What young women believe about their own sexual pleasure | Peggy Orenstein

Translator: Aari Lemmik Reviewer: Kaisa-Kitri Niit

For several years now,

Juba mitu aastat on kogu Ameerikas

we've been engaged in a national debate about sexual assault on campus.

tekitanud elavat diskussiooni seksuaalvägivald ülikoolilinnakutes.

No question --

Pole küsimustki, et noored peavad mõistma

it's crucial that young people understand the ground rules for consent,

vastastikkuse nõusoleku põhimõtet.

but that's where the conversation about sex is ending.

Paraku sellest kaugemale seksist rääkides ei jõuta.

And in that vacuum of information

Selles infovaakumis

the media and the Internet --

saavad lapsed oma teadmised meediast ja internetist

that new digital street corner --

kuskilt virtuaalselt tänavanurgalt, mitte meie käest.

are educating our kids for us.

If we truly want young people to engage safely, ethically,

Kui me tahame, et noorte vahekorrad oleksid turvalised, eetilised

ja muidugi ka nauditavad,

and yes, enjoyably,

it's time to have open honest discussion about what happens after "yes,"

siis on viimane aeg rääkida ausalt sellest,

mis järgneb sellele, kui nõusolek on antud,

and that includes breaking the biggest taboo of all

sealhulgas tuleb rääkida seni suurimast tabuteemast,

and talking to young people

naiste võimest ja õigusest seksi nautida.

about women's capacity for and entitlement to sexual pleasure.

Yeah.

Just nii.

(Applause)

(Aplaus)

Come on, ladies.

Eks ole, naised.

(Applause)

(Aplaus)

I spent three years talking to girls ages 15 to 20

Rääkisin kolme aasta jooksul 15-20 aastastele neiudega

about their attitudes and experience of sex.

nende arvamustest ja kogemustest seksi vallas.

And what I found was

Ja selgus, et kuigi noored naised tunnevad

that while young women may feel entitled to engage in sexual behavior,

et neil on õigus seksiga tegeleda,

they don't necessarily feel entitled to enjoy it.

ei arva nad tingimata, et neil on õigus seda nautida.

Take this sophomore at the Ivy League college

Nagu üks Ivy League ülikooli rebane mulle ütles:

who told me,

“Minu peres on alati olnud targad ja tugevad naised.

"I come from a long line of smart, strong women.

My grandmother was a firecracker,

Mu vanaema oli kange naine,

my mom is a professional,

mu ema töötab oma erialal,

my sister and I are loud, and that's our form of feminine power."

meie õega ütleme alati oma arvamuse välja, see on meie naiselik tugevus.”

Siis rääkis ta oma seksuaalelust:

She then proceeded to describe her sex life to me:

a series of one-off hookups,

palju erinevaid lühisuhteid,

starting when she was 13,

mis algasid 13-aastaselt

that were ...

ja ei olnud eriti vastutustundlikud,

not especially responsible,

mitte just vastastikkused ega ka eriti nauditavad.

not especially reciprocal

and not especially enjoyable.

She shrugged.

Ta kehitas õlgu:

"I guess we girls are just socialized to be these docile creatures

“Ilmselt kasvatatakse tüdrukuid sellisteks malbeteks olevusteks,

who don't express our wants or needs."

kes ei näita oma soove ja vajadusi välja.”

"Wait a minute," I replied.

“Kuule,” ütlesin talle,

"Didn't you just tell me what a smart, strong woman you are?"

“Rääkisid hetk tagasi, kui tark ja tugev naine sa oled.”

She hemmed and hawed.

Ta otsis sõnu ja ütles viimaks

"I guess," she finally said,

“Ilmselt ei ole keegi mulle öelnud,

"no one told me that that smart, strong image applies to sex."

et see targa ja tugeva naise kuvand kehtib ka seksi osas.”

I should probably say right up top that despite the hype,

Siinkohal tahaks kohe ära öelda,

teenagers are not engaging in intercourse more often or at a younger age

et tegelikult ei alusta teismelised seksuaaleluga

varem või intensiivsemalt kui 25 aastat tagasi.

than they were 25 years ago.

