Should you care what your parents think?

Prevodilac: Una Kavazović Lektor: Milenka Okuka

If I told you not to press this big red button,

Ako vam kažem da ne pritisnete ovo veliko crveno dugme,

what would you do?

šta biste uradili?

For many people, there’s no greater motivation to do something

Za mnoge ljude nema veće motivacije da urade nešto

than being told they can’t.

od toga da im se kaže da to ne mogu.

So, what is it about being told “no” that triggers this response?

Pa, šta je to kod reči „ne” što izaziva ovakvu reakciju?

One of the most enduring explanations for this behavior

Jedno od najdugoročnijih objašnjenja za ovo ponašanje

is what psychologists call reactance theory.

je ono što psiholozi nazivaju teorijom reaktanse.

Reactance is a motivational state that occurs

Reaktansa je motivaciono stanje koje se javlja

when people feel their freedom is being threatened,

kada ljudi osećaju da njihova sloboda biva ugrožena,

and it compels them to take actions they see as restoring that freedom.

što ih navodi da preduzimaju radnje za koje misle da će im tu slobodu vratiti.

Sometimes this emerges as general frustration or direct argument,

Ponekad se ovo ispoljava kao opšta frustracija ili direktna rasprava,

but the most straightforward response

ali najdirektniji odgovor

is to simply do the thing they were told not to.

je rađenje onoga što im je rečeno da ne smeju.

This behavior plays out in public spaces,

Ovo ponašanje se dešava u javnom prostoru,

like when people ignore health campaigns they perceive as overbearing,

kada ljudi ignorišu zdravstvene kampanje koje vide kao opresivne,

and in private spaces, like parent-child relationships.

i u privatnom prostoru, kao što je odnos roditelj-dete.

However, there are situations where something being forbidden

Međutim, ima situacija kada zabrana neke stvari

actually makes it less tempting.

nju zapravo čini manje privlačnom.

In 1972, psychologists at the University of Colorado

Godine 1972, psiholozi sa univerziteta u Koloradu

wanted to know if a romantic relationship facing parental disapproval

su želeli da znaju da li romantična veza koja nailazi na osudu roditelja

was more likely to strengthen or crumble under the pressure.

ima veće šanse da ojača ili da se raspadne pod pritiskom.

To answer this question, they surveyed 140 couples,

Da bi dali odgovor na ovo pitanje, ispitali su 140 parova,

varying widely in measures of happiness,

koji su se razlikovali po nivou sreće,

but all fairly serious in terms of commitment.

ali koji su svi bili prilično ozbiljni po pitanju odanosti.

Only some couples reported perceived parental opposition to their relationship

Samo nekoliko parova je zapazilo protivljenje roditelja njihovoj vezi

over the study’s six-month period.

tokom šest meseci trajanja istraživanja.

But those that did also reported a steady increase in love for one another.

Ali oni koji jesu su takođe prijavili stalni porast međusobne ljubavi.

The researchers named this trend the Romeo and Juliet Effect

Istraživači su nazvali ovaj trend efekat Romea i Julije

after literature’s most famous forbidden lovers

po najpoznatijim zabranjenim ljubavnicima u književnosti

and concluded that the results were largely motivated by reactance.

i zaključili da su rezultati bili u velikoj meri motivisani reaktansom.

But in the decades since this publication,

Međutim, u decenijama nakon ove studije,

most follow-up studies have suggested the opposite is true.

većina narednih istraživanja je sugerisala da je suprotno zapravo tačno.

In fact, the long-term success of a romantic relationship

U stvari, dugotrajni uspeh romantične veze

can be predicted by the perceived approval or disapproval

se može predvideti na osnovu zapaženog odobravanja ili neodobravanja

of the couple’s friends and family.

od strane prijatelja i porodice tog para.

This trend is known as the Social Network Effect.

Ovaj trend je poznat kao efekat društvene mreže.

So why doesn’t reactance win out over the Social Network Effect?

Pa, zašto onda reaktansa ne pobedi nad efektom društvene mreže?

You might think it’s because we value our existing relationships

Možete pomisliti da je tako jer cenimo naše postojeće veze

over our potential relationships.

više od naših potencijalnih veza.

But in most cases, disapproving friends and family

Međutim, u većini slučajeva, negodujući prijatelji i porodica

are just voicing negative opinions or passively not supporting a relationship.

samo izražavaju negativno mišljenje ili pasivno ne podržavaju vezu.

