The history of marriage - Alex Gendler

There have been many different things

written and said about marriage.

From the sweetly inspirational

to the hilariously cynical.

But what many of them have in common

is that they sound like they express

a universal and timeless truth,

when in fact nearly everything about marriage,

from its main purpose

to the kinds of relationships it covers

to the rights and responsibilities involved,

has varied greatly between different eras,

cultures and social classes.

So, let's take a quick look at

the evolution of marriage.

Pair bonding and raising children

is as old as humanity itself.

With the rise of sedentary agricultural societies

about 10,000 years ago,

marriage was also a way

of securing rights to land and property

by designating children born under certain circumstances

as rightful heirs.

As these societies became larger and more complex,

marriage became not just a matter

between individuals and families,

but also an official institution

governed by religious and civil authorities.

And it was already well established by 2100 B.C.

when the earliest surviving written laws

in the Mesopotamian Code of Ur-Nammu

provided many specifics governing marriage,

from punishments for adultery

to the legal status of children born to slaves.

Many ancient civilizations allowed some form of

multiple simultaneous marriage.

And even today, less than a quarter of the world's

hundreds of different cultures prohibit it.

But just because something was allowed

doesn't mean it was always possible.

Demographic realities,

as well as the link between marriage and wealth,

meant that even though rulers and elites

in Ancient Mesopotamia,

Egypt and Israel

had multiple concubines or wives,

most commoners could only afford one or two

tending towards monogamy in practice.

In other places, the tables were turned,

and a woman could have multiple husbands

as in the Himalayan Mountains

where all brothers in a family

marrying the same woman

kept the small amount of fertile land

from being constantly divided into new households.

Marriages could vary

not only in the number of people they involved

but the types of people as well.

Although the names and laws for such arrangements

may have differed,

publicly recognized same-sex unions

have popped up

in various civilizations throughout history.

Mesopotamian prayers included blessings for such couples,

while Native American Two-Spirit individuals

had relationships with both sexes.

The first instances of such arrangements

actually being called "Marriage"

come from Rome,

where the Emperors Nero and Elagabalus

both married men in public ceremonies

with the practice being explictly banned

in 342 A.D.

But similar traditions survived

well into the Christian era,

such as Adelphopoiesis,

or "brother-making" in Orthodox churches,

and even an actual marriage between two men

recorded in 1061 at a small chapel in Spain.

Nor was marriage even necessarily

between two living people.

Ghost marriages,

where either the bride or groom were deceased,

were conducted in China

to continue family lineages

or appease restless spirits.

And some tribes in Sudan maintain similar practices.

Despite all these differences,

a lot of marriages throughout history

did have one thing in common.

With crucial matters

like property and reproduction at stake,

they were way too important

to depend on young love.

Especially among the upperclasses,

matches were often made by families or rulers.

But even for commoners, who had some degree of choice,

the main concern was practicality.

The modern idea of marriage

as being mainly about love and companionship

only emerged in the last couple of centuries.

With industrialization,

urbanization

and the growth of the middle class

more people became independent

from large extended families

and were able to support

a new household on their own.

Encouraged by new ideas

from the Enlightenment,

people began to focus

on individual happiness and pursuits,

rather than familial duty or wealth and status,

at least some of the time.

And this focus on individual happiness

soon led to other transformations,

such as easing restrictions on divorce

and more people marrying at a later age.

So, as we continue to debate the role and definition

of marriage in the modern world,

it might help to keep in mind

that marriage has always been shaped by society,

and as a society's

structure, values and goals

change over time,

its ideas of marriage will continue to change along with them.