They are, however, engaging in other behavior.

Samas on neil aga teised probleemid.

And when we ignore that,

Ja kui pigistame selle ees silma kinni

when we label that as "not sex,"

ja ütleme, et see pole päris seks,

that opens the door to risky behavior and disrespect.

siis justkui lubame riskantset ja alandavat käitumist.

That's particularly true of oral sex,

Eriti kehtib see oraalseksi puhul,

which teenagers consider to be less intimate than intercourse.

mis teismeliste arust on vähem intiimne kui vahekord.

Tüdrukute sõnul pole see midagi erilist,

Girls would tell me, "it's no big deal,"

like they'd all read the same instruction manual --

nagu oleksid kõik lugenud sama kasutusjuhist,

at least if boys were on the receiving end.

vähemalt siis, kui poisid on kasusaaja osas.

Noored naised lähevad asjaga kaasa erinevatel põhjustel.

Young women have lots of reasons for participating.

It made them feel desired;

See paneb nad tundma, et neid ihaldatakse.

it was a way to boost social status.

see on võimalus tõsta mainet sõprade seas,

Sometimes, it was a way to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

Mõnikord aitab see välja ebameeldivast olukorrast.

As a freshman at a West Coast college said to me,

Üks lääneranniku ülikooli esmakursuslane selgitas mulle:

"A girl will give a guy a blow job at the end of the night

“Tüdruk on nõus kutile suuseksi tegema,

because she doesn't want to have sex with him,

sest ta ei taha poisiga päriselt seksida

and he expects to be satisfied.

ja poiss ju eeldab, et ta saab rahulduse.

So, if I want him to leave

Nii et kui ma tahan, et ta ära läheks

and I don't want anything to happen ... "

ja et midagi ei toimuks, siis...”

I heard so many stories of girls performing one-sided oral sex

Kuna kuulsin nii paljudelt, et tüdrukud nõustuvad ühepoolselt suuseksiga,

that I started asking,

hakkasin esitama küsimusi.

"What if every time you were alone with a guy,

“Aga mis siis, kui iga kord, kui jääd kutiga kahekesi,

käsiks ta sul tuua köögist klaasi vett,

he told you to get him a glass of water from the kitchen,

aga ta ise ei tooks sulle kunagi vett,

and he never got you a glass of water --

or if he did, it was like ...

või kui ta tooks, siis umbes nii -

'you want me to uh ...?'"

Mida sa tahad..?

You know, totally begrudging.

Oleks täiega häiriv.

You wouldn't stand for it.

Sa ju ei laseks nii juhtuda.

But it wasn't always that boys didn't want to.

Aga asi pole selles, et poisid kunagi ei taha.

It was that girls didn't want them to.

Asi oli selles, et tüdrukud ise ei tahtnud, et poisid seda teeksid.

Girls expressed a sense of shame around their genitals.

Tüdrukud väljendasid piinlikkust oma suguelundite osas.

A sense that they were simultaneously icky and sacred.

Oma keha tundus öäkk ja samas püha.

Naiste suhtumine oma genitaalidesse

Women's feelings about their genitals

have been directly linked to their enjoyment of sex.

on otseselt seotud võimega seksi nautida.

Yet, Debby Herbenick, a researcher at Indiana University,

Indiana Ülikooli teadlane Debby Herbenick on leidnud,

believes that girls' genital self-image is under siege,

et tüdrukute kehataju suguelundite osas

peab taluma aina suuremat survet,

with more pressure than ever

to see them as unacceptable in their natural state.

kuna suguelundite loomulikku olekut peetaks millekski ebasobivaks.

According to research,

Uurimustes on selgunud,

about three-quarters of college women remove their pubic hair -- all of it --

et kolm neljandikku naisüliõpilastest eemaldavad kõik oma häbemekarvad,

at least on occasion,

vähemalt kui kuskile minnakse,

and more than half do so regularly.

ja enam kui pooled teevad seda regulaarselt.

Tüdrukute sõnul on ilma karvadeta puhtam tunne,

Girls would tell me that hair removal made them feel cleaner,

that it was a personal choice.

et see on nende endi valik.