It’s rarely a dramatic choice of us or them.

Retko je to dramatičan izbor između nas i njih.

And when it comes to parents,

A kada se radi o roditeljima,

most people with good relationships with their parents

većina ljudi sa dobrim odnosima sa svojim roditeljima

feel they can ignore their parent’s advice without serious consequences,

oseća da mogu da ignorišu savete roditelja bez ozbiljnih posledica,

while people with bad parental relationships

dok ljude sa lošim odnosima sa roditeljima

often don’t care what they think anyway.

često uopšte i ne zanima šta oni misle.

So if disapproved relationships are more likely to fail,

Ako veze koje nailaze na neodobravanje imaju veće šanse da propadnu,

does this mean we’re not willing to fight to date who we want?

da li ovo znači da nismo voljni da se borimo za onog koga želimo?

Well, it might vary from person to person.

To se može razlikovati od osobe do osobe.

One theory is that there’s actually two types of reactance:

Jedna teorija je da zapravo postoje dva tipa reaktanse:

defiant reactance, which is impulsively doing the opposite of what we’re told,

prkosna reaktansa, gde impulsivno radimo suprotno od onog što nam je rečeno,

and independent reactance, which reflects our deeper desire to make our own choices.

i nezavisna reaktansa, koja oslikava našu dublju želju da sami donosimo odluke.

For example, if you tell someone with high defiant reactance to lower their voice,

Na primer, ako kažete nekome sa visokom prkosnom reaktansom da govori tiše,

they’ll probably start shouting.

verovatno će početi da viče.

Whereas someone with high independent reactance is more likely

Dok će neko sa visokom nezavisnom reaktansom verovatno

to simply ignore the request and do what they believe is appropriate.

da prosto ignoriše zahtev i uradi ono što veruje da je prikladno.

So when it comes to relationship disapproval,

Tako da, kada se radi o neodobravanju veze,

a defiant person might respond by pursuing their romance in secret,

prkosna osoba možda odgovori nastavkom svoje romanse u tajnosti,

but that doesn’t change how the group’s opinion

ali to ne menja kako mišljenje grupe

negatively impacts their relationship.

negativno utiče na njihovu vezu.

Conversely, someone with a particularly independent personality might be capable

Obratno, neko sa naročito nezavisnom ličnošću možda bude sposoban

of ignoring their friends’ concerns and loving whomever they want.

da ignoriše zabrinutost prijatelja i da voli koga god želi.

The idea of defiant and independent reactance is fairly new,

Ideja o prkosnoj i nezavisnoj reaktansi je prilično nova

and researchers are still working to uncover all the motivations

i istraživači još uvek rade na tome da otkriju sve motivacije

behind the Social Network Effect.

koje stoje iza efekta društvene mreže.

But these theories help illuminate the important relationship

Međutim, ove teorije pomažu da se rasvetli bitna veza

between reactance and our competing needs for independence and inclusion.

između reaktanse i naših potreba za nezavisnošću i inkluzijom.

How we balance these desires varies across individuals and cultures.

Način na koji balansiramo ove želje zavisi i od pojedinaca i kultura.

But no matter how prone to reactance we may be,

Međutim, bez obzira na to koliko skloni reaktansi možemo biti,

our social networks are vital to our sense of identity and well-being.

naše društvene mreže su vitalne za naš osećaj identiteta i blagostanja.

This is especially true in our romantic relationships.

Ovo je posebno istinito za naše romantične veze.

Studies have found that support from a few close companions

Studije su pokazale da podrška nekoliko bliskih prijatelja

can help buffer against disapproval from others.

može pomoći da se ublaži neodobravanje od strane drugih.

And most relationships do better once the individuals involved

Većina veza se poboljša kada pojedinci uključeni u nju

find supportive social networks.

nađu društvene mreže koje ih podržavaju.

This outcome might not seem as romantic as a forbidden love affair,

Rezultat možda ne izgleda romantično koliko i zabranjena ljubavna afera,

but it’s actually in keeping with the story of Romeo and Juliet,

ali zapravo odgovara priči o Romeu i Juliji,

whose embattled relationship couldn't endure the threats of extreme disapproval.

čija sukobljena veza nije mogla da izdrži pretnje velikog neodobravanja.