in plain sight.

來創造出安全的空間， 然後從顯眼的地方隱身消失。

I was about 17 when I met the trio,

遇到三人組時，我十七歲，

and I shadowed them for four years.

我如影隨形跟了他們四年。

We actually see, in the breakdown of social development,

在分析社會發展時， 我們其實可以發現，

that adolescence and old age look strikingly alike,

青少年和老年人看起來非常像，

because both are periods of identity confusion.

因為兩者都處於 對身分感到困惑的時期。

I identified with the women.

我認同這兩位女人。

But also with Will, who made me aware of the divide in me.

但也認同威爾，他讓我 意識到我內在的分歧。

The schism that we each often have

我們每個人通常都會有分裂，

about what we crave and the actuality of our situation.

在我們的渴望和我們的 實際情況之間有著分裂。

Before shooting this series,

在拍攝這個系列之前，

I was also in love with two different people who knew about each other,

我也愛上了兩個不同的人， 他們兩個認識彼此，

being the object over which they fought.

我是他們兩個爭奪的目標。

But I also knew what it was like to be at the base of the triangle,

但我也知道在三角形的 底部是什麼樣子，

like Jeanie or Adina,

就像吉妮或艾迪娜，

asking myself,

我問我自己：

"Why aren't I enough?"

「有我不夠嗎？」

I would look through my viewfinder and see three elderly figures,

透過我的取景器， 我看見三個年邁的身影，

and it became impossible to deny that regardless of age,

我無法否認，不論年齡，

we were each in pursuit of filling the proverbial hole through other people.

我們每個人都在追求透過其他人 來填滿俗話所說「洞」。

Perhaps the discomfort of looking at Jeanie, Will and Adina's story

也許，看著吉妮、威爾， 和艾迪娜的故事所產生的不舒服，

is truly a reminder that even at the end of life,

正是在提醒我們， 即使人生走到最後，

we may never reach the fantasy we have envisioned for ourselves.

我們可能也永遠無法達到 我們為自己所想像的夢幻。

Thank you for listening.

謝謝聆聽。

(Applause)

（掌聲）