Though, I kind of wondered if left alone on a desert island,

Samas ei ole ma kindel, et omaette üksikul saarel

if this was how they would choose to spend their time.

viitsiksid nad sellega jännata.

(Laughter)

(Naer)

And when I pushed further,

Ja kui ma siis edasi küsisin,

a darker motivation emerged:

selgus ka varjatum põhjus:

avoiding humiliation.

taheti vältida piinlikke momente.

"Guys act like they would be disgusted by it,"

“Kutid teevad näo, nagu oleks see rõve”,

one young woman told me.

ütles üks noor naine.

"No one wants to be talked about like that."

“Keegi ei taha, et temast niimoodi räägitakse.”

Karvade eemaldamine tuletas mulle meelde 1920ndaid aastaid,

The rising pubic hair removal reminded me of the 1920s,

when women first started regularly shaving their armpits and their legs.

mil naised hakkasid regulaarselt kaenla alt ja jalgadelt karvu ära ajama.

See oli siis, kui paljaste õlgadega kleidid hakkasid moodi minema

That's when flapper dresses came into style,

and women's limbs were suddenly visible,

ja naiste käed ja jalad said äkitselt kõigile nähtavaks.

open to public scrutiny.

There's a way that I think that this too is a sign.

Võib muidugi mõelda, et see oli omamoodi märguandeks,

That a girl's most intimate part is open to public scrutiny,

et naiste kõige intiimsemad kehaosad olid nüüd kõigile vaatamiseks väljas,

kõigile kritiseerimiseks,

open to critique,

to becoming more about how it looks to someone else

muutes olulisemaks selle, mis mulje teistele jäetakse

than how it feels to her.

kui selle, kuidas ennast ise tuntakse.

The shaving trend has sparked another rise in labiaplasty.

Karvade äraajamisega kaasnes uus mood - häbememokkade plastika.

Labiaplasty, which is the trimming of the inner and outer labia,

See tähendab sisemiste või välimiste häbememokkade korrigeerimist.

is the fastest-growing cosmetic surgery among teenage girls.

See on kiireimini populaarsust koguv iluoperatsioon

teismeliste neidude seas.

It rose 80 percent between 2014 and 2015,

2014 kuni 2015 tõusis selliste operatsioonide arv 80%.

and whereas girls under 18 comprise two percent of all cosmetic surgeries,

Kõikidest iluoperatsioonidest tehakse alla 18-aastastel 2%,

they are five percent of labiaplasty.

siis häbememokkade plastika puhul on alla 18-aastaseid 5%.

The most sought-after look, incidentally,

Kõige populaarsem häbememokkade kuju on selline,

in which the outer labia appear fused like a clam shell,

kus välimised häbememokad sulguvad ümber sisemiste, nagu merikarp,

is called ...

ja seda nimetatakse,

wait for it ...

kuulake nüüd,

"The Barbie."

The Barbie

(Groan)

(Oiged)

I trust I don't have to tell you

Ilmselt pole mul vaja teile öeldagi,

that Barbie is a) made of plastic

et Barbie on a) tehtud plastmassist

and b) has no genitalia.

ja b) tal puuduvad genitaalid.

(Naer)

(Laughter)

See häbememokkade plastika tekitab Ameerika naistearstidele sedavõrd muret,

The labiaplasty trend has become so worrisome

that the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

et nad on teinud avalduse,

has issued a statement on the procedure,

mille kohaselt sellisel operatsioonil

which is rarely medically indicated,

ei ole mingit meditsiinilist näidustust,

has not been proven safe

see ei ole üldse ohutu

and whose side effects include scarring, numbness, pain

ja selle kõrvalnähtudeks on armistumine, tuimus, valulikkus

and diminished sexual sensation.

ja seksuaalse tundlikkuse vähenemine.

Now, admittedly,

Tuleb tunnistada, et hetkel, õnneks,

and blessedly,

the number of girls involved is still quite small,

ei ole nende tüdrukute arv kuigi suur,

kuid nad hoiatavad ohtliku tendentsi eest

but you could see them as canaries in a coal mine,

telling us something important about the way girls see their bodies.

tüdrukute kehataju muutumisel.

