Should you care what your parents think?

譯者: 捷怡 陳 審譯者: Helen Chang

If I told you not to press this big red button,

如果告訴你不能按這個紅色大按鈕

what would you do?

你會怎麼做？

For many people, there’s no greater motivation to do something

對很多人來說

than being told they can’t.

沒什麼比被禁止的事更吸引人了

So, what is it about being told “no” that triggers this response?

所以，是什麼引發這樣的反應呢？

One of the most enduring explanations for this behavior

其中一個常見的說法是

is what psychologists call reactance theory.

心理學家稱之為「抗拒說」

Reactance is a motivational state that occurs

當自由受到威脅時

when people feel their freedom is being threatened,

人們會抵抗

and it compels them to take actions they see as restoring that freedom.

他們會為了自由採取行動

Sometimes this emerges as general frustration or direct argument,

常見的反應有沮喪、爭論

but the most straightforward response

但最直接的還是

is to simply do the thing they were told not to.

做別人說不能做的事

This behavior plays out in public spaces,

這會發生在公共場合

like when people ignore health campaigns they perceive as overbearing,

像是無視他們不認同的健康宣導

and in private spaces, like parent-child relationships.

而在私人領域，則有親子間的問題

However, there are situations where something being forbidden

但在某些情況下

actually makes it less tempting.

被禁止的事就沒那麼吸引人了

In 1972, psychologists at the University of Colorado

1972年，美國科羅拉多 大學的心理學家

wanted to know if a romantic relationship facing parental disapproval

想知道在愛情中，如果父母反對

was more likely to strengthen or crumble under the pressure.

情侶會越挫越勇，還是一蹶不振呢？

To answer this question, they surveyed 140 couples,

為了這個問題，他們調查140對情侶

varying widely in measures of happiness,

每對的幸福程度都不同

but all fairly serious in terms of commitment.

不過他們都很認真看待感情

Only some couples reported perceived parental opposition to their relationship

只有部分情侶表示在研究的6個月中

over the study’s six-month period.

父母反對他們交往

But those that did also reported a steady increase in love for one another.

這些情侶因為父母反對，變得更愛彼此

The researchers named this trend the Romeo and Juliet Effect

研究人員稱這個現象為 「羅密歐與朱麗葉效應」

after literature’s most famous forbidden lovers

以這對文學名著的禁忌戀人命名

and concluded that the results were largely motivated by reactance.

他們歸論這個結果 和抗拒心理有很大的關係

But in the decades since this publication,

但在羅密歐與茱麗葉出版後的這麼多年來

most follow-up studies have suggested the opposite is true.

很多新研究發現情況正好相反

In fact, the long-term success of a romantic relationship

事實上，一段成功的感情

can be predicted by the perceived approval or disapproval

能從情侶朋友和家人是否支持

of the couple’s friends and family.

看出蛛絲馬跡

This trend is known as the Social Network Effect.

這個現象叫做社交網路效應

So why doesn’t reactance win out over the Social Network Effect?

為什麼抗拒心理無法 戰勝社交網路效應呢？

You might think it’s because we value our existing relationships

你可能會想，這是因為確實存在的關係

over our potential relationships.

比潛在關係更重要

But in most cases, disapproving friends and family

大多數的情況是，朋友和家人

are just voicing negative opinions or passively not supporting a relationship.

只是給出不贊同的建議 或消極地反對情侶的感情

It’s rarely a dramatic choice of us or them.

戲劇化的情況不常發生

And when it comes to parents,

說到父母

most people with good relationships with their parents

多數和爸媽關係好的人

feel they can ignore their parent’s advice without serious consequences,

認為可以無視父母的建議 因為他們不必為此付出很大的代價

while people with bad parental relationships

而那些和爸媽關係很糟的人

often don’t care what they think anyway.

根本不在乎爸媽在想什麼

So if disapproved relationships are more likely to fail,

如果不被看好的關係容易失敗收場

does this mean we’re not willing to fight to date who we want?

難道大家都不想為愛爭取嗎？

Well, it might vary from person to person.

這個嘛，因人而異

One theory is that there’s actually two types of reactance:

有個理論說抗拒心理有兩種

defiant reactance, which is impulsively doing the opposite of what we’re told,

第一種是違逆反抗，會衝動地做相反的事

and independent reactance, which reflects our deeper desire to make our own choices.

另一種是自立反抗，這反應出 做決定時心靈深處的渴望

For example, if you tell someone with high defiant reactance to lower their voice,

舉例來說，如果讓有 違逆反抗心理的人降低音量

they’ll probably start shouting.

他們很有可能會開始大叫

Whereas someone with high independent reactance is more likely

而有自立反抗心理的人

to simply ignore the request and do what they believe is appropriate.

可能會直接無視請求 只做他們覺得正確的事

So when it comes to relationship disapproval,

說到不被看好的關係

a defiant person might respond by pursuing their romance in secret,

有違逆反抗心理的人可能會偷偷談戀愛

but that doesn’t change how the group’s opinion

但這對改變那些反對的聲音

negatively impacts their relationship.

一點幫助也沒有

Conversely, someone with a particularly independent personality might be capable

相反地，有自立反抗心理的人或許有辦法

of ignoring their friends’ concerns and loving whomever they want.

無視朋友們的關心 只專注在愛人身上

The idea of defiant and independent reactance is fairly new,

這種違逆和自立反抗的概念非常新

and researchers are still working to uncover all the motivations

研究人員仍致力於

behind the Social Network Effect.

了解社會網路效應的影響

But these theories help illuminate the important relationship

這些理論幫助我們梳理

between reactance and our competing needs for independence and inclusion.

抗拒心和追求獨立、歸屬感之間的關係

How we balance these desires varies across individuals and cultures.

平衡這些念頭的方法因人和背景而異

But no matter how prone to reactance we may be,

不管多容易有反抗的念頭

our social networks are vital to our sense of identity and well-being.

社會網路對我們的 身分認同和幸福感至關重要

This is especially true in our romantic relationships.

尤其是在愛情方面的影響

Studies have found that support from a few close companions

研究發現幾個親朋好友的支持

can help buffer against disapproval from others.

能緩阻反對的聲音

And most relationships do better once the individuals involved

社會網路的支持能讓

find supportive social networks.

任何一種關係變好

This outcome might not seem as romantic as a forbidden love affair,

這個結果代表愛情不該是禁忌的關係

but it’s actually in keeping with the story of Romeo and Juliet,

一段關係很難戰勝一面倒的反對

whose embattled relationship couldn't endure the threats of extreme disapproval.

那可能只存在於羅密歐與茱麗葉的故事中