Sara McClelland,

Sara McClelland, kes on Michgani Ülikooli psühholoog

a psychologist at the University of Michigan,

coined what is my favorite phrase ever in talking about all of this:

leidis sellele nähtusele äärmiselt tabava nimetuse:

“intiimne õiglus”

"Intimate justice."

That's the idea that sex has political, as well as personal implications,

See tähendab, et seksil on nii ühiskondlik kui ka isiklik tähendus,

just like, who does the dishes in your house,

samamoodi, nagu see, kes peseb nõud

or who vacuums the rug.

ja kes teeb tolmuimejaga vaibad puhtaks.

And it raises similar issues about inequality,

Sellest tuleneb sarnaseid probleeme, mis on seotud ebavõrdse kohtlemise,

about economic disparity,

majandusliku ebavõrdsuse, vägivalla vaimse ja füüsilise tervisega.

violence,

physical and mental health.

Intimate justice asks us to consider

Intiimne õiglus püstitab küsimuse,

who is entitled to engage in an experience.

kellel on õigus astuda vahekorda,

Who is entitled to enjoy it?

kellel on õigus seda nautida,

Who is the primary beneficiary?

kes on peamine kasusaaja

And how does each partner define "good enough"?

ja mida tähendab kummagi partneri jaoks “piisavalt hea”.

Minu jaoks on need küsimused väga keerulised ja teinekord valusad,

Honestly, I think those questions are tricky and sometimes traumatic

for adult women to confront,

seda ka täiskasvanud naiste jaoks,

but when we're talking about girls,

aga kui me räägime siin tüdrukutest,

I just kept coming back to the idea that their early sexual experience

siis sai mulle üha enam selgeks, et nende esmased seksuaalkogemused

shouldn't have to be something that they get over.

ei peaks olema sellised, millest tuleb lihtsalt üle saada.

In her work,

Oma uurimistöös leidis McClelland,

McClelland found that young women were more likely than young men

et neidudel on palju sagedamini kui noormeestel

to use their partner's pleasure as a measure of their satisfaction.

rahulduse mõõdupuuks hoopis partneri nauding.

So they'd say things like,

Öeldakse, et kui tema saab rahulduse,

"If he's sexually satisfied,

siis olen ka mina rahuldatud.

then I'm sexually satisfied."

Young men were more likely to measure their satisfaction by their own orgasm.

Noormeeste puhul on palju sagedamini

rahulduse mõõdupuuks nende enda orgasm.

Young women also defined bad sex differently.

Noored naised defineerisid ka halba seksi teisiti.

In the largest ever survey

Seni suurimas uurimistöös,

ever conducted on American sexual behavior,

mis on ameeriklaste seksuaalkäitumise osas tehtud,

they reported pain in their sexual encounters

selgus, et 30% vahekordadest on naisele valusad.

30 percent of the time.

They also used words like "depressing,"

Kasutati ka sõnu nagu “masendav”,

"humiliating,"

“piinlik”

"degrading."

“alandav”

The young men never used that language.

Noormehed ei öelnud kunagi midagi sellist.

So when young women report sexual satisfaction levels

Nii et see, kui naiste hinnangul on nad seksiga sama rahul

that are equal to or greater than young men's --

või isegi rohkem rahul kui mehed,

and they do in research --

ja uuringutes see sageli just nii paistab,

that can be deceptive.

siis võib see olla petlik.

If a girl goes into an encounter hoping that it won't hurt,

Kui tüdruk astub vahekorda, lootes, et see ei ole valus,

wanting to feel close to her partner

ihaldades partneri lähedust

and expecting him to have an orgasm,

ja lootes, et partner saab rahulduse,

she'll be satisfied if those criteria are met.

on ta rahul, kui need ootused on täidetud.

And there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel close to your partner,

Ega ei olegi midagi halba selles, kui soovitakse partneriga lähedust

or wanting him to be happy,

ja teha ta õnnelikuks,

and orgasm isn't the only measure of an experience ...

ja orgasm polegi ainus mõõdupuu,

but absence of pain --

aga soovida vaid, et see poleks valus -

that's a very low bar for your own sexual fulfillment.

siis on seksuaalse rahulduse latt küll väga madalale seatud.

Listening to all of this and thinking about it,

Kui ma seda kõike kuulen ja selle üle järele mõtlen,

siis hakkan mõistma, et Ameerika tüdrukud

I began to realize that we performed a kind of psychological clitoridectomy

on justkui psühholoogiliselt kastreeritud.

on American girls.

Alates beebieast

Starting in infancy,

parents of baby boys are more likely to name all their body parts,

nimetavad poiste vanemad rohkem kõiki nende kehaosi,

at least they'll say, "here's your pee-pee."

vähemalt öeldakse, et “see on su noku”.

Parents of baby girls go right from navel to knees,

Tüdrukbeebide vanemad hüppavad naba juurest otse põlvede juurde

and they leave this whole situation in here unnamed.

ja vahepealne osa jäetakse täiesti vahele.

(Laughter)

(Naer)

There's no better way to make something unspeakable

Kõige lihtsam ongi tabusid tekitada nii,

than not to name it.

et asjadest lihtsalt ei räägita.

Then kids go into their puberty education classes

Koolis on inimeseõpetuse tunnid, kus lastele õpetatakse,

and they learn that boys have erections and ejaculations,

et poistel on erektsioon ja seemnepurse

and girls have ...

ja tüdrukutel on...

periods and unwanted pregnancy.

päevad ja oht soovimatuks rasestumiseks.

And they see that internal diagram of a woman's reproductive system --

Ja siis näidatakse joonist naise reproduktiivorganitest,

you know, the one that looks kind of like a steer head --

mis näeb välja nagu sarvedega pühvli pea.

(Laughter)

(Naer)

And it always grays out between the legs.

Jalgevaheline koht on alati üsna udune.

So we never say vulva,

Kunagi ju ei öelda “häbe",

we certainly never say clitoris.

kindlasti ei sobi nimetada kliitorit.

No surprise,

Pole siis ime,

fewer than half of teenage girls age 14 to 17

et vähem kui pooled 14-17 aastastest teismelistest tüdrukutest

have ever masturbated.

pole kunagi masturbeerinud.

And then they go into their partnered experience

Ja siis satuvad nad vahekorda

ja millegipärast arvatakse,

and we expect that somehow they'll think sex is about them,

et nad mõistavad, et seks on ka nende jaoks,

that they'll be able to articulate their needs, their desires, their limits.

et nad oskavad väljendada oma vajadusi, soove ja piire.

It's unrealistic.

See ei ole realistlik.

Siin on aga veel midagi.

Here's something, though.

Tüdrukute soov partnerile rahuldust tuua

Girls' investment in their partner's pleasure remains

kehtib sõltumata nende partneri soost.

regardless of the gender of the partner.

So in same-sex encounters,

Nii et samasooliste vahekorras

the orgasm gap disappears.

orgasmivajakut ei teki.

And young women climax at the same rate as men.

Noored neiud saavad sama palju orgasmi, kui mehed.

Lesbian and bisexual girls would tell me

Lesbilistelt ja biseksuaalsetelt tüdrukutelt kuulsin,

that they felt liberated to get off the script --

et nende jaoks oli vabastav teha seda teistmoodi,

free to create an encounter that worked for them.

olla vahekorras nii, nagu see neile hea tundus.

Gay girls also challenged the idea of first intercourse

Geitüdrukute jaoks ei olnud esimene vahekord

tingimata seotud neitsilikkuse teemaga.

as the definition of virginity.

Not because intercourse isn't a big deal,

Mitte, et vahekord poleks midagi olulist,

but it's worth questioning why we consider this one act,

aga pigem tasuks mõelda, kas see üks akt,

which most girls associate with discomfort or pain,

mis enamuse tüdrukute jaoks seostub valu või ebameeldivusega,

to be the line in the sand of sexual adulthood --

peaks olema uks täiskasvanute seksuaalmaailma,

so much more meaningful,

millel on nii suur tähtsus

so much more transformative than anything else.

ja mis toob kaasa olulisema muutuse kui miski muu.

And it's worth considering how this is serving girls;

Samuti tuleks mõelda sellele, kas see on tüdrukute huvides,

whether it's keeping them safer from disease,

kas see kaitseb neid haiguste eest,

coercion, betrayal, assault.

sundimise, reetmise ja vägivalla eest.

Whether it's encouraging mutuality and caring;

Kas see toetab vastastikkust hoolimist,

what it means about the way they see other sex acts;

mida tähendab see teiste seksuaalsuse väljenduste kontekstis?

whether it's giving them more control over

Kas see annab neile suurema sõnaõiguse

and joy in their experience,

ja naudingu sellest kogemusest

and what it means about gay teens,

ja mida see tähendab teismeliste geide jaoks,

who can have multiple sex partners without heterosexual intercourse.

kel võib olla mitmeid partnereid, ilma, et oldaks heteroseksuaalses vahekorras.

So I asked a gay girl that I met,

Nii ma küsisingi ühelt geitüdrukult:

"How'd you know you weren't a virgin anymore?"

“Mille järgi sa teadsid, et sa ei ole enam süütu?”

She said she had to Google it.

Ta ütles, et Google'ist vaatas.

(Laughter)

(Naer)

Ja Google ei osanud öelda.

And Google wasn't sure.

(Laughter)

(Naer)

She finally decided that she wasn't a virgin anymore

Ta otsustas lõpuks, et ta ei olnud enam süütu siis,

after she'd had her first orgasm with a partner.

kui ta oli partneriga saanud oma esimese orgasmi.

And I thought --

Ja mina mõtlesin: vau!

whoa.

What if just for a second

Mis oleks, kui kujutaksime hetkeks ette,

we imagined that was the definition?

et see ongi süütuse definitsioon?

Again, not because intercourse isn't a big deal --

Ja veel kord, mitte et vahekord poleks suur asi,

of course it is --

muidugi, see on oluline,

but it isn't the only big deal,

aga see pole ainus, mis loeb,

ja selle asemel, et mõelda seksist kui võidujooksust finiši suunas,

and rather than thinking about sex as a race to a goal,

this helps us reconceptualize it as a pool of experiences

võiksime sellest mõelda kui elamuste ja kogemuste allikast,

kus on soojust, tundeid, erutust, iha, puudutusi ja lähedust.

that include warmth, affection, arousal,

desire, touch, intimacy.

And it's worth asking young people:

Noortelt tasub küsida,

who's really the more sexually experienced person?

kes on nende arvates seksuaalselt kogenum,

kas see, kes veedab partneriga kolm tundi

The one who makes out with a partner for three hours

and experiments with sensual tension and communication,

eksperimenteerides sensuaalsuse erinevate võimalustega

or the one who gets wasted at a party and hooks up with a random

või see, kes joob end peol maani täis

ja läheb kellegi suvalisega voodisse,

in order to dump their "virginity" before they get to college?

et saada lahti oma süütusest enne ülikooli minekut.

The only way that shift in thinking can happen though

Ainus viis, kuidas seda mõtlemist muuta,

is if we talk to young people more about sex --

on noortega avameelselt seksist rääkida.

if we normalize those discussions,

Kui sellised jutuajamised muutuvad tavaliseks,

integrating them into everyday life,

millekski, millest võib igapäevaselt rääkida,

talking about those intimate acts in a different way --

siis muutub ka suhtumine intiimsetesse vahekordadesse,

the way we mostly have changed

nagu on muutunud see, kuidas naistest avalikkuses kõneldakse.

in the way that we talk about women in the public realm.

Consider a survey of 300 randomly chosen girls

Mõelge uurimusele, mis viidi läbi 300 tüdruku hulgas

Hollandi ja Ameerika ülikoolides,

from a Dutch and an American university,

two similar universities,

sarnastes ülikoolides,

talking about their early experience of sex.

kus nad rääkisid oma varajastest seksuaalkogemustest.

The Dutch girls embodied everything we say we want from our girls.

Hollandi tüdrukutel oli kõik nii, nagu tahame, et meilgi oleks.

They had fewer negative consequences,

Neil oli vähem negatiivseid kogemusi,

like disease, pregnancy, regret --

vähem haigusi, rasedusi, kahetsemist

more positive outcomes

ja rohkem positiivseid kogemusi,

like being able to communicate with their partner,

nagu näiteks avatud suhtlemine partneriga,

who they said they knew very well;

keda nad enda sõnul hästi tundsid;

preparing for the experience responsibly;

kellega vahekorraks oldi valmis

enjoying themselves.

ja kellega koos tunti naudingut.

What was their secret?

Milles peitus nende saladus?

The Dutch girls said that their doctors, teachers and parents

Hollandi tüdrukud ütlesid, et arstid, õpetajad ja vanemad

talked to them candidly,

rääkisid nendega avameelselt

from an early age,

juba väikesest peale,

about sex, pleasure and the importance of mutual trust.

seksist, naudingust ja sellest, kui tähtis on vastastikkune usaldus.

What's more,

Mis aga veel,

while American parents weren't necessarily less comfortable talking about sex,

kuigi Ameerika vanemate jaoks ei olnud seksist rääkimine midagi ebamugavat,

we tend to frame those conversations

kippus meie jutuajamiste toon olevat

entirely in terms or risk and danger,

riski ja ohte rõhutav,

samas kui Hollandi vanemad rõhutasid seda, et vastutus ja nauding

whereas Dutch parents talk about balancing responsibility and joy.

peavad olema tasakaalus.

I have to tell you,

Pean tunnistama, et lapsevanemana

as a parent myself,

that hit me hard,

tabas see mind hella kohta,

because I know,

sest ma tean, et kui ma poleks selle uuringu peale sattunud,

had I not delved into that research,

oleksin ilmselt ka ise rääkinud lapsele rasestumisvastastest vahenditest,

I would have talked to my own child about contraception,

about disease protection,

suguhaiguste vältimisest,

about consent because I'm a modern parent,

nõusoleku olulisusest,

sest ma olen ju kaasaegne lapsevanem

and I would have thought ...

ja ma oleks mõelnud, et teen õigesti.

job well done.

Nüüd aga tean, et sellest ei piisa.

Now I know that's not enough.

I also know what I hope for for our girls.

Ma tean nüüd paremini, mida meie tüdrukutel oleks vaja.

I want them to see sexuality as a source of self-knowledge,

Ma soovin, et seksuaalsus oleks nende jaoks enda tundmise allikas,

creativity and communication,

loovuse ja suhtluse võimalus,

despite its potential risks.

hoolimata võimalikest riskidest.

I want them to be able to revel in their bodies' sensuality

Ma tahan, et nad oskaksid oma kehast rõõmu tunda,

without being reduced to it.

mitte ei oleks taandatud vaid füüsilisele kestale.

I want them to be able to ask for what they want in bed,

Ma tahan, et nad oskaksid öelda, mis neile voodis meeldib,

ja ka seda saada.

and to get it.

I want them to be safe from unwanted pregnancy,

Ma tahan, et nad oleksid kaitstud soovimatu raseduse,

disease,

haiguste,

cruelty,

julmuse,

dehumanization,

alanduse

violence.

ja vägivalla eest.

If they are assaulted,

Kui neid rünnatakse,

I want them to have recourse from their schools,

siis soovin, et nad saaksid abi ja toetust koolist,

their employers,

töökohast,

the courts.

kohtust.

It's a lot to ask,

Ma tean, et seda on palju tahetud,

aga mitte liiga palju.

but it's not too much.

Lapsevanematena, õpetajatena ja aktivistidena

As parents, teachers, advocates and activists,

oleme kasvatanud üles tüdrukute põlvkonna, kes seisavad enda eest

we have raised a generation of girls to have a voice,

to expect egalitarian treatment in the home,

ja eeldavad võrdset kohtlemist

kodus, koolis ja tööl.

in the classroom,

in the workplace.

Now it's time to demand that intimate justice

Käes on aeg nõuda, et intiimne õiglus kehtiks

in their personal lives as well.

ka nende isiklikus elus.

Thank you.

Aitäh!

(Applause)

(Aplaus)